


One Can't Help But Wish

by Ayumi_chan



Category: Kiken na Otonarisan (Manga)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blackmail, Bruises, Don't Have to Know Canon, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Homophobic Language, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Prostitution, Rape, Ritsu is kind of a whore.., Rope Marks, Rough Sex, Shame, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequinted Love, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2017-12-27 09:51:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 175,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayumi_chan/pseuds/Ayumi_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ritsu is in love with Masashi, his best friend, who is straight and has a girlfriend.<br/>Seeking physical comfort, Ritsu begins sleeping around with anyone who shows interest.<br/>Soon after, Ritsu is recruited by a male escort shop. Now the only difference is that Ritsu sleeps with people for money.<br/>But what happens when Ritsu is found out by Masashi because of rope marks from a particularly rough client? Will this be the end of their friendship, or the beginning of a whole new kind of relationship?</p><p>Note: Chapters under construction from 3-9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu is pestered by a client. Masashi buys matching rings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first thing I have written and shared with anyone. I hope you all enjoy it. Hold on tight, it's going to be a long ride.

I know that this is wrong. I'm fully aware of that. How many times have I told myself to stop? But I can't. Even if temporarily, it takes my mind of Masashi. Off the pain of loving him. The pain of loving a straight man. One with a girlfriend to boot.

I can't help but laugh to myself about my situation. It's ridiculous.

  
"What's so funny?" A husky voice whispers in my ear. His tongue trails along my neck, which vaguely turns me off. Coming from him, anyways.

  
"It's nothing" I reply quickly, running my hand up his back. "Go on."

  
He shudders before thrusting into me. I wince as he enters me with minimal preparation. But it's okay. I don't mind the pain. It distracts me.

The man raises my left leg over his shoulder, thrusting in deeper.

I don't know his name. Or the one before that, or before that. It doesn't matter what a one night stand's name is. Once in a while one will try to persuade me to give them my contact information. To avoid a confrontation I just give them a fake number. But it rarely happens anyway. Anyone I've done more than once knows where to find me when they want it.

  
My name is Ritsu. I work at an escort shop and my escort name is Hikari. In other words - I'm a prostitute. I'm also in love with my best friend but I can't tell him that. I'm just a college student who doesn't know what he's doing with his life.

The man finishes quickly and gets dressed even quicker. He rummages through his pocket and drops my fee on the nightstand. I hear him mutter a thanks before he's gone. I'm just glad he didn't want to cuddle. I really should charge extra for that.

  
Although he could have been better in bed, this guy gets it. Sex, pay, leave. That's the order things should go in. Clingy ones are a pain.

I look down at the man's cum on my chest, a twinge of regret runs through me. But I ignore it.

Like I always do.  

  
-  
  
  
"Ritsuu." Masashi said, dragging my name out in a whine. He waves his hand in my face. "Are you even listening?"

I smile. "I wasn't listening."

We're in the library, studying for an upcoming test. So far, I've gotten very little done. Between my own persistent thoughts and Masashi's rambling, I can't focus on my textbook.

He sighed, fingers tapping the table repeatedly.. "Yeah. Yeah, I could tell." 

"I'm listening now, Masashi."

He sighs again. He looks away, his cheeks coloring slightly. He's cute when he's embarrassed. "Its about Ishihara."

I hate my reaction when he says her name. I have to force to keep the lazy smile on my face, and pretend it doesn't send a stab through my chest.

He never notices.

"She said she wants matching promise rings."  He twirls his thumbs around each other.

"And?" 

"I have no idea where to look for them or what to get." He groans, putting his head in his hands. "Girls are so troublesome."

I agree there. Troublesome _and_ in the way.

I chuckle softly. "I'm still not getting the point as to why you're telling me."

I try to play the best friend as best as I can. But its hard. Lately I mostly hear about Ishihara. Like how she can be needy, but that's still cute because she makes up for it later, or how her lips are really soft and her breasts grew. About how they keep becoming more and more intimate. That's when its hardest to be the best friend. But I just listen. Because that's what best friends do, and it's not his fault. He doesn't know his best friend is gay and in love with him. And also a major slut.

  
He peers at me from behind his hands. "Well.. I thought maybe you would know where to get something like that..?"

  
I sighed, knowing exactly where he was going with this. "You want me to go with you and buy matching promise rings for you and _your_ girlfriend. That's what you mean, right?"

He beams. "Exactly! Now that you understand, when are you free?" 

I suppress the urge to groan. "I'm free now."

His smile somehow, impossibly, gets even wider. "Great! Let's go." 

He shoved his books into his bag and hops up. Gathering my things, I stand and saunter after him.  
  
-  


"Hows this one?" Masashi asks for what I swear to be the hundredth time. And for the hundredth time I glance over his shoulder where he is going through this bin of matching rings. 

I laugh at the childish themed one that is nearly identical to the last three he has grabbed. I shake my head at him. "You really are no good at this Masashi. It's a promise ring, it's supposed to be romantic. Remember?"

He frowns, dropping the pair of rings in his hand. "Right.. Romantic.."

Sighing, I pick up a pair of plain silver rings and hand them to him. "How about something like this? You could get a saying engraved into it."

He turns them over in his hand, looking them over. "That's a good idea." He frowns again. "But what should it say?"

"Something like, 'I love you' or 'Forever Yours'. Or you could just put your guy's names on it." I replied, doing my best to keep my expression blank. I hated when he asked me to do these kinds of things with him. He asked me to go shopping with him for her birthday present this year. I could think of nothing more uncomfortable than that at the time, but I was wrong. This was worse. 

He nods a couple times. "I think I'll do that. It sounds romantic." He smiles at me and I pretend it doesn't affect my heart. He elbows me in the side on the way to the counter to buy the rings. "But how do you, a guy with no girlfriend, have so much experience in this field?"

I shrug in response. "It's not experience. Besides, how can you, who has a girlfriend, be so bad at this?"

He sighs softly. "As much as I'd like to deny it, you're right. I suck at this."

I laugh and shove his shoulder playfully. It was honestly incredible to me how much he sucked at this. I was hardly putting in any effort helping him, and would never be able to come up with anything as bad as he had. 

I look out the shop window, something catching my eye. My breath hitches when I realize what it is.  _Who_ is it. The man waves at me, a smile adorning his face. 

Of course it had to be when I was with Masashi that I would run into him.  
  
Masashi notices the guy waving. He stares for a moment before he glanced down at me. "You know him Ritsu?" 

"Uh, yeah. Kinda." I do my best to keep my voice even. "Um, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go talk to him. You buy the rings. I'll meet you out front. Okay?"

A concerned expression flits over his face but he nods.

I leave the store, taking a deep breath to relax myself. I stop in front of the man, and jab a finger over my shoulder. "Let's not talk here."

I turn on my heel and walk away, knowing he will follow. I walk a ways down and stop next to the mall's fountain. We were only about five stores down, still in site of the thrift store Masashi was it. But even if Masashi walked this way, he would have to get pretty close to hear us over the fountain. I stop and turn, folding my arms over my chest defensively. I look at the tall man that I didn't want to talk to. This man was a client, someone who came to the shop and always requested me. He was rough - too rough - and I had refused to see him on numerous occasions. 

"What do you want, Zelch?"

He brushes his auburn hair out of his eyes. "Is that any way to speak to a client, Hikari?"

He reaches out and runs his fingers down my cheek. It takes all of my strength to keep my expression from slipping into a scowl.

He continues before I respond. "I've missed you is all. I've talked to Mama and your co-workers numerous times but they keep brushing me off, telling me you're busy with this and that." He reaches out and grips my upper arm with too much force, his fingers digging into my skin. "But I know that they are lying to me, Hikari. I know you are avoiding me. I want to know why. Do I not pay well enough? Not good enough in bed for you?" 

"Please let go of me, you're hurting me." I respond as calmly as I can, but my voice cracks as panic begins slipping in. I try to pull my arm away, but his grip tightens. I don't like the look in his eyes.

"No, no. You'll give me an answer, Hikari." He snaps, his voice cracking like a whip.

"Let go! I'm not going to tell you again Zelch." I force myself to make eye contact even with the fear creeping up my spine.

"You're not as obedient as you were in bed. Is it because you're off duty? Or because you didn't actually like me in bed?" He leans forward, bringing his face far too close to mine. 

I shudder, which pleases him. He lets out a chuckle that doesn't sound right. He pauses for a moment, something over my head catching his attention. His lips slip into a smirk. "Your little friend is coming."

I can't help it - I tense. The last thing I want is Masashi to see me in this situation. I grind my teeth and force myself to meet his eyes.

"Please." I beg." "Please go. I'll see you when you come to the shop. Whenever you want. But please, go for now." He lets me go and ruffles my hair.

"Thats a good boy, Hikari." He says. He ruffles my hair and then walks off, giving Masashi a wave.

I watch him go, wrapping my fingers over my upper arm, where I know a bruise is forming from his grip.  
  
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at Masashi, his brown eyes holding concern and confusion. He's frowning. "Are you okay?" 

I close my eyes and sigh softly. I wanted nothing more than to lay my head against his chest.

"Ritsu?" Masashi shakes me a little, both hands now planted firmly on my shoulders. 

I open my eyes and nod. "Yeah.. I think so." 

He takes a step closer. "Are you sure? You look pale. And that man.." His frown deepens. "Didn't look very happy." 

I shrug and force a smile. "Its nothing really. I'm okay, Masashi. We should go."

I turn and start walking back toward the train station.

He silently follows behind me. I'm grateful he doesn't press the issue.

I know he is unsatisfied with my answer, and that he is curious and concerned for me. I know this. But I can't tell him the truth. How am I suppose to tell him what that guy just wanted to know why I haven't been having sex with him recently? And while we're on the topic, I might as well add that I'm gay, a prostitute and also madly in love with him.

 Yeah.. Definitely _not_ happening..


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu tells a secret. Masashi gets a surprise.

Mama popped his head into the shop's dressing room. He looked around until he spotted me in the corner, leisurely sprawled out across the couch. I listen to my co-workers gossip and nonsense. Mama was my boss. His real name is Renji, but escort shop owners are generally called Mama. Well, from what I hear. That what he asked me to call him, and since everyone else does, it's fine with me.

"Ahem, Ritsu! Request for you."

I glance over the back of the couch at him and nod. His long brown hair is pulled into a pony-tail. 

"Coming. Was there a request for clothing or whatever?" I ask as I stand.

"No." Mama shakes his head. "But, it's Zelch."

I visibly paused. Shit. I didn't want to see him. He was rough and it always hurt.

My hesitation showed, because I watched Mama's face pull into a frown. "Do you want me to tell him your busy?"

I exhaled and shook my head. "No, it's fine. Send him to my room."

"Are you sure?" He asked, frown remaining in place. 

I attempted a smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'll see him."

"Alright, Ritsu, if you say so." He said before closing the door behind him.

"Mama's playing favorites again." Zin, the second youngest of my co-workers said. He is a copper blonde with light eyes that often sparkled with mischief. Especially when it came to messing with one of my other co-workers, Hibiki. Zin seemed to have the most fun picking on him.

 Hibiki hit Zin on the head with a magazine before correcting him. "Mama doesn't play favorites, Zin. It's because Zelch has a record of being too rough with us. He doesn't request S&M, and therefore he isn't truthful. So, we get a to decide to sleep with him or not."

Hibiki's hair is such a dark brown, it's almost black. It's a bit longer than Zin's. I'm not sure how old Hibiki is, but something about him makes me think he's older than me. 

Zin rolls his eyes, but nods. He already knew that.

Hibiki looks up from Zin to me. "You usually turn him down. Why did you accept this time?"

"I felt like it, I guess." I said with a shrug and avoid his eyes as I make my way to the door. 

I leave the room and go to the bathroom first. I wash my hands for no reason and proceed to splash cold water on my face. I'm not so much nervous as I am afraid. Zelch frightens me.  
  
  
I leave the bathroom soon, though. I know that making Zelch wait won't help at all. I head down to the room that is designated mine and open it. He's already there. I take a deep breath as I close the door behind me. I don't want him to know that I feel this uneasy. 

He smirks at me from where he sits on the bed. "Long time no see."

I force a smile, the one I always use with clients. I've slept with him before. This time wont be any different. 

He stands and slowly makes his way over to me. He hand lands on my shoulder and he shoves me back against the door and takes my mouth in his. Kissing him is not pleasant, but I kiss him back, as if I'm into it. Because this is my job.

He puts his hand on my lower back and pulls my hips forward until I can feel every inch of his lower body against mine. I resist the urge to gag. I bring my hands up and tangle them in his auburn hair, pulling a groan from him.

Finally breaking off the kiss, he leads me to the bed and pushes me down onto my hands and knees. He starts touching me through my clothes, trying to illicit a response out of me. I moan in the right places and egg him on, because that's what I'm suppose to do. I remind myself again that this is my job. I get paid for this.

His hand presses on me, between my shoulder blades, and I lower my chest to the bed. My shirt slides down and pools around my upper back. He doesn't tell me to remove it, so I don't. He slides my sweats down and I swallow, mentally preparing myself for what may possibly come next.

He slides forward onto his knees above me and I can tell by his breathing that he's already too far gone, forgetting all steps of foreplay, he shoves himself inside me.

I bite my lip to keep from crying out at the pain of not being properly prepared. If I had not already done someone this morning, he would have torn me.

"My god. You're so tight." He groans out, pistoning his hips forward again. He doesn't waste time and begins to move.

I can taste blood in my mouth from where I'm biting my lip.

"You like that?" He says hastily, giving my ass a hard slap.

I don't respond. This sex is meaningless. I can't drown myself in the pleasure and desire if there is no pleasure.

That was the point of starting all this, to drown myself in pleasure.

To momentarily forget who I am. To forget my pain.  
  
-  
  
Zelch came to the shop several times after that, each time requesting me. Each time, he was rougher and left me with more bruises than before.

I was glad that he requested me, and no one of my co-workers. They were all my friends, and I didn't want them to go through this.

Mama asked me if I wanted to stop seeing him. It would only take one word from me and he would be on the ban list. It was that easy.

But I was scared to stop seeing him. He knew what Masashi looked like. What if he tracked him down, told him everything? I didn't know if he was the type to go after petty revenge like that. I didn't know anything about him. I couldn't risk him telling Masashi.

However, as far as Masashi is concerned, life is wonderful. "I'm telling you, I think she's gonna let me do it soon."

I glance at him over my homework, only half listening to him. "Do what?"

He smiles so broadly I think his face might split. "I think she's ready to let me go all the way. She insinuated it last night."

My breath hitches in my throat. I do not want to hear this. I'm silent just long enough that he sighs.

"Ritsu, are you listening? This is exciting for me. We've been dating nearly a year and it's finally happening." 

I flip my pencil between my fingers. I force myself to meet his eyes, forcing a smile as I do so. ""I know, sorry. Your 'I'm finally gonna lose my virginity' topic caught me a bit by surprise."

"When you put it like that its kind of embarrassing." He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, his face coloring a bit. "But how did you know I was a virgin?"

I reply with a shrug, eyes returning to my paper. "Just a guess."

He's silent for a few moments. "How about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"Did you lose your 'V' card yet?"

My heart does an unhealthy stutter at the mention of this much avoided topic. I would rather hear in detail about him losing his virginity to her, than speak one work about my sex life. My eyes lift to his and I stare for a long moment.

This time his face colors a _lot_.  "I mean you don't have to answer." He says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck again. "I was just curious."

I'm silent for another moment before I let a smile slide across my face. "The answer is yes."

I decide on the truth, rather than a lie.

Shock crosses his features. "Wait, so.. You lost your virginity?" 

"Yep." I answer honestly. I figure it's better to say so now, in case he finds out later.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, a soft frown crossing his features. 

"You didn't ask."

"I would've told you, ya ass." He says, reaching across the table and shoving my shoulder lightly. He recovers quickly and proceeds to ask another question. "Well, when did it happen then?"

"About a year ago, I think." I rub the bridge of my nose. I'm never going to get this report done.

"What? For real?"

"Yes, Masashi. For real."

"To who? Do I know her?"

"Nope, you don't." 

It's not a her, anyways.

"I see." He says after a moment. He seems to have picked up that I'd rather not talk about it, and goes silent.

A few minutes go by before his curiosity gets the better of him. "Was she pretty? What did it feel like?" 

These are the hardest questions to answer. Because I'm not attracted to women. So when people ask what it felt like, how should I answer? Because they ask without a doubt that I'm straight and topping another person. But it's the opposite. I'm gay and a bottom. So these questions are difficult. So I answer what I think is right. "Yes, and it was good."

"I'm not going to be able to pry any details out of you, am I?" He asks with a defeated sigh.

"No. Focus on your studies, Masashi." I answer, my voice sounding final.

He goes silent, and doesn't bring it up again.

I finish my assignment and then pull out my textbooks. I have a test coming up.   
  
After a while, I glance at the clock and am surprised by how late its gotten. When I glance over at Masashi, he's sprawl out on the floor on the other side of the table. His textbook lies next to him, but he's sound asleep. Sprawled out like that, he is practically the description of cute.

I crawl around the coffee table and sit next to him. He looks so vulnerable and so.. Innocent. A twinge of pain shoots through me as I'm reminded of how dirty I've become.

I run my fingers across his cheek, over his jaw. He sleeps so soundly. Surely it would be alright to indulge myself a little..

I run my thumb over his lower lip, fascinated at how soft they are. Jealously hits me as I wonder how many times Ishihara has kissed these lips. Surely it would be alright, as long as he doesn't wake..

I run my thumb back over his lips. I lean down and press my lips against his. 

I pull back just as quickly, because the last thing I need to do is get caught. I study his face for a moment. His eye lashes are so long. His face blurs as tears well up, and spill over, landing on his perfect face. I wipe them away and brush some of his black hair out of his eyes.

Nothing hurts more than knowing I cant have him.  
  
I pull away and go to the bathroom to wash myself up.

When I come back I put my things in my bag before I shake him awake. "Masashi. Wake up."

Not fully conscious, Masashi mumbles something under his breath, but I can't make out what it is. I listen for a moment, and he says it again. His girlfriend's name slips over his lips and the word resonates painfully in my chest.

I shake him again, harder this time.

His brown eyes blink open at me, and he frowns. "What?"

"I'm going home." I reply, my voice sounding more curt than I meant it to. I stand and move over to start putting my things back into my bag.

"Man, I was having a really good dream." He leans up on one elbow and yawns.

Yeah, I could tell. My chest hurts, but I know it isn't his fault. He has no idea. I feel unreasonably upset and I can feel tears building up again. I keep my back to him as I take a few deep breaths to steady myself, but it doesn't help.

"Oh, it's this late already." He says, and I can all but hear the frown in his voice. "You should've woken me."

A tear slips down and it's all I can do to suppress the sob that builds in my chest. I stand and lift my bag over my shoulder.

"Ritsu?"

I steady myself for a moment and then repeat myself, but my voice wavers slightly. "I'm going home."

I head for his bedroom door, wanting nothing more to escape. I didn't want him to see me like this. 

"Ritsu," His fingers slip over my wrist as I pass him. He's still sitting on the floor. "Is something wrong?"

I shake my head because I don't trust my voice. I try to pull my wrist out of his grip but he holds on. 

"You're lying." He says, and stands. "Look at me." 

I do, very briefly, and the surprise on his face is just enough for me to pull out of his grip.

Masashi has only ever seen me cry once in our many,  _many_ years of friendship. And that was over something much bigger than this. 

I slip out his bedroom door and make a break for it. I take the stairs quickly and collide with his mother at the end, whom was turning the corner to come up. I knock us both over and the expression on her face is one of surprise.

 

"Ritsu?" She says, sitting up. 

I stand quickly, and say a quick apology before I break for the front door. I really don't want to talk to Masashi. 

 

"Ritsu, wait!" Masashi calls from behind me, making his way down the stairs.

I run out the front door and make it to the gate before he catches me. His fingers wrap around my wrist and he jerks me to a halt. I stay standing away from him.

"Ritsu, what's wrong?" I can hear the uneasiness in his voice.  "Please talk to me. Did I do something?"

I take another deep breath and shake my head again. That's really the thing. He  _hasn't_ done anything. This is on me.

I'm about to make an excuse, when I pause. I realize how  _tired_ I am of making excuses.

That's when I realize what I'm about to do.

I lift my hand to brush my hair out of my eyes and I notice that it's shaking.

"Will you please look at me?" 

"I have something important to tell you." I say, although I don't look at him. My voice trembled. I pull my wrist out of his grip again.

"Okay." He replies. He sounds confused. "What is it?"

I sigh softly and turn to face him. He does look confused, and concerned. He truly has no idea what this is about. He waits for me to speak. 

"I love you." I blurt out before I can change his mind. "And not as a friend."

For several agonizing seconds, the sound of my racing heart is all I can hear. I force myself to maintain eye-contact. I see his face slowly change, shock mixing in with his confusion.

He is silent for a long moment. "What?"

"I love you." I repeat myself, my voice sounding much smaller this time.

"You love... me?" He repeats, his brows knit into a low frown. "Since when?"

I shake my head as I drop my gaze. "Long time."

I hear him take a shaky breath, as this slowly starts to sink in. "So.. What? You're... gay?"

"Yes, Masashi. I'm... gay."

I keep my eyes on the ground, unable to bring myself to look at him again. I don't know what I'll see there when this sets in. I'm terrified he'll find me disgusting. I'm terrified that he'll push me away and I will lose him.

"I don't expect anything from you." I say finally. I take a few steps back. "I didn't want you to find out... But I was at my limit. I'm so sorry."

I know he doesn't know how to respond. He needs to let it sink in. He needs time.

So I'll give it to him. As much time as he needs.

I smile sadly as I turn and walk away. I will never forget the look on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu is raped. Masashi finds the rope marks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write. I had to do it in several different sitting so like, meh.  
> Anyway~ I hope you enjoy. x3

The past few weeks I've been avoiding everyone, Masashi especially. I don't want to be alone. But I don't want to be with someone who thinks they know who I am. So I seek the comfort of the red light district. Of the shop I sell myself out of.  
I walk through the building to the dressing room, where I find Ran, a fellow escort, changing for his next customer.  
 "Hey, Ritsu! Been awhile since we had the same shift, huh? Nice to see you!" He exclaims before disappearing into a row of clothes. "Yeah, same to you. How you been?" I ask, setting my stuff down next to the couch. "I've been great!" He answers. "Hey, what do you think, brunette or blond?" He asked, holding two wigs up over the clothes racks. "Blond. Definitely."  
"Agreed. I'm a sexy blond, average brunette." He chirps, his voice almost song-like.  
He comes out wearing a kinky maid's outfit, having pulled the long blonde wig over his own blonde hair, and I have to admit, he looks pretty sexy. If he wasn't also a bottom, I'd consider sleeping with him. I cringe inside, knowing I'd sleep with some just cause he's sexy.  "Your right, sexy blond." He wiggles his eyebrows, giggles, and disappears out the door.  
  
I walk out and down the hall, to the lounge area. I walk through the door and skim the room. The room is large, but not huge. Big enough for a bar on the right side of the room, tables and couches on the left. Music plays, 24/7.Its just like any common bar, save a few exceptions. Its full of people, escorts and clients alike. An escort on the other side of the room captures a client, slinking out of the room hand-in-hand. I make my way over to the bar, plop myself down on a stool and order some sake.  
A cute straight-laced looking guy across the bar catches my gaze. I wink at him and he blushes immensely. I slide off my stool and make my way down the bar to him. "Hey." I say, sliding onto the stool next to him. He clears his throat, "Uh, hi."  
I chuckle. "First time here?" I ask. "Yes, it is." He says. "I'm not really sure what to do exactly." He adds, with a nervous laugh.  
"Well, I'm guessing you didn't come here for the bar." I say, reaching across and stroking his cheek with the back on my hand. He gapes at me for a moment, before quickly regaining his composure, blushing again.  
I watch his adams apple bob up and down as he swallows. "Uh, no. No, I didn't.."  
"Good, cause that wouldn't be any fun." I say. "So, wanna get out of here?" He chokes on his drink, and coughs for a moment. Man, this guy is so innocent. He looks at me, surprise lighting his face. "Uh, I.. umm.."  
"Am I not your type?" I ask, smirking. He looks me up and down before averting his gaze to the counter. "No.. I mean, yes. You _are_ my type."  "Do you want to then?" He nods, reaching into his pocket to pay the bartender.  
"Good, lets go then." I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowd and into the hallway. I walk passed the dressing room a ways before stopping at my assigned room. I open it and pull him in behind me, closing and locking the door behind me.    
I push him down until he's sitting on the bed. I climb on top of him, unbuttoning his shirt. I undress him slowly, seductively. Placing a kiss, biting an earlobe, sliding my hand down his bare-chest. I pull back and kiss him as his hands encircle my waist. I break the kiss off and pull my shirt over my head. "How do you like it? Doggy-style?" He blushes and averts his gaze.  
"I… I don't know. I've never done this before.." He says sheepishly. Not surprising really.  
"Thats alright, theres a first time for everything." I reply softly, pushing him down. I finish undressing us.  
I take him in my mouth, swirling my tongue around his hot member. He gasps, sliding his fingers into my hair. I suck and lick for several minutes. I stop and grab the lube off the nightstand. I pour some into my hand and slick two fingers before sliding them into myself. He watches me prepare myself. I lean in and kiss him. He remind me of Masashi in a way. He's kind.  
I take my fingers out and adjust myself above his length, before sliding down in one swift motion.  
  
____________________________  
   
_Ah, I forgot to ask his name_ , I thought after he left. He's one of the few who's name I would have actually liked to know.  
  
I lay there for a while, drifting in and out of sleep. I should probably go home soon, but if I could just get five more minutes… That thought is cut off by the bed shifting, my eyes snap open just before a hand clamps down over my mouth.  
I struggle, pushing at his shoulder. But he's stronger than me, and holds me down firmly.  
His face finally comes into view, and I know him. Zelch.  
He reaches behind him, producing a rope. He shifts his weight onto his left leg, before lifting his right one and placing it on my shoulder. "If you say a word, I _will_ go and find that little friend of yours and tell him everything for you. Wouldn't that be a load off your chest?" He snickers.  
He removes his hand from my mouth and reaches above me to tie the rope to the headboard. When he's finished he tells me to lift my hands, I comply. The last thing I want is someone telling Masashi the rest of my story. If someone has to tell him, it'll be me.  
He ties both my hands to the headboard, too. He reaches behind him and I hear him rustling through something, before he produces a collar. He proceeded to put it on me so tight that I could hardly tell the difference between the collar and my own skin.  
He got off me, and moved to sit between my legs. He produced two more ropes, before lifting my legs and spreading them. He tied each leg to the side of the headboard, in a fairly embarrassing position.    
To finish it off, he put a gag on me. I closed my eyes. The next thing I felt was his hand on my thigh, before he roughly inserted himself into me. I yelped, but it was muffled by the gag. My vision went black with pain. When I feel his hot tongue on the skin above my nipple, it makes me jump.  I open my eyes to see him smirking down at me.  
"You know, this situation is your fault, Hikari." He says, his voice raspy. My fault? "You made me this way." He says, dragging his right hand down my chest. He leans down and whispers in my ear, his hot breath unpleasant on my skin.  "Your just too beautiful, Hikari. It makes me want to defile you."  
_Beautiful? Me?_ No. I'm disgusting. Perhaps Zelch is right, perhaps I _did_ make him this way. Perhaps everything I touch becomes contaminated, dirtied. Will the shy man from before become dirty, as well?  
And what about Masashi? Have I already contaminated him?  
Zelch picks up his speed, rocking my body faster, and I have no choice but to lay here as he takes me.  
His breath becomes more ragged and I can tell he's near his limit.  
He groans loudly and I close my eyes as his hot load fills me.  
He pulls out and stands up. "This was fun. Lets do it again sometime." He smirks, picks up the money from the previous guy and walks out.  
Leaving me bound to the bed.  
  
____________________________  
  
  
An eternity seemed to pass before someone came to find me. Zin walked through the door saying, "Come on, Ritsu! Cant lay round all d-" His expression went white upon seeing my situation. "Oh shit." He crossed the room quickly. "Hibiki! Get in here _now_!" He yelled. But I was grateful. Hibiki burst through the door with a husky "What?" but also went white when he saw me.  
____________________________  
  
  
I sat in the dressing room drinking tea Mama had prepared. He was mortified when Hibiki told him. "Are you _sure_ your alright Rit-chan?" Mama asked for the tenth time. "Yes, Mama. I'm okay." I answer, for the tenth time.  
"I should have banned him from the shop when you first said he could be a problem. I'm so sorry, Rit-chan. I put your safety at risk." I shake my head, "It isn't your fault Mama. I should've told you he was getting worse to deal with."  
He sighed, "I guess we all make mistakes, huh?" He smiles and pats me on the head. "I have to go put him on the banned list, so I'll be taking my leave." I nod and he walks out.  
Zin burst into the room, making me jump. I can tell he's pretty wired. He walks across the room and plops into a love-seat.  
I pour him a cup of tea and slide it across the coffee table to him. "Thanks." He mutters. "Mmmhmm."  
A couple of minutes pass with him constantly fidgeting on the couch. He always does this when he has something to say.  
"Just spit it out, Zin."  He jumped at the chance to vent. "I just can't believe that bastard would do that to you. Well, I mean I can, but still. Its wrong! How do people get turned on by that shit? He put the collar on so tight I thought I was going to choke you to death trying to get it off!"  He threw his hands up in exasperation. "And shouldn't you be like, more upset or something?"  
A husky laugh came from the doorway. "Not everyone is as open with their feelings as you are, Zin." Hibiki said, leaning against the door-gam. "Well they should be. It'd make things a hell of a lot more simple." Zin retorts. Hibiki shrugs off the door, chuckling, and joins Zin on the love-seat. "So it would." Hibiki said, ruffling Zin's hair.  
I glance at the clock and sigh. "Well, I best be going. I have to study for a test tonight." I say, standing up.  
"Oh right. Ritsu, wait." Hibiki says as I reach the door. I settle my hand on the doorknob and turn to look at him. "Mama sent me in here to tell you to take some time off. He doesn't want to see you in here for a couple weeks."  
I nod. "Yeah, I was afraid you were going to say that." I turn the knob and walk out, "Night." I call behind me. I hear Zin's reply call after me, and as I close the door I notice Hibiki plant a kiss on Zin's temple.  
I'd suspected they were and item for a while, and if they are not an item then I believe they do harbor feelings for each other. Hibiki is kinder to Zin than anyone.  
   
____________________________  
  
   
"Hey, whats going on with you and Masashi?" Sion, my geek of a friend and classmate, asked while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  
"What do you mean?" I replied, not looking up from my textbook.  
"Well, usually, you and Masashi are like, inseparable." He rests his chin on his hand.  "And, you stopped taking extra lessons. Granted that you didn't need to take the extra lessons, but all of the extra lessons you stopped taking are ones that Masashi were in. So I was curious to know if you guys had a fight or something."  
"Yeah, something like that." I reply, twirling my pen around my fingers. "Could you be a little more vague?"  
"Sure." Seriously, isn't a library suppose to be peaceful? I actually need to study for this test.  
Sion sighs and reaches across the table, snatching my book up. "I'm talking to you, Ritsu."  
"Okay, okay. Yes, we had an argument." He raises an eyebrow. "About?" He pries.  
"Whats it matter? And can I please have my book back? Unlike you, there are actually people that need to study."  
"Okay, point taken." He says, handing me back my book. He turns his head and whistled quietly. "Well, well. Isn't she a looker?" He gestures to a petite brunette putting books back on the shelves. Ciara. "She's in some of my classes. Her names Ciara and she has a boyfriend, a dog, a cat and her mom's been upset that she wants to do something other than study this weekend." I say matter-of-factly. He gives me a blank stare. "Why the hell do you know that?"  
I shrug, "She sits behind me in one of my classes. She and her 'bestie' chitchat non-stop behind me."  
"Why don't I get any sexy people in my classes?" He pouts, running a hand through his wavy black hair.  
"You sure you didn't just drive them all away?" I ask, only half paying attention to him. I don't really care to talk to him about who is and isn't sexy. I think we have very different taste in sexy anyway.  
Just when Sion finally shuts up and starts paying attention to his own workbooks, someone comes into view at the edge of the table. "Oh hey, Masashi. We were just talking about you. I hope you guys make up soon, fighting is no good." I glare at Sion, while weighing the pros and cos of strangling him right here. Masashi glances between me and Sion. "Uh, right." He says awkwardly. He clears his throat, "Um, can I talk to you outside for a moment, Ritsu?"  
I sigh and rise from the table, gathering my things.  
  
____________________________  
  
  
I follow him out of the building for a few yards.  
He turns around and faces me. "How long are you going to avoid me?" I shift awkwardly on my feet. "I'm not." I lie.  
Taken aback he says, "No? So you just happen to drop out of all the classes we had together on the same day you.." He clears his throat. "Anyway, you cant just drop a bomb on me like that and then avoid me like I'm the plague."  
"I'm sorry." I manage to mutter. "I was just.. trying to give you space, I guess. I don't want to drop out of your life. I want to be a part of it more than you'll ever know, but I figured you'd need some time to figure out how to deal with.. me." I say quickly.  
He sighs. "Okay. Your right, I am going to need some time to figure out how to respond. I mean, I just never thought of you like that, so.. Anyway, I don't want you out of my life so please don't avoid me anymore."  
"I understand. I'm really sorry.." He shakes his head and then frowns at me.  
"Aren't you hot in that?" He asks, being -of course- the only one to point out my turtleneck sweater. But yeah, it _is_ hot.  
I shift on my feet again. "Well, I'd like to think I'm hot in anything, but perhaps thats just me flattering myself."  
The corner of his mouth tugs up in an almost-smile. "Do you want an undershirt? I have an extra one in my bag."  
"No, no thank you. I'm fine." I answer, perhaps a little to quickly. _I'm actually wearing this for a reason_ , I silently add.  
But he's perceptive, and I can see the wheels turning in his head, locking things into place. I think its time I take my leave.  
"I gotta go, I'm going to be late for my next class." I turn to take my leave. I don't even get two steps away before his hand circles around my wrist and pulls me back around to face him. "Your not.. -he swallows- cutting yourself, right?"  
_Cutting_ myself? I can't say the thought never crossed my mind, but that's not my biggest issue right now.  
 "No. I'm not cutting myself." I say slowly.  
"Then you wouldn't mind showing me your wrists?" He holds my gaze, searching for something that he probably wont find.  
I'm screwed. "Can't you just take my word for it?" I ask, trying not to let my hesitation - and panic - show.  
"I would like to, but your hesitation makes me think your hiding something." Shit. I guess theres no way out of it now. If I resist further he'll be even more suspicious.  
I swallow. "You wont like what you see." Is all I manage to say before he pulls my sleeve up.    
He stares at the rope marks for what seems like a year, while I bore a hole in the sidewalk. I chance a look at his face, only to notice his face has paled considerably. "Are these.. rope marks?" I close my eyes and nod, since forming words doesn't feel possible right now. "Who did this to you? Are you in some kind of trouble?" He asks, his voice taking on a form of panic.  
I shake my head. "I'm not in any kind of trouble.." This time I bore holes into a nearby tree.  
"Ritsu." He says softly. "Who did this to you?" _I can't do this._  
I shake my head again. _I cant do this._  
This is the last thing I ever wanted to tell him. "Ritsu!" He shakes me.  
' _Stop, if you tell him he will find you disgusting. He'll leave you for sure._ ' My mind keeps telling me over and over that this is a bad idea. Really bad.  
"I'm sorry." My voice trembles. "I… I never wanted you to find out. I never wanted you to see this side of me."  
 "I don't understand, Ritsu." He squeezes my shoulder, encouraging me.  
_'No, no, no. Stop. Lie, make something up! '_  
I take a shaky breath.  
_'Last chance before you fuck this up. Don't tell him, Ritsu. Your smarter than this.'_ My mind warns me, but I ignore it.  
 Pushing my hair back with my free hand, I look him in the eye.  
"I'm a male prostitute."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please leave feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu needs to sleep with someone. Masashi is uneasy. Ishihara is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't as long as the last but nonetheless I hope you enjoy.

It takes several long seconds for it to sink it. But I know by the way his face pales even more that he understands. I avert my gaze back to the ground.

"S-since when?"

  
I shrug. "About a year ago."

His hands are trembling. He runs a hand through his hair. "Why?" His voice quivers.

I swallow. "Because when I realized I was gay and… in love with you I had a hard time hiding it. And when you started going out with Ishihara.. I couldn't take it. I tried to drown myself in studies but it didn't work. Nothing worked. So I went to the red light district, to find someone, anyone, who was willing to sleep with me. I lost my virginity to a stranger. After that, I couldn't stop. I constantly drowned myself in sexual pleasure, so that, just for a moment, I could forget I was in love with someone I couldn't have. Eventually a shop heard I was sleeping around a lot and hired me. But then the only difference was that I slept with strangers… and got paid." I stopped, taking several deep breaths. I chanced a look at Masashi and winced at his pained expression.

"So.. I drove you to do this?" His voice was husky, and I thought for a moment he might cry.

  
"No. No one drove me to do anything. I fell in love and couldn't handle it. The choice was mine and mine alone." My voice cracked and the sidewalk blurred with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm disgusting aren't I?" 

A choking sound came from Masashi and he pulled me into a hug. "No. No. Don't ever say that. Your not disgusting. Your perfectly human."

Not able to find any words, I just hugged him and cried on his shirt.

  
After a few minutes I pulled away, my back hot from his touch. I wiped the remaining wetness from my face with the sleeve of my sweater. I took a few shaky breaths. "Well, now what do we do?" 

He chuckles. "I have no clue. But we'll figure something out, okay? So don't go avoiding me anymore." He pauses to rub the back of his neck. "I don't want to lose you."

  
Those words alone could allow me to die happily. "Okay." I say, as a smile pulls at my lips.

  
He glances down at his watch. "We'll continue this later, I have to get to my next class." He pauses before adding, "Come hang out with me tomorrow. Please. My mom makes great cookies."

  
"You don't have to bribe me to get me to come, you know. I'll come." I grin, "And her cookies are better that great, they melt frozen hearts."  
 

"Great!" He says before jogging off back toward the building. He throws  "See you tomorrow!" over his shoulder before disappearing back into the building.  
  
-  
  
"You're going to hate me." Masashi says after getting off the phone with Ishihara. I look up from my spot on the floor of his living room, eating off a plate of cookies that Masashi's mother left.

"And why is that?"  I ask, knowing I couldn't hate him even if I tried.

"I may or may not have accidentally not been able to refuse Ishihara request.." He says, rubbing the back of his neck.

I chuckle at his wording. Pulling my best friend mask back on, I reply, "Oh, yeah? Well I can leave if you need to go see her."

  
He shakes his head, "No, she wants you to come too."

I raise an eyebrow. "Okay. Where are we going?"

  
"To a festival." He replies.

"Ah, she wants you to see her in her yukata." I say, eating the last cookie.I stand, taking the cookie plate to the kitchen, where Masashi's mom is. I set the plate on the counter next to the sink, where she's doing dishes. I lean over and peck her on the cheek, "Thanks for the cookies, Saki-san. They were amazing."

  
She giggles. "You're very welcome, I'm glad you liked them. and please, drop the '-san'. It makes me feel old."  

  
"You're not allowed to feel old when you still look twenty-five." I say, winking at her. She did look twenty-five, although she was thirty-six.

"Are you hitting on my wife again?" Masashi's father, Kyouya, walks into the kitchen with Masashi on his heels.

  
"Yes, sir. Totally." I salute him.

Saki giggles again, and Kyouya grins. "At least you know how to pick em." He says, straightening his tie.

I meet Masashi's eyes, and grin. "Yes, sir. I do." I catch the faintest blush creep across Masashi's cheeks.

  
"Are you heading off to your meeting now, Kyo?" Saki asks her husband.

"Yes, but I'll be back in two hours tops."

  
"Ah, thats good news!" Saki walks up to her husband and throws her arms around his neck, pecking him on the mouth. "How about that date you've been promising me?"

   
I glance over at Masashi, who mouths, "Ready?"

I nod, shrugging off the counter and making my way to him. He hands me my bag. I slip my shoes on and slide my bag over my shoulder. "Bye bye, Saki-san, Kyo-ya-yin!"

  
I look back as he breaks their kiss off, "Hey! Don't screw with my name, kid!"

  
I follow Masashi out the door, throwing "Aye aye, Kyo-taicho!" over my shoulder. He shouts something else, but I don't hear it as the door closes behind me. I join Masashi on the sidewalk.

"You have the weirdest relationship with my family." He says, shaking his head.

"They're fun. I enjoy them a lot." I say as we head out the gate. "Where are we meeting Ishihara?"

     
"At the festival."  
  
____________________________  
  
Masashi and I walk through the rows of stands, to where we are suppose to meet Ishihara on the other side of the festival. High school students, couples, children and their parents busy the street, all enjoying themselves. I see a young couple walk hand-in-hand, he leans in and whispers something in her ear, making her giggle. I think about how nice it would be if I could walk hand-in-hand with Masashi like that.

  
I spot Ishihara first, she leans down speaking to a child before standing and regarding the parents. She spots us, bows to the parents and makes her way to us. Masashi spots her, raises his hand and waves. I take notice of her dark blue yukata. I elbow Masashi in the ribs, "Told ya so. Its even your favorite color."

He glances down at me, uncertainty flashes across his face. "So it is." He says, forcing a smile onto his face. The worst thing about confessing is that now he is overly conscious of me and my feelings. This is going to be a _very_ awkward night.

  
We reach Ishihara and she practically glows with excitement. She hugs Masashi and he stiffly returns it. I look away as she leans up and kisses him, a twinge of pain shoots through me.  They pull apart and she grabs his hand, tugging Masashi down the street, saying something about how theres a stand over here that has something she wants. I fall into step beside her, Masashi throws me a glance over her head, and I know that it wasn't a good idea to come. Who brings their gay best friend on a date with his girlfriend?

She engages in a conversation about how someone at her part-time job thinks she would look good with brown hair, instead of black. Masashi seems to zone out, so I respond accordingly and she shifts her attention to me. "What do you think? Would brown hair suit me?" She asks, smiling up at me. She really is adorable. Like a puppy with huge eyes that is so cute no one can say no to it.

I smile back. "I think you would look good with any color. But somehow, black seems to suit you really well. I would stick with it if I were you." I reply earnestly.

"You think so?" She asks, giggling.

"Mmm, I do." I say, glancing at Masashi. He doesn't look like he's heard a word we've said.

  
I spot a shop stand that has squid. "Hey, I'm gonna go get some squid. You guys want some?" I ask.

Ishihara wrinkles her nose, "No, thank you. I'm not really a fan."

Masashi just shakes his head.

  
I make my way over to the stand, order and pay for the squid. I head back to them. They're facing each other, Ishihara's expression concerned. Masashi leans in and kisses her on the forehead, -another stab of pain and jealousy- but theres something stiff about his actions.

  
And I realize why. Its because of me, my presence. He's conscious of my feelings and is trying to figure out how to be considerate.  
But he's only going to make things weird with his girlfriend. I need to get out of here.

  
I walk up to them, and I hear Masashi tell her he's going to go to the bathroom. He walks off and I turn to follow him, muttering that I have to go as well, but Ishihara grabs my sleeve. "Did you two fight?" She asks, genuine concern flooding her features.

I smile reassuringly at her, "Not so much a fight as a misunderstanding. I'll clear it up, so don't worry, okay?"

She smiles, nodding. "Okay." She lets go of my sleeve, and I job to catch up with Masashi.

By the time I enter the bathroom he's at the sink, washing his hands. He splashes water on his face. I lean against the wall. "You're like an open book, Masashi."

He visibly jumps, not having noticed my presence. Leaning against the sink, he meets my gaze in the mirror. "That bad, huh?" He sighs when I nod. "I'm sorry. I just don't.. know what to do. How to act."

  
I soften. "Its okay, Masashi. No damage has been done. Just, for her sake as well as your own, try to hide your unease."I lean my head back against the brick wall. "And don't worry about me. Act around her like you always do. Its okay. I'm use to it."

He flinches at the last part, but he nods. "Okay. I just don't want to… hurt you." He whispers.

"We should go before she starts thinking we got mugged or something." I mumble, shrugging off the wall. He follows me out and falls into step beside me. "Oh and by the way, I told her we had a misunderstanding of some sorts."

He glances at me and nods, putting his hands in his pockets.

We walk back up to where Ishihara is, and she smiles at us. She walks over to Masashi, grabbing his hand. She looks up at him like she's found the worlds greatest treasure.  She has no idea. I take that moment to make my escape.

"Well, I've had my fun. Sorry to intrude on your date, but I'll be going now." I say, bowing dramatically.

"You don't have to go, you know. I did invite you, too." Ishihara says.

I smile at her. "No, its okay. I'm sure you guys will have more than enough fun without me. I have something else to do anyway." I add the last part quickly.

Ishihara nods. "Okay, if you say so."

  
"You owe me one, Masashi!" I call over my shoulder as I make my way out of the festival, weaving through the crowd.

  
I take a deep breath, glad to be out of there. It always hurts to be around him and Ishihara together.

  
I really need to just sleep with someone right _now_.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Thanks for the Kudos as well!! I appreciate it. :3


	5. Falter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the delay in update! I know its been like over a month. This past month has been hell for me. But I finally got it done and I hope you enjoy it!

"Are you sure you should be back, Rit-chan?" Mama asks me again. "Its okay if you want to take some more time off.."   
I shake me head. "No, I want to come back. Thank you though." I smile at him. He nods, "Okay. Well if you change your mind you can go home." He smiles at me before walking out the door. I set my bag next to the couch before I walk over to the makeup dresser, trying to decide how to best cover my rope marks. Ran burst through the door, talking to someone on the phone. "No! I told you, I'm working tonight. I won't get off until late." He exclaims. He waves at me, setting his bag on the love-seat. I nod at him, turning back to the makeup counter. "Yeah, okay. Okay. Bye." He hangs up and sighs dramatically.   
"Oh! Can I do your makeup?" I meet his eyes in the mirror. "I was just going to cover the rope marks." I reply. He sticks his tongue out at me. "Your no fun." He walks over to me, pulling a second chair up to the counter. He grabs a foundation pounder box and gestures for me to sit. I comply, knowing if I didn't he would pout and pester me until I let him.   
He turns my head back and forth, looking over the mark. "I was sorry to hear about what happened to you. Such a cruel thing to do." He whispers, looking away. I reach up and ruffle his blonde hair. He smiles sadly at me. He gets back to work on my neck. When he's done he turns the chair for me to see it in the mirror. "Wow. Your good. Its like it was never there." I say. "Thanks." He giggles. "Its no problem." He says before spinning my chair back around and pulling me to my feet.   
"If you let me pick out your clothes I will love you forever." He says, pulling me to the clothes rack. I sigh. Should have known this was coming. "Fine, just this once." I say reluctantly. Ran has no boundaries and will go all out with this. "Yay! Thanks, Ritsu!" He exclaims, blue eyes twinkling.  He lets go of my hand in the middle of an isle, heading over to a box by the wall.   
"Strip while I pick out something." He says, rummaging through the box. I proceed to pull my shirt over my head, followed by my pants. He hands me a pair of lacy black underwear and I cringe inwardly. Sighing, I pull them on. He rummages through some of the clothes racks before pulling out a black shirt of some sorts. Without looking at it closely I pull it over my head.   
Its a low cut shirt  - comes down to the center of my chest - with black netting for sleeves. He finishes it off with a pair of skin tight dark blue skinny jeans. Ran steps back, hands on hips, admiring his handy work. "Man. I'm so good at this." He flips his hair, shooing me out of the isle. "Go get em! I've taken up enough of your time." I make my way out.   
I bump into Hibiki in the hallway, he raises an eyebrow at me after assessing my outfit. He knows I hardly ever get into the wardrobe available to us. "Ran got a hold of me." I explain.   
He chuckles, amusement lighting up his eyes. "Not surprising. He's been dying to get ahold of you for a while."  
I sigh. "I'm just glad he didn't go as overboard as I feared he might." Hibiki nods, leaning back against the wall.   
"You'll have to ask Zin about his unfortunate, and highly amusing, mistake. And make sure I'm around when you do, or else he will leave important details out." I laugh, "I'll be sure to do that. I have to go sign in now, later." I say, leaving Hibiki in the hallway. "Later." He says, shrugging off the wall.   
  
  
I sign in before heading into the lounge. I scan the room, looking for someone even remotely attractive to me, before settling on a guy in a suit in the corner of the room. I walk up to his table. "Is this seat taken?" He meets my gaze and slowly shakes his head. "No. Please, sit." He gestures toward the chair across from him. I sit. He uncrosses and recrosses his legs, taking a drink from his glass. "First time here?" I ask. "To this particular place, yes." A waitress comes by and asks how we're doing, and Suit Guy orders another drink. "You frequent another place?" He shrugs. "Enough about me. How long have you been working here?" He asks. I lean back  in my chair. "Around a year." I reply. "But, I'm hoping your not here just to ask an escort questions."  "No. I suppose not." He smirks. "Shall we?" I nod. "This way."   
  
____________________________  
  
  
  
Once in the room Suit Guy loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He sits down at the edge of the bed.   
He clears his throat. "Why don't you prepare yourself in the bathroom?" _Umm, okay. Thats kind of odd._ "Um, sure."   
I look through the contents under the bathroom sink. The only kind of lube in here is grape flavored. When the hell did I get that? Aside from that, there is a purple vibrator, a pair of fluffy purple handcuffs and a purple whip. I must have been really drunk when I got these. I set the vibrator and lube on top of the sink. Sliding my pants off, I get to work.  
••  
When I'm done I wrap a towel around my waist and walk out of the bathroom. I do a double take. I blink a few times.   
Suit Guy is leaning against the headboard, talking to another guy. They pause when I come out of the bathroom. The other guy looks a little younger than Suit Guy but has stubble on chin, where Suit Guy in cleanly shaven. "I don't mean to interrupt or whatever, but.." I pause to look at both of them. "Why are there two of you now?" Stubble Guy laughs. "Sorry, are you surprised?" He pauses to look at Suit Guy. "We didn't think anyone would accept to a threesome, so we thought we'd surprise you." I stare at him. So thats why Suit Guy wanted me to prepare myself in the bathroom.   
"So you thought I'd accept after getting to the room?" Suit Guy crosses his arms. "We were hoping we could talk you into it." Stubble Guy smiles. "Yeah, we'll  triple your normal fee, if you accept."   
Tripled pay, huh? I don't particularly care either way. I think about Masashi and Ishihara at the festival. I sigh. I just need to do it with someone right now.   
I look at them. _I'm so going to regret this._ "I've never had a threesome. Could be fun, you know?"   
Stubble Guy smiles. "Great. Lets get started then."   
Suit Guy gets off the bed and starts undressing. Stubble Guy does the same. Suit Guy has longer, leaner features than Stubble Guy. Suit Guy sits in the arm chair and beckons me to him. I position myself above him, my legs straddling his, pulling my towel off all in the same movement. He grabs ahold my buttock, spreading them, and pulls me down his length in one swift motion. I shiver and he groans. I rest me hands on his shoulders and begin moving against him. We continue this for several minutes before I feel Stubble Guy's hands on my back. One hand moves up my shoulder and presses, stilling me. The other reaches farther down, where Suit Guy and I are connected. He slips one finger in, which doesn't really bother me since I've taken larger than Suit Guy. He slips another in, scissors, stretching. I flinch a little when he inserts the third.   
Which only leads me to _really_ realize how much this is going to hurt. But maybe it will take longer for me to think about Masashi again. Maybe it'll hurt enough that my mind won't wander. I need that.   
Stubble Guy removes his fingers, replacing them with his tip. He pushes in slowly, and Suit Guy pulls out just a little and thrusts back in, pulling Stubble Guy in deeper with him. And the pain was unbelievable. My vision blurred and I bit into Suit Guy's shoulder to prevent me from biting my tongue off. Suit Guy must have made a gesture to Stubble Guy, because they both stopped moving. It still hurt but the pain definitely lessened. A little. "You okay?" Suit Guy asks, his voice hoarse from exertion. I release his shoulder, leaning my forehead against it instead. I take several deep breaths, then nod. He gestures to Stubble Guy again and they continue. I remind myself to breath and its a little better.   
It felt like it went on for an eternity, although I'm not sure how much time passed. The longer it went on, the more numb my body became, blocking out some of the pain. They tripled my price, like they said they would. It was almost worth it.  
  
____________________________  
  
Okay. Part of me definitely regrets that. I've never been so sore for so long. Three days of laying in bed with a fever and I swear to never do that again.   
I jump when the phone startles me and groan at the pain it shoot down my back. I look at the caller ID. Masashi.   
I clear me throat, then press send. "Hello?" I say. My voice sounds horrible even to me.   
_"Hey, Ritsu?I haven't seen you or heard from you since the festival and you missed your lectures today."_ He says, pausing to take a breath, _"So I called to see how your doing? You okay?"_  
I roll over and groan. "Define okay, Masashi."  
He remains silent for a few moments. _"Okay means your not laying on the floor dying."_  
I laugh, but it turns into a coughing fit. "Well, I must be okay since I'm not laying on the floor."  
He laughs. _"Okay. How sick are you?"_  
"I crawl to the bathroom."  
 _"Mm. When did you last eat?"_  
I debate this for a moment. "Umm, at the festival?"  
 _"Why does that sound like a question?"_  
"I was trying to remember if I even ate anything at the festival."  
He sighs. _"I'll be over in a bit."_   
"No, Masashi, I think it best if yo-" _Click._ I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Bastard hung up on me. How rude. I roll over and go back to bed.   
  
  
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I wake up to the sweet aroma of food. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I roll over right as Masashi opens the bedroom door and peeks his head in. "You alive?" I pull myself up into a sitting position. "No."  He smiles, bringing in a tray with some kind of soup on it. My mouth waters. I quickly down it. "Its been a long time since you cooked for me." I smile at him.   
"Thats very true. Maybe you should get sick more often." He jokes lightly. "If it means you'll come take care of me, maybe I will." I say, meeting his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, realizes the deeper meaning to my words, decides against it and closes his mouth. He nods, looking away. I watch his adams apple move up and down as he swallows. He leans his head forward, and his dark hair moves to cover his eyes. _Shit. I did it again._   
After a few minutes he meets my gaze and I smile at him. "How did you get sick?" My mask falters, not prepared for the question. I correct it quickly, but I know he won't miss it. "I think its just a common cold."  
He sighs. "Don't lie to me, Ritsu. You've always been a terrible liar and you know it. Although you hide it pretty well, you look like your going to puke every time you move." He pauses. "And you didn't hide the kiss mark below your collar bone very well." I lean my head back against the headboard. "You really don't want to know. You _think_ want to know but you don't." I stare at the ceiling, because thats safer than staring at him.   
"Maybe your right. But I'm worried about you Ritsu, and I need to know your not hurting yourself." Out of the corner of my eye, I see him put his head in his hands.  
"And what if I am?" I whisper. I look at him. "Isn't there a saying somewhere that goes, 'No one can hurt us like we hurt ourselves?'" He shudders. And thats when I see it. The ring. Its plain, and silver. The matching promise ring. The exact one I help him pick out. On it is engraved, 'I Am Forever Your's'. It all hits me too fast. A vow of forever with the perfect girlfriend.   
I never had a chance. I knew that, of course. But the truth being thrown back in my face still hurts. For a moment I briefly wonder what Ishihara's ring says. I jump out of bed so quickly I startle Masashi and he almost falls out of his chair. I don't stop though. I run down the hall to the bathroom and proceed to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	6. Drinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment of completeness, or a moment of regret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos I made, I didn't have a lot of time to go over this before posting it.   
> I hope you enjoy!

l lean my head back against the wall, my back aching from my dash to the bathroom. I groan, closing my eyes.  
"Ritsu?" Masashi call my name, sounding slightly panicked. I don't know how long he'd been in the doorway.  
I sigh. No magically believable excuse comes to mind. That would be too easy. "Ritsu?" He says again, coming into the room. I hear him sit beside me. He touches my arm lightly. I open my eyes and look at him. Definitely worried.  
"What happened?" His brow furrows. And I don't know how to respond. I glance down at his hand, at the ring, and my stomach muscles coil again. I hit my head back against the wall a few times and the dull pain in the back of my head helps some. Although it doesn't really help in Masashi's eyes. He probably just thinks I'm insane. Hell, maybe I am.  
I almost smile at that. Then realize Masashi is still waiting for an answer and any hint of a smile wipes off my face.  
I take a deep breath. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Masashi." I whisper. And he catches on quickly, as if this is a common conversation between us. "Please don't do this, Ritsu." He searches for the right words. "I mean you said you could handle this, that you were already used to it. You said you didn't expect anything."  
"I don't expect anything. I knew what I was getting into when I confessed."  
"Then what has changed?" He sounds desperate.  
"Nothing has changed. It just hurts more and more! For crying out loud, the sight of that damn ring makes me sick!" I put my head in my hands. He stays silent for a few minutes. "Is that why you threw up?" He pauses. "Because of the ring?"  
I sigh again. I don't really want to reply, but I'm so tired of hiding. Hiding who I really am, hiding what I do, hiding my feelings. I don't really trust my voice so I nod instead. I hear him take a deep breath. "Okay. What can I do to make it easier for you? What can I do differently?" I lift my head and pivot around so I'm facing him, leaning back against the tub. I stare at him, judging how to answer. _Well you could break up with her, be gay with me and love me._ Not that I could really say that. I smile sadly at him. "I don't know. I mean, you aren't doing anything wrong. As cliche as it sounds, it really is just me." I pause when he takes the ring off, sliding it in my pocket. I close my eyes. "And I wish you wouldn't do things like that." I gesture toward his hands, meeting his gaze. "It gives me false hope." He folds his hands in his lap and stares at them. "I don't know what to say to that." He says quietly. "I know. I'm sorry." I reply, running a hand through my disheveled hair. He shakes his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He says. "But you have to know that I'm serious about wanting to make things easier for you. You've been with me for so long that I don't know what I'd do without you. I really don't want to know how it'd feel to lose you." He smiles sadly at me. "You know how much I hate change."  I chuckle at that. "That, I do know. I remember when you were mad at Saki-san for days because she pulled the carpet out of the living room and changed it to wood flooring." He frowns at the memory. "It seemed like such a big deal at the time." I laugh again. "The best part is that you never understand what the big deal was after the fact."  
He gives me a lopsided smile. "Ninety percent of the time I don't even know why I was upset." He pauses, and stops smiling. "But really, Ritsu, I'll do anything if it helps you." Hmm, anything? I debate this for several seconds.  
"Okay. Kiss me." I say before I can change my mind. He stares at me blankly, clearly not knowing how to respond.  
I lean forward. "Masashi. I was joking." He blinks a few times. "Oh."  
"Did you really consider it?" I ask, staring at him. He pauses for a few moments, then nods. "Wow. I think that actually made my day." Not that that would be hard, seeing as my day wasn't going that well yet. "Would you actually have done it?" He stares at his hands again, twirling his thumbs around each other. He stays silent and I start regretting asking.  
I slowly stand up, flinching slightly as pain shoots up my spine. "Forget it, I shouldn't have asked." I say, walking passed him. He reaches out and grabs my hand. He doesn't look at me. "I would have." He whispers. I close my eyes and slide back down the wall next to him. I curse under my breath. "This is why its so hard to be around you, because you actually consider things others would find revolting." I lean against the wall and meet his gaze, weighing this possibility. Something tells me to stop but I decide to take this chance. "Then do it. Please." I whisper and he leans forward to hear me. "Just this once." He swallows and takes a minute to think it over. After what feels like a few years he nods. "Okay."  
He lets go of my hand and puts it on the wall beside me. He leans in slowly, searching my eyes for something. Wether he found what he was looking for or not is unknown to me. I feel his breath against my face. I close my eyes and he makes contact. My heart threatens to burst. I lean into him, slipping my hands behind his head. I deepen the kiss and he indulges me. When he doesn't pull back I run my tongue over his, searching, pleading. He pulls me onto his lap and I shiver as his hands encircle me, resting on my lower back. Heat pooled in the pit of my stomach.  
In this one moment, I'd never felt so complete. I wished for nothing more than for time to stop. But all good things must end. He feels my tears before I do, and pulls away. I wipe at them, but they continue to come, so I put my face in my hands. He rubs my arms with his hands. A sob shakes me. "Why do you have to be so damn kind?" I ask, my voice cracking in odd places. He sighs. "If I were as kind as you say I am, I wouldn't be hurting you this much."  
I don't know what to say to that, so I say nothing instead. I don't want him to see me break down like this.  
"I think…" I take a shaky breath and get off his lap. "I think you should go."  
  
  
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I didn't feel like having sex. I did, however, feel like drinking. Yes. Great idea.  
I lounge around the dressing room, laying in wait for Hibiki and Zin to get off work. Any minute now.  
Drinking alone is less than okay. Its downright depressing. One must have drinking buddies. I won't mention that I've already had a few drinks before leaving home. Nope.  
I hear them bickering before I see them. "And I told them I already had plans with you for christmas but they keep nagging me." I hear Zin say. Ugh. Christmas. That thought is as depressing as drinking alone. Since I will be spending it as such; alone. They walk through the door and I throw a pillow at Zin. It hits him in the face. I laugh at the shocked expression he wears. "Thats for bringing up christmas!" I say, laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Hibiki chuckles.  
"And for thus depressing me further, I demand you go drinking with me." I get up and reach for my bag. Then realize I didn't bring it. Weird. "Throwing a pillow at my face doesn't make me want to go drinking with you."  
I laugh again. "Bringing up christmas doesn't make me want to go drinking with you, but its better than going alone, right?" Hibiki claps Zin on the shoulder. "He has a point." Zin shrugs. "Ahem, did I hear someone say _drinking_?" Ran chirps, popping his head in behind them. "Yeah, I'm dragging them along with me." I say, grinning. "Good. I'm coming too."  
  
____________________________  
  
"Okay. You two have had enough." Hibiki says, taking away my drink. I try to process why he would do that, especially since I wasn't done with it, but my brain feels foggy. Like I'm underwater. Ran, on my left, can't stop laughing. I don't know what he's laughing at though. I look back at Hibiki, who seems to be paying our tab. I don't know why though, I'm not done yet. "Um, Hibiki." I hiccup. "Can I have my drink back?" He shakes his head and grins. "Nope. Sure can't."  
Well, thats kind of rude. Hibiki drabs my arm, hauling me out of our booth. I frown at his arm. I look over at Ran, who's still laughing, and see Zin haul him out of the booth too. The cold air hits us as we step outside the bar. "You take him home, I'll take Ritsu home. I'll meet you back at home, okay?" Hibiki says over my head, at Zin. Zin nods. Ran tugs on his jacket. "Zin, carry me!" He says, before jumping on his back. Zin grunts, then starts walking in the other direction.  
"Ritsu, where do you live?" I try to remember, but everything is foggy. "Why? I don't want to go home." I frown. Or at least I _think_ I do, I don't really know. My face feels numb. From drinking or from the cold, I don't know. "Can I see your phone?" Hibiki asks. I don't know why. I shrug and hand it over. "Who should I call to get you home?" I shrug again. He starts scrolling through my contacts. "Oh! Call Sion. He knows everything." I laugh. "He's the smartest dumb guy ever!" I stop laughing suddenly and sigh. Hibiki nods and scrolls some more. He holds the phone up to his ear and waits for Sion to answer. "Um, yes, hello. This is Ritsu's friend, we went out drin-" I stop listening, uninterested. The conversation goes on for a long time. He starts walking in the opposite direction from where Zin and Ran went. We walk and walk and walk. When Hibiki finally stops we are definitely not at my place. It doesn't look even remotely like an apartment building. It looks like Masashi's house. I don't understand why that is though, because he said he was taking me home. "Why are we here? This isn't my place." I say as we walk up to the steps. "Your friend Sion didn't know where you lived. He said your friends with the guy here though." I frown as he knocks on the door. "Is anyone even awake? Its like…" I look at the sky, half expecting to be able to tell what time it is. Hibiki looks at his watch. "Its one." He lowers his hand. "And Sion said he'd call ahead to let him know." I nod. I flinch as the door opens and Masashi appears. I suddenly don't feel very well. I turn, walking back down the steps. Hibiki grabs the back of my hood, and just holds it while he explains to Masashi. "Well, he's in your care now." Hibiki laughs. "I'm going home now, Ritsu. See you later."  
I panic at the idea of being alone with Masashi after avoiding him for like four days. Or was it five? Well I wasn't technically avoiding him. I just pretended to be sick for a few more days than necessary. Thats all. "Why are you leaving?" Hibiki stops halfway down the steps. "Zin is expecting me. And because I safely delivered you." He grins. "Zin?" I frown. "Are you guys together?" His smile falters and he looks at the ground. He clears his throat. "Um, yeah. We are. But please don't tell Mama yet, we want to tell him ourselves, eventually." I nod absently. "Okay. Bye." I watch him go. _I don't want to be alone with him, I don't want to be alone with him, I don't want-_ "Are you going to come in or stay out there and freeze?" Masashi says behind me. I wish I had another drink. I turn around. I scowl as Masashi steps back to let me in. "Freeze."  That didn't come out right. I shake my head, trying to clear it.  "No. I mean, I'll come in."  
Masashi closes the door behind me. I put my hands in my pockets and glare at the wall. "Who was that?"  
I shift on my feet, way too conscious of him. It irritates me how he affects me. "His name's Hibiki." I slip out of my shoes. "He's a friend and co-worker." I bend down and pick up my shoes, putting them in alignment with the other shoes.  
Masashi scoffs. "And I suppose you've slept with him too, right?" I tense, standing back up slowly. Why would he think that? _Because you'll sleep with anyone._ "No… I have never slept with Hibiki. Or any of my other co-workers for the matter." I say slowly. "Why would you ask that?" I look at him. I try not to notice how handsome he is. But its difficult. His lips are pressed into a thin line. He's angry. I suddenly wish I wasn't so intoxicated. His hair is sticking up in random places. "Because you make out with me, don't come to school for four days, than show up alone with him, drunk out of your mind." He says through his teeth. "What am I suppose to think?"  I feel slightly more sober. I can't recall him being this angry with me before. The thought stings. "I…don't know." I mumble. "What?" "I said I don't know!" I say, slightly louder than I meant to. I hope I didn't wake his parents. "What do you mean you don't know?" He clenches his jaw. "Thats all you can think to say?" I take a breath. _Just breath, Ritsu. Just breath._ "I don't know what you want me to say. That I'm sorry I asked you to kiss me? That I'm sorry I'm not the friend you thought I was?" My voice raises a little at the end. "I don't even know why your mad at me!" I choke on my words. I cover my mouth and suppress a sob. Tears pour down my face. Masashi seems to falter for a moment. But doesn't back down. "You tell me you love me and then turn around and sleep with strangers. _Thats_ why I'm mad at you!"  
They say the truth hurts. They were right. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, but the waterworks don't stop.    
"Well forgive me for being a whore."  
A light in the kitchen flickers on. I freeze. We woke them. I look at Masashi. His face mirrors my panic. Even though I know I should move, I can't think of anything. We stay frozen there. Saki appears in the entryway. How must we look to her? One angry and tired, one crying and drunk. She looks between us, emotions playing across her face. Shock, curiosity, worry. "Whats," Hesitation edges her voice. "going on?"  
 I clear my throat and wipe my eyes again. I grab my shoes. "Nothing. I was just leaving." I pause at the door. "Sorry to have bothered you." I close the door behind me. I walk to the sidewalk before slipping my shoes back on.  
I don't want to go home. But I do.  
  
____________________________  
  
I wake to a throbbing hangover. I roll over and looking at my clock. It reads _11:18_. I get up with a grunt. I walk to the bathroom to shower. I catch myself in the mirror. I look like I walked through hell. Thats kind of what I feel like too.  
Hair sticking up to no end, bags under my eyes. I take my time to shower, letting the water just run over me. I silently note that I need to buy more shampoo. When I'm done I wrap a towel around my waist and throw a load of laundry in the wash on my way back to the bedroom. I enter the room right as my cellphone goes off. I frown, trying to locate the device. I find it in a pair of jeans I must have thrown off last night. I look at the caller I.D. Saki. Shit. I stare at it for a while before finally hitting send. "Hello?"  
 _"Ritsu?"_  
 _I don't really want to talk to you, I don't know what I should say, I don't-_ "Yeah?"  
 _"How are you feeling?"_  
I think on that for a moment. "I've felt better."  
She laughs. _"Yeah, I'm sure you have."_ She clears her throat. _"WIll you come over?"_  
I don't say anything for a while. How should I turn her down? The first thing that pops into my head is; _Um, hell no._  
 _"Masashi isn't here. He's out with his father today."_ She says before I get the chance to respond.  
I sigh. "Okay. I'll be over in a bit." We say goodbye and I hang up. I get dressed, and leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. ^^


	7. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what happened with this chapter, like really. I planned one thing and something entirely different happened. But, anyhow, I hope you enjoy.

I arrive shortly after noon. I look up at the large house, trying to suppress the urge to run away. I take a deep breath, then knock. She opens the door with a warm smile. "Come on in."  I walk in, mumbling thanks.  
I follow her into the kitchen, willing away my throbbing headache. She gestures for me to take a seat at the island counter. When I'm seated she slides a cup of hot liquid across the counter to me. Coffee. _Why didn't I think of that?_  
I smile gratefully at her, then take a big gulp of  it.  "Hungover?" she asks, sipping her own coffee. I nod, looking down into my coffee. "Sorry we woke you up last night." I glance at her. "Don't worry about it."  She grabs some tomatoes, onions, and various other veggies out of the fridges. "Want to help me out? I'm making a pot roast for dinner."  
I nod. "Sure." She slides a cutting board, veggies and a knife across the counter. I get to work.  
We're silent for several minutes. with only the sound of the knives hitting the cutting boards.  
"Can I ask you something personal?" She says, breaking the silence. "Yeah, shoot."  
"Your in love with Masashi," she glances up at me. "aren't you?"  I freeze halfway through a tomato. She says it more like a statement than a question. _Was I so obvious?_ I'm naive if I thought I could hide it forever.  
"I'm sorry." I don't try to deny it. There would be no point. I don't want to lie to her either, anyway.  
She shakes her head, smiling sadly at me. "You have nothing to be sorry for."  
For a moment I'm a little shocked she isn't apposed to it, but its not in her nature to judge someone for a reason such as this. But still, for someone to accept it without a second thought, especially when its her _son_ I'm in love with, is something. It feels kind of nice. I smile.  
"Does Masashi know?" My smile fades. I swallow. "Yes. He does," I wrap my hands around my mug. "I told him not long ago."  
She nods. "I thought so. He recently has changed around you, more reserved," She frowns. "Or more aware?"  
I wince. "Probably both." She shrugs, a thoughtful look on her face. "Well, either way, I feel like I should apologize to you, on Masashi's behalf." I stare at her with a rather blank expression. "What?"  
"Masashi knows, but continues to string you along with him, knowing that he's only going to hurt you," She grimaces. "And I feel like _someone_ should apologize to you." She swirls her mug around on the counter. "Masashi is far more selfish than anyone  thinks he is. He _is_ kind. But he is selfish. He's stringing you along because he's afraid of change. He's afraid to see you as anyone but his best friend." Her words make sense. I'd always known he was selfish. I just didn't know to what extent. But knowing doesn't change anything, I love him. That wont change. "You mean a lot to him, you know." She says softly. I nod. I _do_ know. He loves me, just not the way I want him to. "So, you don't mind that I'm gay?" I say quietly. I finish off my coffee. She shakes her head. "Not at all. Kyo doesn't either. We love you like a son, and nothing will change that." I exhale on a shaky breath. I put my head in my hands, closing my eyes. How long? How long have I waited for someone to say that to me? I lift my head to look at her, willing myself not to cry. "You don't know how much it means to hear you say that," I swallow. "I wish my family had seen it that way."  
"Thats why you got your own place? Because you came out to them and.." She sucks in a breath. "They kicked you out. Didn't they?" Her wide eyes search mine. I nod. She closes her eyes for a brief moment. When she opens them she says, "I had always wondered. You showed up in the middle of the night, soaking wet. Now it makes sense." I hear a tint of anger under her words. It isn't pointed at me, but at my family. "Does Masashi know?"  
I shake my head. "No. I told him we had a misunderstanding and I didn't care to go back, which was partly true. After everything that was said, I didn't want to see them again. I haven't seen them since." She nods. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. Sure, I miss them. But if they cant accept me for who I really am then I don't want to be around them."  
She nods again, a sad expression on her face.  
We get back to work on the pot roast. Talking about trivial things, the weather, the news, what she wants to get Kyouya for christmas and my thoughts on it. "What are you doing for christmas?" She asks, pouring the vegetables into the crock pot. I sip my second cup of coffee. "Nothing, probably. I don't plan on going back home, obviously." I shrug.  
"You could always come here, you know." I shake my head. "I don't want to intrude. Besides," I smile sadly. "Masashi isn't exactly happy with me right now." _Plus, Ishihara will probably be here._ "If he gets over himself this week, and apologizes, will you come?" She winks at me. I wrap both my hands around my mug. "Will Ishihara be here?"  
 "She's invited but I don't know if she's coming for sure or not." She frowns. "Sorry, I didn't think about that. If she does come, I wont blame you for not coming." I smile. Why isn't everyone as accepting as her? "Thanks."  
The sound of the door opening cuts off Saki's reply. "I'm home." Kyouya's voice rings in from the entryway. She draws in a sharp breath, shooting a worried look my way. "They weren't suppose to be home this early." She makes her way toward the entryway. "We finished up early, so we got to come home a lot sooner than we anticipated." Kyouya explained, hugging his wife. "Where's Masashi?" Saki questioned. "Outside, bringing in the rest of the bags." He planted a quick kiss on her mouth. "We picked Ishihara up for dinner on our way back, hope thats okay?"  
My heart sinks.  
She smiles, though it looks strained as she throws an apologetic glance my way. "Of course."  
I get up, walking over to the sink and rinsing out the coffee mug. I set it in the dishwasher. I hear Masashi and Ishihara come in, greeting Saki. I rinse a couple of knives and utensils she used, placing them in the dishwasher as well. I hear Kyouya ask Masashi to help him with something in the garage.  I sigh a breath of relief. Maybe I can sneak out of here without having to converse with Masashi. "Hey, Ritsu." Ishihara's voice says behind me, having just entered the kitchen. "I didn't know you were here." I glance over my shoulder. "Yeah, I was helping Saki-san out." She nods, smiling. "I see."  
I put the last dish in the dishwasher. "I'm actually on my way out," I say, giving her a brief smile that doesn't feel quite real. "It was nice seeing you." She smiles, pushing her hair behind her ear. "You too."  
"Your leaving?" Saki says, entering the kitchen. She gives me a knowing look. I plant a kiss on her cheek. "Yep, I've got things I have to do. Thanks for inviting me over." I walk to the entryway, sliding my shoes on. "Okay, thanks for coming. See you later."  
"Later." I grab my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. I turn to open the door, but it opens before I even reach the knob, hitting my face. I jump out of the way, rubbing my nose. "Ah, sorry. Didn't know you were there." Masashi appears in the door. When he sees its me, his smile fades. "Ritsu," He clears his throat. "I didn't know you were here."  
I nod. "Saki wanted to talk to me and I ended up helping her cook." I say, quickly adding, "But I was just on my way out."  
I grab the door handle, opening the door far enough for me to step around him. "Wait, Ritsu, I need to talk to you."  
I stop, glancing over my shoulder. "If you plan on pointing out my flaws again, I'd rather not hear it, because I'm fully aware of them." I see him flinch, his mouth tugging down into a frown. It was a low blow, and I mentally add it to the list of things I'm angry with myself for. I shrug, throw a 'later' over my shoulder and continue down the walkway. I turn left once I hit the sidewalk, the brick wall obscuring my view of the house.  
I cross the next intersection, before I hear running behind me. I turn and cross the road, hopping up onto the opposite sidewalk. The running person is closer now. I hear a muffled version of my name being called out. Its Masashi's voice.  
I walk into the first store I come to, not bothering to see what it is. To my amusement its an adult toy store. I almost bust picturing Masashi following me into one of these stores. The clerk is not much younger than me. He looks like Ran though, so before I even think about it, I wink at him. He blushes. I turn down one of the isles, into a porno magazine isle apparently. I bend down, picking up a random one, flipping through a few pages. I land on a page that has a headline reading, "Ten Surprisingly Easy Techniques for a Blow Job that will Blow His Mind" I skim over a few on the list, mentally noting to try one out. A pair of sneakers appear at my side. I don't look up. "Ritsu." I flip the page again. This one is just a picture of a girl with big boobs. Masashi bends down next to me. "Can we talk outside?" I shrug. "Whats wrong with in here? Its warmer." He shifts. "Because this is embarrassing. What if someone we know sees us?" He looks around. I try to suppress a smile. I hold the page up to him. "Is she hot to you?" I ask, catching his eye. He looks down at the page than back at me. "She's average looking, and her boobs are way too big." I nod, looking back at the page. "Too big, huh." I frown. "I have yet to meet a guy I would describe as 'too big'." For some odd reason, he laughs at this. I smile. "How bout too small?" He asks, relaxing a little. I nod, replacing my smile with a serious look. "Now that, is a problem." He cracks up. I don't maintain my serious expression long before I crack up too. The clerk walks down the isle, asking us if we need help finding anything. He shifts on his feet awkwardly. He's embarrassed. Masashi glances at me, and I wink at him before standing up, holding up the page with the too-big boobed girl on it for the clerk to see.  
"Do you think her boobs are fake?" His reaction doesn't disappoint, he immediately turns bright red. Masashi cracks up behind me. The clerk clears his throat before taking a closer look at the page. "P-probably." He manages. I smile. "Thanks." I close the magazine and set it back on the shelf. "Now, what flavor of lube do you recommend?" I ask seriously. Masashi doubles over laughing and my mouth twitches, threatening to break into a smile. The clerk clears his throat again before leading us into the next isle over, where the lube is. "The most popular seems to be the cherry flavored one." He explains, pointing it out. I wrinkle my nose. "Cherry is a no, on my part." I gesture back to the shelf. "Whats your personal favorite?" I glance at Masashi and see him try to suppress a smile. Its not working for him very well. The clerk picks up a bottles, handing it to me. "Strawberry is my favorite." I nod. "Why not? I'll take it." The clerk nods, leading us back to the counter. "Will that be all?" When I nod he tells me my total. I hand him a bill, tell him to keep the change, then lead Masashi out of the store. He laughs once were outside. When he regains his composure he says, "The poor guy didn't know what to do when you asked if her boobs were fake." He chuckles again. "Poor guy."  
I smile. "I couldn't help myself." Then I hand him the little bag with the lube in it. "Here. For you." I wink at him. "Consider it a christmas gift." I try not to let it get to me that I know who he'll use it with eventually. He shoves the bag in his pocket, blushing. After a few minutes of walking in silence I finally say, "Sorry about last night." He grabs my shoulder and spins me to face him. "No, I should be the one to apologize." His mouth tugs down at the end. "I said things I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry." I shake my head, pulling away from him, even though all I want to do is lean into him. His arm falls back to his side. "No, you don't have to apologize. Everything you said," I look away. " is true."  
He runs a hand through his hair. I push away the desire to run my fingers through it again. To feel his lips on mine…  
"That doesn't make what I said okay." I shrug, pushing my hands into my pockets. "Apology accepted."  
He nods, breathing something that sounds like 'thanks'. I force a smile. "You should probably get back. Dinner wasn't far from done and you shouldn't keep Ishihara waiting." He nods. He turns away, then turns back, pulling me into a quick hug. He whispers 'I'm sorry.' in my ear, before letting go and making his way back down the sidewalk.  
I don't know what he was apologizing for, but somehow it feels like its for not being able to see me that way.  
  
____________________________  
  
 _A week later_  
  
The day before christmas, I got a call from Saki, telling me that Ishihara wont be there all day, just for dinner.  So, after talking me into it, here I am, christmas day, sitting in their house, playing a card game with Masashi. After losing multiple times, I decide I'm done with it. Taking his cards out of his hand, I throw them with the rest of the cards in the box. He laughs. "You've always been a sour loser." I lay down on his bedroom floor, huffing. "I seem to be losing at life, too." I say, pressing my face into the crook of my elbow. He stays silent for a while. I said it casually, but we both know it has a deeper meaning.    
A few minutes later, Saki knocks on the door, bearing a plate of cookies. Masashi takes them from her, thanks her, than sets them on his small coffee table. I sit up, grabbing one. I take a bite, leaning back on my free arm. "How does she always make them so perfectly?" I say with a mouthful. "Doughy in the middle, crispy on the outside." Masashi nods, knowing all too well the perfection of his mothers cooking. I envied him for a long time. My mom had never made sweets, and my family had never been as close as his is. Not that it matters now. I stare at the cookie in my hand, thinking about them.  I had enjoyed having a family, even if we weren't as close as Masashi's.  
"That cookie isn't going to bite you, Ritsu." I break out of my past, glancing at Masashi. I return his smile. "I forgot I was even holding it," I pause, taking a bite out of it. "I was actually thinking about my family."  
"I wasn't going to ask, but since you brought it up, why don't you ever see them anymore?" Masashi frowns. "Your not even going to spend christmas with them. Was it that bad of a misunderstanding?" I shake my head. "It wasn't a misunderstanding. I came out to them, and they couldn't except it. So they kicked me out. I haven't heard from them since."  
Masashi gasps softly. "I-I…" He clears his throat, looking away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."  
I shrug. "Its alright. I've accepted that they aren't going to accept who I am." I sigh, looking up at the ceiling. "I had always known my father was homophobic, I was just hoping he would be able to see past it, I mean I'm his son after all. I was wrong." Masashi clenches his jaw. " _He_ was wrong, Ritsu. There is nothing wrong with being gay." I blink, looking him in the eye. "No," I say slowly. "but being a whore _is_ wrong. If they did come to accept my being gay, they would still never accept that I'm a whore, which would end with the same result as where we are now."  
"If you know its wrong, why do you do it?" He asks, returning my gaze. I don't see contempt in his gaze, only curiosity. I wonder if my being an escort makes him think less of me. Probably. I look away. "Because I can lose myself in it, if only for a moment." He nods, clasping his hands together on the coffee table. I stare at his hands. "Do you hate me for it?" I ask softly. "No!" He lurches forward, reaching his arm across the table to grab my wrist. "No. I don't want you to ever think I hate you." I nod, trying to swallow around the lump forming in my throat. "Thank you," I say, "for everything. For accepting everything I've thrown your way these past few month." I take a deep breath. "I don't know what I would've done if you had pushed me aside, like my family has." He releases my arm, shaking his head. "Thats what friends are for, right?" I flinch. I feel like I just got friend-zoned all over again. "Damn it." I hear him say under his breath. I look up, meeting his gaze. "I feel like half of everything I say hurts you, and I do it so sub-consciously, I never even think that what I say will hurt you until I actually _say_ it and then I make a mess of it all over again." He rubs a hand down his face.  
I sigh, waving my hand in the air dramatically. "Aren't we a pair?" He chuckles. "No doubt there."  
  
  
____________________________  
  
  
  
I leave before Ishihara is suppose to arrive, not wanting to see them together. Knowing that Masashi's whole family knows I'm gay feels weird, but somehow warm, knowing that they accept me completely. I walk the streets for a while, going nowhere in particular, just walking. I pause in front of a fountain, turned off for the winter, but still a rather beautiful sight. I sit down on its ledge, watching kids play  in a park across the street from me. They play a game of tag, running and laughing. I hop up, crossing the street and passing the park. A little girl runs ahead of her parents, who walk slowly behind her, holding hands and laughing. The little girls father tell her not to run to far ahead. Just as I pass her, she falls, scraping her knee. I turn, setting my bag on the ground, and help her up. I smile, tell her to be careful and go on my way. Her parents thank me as I pass them. I miss being a kid, without a care in the world. Especially around the holidays. I sigh, watching my breath cloud in front of me. I pause outside a coffee shop, looking in on a man proposing to his girlfriend. This season is the time for couples and families, only reminding me of how alone I've become. Yes, I have Masashi and his family, and they really are like family to me, but I'm still an outsider. I can only look on as a friend. Whenever Masashi gets married, I wonder if he'll ask my to be his best man. I wonder how he'll feel if he does ask me, cruel, knowing I'm in love with him, yet obligated to ask? or would he be too blinded by his own happiness that he wouldn't think about what it would be like for me? I hope I never have to see the day.  I look up at the gray sky. "Looks like its going to snow, huh?" A deep, husky voice says from behind me. I spin around, shocked into silence. I immediately feel sick. Zelch.  
"Long time no see, yeah?" Memories float up, reminding me of what he did to me. I push down the revulsion.  
I turn, and walk away. I don't get very far before his hand wraps around my arm, fingers digging into my skin. "Now, now. Why don't we have a little fun, for old times sake?" I look over my shoulder at him. "Why don't you let go of me, before I make a scene?" He smirks. "Make a scene all you want, I'll just explain to them that you happen to be a slut."  
I pale. I yank away from him, and when that doesn't work, I hit his nose with my palm. Hard. He stumbles away from me, holding his hands to his nose. Blood runs between his fingers. "You little shit!" He practically growls. I hightail it, hoping to God I can outrun him. I round the next corner when I hear him behind me. I look behind me, sure enough, he's fast. Tch. Damn my luck.  
I cross the road, only focusing on getting away, away from him, away from the hellish memory. I don't see the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually kind of proud of the adult store scene. Heh.  
> So, I was also thinking of maybe writing Ritsu's family kicking him out. I don't know if I will or not yet. I probably will, now that the idea is in my head...   
> Anywho, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


	8. A Reunion, of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu is surprised by someone who visits him in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm soooooo sorry this chapter is out so late. Since the last chapter was posted I have moved twice, and have had zero time on my hands.  
> Second, I had no idea what I wanted to do with this particular chapter. Hospital scenes are weird for me to write. I dunno.  
> Third, thank anyone and everyone who has stuck around to read this, I hope you all enjoy it.  
> Fourth, chapters should be more regular now, especially because I have a better idea of where I'm going with it.  
> Also, today is my birthday so yay me!

I open my eyes to an unfamiliar white room, where I lay under unfamiliar white sheets in a bed that is not mine. My head hurts profoundly. I groan, raising my left hand to squeeze my temples. "Ritsu?" I jump at the voice, sending pain down my spine. I lay my left hand across my ribs. I look to the voice. "Masashi." Relief floods his face and he squeezes my right hand, which I hadn't realized he was holding until now. "Hospital?" I ask, my voice hoarse from my dry throat.  
He nods. His face is white and drawn. I smile. "I have to say you've looked better, Masashi." He chuckles. "You should look in a mirror." He cocks his head to the side. "How do you feel?" I smirk. "I've felt better. And apparently looked better." He nods again. "Why am I here?" He plays with a piece of my sheets. "You were hit by a car. You don't remember?" I frown. "Oh. Yeah. I remember that. Hurt a lot, I don't recommend trying it." I pause to swallow. "So, how bad?"  
"A cracked rib, bruised ribs, bruised everything else. You fell and hit your head on the curb. You have a rather major concussion." He squeezes my hand again. I notice he isn't wearing the ring."They said you were incredibly lucky."  
I nod, somehow relieved. "Lucky indeed."  
He lets go of my hand and rises, leaving me feel oddly cold. "I'm going to go tell the doctor you're awake."  
  


____________________________

  
  
My doctor tells me the same thing Masashi had, concussion, bruising. She's kind and beautiful.  
She looks at me seriously. "One more thing. The women who called the ambulance said she thought someone was chasing you." Masashi's head snaps up from his chair next to me.  "Is that true?"  
I sigh inwardly. Shaking my head, "Nope, not true. Just wasn't watching where I was going." She nods, says goodbye and takes her leave.  
Masashi leans forward, resting his elbows on the bed. "You lied to her."  
I glance at him. "What makes you say that?"  
He shrugs. "A pretty good guess. You never cross the street without making sure its safe."  
"Everybody makes mistakes."  
"Don't lie to me, Ritsu." He slides his hand forward and wraps it around my wrist. I sigh, running my free hand through my hair. "I don't want to talk about it."  
"Ritsu, what good would it do t-"  
I cut him off. "I won't talk about it."  
He gives an exasperated sigh. "Fine, fine. I'm going to get something from a vending machine." He stands. "Want anything?"  
"Water, please."  
I feel a pang of guilt for not telling him, but I don't want to talk about it. Not yet.  
  
Only a few minutes after Masashi leaves, I hear a knock at the door. "Come in."  
A girl with long brown hair and matching brown eyes walks in, shutting the door quietly behind her. I gasp softly.  
I take a moment to process that she's here. _Really_ here.  
"Long time no see, little sister." Just one thing after another. "Whats it been? A year? Longer?"  
She shifts awkwardly on her feet. "Something like that."  
"Why are you here? Why now?"  
She plays with the handle of her purple purse. "I… I just…" She takes a deep breath. "I heard you were in the hospital and I wanted to make sure you were fine."  
"Very well, I'm fine. I'm good. Nothing serious."  
She nods.  
"Is that all you came for, Sasha?"  
"N-no. No, its not."  
I sigh, rubbing my temples as a headache begins to form.  
She takes a few steps forward. "I know your probably still mad abou-"  
" _Mad?_ What makes you think I'd be mad?" I say, cutting her off mid-sentence.  
"Because you sure don't sound happy, Ritsu-nii."  
"It'd be hard to be happy after not only being hit by a car but also confronted by a dear sister who threw me aside, dropping all contact with me," I curl my hands into fists on my lap, clutching the sheet like a life line. "All because I'm gay!"  
She clutches her purse handle, her knuckles going white. "Thats why I'm here! To apologize!"    
I groan, my headache growing from an ache to full on throbbing. I rub my temples.  
Sasha moves forward. "Are you alright?" She reaches out to touch me before thinking better of it and retracting it.  
I ignore her question. "It's too late, Sasha, it's too late." I lean my head back against the headboard, dropping my hands. "I'm already too fucked up. Just go."  
"Okay, sorry, I didn't mean to yell." Her voice shakes. Great, I've fucked everything up all over again, "I'm really, really, sorry Ritsu-nii. I'm so sorry." and before I know it she's gone. Probably for good this time.  
Maybe one day I'll learn not to fuck up all my relationships. 

  
____________________________

  
  
"Are you alright?"  
I open my eyes to see Masashi standing next to the bed. "My head hurts a little." Understatement.  
He frowns in concern. "You want me to call a nurse?"  
I shake my head, which makes the room spin a little. "No, I'm fine."  
He nods, handing me my water. I thank him, accepting it gratefully. I take a long drink.  
"Are your parents at work?"  
"Yeah, mom didn't want to leave but I told her I'd call her when you woke up."  
"Did you?"  
He sits back in his chair. "Yep, she said she'd be over soon."  
"Okay. Did they say when I can go home?"    
"No, they didn't. I'm sure they'll want to keep you over night though."  
I wrinkle my nose. "I don't wanna."  
He laughs, shaking his head. _Good god, he's gorgeous._ I want to run my hands through his black hair, down his neck, over his shoulders, down his chest and-  
Stopping that thought in its tracks, I lean my head back with a sigh.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
"Nothing."  
"Liar. Your face is red."  
"Is not."  
"Is too."  
I chuckle. "You really wanna know?"  
"Yes, I do." _No, you don't._  
"I was thinking about you." _About how you're the only thing I ever wanted this badly._  
He smiles. "What abo-"  
He's interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in." I say, silently thanking whoever it was for the interruption.  
…or not.  
"I told you, you didn't have to come." Masashi sounds exasperated.  
Seriously. I've had better days. But I smile anyway. "Ishihara, good to see you."  
Ishihara walks over and plants a quick kiss on Masashi's lips. _Ignore it, ignore it._ "You too, Ritsu. How are you feeling?"  
"Well, I have to say I've felt better." _My head is splitting in two and you're not helping_ , I add silently.  
"Looked better, too." Masashi chimes in. I roll my eyes at him. "So you keep telling me."  
Ishihara giggles, sitting down on the arm of Masashi's chair and leaning against his shoulder. "You guys have always gotten along so well." She takes Masashi's hand and twines their fingers together. I stare at their joined hands from a moment before looking up to meet Masashi's gaze. He wears an expression I'm seeing on him more and more often. Guilt. Concern. I look away. I clear my throat. "Yeah, Masashi's stuck with me."  
The room spins a little. Then a lot.  
"So, do you want to g-"  
I put my head in my hands, with a groan, barely registering the pain the action causes my ribs and back. It also effectively cut Ishihara off. Masashi is on his feet at once, leaning over me. "Whats wrong?"  
"My head…spinning…" I manage, willing my vision to stop blurring. Ishihara rushes from the room saying something about nurses. Masashi sits on the bed next to me, rubbing my shoulder, murmuring something about deep breaths. A few moments later the nurse rushes in and administers something into the IV in my left arm. "What is that?" Masashi asks as she does it. "A sedative. He needs to rest, which means no visitors until tomorrow." Masashi helps lay me down gently, where I would probably have just flopped down, effectively hurting my ribs and back. "I'll be back tomorrow." Is the last thing I hear Masashi say before I'm out.

 

____________________________

 

  
"Come ooonnn, Saki-san, please, make them let me go home!" I whine, so ready to get out of this damn hospital and never come back. "Its already been a week. I want to go home."  
Saki chuckles, shaking her head. "They won't let you go home because you live alone. You could come stay with us, if you wanted."  
"If I did, would they let me out sooner?" Saki shrugs. "I don't know, but I can ask."  
I shoo her. "Go, go, go. Ask away, ask away. I don't want to be here for another moment longer."  
Masashi laughs when Saki walks out the door with an exasperated sigh. "You hate it that much?"  
"More. Much more. Have you tried the food here?" I shudder. He shakes his head. "Don't plan to either."  
I grumble for a few more minutes before sighing. "Hey, Masashi?"  
"Hey, Ritsu?"  
"Am I a terrible person?"  
He looks up from the sports magazine he's been looking through for the past half hour. "No. What makes you ask that?"  
"Sasha was here yesterday."  
His eyes widen a fraction. "Why?"  
I shrug. "See if I was okay…and to apologize." I sigh again. "But I didn't listen to her. I was shocked to see her and then I was so _angry_ at her, hell it might have even been more directed toward our parents, but still. I sent her away, when she wanted to apologize, make amends. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't simply listen."  
"I think you're perfectly entitled to be angry." I ponder that for a moment. Its true, I _am_ entitled to it. She abandoned me, even after all the times I tried to reach out to her, make things right, but under the guilt I am still angry.  
I smile sadly. "I still feel kind of like a jackass though." Masashi wraps his hand around my right wrist, leaning forward. He waits until I meet his eyes. "You are not a jackass, and you have done absolutely nothing wrong."  
I nod, swallowing the lump building in my throat. I avert my gaze to his hand. Still not wearing the ring.  
"Why aren't you wearing the ring?"  
He withdraws his hand before clasping them together on his lap. He doesn't answer. "Is it because of me?" He won't look at me, either.  
After several minutes, when I finally decide he isn't going to answer me, he gives a curt nod. I blow out a sigh, leaning my head against the headboard again. "I'm sorry for burdening you." I pause a second before adding, "And I'm sorry for kissing you. That was wrong, and unfair, of me. I'm sorry."  
Masashi throws his hands up in the air. "Would you stop apologizing for every damn thing?" I sit there, gaping at him, completely taken aback by the anger I hear in his voice. "If I thought you had something to be sorry for I would say so."  
I look away. I try not to let how hurt his anger makes me feel show. But I don't think I succeed. Neither of us say anything for a long time.  
"Oh, jesus, Ritsu. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He puts his head in his hands.  
I swallow. "Are you angry with me?" He shakes his head. "No, not at all. I'm angry at myself, not you." He lifts his head and meets my gaze, giving me a small, sad smile. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."  
Before I can respond, Saki-san comes back. "You will be coming home with us tomorrow! As long as you stay in bed for a few more days, of course." She announces.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for any spelling mistakes and such.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I'm not going to have much time to write the next couple of days so I just figured I'd post what I have now.  
> I didn't have time to edit this before hand, my time on the Internet is rather limited, but I will go back and fix mistakes later.  
> Also, I realize there are some plot holes, but that's because I only planned to make it two or three chapters, I planned it out so it was short. But yeah, that didn't end up happening and I don't think this story is even halfway done yet.

"I can't believe you were stupid enough to get hit by a car." Sion says, sitting across from me on Masashi's bed, playing cards on a piece of cardboard.

I roll my eyes.

"I definitely think you've had better ideas" He adds.

"Oh, cut him some slack, Sion. We can't all be you." Masashi says from across the room, trying to find a movie for us to watch. He winks at me and I smile.

When he finally decides on one he inserts it into his laptop. Sion and I put our cards onto the large piece of cardboard, before dropping it onto the floor.

Masashi sits in the center of the bed, back against the wall. Sion and I position our selves on either side of him.  
  
The movie is rather slow, and at one point Sion doses off.

"That cannot be comfortable." Masashi remarks on the awkward way he has curled himself into a ball.

I climb off the bed, mindful of my ribs, crossing the room to Masashi's desk. I rummage around in the center drawer until I find what I want. A sharpie.

I hold it up with a smirk, winning myself a chuckle from Masashi.

He sets his laptop aside, the movie forgotten. I toss a sharpie to him before rummaging for another.

When I find it I cross the room again, sitting myself down next to Sion. Masashi starts, drawing in his eyebrows, curling them at the ends.

I decide to move forward with that, draw him a mustache that also curls at the ends. His lips twitch, messing up the right side of his mustache.

"Tch. That was going to be really beautiful before you fudged it up, Sion."

Masashi gives him thick eyeliner, and I give him a set of large round glasses.

As I finish up the glasses, Masashi hops off the bed and darts out of the room.

When he comes back he produces two little bottles. Nail polish. Hot pink and baby pink.

"He will never forgive you."

Masashi gives me a toothy grin, handing me the hot pink bottle. "You started it."

  
I laugh, although it comes out more like a giggle, a very girly sound.

"Whoa. Feminine much?" Masashi remarks, shaking his bottle of polish.

I punch his arm. "Only a little." I say, since yeah, I am technically more feminine than him.

I open my nail polish bottle before grabbing Sion's left hand. I pull out the little brush and start with his index finger.

Apparently I had too much on the brush, because the polish pooled and ran down the side of his finger.

"Whoa. This is harder than it looks." I look over to see Masashi having a similar problem.

"Maybe try putting less on the brush?" We try that next, and it works out better, although we aren't very good at it. It ends up all over the three of our hands.

** - **   


"What the hell."  Sion says, examining his hands.

He looks up at us with a look of disbelief, like we violated his soul.

I look back with an innocent expression. "What's wrong, Sion? We thought the color suited you."

Masashi doubles over next to me, no doubt done in by Sion's twitching, curly eyebrows and slightly lopsided mustache. \

"I'm going to kill you two." Sion jumps up and heads to the bathroom.

Masashi and I stare at each other, waiting.

"Seriously, guys? You're unbelievable!"

We can't help ourselves, and soon find ourselves sitting on the floor from laughing too hard. Masashi's face is red from laughing.

"Agh, dammit! It wont come off!"

Masashi hops up from the floor and heads to join Sion in the bathroom. "Which one wont come off?" I hear him ask.

"Both, you asshole."

I hop up and join them. I enter to see Sion trying to scrub the nail polish off.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure thats the kind of nail polish you have to buy special stuff to get it off." I say, although I haven't a clue as to wether or not that's true.

He looks up and glares at me. Then he looks to Masashi and asks; "Does your mom have any?"

Putting on a completely serious look, Masashi answers him. "No, there wasn't any when I got the polish out."

Sion groans in frustration, shutting the water off and drying his hands. He manages to smear the black on his face, and chip the polish a bit.

"I have somewhere to be soon. And now I have to go to the store looking like this." He points at Masashi. "I will get you back. Both of you."

Masashi grins at the challenge.  "Bring it on."

After that, Sion left in haste, leaving us very amused.

"Do you want to finish the movie?" Masashi asked once we'd waved Sion off.

"Nah, its not really my slice of pie."

"Yeah, I agree. I remember liking it when I was little."

We trudge back up the stairs to his room. "Isn't that always the case?" I flop onto his bed.

"Yeah, pretty much." He picks the laptop up, ejecting the disk. He bends down on the other side of the room, flipping through his movie case to find the correct slot for it. He organizes his DVDs by genre. I watch his shoulder muscles move under his shirt.

"That one should go in the boring section." My phone beeps. I shift onto my side, facing the wall and digging the device  out of my red hoodie pocket.

"Good idea."

I flip my phone open.

"Wait, you actually have one?" A message from Sion that reads; "I no longer have any love for the two of you. I'll never forget this. The store clerk barely concealed his laughs." I smile, flipping my phone closed again. I roll back onto my stomach to look at Masashi, realizing he hasn't answered me. He stares at me with a mixture of emotions flickering across his face.

"What?" I ask, shifting again so that I'm facing him. He opens his mouth but doesn't say anything. He looks down at his hands.

"Nothing." But its not nothing.

"Masashi. Look at me." When he does, I say it again. "What?"

His lips press into a thin line. "I was just wondering why you won't tell me who was chasing you."

After I didn't say anything for awhile he sighed. "Would it be better if I tried to guess?"

I shrugged. "You could try."

"Someone from school?" He said, but we both new that wasn't it. I didn't have any enemies at school.

I shook my head anyway. "Then someone from your…job?" He knows the answer when I look away.

"Why won't you quit?" He asks softly, looking down at the case of DVDs still in his hands.

I shrug again, hoping to avoid this conversation.

"How do you think it makes me feel to know that I'm the reason you started?"

I don't say anything. I won't cry, I won't cry. Geez, really, I've become such a girl.

"Ritsu, I'm trying to have a conversation with you."

I blow out a sigh. "And I'm trying not to." I sit up, putting my face in my hands.

"We really do need to talk about this." He stands up, dropping the DVD case and sits on the edge of the bed by my feet.

"Why?"

"I think we should tell the police, Ritsu. Is he stalking you?"

I let out a bitter laugh. "Why? So he can tell everyone I'm a fucking prostitute? I'm sure your parents would love to find that out."

He sighs.

"And no, we ran into each other by accident."

He nods. "Why was he chasing you?"

"Gee, I dunno, maybe he wanted me to give him head or something? I didn't exactly stop and ask."

Damn it. I should just keep my damn mouth shut. He doesn't say anything. We sit in silence for a long time.

After awhile I get off the bed. I go down the stairs and right out the front door. I walk four blocks and head into a small cafe. I sit down and order a coffee from my waiter, a super cute guy.

I flip open my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find the one I want. I press send.

After three rings he answers. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mama, how ar-"

" _Oh my gosh, Ritsu, is that you?_ "

"Yeah, it is."

" _Where've you been? We've all been worried sick about you!_ "

I thank my waiter when he brings my coffee. "I know, I'm really sorry I didn't call sooner. I've been in the hospital."

I hear him gasp softly on the other end. " _Goodness, what for? Are you sick?_ "

"No, I'm not sick. I kind of got hit by a car."

" _Oh, Ritsu, are you OK?_ "

"Yeah, I'm more or less fine now. I got released earlier this week. I'm really sorry I haven't been able to work recently."

" _Don't worry about it hun, I'm just glad to hear you're OK. Take all the time you need to recover._ "

I look up when I see someone slide into the booth across from me. Masashi. Should have known he would follow me.

"Thanks, I should be back soon enough."

" _You're welcome, Rit-chan. I hope you get better soon._ "

"Okay, thanks again, Mama. I'll talk to you later."

" _Bye bye._ "

I hang up and slide my phone back into my pocket.

"Who's 'Mama'?" Masashi asks, sipping from my coffee.

"My boss."

He raises an eyebrow. "Her name is 'Mama'?"

I shake my head, taking my coffee from him. "It's a guy, actually. And no, his name is Renji. But everyone calls him Mama."

"Why?"

I shrug. "Don't know. He always asked us to call him that. He's great."

"I see."

I nod, sipping from my coffee.  

"I'm sorry I pried. It's not really any of my business."

I didn't feel any of my earlier anger.

"I should be the one to apologize. You were just worried about me and I was rude. I'm sorry."

His lips pull up in a small smile. "We even?"

I nod, smiling back. "We're even."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. He orders his own coffee and a blue berry muffin. I get the urge to tell him about Zelch, although I don't know why.

"The man that was chasing me, the name he gave me was Zelch, although I have no idea if that's his real name." I take a deep breath and blow it out. "And he's the same guy that left the rope marks on me that you found."

His eyes are quick to find mine, and he lets out a long sigh. "Ritsu, I really think you should quit."

I knew he was right. I should. But I didn't want to. It was an escape from reality, and I wasn't ready to let go of it. I didn't want to let go of the people I work with either. But maybe I was just afraid of changing. Changing me. My life.

He must of seen my answer on my face because he sighed again. "What happens when something worse than this happens?"

"Well if it's worse than being hit by a car, I'll uh, probably be dead."

"I'm being serious here."

I smile. "Yeah, me too."

He rolls his eyes and leans back. "You're impossible."

"I try."

**-**

After a week at Masashi's I was allowed to go home again. At the moment I was lazying about my living room. I was glad not to be around Masashi all day, it was tiring suppressing the urge to touch him all the time.

No matter how many times I tell myself I have to move on, I find myself falling more in love with him everyday. Sometimes I think it would be better if I had been born a woman. Then at least I would appeal to him.

Before I can daydream about what it would be like to be his wife, my doorbell rings. I sigh, setting my potato chips aside and pushing myself off the couch.

I crack the door open, not really very happy about an unexpected visit. I raise my eyebrows when I see who it is.

"Sion? Can I uh, help you?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, I just came to speak to your door. Just open the damn door, Ritsu." Once a sarcastic bastard, always a sarcastic bastard.

I close the door and unhook the chain, before swinging the door open again. I step aside, gesturing for him to enter.

"Welcome to my domain."

He walks in, taking in my apartment, which reminds me he hasn't been here before.

"How'd you get my address?"

He turns around and takes in my pajamas. "I got it from Masashi. Which could be handy the next time you decide to get drunk and not remember where you live. Now, go change into something nice, we're going out."

"To do what?"

He rolls his eyes at me again and puts his hands on his hips. "To have fun, obviously."

"Isn't your version of fun studying?" I wrinkle my nose.  

He scoffs. "No, Ritsu, we're going to a mixer party."

Heh, can you say hell no? "Um, no. I'm not."

"Yes, you fucking are. Now get dressed."

I hold up my hands. "Nope, not happening."

He grabs my wrist and all but drags me farther into the apartment. "I already told Masashi you were coming, so you have no choice."

I groaned. Great. Just what I need, to pretend to be attracted to some chick. "I don't want to, Sion."

"I don't care." I glare at his back.

He drags me into my bedroom, letting go of my wrist near the door. He walks to my dresser and starts rummaging through drawers, throwing clothes onto the floor left and right. He's so rude. He throws a pair of black jeans and a black long sleeved V-neck shirt my way.

"Change into those. I'll wait by the door." He brushes past me, closing the door behind him. 

I change into them slowly, preparing for the hell this night could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might meet friends in unexpected places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Edit - 11/9/14 - All chapters are under construction~ Nothing big, but yeah. Toodles.)

We arrived at the karaoke place at the same time Masashi and Ishihara did. Masashi held the door while Sion and Ishihara went in. I stopped next to him. "How did I get wrapped up in this?"  
  
He shrugs. "I was wondering the same thing. Sion was just so persistent…"  
  
I sigh and head into the building. Sion tells us that the girls already got us a room and to follow him. He leads us down a hall and to the room. "Nice to see you again, Ishihara." I say as Sion opens the door.

She smiles. "You too."

She really is cute.  
  
There are three black couches, pushes together to make kind of a square 'U'.  
  
There are four girls there, and two guys I don't know. Judging by how Sion greets them, he must know them.  
The girls introduce themselves, Kendri is girl with very short black hair next to Guy I Don't Know #1, Kuriyama is a girl with dark hair and dark eyes on the right side of the couches, another named Tia or something, and the girl in the center of the couches that Sion shoves me toward, is Nanase.  She has long straight brown hair that falls to her waist, and dark green eyes. She is beautiful. I shake her hand and introduce myself. Masashi and Ishihara sit down on the couch to my right.  
  
 "What song should I sing?" Sion says, grabbing the microphone.

"No!" Masashi and I yell in unison, leaning forward. Masashi and I exchange a look before Masashi speaks. "You'll never get a girl if you sing, Sion. Trust me."  
  
Sion scoffs. "You underestimate me." But he hands the microphone off to Kuriyama. She smiles, picks a song and starts singing. I don't know the song, but her voice is nice, soft.  
  
One of the guys I don't know, who's name is Jean, passes out beers. I sip mine slowly. I will not get drunk tonight. That had not gone well for me last time.  
  
"So, do you go to the same university as Sion?" Nanase asks me, sliding closer. Her shirt is a V-neck, and the way she's leaning toward me pulls it lower. I wish for a moment I was attracted to her.  
  
 "Yes. He and I, both." I gesture to Masashi who takes a long swig of his drink.  
  
She purses her lips and nods. "Are they together?"   
  
"Yeah, they are. Close to a year now." I nod. My voice sounds more bitter than I mean it to and she looks at me curiously. But she doesn't say anything. She leans back and takes a drink of her own beer. She wrinkles her nose.  
  
I chuckle. "Not your favorite?"  
  
She shakes her head. "No, I don't like beer much."  
  
I laugh. "Me neither, but its safer than girly drinks. Those get you drunk too fast."  
  
She laughs, and it an extremely pleasant sound. "You know that from experience?"  
  
I nod, shifting on the couch so I'm facing her. "Yes, actually. I swear I only have two and then I'm smashed."  
  
She giggles. Our attention is shifted as Sion starts singing a duet with the girl whose name I think is Tia. "Ah, and we even warned him."  
  
"Tia doesn't seem to mind." Nanase chuckles, pushing her hair over her shoulder. Her hair is very long and looks incredibly soft. I wonder briefly what kind of shampoo she uses.

"You want to touch it?"  
  
I blink at her in confusion. "What?"

She pulls her hair back around her shoulder. "My hair. You were staring at it."  
  
I clear my throat. "I, uh, was just thinking it looked really soft."  
  
She smiles. "Touch it."

I do as she says and slide a lock between my thumb and index finger. Smooth as silk.  
  
"Your hair is beautiful." I say with a smile. I pull my hand back. 

She grins, taking a long swig of her drink. "Thanks."

I nod.  
  
After another couple of hours pretty much everyone, except for Nanase and I, are drunk. Nanase stopped after her third beer, saying it was leaving a bad taste in her mouth.  
  
But the way Masashi slung his arm lazily around Ishihara's shoulders, and the way she curled into him, made me drink a few more. I stopped after five, not drunk but happier. I managed to get out of singing, which was good for everyone present. Nanase sang a few songs with some of the girls, but for the most part she and I just talked.  
  
Jean and Kendri are currently singing a sappy duet, but their words are slurred and they giggle more than they sing. The other guy, whose name I never caught, announces he's going to escort Kuriyama home. The rest agree that it's late and time to go home.  
  
We all stand around outside, deciding what to do. Sion ends up going to have a few more drinks with Jean, Tia and Kendri at some bar I have no interest in going to. I decline when Sion asks if I want to go. Masashi and Ishihara both decline.  
  
I don't want to go home yet, but I don't want to hang around and watch Ishihara cling to Masashi all night.  
  
I turn to Nanase. "Wanna go eat with me?"

Instead of answering, she grabs me by the front of my shirt and kisses me.  
  
I pause in honest shock. Its a nice feeling, but its nothing compared to how one kiss from Masashi made me feel. I humor her, letting my eyes slide closed as I kiss her back slowly.  
  
I feel guilty toward Masashi, but I know I shouldn't. I'm single and can do as I please. That doesn't lessen my guilt. I feel guilty toward Nanase too, like I'm deceiving her.  
  
I pull away from her and stand up straight.  
  
 For a moment I'm overcome with a longing, a longing to be able to desire a girl like her. She's sweet, witty and beautiful. I sigh inwardly.

"That was unexpected." I say softly, although I smile. 

She blushes tremendously, and looks rather surprised she did it herself.   
  
"I think I left my purse inside, Masa." Ishihara says. I ignore the way that nickname grates on my ears when she says it. She picked it up from me. I stopped using it shortly after. 

"I'll get it, wait out here." His dark gaze lands on me, and I can see clearly that he's angry. "Ritsu, will you help me look for it?"  
  
"Sure." I say, managing to keep the sigh out of my voice. He was going to say something about the kiss, I could feel it. I follow after him reluctantly.   
  
Once we're back in the room with the door shut behind us, Masashi turns to face me. "What was that?"  
  
I don't pretend I don't know what he's talking about. "Am I not allowed to kiss people?"  
  
He crosses his arms. "You're gay. Don't lead her on."

Like you're one to talk.  
  
I roll my eyes. "What would you have had me do? Reject her straight out?"  
  
"Yes." He hissed.  
  
The few drinks I had make me braver. I know I'll be biting my tongue later, but for now I will say what I want. "I can imagine how that would play out. 'Please don't kiss me, I'm not attracted to you.' Something like that, Masashi?"   
  
He glares at me. "Why do you have to do that?"  
  
"What? Be right?"  
  
"Play everything off like nothing phases you."  
  
I chuckle because it's funny. More things phase me than he knows, but if I showed them all... I'd be a wreck. "I'm phased by more than you think."  
  
"Then why don't you act like it?" He makes a gesture with his hands that doesn't really mean anything.  
  
"Because if I let every uncertainty phase me than I…I wouldn't get anywhere in life."  
  
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, cause you're really going somewhere, Ritsu."  
  
I stare at him in shock. Is that what he really thinks of me?  
  
"Wow." I say with a shake of my head. I don't give more response than that - I turn and walk out, leaving him standing there with his unjustified anger.   
  
"Hey, where's Masa?" Ishihara asks when I walk out without him.

I take a deep breath and smile. But its not real. "Um, he's not very happy with me right now, and kind of told me off, so he probably doesn't even remember what he went back in there for."  
  
Ishihara blinks in surprise. "What happened? You guys never fight."  
  
_That you know of._  
  
I rub the back of my neck. "Yeah, um, why don't you ask him?"  
  
I glance at Nanase. She looks at me curiously but doesn't say anything. "Still wanna eat with me?"  
  
She nods, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
I turn back to Ishihara. "You might wanna go get him. Take him somewhere to cool off. He was pretty mad."  
  
She gives me a sympathetic smile and nods. She walks up and kisses me on the cheek before entering the building to find her probably fuming boyfriend.  
  
I look back at Nanase. "Ready?"  
  
**-**

  
We end up at a small cafe down the road a ways from the karaoke place. We both order coffee and sandwiches. Nanase is quiet, sipping from her coffee mug.  
  
Her quietness is odd considering she was excitable and witty not half an hour ago. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"I'm sorry I kissed you." She blurts out and then blushes. "I'm not usually like that. The beers made me brave."  
  
I smile as I stir cream into my coffee. "Don't worry about it."  
  
"Do you usually kiss girls on the first date?" She tilts her head to the side.  
  
I actually do a lot more than that on the first date, just not with girls.  
  
"Well, that's the thing. I would have told you if I'd known you were going to kiss me…" I start awkwardly, watching her cheeks redden again. "I'm actually gay."  
  
She stares at me for at least thirty seconds before bursting into laughter. At what, I have no idea.  
  
"Oh my god, that's so embarrassing." She said through a large smile. "I kissed a gay guy. That's a first for me."  
  
Her reaction was not what I was expecting. She looks at me with new interest. "Is that why you stared at my hair and not my chest?"  
  
I feel my cheeks redden. "Um, yeah, I guess."  
  
"And what were you thinking about while looking at my hair?"  
  
I shift in my seat. "I was wondering if it was naturally that silky or if…" She cuts me off with a round of laughter. "Or if it was some shampoo you used…" I finish, definitely blushing now.  
  
She kicks me under the table. "Were you really?"  
  
I nod.

"Wow, thats so awesome. So can I bombard you with questions now?"  
  
I shrug. "I guess."  
  
"When did you first realize you were gay?"  
  
"Um, a little more than a year I think?"  
  
"What made you realize it?" She asks me seriously, like she's studying for a test. I shift under her gaze.  
  
"I started having thoughts about my best friend that…weren't 'normal'."  
  
"Were you in love with him?" She leans forward and puts her elbows on the table.  
  
 "Does it matter?"  
  
"So you were."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Yes."  
  
"Are you still?"  
  
"Yeah… You actually met him tonight." I add as an afterthought.  
  
She wrinkles her nose. "Sion?"  
  
I wrinkle my nose along with her. "No, he's not my type."  
  
She giggles. "Which one then?" She claps her hands. "Wait, its Masashi isn't it?"  
  
I nod, trying not to think of what he just said to me.  
  
She purses her lips and nods approvingly. "Yeah, yeah, I can see that. He is pretty cute."  
  
More like downright sexy.  
  
"Does he know?"  
  
"Yeah, he does. I didn't really mean to tell him but it kinda happened."

I can't believe I'm telling her this. I don't know this girl. But she was sweet, and perhaps it was because she's a stranger that I can say all this so easily.

She nods. "Did he take it well?"  
  
"Yeah, he actually did. Surprised, but he took it fine, I guess." With a few hiccups along the way.  
  
"Any other deep dark secrets you'd like to share?"  
  
Yeah, why the hell not.  
  
"I'm kind of a prostitute."  
  
She chokes on her coffee and sets the mug down roughly. She coughs several times and when she recovers, she stares at me for a long moment. "You're serious?"  
  
I nod. I bite down on my lip. "It was on a whim. And I guess I just kinda kept doing it."  
  
"Oh wow." She says and I can see her processing this. "I kissed a gay guy and a prostitute. Double first."  
  
I can't help myself - I laugh.  "Does nothing surprise you?"  
  
She smiles. "I am surprised. I'm getting a completely different picture of you than what I had thought you would be like."  
  
"I'm sure that's true."  
  
"So how did you end up going to the mixer party?" She asks, taking a bite of her sandwich.  
  
I scowl. "Sion dragged me out the door - literally."  
  
She smiled around her mouthful. After she swallowed she said, "Yeah, he seems like the persistent type."  
  
"You have no idea." I lean back in my chair. "I suppose it was a small revenge for him though."  
  
She raises an eyebrow at me.

"Masashi and I drew on his face and painted his nails."  
  
"Wow, such mature sleepovers boys have."  
  
I snorted. "You know it."

After we ate, I paid the tab. She protested and said she could pay for herself but I insisted. I asked her if I could walk her home. It was dark and I would feel better if I knew she made it home safely. She accepted but said only if she could pay for the next meal. I agreed but have little intention of letting her do so. 

"Well, Ritsu, it was a pleasure to meet you and learn all your dark secrets and bombard you with questions." She said once we were outside her house. "Thank you for treating me."  
  
"Yeah, no problem. Thanks for prying into my life." I smile, reaching out and ruffling her hair.  
  
She glowers at me. She holds out her hand. "Give me your phone."  
  
I do as I'm told. She hands it back to me after a moment. "I put my number in there and sent myself a text so I have your number too." Her phone buzzes in her pocket to confirm it.

"Alright, cool." I smile, honestly looking forward to seeing her again.  
  
She hugs me briefly. "I expect to be kept up to date on your, uh, life, I guess?"   
  
 I salute her. "Yes, ma'am."  
  
She rolls her eyes. "And if you need to talk about anything I'll be around."  
  
I soften. She's really kind of sweet.

"Or if you just want me to kick someone in the balls, I can do that too."  
  
I sigh. "Just go in your house."  
  
She walks up the porch and I call out to her before she opens the door. She looks back at me expectantly.  
  
 "Thanks." I say, sincerely.

She gives me a peace sign and walks inside.  
  
**-**  
  
I walk into the library after a lecture to find a table to study at. I found one in the corner and set my stuff down.  
  
I hadn't heard from Masashi, and I had a hard time focusing on anything else. What he said plays over and over in my head. I know its ridiculous to get worked up over something he said while drunk, but I can't help it. He has no idea the power he has over me. I don't know if I'm mad at him or myself.  
  
I look up as Sion slides into the seat across from me.

"Hey, Sion." I say, looking up from where I'm rummaging through my bag.  
  
"Did you have fun the other night, Ritsu?"  
  
 "Yes, actually."  
  
He gives me a faint frown. "You sound surprised that you had fun."    
  
"I am."  
  
He dismisses my comment with a wave of his hand.  
  
"Where's Masashi? I haven't seen him today."  
  
"I dunno." I reply with a shrug. Could he bring Masashi up at a worse time?  
  
 "Huh. Think he finally got laid after the party?"  
  
"I don't know and I don't care." I say a little too harshly, hoping he'll drop the subject. The last thing I want to think about is Masashi getting laid.  
  
He holds his hands up in mock surrender. "Well I guess I don't even need to ask if you got laid, obviously you didn't, Mr. Grumpy-ass." He gets up from the table and leaves me alone. I felt bad about snapping at him but I really wasn't in the mood for banter. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I almost groaned out loud. I was never going to get any studying done like this.

A text from 'Nanase is so Beast', I roll my eyes at the name she put in.  
  
 It reads: (Any word from black-haired beauty?)  
  
I type out a reply. (Nope, not a word. Haven't seen him around school yet either. Sion was just here asking if I thought he got laid. On another note, I like the name you put in my phone.)  
  
After a couple minutes I get another text. (Think he did? And I thought you might.)  
  
I've only known her for two days but I felt like I'd known her a long time. It was weird. (I doubt it. Ishihara wouldn't want their first time to be while he's mad.)  
  
Another text. (What's he mad about anyway?)  
  
(I kissed you.) I put my books back in my bag. There was no way I could study with my mind on so many things at once.

I got up from the table and made my way outside. When I reached the street outside the university my phone went off again, signaling another text.  
  
(Seriously? While he was all over whats-her-face?)  
  
(Yeah, pretty much. You busy the rest of the day?)  
  
Not thirty seconds later my phone rings, signaling a phone call. From Nanase. I press send. "Yeah?"  
  
"I don't really like texting that much so yeah. And yes, I am free the rest of the day. Wanna do something?"  
  
"Yes, I would. Where to?"  
  
"Mm, you hungry?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Wanna meet at the same cafe?"  
  
"Sure, what time?"  
  
"Now?" I can hear the smile in her voice.  
  
"Yeah, I can do that. It'll take me a little while."  
  
"Then get moving. See you in a bit!" The line goes dead. I put my phone back in my pocket.     
  
**-**  
  
Dinner had been nice. I had needed Nanase's enthusiasm today. We had a good time. She was easy to get along with. I could see myself becoming really good friends with her.  
  
It was nearly ten when I got back to my apartment. I slid my key in to find that it was already unlocked. But I knew I locked up before I left. But Masashi had a key. Was he here?  
  
I opened the door into my apartment, looking around. Several of the lights were on, but I didn't see Masashi.  
  
I slid my shoes off and hung my coat up. I had turned the lights off too.  
  
I walked through my bedroom door and that's where I find Masashi, flat out on my bed, fast asleep. I try to be irritated but it doesn't work, the feeling isn't there. He's too cute.  
  
 I sigh. I turn the light off, grab a clean pair of clothes and head to shower.  
  
I walk back into my bedroom, hair still wet from my shower. I glance at Masashi on my way to the closet. Still asleep.  
  
I grab a  couple spare blankets out of the closet and throw one across him, taking the other two with me to the living room. I laid myself out on the couch and soon find myself asleep.  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get so out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible slacker, that's all I can say. 
> 
> You have my cousin and her (not so) mild threats to thank for this chapter. ^^'
> 
> As for words on this chapter... *hides*  
> Oh yeah, and this chapter is in Masashi's POV (which I almost forgot to add) so yeah I hope you enjoy.

I silently curse myself for falling asleep. I hadn't meant to. I had meant to wait for Ritsu. Talk to him. Apologize.   
  
I push the blanket off of me - a blanket Ritsu must have thrown over me because I'm pretty sure it wasn't there last night - and stand.   
  
Part of me was surprised he hadn't just crawled into bed beside me, if he had come home, but I guess it shouldn't. He's too cautious over how I would react. Not that I could blame him. I did tend to react before I thought.   
  
I hated myself for hurting him, but I hated the idea of him not in my life even more. As selfish as that was, it was true.   
  
I walked out of his room and toward the living room. I stop when I see him though. He's sitting upright on the coach, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. His shoulders shake. A muffled sob pierces my ears. He had been crying a lot recently, and I hated knowing that I caused his pain.   
  
I walk around the coach and kneel in front of him. He must not have heard me because he flinches when I wrap my hand around his wrist. I don't say anything, just position myself between his legs and pull him against me. He hesitates for a second before wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his face into my shoulder. "I'm sorry." I take a shaky breath, not sure how to convey how guilty I feel for everything, but I try anyway. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, Ritsu."  
  
I hold him while his shoulders shake, rubbing his back because that's all I can do.  
  
After a couple minutes he pulls away with a sigh and leans back against the couch. He wipes all the remaining wetness from his face. "Sorry. Bad dream," he says quietly.   
  
I shake my head. "Don't apologize." I don't ask what the dream was about. I could probably guess.   
He stands suddenly, resulting in me moving away quickly to avoid colliding with him. He walks around the coach and heads to the kitchen. I follow after him. He turns the sink on and splashes his face with water.   
  
When he's done he turns the sink off, leaning his hands against the counter, his eyes closed. Water drips off his face.   
  
"Ritsu… I-" A sudden ringing cuts me off and I look around to see where it's coming from. Ritsu moves past me and back to the living room. I follow to see him rummaging around on the coach cushions before he finally finds his phone. He answers it. "Hello?"   
  
He moves to the window, so his back is to me. "Sorry, I forgot," he glances at me, an unreadable look in his eye. "No, I got home fine."  
  
That gets my attention. Who is he talking to?  
  
He sighs. "Probably tonight. I can't keep putting it off," he moves back to the kitchen, "well not if I don't want to get fired anyway."  
  
Is he talking about his job? I thought no one else knew? Maybe he's talking to a co-worker. He gets a container of orange juice out. He sets it down and asks if I want any, holding his phone over the receiver. I nod.   
  
"No, sorry, I wasn't talking to you," he grabs two glasses out of his cabinet. "Look, I have company, can I call you back later?"  
  
He pours the glasses and holds one out to me. "Yes, I did too. Talk to you later, bye." He hangs up, shoving his phone into his sweatpants pocket.   
  
I shouldn't ask. It's none of my business. "Who was that?"   
  
"Nanase."   
  
I frown. "From the party?"   
  
He nods.   
  
"What'd she want?" Shut up, it's none of your business, Masashi. Stop asking.   
  
"To know if I got home alright."   
  
Stop prying. "You've met up with her since then?"   
  
"Yes," he gives me an odd look, before turning and leaning against the counter. "and no, I'm not fucking her too, if that's what you're about to ask."   
  
I wasn't. But I still felt the guilt hit me. I had asked that question before, about his co-worker, so I wasn't surprised he thought I would again. I felt terrible, because I had hurt him then, too.   
  
"She's just a friend," He said quickly, as if he needed to justify himself to me. I am an idiot. I've made him insecure about our friendship, on top of everything else.   
  
"I came here to apologize, Ritsu," I set the glass down and stepped toward him. "I said horrible things to you at that party, and things before then, hell ever since you told me that you're gay," I sighed. "I haven't been fair to you and I overreact and hurt you, and I'm so, so sorry."  
  
"For being an asshole, for being selfish and cruel, for not thinking about your feeling and for anything else I've done to hurt you."  
  
"It's not who I want to be and I wish I could take it all back," I finish, standing there awkwardly, wanting to touch him but not sure if I should.   
  
All he says is, "It's fine."   
  
I frown. "No, it's not. It's not fine at all."  
  
He rubs his palms against his eyes. "What do you want me to say? It's true you hurt me. But maybe you wouldn't react the way you do if I wasn't a whore, and then whose fault is it?"  
  
I want to deny it. You're not a whore. But that would be lying. I hated it.   
  
But more than that, I hated how he degraded himself. He was trapped in a world of self hatred and I wanted to fix it. But I only end up making things worse.  "I know it won't fix anything, but I am sorry," is all I can manage to say.   
  
He nods, dropping his hands to his sides. "I know you are."   
  
I'm not sure if he has forgiven me, or if I even deserve to be forgiven, but it's definitely a start.   
Which also reminds me of the other reason I came here. I was going to hell for this, but I had to do something. And the only thing I had to offer…   
  
"Say, Ritsu," I started, and holy shit did I sound way more confident than I felt. "Want to make a deal?"   
  
He picked up his glass and took a drink. "Depends. Does it have something to do with your homework?"   
  
"Not at all."   
  
"Fine, I'm listening."   
  
"If you quit your job," He raises his eyes to glare at me. "I'll sleep with you once."   
  
He drops his glass of orange juice and I flinch as it shatters at his feet.   
  
After that, silence.   
  
Utter, unsettling, silence.   
  
Before, "What?"   
  
I rub the back of my neck. I was really hoping he wouldn't make me repeat myself. "I think you heard me, Ritsu." I was not blushing. I moved to the cabinet under the sink, grabbing a dust pan and a small broom-like-brush thing.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because I don't want you to get hurt anymore," I knelt in front of him and began sweeping the glass up. "Don't move."   
  
He didn't say anything until I had the mess completely cleaned up.   
  
"That's not fair," He ran a hand through his hair. "How can you expect me to answer that?"  
  
I lean against the counter opposite of him. "I was hoping you would just say yes."  
  
"Why?" He repeated. "You don't even find me attractive like that."   
  
That wasn't true. The kiss we shared in his bathroom proved that, when he had ended up in my lap. I am attracted to him, and that's part of the problem. "You don't know that."   
  
He closed his eyes and didn't say anything. "You're not playing fair. You dangle everything I want in front of me and expect me to taste it and walk away like it didn't happen."  
  
That was the part I hadn't figured out yet. We have sex, he quits, then… What? But he had to quit, before he ended up hurt again.   
  
So I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing I thought might make him cave. I closed the space between us. He tensed up when my hand found it's way into his hair and I pulled his lips to mine. I felt him hesitate against me, before his hands ended up on my chest. I thought he was going to push me away, but they just rested there.   
  
I tilted his head back further, so I could press my body against his. He gasped softly beneath me. I took advantage of the opening and pushed my tongue past his lips.  
  
His hands wound around my neck and he pressed up into the kiss. I snaked my other arm around his waist.  
  
Just as suddenly as he gave in, he pushed me away.    
  
He didn't get very far, as I pretty much had him pressed against the counter.   
  
"Stop," he was panting in a way I found encouraging. "I can't do this."   
  
"You can."  
  
"Damn it, Masa-"   
I cut him off by slipping my hand under his shirt. He shivered as I ran my hand up his chest.   
  
He turned his head away, his jaw flexing. I knew he was trying pretty hard not to give in.   
  
I used my other hand to turn his head back to me. He glared at me, but behind that was a burning desire. He had looked at me with desire before, but never this intense. I swallowed, feeling heat pool in my stomach. I was starting to want him. I kissed him again, harder this time. He responded in kind, his fingers finding purchase in my hair.  
  
I pulled away first this time, to breath. He was a great kisser. He made me dizzy in the best possible way, and I was feeling it below now.   
  
"I hate you," He was glaring at me still, but he seemed to have given up on me giving up.   
  
I smiled. "No, you don't."  
  
And then he was moving forward, and we were kissing again, and he was moving me back until I was up against the opposite counter. His fingers in my hair pull me down to him, even though he's shorter than me, he's dominating me.   
  
It's intoxicating.   
  
It's not like all the kisses I've have with Ishihara were slow and sweet, but I was always the one taking initiative.   
But this wasn't like that at all. He had taken control, and taken me with him. He was all passion and heat, crashing against me.  
  
It was hot.   
  
It was arousing.   
  
I could do this. I had doubts earlier, but not now.   
  
I picked him up, and he instantly wrapped his legs around my hips. The movement caused our erections to grind together and I groaned into his mouth.   
  
I walked toward the bedroom. He grunted when his back met the hallway wall but he didn't protest. If anything he kissed me harder. I fumbled around until I felt the door handle to his bedroom and swung it open.   
  
I carried him into the room, tossed him lightly onto the queen size bed, and quickly followed him. I paused long enough to sit up and dispose of my shirt, ripping it over my head in a not-so-sexy way. His shirt was soon to follow. He slid further up on the bed. I crawled after him, stopping to admire the way he looked.   
  
I'd never thought I'd say this, but right now, he was sexy. His legs were spread, knees bend. His arms were above his head, his chest rising and falling quickly. But most of all his expression. His eyes were glazed over with lust, his cheeks flushed a rosy color, lips parted.   
  
He frowned and averted his gaze. He sat up quickly, causing me to rock back slightly.   
  
Uncertainty overtook his expression. "We don't have to do this."   
  
I smiled just before I crashed our lips together, pushing him onto his back.   
  
A sudden thought makes me pull away. I frown. "You're… okay with bottoming, right? Because I don't think-"   
  
His laughter cuts me off. I don't know what I said that is so amusing.    
  
He regains his composure shortly after, although a smile remains on his face. "Yeah, that's fine." He winks. "I'm a bottom anyway. But even if I was a top, I'd bottom for you."  
  
His words make me feel warm inside. They shouldn't, but they do.   
  
Before I can answer, I feel his hands slide down my chest and stomach, lower, until he's palming me through fabric. I gasp. He removes his hand before quickly wrapping his legs around my hips and rolling us over. Once seated on my hips he slides down until he can effectively hook his fingers into my waist band, casting me a look before sliding my pants down in one motion.    
  
I shiver at the exposed feeling. I don't have much time to be embarrassed before he licks me from hilt to tip, and I can't help the strangled gasp that escapes me. He takes the tip into his mouth and I'm surrounded by tight heat. He sucks the tip before taking more into his mouth, sliding down further, and I groan, moving one of my hands to tangle it in his hair. "R-Ritsu…"   
  
He takes it as encouragement and sets a rhythm that would make any man writher under him. My hand tightens in his hair, to the point it must be painful but I don't have a lot of control over it right now, and he doesn't seem to mind as he moans around me, the sensation of it causing my hips to buck forward, which he didn't seem to care about either.   
  
I won't last long at this rate, which he must realize too because he detaches himself with a 'pop'. My hand falls from his hair and he wipes the saliva off his chin. He then rolls off the bed, standing to discard of his pants, before he sits on the edge of the bed. He pulls a box out from under his bed and rummages through it for a minute, finally producing a bottle of lube and a condom packet.  
  
Then he just sat there, staring at the lube bottle. I sit up. Finally, he turns slightly, still staring at the bottle, and speaks. "Do you want to do this… or should I?"   
  
It took me a moment to understand what he was referring to. Once I had, I took the bottle from him. "I will," I say softly. After I had decided to do this, I looked up some stuff about how guys did it. I had a pretty decent idea about how to prepare him.   
  
He crawled back up onto the bed and I positioned myself between his legs.   
  
"Are you sure about this, Masashi? It's not too late to stop." His voice was soft, with a faint quiver to it.   
  
"Yes," I responded, running one of my hands down his leg. "I am."   
I rubbed circles on his thigh while I popped the lube bottle open with my other hand. I poured some onto my fingers, moving it around to slick them up. I took a deep breath. I could do this.   
  
I pressed my fingers to his entrance before slipping my middle finger in. A soft hiss passed his lips and he wiggled under me. I moved my gaze to his. "Is this okay?"   
  
He nodded. "The lube is cold."   
  
"Oh," I breath out. "Okay."   
I move my finger this way and that, curling and uncurling it.   
  
"Add another," he says, moving his arm to cover his eyes. I do as he says, slipping another finger inside him. He shivers, a soft moan passing his lips. The sound surprises me, I hadn't excepted him to sound so… hot.  
  
I remove my free hand from his hip, all while moving my fingers inside him, and wrap my fingers around his cock.   
  
A shocked gasp escaped his lips, the hand covering his eyes moved to grasp my arm, stopping the motion I was making on his dick.   
  
My questioning gaze meets his. "Ritsu?"  
  
"Sorry," He releases his grip. "I guess I'm not used to being touched there…"  
  
I frown. Clients didn't touch him? "You want me to stop?"   
  
He shakes his head quickly. "No, I-" He stops himself. "Please don't stop."   
  
I nod, resuming motion with both hands. A strangled sound slips passed his lips and his hands twist in the sheets.   
  
A few months ago I had never thought that this could happen between us. Not once had I ever considered he might feel more for me than I thought. Not once had I considered he might want something like this. Ritsu was good at hiding his sexual orientation, let alone his feelings for me. But I wonder, was he really that good, or was I really that oblivious? How many times had I made a simple remark, thinking nothing of it, that hurt him?   
  
What does he love about me?  
  
I twist my hand mid-stroke, rubbing my thumb over the tip, and slip another finger into him. His hand slips behind my neck, and he pulls my lips to his. The kiss is short and messy, before he releases me. "I'm ready," he whispers against my lips. I nod and take my fingers out of him. He reaches over and grabs the condom packet. He tears it open with his teeth. He pushes me back a little, and that's when I realize he means to put it on me himself. He wraps his hand around me, giving me a tight squeeze before he rolls the condom on with an ease that says he's done it a dozen times. Or more. I'm surprised by how much I dislike the thought.   
  
He leans back again and I settle between his legs. I have one hand on his thigh, and the other on my cock to guide me. I meet his gaze as I position myself, before I slowly push in.   
  
A moan pours from my lips at the engulfing heat. I hadn't expected him to be so tight. I release myself and move my hand to his other thigh. I continue pushing in slowly and watch him. His breathing has accelerated, and he whimpers so softly I have to strain to hear it. He moves one hand to cover his mouth. I stop moving and reach to remove his hand. "If I'm hurting you, I want you to tell me."  
  
He blinks a few times and nods. "Kiss me," his voice is soft. I do as I'm told. I lean forward and press my lips to his, letting him decide how the kiss will turn out. He deepens the kiss slightly before pulling away. He tells me to continue. So I do.   
  
When I'm seated completely inside him, he moans softly. "Fuck…" His voice quivers. "You're fucking wide." He swallows roughly before nodding to himself. "You can move."  
  
I start moving, slowly at first, but gradually gain speed. He lifts his hips to match my every thrust. I readjusted my hold on him with on hand, and moved my other to wrap around his cock again, giving it a few long pumps. He whimpered again, but not in pain this time. He shifted his hips slightly, and my cock rubbed against something that made his back arch and a wanton moan escaped his bruised lips.  
  
"F-fuck, Masashi, right there!" He demanded, although he had been the one to move his hips in the first place. But I held his hips in place and thrust more sharply, hitting that sweet spot several times over. I continued stroking him. "If you keep doing tha- Ah!" He cut off at a particularly good aimed thrust, his back arched again and I couldn't help but smirk slightly. He tried again. "If you keep doing that… I'm seriously not going to last."   
  
"Good," I replied, smirk still in place. I was kind of proud I could reduce him to a mess. He rolled his eyes and lifted himself onto one elbow. Then he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my lips to his own. He released me after a moment, and fell back onto the bed again.   
  
In response to my retort, he wrapped his legs around me, and dragged me deeper than I had been able to reach before. He chuckled when I moaned. His humor disappeared when I squeezed his cock, a strangled noise cutting off his next words.   
  
"M-Masashi, ah! I'm gonna…" He didn't finish his sentence and he didn't need to. I continued pumping him in time with my thrusts until his orgasm overtook him. He cried out, his back arching and his nails digging into my arm. He tightened around me and my own release hit me like a brick wall.   
  
I lay my head on his shoulder, trying to recover from the most exhausting thing I'd ever done in my life. I felt so satisfied, I'd never felt pleasure like that. I'd fooled around with Ishihara but we'd never gone this war. Thinking about her brought guilt to the surface, but I pushed it away.   
  
Ritsu was absent-mindedly running his fingers through my hair. It felt good. I pulled out of him and rolled onto my side. I rolled the condom off of me and threw it in the wastebasket beside his bed. Ritsu leaned over me to grab a tissue, which he cleaned himself up with before throwing it in the trash as well.   
  
We were silent for a long time, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence.   
  
"Should I be this tired?" I finally asked.   
  
He laughed softly and rolled onto his side to look at me. "Yeah, the first time is always the most exhausting," He frowns suddenly. "It was your first time, wasn't it?"  
  
I nodded. "It was."  
  
He averted his eyes and sighed. "You're an idiot," He moved his hand and started stroking the inside of my forearm with his fingertips.   
  
"I know," I yawned. "Can I sleep?"  
  
It was really more of a question on whether he wanted me to stay or not, but I didn't voice that.   
  
He nodded, and we both slipped under the sheets. I turned on my side to face him.   
He was hesitant to touch me again, but after a while, and with a questioning gaze, he sidled up to me and rested his head against my chest. I responded by wrapping my arms around him.   
  
And with the afternoon light filtering through the curtains, we fell asleep. The last thought that crossed my mind before I was dragged into unconsciousness, was how right he felt in my arms.   
  
\-   
  
When I woke, it was dark. I don't know what time it was. But someone was running their fingers through my hair again, and I leaned into the touch. The movement stopped and I opened my eyes.   
  
The eyes I met were Ritsu's, and his face was really close to mine.   
  
"Sorry," he whispered. "Did I wake you?"  
  
I was confused for a moment, before our earlier… activities came back to me.   
  
I shook my head. "I don't think so."  
  
He nodded. He sat up slightly, so he could lean over me. He pressed his lips to mind, and I humored him. The kiss wasn't hurried and desperate like the earlier ones, this one was slow, deep, and simple.   
He pulled away, but started kissing his way down my jaw, to my neck. I shivered as he slowly made his way to my collarbone, and he stopped. "Please…" His voice shook. It took me a moment to realize that it wasn't just his voice that shook, but his whole body was shaking softly. When he leaned back onto his left hand that was beside my head, and lifted his other hand off the bed from my other side, it also shook. He caressed my cheek for a moment before he leaned down again, pressing his lips back to mine for a brief moment. "Fuck me one more time."   
  
I sighed softly. "Ritsu…"   
  
"I know that wasn't the deal. I know, but please," He moved his hand down to my collarbone. "One more time."  
  
I rolled him over onto his back, and kissed him. I shouldn't have, but I did.   
  
His hand moved from my chest to my cock and I groaned as he wrapped his fingers around me. His skilled hand had me panting quicker than what was fair.   
  
He grabbed another condom from the box and quickly rolled in on me. He grabbed the lube to slick some over my cock, before he threw the bottle in the general direction of the nightstand. Needless to say, he missed. I didn't question that he didn't prepare himself, nor ask me to.   
  
Before I could change our positions he stopped me. "I…" He swallowed. "I want to try a position that I've only done a few times…"   
  
I nodded, and waited for further instructions. He told me to lay down on my side, so I did. He positioned himself so he was on his side, with his back to me. I had an idea of where to go from there. I lifted his thigh and he positioned me at his entrance. I sunk into his heat slowly, and only stopped when I was fully seated. He was panting already, and he whimpered softly.   
  
"Are you okay?" I whispered in his ear.   
  
He shuddered softly and nodded. "This position… it's really intense for the bottom."   
  
I wasn't sure how he meant that, but if he wasn't in pain then that was good enough for me.   
  
He told me to move after a few more moment, and that's what I did. I rolled up into him slowly. He mewled and twisted his hand in the sheets.   
  
I adjusted my hold on him and tried to aim for the spot that made him quiver before. It took me a while but I knew I must have hit it when he lurched and yelped. Yes, actually yelped.    
  
I kept the slow pace for a while, because it seemed to drive him into a writhing mess, and I might be a little sadistic, cause fuck was it hot.   
  
I released his leg and reached around to stroke his cock, which made him moan loudly. Apparently this position brought out his voice. Not that I was complaining.   
  
I tried to keep my thrusts as direct a hit as possible, and I seemed to be doing alright if the noises he made were anything to go by.   
  
When I sped my thrusts up I had a harder time hitting that spot, so I slowed back down again.   
  
"Masashi, f-fuck…" His voice turned into a whine when I squeezed his cock rather tightly.   
  
I knew he was about to come when he tightened around me, and his body started shuddering, and I continued to pump him through his release.   
  
I rolled up into him a few more times before my orgasm took me. I shuddered roughly and came hard.   
  
Fuck me. I had thought the first round was good, but this was way better. I'd never experienced an orgasm that actually made me see white for a moment.   
  
We were both still panting when I pulled out of him, took the condom off and threw it in the trash can. I settled back down behind him and wrapped my arms around him. He was shaking.   
  
"You're…" His voice broke, like he was trying his best to hold back tears. The thought hurt. "You're so fucking unfair."  
  
His words tore my heart. I could do nothing but hold him tighter.   
  
I knew then, that I had hurt him in a way that I could never make amends for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *continues to hide*


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masashi meets the co-workers. Ritsu does something brave. 
> 
> Something's got to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys. Look at this, an update SO FREAKING SOON. *applauds self*
> 
> So um, we are back to Ritsu's POV, yay. 
> 
> You can thank my ever-nagging cousin for this chapter, again. Like seriously, she's a good motivator. (Keep sending in those Yaoi pics, dear cousin, and you will get updates like I have coffee.((Not daily though...)) ) 
> 
> LOOK GUYS, A LONG-ISH CHAPTER, YEAH *applauds self*  
> OKAY SO THAT'S LIKE ALL I HAD TO SAY, BYE BYE

I woke up early, before the sun. I was still wrapped in Masashi's arms, so I slowly disentangled myself from him and sat up.  
  
I got up from the bed and put on some clothes, throwing a loose cream sweater on and some dark jeans. My moving about didn't wake Masashi and I found myself stopping and watching him.  
  
His lips were parted slightly and his dark hair fell over his eyes. He was hot.  
  
I tried not to think of what I'd let myself be dragged into, but it was impossible. I could still feel his hands on me.  
  
I left the room as quietly as I could. I made my way to the kitchen and started making some coffee. I found my phone on the counter, it was dead.  
  
I got my extra charger out of my bag and plugged it into an outlet next to the counter.  
  
The clock on the stove said it was just before four o' clock. It was a lot earlier than I had thought.  
  
My phone buzzed in my hand, announcing it was alive again. I had a missed call and voicemail from Mama. He almost never called me. The call had been from about half an hour ago.  
  
I listened to the voicemail.  
  
" _Hey, Rit-chan, sorry to call you so early. I'm sure you're asleep. Anyways, call me when you get this, it's important._ "  
  
I hit the callback button. It rang a few times before he answered.  
  
" _Hello?_ "  
  
The voice wasn't Renji's. But I recognized it. "Ran?"  
  
" _Ritsu?_ "  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
" _Hey, sorry, Mama left his phone in here._ "  
  
"That's fine. Do you know what he needed from me?"  
  
" _Um, yeah, but I think it'd be best if you came down here._ "  
  
"Okay. Did something happen?"  
  
" _Yeah. Someone was rough with Zin tonight. Mama wants to talk to us all._ "  
  
My heart beat sped up. Zin. "Is he okay?"  
  
" _Mm, he should be fine._ "  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can."  
  
We exchanged good-byes and he hung up. I stared at the phone for a few moments before my mind caught up. I needed to go.  
  
I went back to my bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. I shook Masashi awake, saying his name a few times.  
  
"What?" He said around a yawn.  
  
"I've got to go, so you can see yourself out when you get up, or hang out here, whatever."  
  
He rubbed his eyes before glancing at the alarm on the nightstand. "Where are you going at four in the morning?"  
  
"One of my coworkers got hurt tonight, so I'm going down to the shop to see him."  
  
He leaned up onto an elbow. "Is he okay?"  
  
I nodded. "I think so."  
  
I hoped so.  
  
"That's good," He yawned again. "do you want me to go with you?"  
  
I hesitated. I hadn't thought he'd offer to go. "Do you want to go?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Then get dressed, we need to go soon."  
  
He did.  
  
-  
  
Barely a word passed between us on the way there and just a little after four-thirty, I shuffled us through the back door.  
  
"This place is a lot closer than I imagined," Masashi commented.  
  
I shrugged. "I guess."  
  
I was worried about Zin, and I was worried about how I was going to break it to them that I was quitting.  
  
I took us to the dressing area and opened the door. Only Ran, Hibiki and Zin were currently present in the room.  
  
Ran was sitting on the make-up table, but he hopped down when we walked in. Hibiki was sitting on the couch with Zin's head in his lap, running his fingers through Zin's hair.  
  
I was distracted from them when Ran plowed into me, wrapping his arms around my neck. "It feels like it's been ages since we were all together!"  
  
I smiled. "It _has_ been awhile."  
  
Ran stepped back and turned his gaze to Masashi. He pointed at him. "Boyfriend?"  
  
I laughed softly. "No, he's not," I gestured between them. "This is my friend Masashi, and this is my coworker Ran."  
  
They shook hands and I left them to it. As I walked over to the couch Zin sat up. He gave me a lopsided smile and I smiled back. "You okay?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm fine. Everybody's making this a lot bigger deal than it is."  
  
"It is a big deal," Hibiki met my gaze. Underneath his concern for his boyfriend I knew he was seething. Neither of them were okay.  
  
I hugged Zin first, then Hibiki. After we broke apart I sat on the couch across from them, and I was soon joined by Masashi. Ran dragged the make-up stool over and sat on that.  
  
Masashi introduced himself and after that we were all silent for a few minutes. Zin laid his head on Hibiki's shoulder and Hibiki put his arm around him.  
  
"Have we met somewhere?" Hibiki asked Masashi, a soft frown adorning his face.  
  
Masashi thought for a moment. "I don't think so."  
  
"You have," I interject. "The night Ran and I got wasted and you took me to his place."  
  
"Ah," Realization spread over Hibiki's face. "That's right."  
  
Masashi nodded. "Now that you say that, I do remember him a little."  
  
Ran leaned forward on his stool. "That was a fun night."  
  
Zin snorted. "Speak for yourself. I had to carry you home."  
  
Ran giggled.  
  
"At least you knew where he lived. Anus-face over here wouldn't tell me where he lived," Hibiki sighed in exasperation.  
  
"Who even says anus-face?" Ran scrunched his nose up.  
  
"I do."  
  
"At least you got to just drop him at the door, I had to get him to his bed, strip his clothes off and pull blankets over him," Zin argued.  
  
"You stripped my clothes off?" Ran feigned shock.  
  
"You stripped his clothes off?" Hibiki raised an eyebrow, although Zin couldn't see him.  
  
"He was wearing jeans, and nobody likes to sleep in jeans," Zin explained.  
  
"You didn't do anything weird, did you?" Ran questioned.  
  
"He was drunk, no drunk cares what they sleep in," Hibiki added.  
  
I was trying not to laugh at this point.  
  
"Oh my god, you two," Zin sat up and rolled his eyes. "No, I didn't do anything weird. And I've seen all of you naked so I don't see what the big deal is."  
  
"You've seen Renji naked?" Hibiki asked.  
  
"No, I just meant the people in this room, jeez."  
  
"You've seen Masashi naked?" Ran gave a dramatic gasp.  
  
"Oh my god. I'm so done."  
  
They laughed and high-fived each other.  
  
Zin rolled his eyes again. "Idiots."  
  
I looked over to Masashi to see that he was smiling. My heart ached watching him. Everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours feels like a dream. I'd never have thought I would actually have the chance to introduce him to my friends here, let alone sleep with him. I would give anything for it to be real.  
  
When I zoned back in, their bickering had ended.  
  
We were all silent again for a while before I broke it.  
  
"Do we know who it was?" I asked.  
  
They all exchanged looks before Ran answered. "It was the same guy who attacked you…"  
  
I see Masashi tense out of the corner of my eye. It probably wasn't the best idea to bring him.  
  
"What?" My voice came out louder than I meant for it to. "I… I thought he was on the ban list?"  
  
Hibiki snorted. "New guy didn't check the list before he let him in."  
  
"Jesus…" I whispered. I shuddered. I knew exactly what that man was capable of.  
  
"Can you guys report this to the police?" Masashi spoke up.  
  
"We can't, since we are an illegal business. If we were just a host club and didn't fuck anybody, then yeah, we could."  
  
Masashi nodded, but didn't respond. Ran's bluntness would probably disturb him before the night, or rather morning, was over.  
  
"Is Mama still here?" I asked after a while.  
  
Ran nodded. "He said he'd be back soon."  
  
I nodded, hoping it was soon. I looked back to Hibiki. "What are you two going to do? Does he need to go to the hospital?"  
  
"I'm not going to the hospital," Zin interjected as Hibiki started to reply.  
  
Hibiki sighed and shrugged. "Is what he keeps saying."  
  
I nodded. I could understand honestly, I hadn't gone to the hospital either.  
  
Eventually Mama graced us with his presence, apologizing over and over about being late.  
  
I introduced Masashi while Ran got him another stool. Before Mama even got the chance to open his mouth, Hibiki spoke up.  
  
"We're quitting," He tightened his grip on Zin.  
  
Zin sighed. "You have no patience."  
  
Hibiki rolled his eyes.  
  
"I don't blame you. I figured you would," Renji blew out a long breath, "I was honestly surprised when Ritsu stayed on."  
  
"Um, that's cause Rit-chan's an idiot," Ran said.  
  
"I'll remember that the next time you want to dress me up, Ran." I couldn't help the smile that came onto my face. I'd always enjoyed Ran.  
  
He frowned. "I meant that in the most loving way possible."  
  
"Who are you kidding, Ritsu? You know you always give into his insistent nagging," Zin chuckled.  
  
I was surprised Zin was up to joking with us, but I don't suppose I should be. Zin was just like that.  
  
"That's very true," I laughed. I'd given in to his nagging almost every time.  
  
"You guys are mean, I don't know why I like either of you," Ran pouted, although he was having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.  
  
"Because we're the only ones who will make sure you don't sleep in your jeans," I winked at him.  
  
"Oh my god, can we drop that already?"  
  
We laughed. Mama looked to us curiously, but Zin cut in before anyone could explain it to him. "You don't want to know, these guys are just idiots."  
  
He smiled and nodded. "Not surprising."  
  
We bickered for several minutes. We were dancing around the important topics, but we were enjoying it nonetheless. But after a while Renji spoke up.  
  
"I'm thinking to close the shop."  
  
No one said anything for a while, maybe we were too stunned to say anything, maybe we didn't no what we could say to that.  
  
Now is as good a time as ever though.  
  
"It's ironic," I smiled.  
  
"What is?" Mama asked.  
  
"I came here for two things. One, to see Zin," I held up two fingers. "And to give my notice. I came here to quit and here you are, firing me."  
  
"You were going to quit?" Ran pouted. "And leave me alone with the boring shift?"  
  
The other shift was not in fact boring, we just never overlapped schedules, much less hung out with them.  
  
"It's time for me to do something else with my life," Was all I said.  
  
"That's my thought exactly," Mama commented. "I knew when I opened this place that this wasn't what I wanted to do forever. And now with what's happened to both Rit-chan and Zin, I think it's a sign that it's time to move on."  
  
I let that sink in. Was it a sign? Maybe. All I know is that I felt relieved, and I wasn't sure why. Was it because it was over? Maybe.  
  
But I knew I would miss them.  
  
"We should all get together once a month," I said after a beat of silence.  
  
"Yes! We have to," Ran lightened up.  
  
I wondered briefly if he was disappointed, but I realized it was probably for the best, for all of us. Ran was the youngest of us. I always wondered what drove him, and the others, to start up in this profession, but I suppose that, too, doesn't matter.  
  
The others muttered their agreement.  
  
We all talked for a while, but eventually it was time to head back home. I went to 'my' room, or at least the room I'd always used, to make sure there was nothing remaining that was mine. I rarely left my stuff here, but I needed to check anyway. Or maybe I needed to say good-bye, as silly as that was.  
  
My job had been an escape from reality, if only briefly, and it was weird to think I wouldn't have that anymore. I would have to find a more healthy way to release my frustration, I guess.  
  
Masashi followed me to the room, neither of us saying anything.  
  
We entered the room, and I paused. I would never be here again, and for some reason that didn't bother me. This room held memories, both good and bad, but I suppose regardless of what it is, all memories help shape you.  
  
I don't know if it helped shape me in a good way or bad way. It didn't matter, at least not right then.  
  
The room was pretty bare, it looked more like a motel room than anything. Bed, lamp, nightstand, random chair in the corner, a bathroom, and a small closet.  
  
I think it took Masashi a moment to realize what he was looking at. When he did he looked to me and pointed to the bed.  
  
"Is this where…"  
  
He didn't finish, but he didn't need to.  
  
I nodded slowly. "If it makes you uncomfortable, you can wait outside."  
  
He nodded, turning to do just that. He closed the door behind him.  
  
I turned back to the room, and decided I should pack up the contents in the drawers and under the sink. I grabbed an empty box from the closet and started with the nightstand drawers.  
  
-  
  
When I had finished packing up the contents of the room, I left the box on the bed. I didn't want or need it. Although I was tempted to keep the purple crop, because come on, it's a purple crop. But I left it.  
  
When I left, closing the door behind me, Masashi wasn't there. That didn't make me feel a little panicky at all.  
  
I peeked my head into the dressing room. Ran was, unsurprisingly, packing up his favorite clothes that Mama had said he could take.  
  
"Have you seen Masashi?"  
  
"I directed him to the bathroom," He glanced at me. "Do you want that V-neck shirt with the net-like-sleeves?" He held it up for me to see.  
  
I was about to say no when I was struck with an idea.  
  
A horrible idea.  
  
"Hey, Ran…" I enter the room.  
  
He looks up from the pile of clothes around the floor. "Hm?"  
  
"Dress me up one last time."  
  
He smiled.  
  
-  
  
When I left the dressing room, I was in very different attire. I was sporting a pair of black leather shorts that were tight enough to be another skin, the shirt I wore was midnight-blue with slits all up and down the sleeves, and a low enough neck-line to show off my collar bone. Ran had a thing for shirts like these, apparently.  
  
To top it off, I was wearing high-heeled boots that came to my knees, also black.  
  
It was a lot… sluttier than I had imagined, but it made sense. I was a slut.  
  
"Go get em," Ran smiled.  
  
I left the room in search of Masashi.  
  
The bathroom was empty.  
  
That left few options.  
  
One, the lounge and bar area.  
  
Two, the club room, which was not a great place for him to end up.  
  
I frequented the lounge, because that's where you went if all you were looking for was a good fuck.  
The club room was more like being in an actual club, loud music, drunk people, dancing.  
  
I didn't go there often, but it was fun when I did. Or I got dragged in by Ran.  
  
But as to be excepted, the lounge was nearly empty, and no sign of Masashi.  
  
The club room was surprisingly packed, for so late in the morning. I'd gotten lucky, then.  
  
The room was full of people, dancing people, drunk people, and as far as I could tell the only escorts here were from the other shift. All together there were eight of us. I didn't know the other four very much at all.  
  
I continued my survey of the room and I eventually spotted Masashi. He was at a table with a group of four, and he looked like he was a trapped animal. He had a drink in his hand, but as far as I could tell he wasn't partaking. I didn't head that way.  
  
I spotted a group of regulars and made my way toward them.  
  
And not just any group, this particular group thought I was the shit, apparently. I had partied pretty hard with them on a few occasions and they always seemed ecstatic to see me.  
  
It was a group of seven, although they seemed to be missing a member. The one that spotted me first was a pretty blonde girl whom's brother I'd slept with a time or two. She was apparently pro gay and adored me.  
  
When she spotted me, her eyes lit up and she smiled, tugging on her brother's shoulder. He spotted me, and then turned to say something to the group.  
  
A few hooted and yelled my name, my escort name, effectively getting the attention of the room. Several others joined in on the cat-calling.  
  
The six of them headed my way.  
  
Blondie, who's name was Sil, which was short for something but I didn't know what, anyway, she shoved a drink into my hand and her brother slapped me on the shoulder.    
  
"Dance for us!" One of them said, another girl.  
  
I shook my head, but I winked at her.  
  
I downed the drink because I was going to need it.  
  
"I'm not going to dance."  
  
I proceeded to the bar, which I managed to get myself onto. Once I was standing on the bar, I asked for the microphone I'd been forced to use on more than one occasion.  
  
Once, with Ran, I had gotten on the bar and danced. I'd been more than a little drunk. The group of seven had been there and that's what started all this. Every time we partied since they demanded that I get on the bar and dance. I'd drawn more attention than I needed by doing so, but whatever.  
  
I took the microphone from the bartender, and as I straightened up to speak I caught Masashi's eye. He was frowning, and he mouthed 'what are you doing'. I looked away.  
  
The crowd of people was waiting and I turned my attention to them.  
  
"I have two things to say before we get started," I started. "First off, most of you know me. Some of you don't. But most of those who do, know me as Hikari. Well tonight I'm going to tell you all my real name. It's Ritsu," I paused and smiled at someone who handed me another drink. I downed that one too. "Second, tonight is my last night here, I'm quitting."  
  
I said night because I wasn't sure if anyone here actually realized it was morning now.  
  
My announcement awarded me with some boo's, awe's and protest. Not all of the people here were after sex, this particular room of people especially. That's what the lounge is for.  
  
I held up my hand and they quieted down. "I know, I know, sad day," I ended up with another drink in my hand. "But that's not what I'm here to say."  
  
"I'm up here tonight to give someone a good time," Someone whistled and I smiled. "There are some people in here that don't know me. As a good-bye present to all of you, I'm going to make sure that when they leave, they know me, and will remember me."  
  
"And to do that, tonight I'm going to give head to someone, here on this bar."  
  
I walked back and forth down the bar as I spoke. Someone slapped my ass as I passed and I winked at him. It was Sil's brother, Jun.  
  
I knew Masashi was going to be pissed as hell at me for this little performance, but at that moment I didn't care. Technically, if Mama hadn't been thinking to close the shop anyway, I would have had to give two weeks notice, meaning I'd have slept with people for the next two weeks.  
  
That's how I justified this. It wasn't like I was fucking anybody.  
  
People were whistling and hollering, the group of six in particular.  
  
"Let's get started," my drink was empty so I took someone else's. "Raise your hand if you've never seen me."  
  
At least eight hands shot up, so as an after-thought I added; "Guys only."  
  
Two hands went down.  
  
I scanned the crowd for a while before landing on a guy not too far from the bar.  
  
He had black hair and dark eyes, and he looked nervous. Definitely a first timer. He looked like he wasn't sure he even wanted to be holding his hand up, but his friend kept him firmly in place.  
  
I smiled and pointed at him. His face was red. His friend pushed him up toward the bar, where he clumsily pulled himself onto a bar stool and then the bar counter.  
  
I raised my glass to the crowd. "Here's to being a slut."  
  
They whooped and laughed.  
  
Once he was standing awkwardly on the bar, I downed my drink before handing it off to someone else.  
  
I made my way to him. Being up close like this made me realize he was a lot younger than I had originally thought.  
  
I smiled reassuringly at him and pulled him to the middle of the bar.  
  
"What's your name?" I asked before holding the microphone up to him.  
  
He swallowed roughly. "Yoshiro…"  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"Twenty-one," He was definitely nervous.  
  
But there was no way. He looked like a younger version of Masashi.  
  
It struck me that that was why I chose him.  
  
"No way. Come on, what's the real answer?"  
  
He looked nervously to his friend, who held his hands up in a 'you're on your own' gesture.  
  
"Hey," I leaned toward him. "Look at me."  
  
He did.  
  
"You're looking at a prostitute. Prostitution is far more illegal than under-age drinking," I winked at him. "No one here cares how old you really are."  
  
He nodded softly and tried to smile, although it looked a little forced. "S-Seventeen."  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "Wow," I addressed the crowd. "Lucky me."  
  
Someone yelled 'not fair'.  
  
"Anyway, down to business," I turned back to Yoshiro. "Is it cool if I give you head?"  
  
He stuttered over a yes, covering his eyes in embarrassment. Even his ears looked red.  
  
I handed the microphone back to the bartender and risked a glance at Masashi. Most of his drink was gone now, and he looked a little dazed. I would most likely regret this later, but I did it anyways, as I usually do.  
  
With the heels on I was a little taller than Yoshiro, so I leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Just relax. You don't have to do anything but stay on your feet."  
  
"I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to manage that."  
  
I lifted his shirt up his chest. "Hold this."  
  
He did.  
  
I sank down in front of him, kind of impressed that I was managing to stay on these heels.  
  
I kept eye contact with him as I ran my hands from where they had been on his shoulders, down his body to his hips. I popped the button of his dark jeans open with my hands before I slid them back to his hips.  
  
I pulled this zipper down slowly with my teeth, which I was rewarded with a whistle from someone in the crowd.  
  
When I had that done, I hooked my hands in both his jeans and underwear and pushed them both done far enough that the crowd could see what we were dealing with.  
  
He was a good size, longer than Masashi, but not as wide.  
  
Fuck. Now I was comparing their dicks.  
  
I refrained from scowling just barely, by busing myself with the task at hand.  
  
I licked him from hilt to tip. I watched as the hand that had been dangling at his side moved to cover his mouth, to suppress the sounds that would surely leak out.  
  
But that was no fun.  
  
I took the tip into my mouth and sucked hard once.  
  
As I took more in, I pulled his hand away from his mouth and directed it to my head.  
  
He took the hint, twisted his hand in my hair roughly, probably rougher than he meant to.  
  
Nevertheless, it turned me on, as it always had, and I moaned around him.  
  
He gasped and his body shuddered. I would bet money he was a virgin.  
  
I came up and swirled my tongue around the tip before moving down and taking all of him that I could. As I moved down someone in the crowd groaned, and the break in silence made me notice that it had grown completely silent, aside from the quiet music that played in the background.  
  
I kept my pace slow, dragging it out.  
  
My tight shorts had become almost unbearably tight and remaining on these heels was becoming impossible. I dropped one knee, so I was no longer on that foot.  
  
I pulled off him and licked hilt to tip again, swirling my tongue around the top. I watched him as I did. The kid was actually pretty hot, and I can't say I disliked the panting state I had him in.  
  
I took him back into my mouth, taking as much as I possibly could in, hollowing my cheeks as I did so.  
  
He moaned gruffly, and his breathing sped up. I figured he was close.  
  
I sped my pace up, flicking my tongue across the head here and there.  
  
Before he came, he tried to pull away, but I held him still. I felt the hot liquid hit the back of my throat and I swallowed around him, continuing my slow pace until I was sure he was done.  
  
I pulled away and wiped the bit of saliva from my chin. I stood and with me I pulled his pants up. He buttoned and zipped them clumsily, a pretty dazed look on his face.  
  
The room erupted in cheers. Red spread across his face once again and he covered his mouth in embarrassment again.  
  
I took the microphone back from the bartender. "Well, that's a wrap," I smirked. "I think he enjoyed it, hm?"  
  
Jun was standing in front of me and he laughed and shouted, "We all did!"  
  
Yoshiro's friend helped him off the bar, giving him a bit pat on the back.  
  
"Do you guys think he'll forget me anytime soon?"  
  
Nobody really answered, they mostly just laughed.  
  
"Alright guys, it was a pleasure as always," I smiled. "Literally. And I'd love to stay any party with you idiots, I gotta get going."  
  
Once the microphone was back in the bartender's hand, I started getting off the bar.  
Jun helped me down. Once I was standing next to him, he grabbed me by the neck and kissed me.  
  
He pulled away as quickly as he started. "We're all gonna miss ya."  
  
The rest of his group joined us as he stepped away from me. They all hugged me, and bid me fair-well. They seemed pretty sad I was leaving. For good this time.  
  
I broke away from them and headed to the table Masashi was still seated at. I smiled at the strangers behind him. "Can I steal him from you guys?"  
  
"After that performance, you can have any of us you want," One of them said.  
  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I turned to Masashi. "Ready?"  
  
He nodded and got up, leaving his drink behind.  
  
He didn't say anything as we made our way to the dressing room.  
  
He didn't say anything on the way to my place either.  
  
He continued in silence until we were in my apartment.  
  
He grabbed his bag from beside the couch and then headed back to the door.  
  
"Are you leaving, then?"  
  
He paused with his hand on the door knob. He nodded.  
  
"Don't you think we should talk about this?"  
  
He didn't look at me as he answered. "About which part?"  
  
I leaned against the wall across from him. "All of it."  
  
"You're going to have to be more specific," He snapped. "Would you liked to talk about how I fucked you and then you decided to suck some stranger's dick on top of a bar?"  
   
I sighed. "Technically, what I did wasn't even part of the deal. I quit, that's what you wanted."  
  
"What I wanted?" He was going to lose it. I knew he was. "What I fucking wanted was you to stop everything connected with the job! The sex, especially, but that also meant dressing up like a skank and seducing people who aren't even old enough to be there!"  
  
"I know," I said it because I did know. I don't honestly know why I decided I had to do it, but I did. Maybe it was a way to cut it off for me for good. Maybe it was a good way to get a small revenge for how unfair Masashi had been with the deal, no matter how much it was what I desired.  
  
"You know?" He said quietly.  
  
"You know?" He yelled it this time, and I didn't realize he'd thrown it until his backpack hit the wall beside me.  
  
I jumped and I felt my eyes widen.  
  
He crossed the short distance between us with quick, angry strides. His hands gripped my shoulders, and he pressed me up against the wall.  
  
"Did I give my virginity to you for nothing, Ritsu?" He was quiet again. "I'm sure my girlfriend will be delighted to hear that it meant nothing."  
  
The next thing we knew was my hand laying across his face. I hadn't thought about it, I'd just done it.  
  
I slid down the wall and put my head in my hands. Tears built up and spilled over.  
  
I felt like he'd stabbed me in the chest with the deal, and now he was twisting it.  
  
It meant nothing.  
  
Maybe that's what hurt most.  
  
"Shit…" I heard him whisper. "Ritsu…"  
  
He attempted to pull me to him but I pushed him away from me.  
  
"Fuck you!" I shouted.  
  
He fell back on his butt.  
  
I stood up. "Fuck you, okay? I've had enough. I've put up with everything you've thrown my way. Do you want to know why?"  
  
He didn't answer. I could tell from his expression that he regretted the words.  
  
"Because I love you. And dammit, sometimes I wish I didn't," My hands balled into fists. "I get that I'm not perfect, far from it. Yes, I fuck strangers. Yes, I dress up like a skank. Yes, I'm a fucking whore. But none of that warrants your cruelty, Masashi.  We aren't together, no matter how much I wish for something like that, I know it isn't possible. I've accepted that. I'll live with that. But I won't let you control me. You don't get to judge me like that."  
  
I don't remember the last time I had yelled at him, or even been angry enough to. "I'm done letting you push me around."  
  
He nodded slowly. "Ritsu… I'm-"  
  
"Don't," I cut him off. "Okay? Just don't."  
  
He stood up and I grabbed his bag. As I handed it to him, he tried to reach out to me, but I stepped back.  
  
"Please just go."  
  
And with a pained expression, he did just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words on this chapter? 
> 
> Fuck if I know. I need to sleep. Yeah, blame lack of sleep y'all. 
> 
> Like I really don't know what happened. Why does this always happen to me? x.x'
> 
> I had a really hard time trying to spell skank. I had to *cough* google *cough* it. That's not a good sign.
> 
> But I like this chapter... It was fun to write, so I hope you guys enjoyed it. 
> 
> (I'm so tired, I just tried to add this without adding the chapter..) 
> 
> I upped the rating to E because of the previous chapter, and then realized it was too late to warn y'all. smh.
> 
> I will hopefully be back with another chapter soon...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanase and Ritsu plays choose the lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one week. This is like a record. Must have been all those yaoi pics my cousin sent as motivation. Well, THEY WORKED AND KEEP UP THE SUPERB JOB.
> 
>  
> 
> Yosh, so this is a shorter chapter. Compared to the last chapter it's boring, but necessary.

  
I took my classes the next day, careful to steer clear of Masashi. I didn't have that many classes with him, so it wasn't all that hard. He didn't try to approach me when we did see each other, and I was fine with that. We both needed some time to cool down.  
  
When classes were finally over I left quickly. I didn't want to go home, so I called the one person that I could talk to this about.  
  
She answered on the third ring. " _Hello?_ "  
  
"Hey, Nanase?"  
  
" _What's up, Ritsu?_ "  
  
"I was wondering if you were busy right now."  
  
" _I'm not, actually._ "  
  
"Awesome," I sighed in relief.  
  
We agreed to meet at another cafe, which wasn't all that far from campus.  
  
When I got there she was sitting at a corner booth, moving a coffee cup in a circular motion. Her long hair is up in a pony-tail, I notice. She spots me and waves.  
  
I sit down across from her. "Hey."  
  
"Hi," She smiles. "I ordered you coffee."  
  
She pointed to the extra cup. I nod. "Thanks."  
  
The coffee is warm, and it helps take the chill from the frosty air outside away.  
  
"So, how have you been?" She asks, although it hasn't been long since we've seen each other. Even if it feels like an eternity.  
  
"I…" I frown. I wasn't entirely sure how I was. "I'm a lot of things, right now."  
  
She pursed her lips. "Is 'good' one of them?"  
  
I stare into my coffee. "I don't think so."  
  
She nods. "If you need to talk about it, you know I'll listen," She winks at me.  
  
"I think that might help," I blow out a long breath. "But I don't want to do it here."  
  
"That's fine. Where then?"  
  
I payed for the coffee, which she protested about. "My place okay?"  
  
She nodded. "I could've paid for that."  
  
"It's too late."  
  
She rolled her eyes.  
  
-  
  
I unlocked the door to my apartment and let us in. She looked around with appreciation.  
  
"Nice place."  
  
It was a pretty nice place. I wasn't sure I would be able to afford it with a normal part-time job though. "Thanks."  
  
I got us glasses of water, and set them on the coffee table. I sat down on the couch across from her, pulling one of my legs up under me.  
  
"So," She moves to face me on the couch. "What happened?"  
  
"I fucked him."  
  
Her eyes widen. "Masashi?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"I thought he was straight?"  
  
"He is," I say, more bitterly than I meant to. Then I tell her everything that happened since I'd seen her two days ago. Him being here when I got home, that morning, the deal, about Zin getting hurt, the bar performance, the fight. All of it.  
  
She was silent for a long time when I finished, pondering it. She sighed eventually. "That's fucked up."  
  
I laughed bitterly. "Which part?"  
  
"Well, the whole thing," She pulled one of the couch pillows onto her lap. "But the deal, mostly."  
  
I sighed. "I gave in too easily. I shouldn't have let it get to that."  
  
She snorted. "You're in love with him. And he took advantage of that."  
  
I didn't want to believe that he would do that, but he had.  
  
"I don't know what to do," My voice cracked and tears built up, threatening to spill over.  
  
"You can disregard my advice, because I can only imagine what you're feeling right now," She leaned her head against the couch. "But isn't he causing you more pain than happiness?"  
  
"I won't stop being his friend," I said it quickly. I knew that even after everything, I wouldn't be able to leave him. "I can't."  
  
"I'm not saying you should. But something has to change, or this cycle with only continue."  
  
She was right, of course. Something did have to change. I quit. I could only hope that when, or if, he forgives me, that he would at least be happy with that.  
  
I wasn't sure how to proceed. I wasn't sure I could go back to being his friend like nothing had happened.  
  
I nodded. "I know. I think I made it pretty clear that I'm done being pushed around."  
  
"I hope so," She smiled, although it was sad. "I'm sorry he did this to you Ritsu."  
  
I felt like crying still, but I did feel better. I guess Nanase just had that affect on me. "Maybe I should never have confessed in the first place."  
  
She shook her head. "I don't think you should regret that. Yes, he's hurt you because of it. But now he knows who you are, who you really are. That's a plus at least, yeah?"  
  
I wasn't so sure. "I think he liked me better before."  
  
"If that was the case wouldn't he have just stopped being your friend? I doubt his feelings as your friend have changed much. He's just more aware of you now. And that isn't such a bad thing."  
  
"Maybe," I shrugged. "He's hard to understand. He's fickle."  
  
She laughed softly. "I'm sure he was fickle well before you confessed. And selfish."  
  
"Yeah, definitely."  
  
"Have you heard anything from him since last night?"  
  
"No," I took a drink of my water. "I'm not sure what to say to him yet."  
  
She nodded. "You'll think of something. Just don't let him push you around anymore, kay?"  
  
I smiled and nodded.  
  
We spent the rest of the day watching movies and hanging out.  
  
-  
  
The week passed, and the weekend brought boredom. I didn't have a job to pass time anymore. I quickly found myself outside. I ended up at the mall eventually, just walking around. I browsed in a few shops but I hadn't brought any money with me, so in the end it was pointless.  
  
I continued this for a few hours, sometimes ending up in the same store more than once. I was absent-minded, not really feeling the clothing slipping through my fingers. I had a lot going through my mind.  
  
Despite what Nanase had said, I was unsure of myself. I blamed myself for this situation. If I hadn't gotten that job, if I hadn't confessed, if I hadn't been careless enough to let him find those rope marks. If I hadn't been seduced so easily. If I wasn't gay.  
  
But I was, I had, and there was no changing it now.  
  
Now I just needed to figure out how to fix it.  
  
Over the past week I had thought about Ishihara quite a bit. I felt incredibly guilty toward her. She didn't deserve what we'd done. Nobody did. She was good to him, she loved him, and I might as well have stabbed her in the back.  
  
I felt horrible.  
  
But I wasn't entirely sure I regretted it, either. I had never thought it would happen at all, especially not like this, and no matter how much I beat myself up over it, it was still something I desired.  
  
I loved him.  
  
I wanted him, in all ways that I could have him. But I didn't want to be a side toy. I'd been a toy for too long, and I wanted more. I wanted someone to dote on, someone to lean on.  
  
I was fighting a losing battle. I knew that.  
  
I opened the door to leave the store, and I came face-to-face with the subject of my guilt. She was passing by the store when I exited it, and with my luck she would have to spot me.  
  
She was connected by the hand with none-other-than the subject of my avoiding techniques.  
  
"Ritsu!" Ishihara let go of Masashi's hand. She made her way to me and hugged me. I hugged her back, all while guilt nagged in the back of my mind.  
  
I made eye-contact with Masashi over her shoulder but I quickly looked away. She pulled back and smiled at me. "I haven't seen you since the party. How have you been?"  
  
I attempted a smile, albeit forced. "I'm alright."  
  
Masashi stopped beside her.  
  
"Masa and I were just doing some shopping," She looked up at him with her large adoring eyes. "Care to join us?"  
  
"No thanks," No way. "I was heading home actually."  
  
"Then join us to eat lunch," She insisted. "We haven't hung out just the three of us in forever."  
  
There was a reason for that. I looked to Masashi for help.  
  
"I'm sure Ritsu is busy, theres always next time."  
  
"Oh, come on, I insist," She smiled. "Just for a bit?"  
  
They looked to me and I shrugged. "I'll join you for a bit, I guess."  
  
I didn't look at Masashi as she directed us into a small place I hadn't been to before.  
  
We sat down in a booth, me across from them.  
  
They both ordered something, but I declined. Despite not eating anything today I was not hungry.  
  
"You aren't going to order anything?" Ishihara asked, twirling one of her short dark hairs around her finger.  
  
"No," I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."  
  
She nodded. "Excuse me, I'm going to go wash my hands."  
  
Masashi got up and let her out of the booth before sitting back down.  
  
"We need to talk," He said quietly. "Can I come over later?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ritsu, we can't put this off forever." He looked defeated and tired.  
  
"I need more time."  
  
"I don't think I can take much more of this," His voice was quiet and I had to strain to hear him. "Please, talk to me. I hate it when you avoid me."  
  
"Is this how you think I wanted things to turn out?" There was a bite to my voice that he definitely caught.  
  
His eyes met mine. "That's.. That's not what I meant."  
  
I knew that. But I was still too on edge from the fight.  
  
I sighed and leaned back in the booth. I wanted to go home.  
  
The days spent with him in ease and laughter seemed so far away. Things had been easy, things had been simple.  
  
"Just… give me a few more days. That's all I'm asking."  
  
"Okay," He gave me a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.  
  
Ishihara returned then and he let her into the booth. "What'd I miss?"  
  
"Nothing, really." Masashi answered.  
  
"Come on," She bumped her shoulder against his. "Surely you guys talk about something in my absence?"  
  
"I was just telling him how lucky he is to have a pretty girl like yourself," I filled in.  
  
Red dusted her cheeks. "Well, what about you?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"No one has caught your eye?" The way she said it made it sound like she had a hard time believing me.  
  
"Not recently."  
  
I spent my time in search of much more obscene things. Like sucking cock on bars. But I couldn't exactly tell her that.  
  
"You must have high standards."  
  
If only she knew how low my standards actually were.  
  
"I should really get going," I attempted to steer the conversation toward my departure.  
  
"How long ago was the last time you dated someone?" She persisted, and if she wasn't so innocent I would be irritated about it.  
  
How long? I had to really think about that. When was the last time I'd dated a girl?  
  
"A couple of years, I guess."  
  
"No way," She gaped. "Who was she?"  
  
Who was she? Did I even remember? I'd dated a handful of girls, but none of them had ever held my interest, for obvious reasons. I wasn't attracted to them.  
  
"Wasn't her name Ayako or something?" Masashi offered.  
  
Ah. Her. "Ayaka," I corrected.  
  
"Why'd you break up?" Ishihara asked.  
  
"Because she'd had enough of my indifference," I didn't blame her. "Is what she said, anyway."  
  
I had been indifferent to her. She had deserved better, just as Ishihara did. But I had wronged them both.  
  
Ishihara let it drop after that, not wishing to dwell on the subject.  
  
"I need to go," I repeated, hoping that I would actually get away this time.  
  
I did, and I quickly found my way back to my apartment, which now held memories I would be better off to forget.  
  
-  
  
I spent the next day with Nanase. I wasn't sure what it was about her that calmed me, but that's how I felt around her.  
  
We spent the day lazing about my apartment, going through my small collection of movies.  
  
"This movie sucks," I said after a while. I had bought it some time ago, and forgotten it existed.  
  
She hummed her agreement. "Let's play guess the lie."  
  
I muted the TV. "Why?"  
  
"Because I said so."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."  
  
She hit me with a pillow. "Don't sound so excited."  
  
"I mean, I would be delighted to, You Majesty."  
  
"That's much better," She laughed. It was a pretty sound.  
  
"You go first."  
  
"I'm bi-sexual," She kept a straight face. "Or I've kissed a gay guy."  
  
I laughed. "You're not suppose to chose something I already know the answer to."  
  
"I know," She twirled a strand of her hair around her fingers, smiling. "I was just making sure you were paying attention. Your turn."  
  
"Does that actually count as a turn?"  
  
She huffed, and told me that yes, it fucking does.  
  
"Okay, okay. I have a deep attachment to this couch pillow, or none of the wishes I've made on stars came true."  
  
She pursed her lips, as she seemed to have a habit of doing. "The first one is a lie."  
  
"You don't think this pillow deserves my unconditional love?" I feigned hurt.  
  
"You're dumb," She rolled her eyes. "My turn. I have a brother or I have a sister."  
  
"I'm going to go with the second one being a lie…"  
  
"Correct, I have a younger brother."  
  
"Score. I got kicked out when I told my dad I was gay, or I have no siblings."  
  
She blew out a long breath. "Shit, man. The second one is the lie?"  
  
"Correct, I have a younger sister."  
  
"Your dad kicked you out?" She sounded disgusted.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, he's homophobic apparently."  
  
"That's harsh. I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be," I was as past it as I could be at this point. "Your turn."  
  
"I think your dad is a douche or I think you're straight."  
  
I chuckled. "I know that one too."  
  
She smiled. "Your turn."  
  
"I think-"  
  
I was cut off by a knock at my door.  
  
"Expecting company?" Nanase asked.  
  
"No," My first thought that it was Masashi. I hoped I was wrong.  
  
I made my way to the door. I opened it.  
  
I was wrong.  
  
The last time I'd seen her face I had yelled at her.  
  
"Ritsu-nii," Her dark eyes are nervous.  
  
"Sasha…" I blow out a long breath. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I want to talk to you," She shifts nervously. "Are you busy right now?"  
  
"Ritsu, who is it?" Nanase joins me at the door.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company. I can come back."  
  
"Don't apologize, you couldn't have known. And you don't have to go." I felt guilty for how I'd snapped at her the last time we met. It wasn't her fault that our father was controlling.  
  
Relief flooded her face, she'd obviously thought I'd turn her away. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, come on in," I stood aside and let her in.  
  
I introduced them.  
  
"I was just leaving," Nanase smiled. She was taller than my sister. "It was nice to meet you."  
  
"You too," Sasha said shyly.  
  
Nanase grabbed her things and I met her at the door. "Thank you," I said. I needed time to repair the damage I'd done. "I'll call you later?"  
  
"You'd better," And then she was gone.  
  
I closed the door and made my way to the kitchen. I poured us water. I gestured for her to sit at the counter. She did.  
  
"Before you say anything," I started. "I want to apologize for the way I treated you the last time we met. It was uncalled for, and I'm sorry."  
  
She shook her head quickly. "No! I… I should be the one to apologize. Dad told me not to see you after you left and I was afraid of what he'd do if I did… I'm sorry. I wished I hadn't listened to him."  
  
"I don't blame you for that. Our father can be unreasonable," I said softly. I hadn't realized until now how much I regretted the way I treated her. Another person I had wronged.  
  
"Still," She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry for the way things turned out."  
  
I shrugged. "I don't blame you for anything that happened."  
  
"I'm glad," She wiped away a tear that cascaded down her cheek. "I was so sure you would turn me away."  
  
"I'm trying not to be a total asshole. Call it a new years resolution."  
  
She laughed. "Those are stupid and no one actually accomplishes it."  
  
"Thanks for the boost in confidence," I smiled, perhaps the most genuine one I'd had in days. When not in Nanase's presence anyway.  
  
"How's mom?" I asked after a while.  
  
"She's good. I think she misses you."  
  
My sister was one thing, but I did blame my mother for some of what happened. Not because she could have stopped him, no one there had that power, but because she didn't even try. I could forgive Sasha more easily, because she had sought me out, begged forgiveness, on top of not really having wronged me. She stopped all contact with me, but she had little choice. As far as I knew, my father had disregarded me all together.  
  
"I missed you," I say, choosing to ignore her statement about our mother.  
  
"I missed you too," She wiped away a few more tears. "So much."  
  
I walked around the counter and hugged her. She gripped me like a lifeline, like I would disappear if she let go.  
  
I didn't blame her.  
  
We stayed like that for a while, just taking in the fact that we were really together again.  
  
She stayed for several hours. We talked about a lot of things, what we'd missed in the past year. I left out the whore part of course, and many other things.  I learned that she had plans to go to college to become an artist, although she still had a couple years to decide.  
  
She asked about Masashi, to which I replied that we were still friends, although we were fighting currently.  
  
She didn't ask about it.  
  
We were walking on eggshells, dancing around each other as if a simple step would break us. But the point was that we were walking in the right direction. Progress had been made, wrongs had been made right, and for the first time in a while I was genuinely happy about something.  
  
Sasha had always been something like sunshine in my life, and I had never realized how dark this year had been without her constant cheer.  
  
Nanase's bubbly-ness reminded me of Sasha, perhaps that's why I was drawn to her in the beginning. Although they were very different people, as that kid Yoshiro was most likely very different from Masashi, there were similarities.    
  
Weird comparison.  
  
But the point was, I had her back. I didn't know for how long, but for now, it was enough.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at this heart-to-heart shit. I'm sorry.
> 
> As always, I hoped you enjoyed and thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visitors are common this week. Nanase has issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THREE IN ONE WEEK (technically this is the beginning of the week so no, I'm wrong but CLOSE ENOUGH)
> 
> Thanks for that RinHaru and other naughty pics, cousin of awesome. 
> 
> This chapter... Have fun guys.

Sasha and I exchanged numbers before she left, and I told her to contact me anytime. She told me she was glad to have me back.   
  
My family had never been the typical happy family, absolutely nothing like Masashi's warm household. When I was younger I remember my father smiling, but as I got older the smiles were no more. Maybe he had been happy once, but you certainly couldn't tell now.   
  
My mother was far kinder than he was, but she was also afraid of him when he got in one of his moods. She didn't stand up to him, ever. Not that she would have been able to change his mind about kicking me out.   
  
Sasha didn't see much of dad when she was young. She didn't know what it was like to hear him laugh and joke. I was glad I at least had small memories of when he had been happy.   
  
As the years past, dad worked more and more, sometimes not coming home from the office at all. It drove a rift between him and mom and eventually they were unable to cross it. While my household had never been as warm as Masashi's, I could say that it had been better than it was now. I only hoped he wasn't too hard on Sasha.   
  
It was a weekday again but I didn't feel like going to class, so I didn't. If I missed something important I'm sure Sion would fill me in.   
  
I spent most of the day sleeping through movies, and occasionally watching a good part of one. I called Nanase at one point and told her what happened with my sister. She was happy for me.   
  
I did my best to spend the day alone without over-thinking anything, and up until my a knock came from my door, I'd been doing pretty good.   
  
I breathed out a long sigh when I saw who it was. I suppose I can't put it off forever.   
  
Masashi didn't say there as we stood there staring at each other.   
  
"Come on in," I left the door open and walked back to the kitchen. He set his bag by the door before coming to sit at the counter.   
  
"You want anything?"  
  
"No thanks," He refused my offer quietly.   
  
I shrugged and poured myself some more coffee. I moved to the couch with the mug in hand and he trailed after me. There was a movie in that was at least half way done, but I had only watched about five minutes total of it. I muted the TV and moved to face him on the couch. He does the same.  
  
"I'm sorry I slapped you,"I say after a while, when it becomes obvious he isn't going to start the conversation.   
  
"I deserved it," He rubs his cheek as if he can still feel the sting.   
  
"That doesn't mean I should have done it." I didn't think anyone deserved to be hit, but I wasn't going to deny that he had been an ass.   
  
He shrugged. "What I did was worse. And I'm so sorry."  
  
I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say yet.   
  
"I keep doing the same thing over and over. I hurt you to defend myself and I hate it. You were right with everything you said, Ritsu. I tried to control you and I judged you in a way I didn't have the right to."  
  
He paused briefly, as if to gather his thoughts. "You're not perfect, and I shouldn't expect you to be, especially when I'm far less than perfect too. I've hurt you so many times and I honestly don't know why you keep forgiving me. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't this time."  
  
"I forgive you because I love you," I leaned my head against the couch and wrapped my arms around my knees.   
  
"It only makes me feel worse when you say things like that," His voice cracked. "Even if you forgive me, I don't think I can forgive myself."   
  
Tears built up and spilled over, giving his dark eyes a glossy look. I was surprised, I hadn't seen him cry in a very long time.   
  
"I feel so guilty," He wiped at his eyes but the tears didn't cease. "Toward you, toward Ishihara. I've wronged you both and I hate myself for it."   
  
My first instinct was to comfort him, to pull him into my arms and tell him things would turn out okay. But I stayed rooted to where I was. "The part that hurt me the most was how you denied it meaning anything," I held up my hand when he opened his mouth. "Because I've had a lot of sex, Masashi. I've been a toy for other's pleasure for a long time, and none of them meant anything. It was just sex. That's it."   
  
I swallowed roughly before continuing. "But my time with you… It meant more to me than I can ever tell you, despite to circumstances of it. And for you to tell me it meant nothing hurt. It made me feel like the toy that I am, and for the first time I hated it."   
  
He flinched.  
  
"I get that you were angry about the performance I put on, that's fine, be angry. I don't care. But don't tell me how I should feel, and don't you dare tell me it meant nothing. Maybe to you it was nothing, and yeah, that hurts, but I can live with that. But it meant something to me and you don't have the right to tell me otherwise."   
  
He nodded. "It didn't mean nothing, Ritsu. And I'm ashamed that I ever said other wise. Something that meant so much to you could never mean nothing to me."  
  
I was relieved to hear him say that, I really was.   
  
"And I know that apologies are just words, but I'll say it as many times as you want."   
  
And for the first time, I saw him break down. He cried and apologized repeatedly, and it tore my heart. He was in as much pain as I was.   
  
When it didn't seem like his apologies would ever stop, I scooted across the couch to him. He had his head in his hands now, and I pulled his hands away. He leaned into me. "Stop," I whispered softly. "You've said enough. It's okay."  
  
He sat up and wrapped his arms around my neck, holding onto me tightly, much like Sasha had done just the day before.   
  
This was an emotional week.   
  
"I'm sorry," He whispered again.   
  
"I forgive you, so stop apologizing already."   
  
"Thank you," His arms tightened around me. "I was so afraid you wouldn't…"   
  
He didn't finish, but he didn't need to.   
  
"Want to watch a crappy movie? I seem to have a lot of them."  
  
He laughed and pulled away. "Sure." He wiped his eyes.  
  
Instead of putting in a movie, I flipped through channels on TV. I stopped on something neither of us had seen and we watched some of it.  
  
During a commercial break I spoke again. "I saw Sasha yesterday."  
  
He seemed surprised. "Really?"  
  
I told him about it. I told him how I never realized how much I missed her.   
  
"I'm glad," He smiled, and it was genuine.   
  
We made small talk for a while, the TV forgotten.   
  
"I'm probably going to have to move," I admitted. I wasn't looking forward to it.   
  
"Why?" He frowned as he met my gaze.   
  
"I can't afford this place with a normal part-time job," I smirked. "The benefits of being a whore."  
  
I'm pretty sure he ignored the second half of my sentence. "That sucks."  
  
I hummed my agreement. "Yeah, but it might be good more me. A new start, you know?"   
  
"New years resolution," He offered.   
  
"Sasha says those are bullshit."  
  
"She's right."   
  
"You guys are great for my confidence," I laughed.   
  
It had been a while since the two of us had just sat around and joked about stupid things.   
  
"How are your parents?" I asked at one point.   
  
He rolled his eyes. "Same as always. They ask about you."   
  
I nodded. I needed to see them again soon. They were great.  
  
My phone started ringing. I grabbed it off the coffee table, the caller I.D read Nanase Is So Beast. I smile every time I see the name. I answer. "I just talked to you, like this morning."   
  
" _Yeah, yeah, I'm needy, what are you gonna do about it?_ "  
  
I laughed. "Your Majesty, how may I assist you? Is that better?"   
  
I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. " _You catch on quickly._ "  
  
"Long live the queen."   
  
" _You didn't need to take it that far._ "  
  
"The queen needs a king so she'll stop bullying me."   
  
" _You can be my king, then._ "  
  
"Ew, no."   
  
She laughed. " _Come on, even a fagtastic man like you thinks I'm hot._ "  
  
"Did you just call me fagtastic?"   
  
Masashi glances at me.   
  
" _You didn't answer the question._ "  
  
"As far as I could tell you were telling me, not asking. And you didn't answer my question."   
  
She huffed. " _Fine, yes, I called you fagtastic._ "  
  
"Where did you even get that?"  
  
" _Off the Internet._ "  
  
"I'm not going to ask what scary things you get into on there."   
  
" _Please don't, it could get awkward._ "   
  
"Oh dear, seems the queen is quite obscene behind the curtains."  
  
" _Oh, shut up. Are you busy right now?_ "  
  
"I have company, so yes."   
  
" _Your sister?_ "  
  
"No."  
  
" _Masa-fucking-shi?_ "  
  
"You're very nosy."   
  
" _Hmmm, try not to bang the straight guy._ "  
  
"If I was going to, I wouldn't try. I would just do it."   
  
" _I have to go, because theres now an interesting image in my head and I have to go soap my brain._ "  
  
"Oh god. That sounds incredibly unpleasant and disturbing."   
  
" _Not as disturbing as you sucking his-_ "  
  
"Nanase."  
  
" _Too far?_ "  
  
"I'm gonna go now," I hung up before she could say anything worse. I smiled, she was really something else.   
  
"Was that the girl from the party?" Masashi asked. He sounded hesitant.   
  
"Yeah, it was."   
  
"You guys sound close."  
  
I chuckled. "You could say that. She's… incredible strange. She's funny."   
  
He nodded. "She seemed like a nice girl."   
  
"I'm not sure I'd go as far as 'nice', she's more like… a leech."  
  
"A leech?" Confusion swept across his face.   
  
"I don't think I could get rid of her if I tried," I put my phone back on the coffee table. "I guess it's a good thing I like her."   
  
"That's the weirdest description I think I have ever heard."   
  
"She's prettier than a leech though," I smiled. "Thank god."   
  
"She knows you're gay then?" He paused. "You don't have to tell me anything. I'm just curious."   
  
"She does. I've pretty much told her everything there is to know about me," I admit.   
  
He nods but doesn't say anything.   
  
"Does that make you mad?" I ask softly.   
  
"No," He hold my gaze. "I'm actually glad you have someone to talk to."   
  
I blew out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "Thanks."   
  
"My new years resolution can be not to be an asshole," He smiled.   
  
"Those are bullshit, remember?"   
  
"It's worth a try at least, don't you think?"   
  
"Anything to improve yourself is worth a try."   
  
He agreed. He started flipping through the channels. After a while he seems to give up on finding anything interesting and settle for the cartoon channel. Somehow that seemed to hold our attention better than the previous movies we attempted to watch.   
  
All in all, I felt better about our situation. Our wounds would heal, as long as we didn't pick at the scab. We would move on.  
  
"Sometimes I think it would have been better not to have confessed at all," I said after some time.   
  
His head snapped my way. "No, no, I don't want you to regret that."   
  
I didn't look at him. "My feelings just burden you."   
  
"No," He interjected, nearly cutting me off. "Your feelings are not a burden, Ritsu. And I'm sorry that I made you feel that way."   
  
I shook my head but remained silent.   
  
"Hey," He leaned toward me. "Look at me."   
  
I did, albeit reluctantly.   
  
"Even when I was mad I never once thought of your feelings as a burden. You are my best friend, and I do love you. Not the way you want me to, I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate your feelings for me. Okay?"   
  
There was a desperation in his words. I nodded. "Okay."   
  
His words helped, but I wasn't sure the doubt would ever entirely dissipate. Not just doubt about this, but doubt about nearly every decision I've made in the past year. There was a lot of things I regretted, but I couldn't change any of that now.   
  
He seemed content enough with my response and he let it drop after that.   
  
"What did you think of my co-workers?"   
  
"The blonde, was it Rin?" He asked.  
  
"Ran," I corrected.  
  
"Ran. He seemed like an entertaining guy."   
  
I laughed. "Oh, you have no idea."   
  
"The guy I've met before seems quiet and pretty observant. And Zin seemed pretty alright after getting… Well, you know. He seemed like he a nice guy."   
  
I hummed my agreement. "I think he was more shook up than he let on."   
  
"Were you?" He asked. "When it happened to you, I mean."   
  
I held his gaze for a while. "Yeah, I guess. I mean…" I decided against the sentence. "Never mind."  
  
"You can tell me," His voice was soft. "New years resolution, remember?"   
  
I smiled despite myself. "I don't think it hit me as hard as it did Zin, because I already knew what he was like. I'd fucked him a handful of times and I already knew he was rough. I was pretty pissed that he took my money though."   
  
"He took your money?"   
  
"From the previous client," I shrugged. It was weird talking to him about something related to my job without him getting all bent out of shape.   
  
"Dick."  
  
I laughed bitterly. "You have no idea."   
  
"His touch always disgusted me," I shuddered at the memory of his hands on my body.   
  
I had been avoiding the thought of Zelch, or whatever the hell his name was, since hearing he'd gotten his hands on Zin. I was one thing, but Zin?   
  
"Why do you think he went after Zin?" Masashi didn't respond to my previous statement, but then again, what could he say?  
  
But I had a pretty good idea of why he had done it. "To get to me, most likely. That's what I keep thinking, anyway."   
  
He blew out a long breath. "This wasn't your fault."   
  
Wasn't it though?  
  
I shrugged. "I just keep having this feeling that he'll find me eventually."   
  
"You think he could?"   
  
"I don't know. It's possible, I guess. He's cunning enough," I shivered. The thought was unnerving. I could only imagine what he'd do if he did get his hands on me again. "Let's change the subject."  
  
Masashi nodded, although he seemed worried. I couldn't really blame him. I was kind of worried too.  
  
"You know, I was honestly surprised that Hibiki and Zin didn't quit a while before this," I said.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because they've been an item for a while now, and I know how possessive Hibiki is of Zin," The other night only served to add to his possessiveness, and I doubted Zin would be let out of his sight anytime soon. That thought at least made me feel a little better.   
  
"I was wondering if they were together or not," Masashi said. "I can't imagine… sharing like that."   
  
"I can."  
  
He stared at me and nodded sadly. "Ritsu, I-"   
  
"Dude, I swear, if you apologize one more time I'm going to beat you." I wink. "And not the erotic kind."   
  
"Oh my god," He hid his face in his hands, although it didn't help hide the blush that he was sporting.   
  
We turned the TV off and moved to the kitchen at one point. He returned to the chair at the counter and I poured us some orange juice. I needed to go to the store soon, I was pretty much out of everything.   
  
He was watching a video on his phone when I rounded the counter. He chuckled at whatever he was watching on screen, so I stepped onto the bottom of the stool  and watched over his shoulder.   
  
I never found out what he was watching, when my chest brushed his shoulder he tensed up. He turned to look at me at the same time that I turned to look at him. And we were… really close.   
  
We retained eye-contact for a moment before his gaze moved down to my lips, and that's when I stopped thinking.   
  
His lips were soft against my own. I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, and he responded by deepening the kiss.  He was a good kisser, albeit a little clumsy. Not that I cared.   
  
About as fast as I stopped thinking, by some miracle I started thinking again. I jerked away from him, nearly falling as I slipped off his stool and colliding with the stool behind me. His fingers wrapped around my upper arm and held me upright.   
  
"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I shouldn't have done that."  
  
He stared at me for a while before he did anything. What he did wasn't what I expected, you could say.   
  
He jerked me to him while his other hand tangled itself in my hair. Then his lips were on mine. I wasn't complaining.   
  
He slid off his stool before he lifted me off the ground. It was a familiar sensation. I kissed his jawline and made my way down to his neck.   
  
Unlike previously, I was thrown onto the bed this time. Still not complaining.   
  
My pants were stripped of me before he started on his own. I grabbed lube and a condom, slicking my fingers and doing a rather half-assed job of preparing myself.   
  
By the time his pants hit the ground I decided, fuck it, good enough. I stripped my own shirt off, before ripping open the condom packet. I slid it on him with quick fingers. I managed to spread some lube over him before he was settled between my legs.   
  
He didn't hesitate this time as he slid in me, burying himself in a swift motion.   
  
It hurt, but the burning sensation was familiar, welcome even. Especially from him.   
  
So, I didn't complain when he started moving, even knowing I would be sore come morning.   
  
In the morning we may come to regret this, but for tonight I could pretend he was mine.  
  
  
  
I woke up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY, NOT SORRY.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran brings stuff, that stuff causes events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. *shrugs*

There was insistent beeping that didn't stop. I slammed my hand down on my alarm clock, probably a lot more violently than I needed to. The beeping stopped.   
  
I sat up in bed and stretched. The next thing I processed was that I was alone.  
  
A sinking feeling washed over me, and I tried to not let it consume me.   
  
The feeling of waking up alone was all too familiar, and it was the first time I realized how much I hated it.   
  
Seeing as it was almost seven I could only assume he'd left during the night.   
  
That made me feel like a whore all over again, something to be used and tossed aside. But I suppose there was more truth to that than I was likely to admit.   
  
I trudged out of bed, throwing on a pair of pajama pants. I made my way to the kitchen and as I passed the catch-all drawer, I realized what I wanted. I dug through the drawer until I found the forgotten packet of cigarettes that I hadn't touched in forever. I quit smoking almost a year and a half ago, but I still had this pack for some reason. I hadn't really enjoyed smoking all that much so it had been easy enough to quit. It helped me calm down normally, so I hoped it would this time too.   
  
After much searching I found a lighter. I stuck the poison stick between my lips and lit the stupid thing. Later I would be pissed that my apartment spelled like smoke.   
  
I started rummaging through my cabinet for coffee grounds, I was dangerously low now. I needed to go to the store.   
  
"I thought you quit smoking."   
  
"Holy fuck!" I yelled, jumping away from the counter and effectively taking down half of it's contents with me. By some miracle I hadn't dropped the cigarette in my other hand.   
  
I was met with a very amused set of dark eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you."  
  
"Jesus," I ran a hand through my hair. He hadn't left. "Don't do that to me."   
  
"Sorry," He smiled. He definitely wasn't sorry. I noticed his hair was wet.   
  
My hand was shaky as I brought the cigarette back to my lips, but not because of the near heart attack he'd tried to give me. I hadn't realized how much him leaving had bothered me until I realized he hadn't. I'd felt numb, but now I was feeling intense relief.   
  
"I thought you quit?" He repeated.  
  
"I did," I took a long draw of the stupid thing and blew it out.  
  
"Then what is that?" He looked amused.  
  
"I only smoke when I need to," I was avoiding the question and he knew it.  
  
"And when is that?"  
  
"When I'm emotional."   
  
"When you are emotional?" His smile widened a little. "What are you, on your period?"  
  
I might have laughed if I wasn't feeling a whirlwind of emotions. I couldn't even pinpoint which one I was feeling most.   
  
"I…" I was choking up and it pissed me off. "I thought you'd left."   
  
"Oh," His smile disappeared. "Jesus. I'm sorry. I didn't think you would wake up before I was done in the shower. You were pretty out of it."   
  
"My alarm woke me up." I was going to murder the thing.   
  
He crossed the short distance between us. "Hey, stop crying. I'm right here."   
  
I touched my cheek to confirm, I was indeed crying. I hadn't even noticed it start.   
  
"I wouldn't leave you like that, Ritsu. New years resolution, remember?"  
  
I laughed through the tears. "Those never last."  
  
He smiled. "They almost always last twenty-four hours. It's been less than that."   
  
He took the cigarette from me and put it out. I protested weakly.  
  
He looked hot with wet hair. I wiped my eyes but the tears didn't stop. It pissed me off a little. "I'm… I feel relieved. That you didn't leave. I woke up alone and I…" I trailed off.  
  
"I know," He hugged me. "I'm sorry."   
  
I pulled away and started putting the things I spilled back into the cabinet. Aside from what I needed to make coffee anyway. My tears dried up eventually.   
  
"This morning is stressful. Let's go back to bed," I said.  
  
He laughed softly. "That's tempting but I…" He trailed off and his smile faded. He suddenly looked guilty.   
  
"You what?"   
  
"I um… Made plans for today before I came over," He rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
I could guess with whom his plans were. My heart sunk. "With Ishihara?"   
  
He nodded. I poured us coffee.   
  
"I'm sorry about last night," I said. "I shouldn't have done that."   
  
"It takes two people to have sex, Ritsu," He grimaced after taking a sip of his coffee. "You aren't entirely to blame."  
  
I dug into the fridge and handed him some creamer. He didn't like black coffee. "I shouldn't have started it."  
  
He thanked me for the creamer. "Well I sure as hell ended it, didn't I?" His voice was bitter, but the anger wasn't directed toward me, but rather himself.  
  
"Let's just forget it happened," I suggested. Like hell I would forget, but it might make him feel better.  
  
"No," His reply was quick, and it surprised me how determined he sounded. "No, that isn't fair to you. I won't run from this just because it's the easier option. I don't know what the hell to do about this but we are going to figure it out together, okay? I don't want you to feel like a toy. Because you're not."  
  
I hadn't realized how much I craved those words until he said them. I offered to forget about because I didn't want him to be burdened with my feelings all over again, but he'd managed to say words I needed to hear. "Okay," I said softly.    
  
"Is your… body okay?" Red spread over his cheeks while he rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
I choked on my coffee and coughed. His blush deepened.   
  
"Uhm," Had anyone ever asked me that? "Yeah. I'm fine."   
  
I would take being sore if it meant he'd fuck me again.   
  
Whoa whoa, brain, no. There was no 'again'. There would be no next time. This shouldn't have even started in the first place.   
  
"Good," He said.   
  
"I'll be right back," I said. I returned to my bedroom, where I put on a shirt and jeans and grabbed my phone. I had a text message from Ran that arrived sometime last night.   
  
(I have some stuff for you from the shop. If you don't come get it, I'll be forced to come find you.)  
  
I rolled my eyes. I was pretty sure he just wanted me to take clothes he was convinced looked good on me. I text him to call me whenever he woke up, assuming he wasn't.   
  
I went to the bathroom and washed up, reminding my reflection that I could always go back to bed. It was tempting.  
  
When I returned to the kitchen Masashi was sitting at the counter. He looked up when I came in. "What are you doing today?"  
  
"I'm not sure yet," I shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I don't have class today."   
  
Even if I did, I wasn't planning to go today. But I was ninety-percent positive I didn't. It pissed me off that I didn't even need to be out of bed yet. "Maybe I'll go see what Ran wants…" I was talking more to myself than him.  
  
"He called you?" He asked.  
  
"He text me at some point during the night," I answered. I plugged my phone into the charger at the counter, since I hadn't gotten to it last night for obvious reasons. "Said he had some stuff for me."   
  
"What do you think it is?"   
  
"Clothes, most likely."  
  
"Clothes like…" He paused. "What you wore the other night?"  
  
"Most likely," I could almost guarantee that would be the only kind of clothes he would ever give me.   
  
"What are you going to do with them?" He looked skeptical. "Now that you don't work there, I mean."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure Ran will drag me along with him and make me wear them, sooner or later. He has always enjoyed dressing me up," I explained. "And himself…" I added, recalling the various outfits I'd seen him in. The maid outfit.  
  
"He picked your clothes the other night?"   
  
I hummed. "Yeah, that's why they were more… exposing than I would have otherwise worn." I figured exposing was a better choice of word than slutty.   
  
"I'd never thought I would see you wear something like that," He said.   
  
"Neither did I."  
  
There was a beat of silence. His voice was soft when he spoke again. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"I don't know," I sighed. "I just decided I needed to do it, I guess. I knew it was a bad idea, but as usual, I did it anyway."  
  
"You've always been stubborn," He shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
  
He smiled. "That poor kid."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Poor thing, my ass. He liked it."   
  
"He's probably mortified for life."  
  
It felt weird, joking with him about how I'd sucked some random kid off. "Good, maybe he won't go to anymore bars until he's of age."  
  
He shrugged again. "I'm sorry I freaked out about that. It wasn't-"  
  
"Stop apologizing," I interjected. "I've already forgiven you."  
  
He nodded and we stood in silence for a few minutes.   
  
"I need to go," He said after a while. "I have to stop by the house for a while before I…"   
  
He trailed off. I nodded. "Okay. Tell your parents I said hey."   
  
"Will do." He grabbed his bag and we walked to the door. I didn't want him to go. But the reality was that he wasn't mine, and he would never be. I may have had him for a night, but in the morning he belonged to her.   
  
"I love you," I blurted out before I realized I wanted to say it. "Sorry, I just… needed to say that."   
  
He paused with his hand on the door knob, and blew out a long breath. "Ritsu, I…" He paused again, as if searching for the right words. But there were no right words.   
  
"You don't have to say anything, Masashi. I know how you feel. It's okay."   
  
"I'm sorry." His eyes met mine and there was a sadness in them.   
  
"I know."  
  
And then he left.  
  
-  
  
Ran called me a couple hours later. " _Hey, Rit-chan._ "  
  
"Hey, what's up?"  
  
" _I just woke up, actually. I have stuff for you. If you give me your address I'll bring it to you later._ "  
  
I had a feeling he wanted my address more so that he could drag me away and to bring me stuff. Nevertheless, I gave him my address and we said our good-byes.   
  
I text Nanase after a while. (I fucked up.)  
  
She replied almost immediately. (You fucked him, didn't you?)  
  
(Yeah.)   
  
A few minutes went by, she called me.   
  
"Hello." I answered, preparing for a scolding or something.  
  
" _Tsk tsk, even after I told you not to._ " Were the first words out of her mouth.  
  
"I know."  
  
" _Was it good at least?_ "  
  
I was silent for a moment before I sighed. "Yeah, it was."   
  
" _Well that's a plus. I guess. A plus inside a negative. Does that make it positive or negative overall?_ " She debates.   
  
"Negative," I reply. "Most likely."   
  
She sighed. " _I figured. Are you okay?_ "  
  
I blew out a long sigh. Was I? "Probably not."   
  
" _Do you want me to come over?_ "   
  
"I'm expecting company, but you're welcome to come anyway."  
  
She hung up after assuring me she would be there shortly.  
  
She knocked on the door not half an hour later, wearing jeans and a blue sweater.  
  
"Hey," I greeted her. "Come on in."  
  
She came in. "Hey." She gave me a quick hug.   
  
"Make yourself at home." I say, knowing that's exactly what she'll do.   
  
She does, dropping her purse on the coffee table and plopping onto the couch.   
  
I close the door and join her on the couch. The TV was already on, but I grabbed the remote and unmated it. It was a random show that didn't hold my attention.   
  
"Who are you expecting?" She asked, pulling a hair tie off her wrist and pulling her hair into a pony-tail. A lock of hair that isn't quite long enough falls forward and frames her face.   
  
"Ran, my co-worker. Or ex co-worker. You'll like him."   
  
"Sweetness." She smiles. "So where is you know who?"  
  
"He left this morning," I answer. "He has plans with Ishihara today."  
  
She twirls her pony-tail around her fingers. There was anger in her voice as she spoke. "That's spectacular."   
  
I shrugged. "I started it. I'm as much to blame as he is."   
  
"You don't have to defend him, you know," She paused, her voice quieter when she spoke again. "You don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt."  
  
"I…" She was right about one thing, it did hurt. But I couldn't let myself break down, and I had a feeling that I would if I let myself stop pretending. "I don't know what to do."  
  
I defended him because I loved him, and because he seemed as lost as I did. He may have been wrong and cruel with the deal, but I was no better than he was. Neither of us were perfect.   
  
"I'm mad at him," She was scowling.  
  
I almost smiled. "I can see that."   
  
My door bell rang, and I hopped up, opening the door to reveal a blonde brat. He had box in his hands and I took it from him, inviting him inside. "Hey, Ran."  
  
"Hey, Rit-chan, good to see ya." He came in and waved at Nanase. He turned back to me and pointed at her.  "I didn't know you were bi?"  
  
I chuckled. "I'm not. She's a friend. Nanase, this is Ran. Ran, this is Nanase."  
  
She gets up to shake his hand but being who he is, he pulls her into a hug. "Rit-chan, this is great," He said, pulling away from her. "You have a friend."  
  
Nanase laughed.   
  
"That's rude," I scoffed. "I have a few friends."  
  
"Like three?" He corrected. "Me, and her, and Zin slash Hibiki?"  
  
"Zin slash Hibiki?" I frowned. "That makes four, Ran. And I actually have two other friends too." I grinned like I was proud of that.   
  
"No, it's three because Zin and Hibiki are a pair. Have you ever seen one without the other?" He paused. "No, so it's three. And who?"  
  
"Whatever," I gave in to his 'logic', because he always won. "And Masashi and Sion."  
  
"I don't know Sion, so no, he doesn't count. And Masashi's not your friend, he's your crush, that doesn't count."   
  
I rolled my eyes, not commenting on how he knew that. "Your logic is so off."  
  
Nanase laughed, grinning as she spoke. "It makes perfect sense to me."  
  
Ran smirked. "See? She gets me."   
  
"She's the only one," I take my place back on the couch and they trail after me. Ran sits beside me, grabbing the remote and changing the channel like it was his own. Nanase sat next to him, one leg up under her.   
  
"You guys want pizza or something?" I ask after a while.   
  
"Hm, let's order chinese!" Ran bounced in his seat like it was the greatest idea ever.   
  
Nanase hummed her agreement, so that's what I ordered. We talked and chatted casually for a few hours, only pausing to eat, before they departed, leaving only a few minutes from each other. Nanase left last. "I like him," She smiled. "He's funny."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, he's something, that's for sure."  
  
"Well, I'll see you later. Keep me updated on things with you know who."  
  
"Will do."   
  
She left after giving me a quick hug.   
  
-  
  
After they left it was late afternoon and I decided it was time to job hunt.   
  
I applied at a couple places, as a waiter mostly. All I had to do was wait to hear back from them. I wasn't fond of the idea but I sucked it up. My days as a whore were over and it was time to move on to something socially… acceptable.   
  
I also started looking for another apartment, something cheaper and a little smaller. I also hated the idea of having to move but it wasn't like I would have a choice. If I couldn't afford it, I couldn't afford it. That was that.   
  
I didn't hear from Masashi that night, and that was fine. I think we both needed a little time, but this time I wouldn't avoid him.   
  
The next day, I did have early class. I attended like a good student.  
  
After class, on my way out of the building, I ran into a jock. Literally.   
  
My things hit the floor and scattered but before I could bend down to grab them he had me by the front of my sweatshirt. I like this sweatshirt.   
  
"Watch where you're going, kid."  
  
I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. I just wasn't good with people like him, just didn't have the filter for it. Or maybe I wasn't smart enough to keep my mouth shut. "Sorry, I didn't see your wall of muscle."   
  
I had been trying to get out of a side exit that hardly anyone ever used, because it was a shorter distance to my apartment and I was lazy. So, when I said I wasn't very smart, I was pretty accurate.   
  
One, no one was around. Two, there were two of them. Although the one that had a hold of my shirt looked a lot bigger and could probably take me himself. Okay, not probably, he definitely could.  
The other one just smirked as he looked on.   
  
"What was that?" He raised an eyebrow.   
  
He wasn't very attractive, I decided. "I complimented your large muscles. Too bad they don't make you prettier."   
  
Yeah, bad move Ritsu.  
  
He punched me hard enough to knock me on my ass, and then he kicked me in the ribs once. It hurt like hell, but I had pretty much brought it on myself. His buddy laughed.   
  
"Idiot." He muttered gruffly. They walked away after that.   
  
I sat up and groaned, grabbing the few books and papers together that I had dropped. I stood up and exited the building, heading back to my apartment.   
  
-  
  
I woke up the next morning on the couch, where I had been watching TV.  
My ribs and cheek hurt. I got up and went to the bathroom, catching myself in the mirror. My left cheek was bruised a dark shade of purple. I lifted up my shirt, my side was bruised but it wasn't bad. My cheek looked and felt worse.   
  
I made coffee and ate a quick breakfast. After that I grabbed a plastic bag, which I filled with ice. It was kinda late to stop the bruising, but I hoped it would help with the swelling at least.   
  
With my luck I shouldn't have been surprised when there was a knock at my door. Fucking awesome.   
  
With my ice to my cheek, I answered the door. It was Masashi. Double awesome.  
  
"Hey," I muttered. "Come on in."  
  
He did, with a frown. "What happened to your cheek?"  
  
"I did something really stupid." I sighed.  
  
"Which was?" He grabbed my hand and pulled it away from my cheek, revealing the lovely purple color it had turned. "Jesus, who hit you?"   
  
"I, um… Mouthed off to the wrong person, basically," I pulled the ice back to my cheek. "It was really stupid."  
  
"Somebody hit you for that?" He sounded disgusted, although I don't know why. He knew as well as I did that some people would hit you for a lot less.   
  
I chuckled and shrugged. "If I'd been smart I'd have just kept my mouth shut, but I wasn't. So I got hit. It's not a big deal, I've had worse."  
  
His frowned deepened. "What'd you say to him?"  
  
"I basically called him a homely wall of muscle…" I shrugged again, trying not to smile. It was really so stupid.  
  
"You…" He raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"  
  
I gave in and smiled. "Like I said, I asked for it."  
  
"I wouldn't go that far, but that really wasn't smart." He said, a smile creeping onto his face.  
  
He sat down at the counter and I poured him some coffee, sliding it and the creamer across the counter to him. He thanked me.   
  
"I didn't know you were coming or I'd have left some breakfast for you."   
  
"That's fine, sorry I came unannounced," He apologized, taking a sip of his coffee.   
  
"No worries. Is there a reason you stopped by?" I asked, leaning against the counter.   
  
He shook his head. "Not really."   
  
I smirked. "Miss me that much?"   
  
He just rolled his eyes. "What are your plans for the day?" He asked instead.   
  
I glanced at the clock on the wall. "I have class later today, so I was thinking I'd do nothing until then."  
  
He nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Have you looked into getting a job?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. I applied at a couple places and I'm just waiting to hear back now."   
  
"Well, good. That's good." He looked relieved, but I don't know why.  
  
We moved to the living room where we watched TV for a while. We didn't say much of anything but the silence didn't bother me. He laughed at something the guy on TV said, but I wasn't paying attention to what was happening on screen. I got up off the couch and went back to the bedroom and changed out of my pajamas. I put on a dark pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt.   
  
I rejoined Masashi on the couch, where I actually paid a bit of attention to whatever show he had on. After a few minutes he pointed at the box Ran had brought, that I had forgotten about and left next to the coffee table. "Are you packing stuff already?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nah, I'm putting that off as long as possible. That's the stuff Ran had for me."  
  
I hadn't gone through the box yet, so I had no idea what all he'd thrown in. Masashi grabbed the corner of the box and slid it toward the couch. He started opening it.   
  
"Fair warning," I said. "I have no idea what's in there. Enter at your own risk."   
  
He nodded and finished opening the box. It was only half full. I slid closer to him on the couch and peered inside. He picked up the first piece of clothing, which unsurprisingly was the v-neck shirt with the net-sleeves. He loved that one for some reason.   
  
The next piece was a short black leather skirt that I hadn't never seen or wore. Not surprising, there had been a lot of clothes there. Masashi dropped it on the floor with the shirt.  
  
The next piece was in a bag, probably a set of some kind. Masashi started taking it out of the bag and I quickly recognized what it was before he even had it unfolded.   
  
"Oh jeez," I rolled my eyes. Of course.   
  
It was a slutty maid outfit, much like the one Ran had worn himself not so long ago. It came with a pair of black heels, a long burgundy red wig, and white-see-through stockings.   
  
"Is this…"   
  
"Yeah, it is. He always tried to get me to wear that." I never had.   
  
Masashi set those down too. There were a few more things in the box, and at the bottom was something relatively familiar. The purple crop.   
  
"He would insist on me keeping that one… I'm pretty sure we were both drunk when I bought that," I explained to Masashi's questioning gaze.    
  
"You're into… crops and stuff?" He asked hesitantly. He probably didn't want to know, but curiosity always killed the cat.  
  
"I was into anything I was paid to be into," I took the crop from him and spun it around in my hands.   
  
He nodded, although he looked pretty uncomfortable. He started stuffing stuff back into the box, before his hand stilled on something. He caught my gaze. "Put this on," He said, holding out the maid outfit and all it's accessories.   
  
I wrinkled my nose. "No thanks."  
  
He smiled. "Come on, just this once."  
  
I gave him a disbelieving look. "You seriously want me to wear that?"  
  
He nodded.   
  
I took the damn outfit and went to the bathroom. I set it on the counter and threw off the clothes I'd just put on.   
  
First, I slipped on the pair of black lace panties. Then I held up the outfit, noticing it had fake boobs set in it. I pulled the damn thing over my head and adjusted it, it was pretty tight. It exposed my back from my shoulders down the base of my spine. There was a tie that kept it tight enough that it wouldn't slip off my shoulders and I struggled for a moment before I finally got it tied. It was a really short outfit.   
  
Next, I slipped on the see-through stockings, and those stopped about mid-thigh, with white lace stuff at the end. I slipped into the heels, they weren't very high. Not nearly as high as the ones I'd worn on the bar.  
  
I tied the apron on before I pulled the wig on, the reddish hair falling to my waist. I scowled at my reflection in the mirror. I did admit though, the boobs looked good. I actually looked like a chick.   
  
I left the bathroom, Masashi looked back when he heard the heels across the hard-wood floors. His mouth slipped open and I smirked. Yeah, drool bitch. That's what you get for making me wear this.   
  
I rounded the couch where he still sat and stopped in front of him, putting on hand on my hip. "Well?"  
  
He opened his mouth but no words came out. He raised his eyebrows, and when he finally found his voice he spoke. "You… Don't even look like a guy."   
  
"Right? I mean look at these tits," I joked. I grabbed them with both hands. "Holy shit, these actually feel like boobs."  
  
He frowned. "How would you know?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I dated girls before I knew I was gay, Masashi. Just because I wasn't interested in them doesn't mean I didn't… try things," I explained. "No, but seriously, feel these."   
  
I moved forward so that he could. He sighed and leaned forward. I grabbed his hands and guided them to my magnificent tits. He frowned. "Wow. They do. That's so creepy."  
  
I laughed. "I'm so glad I never wore this."  
  
He smiled, hands still on my, well not my but you get the point, boobs. "You're kind of a hot red head."  
  
I smirked and lifted on leg, so it was resting on couch beside him. "These stockings are pretty hot too."  
  
He moved one hand to my thigh, running his hand over the soft fabric. Fuck, this was going in a direction it shouldn't.  
  
He ran his hand farther up, my breath hitched when he slipped his hand under the black fabric of the dress and cupped my ass. Fuck. He pulled me forward with that hand, until I was on my knees, straddling his lap. He grabbed a handful of the red hair. "The hair feels real too."  
  
I nodded, not trusting my voice with his hand palming my ass. My breathing was accelerating, and I was quickly becoming very aroused.   
  
"Untie the apron," His voice had a commanding edge to it, and it was fucking hot.   
  
I did as I was told, moving my hands behind my back and pulling the white strings, before moving onto the one behind my neck. Once I'd done that, he pulled it away from me and threw it off to the side.   
  
His hand slid up a bit further, hooking his finger in the lace panties and started tugging them down as far as he could without me having to get up. "Do you have lube out here?" He asked huskily. I had a feeling he didn't really want to move. So instead, I took his hand and sucked on his fingers. I maintained eye-contact, coating his fingers with my saliva. He shuddered and a soft groan slipped past his lips.   
  
I released his fingers and he pulled me closer to him. His now-slick fingers found my entrance and he pushed both fingers in. I shivered and closed my eyes. He pushed them in and scissored them, before he curled his fingers.   
  
I moaned softly, my hands gripping his shoulders tightly. He added a third finger, the burning sensation was brief as he stretched me. I suppressed the urge to rock back on his fingers. I wanted more, I wanted him. "It's enough."  
  
He met my gaze and nodded. A soft whine escaped my lips as his fingers slipped out of me.   
  
I lifted up enough that he could undo his pants, which reminded me of something I'd seen in the box. I stood up for a moment while he pulled his pants off, and I slipped out of the lace panties. Then, I grabbed a small box out of the large box. I smiled. The stupid grape flavored condoms I'd bought at the same time I'd bought the purple crop. I grabbed one out of the box, dropping the condom box onto the floor. I tore the packet and pulled it out, before I walked over to him. I slipped it on with ease, before I returned to straddling his lap.   
  
I reached around behind me and wrapped my fingers around his head, guiding him until he was pushing into me. Then I returned my hand to his shoulder. I sank down slowly and his body shuddered again under mine. A moan slipped past his lips, but I muffled it as I covered his mouth with my own.   
  
Masashi wrapped an arm around my back and I didn't register that we were moving until my back hit the couch. His mouth covered my own again, slipping his tongue inside.   
  
He started moving, one of his hands on my thigh. He pulled away from my lips as he set a quick pace, and it was honestly a wonder that he didn't move the couch.   
  
I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts, crying out when his hit my prostate with a relatively rough thrust.   
  
I closed my eyes, my grip on the couch cushion below me tightening.   
  
I knew from the moment he slipped his fingers into me that I wasn't going to last long, but it was almost ridiculous how close I was getting.   
  
"Masa- F-fuck, I'm not going to last," I managed to get out. My breaths were coming out in pants.   
  
He nodded and paused to re-adjust his grip on me before he continued. "M-Me too." His voice was strained. I kept forgetting that he was a virgin just a few weeks ago. My stamina was supposed to be better than his. I almost scowled at the thought.  
  
I moaned his name as I came, gripping the cushion hard enough to hurt my fingers.   
  
He followed after a few more thrusts.  
  
-  
  
We kept this up for three weeks, it was like an unspoken agreement. We fucked, we fucked a lot.   
  
We hadn't talked in weeks about anything important. We just fucked. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanase isn't happy. 
> 
> Ran drags the guys out of hiding. 
> 
> More of the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I'm back. Kind of. We'll see. Either way, I hope you enjoy.

I buttoned up my shirt, turning my head back to look at Masashi as he spoke.  
  
"You don't have to go yet." He said, running a hand through his tousled hair. He had really good just-fucked hair.  
  
We were at his place since neither of his parents were here.  
  
I shrugged. "I have to get ready for work."  
  
I'd gotten a job as a waiter two weeks ago, and I couldn't say I disliked it. The money wasn't as good but I felt better about myself.  
  
Almost.  
  
We were also at his place because I had just moved into a new place and my entire life was still in boxes. I hated unpacking with passion, and was putting it off until absolutely necessary.  
  
Within the last three weeks I have come to a conclusion.  
  
I am a horrible person.  
  
I am fucking my best friend behind his girlfriend's back, and often.  
  
The cycle went something like this: 'Let's talk' turns into fucking each other and then waking up to regret, then you just hit the replay button. Though at this point we just skipped over the talking phase. And pushing away the regret got easier, just like the shame when I'd been fucking strangers.  
  
It was honestly ironic. Masashi got me to quit being a whore and then made me into his own personal whore. I wouldn't have minded so much if it weren't for the fact that I loved him and he loved someone else.  
  
Another thing I had started doing again was smoking. Masashi didn't particularly like it because I always tasted like smoke. He hasn't said anything about it after I asked him if he preferred the smoking or my original method of busying myself. I take it he prefers the smoking.  
  
I left Masashi's place in a relatively foul mood, heading down the street toward my apartment. My new apartment. It was a nice place. Quite a bit smaller than the last place, but I liked it. I liked it quite a lot. It was closer to school and not far from my new job, which was pretty convenient.  
  
It was just cold enough that I could see my breath, but other than that, it wasn't too bad out today. It was starting to get warmer more frequently.  
  
When I got back to the apartment, I shrugged out of my coat and shoes. I went to the bathroom and showered. That was one of the few things I had managed to unpack so far: the bathroom contents.  
  
After I showered, I dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans. There wasn't really a dress code at the restaurant where I worked, so that was nice. Well, there wasn't particularly a dress code at the escort shop either, but then again, those clothes pretty much always came off. And I'm pretty positive my new job doesn't let us dress like sluts.  
  
My phone buzzed on the bathroom counter and I flipped it over so I could see who was calling. Nanase.. I hit answer. "Hello?"  
  
" _Hey, Ritsu. What's up?_ "  
  
"Getting ready for work, you?" I left the bathroom, grabbing my keys off the counter as I headed to the front door.  
  
" _I'm just hanging out today._ " She said, and I could so easily picture her lazying about in sweats while eating ice cream. The image made me smile. " _What've you been doing today? You didn't have school, right?_ "  
  
I slipped my shoes and coat back on. "I was… doing nothing."  
  
" _You were fucking him again, weren't you?_ " I heard disappointment creep into her voice, and shame washed over me.  
  
My silence was answer enough.  
  
" _Ritsu… You can't keep doing this. Think of Ishihara._ "  
  
"I know." I said as I locked the door behind me.  
  
I knew. Trust me, I knew.  
  
" _Then why- You know what? Never mind, this isn't a conversation we are going to have over the phone._ " She said, voice laced with something like anger. " _Have fun at work._ " And then she hung up on me.  
  
I stared at the screen, sighing to myself. Nanase was right, of course. I couldn't imagine the kind of pain this would cause Ishihara, if she ever found out. I hated myself for it, fuck, I hated him for it, but it didn't stop me. It didn't stop him, and he was the one lying to her.  
  
Masashi was an asshole, yeah, but I knew it was dragging him down too. We were both going to hell, and I was driving. We both had the power to end this, but neither of us did. We didn't talk anymore, and I missed my best friend, I really did. I didn't know what to do at this point. I mean, the choice was obvious, break it off. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't. I was afraid that if I broke it off that I would lose him completely.  
  
I walked the relatively short distance to work, prepared for a long evening.  
  
-  
  
At work, I was still getting used to the fact that no one slapped my ass as I walked by anymore. I don't know why this is one of the things I find myself having to adjust to. But every time I walk by someone, I find myself slightly surprised that I wasn't touched in any way.  
  
Aside from adjusting to a completely new environment, I was happy with my new job. The people I worked with were all nice, and around my age.  
  
But the biggest bonus? I wasn't sleeping with strangers anymore. A few months ago I didn't think I'd be so relieved to wake up and realize I don't have to sleep with anyone for money anymore.  
  
No, instead I just sleep with my best friend because I'm an asshole.  
  
-  
  
It's late when I get home but not nearly as late as when I worked at the escort shop. No, now the latest I get home is midnight and I can say I like it. It makes getting up for school so much easier.  
  
I pull my shoes off at the door and shrug out of my jacket, hanging it over a chair because I haven't put up a coat rack yet. I gently toss my phone onto the counter and walk to the living room.  
  
I fall onto the couch face-first and sigh into the cushion. I turned my head to the side and looked around the room. My apartment resembled the current state of my life - a disaster. I needed to unpack and I needed to sort out things with the people in my life. Namely Masashi and Nanase. Nanase… She was pissed with me over the whole thing with Masashi, and I couldn't really blame her. I wasn't making the best life choices. I don't know why she stayed around, simply to watch me disappoint us both.  
  
I sigh again, pushing myself off the couch. I needed to call her. But it was late and she already said we weren't going to have that conversation over the phone. Instead I grabbed a beer from the fridge and proceeded to watch TV until I passed out on the couch.  
  
I wake up to the sound of my alarm, still half upright on the couch. I stand and stretch before going to the bedroom to turn off the obnoxious noise. I head to the kitchen to get coffee and food, where I notice my phone still on the counter. I pick it up and plug it in by the sink, hoping it'll charge at least a little before I head to class. I only had one class to go to, so I would be off most of the afternoon. Something to look forward to.  
  
I get ready and leave the apartment, grabbing my jacket and phone on the way out. I check my phone. A message from Nanase. I open it.  
  
(Meet me for lunch.)  
  
I sigh, noting that it is not a request. (Where?) I text back, hoping I didn't have to walk too far from the school.  
  
By the time she messages me back I'm already in class. I check it under the table, mentally noting the location. A small coffee shop not all that far from the school. I flinch when someone come into my peripheral vision, moving to sit next to me. I look over. Masashi. He's late, a relatively rare occurrence. He has dark circles under his eyes. He gives me a small smile.  
  
"Good morning." He says, pulling his textbook out.  
  
I return the smile, albeit half heartedly. I briefly wonder if I look as bad as he does. "Morning."  
  
He slides closer to me and I feel my heart beat quicken automatically. Stupid. He leans over and looks at my textbook. "Page 168?" He asks.  
  
I nod, meeting his eyes. His lips quirk up in a slightly goofy smirk that is all Masashi. I feel my own lips pull up in an answering smile, and for a moment I forget things are the way they are between us, and I forget the pain we've caused each other.  
  
I feel his hand slide up my leg and I lift an eye brow in a challenge. He ventures up my thigh, my heart beat quickens and all I can see is him, and all I want is him. Then the instructor claps his hands together. Masashi flinches, startled out of the dazed adventure he'd been on. He retreats, his hand leaving my leg. He turns his attention back to the instructor, the only evidence of what happened was the small smile that adorned his lips.  
  
I focus my attention back to the front of the class room, but I don't hear one more word from the instructor.  
  
All I hear is the beating of my heart.  
  
-  
  
  
Nanase pushed her long hair back over her shoulder, her gaze locked on my face. She was silent for a while, only speaking to order something. So she hadn't actually spoken to me, yet. I just waited, in hopes of not stoking the fire even more.  
  
"How long are you going to keep this up?" She finally asks, her tone colored with her anger. She adds a packet of sugar to her tea, then stirs it absentmindedly.  
  
I sip my coffee for a moment, thinking of the best way to answer without making her more angry. But at this point that probably wasn't possible. Best to go with the truth at this point, I suppose. And the truth was -  
  
 "I don't know." I say softly. My hands tighten around the coffee mug. It honestly is the truth. I just don't know.  
  
"All you two are doing is causing each other more pain," She says, "and as if it wasn't enough already, you had to drag Ishihara into your mess."  
  
"I know." I nod. Because it's true. This would destroy Ishihara. She has such blind loving trust in Masashi… And I would be the one to destroy that.  
  
"Then what the fuck," She lowers her voice after attracting the attention of the tables around us, "are you doing?"  
  
"I don't know anymore, okay?" I put my head in my hands. "I know it's wrong on so many levels, but all I want is him, Nanase. I hate myself for it, and I hate him for it and fuck, I hate Ishihara for being with him. It's illogical, but I do. None of this is her fault, and you're right, we've drug her into it." The words tumbled out of me quickly. I didn't know how to put my thoughts or feelings into words, but I suppose I didn't understand them much myself, either. "I've become everything I never wanted to be."  
  
And it was true. I never wanted to be the 'side bitch'. But that's what I was. I never wanted to get in the middle of someone else's relationship. But that's what I was doing.  
  
She was quiet for a moment before she sighed. I leaned back in my seat and met her steady gaze. "Ritsu…" She said softly, all anger gone from her voice. "I know that you love him. But can't you see? All you're doing is hurting yourself. You're both hurting yourselves, and each other. You can't keep this up." She reached across the table and took my hands. "I'm saying this as a concerned friend. As someone who loves you. You can't keep doing this to yourself."  
  
I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "I'm just… I'm just afraid that if I end it, I'll lose him for good."  
  
"Ritsu, you've already lost him. You two have become only physical, you haven't gained anything." She said softly, giving my hands a soft squeeze.  
  
I knew she was right. I had lost him. We fucked, that was all. When was the last time we had actually talked? Laughed together? Done anything together besides fuck? And I was tired of just fucking. I wanted a relationship with him. I wanted all of him and I didn't want to have to share him with anyone, ever. But I couldn't have that, I couldn't have him.  
  
But could I let him go?  
  
-  
  
"Wait, tonight?" I said into the phone, trying to decide what Ran was trying to get me into. I glanced at the clock. It was seven.  
  
He sighed, exasperated. " _Yes, tonight. Have you been listening?"_  
  
"Kind of." I smiled, I really hadn't been listening. I barely caught the fact that it was tonight. "But wait, so you guys want to go out tonight, right?"  
  
" _Correct, Rit-chan. We are going out, and you're coming with us._ " He answered, before saying louder but away from the phone, " _Yes, he said he's coming_!"  
  
"I didn't say that, Ran." I chuckled, shaking my head. I knew better than to argue that I wasn't going, it was Ran after all, but I did want to go. I hadn't seen the guys in a few weeks, and we had all agreed to meet up once a month at least. While I didn't really miss being a whore, I did miss them.  
  
" _Yes, you did._ " He replied. " _Meet us at Jumbles in an hour, and wear something that was in the box I gave you._ "  
  
"Ah, Ra-" I pulled the phone from my ear as I heard the line disconnect. I sighed. He was stubborn as hell.  
  
I took a quick shower, hurrying as I didn't have all that much time to spare if I was going to meet them in an hour. Jumbles was half an hour from my new apartment. Jumbles was a gay club, with all the trimmings. I'd been there with the guys more than a few times, mostly because we just went wherever Ran dragged us to. I can't say we didn't have fun though, it was always fun with them.  
  
The box of clothes Ran had brought was in the back on my closet. I pulled it out, sitting on the bed to rummage through it. I didn't want to wear the black leather skirt that was in there, and I sure as hell wasn't wearing the damn maid outfit in public. I smiled as I remembered the only time I'd worn it.  
  
I pulled out the black v-neck with the net-sleeves. Ran had always liked this shirt on me for some reason, so I pulled it on. It was also the least slutty thing in the box. I wasn't going to wear any of the other clothes that were in there, but I did have gay club appropriate clothing of my own, also hidden in a box at the back of the closet. I pulled it out also, opening it and digging through it until I found the pants I was looking for. They were black skinny jeans, with slits all the way up the sides. Not exactly slutty but slutty enough for Ran's expectations. I pulled on a pair of black boots that were in the box as well.  
  
I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, it's red letters read 8:27. Time to go.  
  
I grabbed my phone, my black leather jacket out of the closet, and left my apartment. I locked up behind me and headed to the train station.  
  
I hopped on a train, getting a few odd looks from other passengers. Some disgusted, some mildly curious. I just sat down and rode the train until my stop.  
  
After exiting the train, I walked for about ten minutes when the sign came into view, reading Jumbles in lit up red letters. I spotted Ran, Hibiki and Zin near the entrance, and I walked toward them. Zin spotted me and waved, causing Ran to look my way.  
  
"Rit-chan!" Ran said, smiling and met me halfway, throwing his arms around me in a tight squeeze before he grabbed my arm and dragged me over to Hibiki and Zin. I noticed he was wearing skin-tight leather shorts and a black long-sleeved v-neck that was see-through in the back.  
  
"Hey, Ritsu. Long time no see." Hibiki said, giving me a one armed hug, his other hand was weaved together with Zin's. They were dressed similar to me, both wearing black skinny jeans although Zin's were ripped in a few places in the front. Zin wore a dark blue t-shirt while Hibiki had a black v-neck along with a black leather jacket.  
  
"Hey, guys." I said after I gave Zin a quick hug.  
  
"Okay! Let's get this party started!" Ran said, clapping Hibiki on the back. He grabbed Hibiki's arm and pulled him into the club.  
  
Hibiki had let go of Zin's hand as he was dragged away. I met his Zin's eyes. "How've you been since…?"  
  
"I'm great, Ritsu." He chuckled. "Hibiki has barely let me out of his sight. How have you been?"  
  
I lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. "I'm okay." I wasn't entirely sure what I was at this point. I wasn't okay, but I was also wasn't bad.  
  
Zin nodded understandingly. "I don't know what I'd have done without Hibiki. He's been… amazing."  
  
I smiled and clapped him on the back, steering us toward the club. "I'm glad. Now, let's go, before Ran comes looking for us."  
  
As it turns out, Ran was coming back to look for us, Hibiki trailing after him.  
  
"Come on, you guys. Let's go, go, go clubbing!" Ran smiled and pushed us in the door. Hibiki linked his fingers through Zin's again, and kissed him on the forehead quickly. I smiled. They really were cute.  
  
Ran led us to a table toward the back, where it was a bit quieter. I sat down, taking in my surroundings. The place was relatively packed. The dance floor was packed with bodies, dancing and grinding against each other. It had been a while since I'd been back in this sort of environment, and I liked the buzz it gave me.  
  
"Ritsu, here." Ran said, handing me a shot glass full of clear liquid.  
  
I took it, swallowing the bitter liquid. I wrinkled my nose. Gross. Ran chuckled at my expression, handing me a different glass full of red liquid. "Here, you'll like this better."  
  
I took it, and sipped on it. Daiquiri. Yes, much more my thing.  
  
"So, what have you guys been doing since the shop closed down?" I asked, looking at each of them.  
  
Zin looked up at Hibiki and smiled. "We're working part-time at an Italian restaurant together. I'm a waiter, and Hibiki is a cook."  
  
"Hibiki cooks?" Ran asked, leaning his elbows on the table. "I can't imagine this."  
  
"Surprising right?" Zin said, a smile on his face.  
  
Hibiki rolled his eyes. "What about you, Ran? What are you doing now?"  
  
Ran took a sip from his drink before he smiled. "I deliver pizza, actually."  
  
"Oh?" I said. "How is that?"  
  
"I actually like it. I wasn't sure I would, but I apparently like driving around for half the night." He said with a wink. "What about you, Ritsu? What are you doing?"  
  
I shrugged with a smile. "I'm working as a waiter, too. I like it."  
  
"Good." Hibiki said, nodding at me over the table.  
  
"Hey, did you guys here that Mama- ah, I mean Renji, is opening up a flower shop? That's his dream job." Ran said excitedly. "After he gets it all set up, I'm going to go work for him."  
  
"Wow, I didn't know that." I smiled. I could see the two of them arranging flowers all day.  
  
"Good for him and good for you." Zin said.  
  
Ran gave us all another shot, and we took it. It was better than the last one.  
  
"Now, how about we all go jumble on the dance floor?" Ran offered, jutting a thumb toward the dance floor. And then, he giggled. "Get it? Jumble? It's the name of this club."  
  
Hibiki sighed. "You're proud of that one, aren't you?"  
  
"Very." Ran giggled again, hopping up out of his chair. He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the dance floor, and I let him, knowing I wouldn't get anywhere even if I protested. I looked back to see Zin pull Hibiki along with us, ignoring his soft protests. Hibiki always protested dancing, ironic as he was the best dancer among us. He was a great dancer, his rhythm was perfect. All I have to say is that Zin is a lucky guy.  
  
I danced with Ran, letting the buzz from the alcohol loosen me up as I moved my body to the beat of the music. Ran set his hands on my face, before running them down my neck, shoulders, chest and to my hips, before he let go and turned around. I set my hands on his hips and we moved to the beat. He leaned his back against my chest and turned his head so his lips were against my ear.  
  
"See that hottie over there sitting at the bar alone? The guy in the burgundy shirt." He paused until I spotted the guy, and nodded. He certainly was good looking, more Ran's type than mine. "I'm going after him." He said, and I laughed. Ran, always on the lookout. I smacked him on the ass as he started walking away, and he turned and winked before sauntering off, weaving in and out of the crowd until he was in front of the guy at the bar. I turned away, and headed back to our table. I sat down and sighed, taking a drink of my daiquiri. I looked around for Zin and Hibiki but they were lost somewhere in the crowd. I couldn't see Ran from where I was sitting, either.  
  
I sipped on my drink for a while, until someone slid into the booth across from me. I looked up in surprised, not having seen him walk over. I chuckled when I saw who it was.  
  
"Long time no see, Jun." I smiled, leaning my elbows on the table. "How have you been?"  
  
Jun smiled in return. "I've been good. I didn't expect to see you around these parts again."  
  
"Ran dragged me out of hiding tonight." I said, amusement coloring my voice. It sort of was like Ran dragged us out of hiding once a month. I could see it being a monthly tradition I could grow fond of, and look forward to.  
  
Jun chuckled and nodded in understanding. "He always was the most lively of you all."  
  
I nodded, taking another sip of my drink. "You know it."  
  
Jun was silent for a moment, picking up one of the abandoned drinks on our table and partaking of it. "So, what have you been up to this past month?"  
  
I shrugged, leaning my chin on my hand. "I'm working as a waiter now."  
  
Jun raised an eyebrow and smirked. "And how do you like that, Hikari?"  
  
I rolled my eyes at the fake name. "I like it, actually."  
  
"Good for you. I'm glad." He said.  
  
"Thanks." I smiled. I glanced around, noticing his sister wasn't around. Aside from when I'd slept with Jun, I don't think I'd ever seen one without the other. "So where's Sil tonight? Did she come?"  
  
"Nah, she didn't come. I came with a friend, but it would seem he's run off somewhere." He chuckled lightly, running a hand through his blonde hair. He looked just like his sister, not surprising as they were identical twins. "Did just you and Ran come out tonight?"  
  
"No, Hibiki and Zin are here somewhere too." I said, gesturing around the club.  
  
"Ah, and how are the love birds?" He asks, swirling a cup around on the table.  
  
"They're great." I say with a smile.  
  
"Good, good." He says. His voice drops to a low, velvety tone that I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me shiver. "And how are you, Ritsu?"  
  
I had known Jun for a while, and I would also be lying if I said I didn't think he was attractive. He was hot, and he was good in bed. But one of the most significant things I'd grown to like about him was that he was kind.  
  
"I'm alright." I say, giving a half shrug.  
  
"Just alright?" He says, leaning forward.  
  
"I've been better. Things are.. kind of complicated for me right now." I say before I take a long drink of one of the glasses on the table. I wrinkle my nose. Gin. Gross.  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that." He said, actually sounding sincere. He honestly was a good guy.  
  
"Thanks." I smile. "And how are you, Jun?"  
  
"You know?" He says with a small smirk. "I'm doing fantastic."  
  
"Well, that's great to hear." I say, and I mean it.  
  
His phone buzzes in his pocket and he leans back with a sigh to pull it out. He checks it before sliding it back into his pocket. "Well, that's my cue." He says, moving to stand.  
  
"Tell your sister I said hey." I say.  
  
"I will do that. And Ritsu," He says, moves as if to pass me, but pauses. He moves his hand to pull my chin up to meet his eyes, and then he closes the distance, kissing me slowly. He pulls away and winks at me, dropping his hand. His voice is low when he finishes. "It was good to see you again."  
  
"You too." I say, my voice slightly more breathless than I'd like it to be.  
  
He walks toward the exit. I watch his retreating back until I lose him in the crowd. I sigh, shaking my head to clear it.  
  
Part of me thinks I ought to feel guilt for having just kissed a guy, but then again, Masashi does the same thing with Ishihara.  
  
Zin slides back into the booth across from me, his hair disheveled and his face flushed from dancing. He smiles before picking up his glass, which causes him to frown as it is empty. "Did you drink this?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. "I thought I remember you saying you didn't like Jim Bean."  
  
I chuckled softly, leaning back in my chair with my drink in hand. "I didn't drink it. An ex-customer did."  
  
Jun raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Anyone I would know?"  
  
"Maybe," I say. "His name is Jun."  
  
"I saw him around the club room but never in the lounge. He was usually with a group of six or so people, wasn't he?" He asks.  
  
"Yeah, they just came to party usually. As far as I know, Jun was the only one that ever partook of our other… services."  
  
Zin nodded, a slight smile on his lips. Before he answered, Hibiki slid back into the booth next to Zin, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "I am officially danced out for the year."  
  
"You mean until we get drug out of hiding again next month?" I said, a smirk on my lips.  
  
Hibiki tilted his drink toward me, chuckling. "Yeah, until then."  
  
Ran reappeared by our side, guy in burgundy shirt in tow. "Hey, guys." He said, sounding breathless. His hair was disheveled, and his face flushed. I assumed it wasn't from dancing. "Mind if I take a rain check?"  
  
Hibiki chuckled again, shaking his head. "Go for it."  
  
I high-fived Ran. "Have fun."  
  
Ran winked and smiled, although burgundy shirt guy looked pretty embarrassed. "You know I will."  
  
And with that, he drug burgundy shirt guy away.  
  
"You know," I said, sliding out of my booth. "I think I'm going to head out as well."  
  
"Alright, it was good to see you." Hibiki said, the two of them sliding out of their booth. They both hug me.  
  
"It was good to see you guys, too." I say with a smile. Hibiki stops me when I pull my wallet out to give him money for our tab.  
  
"I got this one." He winks at me and claps me on the back. "We'll see you next month, yeah?"  
  
"Thanks." I nod at his question. "I wouldn't miss it. And you're kidding yourself if you think Ran would let any of us skip out on it."  
  
"That's no doubt." Zin agrees with a chuckle.  
  
"Aright, I'll see you guys later." I clap Hibiki on the back as I pass by them, heading around the dance floor rather than through it.  
  
"Later!" I hear Zin call out behind me.  
  
I stumble out of the club, letting the chilly night air wash over me. I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I head down the street, towards home.  
  
But once I find myself standing in front of my apartment building, all I can think of is how I don't want to be there. I stared up at the building, silently willing myself to go in. But when my feet started moving again, it wasn't into the building. It wasn't toward the building at all. I knew where I wanted to go, but the question was if I was wanted there or not.  
  
When I walked up his steps, I glanced at the clock on my phone. It wasn't all that late, and I knew his folks were usually up late on the weekends. Some of the lights were still on, so I risked it and knocked on the door. A few minutes passed and when I was about to give up and go home, the door opened.  
  
"Ritsu!" Saki said, a smile spreading across her face.  
  
I smiled. It had been quite a while since I'd seen Saki. "Long time no see. Is Masashi here?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound as hopeful to her as it did to me.  
  
"Indeed it has been." She said, opening the door wider. "And no, he's at Ishihara's tonight."  
  
My face must have visibly showed the pain that I felt shoot through me, because she gave me a sympathetic smile and stepped aside, pulling the door open with her.  
  
"You want to come in?" She asked, her voice soft. "Kyo and I were just getting ready to watch a movie."  
  
I blinked up at her for a moment before I gave a small smile. "You know what? I'll take you up on that."  
  
"Perfect." She said, her smile broadening. "Kyo, we have company!" She yelled out as she closed the door behind me.  
  
"Who?" He called back, peaking his head around the corner. His nose wrinkled in mock disgust. "Ew, him again."  
  
I laughed. "Oh come on, you know you missed me, Kyoya!"  
  
He rolled his eyes and disappeared back behind the corner again. "Yeah, yeah, sure I did."  
  
Saki followed her husband around the corner and into the kitchen, leaving me to take off my shoes. I trailed after them. They were bickering over how much butter to put on the popcorn.  
  
"No, you put too much on every time, it's not good for your heart!" Saki protested, trying to pry the cup of melted butter out of his hands.  
  
"Come on, since when have we ever been health freaks?" He said with a slight frown on his face.  
  
I smiled at the sight of their bickering. I had honestly never seen them fight. They bickered all the time, over slight things but the two of them were like watching teens, young and in love. I wondered where Masashi got his temper.  
  
By the time I started listening again the bickering was over, Kyouya having gotten his way apparently, if the slight pout on Saki's face was anything to go by.  
  
"Where'd you go tonight?" Kyouya asked, gesturing to my outfit. I was all at once glad I hadn't picked anything particularly slutty.  
  
"A friend of mine grabbed me out to go clubbing with him." I answered with a chuckle.  
  
Kyouya raised an eyebrow. "You? Have friends? This is news to me."  
  
Saki elbowed him in the ribs and rolled her eyes. "I'll bet he has more than you, dear."  
  
"We're married. You're suppose to be on my side." He said, faking a wounded expression.  
  
She shrugged. "Oops."  
  
I laughed and she winked at me.  
  
"You guys are mean." Kyouya said dramatically, picking up his popcorn bowl and heading into the living room. "I don't want to y'alls friend anymore."  
  
"Who said we were ever your friends?" Saki said, as we followed him into the living room.  
  
"No popcorn for you." He grumbled.  
  
"Just kidding, dear. We know we're your only friends."  
  
"I don't know if that's better or worse." I chimed in, taking a seat on the couch next to them.  
  
And that's how I came to spend a long evening with Masashi's parents, enjoying every moment of it. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some feels, Ritsu gets a call, and some blue-eyed brat makes another appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 5,000 words in this chapter. *silently pats self on back*
> 
> Anywho, as always, sorry for the delay. I've been busy as hell. Thanks to anyone who is still reading this.

  
When I wake up, it's by the insistent ringing of my phone. I groan as I lean over to yank it off the nightstand, thoroughly displeased at whoever is calling me. The caller I.D. reads Masashi. I press send, rolling onto my back. "Yeah?" I say, my voice giving away that he woke me up.  
  
"I'm at the door." Is all he says before he hangs up.  
  
I groan again as I get up and head for the door. I don't bother putting on more clothes, just opening the door with the large t-shirt that comes just far enough down to hide the underwear I am wearing, making it seem like I'm not wearing anything underneath. I unlock the door and swing it open, turning on my heel and walking back to the bedroom, flopping face-first back onto the bed. A few moments later I hear him enter behind me. The bed shifts under his weight and I turn my head to the other side to see him lay down on his back beside me. "I heard you were at my house last night."  
  
"You heard right."  
  
"Why?" He asks, turning his head to the side to meet my gaze.  
  
"I was looking for you." I reply simply.  
  
"Is everything okay?" He asks, turning onto his side to face me.  
  
"Yeah." I breath out. But honestly, was everything okay? I wasn't sure what was and wasn't okay anymore.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
I don't answer this time, instead moving to press my lips to his, letting my eyes slide closed. He obliged me and kissed me back tenderly, but I could feel his hesitation. He knew something was bothering me. Because he knew me. I don't know if that made me feel better or worse.  
  
He lets me push him onto his back, and I don't break this kiss as I follow him, soon straddling his lap. We kiss lazily for a few minutes, taking our sweet time. Or more like, I'm taking my time and he's obliging. Always, always obliging. Giving me what I want. What I don't deserve.  
  
I sit up and pull my shirt over my head. "Fuck me."  
  
And he obliges.  
  
-  
   
I'm lying in bed, my head on Masashi's stomach, staring at the ceiling with a cigarette in hand, an ashtray on my chest. By now, Masashi has gotten use to me smoking, and doesn't seem to mind it much anymore. Well, at least he never says anything about it. He runs his hair through my hair rhythmically, and it's soothes me. I wish we could be like this forever, where time seems to stand still and we are at peace with each other, the only thoughts running through our heads are pleasant ones.  
  
I would be lying if I said Masashi still didn't make me happy. There were things he did that still make me happy, no matter how simple.  
  
Masashi is a good man.  
  
One day, I will let him go. But for today, I want nothing more than to lie here, content with just being beside him.  
  
"You have any plans for today?" He asks softly.  
  
"No." I take a draw from my cigarette and blow it out, watching the smoke billow out and ascend to the ceiling. "You?"  
  
"No." He replies, his fingers continuing to weave through my hair.  
  
"Good." Is all I say.  
  
After a while his hand stills, and his breathing evens out. A faint snore rises from his lips. I smile. He always looked so serene while asleep. As creepy as it sounds, I loved watching his sleeping face. He looked younger. You couldn't see a hint of the pain and stress we caused each other. He was just peaceful.  
  
I put out my second cigarette, before setting the ashtray aside. I throw an arm over my eyes, and I sleep.  
  
When I wake up, I feeling his fingers threading through my hair again. I open my eyes and meet his gaze. He smirks. "Hey."  
  
I yawn. "What time is it?"  
  
He glances at the clock on the nightstand. "Little after one."  
  
"We've been productive."  
  
He chuckles, causing my head to bounce with his stomach. "Quite."  
  
"I don't want to move." I say.  
  
"Then don't." He replies, a small smirk adorning his lips. His beautiful lips.  
  
"But I have to pee." I say with a frown, honestly kind of offended by nature's calling.  
  
He laughs, his fingers stilling in my hair momentarily. "Then go pee."  
  
"I'm gonna." I grumble, getting up off the bed. "Stay." I order, pointing at him.  
  
He salutes me from his position on the bed. "Yes, sir."  
  
I head to the bathroom and relieve myself, washing my hands and drying them. I look at myself in the mirror. I needed a haircut soon, my hair was getting slightly longer than I liked. I hummed my disapproval and left the bathroom. I walked down the hallway, coming to a stop outside of the doorway when I heard Masashi talking quietly.  
  
"Is tomorrow good?" He said, a short pause before he spoke again. "Okay, then. It's a date."  
  
Another pause. "I love you too. Bye bye."  
  
I leaned my head against the wall briefly, our peaceful illusion shattering around me. I shrugged off the wall and entered the room. His expression told me the illusion was just as shattered for him as it was for me.  
  
"Ishihara?" I ask, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
  
He nods, his voice soft. "Yeah."  
  
I averted my gaze to the floor and nodded, not saying anything. I didn't have anything to say. My chest ached. I stood up and found my over-sized t-shirt again, pulling it over my head. "You want coffee?"  
  
"What do you love about me, Ritsu?" He asks, ignoring my question. His gaze is on his hands in his lap, his expression a mixture of things. Guilt. Pain. Self-hatred.  
  
I stand at the end of the bed for a moment, his question taking me by surprise.  
  
I walk around to his side of the bed and sit on the edge of it, leaning over to lift his chin so he'll meet my eyes. Once he does, I answer. "Honestly? I love everything about you, Masashi." I say, and I honestly mean it. "There are very few things I hate about you, and even those things I love. Because they are part of you."  
  
He swallows roughly and I release his chin. "I don't deserve your love, Ritsu. Or Ishihara's."  
  
"You do." I'm silent for a moment before I continue. "I know that my feelings for you are anything but convenient, and that all they have done is burden you and cause trouble for both of us, but I'm glad I fell in love with you, Masashi."  
  
He blows out a long breath, and I think for a moment he might cry, but he doesn't. "They aren't a burden, Ritsu."  
  
We're silent for a long time, just sitting there together.  
  
"Oh, Ritsu." He finally breaks the silence, his voice but a whisper. "What have we done to each other?"  
  
I give a small sad smile and shake my head, my chest aching. Because for that, there is no answer.  
  
-  
  
I stood under the overhang of the restaurant I worked at, tapping my foot and glaring into the street. Was the rain ever going to let up? Seriously. I just wanted to go home.  
  
My phone rings and I sigh, pulling it out and reading the caller I.D. Nanase. I answer.  
  
"Hello."  
  
" _Ritsu, where the fuck are you?_ " Her voice is impatient.  
  
"I'm late, I know. But this damn rain won't let up." I reply with another sigh.  
  
" _Well it's not going to, so suck it up and get wet._ " She says. " _And not the good kind of wet._ "  
  
"Nanase, ew." I shake my head but a smile spreads over my face. She was something else.  
  
" _Come on you priss, get moving._ " She says and then hangs up.  
  
I shove my phone into my backpack so it doesn't get wet, and head off in the direction of my apartment.  
  
I half run, half job three blocks before I turn a corner and literally run smack into somebody. The next thing I know is I'm on my ass, my hood falling off my head and I'm staring across at a guy that is equally shocked and also on his ass.  
  
But I know this guy and I know that blonde hair.  
  
Jun.  
  
"Holy shit," He stands up with a chuckle. "Look who it is!"  
  
I laugh, taking the hand he offers. He pulls me to my feet and pulls me under an overhang a few feet away.  
  
"If I keep running into you out of the blue like this I'm going to have to start insisting fate is involved." He says with a broad smile.  
  
"Well," I start, a smile of my own slipping across my face. "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who ran into you. Quite literally."  
  
He chuckles, running a hand through his wet hair and glancing up at the sky. "You live around here?"  
  
I nod, pointing in the direction he came from. "A few blocks that way. You?"  
  
He shrugs. "Yeah, kind of. I was coming back from a friend's and got caught in the rain."  
  
"Yeah, I was going to wait it out but I got a friend waiting on me outside my apartment and she's not too happy that I'm late." I wring out the bottom of my hoodie, which is completely soaked at this point.  
  
"Well, I'll let you go. I gotta run too. But it was good seeing you again." He said, glancing up at the sky again.  
  
"You too." I say with a smile and walk passed him, clapping him on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey!" He calls after me, and I turn back to look at him. "If I run into you again, you have to give me your number, okay?"  
  
I chuckle and nod. "Deal!"  
  
I see him turn around the corner and I take off toward my apartment again. There was something, and always had been, very appealing about Jun. Not just physical attraction. But he had a great personality. He was fun, charming. I might actually be interested in him if I wasn't so hung up on some dark haired idiot.  
  
-  
  
"Wow," Nanase pursed her lips like she had a habit of doing. "You're soaked."  
  
I was currently bent over, hands on knees, trying to catch my damn breath. "No shit."  
  
"Could you unlock the door?" She asked, but it sounded more like a demand.  
  
I rolled my eyes and stood up, digging my keys out of my pocket. "Yes, princess."  
  
She smiled and shoved my shoulder playfully. I return her smile.  
  
Once inside, I dumped my backpack and shoes off at the door. "I'm gonna go change into something dry, make yourself at home. Not that you're not going to do that even if I don't say it."  
  
She laughs, already headed for the couch. "You know me so well."  
  
"I try." I shrug, heading to the bedroom. I peel off my wet clothes with much struggle, before towel drying and pulling on dry sweat pants and a v-neck shirt. I return to the living room to see Nanase has turned the TV on and gotten herself a beer out of the fridge. I grab myself one as well, and join her on the couch. "What are you watching?"  
  
She shrugs. "Some crime show. There's nothing else on."  
  
"Exciting." I say, taking a swig of my beer.  
  
We sit and chat idly for a bit, paying little attention to the TV. It was nice to just sit and talk to her. We had been at odds for a while, but it seems we're passed that for now. I knew how she felt about Masashi and I's situation and she knew how I felt. For now, that was enough.  
  
After a few minutes of silence I bring up my run-in with Jun. "I ran into an ex-client today. Literally, I ran into him hard enough to knock us both on our ass."  
  
"Oh?" She said, her tone light and curious. "Is that good or bad?"  
  
"Good, I guess. It's weird though. This is the second time I've run into him in the past week, completely coincidental." I said with a small shrug.  
  
"That is weird." She agreed. "Is he hot?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Yes."  
  
"Like hot hot or just eh, hot?"  
  
"Hot hot." I smirked as I glanced at her.  
  
"What's he like?" She pressed, ever the nosy one.  
  
"Um, blonde. Tall. His left ear is pierced. His eyes are blue. Charming, funny." I purse my lips, deciding to give her more than she needs. "Big dick. Knows how to use it."  
  
She laughs, holding her hands up in mock surrender. "That's all the details I need."  
  
I wink at her. "You asked."  
  
"Not for that much information."  
  
I shrug. "Oops."  
  
She takes another drink, a smile still curving her pretty lips.  
  
"He said that if we ran into each other again that I had to give him my number."  
  
"Are you hoping it happens?" She asks, her tone curious.  
  
"I don't know." I shrugged.  
  
"Might be a good distraction from…" She trailed off.  
  
"Yeah. I guess we'll see."  
  
We drop it after that, diverting our attention back to the TV for a while before she decides we're ordering pizza because she is absolutely dying of starvation, to which I laugh, roll my eyes and give in to ordering pizza.  
  
But as to how she ended up also ordering chinese food, I do not know. That was all her.  
  
"How are we going to eat all this food?" She asked at some point, before it even got there.  
  
I just shook my head and rolled my eyes.  
  
"You should invite some people over." She said, and elbowed me in the gut.  
  
"Oh, what, I'm not enough entertainment for you anymore?" I mocked hurt and held my hands over my heart dramatically.  
  
She rolled her eyes at me. "No."  
  
"Wow, so blunt and so rude. I'm actually hurt."  
  
She laughed and shoved my shoulder. "Just do it. There's going to be too much food anyway. We need help."  
  
"Who the fuck am I going to invite over?" I say with a frown. "Do I look like the type that has friends?"  
  
She thought that was funny but I just thought it was sad. When she was done laughing at my expense she spoke. "What about that Sion guy? And Ran? There's at least two."  
  
"Oh god, Ran and Sion in the same room." I balked at the thought. "That's horrifying."  
  
And by the smile that crept over her face, I knew that was exactly what was going to happen.  
  
So now, I have a coffee table literally full to the brim with food and drinks, and three very, very different people in my living room.  
  
I at least managed to tell Ran that Sion didn't know I was gay and I'd rather it come from me, if he ever did find out. But apparently that didn't mean that Ran was going to hold back on his gayness, nope.  
  
"That guy is hot." Ran said, pointing at some guy on the TV. "I'd fuck him."  
  
Okay, so both Ran and Sion had brought alcohol and Ran's filter was very quickly leaving him. Not that he had much of one to begin with.  
  
Sion at least wasn't homophobic. He just nonchalantly said: "That's pretty gay."  
  
To which Nanase pretty much died laughing.  
  
Ran shrugged, a giggle escaping him. He snatched Sion's glasses off his face and put them on. Sion squinted and reached for them, protesting. "I can't see jack shit without those."  
  
Ran giggled again, taking the glasses off and holding them out of Sion's reach.  
  
Sion sighed in exasperation and leaned closer to him, reaching across him.  
  
Ran suddenly got this serious expression on his face and took Sion's chin in his hand. "Hey, you're actually really cute without your glasses."  
  
Sion cheeks reddened and leaned back out so that Ran would let go of him.  
  
Ran smiled sheepishly and handed his glasses back to him after a moment.  
  
The exchange was weird. They stared at each other for a moment, before they both just turned back to the food, neither saying another word about it.  
  
"You guys would be adorable together." Nanase offered, always having to add her two bits.  
  
Thankfully, my phone rang and I was excused from the train wreck any conversation that happened between the three of them would be.  
  
I answered the phone, not recognizing the number but taking it as an excuse to leave the living room anyways. "Hello?"  
  
" _It's been a while, Ritsu._ "  
  
I didn't feel the beer bottle slip from my fingers, and I barely heard it shatter. Every muscle in my body tensed, and it was several moments before I could find my voice again.  
  
Because I knew that voice, I knew it even as I tried to forget it. Memories of being tied to a headboard and taken against my will flooded through my mind, making it hard to breath.  
  
I vaguely heard Nanase's inquiring if I was okay from the living room, but I couldn't answer her.  
  
"How… How did you get this number?" My voice sounded out of breath to my own ears, and I only hoped he couldn't hear the fear in my voice as clearly as I could.  
  
" _I don't think that matters,_ " His voice was deep and calm. " _But let's just say, I know a lot about you, Ritsu._ "  
  
I gaped for something to say before I just hung up, snapping my phone shut. My mind reeled, trying to process what just happened. How had he gotten my number? He had used my real name… I know for a fact he never knew me as anything but Hikari.  
  
He had found me, just as I feared he would.  
  
I didn't hear Nanase come up behind me, and I jumped when she spoke. "Are you okay?"  
  
I turned to look at her, my mouth moving but no words coming out. I blinked a few times and eventually nodded. I could tell by the look on her face she knew I was lying. "Ritsu-"  
  
"Later." I hissed, cutting her off. I grabbed the broom and a rag and cleaned up the glass and spilt beer.  
  
She blinked in confusion and then nodded. But I know she took note of my shaking hands. "Okay…" She said after a moment.  
  
Ran appeared in the doorway as well after a moment. "What's goin on?"  
  
Ran… He knew about him. I could tell him.  
  
"My hand slipped." I said, loud enough that I figured Sion would hear if he was listening. But then I pulled Ran closer, putting my lips beside his ear. "Once he leaves, I need to talk to you."  
  
His confusion was obvious but he nodded, giving me a tight smile. Nanase looked between us but stayed silent, knowing this conversation would take place later.  
  
"Give me a minute," I said quietly, turning away from them and opening the fridge to get myself another drink. "Please."  
  
"Okay." Nanase said softly, she squeezed my arm as she passed, and then ushered Ran back into the living room.  
  
I leaned my forehead against the freezer door and sighed, trying to get myself back under control. I needed to think rationally about this. I needed to figure out what I was going to do.  
  
Hours. It seemed like hours before Sion left. Sion gave me a clap on the back and thanked me for inviting him over. I nodded and told him I was glad he came, acting as normal as I could under the circumstances.  
  
I think he was planning to shake Nanase's hand but it was Nanase and she just pulled him into a quick hug, which he returned after a surprised moment.  
  
Ran hugged him too, much tighter than was probably needed. He ruffled Sion's hair, which I found pretty amusing. What an odd grouping this was. Ran was all spontaneous emotion and Sion was far more calculated, and far more uptight. And then there was Nanase, who I'm not sure there was even a category for.  
  
Sion left after a few minutes of bickering between him and Ran.  
  
As soon as the door closed behind him, they both turned and looked at me. I turned on my heel and walked into the living room, knowing they would follow, and then I gestured for them to sit on the couch. They did.  
  
I was trying to find a way to explain this that I didn't notice I had started pacing in front of the couch until Nanase spoke. "If you don't tell us what's going on, I'm going to choke you."  
  
I would have laughed if I wasn't slightly freaking out.  
  
I stopped and met Ran's concerned eyes, just blurting out the only words that came to mind. "He found me."  
  
I saw his expression darken. "How? You moved, changed your number along the way, and have a new job. How the hell did he find you?"  
  
"Who?" Nanase's said, completely confused.  
  
"I have no idea. But he knew my real name, Ran. I know for a fact he only knew me as Hikari." I said, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.  
  
"Shit…" Ran ran a hand through his hair. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"Would someone explain what the fuck is going on?" Nanase said and I remembered that she didn't know everything about it.  
  
I couldn't remember how much I'd told her, so I started from the beginning. I told her about Zelch (or whatever the hell his real name was), about how he'd started off as an okay client, but started getting really rough and then how he raped me and took my money from the previous client. About how he later did the same to Zin. About the car accident. All of it.  
  
When I was done, her face was white, probably matching my own.  
  
"Fuck… What the hell are you going to do?" She asked, concern lining her voice.  
  
"I don't know." I said, running a hand through my hair roughly. "What can I do, really?"  
  
"You can't go to the police with this?" She said, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.  
  
"Not exactly," Ran answered for me. "Our previous place of business was illegal. And I'm sure we can all guess that if we tried to take him down with the police, he wouldn't go down alone. He'd take all of us down. Zin, Ritsu, Hibiki, Renji, me, the other guys. He was a repeat customer, he knows all of our faces. And if he's found out this much about Ritsu, he can most likely find out the same information about the rest of us."  
  
Nanase nodded her understanding. "God damn." She met my eyes. "What if he comes after you?"  
  
"I almost guarantee he will…" I saw softly. "And I haven't figured that out, yet."  
  
We were silent for a few minutes. I contemplated my next possible moves.  
  
"For now, Nanase, I want you to go home." I said, shaking my head when she started to protest that she wasn't going to leave me here. "Go home. I will be fine. I'll go to a friend's or something."  
  
Her lips pressed into a tight line of disapproval but she nodded and stood up. "I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
I nodded. "Okay."  
  
Ran stood up, too. "I'm going to go, too. I'll stop by Zin and Hibiki's place and tell them what's going on. Just in case you aren't the only one he's coming after." He said, picking his wallet and phone up off the coffee table. "You should stay with someone or have someone stay here, but try to avoid being alone for long. We know what he's capable of."  
  
I nodded again. "I will. I'll call you soon, and let you know how things are going."  
  
He nodded, pulling me into a hug. "You aren't alone in this, remember that."  
  
I gave him a tight smile. "Thank you, Ran."  
  
I was always surprised when something happened and Ran became serious. When he got serious, he took initiative and was extremely logical. Not something I would expect from him, but it was comforting to know he had my back.  
  
I walked them to the door and Nanase hugged me, planting a kiss to my cheek. "Keep me updated."  
  
"I will." I said, and they both left, although reluctantly on Nanase's part.  
  
I closed and locked the door behind them, before I went back to the living room.  
  
Knowing there were few other people I could go to, I dialed Masashi's number as I cleaned up around the living room. I put the remaining food and alcohol in the fridge and threw every thing else away. The phone rang and rang, and eventually I got his voicemail. I called again after a minute and received the same result, and left a short voice message for him to call me.  
  
Not really wishing to be in my apartment alone, I left my apartment. I locked up behind me and headed to Masashi's, just hoping he was home for once.  
  
I was paranoid the entire walk to his place, constantly avoiding deserted streets, and looking over my shoulder often. It took longer than normal, but I finally arrived. I walked up the front steps and rang the doorbell, stepping back and rubbing my hands together. The days were getting warmer, but the nights were still cold.  
  
The door opened to reveal Saki, once again. She smiled at me, probably confused by my presence, once again. I could hear laughing voices behind her. They probably had company. "Ritsu."  
  
"Hello, Saki." I inclined my head toward her, taking a step forward. "Is Masashi here? He won't answer his phone."  
  
She shook her head and my stomach sank. "No, he's suppose to be back later but I don't know when."  
  
I blew out a long sigh and nodded. "Okay. Will… Will you have him call me when he gets back? It's important."  
  
She nodded, a faint frown forming on her face. "I will. Is everything okay?"  
  
I gave as reassuring a smile as I could manage. "Yeah, I just need to talk to him about something."  
  
"Okay," She said, although I'm not sure if she was convinced or not. "You want to come in out of the cold?"  
  
I looked passed her, hearing Kyouya talking and other's laughing. I shook my head after a moment. "No, I don't want to intrude." I said, backing down the steps. "Good night."  
  
"Are you sure?" She said, concern still present in her voice.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
She wished me a good night and I turned on my heel, walking back down the steps. I shoved my hands in my pockets and rounded the corner onto the sidewalk. I walked for a while, sticking to the more populated streets, which wasn't all that easy with how late it was getting and the fact that it was a weekday. I didn't want to be alone tonight, but I wasn't sure where to go. Masashi's was out, and I didn't want to impose on Nanase. I wasn't sure what her parents knew about me, and I doubt they'd let some guy stay over before they've even met him.  
  
I walked down the street for a while, not entirely knowing my destination. I didn't know where to go.  
  
After a while, I spotted a small twenty-four hour breakfast place and I moved toward it. I pushed inside, letting the warmer air wash over me before I sat at a booth. I ordered a coffee from a cute, tired little waitress with dark hair. I leaned my elbow against the window ledge, and gazed out at the dark street.  
  
I really wasn't tired and I certainly didn't plan to go home tonight. I sat in that cafe for what had to be hours, occasionally ordering something like coffee or tea, so that they wouldn't kick me out. I was kind of glad I didn't have class or work tomorrow. Not that I hadn't proved with my escort job that I was capable of pulling all-nighters and still being able to function just fine, I just didn't really want to be in public. Zelch had already proved that he wasn't afraid to hunt me down in public, and that hadn't ended so well for me. I certainly didn't need another hospital bill.  
  
I couldn't bring myself to regret having been an escort (or whore, whichever you prefer), because I had met amazing people. Renji, Ran, Hibiki, and Zin. I could never regret doing something that allowed me to meet some of the best friends I've ever had.  
  
Even so, being an escort sucked because of the whole illegal part. I couldn't very well go to the police, and that was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to be free of this mess and just fucking live. I didn't want to be looking over my shoulder all the time.  
  
After having been in this cafe for hours, I've come to a conclusion. And that conclusion is I can't come up with a conclusion: I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do.  
  
I can't go to the cops. Masashi isn't at home, that douche bag. He's probably getting laid will I sit here over a cup of coffee, drowning in my own anxiety at fucking - wait, what time was it? I looked up at the clock on the cafe wall. 3:12am. Perfect. This is exactly what Zelch would have wanted. Me, losing my shit over a phone call. But anyone would react the same, I mean the guy raped me for fucks sake. The car accident was partially my fault for not looking where I was fucking going, but still. His fault. Asshole.  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
I blinked at the sudden interruption of my thoughts. I'd been so swept up in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed the door open, or someone almost walk by my booth. I blinked up at a pair of blue eyes. Familiar blue eyes. I had seen these blue eyes several times this week.  
  
"You following me?" Jun said with a small chuckle, sliding into the booth across from me.  
  
I snorted, a smile curving my lips. "Pretty sure I was here first."  
  
"Maybe you're a mind reader," He said with a smile. "And knew I was going to be here."  
  
"Not likely." I glanced at the clock again. "What the hell you doin here at three in the morning?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep." He said with a shrug. "Been walking around for a few hours, and I thought some coffee sounded nice so I came in here. You can imagine my surprise when I saw you here."  
  
I nodded. "And you can imagine mine, seeing you here."  
  
"What are you doing here anyhow?" He asked, reaching forward and taking my coffee. "You don't live over here."  
  
"I'm not having the best of nights. Came to this side of town to see my friend, but seems he isn't home." I said, probably with more edge in my voice than needed. But if he picked up on it, he didn't mention it.  
  
"Sucks." He said but then he smiled. "I guess you'll just have to hang out with me tonight."  
  
I smile. "It's morning actually."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I finally got this finished. Busy as always. I hope y'all enjoy.

I woke up to the smell of coffee. Beloved coffee. I sat up, running a hand through my messy hair. I yawned and stretched, swinging my leg over the side of Jun's couch. I had ended up going home with him. And before you ask, the answer is no, I didn't fuck him. I know, I'm shocked too.   
  
"You're awake?" I heard his playful voice from the doorway to his kitchen, a smirk playing on his face. His blond hair was wet from a shower.   
  
I nodded, my eyes falling to the coffee mug in his hand. "You got more of that?"  
  
He nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen. He returned shortly with a cup in both hands, handing me one of them before he sat on the couch beside me. He smelled good.   
  
I took a sip of the hot liquid and sighed. "What time is it?"  
  
"Around noon." He said with a shrug.   
  
It was earlier than I figured, then. We had gotten to bed sometime around seven this morning. We'd talked for a long time until we decided we ought to leave, especially since I'd spent more on coffee and orange juice in that cafe than I ever needed to do again. But damn, Jun was something. He was too charismatic for his own good.   
  
After we had left the cafe he had invited me over. When I hesitated he simply smiled and told me he had no motives other than to hang out. I was grateful for that. Not that he isn't good in bed, he most certainly is, but I wanted to be done fucking people I wasn't dating. Not that that was going well for me either, but at least I was only fucking one person that I wasn't dating, now. Right?  
  
Right?  
  
Anyways, I had accepted his invitation and went back to his place with him. We hung out and drank some of his beer and just talked for a long time. It had been nice, honestly. But I couldn't help but wish that it had been Masashi and I talking like that for hours, like we use to. We used to laugh and joke, and just talk for hours. Like best friends do. What were we now? Could you call someone you never actually have a real conversation with your best friend? Were we simply fuck buddies now? There were few thoughts that were as big a downer as that one.   
  
I took a sip of the hot coffee, letting it warm my body. Nothing was quite like coffee.   
  
"You think theres a point where you just overdose on coffee?" I ask, leaning back on the arm of the couch as I looked at Jun.   
  
He smiled. "I think that'd be a good way to go, personally."  
  
"Can't disagree there." I say with a chuckle.   
  
"You have plans today?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nah. I thought maybe I'd stop by my friend's place again later and see if he's home since I'm on this side of town."  
  
"Why don't you just call him?" He asked, taking a sip of his coffee.   
  
"My phone is dead." I explained and then frowned. "And I have no idea what I did with it."  
  
He chuckled. "It's here somewhere. You had it last night."  
  
"This morning." I corrected again with a smile.   
  
"Same difference." He gave a shrug and shoved my shoulder lightly.   
  
"What about you?"   
  
"No plans." He smiled. "Which is good because I don't feel like doing anything."  
  
"I agree." I took another sip of my coffee. I really did need to talk to Masashi, even if over the phone. If he had talked to his parents he'd probably already called me. "Any clues as to where my phone is?"  
  
"You had it…" He paused, thinking. "Last I saw, you set it on the counter."  
  
I hopped up off the couch, careful not to spill my coffee, and walked into the kitchen. Jun had a very nice apartment, nicer than the one I'd been in when I had been making good money. I had a feeling he came from money. He was awful young to have acquired a stable enough job for an apartment like this on his own. I looked over the counters, and spotted it. Right where I'd left it.   
  
I walked back into the living room with it and held it up. "Got it."  
  
"Told ya." He smiled. "I probably have a charger for that, if you want it."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, if you don't mind."  
  
"Of course." He got off the couch and ruffled my hair as he passed. I sat back on the couch with my phone and mug. He returned shortly, charger in hand. He took my phone and plugged it into the nearest outlet.   
  
"Thanks." I said, leaning back onto the cushions. This had to be the most comfortable couch ever.   
  
"No problem."   
  
"Say, how is your sister?" I ask, suddenly remembering I hadn't seen Sil in a long time. Not since that night I'd decided to give some random guy a blow job on top of the bar.   
  
He sat on the couch next to me and put his arm across the back of it. "She's doing good, really good. She's been pretty busy with school."  
  
"That's good to hear." And it was. She was sweet. "What's she majoring in?"  
  
"Art." He said over the brim of his mug. "And minoring in something else but I don't remember what it was."  
  
"I didn't know she was into art."   
  
"Oh, god. Ever since we were kids." He said, chuckling at whatever memory came up. "She loved painting, since before I can remember. She's the kind that really gets into it, you know, paint in her hair, all over her hands, clothes. Everywhere. But she's good."  
  
I smiled at the way he talked about her. "I hope one day I can see her work."  
  
"I'm sure you will." His blue eyes met mine and he smiled that stupidly dazzling smile of his. "What about you?"   
  
"What about me?"   
  
"Do you have any siblings?" He asked, turning on the couch so he was facing me.   
  
"Yeah, one." I said softly. "A younger sister. Sasha."  
  
He smiled. "Is yours as fun as mine?"  
  
"She's fun, but way more timid than Sil." I chuckled.   
  
"I suppose Sil can be a bit of a wild card."   
  
"I think you're more likely to be the wild card, Jun." I teased.   
  
He snorted. "Like you're one to talk."  
  
"Fair enough." I laughed. It was true enough.   
  
"I suppose that's why we get along." He added, bumping his shoulder into mine.   
  
"Most likely." I nodded, sipping on my coffee. "Where does Sil live?"  
  
"Like twenty minutes from here. On the other side of that big supermarket, if you know where that is." He said with a shrug.   
  
"Yeah, I do." I said, nodding. "That's not too far at least."  
  
"Yeah, it's nice. It's also not so close that she can just drop in unannounced like she use to." He chuckled. "More than once she got an eyeful of things she didn't ever need nor want to see."  
  
I laughed. "I suppose that's what she gets for walking in unannounced."  
  
"That's what I said." He smiled. "Why so curious about Sil? You're not turning straight on me, right?"  
  
I snorted. "As if."   
  
"Good." He smirked, reaching forward and tugging on a strand of my hair. "Cause that'd be a damn shame."   
  
I smiled, repressing the urge to blush. It was times like these I wished I didn't love Masashi. Things would be so much easier with someone like Jun, but I wasn't that fortunate. We were silent for a few minutes and I got up after a moment to picked my phone up. It had turned on by now. I had a few missed calls, Ran, Masashi and several from Nanase. Nanase had left a message asking how I was and if I was alive. I text her that I was fine and I'd call her later. She was probably worried. I set my phone back down and sighed. I moved to the window and looked down onto the street below. Jun lived relatively close to Masashi's place, just barely further into the city. Masashi was more on the outskirts than Jun was, but both places were pretty quiet. The nicer side of town. I lived on the other side of our college, in a nice-but-not-this-nice type of area. It was a little shadier. And I couldn't afford to live on this side of town.   
  
My phone's insistent ringing distracted me from my comparisons, and I walked back over to pick it up. The caller I.D. read Nanase is so Beast. I sighed. She really had no patience. I unplugged it and hit send.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
" _Oh thank the gods you're alive._ " She said with more exasperation than relief.   
  
"Yeah, I'm still breathing." I chuckled, glancing over at Jun. He was watching me with amused eyes. I wonder what he always found so amusing.  
  
" _Then all is well._ " She sighed. " _Did you stay at Masashi Oh Shithead's place?_ "  
  
I sighed, just deciding to ignore her comment. "No. He wasn't home."  
  
" _You didn't stay at your place by yourself right? Because I'll beat the shit out of you, hun._ "  
  
I chuckled again. "No, I didn't. Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you later, okay?"  
  
She sighed with obvious impatience. " _You had better._ "  
  
I hung up and plugged my phone back in, setting it down again. I met Jun's eyes. "Sorry bout that."  
  
"No worries." He said as I plopped onto the couch. "Friend?"  
  
"Yeah." I smiled. "Now she, she's a wild card. She's crazy."  
  
He chuckled. "Good crazy?"  
  
"Good crazy." I confirmed. Well, she was good crazy most of the time. I'm pretty sure there is some straight down bat-shit crazy somewhere in there, but I've gladly not unleashed that demon as of yet.  
  
But there was a first for everything.   
  
"Good crazy is good." He said, his light blue eyes finding mine. They were a light blue, not quite as light as sky blue though. But in the right lighting they could look gray. They were beautiful.   
  
"It is." I agreed, holding his intense gaze. His eyes flickered down to my lips once before he looked away. I swallowed before I refocused on the coffee table. It was silent for a few awkward minutes before he cleared his throat.   
  
"You hun-" His phone ringing cut him off and he sighed. He set his coffee cup down and reached into his back pocket to pull his phone out. He frowned as he looked at the caller I.D. "I should take this."   
  
I nodded. He answered as he stood up. "Hello?" He said, walking back into the kitchen with his empty mug. I heard him pause for a moment. "Wait, slow down. What broke?"  
  
Another pause. "No, no, don't bother him. I'll come in." He walked back into the living room. "It's fine, it happens." He hung up then, sliding his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. He shot me an apologetic look. "I have to run into work."  
  
"Okay, that's fine." I stood and grabbed my phone, unplugging it from the wall. "I need to go see my friend anyway."  
  
"Okay, perfect." He waited for me to grab my few things and then we headed out the door together, just pausing for him to lock the door. "So, since we ran into each other a third time you're gonna give me your number right?"  
  
I chuckled, holding my hand out as we walked. "Give me your phone."  
  
He handed it to me as we entered the elevator. I added my number as a new contact before I handed it back. "There you are, sir."   
  
He smiled. "Score."  
  
We parted ways at the front door, but not before he pulled me in for a hug. One thing I was beginning to notice about him was that he was a very touchy person. I wasn't even sure he realized it half the time. He said he'd call me sometime and then we parted ways. Him to work, and me to Masashi's.   
  
I text Masashi to make sure he was home because I'm pretty sure his mom was going to seriously start worrying about me if I showed up unannounced looking for him again. I used to show up unannounced all the time but I always knew he was home before I ventured over. And that was when I wasn't in love with him, or at least didn't know it yet. Now she seemed to worry over me a lot more than she use to. Or maybe I noticed it more now. Who knows.   
  
I stepped up to the front door and just walked in. I knew he was home, there wasn't any point in knocking. I slipped my shoes off in the doorway before I ventured in further. I saw no signs of his parents as I made my way down the hall and up the stairs. I knocked on his bedroom door once before I entered. He was sprawled across his bed watching a movie. His eyes left the screen when I entered the room. Rich brown eyes met mine and that was all it took for my heart beat to quicken. I couldn't help the smile that slipped onto my face. His own lips turned up in an answering smile. "Hey."   
  
"Hey." I said, closing the door behind me and walking further into the room. I glanced at the TV to see what he was watching but I didn't recognize it.   
  
"Come here." He said, gesturing for me to join him.   
  
I walked up to the bed and crawled onto it, planning to crawl over him and sit against the wall but that didn't happen. He pulled me down against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arm around him in response, my other arm trapped between our chests. A soft sigh left him before he lightly kissed my temple. And I suddenly didn't want to tell him about Zelch. About the phone call. I didn't want to break this spell. I was content in his arms. I wanted to stay there forever.   
  
I pulled back slightly, my arm leaving his back to tangle in his hair instead. I pulled his lips to mine almost harshly. A small sound of surprise sounded from the back of his throat, but he gave no sign of protest. I slipped my tongue past his lips to dance with his. Our tongues battled for dominance for a bit, but I let him win as I always did. I slipped the hand that was between us down to grope his hardening cock, and he groaned into my mouth. I smiled into the kiss, I sincerely loved that sound.   
  
I rolled us over so I was on top of him, breaking the kiss for only a moment before my lips were back on his. I pulled his pants down just enough to slip my hand into his pants, wrapping my hand around the head of his cock. He was hardening quickly under my touch. I stroked slowly, flicking my thumb over the tip. My other hand found the bottom of his shirt and pushed it up his chest, exposing his toned skin. I pulled back to look at him. He was beautiful, he really was. His skin was tan, even through the winter, whereas I was white even during the summer. His eyes were such a rich brown. They blinked up at me, hooded with lust. I smirked, squeezing the head of his cock, watching as his eyes closed and he groaned. And then my lips were back on his, my hand continuing it's even strokes. His own hands fumbled with my pants, his own hand slipping in to grip me. I moaned into his mouth. Now that he had one hand successfully around my cock, his other hand slipped into my hair, gripping harshly.   
  
I continued stroking him, picking up my pace as I smeared precum over the tip of his cock. It wouldn't take that much more to send him, or me for the matter, over the edge. But I wanted him inside me.   
  
I pulled back, detaching my mouth from his. I released my grip on his dick, despite his small noise of protest, and stilled his hand on my own. My breathing was labored as I pulled my shirt over my head. He seemed to get the message and sat up slightly to pull off his own. His shirt joined mine on the floor and I stood, slipping my pants the rest of the way off. He pulled his off, throwing them to the floor as well. I climbed back over him, but he flipped us over, pinning me under him. I smiled and wrapped my legs around his waist. He leaned down and kissed me, and my arms twined around his neck.  
  
He pulled back slightly. "I don't think I have any lube here."  
  
I took his hand that was resting beside my head and pulled it to my mouth. I slipped two of his fingers into my mouth and slicked the two digits with saliva. He bit his lip and I suppressed the urge to smile before I released his hand. He moved it between us and slipped both digits inside me. I hummed at the familiar burn of being stretched, but I welcomed it. He leaned back down to kiss me.   
  
He scissored his fingers several times until he was confident that I was stretched enough to add a third. Despite all the stupid crap we've done to each other he's never wanted to fuck unless he was sure I was prepared. He was careful, and somehow that was endearing to me. Although sometimes we got a little to wound up to and I got a little to impatient to let him finish.  
  
"It's enough." I said, and he pulled back enough to meet my gaze. Satisfied that I was telling the truth, he removed his fingers and positioned himself against my entrance. He slipped in smoothly to the hilt, a groan passing both our lips.   
  
"Fuck.." He panted, pausing. "You're always so… fucking tight."   
  
Apparently, that was sometimes surprising to him. I don't know if he thought I'd just be loose after all the men I'd fucked, or what, but he somehow was still surprised.   
  
"Move." I said, rolling my hips once. He complied, resting one hand next to my head to lean on, and gripping my hip with the other. The pace he set was quick, our skin coming together with a slap. I reached between us to stroke myself, a small whine escaping my lips. He leaned down to kiss me once, our lips clashing together for a moment before he pulled back.   
  
He leaned back, removing his hand from beside my head to pull my leg up over his shoulder. His pace slowed, and he moved my hand away from my cock with his other hand, before he started stroking me. His dark gaze met mine as his bit down softly on my thigh. I bit my lip, reaching my hand up to run it down his cheek lightly. I dropped my hand back to the mattress.   
  
I could feel my release was close but his slow thrusts were driving me crazy and I was about to ask him to pick it up when he rubbed against my prostate. I moaned and gripped the sheets. He smiled, having found his target. He thrust again, sharper this time, and my back arched against him. He picked the pace up, slamming into that sweet spot. A embarrassingly high-pitched whine escaped me and I bit down on my hand to muffle them. I was close.   
  
His hand continued to pump my cock as he thrust, occasionally flicking his thumb over the tip. His breathing was ragged as he tensed and slammed into my prostate one more time. And if that wasn't enough to send me over the edge, he moaned my name. I came hard, spilling into his hand and onto my stomach.  
  
He released me, letting my leg slide back down onto the bed. The only sound I could hear over our breathing was the frantic beating of my heart.   
  
He stood after a moment and left the room naked, returning shortly with a damp washcloth. He cleaned us both up and threw the washcloth toward the hamper. I'm not sure if he made it or not but I don't think he cared either way. The end credits of the movie were rolling now as he laid down beside me on his stomach. I pulled the sheet over us as we both tried to slow our breathing.   
  
"When you were here last night, you told my mom it was important that I call you," he said, turning his head to look at me. "I'm assuming this wasn't what you wanted to talk about?"  
  
I smiled. "Not that that wasn't awesome, but no. That's not what I came to talk to you about."  
  
"What'd you want to talk about then?" He reached up and moved a strand of hair out of my eyes. I noticed he was wearing his promise ring, something he rarely did around me anymore. He almost always took it off if he knew he was going to see me. He must have forgotten to take it off.   
  
I sat up with a sigh. "I got a call yesterday from.. Zelch. The guy that raped Zin and I."   
  
That got his attention. He sat up quickly. "What did he say?" He frowned. "How'd he get your number?"  
  
I shook my head. "I don't know. He said my name and that he knew things about me. I hung up before he said anything else."  
  
"I…" He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a long breath. "Fuck."  
  
"I don't know what to do. I can't ask anyone to just stay with me while I figure something out but I don't want to be alone and I just don't know what the fuck I'm going to do." I rambled, my hands tightening in the sheets.  
  
"You can stay here. Or I'll stay over. But you definitely shouldn't be alone." He said certainly. "We'll figure out what to do together. You're not alone in this."  
  
I blew out a breath. "Thanks. I just… What do I do? I can't go to the police and I don't know how else to get him to leave me alone." I ran a hand through my messy hair. My hands began to shake as I thought about it, about what he did to me. And if it wasn't enough already, he put his hands on Zin too. Part of me felt like he had only done it to get to me, but I wasn't sure he just wasn't an asshole who liked fucking the unwilling.   
  
"I don't know." He said, and he reached over and pulled me against his chest. I leaned my forehead against his shoulder and sighed. "But we'll figure it out."  
  
"I'm afraid of him, Masashi." My voice quivered as I spoke.   
  
"I'm not going to let him touch you." He assured me. And while it did make me feel better, we both knew he wasn't entirely capable of that. There would be a day where I was alone. Masashi couldn't follow me everywhere. He had a life, after all. So did Nanase. There would be a day where I was alone and he would wait until that day to do anything. I sure as hell wasn't naive enough to believe he had just wanted to scare me with the phone call and wasn't going to take it any further. The bastard tied me to a bed after all. And took my money. I was still pissed about that. Asshole.   
  
We sat like that for a long time. A long and comfortable silence fell over us, both getting lost in our own thoughts. Only when we heard the front door open did we get up and get dressed.   
  
"Ritsu, I didn't know you were here." Saki said as I made my way down the stairs. She was standing in the entryway to the kitchen. Masashi went to the bathroom, so I had descended alone.   
  
"Yeah, I got here a while ago." I said, reaching the end of the stairs. "But I was just heading out."  
  
"Oh, come on. Stay awhile. It's been forever since we hung out." She pouted, one hand on her hip.   
  
"It was literally just the other day that I spent an evening with you and Kyouya." I said, smiling. It had been just the other night, but somehow it felt like it'd been a long time since she and I had actually really talked.   
  
"Still, stay for a bit. I'm making dinner." She gestured for me to follow her into the kitchen, and I did as I was bid. I didn't actually have anything to do, or anywhere to be tonight. I was going to try to leave before anyone had really noticed me but I don't know why. It's not like I was unwelcome here.   
  
Saki put me to work peeling potatoes while she chopped vegetables. "Is everything okay?" She asked after a few minutes of silence. "You seemed pretty upset last night."  
  
"Everything's fine." I assured, keeping my eyes on the task at hand.   
  
She put her hands over mine to stop my progress, and waited until I met her eyes. "Are you sure? What's going on between you and Masashi?" She glanced over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone. "You hardly come around anymore, and when you two are here together you're both so tense. He avoids talking about you, even if I try to ask him about it."  
  
"We just…" I stopped. I didn't know what to say. I blew out a sigh and shrugged. "I've just been busy with school and work. Nothing's going on."  
  
"Bullshit." She said. "That's bullshit and you know it. You both act differently around each other now."  
  
"He's just been more conscious of me since he found out I'm gay. He doesn't want to give me mixed signals or anything." I said. Which was basically the opposite of what he was actually doing. Mixed signals were often all I had to go on.   
  
"That's not it either." She sighed, her frustration showing. "Something's going on, you just don't want to tell me. I'm just worried is all, Ritsu."  
  
"I know." I said softly. In all honesty, she was like a mother to me. Lord knows she was more supporting than my own mother was. My mother is still hiding in my father's shadow.   
  
"What's for dinner?" Masashi asks as he enters the kitchen. He straddles a bar stool next to the island, watching us.   
  
Saki clears her throat and glances at me out of the corner of her eye. "Stew."  
  
"Yum." He says. "We got room for one more? Ishihara just called and wants to have dinner with us."  
  
My grip on the peeler tightens, along with my chest. He never was someone who could deny a request. Hence the fact that we're still fucking.   
  
"Yeah, I can add more meat and potatoes." She says, and I can feel her eyes on me.   
  
I cleared my throat. "No need. I'll head home once this is put together."  
  
"You sure?" She sounded disappointed and understanding at the same time.   
  
"You said you were going to stay here tonight." Masashi said. Sometimes I wondered how thick his fucking head was.   
  
"That was before you invited your girlfriend over." I said, glancing at him over my shoulder.  
  
I saw his lips turn down at the ends. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go home, Ritsu."  
  
"I'm not staying." I said. Saki was glancing between us, her confusion obvious. But she didn't say anything.   
  
"Ritsu, just stay. It'll b-"   
  
"No!" I snapped, turning to look at him. "No, I won't sit here and watch you two. Do you know how hard it is to watch you two fawn over each other?"   
  
I dropped the potato and peeler in the sink and walked out of the kitchen, and down the hall. Masashi followed me, grabbing my arm in the entryway. "Ritsu, you know you can't go back alone."  
  
"I can. And I will." I said, pulling out of his grasp. I grabbed my shoes off the floor and reached for the door handle.  
  
"Ritsu-" His hand slammed the door back shut. "It's not safe."  
  
I chuckled. "I would rather be out there alone than watch you two."  
  
"Ritsu…" His voice turned from anger to something softer. Something like pain. "Please, stay."   
  
"Goodnight, Masashi." I pushed him away from the door and he went. I opened the door again and left, closing the door behind me. I slipped my shoes on at the bottom of the stairs.   
  
I hadn't meant to snap like that. Especially not in from of Saki. She didn't need more reasons to be worried than she already had. Masashi had every right to invite his girlfriend over. It was his place.   
  
I had had every intention of staying the night, because I really didn't want to be alone. I was afraid. But I also wasn't in the mood to be around Ishihara. Masashi was as kind as he was selfish. He'd never been able to deny a request from Ishihara. But what hurt the most was that Masashi knew what Zelch was capable of. What he'd done. He knew I was afraid.   
  
But he had let me go anyway. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long as the last two chapters, but here it is. I hope you enjoy.

I didn't go home. I didn't want to be alone in my apartment. I didn't want to be alone period. But there was no one I truly wanted to call. So I turned my phone off. I didn't want to talk to someone who knew my situation. My first thought was Nanase, but somehow I didn't want to tell her just yet. She would be angry at Masashi, and irritated at me for sleeping with him again. I didn't need that right now.  
  
No, what I needed right now was a drink. Or two.  
  
I headed down the street, turning when needed, and I eventually found myself outside a gay bar I'd been to once or twice with Ran. He often drug me out to places like this, despite my protests. But tonight I was here of my own free will. I entered the bar and took in my surroundings. Not much had changed since I'd been here last. It wasn't a huge place, but it was a nice size. Bar along the right wall, and dance floor in the middle. Tables lined the other walls. It was a nice place.  
  
I made my way to the bar and sat down. I ordered a drink from the bartender, a woman with dark hair, tattoos, and facial piercings. She was one of those people that you couldn't picture without tattoos or piercings, they were an improvement on her. She set my drink down in front of me with a small smile.  
  
I downed the drink before I set it back down, gesturing for another. I ran my hands down my face. I was tired. Tired of being who I was, who I'd become. But mostly, I was tired of being someone's doormat.  
  
I sipped on my second drink as I watched people on the dance floor move about fluidly. People danced and ground against each other, laughed and drank. Drinks were spilled, and more laughter followed. Seductive looks turned to sensual touches. Sometimes they turned into more, and sometimes they didn't. I wondered how many people in this room with have a one-night stand with a stranger tonight, and how many of them would wake up regretting it.  
  
By my third drink, I wasn't feeling much. I almost felt like I was underwater. Peaceful. That's all I wanted. Peace. I was able to shut out the music, and the people. The glasses clinking. All of it, replaced by peaceful silence. Until someone ruined it. I looked over to a pair of dark green eyes. I didn't know the guy that had just sat next to me, drink in hand. After a moment it became obvious that he had asked me something.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"I asked you who shit on your day." He smirked as he repeated himself. He wasn't really my type, but he wasn't unattractive either. His brown hair wasn't long or short, and he wasn't tall or short. Wasn't fat or thin, musclier or scrawny. He was just average. But he had nice eyes.  
  
I snorted. "And what makes you think anyone shit on my day?"  
  
"You've done nothing but miserably stare at your drink or watch other people dance for the past half hour." He said, before he waved the bartender down for another beer.  
  
"Guess I'm just not in the mood to socialize tonight." I said, half hoping he'd take that as a sign to go away.  
  
"So why'd you come here?" He asked. He turned toward me on his barstool and leaned one elbow on the counter.  
  
I shrugged. "I just wanted a drink."  
  
"You could've gone to any bar for 'just a drink'."  
  
I frowned. What the fuck was he getting at? "Yeah, and?"  
  
"Why'd you choose this one? If you just wanted a drink, why didn't you choose a nice, quiet bar with fewer people?"  
  
I sighed as I took a sip of my drink. "Good question. Maybe in a quieter bar, no one would talk to me."  
  
"See? Someone did shit on your day." He said, pointing a finger at me.  
  
"What are you, a fucking therapist?" I was getting snappy. I just wasn't in the mood for socialization.  
  
"I am, actually." He smiled.  
  
Therapists. They could always talk you in circles.  
  
"Do I get an award?" I asked, swirling my glass around on the bar.  
  
"Depends on what you want." He said, and the way he looked at me was all too familiar. Suggestive. Desire. He would be easy. I could feel myself slipping into old habits. It would be too easy. I let my eyes flicker down to his lips, and I saw him swallow. He wanted me.  
  
My eyes returned to his and I smirked. "I want to get out of here."  
  
I finished my drink and paid my tab. I inclined my head to the door and he followed suit, following after he paid his tab. I walked outside and waited until the door closed behind him. Then I grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him roughly. When I pulled away he blinks at me in silent surprise.  
  
"You always so aggressive?" He raises an eyebrow at me.  
  
"Only when people shit on my day." I say.  
  
He chuckled. "Want to go somewhere?"  
  
I just nodded. He took my hand and pulled me down the street. I followed along, watching people move around on the streets as we walked. Drunk people stumbled about, laughing and bumping into their friends. We turned a corner and stopped in front of a hotel. It was pretty obvious that it was a hotel used for these purposes as we entered. They charged by the hour and only took cash. I stood to the side while he paid, despite my protest that I could. He waved me off and headed to the front desk. The girl behind the desk smiled at him and took his money, giving him a key in return. He waved me over and I winked at her as I passed. She smiled.  
  
I followed him down one of the halls until he stopped at a door. He swiped his card and unlocked the door, pushing it open. I followed him in and closed the door behind us. The room was pretty plain. I was actually surprised there was a bathroom, but I suppose they had to keep up appearances. There was large bed against the left wall, a dresser across from it, and two night stands on either side of the bed. There was also a chair in the corner of the room.  
  
He shrugged out of his jacket and dropped it at the foot of the bed. He turned around to look at me, and I crossed the distance between us. I kissed him, and slowly led him over to the bed. I pushed him down onto it and broke the kiss to take my jacket off as well. I tossed it on the floor. He slid further up onto the bed and I followed him. I straddled his hips and lowered my lips back onto his. I slid my tongue across his lower lip and he opened his mouth in response, his tongue sliding against mine.  
  
I pulled back to slide his over his head, and he removed mine as well. He was more toned than I thought he was, but still not as much as Masashi. I suppressed the urge to scowl as his name popped into my head. Why did I have to compare everyone to him?  
  
He suddenly flipped us over and pinned me under him. I smirked and wrapped my legs around his waist. His lips found mine again. Our tongues danced together as I reached between us to undo his belt.  
  
He pulled back slightly to look at me. "What's your name?"  
  
I blinked up at him, my hands absently fumbling with his belt. "Ritsu."  
  
"It's a little late for this, but I'm Tanaka." He said with a smirk.  
  
"Better late than never, yeah?" I smiled.  
  
"Agreed." He sat back far enough that he could undo my belt, and my legs fell away from his waist.  My hands stilled on his belt and that was the first time I realized I was actually doing this. I was too use to going through the motions, I hadn't really thought about this. This is exactly what I had said I wouldn't do. I promised myself, and Masashi.  
  
"W-wait." I said, covering his hands with my own to stop their progress on my belt.  
  
His eyes met mine and he seemed to consider for a second before he moved his hands to rest on my knees. "Having second thoughts?"  
  
"I'm sorry…" I sighed as I leaned up on my elbows. "I can't do this."  
  
"You don't have to." He moved to swing his legs over the side of the bed. He picked his jacket up off the floor and for a second I thought he was just going to leave but he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of a pocket. "Care if I smoke?"  
  
"No." I said with a small sigh.  
  
"Want one?" He held the pack out to me as he put the one between his lips.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." I took one and put it between my lips, leaning forward when he offered to light it. He lit mine and then his. I took a long draw from it and blew it toward the ceiling. I was kind of surprised he hadn't been pissed that I'd decided I didn't want to do this. He just seemed okay with it. I grabbed an ash tray off the night stand and set it between us on the bed.  
  
"How old are you?" He asked after a moment, looking at me.  
  
"Twenty-two." I said as I met his gaze.  
  
He blew out a long breath of smoke and shook his head. "I'm a damn cradle robber."  
  
I chuckled softly. "How old are you? I bet I've been with someone older."  
  
"I'm thirty-four." He flicked his cigarette against the ash tray.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "You're not that old."  
  
"You've been with older?" He said, his gaze meeting mine again.  
  
"I have." I shrugged and looked down. "I slept around a lot for a while."  
  
"Past tense?" He asked. I couldn't hear anything more than simple curiosity in his voice. He didn't mention the fact that I'd just about fucked him.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why'd you stop?" He pulled one leg under him so he was facing me.  
  
"I… promised someone important to me that I wouldn't anymore." I explained, taking a draw from my cigarette.  
  
"Why'd you agree to come here with me then?"  
  
I could feel his eyes on me but I kept my gaze on the comforter. "I didn't plan to. I just went out for a drink and… fell back into old habits."  
  
"I see." He looked like he could tell there was more to it than that, but he didn't say anything.  
  
"You're full of questions aren't you?" I asked, lifting my eyes to his.  
  
He chuckled. "I'm a therapist, it's what I do. Sorry."  
  
I shook my head. "No, I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry. I'll pay you back for the room."  
  
"Like hell you will." He snorted and shrugged. "But it's okay. I don't normally do this so I guess you did me a favor."  
  
"Why did you try this if you don't normally do it?"  
  
"I don't know. I just wanted to spend the night with someone, and you seemed to be having as shitty a night as I was." He replied, and he looked down to put his cigarette out.  
  
"Who shit on your night?" I smiled as I asked, reversing his earlier question back on him.  
  
He smiled but it was somehow sad. "I fought with my soon-to-be ex-wife."  
  
My lips turned down at the ends. I felt… disappointed? "You're married?"  
  
"Until the divorce papers come through, yeah." He nodded.  
  
I laughed, putting my head in my hands. Of course he was married. And probably straight too.  
  
"Why is that funny?" He asked, and I think he almost sounded offended.  
  
I chuckled again and lifted my head to meet his gaze. "It's not, it's really not. It's just ironic. I apparently have a thing for unavailable men."  
  
"Oh." Was all he said. I think he looked guilty.  
  
"So, why are you getting divorced?" I asked. It wasn't any of my business but I asked anyway.  
  
"I told her I was gay."  
  
I raised an eyebrow as I put my own cigarette out. "If you're gay why did you marry her in the first place?"  
  
He shrugged one shoulder. "I was young and she was my best friend, but I knew she had deeper feelings for me. I was trying to deny my sexuality and make my parents, who were very homophobic, proud. So I asked her out to try and keep up appearances. I figured if I could make her happy in the process, well, double win, you know? I asked her to marry me a few years later. And we've been married for ten years."  
  
"Damn. I did the opposite and came straight out to my parents." I snorted. "Got myself kicked out."  
  
"Is that when you started sleeping around?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah.. It was."  
  
"I'm sorry." He actually sounded sorry.  
  
"Don't be." I shrugged. "I made my own decisions and paid the consequences."  
  
"You're mature for your age." He chuckled.  
  
"Do you love her?" I asked suddenly. "Your wife, I mean."  
  
"I do. In my own way." He answered, and he met my gaze. "She's still my best friend. I just can't keep denying who I am."  
  
"I know what you mean." I thought of Masashi, and how I had finally told him I loved him.  
  
"You love someone?"  
  
I clenched and unclenched my jaw before I nodded. "I do. For as much good as it does me."  
  
"Do he know?"  
  
"He does."  
  
"But?" He asked.  
  
"He's straight." I didn't go into further details about how I was also fucking him behind his girlfriend's back.  
  
He sighed. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Thanks." I shrugged.  
  
"I suppose there are no chances of turning him to the dark side?"  
  
I chuckled. "Honestly, I don't know. He's in love with his girlfriend. So it doesn't matter either way."  
  
"Ah. That must be really painful." He said sympathetically.  
  
"You're starting to sound like a therapist again."  
  
He smiled. "My wife says that all the time."  
  
"I can imagine." I hugged the pillow tighter. "You think you two could remain friends?"  
  
"I don't know. I hope so. It'll take time, for both of us." He said, and while he looked sad he also looked hopeful. "But we have our daughter to keep us tied together, if nothing else."  
  
"You have a kid?" I blinked at him. "You really are old."  
  
He laughed and shoved my shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. I do. She's the best thing that ever happened to me."  
  
"How old?"  
  
"Just turned seven."  
  
"Cute." I smiled.  
  
"You want kids?" He questioned, lying back on the bed. He put his arms behind his head and looked at me.  
  
"I don't know." I bit my lip. "I haven't really thought about it that much." I've been too busy trying to find myself.  
  
"You're still young." He pointed out. "You've got plenty of time."  
  
"I guess so." Hopefully I didn't get hit by anymore cars. Or raped. Or killed. Or whatever. But I knew Zelch wasn't just going to leave me alone, either.  
  
Tanaka glanced at the clock on the nightstand and grimaced. "I think our hours almost up."  
  
"How did our sexual adventure turn into a therapy session?" I stood up and picked our shirts up off the ground. I tossed his to him before I pulled mine over my head.  
  
He snorted. "We got cold feet."  
  
"We?" I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Yeah, we." He sat up and pulled his shirt on.  
  
"You mean you were gonna back out on this?" I gestured to my body.  
  
"I don't rob cradles." He nodded to himself like that sounded like a good answer.  
  
I smirked. "You seemed pretty fucking willing to rob this cradle."  
  
He eyes raked down my body and he pursed his lips. "It's a nice cradle."  
  
"I know." I held my hand out to help him stand. He took it and I pulled him to his feet. I was about to turn to pick up my jacket when his hand gripped my chin and he kissed me softly. It was tender, and sweet.  
  
When he pulled away he smiled sadly. "If I was ten years younger, I'd make you forget all about that boy." And then he turned and picked up our jackets, handing me mine. I took it silently.  
  
I wonder if this man could have made me forget Masashi. I wonder if I could have loved him instead. But we would never know, would we?  
  
I followed him out of the hotel room, and he dropped the key back off at the desk. I followed him back onto the dark streets. "Will you make it home okay?" He asked, eyeing me. He lit up another cigarette.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine." I answered with a nod. "Will you?"  
  
"Yeah, course. Good luck with that boy." He ruffled my hair and smiled.  
  
"Good luck with your wife." I smiled back. "And finding a man."  
  
He chuckled. "Thanks. If you ever need a therapist, look me up."  
  
"I will." I probably really did need a therapist, but I didn't want to go to one. But if I did, he would be a good one.  
  
"Bye, Ritsu." He said, resting his hand on my shoulder as he passed me.  
  
"Good-bye." I said softly and then I just stood there for a moment. I felt better than I did at the beginning of the night, and that was thanks to him. I turned around and watched him walked away. "Hey!" I called after him, and he half turned around, pausing mid-stride. "Thanks for tonight!"  
  
He waved in response before he started walking again. I watched for another moment before I sighed and turned around, walking toward home. I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled my phone out. I turned it back on and went through my messages. Nanase had called again, and I mentally kicked myself. I'd told her I'd call her. Masashi had left several messages and text me a couple times, all asking where I was and if I was okay. Fuck him, let him worry.  
  
It was really late, but I shot Nanase a text to let her know I was fine. I should've known she would have called me back immediately.  
  
"Hello." I answered, completely prepared to be chewed out.  
  
" _Where the fuck are you?_ " She sounded irritated. " _Seriously, I've been trying to get ahold of you forever. You said you'd call._ "  
  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll explain it later." I said with a sigh.  
  
" _I'm worried about you._ " She said, her voice softening. " _Just… tell me where you are._ "  
  
"I'm on my way home." I looked up to find a street sign. I knew where I was, I just didn't know what the streets around here were called. Fuck signs, I navigated by memory. Or error.  
  
" _That's not really an answer._ "  
  
I sighed. "I'm somewhere in between Masashi and I's place." It was just slightly out of the way but that wasn't important.  
  
" _Doing what?_ " Gods, she was noisy. But it made me smile. There was never any doubt that she cared.  
  
"…Nothing."  
  
" _In case you can't imagine it, I'm scowling._ "  
  
I laughed. "Okay, okay. I was at a bar."  
  
" _Please tell me you're not alone._ " By the sound of her voice, she knew the answer.  
  
"Well, you see-"  
  
" _Damn it, Ritsu!_ " She interrupted me, exasperated. " _Why can't you take this more seriously? Cause it's fucking serious!_ "  
  
"I know. I fucking know what he's capable of, Nanase." I knew all too well.  
  
" _Then why?_ "  
  
"Last night, I went to Masashi's like I said I would, but he wasn't there. So I ended up staying at someone else's, and then this afternoon I went back to Masashi's after he was home and I was going to stay there but… we fought, and I left. And I really just wanted a drink so that's what I did. It was stupid, yeah, but somehow it turned out good." Half of my explanation wouldn't make sense to her unless I told her about Tanaka. I probably would eventually, I just didn't feel like going into it right now. "But I'm okay."  
  
I heard her sigh. " _Okay. As long as you're okay._ "  
  
"I am." And I was. Tanaka had somehow made me feel better, and I was glad I had come out tonight, despite the circumstances.  
  
" _Okay, I'll stop nagging you. But I want a more detailed explanation later. I just worry about you, ya know?_ "  
  
"I know. I love you, too." I chuckled.  
  
" _Love ya. Text me when you get home okay? And lock your fucking doors too._ " She said, and I could just imagine her resting her hand on her hip, all sass.  
  
"Will do, potty mouth."  
  
" _Good._ " She said and then hung up. I slipped my phone back into my pocket, a small smile on my face. She always seemed to be able to make me smile. Suddenly, I could see myself in Tanaka's shoes. Nanase was my best friend and I'd do almost anything to make her happy. Is that what Tanaka felt when he asked his wife out? When he asked her to marry him? When they had a kid together? There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Nanase, and I could see her more easily as a partner in life than I would admit. I didn't love her like that, not like I love Masashi, and I couldn't look at her like I looked at men. But I could've easily been just like Tanaka, if I'd denied my sexuality and told no one. I could've been that guy. Marriage, kids, the whole deal. I wouldn't have gotten kicked out. I wouldn't have whored myself out. I wouldn't be in this sick love triangle I'm in. If I didn't love Masashi, would I be the same person that I am now?  
  
I think the answer to that is, no. I wouldn't be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of came to me unexpectedly, it hadn't been part of the plan until I started writing chapter 18. But I think this was necessary for Ritsu. I hope you enjoyed it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know who makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuckin chapterrrrr 20. Never thought we'd get there, lmao. Thanks to anyone to has stuck around to read this. xD 
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful cousin (love you foggie!) for continuing to read this and always pushing for the next chapter! (Damn fog, you are my motivation!)
> 
> As for words on this chapter, well. As always Ritsu took me on a slightly different path than I had initially planned. Oh well. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Two days later, I was sitting in a cafe at the crack of fucking dawn, but for good reasons. Sasha had called me last night and asked if I had time today to see her, as it was one of the few days she was free in the morning. I had early class that would extend to late into the afternoon and I had to go straight to work from there. She wasn't free that night so I told her the only way was early as hell, which she had agreed to. The only part about her agreeing that disappointed me was the fact that I had to get up early as hell. I had class starting at seven, so I'd agreed to meet her at six in a cafe that was pretty close to my school. I'd gotten ready earlier than I figured I would so I had ended up being early. I'd ordered a coffee, but I didn't have much appetite this early in the morning.  
  
Sasha walked into the cafe just after six, and slid into the booth across from me. "Ritsu-nii, good morning." She said, setting her purse down on the seat beside her.  
  
"Morning little sister." I smiled at her. "It's good to see you, even if it is at the ass crack of dawn."  
  
She rolled her eyes but smiled. "It's not _that_ early."  
  
"It is if you're a lazy college student who always stays up too late and loosely attends class." I chuckled.  
  
"Oh please." She paused to order a coffee. "You've always been a good student."  
  
"That's before I lived alone and found I could make my own household rules." I took a sip of my coffee. "Turns out, skipping class can be good for the soul." Or for the sex life.  
  
"Is that so?" She laughed, pushing her long hair behind her ear.  
  
"Yes." I put my elbows on the table and leaned forward. "So, how have you been?"  
  
"I've been good." She thanked the waiter for her coffee and started adding sugar. "How about you?"  
  
I shrugged one shoulder. "I've been alright. Been worse, for sure."  
  
"I see." She wanted me to elaborate, I could tell by the look on her face, but she didn't press. We were still on shaky ground with each other.  
  
"You still living with… mom and dad?" It felt weird calling them that now. I hadn't seen or heard from them in so long. At what point do you lose the privilege of being called 'mom' or 'dad'?  
  
"Yeah…" She nodded slowly, looking down. "I told mom I got back in contact with you. She doesn't say anything, but I can tell that she misses you. We all do."  
  
"You and mom, I could believe that. But dad?" I snorted. No way.  
  
"I think he does, in his own way. He's made mistakes you know?" She was trying to defend him, but I didn't really want to hear it.  
  
"If he believed he made a mistake, don't you think he'd have at least, I don't know, reached out to me?" My voice was as sarcastic as it was bitter.  
  
"He's too prideful." She met my gaze with her dark brown eyes. "You know that."  
  
"I don't want to talk about him." I held up my hands. "I'll just get in a shitty mood."  
  
"Okay." She nodded. "I understand."  
  
"So, you have a boyfriend I should be worried about?"  
  
She blushed prettily and shook her head. "No, not at the moment."  
  
"Good, I didn't want to have to be all big brotherly and protective." I winked and then frowned. "What about a girlfriend?"  
  
She shook her head again. "No, I'm straight."  
  
"Our parents must be relieved." I sipped on my coffee. "How's school?"  
  
"It's good." She shrugged. "What about you, though? Do you have a… boyfriend?"  
  
My lips turned down at the end. "No. I've never had a boyfriend, truthfully."  
  
"Really?" She looked surprised. "Why?"  
  
"Cause I have a thing for unavailable men." I thought of Masashi and then Tanaka. At least Tanaka was on his way out of his relationship, and I didn't actually sleep with him. Masashi's relationship didn't seem to be going anywhere, and neither did ours.  
  
"Oh. That sucks." She gave me a small smile.  
  
"Tell me about it." I chuckled. "Someday though."  
  
"We'll have to go on a double date someday."  
  
"I don't know about that. That might be really awkward." I took a drink of my coffee. I could see me going on a double date with someone like Nanase, but my sister? "As long as I can interrogate the hell out of him, I guess, maybe."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll have to find a guy capable of withstanding intense family interrogations."  
  
I snorted. "Good luck finding one that can withstand our father."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I have better odds than you."  
  
I opened my mouth to reply but just paused and closed it. My hand tightened on my mug. The statement was innocent, but it hurt. There was a time when I wanted nothing but his approval, as any little boy wanted from his father. There was a time when I believed he would be okay with my sexuality because he loved me. Because I was his son.  
  
My expression must have showed what I was feeling. "I… I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it like that." She stumbled over her words. "I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. Ritsu, I-"  
  
I held up my hand to cut her off. "It's okay." I know she didn't mean anything by it. My sister was the least malicious person I knew. She was truly kind, and always seemed to see the good in people. She always defended people.  
  
She bit her lip. I could see the guilt plainly on her face. I smiled reassuringly. "Really, it's okay."  
  
She nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "You said… You said you moved. How do you like your new place?"  
  
"I like it a lot." I said, then remembered something. I reached into my backpack for a pen and piece of paper. I wrote on it before I handed it to her. "Here, my new address. In case you need it for whatever."  
  
Her face lit up as she took the piece of paper. "Thanks." She smiled and stuck it in her purse.  
  
I shrugged. "Course."  
  
My phone rang and vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to check the caller I.D., and then shoved it right back in my pocket. It was Masashi, again. He had been calling and texting me a lot over the past two days, but I just wasn't in the mood. I did at least text him that I was fine when he seemed to really be freaking out, and text me he was going to come over. I was almost surprised he hadn't come over, but I was glad. But I was going to have to see him in class today.  
  
"You can take that if you need to." Sasha glanced down at my hand still in my jacket pocket.  
  
I shook my head. "Nah. Nothing that can't wait till later."  
  
We chatted for the little time we had left, and I really enjoyed it. It was nice having my sister back, even if we were still a little distant. It would take time but I think we could restore our relationship to what it was. At least I could say that about one of my relationships.  
  
Eventually, I had to get going to class. I hugged her before I left, and told her we'd have to meet up again soon. I jogged part of the way to school, since I'd left a little later than I had intended to, but I mostly walked fast. I didn't really care that much if I missed a couple minutes of this class. I could miss the whole lecture if I needed to but I was trying to correct my crooked ways. That meant going to class like a good boy. And not sleeping with strangers.  
  
I rounded the last corner and nearly ran right into the back of somebody. They heard me coming and turned, and of course it would be Sion. He was on the phone but he smiled when he saw it was me.  
  
"I gotta go. Later." He said and then hung up. "Morning, Ritsu."  
  
"Morning." I said and we started walking down the sidewalk together. "Early class?"  
  
"Yeah, no other reason to be here this early." He rubbed his face with his hands. He had circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been getting enough sleep.  
  
"I never know with you, Sion. Sometimes I think studying is the highlight of your week." I said sarcastically, bumping into his shoulder. The gateway to our school was just up ahead.  
  
He rolled his eyes and ignored my comment. "Is your friend Ran actually insane, or is it just me?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh no, trust me, he's insane. Why do you ask?"  
  
"He's the most persistent person I've ever met in my fucking life. No matter how many different ways I find to say no, he _always_ gets what he wants." He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Is it just me?"  
  
I laughed, really laughed. Finally, someone else who was as dumbfounded as me. Finally, someone else who was at Ran's mercy. "No, trust me, it's not just you. Ran is a force of nature, there's nothing you can do to stop him."  
  
"I swear," He shook his head. "I've been to more gay bars since meeting him then I ever, ever, needed to go to."  
  
"I'm not surprised." I chuckled. We were turning to walk through the gate to the school but something across the street caught my attention. I turned my head to see what it was, and then I stopped in my tracks. He was standing across the street, staring right at me. I felt my breath leave me, and my heart accelerate.  
  
"Where'd you meet him anyway?" Sion's voice sounded far away, and muffled by the beating of my heart.  
  
Hearing from him and seeing him were two totally different things.  
  
Zelch waved at me, a smile on his face.  
  
What the fuck was I going to do? If he knew where I went to school, he most definitely knew where I lived. How did he find out? Why was he doing this?  
  
"Ritsu?" Ran grabbed my shoulder and I jumped, turning to look at him. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."  
  
I blinked at him a few times and nodded. "I'm… I'm fine." My voice was shaky. I shrugged his hand off and continued walking onto campus. I didn't look back, I didn't need to. I knew what he was telling me. I could hear his deep voice. Almost as if it was pressed against my ear again.  
  
" _You're mine._ "  
  
-  
  
  
I was watching my school's basketball team practice, but in reality I was just avoiding leaving. I didn't want to go out there, where he might be. I hadn't gone to class, there was no way I could have focused on anything anyway. I'd been in this gym since seven, when I'd split off from Sion. I had told him I was going to the bathroom before I headed to class, and I'd meet him there. But I didn't.  
  
It was eleven now, and I still wasn't much calmer. My phone was on vibrate, and I ignored the messages I got from Masashi. I couldn't focus on him right now. He probably just wanted to apologize, but I didn't care about our fight anymore.  
  
I just cared that Zelch was closing in on me, and there was nothing I could do. I felt like an animal caught in a trap that I had triggered. Guess this is the price I pay for losing who I was and sleeping with strangers.  
  
The basketball team had gotten here about half an hour ago, and at least now I had something to try to divert my attention to. But sports weren't really my thing, and I didn't know any of the people on the team. I sighed and leaned back against the bleachers. I was going to have to leave sooner or later. I couldn't exactly stay here forever.  
  
I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. I left the gym and walked down the hallways. Some classes were still going on, but none of them were mine. I had a couple today, but they were already over. I started work around one, so I still had a little time.  
  
I was walking down a hall that lead to the side entrance where I'd gotten punched for being smart with a jock. Not my best moment, but it almost made me smile.  
  
I heard running behind me and my heart automatically quickened, despite knowing that Zelch wouldn't attack me in a populated place. He was an asshole and rapist, but he wasn't stupid.  
  
"Ritsu!" I sighed and stopped, half turning around to see Masashi jogging down the hall after me. I turned back around and entered an empty classroom, setting my bag down by the door. I crossed over to the window and sat on a desk. Now that I'd been spotted, I couldn't very well get away.  
  
He entered the room shortly, slightly out of breath. "Ritsu."  
  
"Hey." I kept my gaze on a tree outside. It was kind of an ugly tree.  
  
"You've been avoiding me." He stated, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Yeah." I shrugged. "Haven't felt much like talking."  
  
I heard him sigh and move closer. "I wanted to… apologize for the other night. You were right. I should've told her not to come. It wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere. He usually did when he apologized. He wasn't truly at fault. It was both our faults. It took two people to have sex. And she was his girlfriend after all. I was just… What was I?  
  
"It's fine." I shrugged again. "I forgive you."  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked, and moved closer again.  
  
"You think because I forgive you means I'm not okay?" I smiled softly and turned my head to look at him.  
  
"Well no… But I just thought you'd be a lot.. angrier."  
  
"I was. But I'm not anymore." He blinked at me, obviously confused. "I'm the one in the wrong, anyways."  
  
"How do you figure?" He asked, a frowned forming on his face. My attitude was confusing him, that was plain. But I honestly wasn't mad at him anymore. I had other things on my mind.  
  
"Ishihara is your girlfriend. You have every right to invite her to your place." I stated, sliding my gaze back to the tree outside. "I'm just some guy you fuck occasionally."  
  
I heard his slight intake of breath, but I didn't look at him. "Ritsu… I-"  
  
I cut him off. "I almost fucked someone after I left your house." I hadn't really meant to tell him, but here they were, the words slipping past my lips. I met his gaze and could see his evident shock, and worry. "I went to this bar that's just a little out of the way. I just wanted a drink, that's all I went for. But this guy came up to me and started hitting on me… And I.. just slipped right back into who I'd become, you know?"  
  
He ran a hand through his hair when I paused, gathering my thoughts. He was getting ready to say something when I spoke again. "Seducing him was easy. I ended up in a hotel with him, and I was going to sleep with him. I had every intention to."  
  
"But?" He pried when I paused again.  
  
"But something just… clicked inside me. Suddenly it felt wrong. I didn't want it, and I didn't want him." I pulled one of my knees onto the desk against my chest.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
I shrugged. "I told him I couldn't, and he backed off. We smoked and talked until the hour was up. Nothing happened." Except for a heart-to-heart with a total stranger.  
  
But I guess that was better than fucking said stranger.  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" He shifted on his feet and averted his gaze out the window. I wondered briefly if he was looking at the ugly tree.  
  
"I don't know." I sighed and leaned my chin on my knee. "I just… I'm…" I stopped, because I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say.  
  
He blew out a long breath. He looked troubled. This conversation definitely hadn't gone as he expected. "I don't know what you expect me to say."  
  
"I don't think I was expecting you to say anything." I wasn't really sure what I had expected at all. Anger? Betrayal? I don't know. "I'm sorry I made a scene in front of your mom."  
  
He shook his head. "You don't have to be sorry."  
  
"I am." I reached out and took his hand in mine. "I'm sorry for a lot of things."  
  
His lips turned down at the end. "You're not the only one here to blame, Ritsu. It takes two people to do what we've done."  
  
"A year ago did you think you'd be where you are now?" I smiled softly, knowing the answer.  
  
He chuckled softly. "Fuck no."  
  
"Me either." I definitely never expected to be sleeping with Masashi. I never expected anything from him. I had accepted defeat before I'd fought. But now I felt defeated in a different way.  
  
And I certainly never thought I'd have a psycho stalker who was probably waiting for me outside the building somewhere. The thought turned my mood sour, and I averted my gaze back out to the ugly tree. I let go of Masashi's hand with a small sigh.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" When I didn't answer he took my chin in his hand and turned my face to his. I met his concerned gaze. "Look at me, Ritsu. What's wrong? You seem really off. Are you sure you're not mad at me?"  
  
"I'm not mad at you, Masashi." I wonder if I sounded as defeated as I felt.  
  
"Sion said you were acting weird on the way onto campus, and you never showed for class. But you're still here. What's going on?" His hand dropped from my chin to my knee.  
  
"I saw him…" The words were barely a whisper. I was afraid to say them out loud, as if that would make it real.  
  
Realization crossed Masashi's features almost instantly. "Zelch?"  
  
I nodded. "He was outside campus this morning." My stomach churned just thinking about how close he'd already gotten to me.  
  
Masashi sucked in a breath. "Fucking hell."  
  
I met his worried gaze again. "I don't understand how he found me. It's not like I gaze him my real name."  
  
"I don't know." Masashi shook his head. "Why is he after you?"  
  
"I have no idea. I didn't give him any reason to, that I know of." I shook my head. I really didn't know why he was after me, or what I'd done to make him so fucking persistent. I believe he only went after Zin to get to me. He had shown no previous interest in Zin, and from what I'd heard he hadn't contacted him in any way. No, I was his target. He'd made that clear. "I'm afraid of what he'll do."  
  
"So am I.." His voice was quiet. He moved forward and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck automatically and breathed in his familiar scent. He always smelled good. It calmed me, and I dropped my head onto his shoulder. I realized how tired I really was. When was the last time I'd had an actual full nights sleep? My phone vibrated in my pocket and he pulled back so I could get it. But I silenced it without taking it out, whoever it was could wait.  
  
"You don't think…" I looked back up at him, but his eyes were on the floor. He swallowed. "Do you think he'd really hurt you?"  
  
He knew the answer to that, as plainly as I did. He wanted me to reassure him that I was going to be okay, that I wasn't in any real danger. But I couldn't do that, because the opposite was true. I wasn't sure exactly how badly Zelch would hurt me, or how far he would go, but he obviously wasn't above breaking the law.  
  
"I think he'd really hurt me," I said simply. "Because he's done it before."  
  
He shuddered, and for the first time in a long time I saw Masashi look terrified. Terrified for me. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. After a few moments he seemed to compose himself. "I'm… What can we do?"  
  
"I don't know. Ran and Nanase suggested I remain with somebody, and not to stay at my apartment alone. I don't think he'd attack me if I was with someone, but I don't really know." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I suppose it depends on how desperate he gets."  
  
Masashi nodded. "Then we'll have to make sure you're never alone. If I can't be with you, can Nanase or… Ran was it?"  
  
I nodded. "I think we could figure something out."  
  
"Is there anyone else that could fill in if needed?"  
  
I thought of Jun first, for some reason. But I didn't have his number anyway, since I'd simply entered myself into his phone. So until he called me, that wasn't possible. Except I knew where he lived, so if I got really desperate… Okay, you're getting off track Ritsu. "Well… There's Hibiki, Zin and Ma- Renji. They'd be easiest to explain it to, because they already know of his… previous actions." I explained. "Hibiki and Zin already know he's gotten in contact with me, too."  
  
"Okay." He nodded, and this sort of determined expression washed over his features. "We'll figure it out, okay?"  
  
I nodded, honestly feeling relieved. The last thing I wanted to do was face this alone, so it was nice to have someone beside me.  
  
Part of me was concerned about dragging Nanase into this. She didn't pose as much of a threat. If Zelch did decide to attack me regardless of company, he'd be smart about it and wait until I was with someone he could take easily. Nanase was the move vulnerable in that case. And I would never forgive myself if something happened to her because of me. Or any of them.  
  
"You ready to go?" Masashi picked his bag up off the floor and slung it over his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah." I hopped down off the desk and grabbed my own bag on our way out the door. We continued to the side entrance I'd been on my way to earlier. I'd be lying if my heart wasn't hammering in my chest with simply the thought of leaving the quiet safety of this building.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once it's not Masashi that Ritsu argues with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is chapter twenty-fuckin-one. Not a lot of excitement going on in this one, sorry ~ It's kinda a transition chapter to connect to later destinations... I'm really tired. 
> 
> Okay, as always, thanks for reading this far and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

  
I was in a relatively awkward situation. Nanase was sitting on one end of the couch, and on the other end was Masashi. As for me, I was standing in my kitchen looking at my empty fridge. Truthfully, I was in here to escape the disaster waiting to happen in my living room.   
  
"Ritsu, you have any beer?" Nanase calls over the back of the couch.   
  
I glanced back into my empty fridge, and I mean empty. Seriously, the only thing in my fridge was milk and cheese. I had not been shopping in quite some time. I had run out of literally everything to cook now, so I would have to go soon.   
  
"Nope." I answer as I shut the fridge. I made my way back over to the couch. "I don't have anything but milk and cheese."   
  
"Dude, that milk has been in there for a suspiciously long time." She crinkled her nose at me. "There's no way it's not expired."  
  
I shrugged. "The only thing I use milk for is cereal and I ran out of cereal two weeks ago."  
  
"You do realize the store is not that far from where we currently sit? Like you could walk there." She pointed out sarcastically. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you walk past it on your way to school."  
  
"She has a point." Masashi nodded.  
  
"I'm too lazy." I plopped back down onto the couch between them.   
  
"Can we order something?" Nanase asked, getting up from her spot on the couch. "I'm starving."  
  
"Of course, Your Highness." I smiled. "What would the queen like?"  
  
She rolled her eyes at me and I chuckled. "Gimme your phone, mine died." She reached forward to try and take it out of my hoodie pocket.   
  
I stood up quickly and dodged her, nearly tripping on Masashi's feet as I walked around the couch. "Oh hell no. Last time, you ordered way too much food and made me invite Ran and Sion over. Ran and Sion. In the same room."   
  
"Oh come on, it was a total success!" She set her hands on her hips.   
  
"I don't think Sion would agree with you." I chuckled with a shake of my head.   
  
"Oh? Have they hooked up yet? Cause I think they'd be cute." She followed me around the side of the couch, but I moved away again. Masashi simply watched us, sipping on a glass of water.   
  
"No clue, but apparently Sion has been to a couple gay bars since meeting him." I shook my head. "No one can withstand the force that is known as Ran."  
  
"Or maybe you just give in too easily." Nanase plopped back down onto the couch with a huff. "Order pizza."  
  
"Oh no, trust me. Ran is a force of nature that is unstoppable." I pulled my phone out of my pocket to do as I was bid. "Meat lovers, right?" I guessed, because it was the only thing she ever ordered. The pizza place answered and put  me on hold, assuring me someone would be right with me.   
  
"You know I love my meat." She said and wiggled her eyebrows.   
  
I shook my head. "Nanase. No."  
  
"And I know how you like your meat." She clucked her tongue. "Right, Masashi?"  
  
Masashi choked on his water, and coughed several times. His cheeks turned red and he kept his eyes averted to the floor.   
  
I just stopped and stared at her. I shouldn't have been surprised she said it. She'd been waiting to make a jab at Masashi all night.   
  
"Nobody? I thought it was a good joke. " She sighed.  
  
"Enough." I said quietly. Her dark eyes met mine and I knew she wasn't done. I think she was still angry at Masashi for leading me along. I couldn't really blame her but still.   
  
"Almost as good as the one with the guy who fucked his best friend behind his girlfriend's back." She added, keeping her tone light but I could see the anger in her eyes.   
  
Masashi's mouth dropped open and I closed my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. I vaguely heard the pizza guy come back on the line. I snapped my phone shut and looked back to Nanase.   
  
"You, come here." I pointed at her and headed to my front door. "Now."  
  
Masashi looked at me as she passed him, but I didn't see any anger there. That was good at least.   
  
I exited the apartment and waited for the sound of the door closing behind her before I turned around to face her. "What the fuck was that?"  
  
She crossed her arms. "Just telling truths, Ritsu."  
  
"No, you're making snide comments that aren't helping the situation." I snapped at her.   
  
Her lips turned down at the ends, her anger evident. "He's the one who fucks you and leaves you and yet I'm the one you're mad at?"  
  
Her words cut me, and I could tell by the look on her face that she knew. She regretted it. I wasn't the one she was actually mad at, after all. Even if I already knew everything she was saying, it didn't make it hurt less. Not to mention her opinion meant a lot to me.  "Yeah, he fucks me. He leaves me for someone else, repeatedly. But this is my choice, Nanase. Not yours."  
  
"It's a shitty fucking choice, Ritsu!" She nearly yelled.   
  
"Well it's too bad we can't choose who we love, isn't it?" I said bitterly.  
  
She sighed and her shoulders sagged forward. She may be angry, but she wasn't entirely unreasonable. "Ritsu…"   
  
I pulled a pack of cigarettes from my back pocket and pulled a single one out. I lit it, taking a long draw from it before I answered. "I understand that you're just worried about me. But he's not the only one in the wrong. We've both fucked up a lot."  
  
"I just… hate to see you hanging on to someone who isn't really yours." She said this quietly.   
  
"That's my choice." I said simply.   
  
"I know." She ran a hand through her long hair. "I just hate it."  
  
"I know you do." I took a draw and blew it out. "Go home, Nanase. We'll talk about this more later."  
  
She looked up at me in surprise. "Ritsu, I-"   
  
"Please, just go home for tonight." I cut her off. I hated to send her away like this, but I didn't feel like I had much choice. She couldn't be trusted to behave herself around Masashi. And on top of that, I didn't want her to get in the cross fire of anything that might go down.   
  
She nodded, swallowing roughly. "Okay. My purse is inside, can I…?"  
  
I nodded and walked by her, opening the door. I stood by the door while she came back in, grabbing her purse and jacket. She hugged me on her way by. "I'm sorry." She whispered in my ear before she released me and left.   
  
I closed the door and sighed, leaning forward until my forehead was against the door.   
  
"Ritsu?" Masashi called from behind me. I turned to see him standing a little ways off, looking rather uncertain and out of place.   
  
"I'm sorry about that." I made a gesture toward the door. "She's just… protective of me."  
  
Masashi just sort of shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "Everything she said was true."  
  
Part of me was surprised he wasn't angry. "Doesn't mean she has to make snide comments."   
  
"I deserve them." He said quietly, his eyes dropping to the floor.   
  
I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist automatically. "You don't."   
  
He didn't say anything, instead just leaning forward and dropping his head onto my shoulder. "You didn't have to make her leave."  
  
"She was too angry to behave herself." I stated simply.   
  
"Are you?"  He pulled back to look at me. His dark eyes looked sad as they met mine. "Angry with me, I mean. Because you have every right to be, Ritsu. I've done wrong by you so many ti-"  
  
I leaned forward and pecked him on the lips, effectively cutting off his sentence. "I'm not mad at you."  
  
His sigh sounded like relief, and he leaned forward again and kissed me softly, slowly. His hand came up to cup my cheek as he tilted his head slightly to the side. There was no rush or urgency, it was just soft, tender and almost lazy. It was the kind of kiss I craved most.   
  
He pulled back with a small sigh. He smiled and pecked me on the lips again, before he moved back towards the kitchen. I trailed after him slowly.  
  
"You still want to order pizza?" He asked as he pulled my milk out of the fridge and threw it away.   
  
I shrugged. "Only if you're hungry. I had a late lunch."  
  
"So did I. I'm good." He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. I sat on one of my barstools, my elbows on the counter and just watched him. He really was hot. His hair was slightly longer than he usually kept it. You could tell his body was well toned even under his sweatshirt. He managed to stay tan year round somehow.   
  
"What?" He asked after a few minutes of silent and a few minutes of me staring.   
  
"Just thinking about how gorgeous you are." I say with a smile.   
  
He blinks at me once before he slowly smiles back. "You're not too bad yourself."  
  
I often wondered how he really saw me. He found me attractive to some extent obviously, but did he think I was hot? I wasn't sure. I didn't suppose it truly mattered. After all, it wasn't like we were dating. I didn't feel like I could ask these sort of questions.   
  
Since neither of us were hungry we ended up watching a movie in my bedroom. I felt safe with him lying beside me, and I soon found myself drifting to sleep. The last thing I remembered before sleep took me was his fingers running through my hair.   
  
  
When I woke up I was tucked under one of Masashi's arms. He was fast asleep, his hair falling cutely into his face. There was a vibration that the fog of sleep didn't help me to understand. I blinked tiredly, sitting up and letting Masashi's arm fall from my waist. I fumbled in my sweatpants pocket for the source of the vibrating, which turned out to be my phone. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, putting my back to Masashi as I answered without even looking at the caller I.D. I was too tired to give a fuck who it was.   
  
I answered with a hoarse but quiet, "Hello?"  
  
" _Ritsu?_ " A male's voice said questioningly.   
  
I chuckled softly, immediately recognizing the voice. "I was wondering when you were going to call."  
  
Jun's breathy laugh floated through my phone. " _Well, I didn't want to seem too desperate. Y'know what I'm saying?_ "  
  
"No, course not." I said, my voice laced with my amusement. "What are you up to?"  
  
" _Oh, you know. Having more fun than I can handle._ " I had a feeling that was actually true. " _How bout you?_ "  
  
"Literally nothing." I chuckled softly. "Just been sleepin around all day."   
  
He paused for a long time before he snickered, and I realized how that might have sounded. " _I thought you gave that up, Hikari?_ "   
  
I snorted and rolled my eyes, despite his being unable to see me. "I meant in the literal sense."  
  
He tsked, clearly amused. Actually, he was always amused. " _That's no fun._ "  
  
"You know it. Boring as ever." I joked, because we both knew I enjoyed what I was doing now far more than sleeping with strangers. Well, sometimes I wanted to go back to my old stress relieving ways. My run-in with Tanaka proved that.   
  
" _Well-_ " He paused and I heard someone talk on the other end. I couldn't make out what they said, but I heard his response. " _What? No, you can't, I-_ "   
  
And then I heard shuffling, before a female's voice came over the phone. " _Ritsu! Long time no see._ "  
  
"Sil?" I questioned, but I was pretty sure it was her.   
  
" _The one and only._ " She said, her voice high and laughing. " _I heard my brother keeps running into you._ "  
  
"Yeah, that's right. Pretty weird, huh?" I felt Masashi stir behind me, just before an arm snaked around my waist and pulled me backwards. I went with an ' _oof_ ', my head ending up resting on his chest. I turned my head, phone still against my ear, to meet his eyes. He looked me sleepily.   
  
" _Yeah, I thought so. But it's good cause now I can stop hearing him whine about how he never got your num-_ " I heard more shuffling and a laughing protest before Jun's voice came back on.  
  
" _You didn't hear that._ " He stated, his voice laced with irritated amusement.   
  
"I'm pretty sure I did." I smirked, still looking into Masashi's dark brown eyes. He quirked an eyebrow at me. "But I'll let it go if you give her a high five for me."  
  
" _…fine_." He muttered, and then I heard a shortly after.   
  
"Thanks." I leaned up on one elbow, keeping the phone pressed to my ear before I pecked Masashi on the lips.   
  
" _Yeah, yeah._ " He mumbled. " _We should all hang out sometime._ "  
  
My lips were hanging over Masashi's, and I could see the glint of desire in his eyes.   
  
"That would be fun." I agreed lightly. "Give me a call when you're free."  
  
" _I will do that._ " He promised. We hung up after that, and I tossed my phone aside. I swung my leg over Masashi's waist to straddle him, my lips finding his again with an urgency he responded to immediately. He flipped us over and pinned me under him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he did so. He sat up and pulled his shirt off, tossing it over the side of the bed. He leaned down and kissed me, before tugged on my shirt. I took the hint and removed it. I don't know where it ended up as his lips found mine again.  
  
  
-  
  
  
Sion's exasperated sigh from beside me caught my attention, and I turned to look at him. We were sitting in a classroom, waiting for a lecture to begin. The teacher was apparently running late. I was going over Sion's notes from the this class's last lecture, since I had missed it. His notes were almost annoyingly organized.   
  
He noticed I was watching him, and he met my gaze. Apparently that was enough of an encouragement for him to explain what was exasperating him so much. "I fucking _swear_ your friend will be the death of me."  
  
I openly laughed at this. "Now what has Ran done?"   
  
"He's just so insistent. He texts me all the time and he-" He was cut off by the phone in his hand ringing. He held it up for me to see the caller I.D., and lo and behold, it was Ran. "See what I'm saying? This dude is crazy, Ritsu, _crazy._ "   
  
I breathed out a chuckle. "You don't have to tell me that."  
  
He answered the phone, flinching slightly when Ran's loud voice come over. I couldn't make out what he was saying, though. Sion was silent for a while as Ran rambled on, until he said. "Wait, wait, wait. You did what?"  
  
Ran repeated himself and Sion gave a low sigh. "I'm busy that night." A short pause. "What? Oh, I'm going to this party thing with a friend."   
  
I wondered idly if Sion was actually going to a party or if he said that to get out of whatever Ran wanted to do. And if he was just trying to get out of it, saying he was going to a party was not the right excuse. If Ran was good at anything, it was partying. Sion lifted his hand and slowly pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, well, I mean I'm pretty sure you have to have an invitation. It's kinda a private- what? I don't think anyone would really notice but-"  
  
Yeah, he still had a lot to learn about Ran, that was for certain. "It starts at eight, what does that have to do with any- oh, _oh._ "  
  
I couldn't help the low laugh that bubbled up my throat. Sion was looking as exasperated as ever, like he couldn't believe things weren't going the way he'd thought they would. Sion liked control. Sion could not control Ran. That exasperated Sion. "Ran," He said with barely controlled impatience. "This lecture is about to start, so we'll talk about this later."   
  
After a beat of talking on Ran's end, he hung up. He looked at me with a mixture of shocked, irritation, and just plain exasperation. I think he was trying to form words around his own shock but it came out like, "huh?" and "hah?"  
  
"Oh, man. You have so much to learn about Ran. You really thought saying you were going to a party would get you out of whatever he had planned?" I covered my mouth to muffle my snicker. "Partying is Ran's number one hobby."  
  
Sion shook his head, like that would clear his head of his own exasperated shock. "I just thought… that if I said I had plans he would just... reschedule or something."  
  
I tried not to laugh… and failed. He looked completely unimpressed with me. "Dude, let me explain you a thing. There is no such this as rescheduling when it comes to Ran."  
  
"I'm beginning to see that." Sion said miserably.   
  
"So are you actually going to a party?" I asked, too amused to let it be.   
  
"What party?" I looked over to see Masashi slide in beside me. We'd come to school together but he'd gone to his locker to change into his extra pair of clothes he kept here, because he hadn't had time to go home first. And he didn't want me to walk to campus by myself.   
  
I smirked. "Sion's all caught up in a trap known as Ran."  
  
Masashi chuckled as he pulled his own notes out of his bag.   
  
"It's not funny for fuck's sake." Sion threw his hands up.   
  
"No, it's hilarious." I countered. "But seriously, are you really going to a party or were you just trying to get out of going to anymore gay bars?"  
  
"Both." He admitted with a sigh. "There is a party, I just wasn't planning to go. But now it looks like I am going."  
  
I snickered again and shook my head. The professor came in then, apologizing for being late. "Well," I bumped my shoulder against Sion's teasingly. "Good luck with that."  
  
He snorted. I slid his notes back to him and focused back on the professor.   
  
  
-  
  
I sat across from Nanase at a small cafe near my place because I still hadn't gone shopping so I had no food. I was starving to say the least and ordered more pancakes than I could probably eat. She smiled as I ordered, sipping on her coffee. I hadn't spoken to her since we'd argued. But she was staying with me tonight because Masashi wasn't free, nor was Ran, and I hadn't thought to ask Hibiki and Zin. I didn't really want to impose on them, or lead Zelch to Zin's front door. Not that I thought Zin was really a target anymore, but better safe than sorry.   
  
She met my gaze once the waitress left and she sighed softly, lowering her mug back to the table. She got straight to the point.  "Listen, Ritsu. I'm really sorry about the the other night. I shouldn't have said what I said, regardless of whether it was true or not."   
  
"I'm not really the one you should be apologizing to, Nanase." I said, leaning my elbows forward on the table. "But I accept your apology. I was mad, yeah, but I get that you're just worried about me. I don't blame you for being mad at him, but please try to keep your remarks to a minimum in the future, yeah?"  
  
She gave me a small sad smile. "Thank you. I'll apologize to him too… I just.. hate seeing you in pain, Ritsu. I mean… just try to imagine if our positions were reversed."  
  
I grimaced. "I'd have been worse than you were, most likely."   
  
She shrugged. "I am sorry, though."   
  
"I know you are." I reached across the table and pulled on a stand of her long dark hair. "Thanks."  
  
"So we're cool?" She asked, her expression hopeful.   
  
"We're cool." I nodded and smiled. I had been mad at the time, but it dissipated pretty easily. Honestly, I couldn't blame her. I'd be just as bad if not worse if our positions were revered, as she pointed out. I would hate seeing her in pain. As a friend, asking her to sit by and watch me struggle against a tide I could change with a few simple words, wasn't exactly fair. But still, that's what I was asking.   
  
She looked relieved, and tried to hide it as she drank from her coffee.   
  
"By the way," I said, my smile widening. "Sion seems to be caught up in Ran's web already."  
  
She smiled at that. "Perfect. Have they done anything yet?"  
  
I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. "Not that I know of. I'm sure I'll hear if they do, all Sion's done is complain about how persistent Ran is." I said, and then proceeded to explain the phone call I'd heard yesterday. She laughed at that, her eyes bright with her amusement.   
  
Our food arrived shortly after that, and we dived in with little conversation. Nanase was almost always too absorbed by her food to make conversation while she ate. It was pretty amusing.   
  
My phone rang and with a sigh, I pulled it out of my pocket. But I smiled when I saw the caller I.D. I hit send and lifted the phone to my ear. "Hey."  
  
" _Hey, yourself._ " Jun's said.   
  
"What's up?" I asked, pretending I wasn't shoveling pancakes into my mouth.  
  
" _So, I know this is like really short notice but…_ " He said, sounding hopeful and apologetic all at once. " _Sil and I were wondering if you were free tonight._ "  
  
"Give me a sec." I held my phone over the receiver. I met Nanase's questioning gaze with a smile. "How would you like to meet an amusing pair of twins?"   
  
She simply nodded, a smile spreading over her face as well.  
  
"Where?" I asked him.  
  
His chuckle was low, before he gave me his address. We hung up after I assured him we'd be over in a little bit.   
  
"Who was that?" Nanase asked, her head tilting slightly to the side.  
  
"Jun. The guy I told you I ran into a while back."   
  
"Oh, cool. I've always wanted to meet more of the people you screwed." She said teasingly.   
  
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Anyways, his sister Sil is there too."  
  
"Is she cool?"  
  
"Yeah, I think you'll like her." I nodded, more to myself than her really. "You're alike in many ways."   
  
The word _tornado_ crossed my mind but I didn't mention it.  
  
"In good ways?" She stabbed at a blueberry that rolled off her pancake.  
  
"Oh my, Your Highness, you confess you're not perfect?"  
  
She just rolled her eyes at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably way more amused with Ran than any of you are. *sigh*
> 
> Anywho, feedback is always greatly appreciated. It motivates me. So does coffee. And donuts.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night with those blue-eyed twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a road trip and I wrote this entire chapter in one sitting. I really thought I was going to go insane. 
> 
> But I'm pleased with how it turned out, so I hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> Also, I'll be at a horse show for the next eight days so there might not be anymore updates till after it. I'll write if I have time.

After I'd paid for Nanase and I's meal, we started toward Jun's place. It was a good half hour walk but neither of us cared. Someday I would buy a car. Nanase apparently just liked walking because she could use of  her parent's cars, but she never did. Weirdo.  
  
"So you never did tell me what happened after you fought with Masashi." She mentioned after a few minutes of walking in silence.  
  
"Oh, that's right. I didn't did I?" I nodded, shoving my hands in my pockets. "Well, I…"  
  
Something stopped me. I realized I didn't want to tell her about Tanaka. I didn't want to tell anyone about Tanaka. I had told Masashi already, but I hadn't gone into details about what we said. My night with Tanaka felt so… private. I didn't want to disclose that to anyone, not yet anyway. I wasn't ready to share that. Maybe I never would be.  
  
"Well…?" She prodded, confused about why I stopped.  
  
So I told her basically what I told Masashi. I left out how it had turned into a sort of heart-to-heart with a stranger that had turned out to be exactly what I'd needed. Possibly what we both needed. I gave her basics, and I didn't go into details. I didn't need to after she got the gist of it.  
  
She nodded, her expression thoughtful. "Well… I'm glad you didn't go through with it. But you know I support you, with everything." She rolled her eyes, and I knew all at once that she was referring to Masashi. She didn't like what I had going on with him but she supported me nonetheless. She was an amazing friend.  
  
And I could see it again, clear as day. Myself in Tanaka's shoes. A daughter, and Nanase as my… wife. I could see it so vividly it was shocking. If things were different, if I hadn't come out… I could've ended up with her, possibly for the rest of my life. I could've made her happy. I wonder if I'd have been happy.  
  
"Thanks." I smiled and reached my hand up to tug on a piece of her long hair.  
  
She hummed in response, a small smile tugging at her lips.  
  
We lapsed back into silence and I thought of Tanaka again. I couldn't help but wonder how he was now. How he was handling the divorce, how his daughter was, if he'd found anyone he was interested in…  
  
I should've asked his daughters name…  
  
I hadn't realized I'd said it out loud until Nanase spoke. "What?" She asked, her eyebrows pulling into a frown.  
  
I just shook my head. "Nothing."  
  
She shrugged and averted her gaze.  
  
"Say, Nanase."  
  
She hummed her response, my cue to continue.  
  
"You seeing anyone?" I asked. I realized I hadn't asked in a long time. I assumed she would tell me, but maybe she wouldn't.  
  
She flashed me a smile and shook her head. "Nah."  
  
"Do you like someone?"  
  
"Nope. No one has caught my eye all the recently."  
  
"Hmn."  
  
"Why?" She asked, elbowing me in the ribs.  
  
I winced slightly. "No reason, just curious."  
  
"Being curious is a reason." She said, ever the smarts.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Make me."  
  
I scowled at her, but there was no real feeling behind it.  
  
"Is there anything I should know about… Jun and…?" She frowned and then looked to me for help.  
  
"Sil. Jun and Sil." I provided. "Sil is short for something but I have no idea what."  
  
"Silent Murderess." She nodded, like that was the most probable answer.  
  
I just snorted my doubt. "Anyway, I don't think there's that much to really know. Sil is kind of a wild card, like you." I looked pointedly at her and she rolled her eyes. "Umm… She will probably shove a drink in your hand before you're even through the door." I thought of all the times she had made me dance and drink with them. And when they'd all convinced me to get up on the bar and dance.  
  
"Well," She smirked. "I'll get along with her just fine."  
  
I snorted. "That's for sure. Before the night is over, Jun and I will probably be dead."  
  
"You're such a drama queen."  
  
"At least I'm the queen of something!" I clapped my hands together in mock excitement.  
  
It was her turn to snort and she shoved my shoulder playfully. We lapsed back into silence after that again.  
  
"I'm pretty sure," I paused in front of an apartment building. "That it's this one."  
  
She looked up at the building and pursed her lips. "So he's rich?"  
  
It was true, this was definitely one of the nicest apartment buildings in town. I couldn't have afforded one of these apartment even with the good salary I was getting as an escort. I shrugged. "I guess so."  
  
I didn't know his last name, so I stood there trying to decide if I should just guess, and hope I was buzzing the correct apartment. Or maybe I should call him…  
  
The decision was made for me as someone excited the building, and I moved forward to catch the door before it closed. I held the door open for Nanase, gesturing for her to go in. We took the elevator up to their floor.  
  
"So the only guys that will be there are both gay, huh?" Nanase asked as we stepped off the elevator.  
  
"Pretty much." I chuckled. "Sad for you, huh?"  
  
She just smiled. I paused at what I was pretty sure was his door, and knocked on it lightly. The door swung open almost immediately, revealing a mess of long blonde hair and blue eyes. "Ritsu!"  
  
Sil enveloped me in a hug, squeezing me hard enough to cut off my air supply. I tapped her arm. "Can't breath."  
  
She pulled back with a giggle. Her smile was contagious and I soon found myself smiling as well. "It's been so, so, so long."  
  
"Too long." I agreed. "It's good to see you."  
  
"It's good to see you, too!" She clapped her hands together. Jun came into view behind her, a smile on his face as well.  
  
I gestured to Nanase. "This is Nanase."  
  
She smiled and gave a small wave. "It's nice to meet you. Sil, was it?"  
  
"Ohh, are you Ritsu's friend? Come in, come in. Let me get you a drink." Sil grabbed Nanase's arm and pulled her into the room. I heard Nanase's conferment as she was drug away.  
  
Jun side-stepped out of their way, letting them pass. I trailed in after them, and Jun clapped me on the back. "She's not your girlfriend right? Cause I remember you saying you weren't turning straight on me."  
  
I shook my head and chuckled. "Nah, she's my best friend."  
  
"Good deal. Want a drink?"  
  
"Yeah, please."  
  
"I'll get you one. Go take a seat on the couch, make yourself at home." He gestured toward the living room as he disappeared into the kitchen.  
  
I did as I was told and plopped onto one of the couches. The living room had been slightly rearranged since I'd been here last. The couch I was on was where a TV had been and there was a couch straight across from it. They were separated by a glass coffee table. Nanase and Sil came in shortly after me, both with drinks, and sat on the couch across from me. Sil was telling her about how she was majoring in art, and minoring in computer graphics. Nanase shot me a smile but otherwise was enveloped in what Sil was telling her.  
  
Jun came back in with two glasses and a bottle. He handed me a glass full of amber liquid before setting the bottle down on the coffee table. He sat next to me and flashed me a smile. "I'm glad you guys could make it."  
  
"Me too." I agreed, taking a sip of my drink. I wasn't a huge fan of whiskey but this wasn't bad.  
  
"So," Sil piped up, including the two of us in the conversation. "Where did you two meet?"  
  
Nanase and I exchanged a look of amusement. "At a mixer party." I said with a chuckle. "That I was literally dragged to by one of my straight friends."  
  
"And how did that go?" Jun raised an eyebrow.  
  
"First time I've ever kissed a gay guy." Nanase said, her cheeks flushing slightly. It was amusing to me that she could spew profanity left and right but when it came to herself she blushed.  
  
Sil laughed, slapping her knee once. "Oh, god. That's terrible."  
  
"She was so cute and shy but once I told her I was gay… Unleashed the monster."  
  
She snorted. "You're exaggerating."  
  
"Not by much."  
  
"So let me get this straight. You," She pointed at Nanase. "kissed him, found out he was gay, and then you guys became best friends?"  
  
Nanase and I exchanged another look. "Pretty much." She said.  
  
"That's the best thing I've ever heard." Sil laughed.  
  
Jun snorted. "You say that about everything you hear."  
  
"Not… _everything._ " She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Nearly."  
  
They bickered for several minutes, and I just smiled. They were really close siblings and it was nice to see.  
  
"I've decided I'm getting wasted tonight." Sil piped up, drink in hand.  
  
"I second that." Nanase agreed, which earned her an approving smile from Sil.  
  
"We're gonna need more booze in that case. This is the last bottle." Jun said, pouring the last of it into his glass.  
  
"Nanase and I will go buy more, then." Sil hopped up off the couch and threw her drink back, polishing off the rest of it. Nanase stood as well, but her glass was already empty again.  
  
"You want us to come with you?" Jun asked.  
  
"Nah, we got this." Sil smirked, grabbing Nanase and pulling her towards the door. She paused to grab her purse out of the kitchen.  
  
"Be careful!" I called to them, but they were already out the door.  
  
"Nanase sounds like a nice girl." Jun's low voice said softly. I turned back to see him watching me.  
  
"She is. She's being way more tame than she actually is." I chuckled with a shake of my head. "Once she warms up to you all, she's crazy."  
  
"Like my sister." Jun smirked over the rim of his glass.  
  
"Exactly like her." I agreed softly, meeting his gaze. His eyes were lit with amusement, but I never knew what he always found amusing. It gave him a sort of mischievous air about him. His eyes were a much lighter shade of blue than his sisters.  
  
I hadn't realized how long we had lapsed into silence, simply staring at each other, until he cleared his throat and averted his gaze. "So, how's… school treating you?" He asked, running a hand through his messy blond hair.  
  
"It's fine." I shrugged, returning my attention to my drink. "Boring, mostly."  
  
"What are you majoring in?" He pulled a knee up under him, so he was facing me.  
  
"Business." I shrugged again. "Are you in school?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, I started working at my father's company straight out of high school."  
  
"Oh, nice. Are you going to take the business over someday?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, looks like it." He smiled. "I've slowly been working my way up the chain since graduation."  
  
"Working your way to the top, yeah?" I smiled. "Must be nice."  
  
He shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. My dad said starting at the bottom would help me lead one day."  
  
"I can see how that would be helpful." I nodded. "I'm not sure what I really want to do once I graduate."  
  
"How long till you graduate?"  
  
"One more year." I said with soft relief. I was ready to be done. "I switched my major to business once I realized I had no interest in chasing my father's dreams."  
  
"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "What was your major before?"  
  
"Architecture. My father had high hopes that I'd be able to achieve his dream for him." I explained. It had been a long time since I'd thought about this. "He wanted to be a famous architect."  
  
"I see. But you weren't interested in architecture?"  
  
"Not even a little. I was going to do it anyway, but I finally decided that it was my life and I should do something I have more interest in." I snorted a laugh. "He was so shocked when I told him I was going to major in business instead."  
  
"Was he pissed?" He sipped on his drink.  
  
"For a while, yeah. He was probably always butt-hurt about it but he got over it once he realized he couldn't change my mind." I shrugged. "And I'm glad I did change my major, since he kicked me out when I told him I was gay."  
  
Jun grimaced. "That's harsh."  
  
"Yeah." I sighed softly. "Does your father know?"  
  
He gave a small smile. "Yeah. I had to convince him not to throw  me a 'coming out' party."  
  
I laughed lightly. "That's too funny."  
  
"He's very odd."  
  
"I guess I know where you and Sil get it, then." I smiled and he shoved my shoulder playfully.  
  
"That's probably true." His gaze found mine and he smirked lightly. He sipped from his drink before he set it down, never breaking eye contact. He reached forward and moved a strand of hair off my face, before his hand moved down to cup my cheek. His gaze flickered down to my lips once and I heard him mutter something that sounded like 'fuck it'. Then his lips were on mine, and I found myself meeting him halfway. My free hand, the other still held my drink, moved up to tangle in his blond hair. I felt him smile into the kiss, and he tilted his head to gain better access.  
  
He flicked his tongue across my bottom lip, seeking entrance that I quickly granted. Our tongues danced together, teasing, seeking.  
  
It was only when he pulled me to straddle his lap that I realized what I was doing. I pulled back abruptly, but remained straddling his lap. Both my hands rested on his shoulders now. "I… I can't." I said, more out of breath than I'd like to admit. He was a ridiculously good kisser. "I'm sorry."  
  
His eyes held no surprise, but he did look somewhat disappointed. "Are you with someone?"  
  
"No. Yes. I don't know." I sighed softly. "It's complicated."  
  
He sighed, his hands still resting on my waist. "Sounds like it."  
  
"I'm sorry." I felt bad. I shouldn't have let it go this far, especially if he actually liked me. He had been hinting at it for a while now, but I also wasn't sure if that just wasn't how he acted or if he was really interested in me.  
  
"No, it's okay." He gave me a small genuine smile. He didn't seem surprised. "You're finally exclusive though, so I'm happy for you."  
  
I grimaced and slid off his lap. His smile slowly turned into a frown as he took in my expression. "You are, aren't you?" He asked.  
  
"Yes. No. I don't know." I ran a hand through my hair. " _I'm_ exclusive, anyway."  
  
His lips turned down, and his expression sharpened. "He's cheating on you?"  
  
"No," I leaned my head against the back of the couch and met his gaze. "He's cheating on her."  
  
His face smoothed into surprise. "Oh. Well, shit."  
  
I almost smiled. "I know."  
  
"I'm sorry." He said genuinely.  
  
"Don't be." I shrugged. "I'm digging my own grave."  
  
"You love him?"  
  
"I do." As much good as it does me.  
  
"Sorry." He sighed and picked up his drink again. Uncertainty crossed his face. "Can… we still be friends? I'm sorry I kissed you."  
  
I felt relief wash over me. I smiled. "Of course. I want to stay friends, too."  
  
He looked as relieved as I felt. "Thanks."  
  
"Course."  
  
We lapsed into silence that was surprisingly not uncomfortable. I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised, since we had slept together before. It was weird to think I was friends with someone from my days as an escort, that wasn't a co-worker, that is.  
  
"You have nice lips, by the way." I said with a small smirk.  
  
He elbowed me in the side. "I know. So do you."  
  
I chuckled and shook my head.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" He asked after a minute.  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"When we slept together, back when you were an escort," He shifted to look at me. "How come you didn't charged me?"  
  
I was surprised by the question. I thought about it for a second. There were a couple of reasons but the main one… "Because when I started partying with your group I was on the clock, but by the time you and I actually slept together, my shift was over."  
  
"Oh." He said softly. "Why'd you stay and party with us once you were off the clock?"  
  
I shrugged. "I was drunk and having fun. Besides, I don't think the group would've even let me leave." I laughed at the memory.  
  
"True." He chuckled. "Especially Sil."  
  
"Especially Sil." I agreed.  
  
The apartment door opened not long after that, and Sil and Nanase came into the living room. They were both holding two brown bags. "We made it!" Sil said excitedly, as they set the bags down on the coffee table.  
  
"Welcome back." Jun said, leaning forward to see what they got. Sil pulled out a bottle of vodka, a bottle of fireball, bottle of some kind of whiskey, and lastly, a bottle of peach schnapps.  
  
"Oh god." I said, smiling. "This shit isn't going to mix well."  
  
"Don't be a baby." Nanase said, plopping herself down on the floor with her back against the couch. "We decided we're playing a drinking game."  
  
"Oh?" Jun raised an eyebrow, his gaze sliding to his sister.  
  
"Yes!" She clapped her hands together. "Sit on the floor and I'll explain."  
  
We did as we were told. Jun sat next to me. Sil went into the kitchen and came out with three shot glasses.  
  
"Okay," She said once we were all seated. She threw the brown bags to the side, and opened each bottle. She poured four shots of fireball first, and slid ours toward us. "So, heres what we decided to play. Someone will ask a question, and if everyone else answers it, the asker has to do a shot. But if someone refuses to answer, they have to do the shot. And we each take turn asking the question."  
  
"Sounds like we're going to get really drunk." I said, pulling my shot toward me.  
  
"That's the point." Nanase smiled. "Ready?"  
  
"I suppose." Jun nodded. "Who wants to go first?"  
  
"I will." Nanase raised her hand.  
  
"Go for it." Sil said, clapping her on the back. They exchanged a smile.  
  
"Okay…" She pursed her lips. "What was the last lie you told?"  
  
Shit. I tried to remember the last lie I told, but it was a careful web that I wasn't sure which was most recent.  
  
"Who answers first?" Jun asked.  
  
"Let's make it go to the right," Nanase said. "So, Sil will answer first."  
  
Sil tapped her lip in thought. "Hmm.. I told some guy I was going out of town this weekend because he wanted to hang out and I didn't."  
  
Jun chuckled. "Poor guy."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, he should try being hotter." She rolled her eyes. "Ritsu?"  
  
I grimaced. "Uhh. I told my friend I missed class cause I got sick when I was actually on campus the whole time."  
  
Close enough.  
  
"I told my cousin I couldn't visit them because my car is in the shop." Jun shrugged. "My car is outside."  
  
Sil laughed. "I told that guy I was going to visit our cousin."  
  
Jun smiled. "You should've. I think she's lonely."  
  
"Then she should try going outside." Sil waved off his comment.  
  
Nanase took her shot. "Your turn, Sil." Nanase pointed out, effectively halting that conversation.  
  
"Oh, right. Let's see…" She tapped her finger on the coffee table. "When have you loved someone who has not loved you back?"  
  
I sighed. "Now."  
  
"That sucks." Sil regarded me with a small sympathetic smile before she looked to Jun. Whom, to my surprise, threw his shot back. He grimaced as he swallowed the liquid. Sil's gaze rested on him for an extra moment before she turned to Nanase.  I wondered what Jun's answer was.  
  
Nanase pursed her lips, as she had a habit of doing. "Couple years ago, I guess."  
  
Sil nodded and then looked to me. "Your turn."  
  
I smirked, my gaze sliding to Jun. "If you could kiss anyone in this room, who would it be?"  
  
"You." He said softly, and then he smirked. "But you already knew that."  
  
"Ooh, sexual tension." Sil interjected, a large smile on her face.  
  
I lingered on Jun for a second longer before my eyes slid to Nanase. She sighed and mumbled her answer, which was impossible to make out. "What was that?"  
  
She pointed at Sil and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh?"  
  
She met Sil's gaze. "Your turn."  
  
Instead of answering vocally, Sil leaned over and grabbed a handful of Nanase's hair. She pulled Nanase's lips to her own roughly.  
  
I blinked in silent surprise. I glanced at Jun, who was wearing a similar expression of surprise.  
  
When Sil pulled back, Nanase blinked up at her. Sil smirked, and it reminded me all at once of Jun, before pecking her on the lips again. Then she sat back, her hand sliding out of Nanase's hair.  
  
Nanase sat back upright, looking rather dazed.  
  
"Well then," Jun said. "I think we know the answer to that."  
  
Sil and I laughed, and Nanase smiled softly, her lips slightly swollen.  
  
"Is it my turn?" Jun asked after a few moments of staring at one another.  
  
"Yep." Sil nodded. "Floor is yours."  
  
"What talent do you have that is embarrassing to share?"  
  
Nanase thought about it for a moment. "I'm really good at scrap-booking."  
  
"Why is that embarrassing?" Sil asked lightly.  
  
"Cause it makes it sound like I sit around on the floor at home by myself putting pictures in a book and never leave the house."  
  
"Do you?" I asked with a smile.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Okay, okay," Sil interjected. "Umm. I can lick inside my nose."  
  
"I don't think that's considered a talent." Jun said, grabbing his empty glass from where he'd left it on the table earlier and poured some whiskey in it.  
  
"Close enough." She shrugged. "Ritsu?"  
  
"Sleeping with strangers." I shrugged.  
  
"Ritsu wins." Jun chuckled and ruffled my hair. Then he refilled his shot glass with fireball and took it.  
  
"My turn." Nanase leaned forward on the table. "Who broke up with who in your last relationship, and why?"  
  
"I broke up with him," Sil rolled her empty shot glass around on the table. "Because turns out he has a weird ass foot fetish and he wanted to lick my feet as foreplay and then-"  
  
"I think that's good, Sil." Jun interrupted with a chuckle. "I don't want to know details."  
  
She huffed.  
  
"She broke up with me because she grew tired of my indifference." I said, and leaned back against the couch.  
  
Jun offered me his glass of whiskey and I took a gulp of it. "She?" He asked.  
  
"That was when I was still in denial." I shrugged.  
  
"Hm." He nodded in understanding. "He broke up with me because he thought I was fucking someone else."  
  
"Were you?" Nanase asked, her head tilted to the side.  
  
"No. He was paranoid as hell. He went through my phone constantly." He sighed at the memory. "I was so relieved when he broke it off."  
  
Sil snorted. "You should've just broken up with him."  
  
Jun shrugged. "He was a good cook. But I would've soon. I can only take so much crazy."  
  
"Okay, my turn." Sil clapped her hands together. "What fears keep you up at night?"  
  
I quickly decided I didn't want to go into that, so I picked up my shot and tossed it back. The overwhelming cinnamon flavor made me want to gag, and I forced myself to swallow the liquid. I definitely didn't feel like telling the story about how I was currently being followed around by a madman.  
  
Jun raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "I'm afraid of spiders and you know how they say you swallow like an average of eight spiders in your sleep during your life time? Well, that keeps me up at night."  
  
I laughed really hard at that. I slapped my hand down on the table and my sides hurt.  
  
"You could try duct taping your mouth shut during the night." Nanase said with the most serious expression ever, and I really died right there. I clutched at my stomach as I laughed.  
  
Jun sounded exasperated as he spoke. "It's not funny, it's seriously a problem!"  
  
I gasped much needed air, covering my mouth to muffled my remaining amusement.  
  
"Nanase?" Sil smiled, informing her it was her turn.  
  
"That I'm not sure what I want to do with my future yet." She answered, her gaze on the table.  
  
"You'll figure it out." I reassured. "Just give it time."  
  
She just nodded. "It's your turn, Ritsu."  
  
"Okay." I thought on it for a moment. "If you could be the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?"  
  
Jun chuckled. "Find out what sex for girls feels like."  
  
I smiled and then looked to Nanase.  
  
"Play with my dick." She nodded to herself.  
  
"Put my dick in someone." Sil said and then she high-fived Nanase.  
  
"I hope that someone is consenting and conscious." Jun muttered.  
  
Sil laughed and waved his comment off. "I have twenty-four hours to stick my dick in someone, I'll do what I have to."  
  
"That's called rape." I chuckled. I grabbed the bottle of vodka and filled my shot glass. I tossed it back and swallowed it. The taste wasn't much better, but anything would be better than the cinnamon overload of fireball. I turned to Jun. "Your turn."  
  
And the cycle begun again. Two hours later, the game long forgotten, we were still sitting around the coffee table. But we'd managed to move back onto the couches. We were all fairly drunk, but the girls were wasted. They didn't pace themselves very well. Jun didn't seem too drunk but he was constantly smiling and touched me even more. At some point his head had ended up in my lap and I didn't care at that point. I was running my fingers absently through his hair and his eyes were closed. We were listening to Sil tell a story full of meaningless hand gestures and animated talking.  
  
"-then when I told her she to back the fuck off my boyfriend, she fucking punched me!"  
  
"She punched you because she wouldn't stop flirting with _your_ boyfriend?" Nanase frowned, trying to comprehend that.  
  
"Right?!" She exclaimed, the word coming out slightly slurred. "So I hit that bitch back and knocked her on her ass!"  
  
"I taught her how to punch correctly." Jun piped up, his eyes remaining closed. "But I didn't think she'd be using it for cat fights."  
  
I chuckled but Sil ignored his comment, continuing her story. "And get this, my boyfriend was pissed at _me_. For hitting her after she hit me!"  
  
"That's insane." Nanase said, exasperated. She was totally caught up in the story.  
  
"Sounds like an asshole." I muttered.  
  
"Yeah, so I broke up with him on the spot and then they were in a relationship the next day. Serves him right, ending up with the ugly fat bitch."  
  
"My loving sister." Jun said, amusement coloring his tone.  
  
"You no better." She slurred, then frowned. "You're. You're no better."  
  
We talked for a while longer, but eventually Sil declared she was going to bed and then dragged Nanase off with her. Nanase had a smirk on her face and I'm pretty sure sleeping wasn't what she planned to do once they were behind closed doors. They'd been exchanging looks all night, ever since the kiss.  
  
My fingers were resting in Jun's hair, having forgotten the pattern they were rubbing. I looked down to see him already staring at me. My heart stuttered in my chest as I met his piercing blue gaze, and I told it to shut the fuck up. Silently, of course.  
  
"I want to kiss you." He said quietly.  
  
I was silent just long enough for him to sigh and sit up, and I felt a wave of irrational disappointment. He stood up and extended his hand. "Come on, let's go to bed."  
  
I took his hand, and he pulled me to my feet. I didn't ask what he meant by what he said, because I didn't care at that moment. I realized I wanted him to kiss me.  
  
He didn't let go of my hand as he pulled me toward his bedroom. He let go of my hand at the foot of the bed. "Make yourself comfortable. I'm gonna use the bathroom." He muttered, but he gestured to the bed before he walked into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and I collapsed onto the bed on my stomach, with no shame. I was too tired and too drunk to give a shit.  
  
Jun must've come back in cause I heard him chuckle. I felt the bed dip under his weight and then his hand on my shoulder, rolling me over. He was wearing shorts now, and he was shirtless. He was even more ripped than I remember. I wanted to run my hand down his abs, but I refrained.  
  
He smiled when he caught me staring. He moved to straddle my hips. He pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor. He took a moment to appreciate was he was uncovering. While I wasn't as ripped as he was by any means, I was toned. He moved down so he could reach my pants, unbuckling my belt easily and then popping the bottom open.  
  
I had a rare moment of clarity. "Jun…" My voice was quiet.  
  
He unzipped my pants and I found myself lifting my hips to help him as he slid them down.  
  
"Jun, I don't think-"  
  
He cut me off as his lips came down over mine. He kissed me slowly and teasingly, flicking his tongue across my lips but not going further than that. He caught my bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled back, and I shivered.  
  
"Don't worry, Ritsu." He said, moving back again to pull my pants off the rest of the way. "I'm not going to touch you while you're hung up on someone else."  
  
I was surprised. I had assumed that's why he was undressing me. Even through my foggy haze, I felt my respect for him grow. "Why did you remove most of my clothes, then?"  
  
"Because I didn't think you'd want to sleep in them." He answered with a shrug, still hovering over me.  
  
"I could've done it myself." Not that I was really complaining.  
  
"I like undressing you." He rolled over onto his back.  
  
"I guess that's a pretty good reason."  
  
He chuckled, and reached to turn the lamp off. The room went mostly dark, save for the light that filtered in from the street lights. I felt him move a second before his arms enfolded me, and pulled me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around him automatically, inhaling the scent of his cologne.  
  
I wasn't so drunk that I couldn't realize that this had become a very odd situation. But I was drunk enough to not give a shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the fucked up square begin. #noregrets


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've waited so long for this chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

  
I blinked my eyes open slowly at the sound of someone saying my name, and shaking me. When my eyes finally adjusted to the light filtering through the window, the first thing I noticed was a mug being held in front of my face. From the lovely aroma, it could only be coffee. I blinked up at the person holding the mug and met a pair of blue eyes and smirking mouth. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. I groaned and sat up. I partially regretted the action, my head throbbed behind my eyes.   
  
“Take these.” Jun said, handing me two blue pills and the mug. I didn’t ask what they were, and took them gratefully.   
  
“Thanks.” I muttered. I threw the pills back and took a long drink of the black liquid. A sigh passed my lips. “Are the girls up? And what time is it?”  
  
He snorted. “I haven’t heard a peep. It’s noon, I think.”   
  
“Didn’t figure. They were really drunk.” I shook my head. “How’s your head?”  
  
“Way better than their’s is going to be.” He smiled. “And yours?”  
  
“I’ve had worse.” I shrugged.   
  
“Well, there’s an extra tooth brush in there,” He gestured over his shoulder to the bathroom. “And I have extra clothes too. They’ll be too big for you but it’s better than re-wearing yours.”  
  
I looked down at my bare chest and nodded. “Thanks.”  
  
He hopped up and walked over to his dresser, rummaging through to find something that would fit me. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood before heading to the bathroom. I found the extra toothbrush and started brushing the disgusting taste out of my mouth.   
  
Jun appeared in the doorway, holding a small stack of clothes in his hand. He set them on the bathroom counter.   
  
“Thanks.” I said, but it was muffled around my mouthful of toothpaste.   
  
Jun smirked at me. “I like it when you try to talk to me with a mouthful of white stuff.”  
  
I snorted and rolled my eyes. I leaned forward and spit into the sink. “Pervert.”  
  
He gave a huff of laughter before he left the room. I changed into the clothes he gave me, and he had been right, they were slightly to large for me. They didn’t fit me any better than Masashi’s clothes did. Although Jun was taller and leaner, Masashi was a bit shorter and thicker. Both of them were still taller than me, of course.   
  
I rolled the sleeves of the shirt up and then left the room. I found Jun in the kitchen, making eggs and bacon. He handed me back the mug he’d brought me earlier, refilled.   
  
“You hungry?” He asked, glancing over at me.   
  
“Yeah, actually.” I sipped on my coffee. “You need any help?”  
  
He shook his head. “Want to go see if the girls are alive?”  
  
I wrinkled my nose. “Do I have to?”  
  
He chuckled softly. “Well, it’d be a lot less awkward for you if they turn out to be naked than it would be for me.”  
  
“Not by much.” I smiled. “Nanase is practically my sister.”  
  
Lord knows she knows more about me than my real sister does.   
  
“Either way.” He shooed me from the kitchen with his spatula.   
  
I sighed and went, walking down the short hallway to the spare bedroom. I stood outside it for a moment, trying to prepare myself for the potential nakedness. I knocked softly on the door but received no answer, so I cracked the door open. Once I had made sure there was something at least covering them, I opened the door further.   
  
Nanase was laying on her stomach, and Sil was laying on her back. Nanase’s head was resting on Sil’s arm, and she had one arm thrown over Sil’s stomach. Nanase’s bare back was exposed, her spine curving delicately down to reveal back dimples. Of course she had back dimples.   
  
And judging by the clothes spread out around the room, they were both naked. I sighed. I grabbed a discarded pillow of the ground and threw it. It hit Sil in the face. I prepared to die.  
  
The was a muffled “What the fuck” from Sil and I snickered. Her free hand came up to move the pillow off her face. She blinked at me tiredly. “Ritsu?” And then she groaned. “My fucking _head_.”  
  
I chuckled. “That bad?”  
  
“Worse.” She muttered, rubbing her temples. Then she looked down at Nanase and a small smile lifted her lips.   
  
“Your brother has food and coffee when you guys are ready.” I said, backing toward the door.   
  
“Okay, I’ll wake her up.” She nodded.   
  
I backed out of the room and closed the door behind me before returning to the kitchen.   
  
“Are they alive?” Jun asked, flipping bacon over.   
  
“Barely.” I smiled. “Your sister looks like shit.”  
  
“Not surprised.” He said, amused. “And Nanase?”  
  
“Sil was going to wake her up.”   
  
I was sort of glad I didn’t have to wake the beast.   
  
“Those two are going to be miserable all day.” He grabbed plates for all of us and starting shoveling food onto each one.   
  
“No doubt about it.” I laughed and took the plate he offered me.   
  
We were sitting at the island counter when Sil wandered into the kitchen. She paused in the middle and stood there before she moved toward the coffee pot.   
  
“You look amazing.” Jun said, taking in her appearance. She looked like she’d been run over by a bus. Her long blonde hair was a disaster and probably matted.   
  
“Fuck you.” She groaned, leaning her head against the cabinets as she tried to pour coffee into two mugs.   
  
He just smirked, his eyes dancing with his amusement.   
  
Nanase came in after, and she was wearing a sweater that was way too big for her. It would’ve been huge on me. Her legs were bare, but even if she was wearing shorts the sweater was long enough  that you couldn’t tell. Her hair was in a similar state to Sil’s. Sil handed her one of the mugs and Nanase groaned. “Oh thank god, coffee.”  
  
“Rough night, hun?” I asked, biting off a piece of bacon.   
  
She said a few more colorful words than Sil had. I just laughed.   
  
Sil got a pill bottle down from one of the cabinets and dumped some into her hand. She gave two to Nanase and took two herself. They looked like the same ones Jun had given me. They started eating the food, not bothering to bring the plates over to sit down.   
  
I had pretty much finished my food and was absently looking around the room. “Has anyone seen my phone?”  
  
“Why? It’s not like anyone but me talks to you anyways.” Nanase muttered sarcastically, a smirk lining her lips.   
  
“Ouch.” Sil muttered.   
  
“I guess that’s true.” I smiled.   
  
“You shouldn’t admit that.” Sil snorted.   
  
“It’s not like you have anymore friends than he does.” Jun interjected. He was moving a piece of egg around on his plate.   
  
“Good point.” She sighed.   
  
“I thought we weren’t suppose to admit that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.   
  
She just shrugged.  
  
“I plugged it in this morning. It’s on the coffee table.” Jun said, gesturing over his shoulder.   
  
“Oh.” I said softly, spinning in my chair toward the living room. “Thanks.”  
  
He hummed his response. I got out of my chair and grabbed it before returning. Turns out the only time people called is when I don’t actually have my phone. “Sion and Ran both called me this morning.” I said, my gaze sliding to Nanase.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. “They probably hooked up and now Ran is calling you to excitedly tell you he scored with your straight friend and Sion is calling because he’s freaking the fuck out because he fucked your gay friend.”  
  
“Honestly,” I chuckled. “That’s possible.”   
  
“And it’s all cause of my genius food ordering skills.” Nanase lifted her mug to her lips.   
  
“Genius food ordering skills?” Sil said with a laugh. “Now this, I have to hear.”  
  
“She ordered enough food for five people when it was just her and I. So she told me to invite some people over and then insisted that it be my persistent and very gay friend, Ran and the other had to be my very uptight, reserved friend Sion. Whom is straight. Now, Ran has attached himself to Sion like a leech and Sion is forced to go wherever Ran wants and he’s starting to freak out.” I explain with a sigh.   
  
“That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” Sil smiled, her shoulders shaking lightly with her laughter.   
  
“See? You say that about everything.” Jun pointed out, hands resting on his mug.   
  
“Not everything.” She rolled her eyes.   
  
“And that’s what she says every time.” Jun whispered to me, which earned him a scowl from her.   
  
“Well, while I’d love to sit here and nurse this hangover with you bitches,” Sil said, setting her plate in the sink. “I have shit to do at home.”   
  
Nanase’s face fell just slightly, and she bit her lip.   
  
“Nanase, grab your stuff.” Sil said, taking her plate and setting them in the sink as well.   
  
“What?” She blinked back at her, her eyebrows pulling into a confused frown.   
  
“You want to come home with me, yeah? You can come see my studio.” Sil smiled and ruffled her hair as she passed her. She left the kitchen before Nanase could stutter out a ‘yeah’.   
  
Jun got down from his stool. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”  
  
Once he’d gone around the corner, Nanase came around to my side of the island. “You have a good night?” She asked, her lips curling into a smirk.   
  
“I could be asking you the same thing.” I said, raising an eyebrow. “How was last night, huh?”  
  
“Let’s talk about this over later. Tomorrow?” She tilted her head.   
  
“Sounds good to me.” I reached over and ruffled her messy hair.   
  
Jun came back around the corner and into the kitchen. He started rinsing dishes and putting them in the dish washer.   
  
“You’ll be fine if I leave?” She asked under her breath, her expression serious suddenly. “You won’t go off on your own and do something stupid?”  
  
“No, I’ll be fine.” I smiled. “Don’t worry about me, go have fun.”  
  
She smiled, relieved. She kissed me on the cheek before she skipped off to gather the rest of her things. Before long Sil was attempting to drag her out the door. We were all standing by the door now, and Nanase stopped to hug me. “By the way,” Her quiet words were covered by Sil’s conversation with her brother. “I like Jun a whole lot more than Masa-shit-face.”  
  
I snorted as she released me. “I can imagine.”  
  
“What can you imagine?” Sil asked, wrapping me into a hug as well.   
  
“Everything.”   
  
She just chuckled as she pulled away and then she was dragging Nanase out the door again. “Later, boys!” She called, waving over her shoulder. Nanase gave a light wave before Jun shut the door behind them.   
  
We stood there for a moment, looking at each other. I tried not to think of the way he had kissed me last night.   
  
“Well,” He said, running a hand through his blonde hair. “Now what?”  
  
I shrugged with a small smile. “I don’t have any plans, but I can go if you do.”  
  
He shook his head. “No, I don’t have any plans. Want to watch a movie or something?”  
  
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”  
  
I followed him back to his bedroom. It turns out that’s where the large TV that was once in the living room had ended up. I just didn’t notice last night or this morning. He settled on the bed with the remote. He turned the TV on and got on Netflix, then starting to flip through the movies. I settled myself onto the bed beside him, leaning back against the headboard. He continued flipping through the movies until he settled on some movie about a guy with a green alien ring. It wasn’t something I’d seen before.   
  
After a while though, Jun apparently got bored with it because he stopped it and started going back through the movies. I wasn’t complaint, it hadn’t been all that interesting, but I found it amusing.   
  
“Can I ask you something?” Jun asked, keeping his eyes on the TV.   
  
“Yeah, go for it.” I said, turning my head to look at him.   
  
He turned his head and met my gaze. “What did Nanase mean about you going off on your own and doing something stupid?”   
  
I blinked at him, surprised he had caught that. I dropped my head against the headboard, keeping my eyes on his. “You heard that, huh?”  
  
He nodded.  
  
I averted my gaze this time, instead choosing to look at his hand wrapped around the remote. “Well… I have been trying to avoid being alone for long because I… Well, let’s just say I have an unhappy ex-client who has made it clear he doesn’t intend to leave me alone.”  
  
Jun opened his mouth and then closed it, unsure of what that meant. “What… What do you mean?”  
  
And I told him. I told him about all of it. Zelch’s increasing roughness, when he raped me, the car, and now how he had tracked me down again. About how I’d gotten a phone call from him, and then how he’d been standing outside my school. I was pretty sure my voice didn’t shake, but I could feel my hands shaking. Just talking about it shook me up. Fuck, just thinking about it.   
  
To say the least, Jun was surprised. He sat there in silence while I told my tale, looking rather shocked. When I had finally finished, he just sat there. He didn’t say anything for awhile.   
  
I was starting to think I was going to have to break the silence when he finally looked at me. I wasn’t quiet sure what it was that I saw in his eyes, but I recognized it once he spoke. “He did that to you?”  
  
Anger. He was angry. But he wasn’t angry at me, he was angry for me. And that surprised me.   
  
Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.  
  
I just nodded, biting my lip.   
  
“Wow…” He blew out a long breath. “I’m so sorry, Ritsu.. I can’t… I can’t even _imagine_.”  
  
I didn’t respond, just nodding again. He surprised me by leaning over and wrapping an arm around my waist, easily pulling me onto his lap. He pulled my head to his shoulder and then just kept his arms around me. “Are you afraid?” He voice was low in my ear. “Of him, I mean.”  
  
“Honestly?” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m scared shitless. Of him. Of what he’ll do.”  
  
His soft sigh tickled my neck and his arms tightened around me. He didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t blame him. What could he say?  
  
As I had said many times before, I didn’t know what I was going to do. About Zelch. About Masashi. Fuck, about this situation with Jun. I was more comfortable in his arms than I would like to admit. But part of me felt like I should feel guilty. To Masashi, and Jun. My guilt to Masashi was probably irrational in reality, it’s not like we were in a relationship. But part of me felt like I was leading Jun on and that did make me feel guilty. It was wrong. But he also hadn’t asked me for anything more than whatever it was we were doing. Were we friends? Friends didn’t kiss but friends was the closest thing to what we were. I think.   
  
What word would describe my relationship with Masashi? ‘Side hoe’? I almost snorted. I was a fucking side hoe.   
  
I’m so going to hell.   
  
Eventually, despite my irrationally thoughts of protest, I did pull away from Jun. He let me. I met his gaze, his eyes burning with something I couldn’t place. His eyes were so vibrant.  “Thanks, Jun…” I pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his mouth, and his lips quirked up in a smirk.  
  
“That’s what friends are for, right?” He said, his hands resting on my waist.   
  
“I don’t think friends kiss, Jun.” I smiled, voicing my earlier thoughts.   
  
He pursed his lips for a second. “That’s a stupid rule.”  
  
“You think so?”   
  
“I know so.”  
  
“If you say so.”   
  
“I do.”   
  
I chuckled, and rolled my eyes. I swung my leg over him, and rested back against the headboard again. My phone rang from the other room and I groaned, sinking down against the headboard.   
  
“Do you want that?” Jun asked, absently going through movies again.   
  
“…kind of.” I muttered, sinking lower onto the bed. I should at least see who it was…   
  
“I’ll get it.” Jun laughed lowly. He ruffled my hair before he swung his legs over the side of the bed.   
  
“You’re a saint.” I smiled and sat up straight again.   
  
“I know.” He said, jogging out of the room. He came back quickly but paused in front of me. “Who’s Masashi?”  
  
Before I could answer him, he answered my phone. Some part of me wanted to take the phone from him, but I let him have his fun.   
  
“Hello?” He said, smirking at me. “Who am I? Who are you?”   
  
I gave a small huff of laughter.   
  
“You know, it’s rude to not introduce yourself before demanding an explanation to my own identity.” Jun’s smile wavered slightly and then he held his hand over the receiver. “Ritsu, he sounds like he’s freaking out.”   
  
I sighed and held my hand out for my phone. He gave it to me and I pressed it to my ear. “Masashi?” I said lightly, and I almost flinched when he spoke.   
  
“ _Ritsu? Are you okay?_ ” He paused for less than a second. “ _Who was that?_ ”   
  
I watched Jun walk back around to the other side of the bed and sit back down. He started scrolling through the movies again.   
  
“Call down, I’m fine. That was Jun.”   
  
“ _Who’s_ _Jun_?” His voice betrayed his obvious confusion, but there was something else in his voice I couldn’t identify. “ _I thought you were with Nanase?_ ”  
  
“I was, I was. We stayed the night at my friend’s place. She left a little bit ago.” I explained, although half-assed.   
  
“ _Oh_ ,” I heard him sigh. “ _Well… I.. I need to talk to you, Ritsu.”_  
  
“When?” I asked, pulling my knees to my chest.   
  
“ _Sooner than later?_ ” He asked. He sounded distressed but I didn’t know why.   
  
“I’m closer to your place, want me to just come over?” I asked, leaning my head back against the headboard. I didn’t really feel like going anywhere, but I couldn’t turn his down when he sounded like this. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t turn him down ever.   
  
“ _No, no, my parents are home and this is kind of…_ ” He paused. “ _Can we meet at your place?_ ”   
  
“I guess so. I can be there pretty soon.” I agreed.   
  
“ _Okay_.” His voice quivered. What was wrong with him?  
  
“Are you okay?” I asked, my eyebrows pulling down into a frown.   
  
“ _I just need to talk to you._ ” He said, which meant he wasn’t alright.   
  
“Okay… If you’re there first just let yourself in.”   
  
“ _Okay_.” He hung up after that and I sat there staring at my phone.   
  
“Everything okay?” Jun asked, his gaze sliding to mine. He also looked kind of disappointed.   
  
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I have to go, apparently.”   
  
“I figured.” He nodded and then he turned the TV off.   
  
I got up and grabbed my clothes from the bathroom. When I came back out, Jun was in the kitchen refilling his coffee pot. He grabbed his keys off the counter. “Come on, I’ll drive you.”   
  
Relief washed over me. I didn’t want to walk to the door, let alone to my apartment. “You don’t have to do that.”   
  
“I’m going to anyway.” He shrugged and I followed him to the door. I had a feeling he was driving me because of what I’d told him about Zelch, and that made me feel even more grateful.   
  
I followed him down to the parking garage for the apartment, and it hit him all over again that Jun lived in such a nice place. He was going to take over his father’s company someday. He had plans for the future, and money to back it up. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.   
  
He walked over to a sleek black Dodge Challenger and I sighed in appreciation. “Nice car.”   
  
He smirked over the hood at me. “Graduation present.”   
  
I opened the door and slid into it, aware that this car was worth more than anything I owed. Well. I didn’t really own anything. “From your dad?” I asked once seated in the vehicle.   
  
“Yeah.” He nodded as he started the car. I sighed at the hum of the engine. She sounded so good.   
  
“What’s her name?”   
  
“‘She’ doesn’t have one.” He answer, putting the car in drive and pulling smoothly out of the parking lot.   
  
“Why wouldn’t you name her? She’s too pretty not to have a name.” I said, mocking shock.   
  
He snorted. “Well, forgive me. If you’re so offended, why don’t you name her?”   
  
I laughed. I thought about it for a moment before I said, rather sarcastically, “Name her Brisk.”   
  
He raised an eyebrow. “Like the tea?”   
  
“Yep.” I said. “Exactly like the tea.”   
  
He chuckled. “Brisk it is, then. I guess.”   
  
I muffled a snicker with my hand. “But you actually have to call her that, or you’ll hurt her feelings.”  
  
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to do that.” He rolled his eyes. “Where do you even live?” He frowned. I realized we were stopped at a red light and he was just driving with no destination. I couldn’t help but laugh.   
  
“You’re going the right way. Turn left up there.” I gesture to the street and he nodded.   
  
We drove the rest of the way with easy banter. He pulled to a stop in front of my apartment building. “Whoa, Brisk.” He said with a serious expression.   
  
I laughed and shoved his shoulder playfully. He smirked as he shifted it into park.   
  
“So this is you?” He said, gesturing to the apartment building. “I’ll keep that in mind.”   
  
“Yeah, this is home.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned toward him. My voice was quiet as I spoke again. “I’m on the second floor, but you’ll have to guess which room.”   
  
I was expecting a smart-ass comment or maybe a challenging remark but I was surprised. Pleasantly, at that. He slipped his hand into my hair and leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. I tilted my head to the side, and kissed him back slowly. He pulled back, but caught my bottom lip in his teeth as he did. My heart stuttered and I suppressed a shudder.   
  
He leaned back in his seat with a small sigh, but he was smiling. “Thanks for coming over, Ritsu.”   
  
I nodded and pushed my door open with one hand. I smiled. “Thanks for last night. I had a lot of fun.”   
  
He reached over and ruffled my hair. “I’m glad.” Then his smile slipped into a smirk. “I know the girls had fun.”   
  
I laughed. “That’s no doubt.”   
  
“I’ll see you later?” He asked, looking more hopeful than I could handle.   
  
“Of course.” I said and then I stepped out of the car. “Just call or text whenever. If I’m free I’ll come annoy you.”   
  
“I doubt you could annoy me.” He said, his eyes alight with amusement.   
  
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”   
  
“That we will.”   
  
“Bye, Jun.” I said, and I heard him say ‘later’ before I closed the door behind me. I walked toward my apartment, toward whatever awaited me there.    
  
I walked up the stairs and came to my apartment door. I sighed as I turned my doorknob and stepped inside my apartment. I shrugged out of my jacket and just threw it, and my clothes from yesterday, aside. I had just closed the door when Masashi appeared around the corner from the kitchen. He had a glass in his hand filled with amber liquid that could only be alcohol. Which he must have brought with him because I didn’t have any alcohol. Hell, I didn’t even have milk.   
  
“Hey, you want some whiskey? I bought some on my way over.” He said quietly, confirming my guess. I focused back on his face. He looked like shit. His hair was disheveled from where he’d been pulling on it, making it stand up in different directions. He had bags under his eyes and he looks somewhere between exhausted and freaking out.   
  
The thought of drinking any more made my stomach churn and the throbbing in my head sharpen. “Gods, no.”   
  
“Okay.” He gave me an odd look. “Who’s clothes are those?”  
  
I looked down at the clothes that were quite large on me. “They’re Jun’s.”  
  
“Jun’s?” He frowned and then he seemed to remember. “Oh, the friend you guys stayed with last night?”  
  
“Yeah.” I shrugged, and slid onto one of my bar stools at the counter. He was standing next to the counter with his drink in hand.   
  
“How’d you get home so fast? Is his place close?” He was avoiding what he needed to talk about and I let him.   
  
“He drove me, actually.” I muttered.   
  
“Oh. Did Nanase go home?”  
  
I gave a snort of laughter. “Who knows? Last I knew, she was going to Jun’s sister’s place.”   
  
“I see.” His gaze slid down to the counter and we lapsed into silence. His grip on his glass kept tightening and loosening. What could be bothering him this much? What had happened?  
  
“Masashi, wha-“  
  
His lips on mine cut me off. There was desperation in the way he moved, his glass clambered down onto the counter a moment before his hand was twisting in my hair to hold me in place. His other found my hip and his grip was tight. He slipped between my legs and pulled me flush against his body. I could feel his heart beating against my chest.   
  
I pushed on his chest and pulled back just enough to breath out words. “What-“  
  
“Please.” I could feel the desperation coming off of him. “Please, just- I’ll tell you but please just…”  
  
I sighed and nodded, giving in. I always gave in. He knew that.   
  
He wrapped one arm around my back, the other on my thigh, and then he lifted me off my chair. I wrapped my arms around his neck unsteadily, and tightened my legs around him. He walked with me to my bedroom and lightly tossed me onto the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, his movement quick and precise. I pulled my shirt off, following his lead. He moved onto the bed and hooked his thumbs under the sweatpants Jun had lent me. I lifted my hips as he pulled them off me, along with my borrowed boxers, exposing my half-hard member. He leaned over to pull the drawer open on the nightstand, before retracting his hand with a bottle of lube and a condom packet. He set the condom down on the sheet before he poured some of the lube onto his hand.   
  
He moved forward, nudging my legs further apart. He slid a hand down between us and I felt two fingers circle around my entrance once before he sunk them quickly, but still gently, into me. He was wasting my time, then. I groaned at the feeling when his fingers started scissoring. He bit his lip impatiently, and then he added another finger.  He was in a hurry, but he was still being cautious of hurting me and well, I did appreciate that.   
  
“It’s enough.” I breathed out after another moment.   
  
His eyes met mine and then he nodded. He removed his hand and unbuttoned his own pants. He pulled them down to his knees but didn’t bother discarding them entirely. He picked up and tore open the condom packet, which he slipped over his hard cock smoothly. He poured a little more lube into his hand and slicked his length, before he wiped his hand on my sheets. Then, he hooked one arm under my leg and used the to position his cock at my entrance. His gaze flickered to mine again before he slid into me all the way in one motion. We moaned nearly in unison. The burn accompanied with being stretch so quickly was familiar, and not unwelcome.   
  
He paused for only a moment to let me adjust before his impatience won out, and he started moving. His hand wrapped around my cock, causing a sound to escape me that was not unlike a yelp. His movement were quick and rushed, his desperation driving him. I tilted my hips to the right just enough for him to rub against my prostrate. My back arched as the pleasure rippled up my spine and a moan slipped past my lips.   
  
His pace sped up again, his hand pumping me steadily, occasionally rubbing his thumb over the top. I could tell by the look on his face that he wouldn’t last much longer, and I could feel my orgasm gathering as well. His pace was wrecking both of us. His jaw was clenched and his grip on my leg tightened.   
  
His final thrust slammed into my prostrate, which also sent me spiraling. My back arched off the bed as I came, on my chest and in his hand. His body shuddered under his orgasm, and his hand released my leg to be placed beside my hip, holding him up. Then he leaned his head down on my shoulder and I felt, rather than heard, him sigh.   
  
He pulled out slowly and I winced. I was definitely going to be sore. Not that I hadn’t been sore before. I was sore for a living, once.   
  
We stayed like that for several minutes, both of us just focusing on getting our breathing under control.   
  
He was the first to break the silence.   
  
“Ishihara broke up with me.” His voice had that quivering quality back. He sounded defeat. Depressed. I was too stunned to respond. “She thinks I’m cheating on her.“  
  
My first feeling was anger.   
  
Unbelievable fucking _anger_.   
  
“You… You came over here upset about _her_ ,” I snarled, shoving him hard enough with my left hand that he fell off of me, and onto his side. “To fuck _me_ to calm you down?”  
  
He was surprised by my burst of anger and shrank back under my glare. “Ritsu, I-“   
  
“No, don’t. Just fucking _don’t._ ” I swung my legs over the side of the bed, simultaneously wiping my stomach off with the sheets. I grabbed my- Jun’s sweatpants off the floor as I stood, and I slipped into them. I was irritated that I had to tie the strings to keep them on my hips.   
  
“Ritsu-“   
  
I spun around to face him and he stopped, completely shocked by my anger. I pointed a finger at him. “Fuck you.”  
  
And then I left the room, planning to leave the apartment entirely. I couldn’t think past my anger and the only thing I could focus on was leaving, before I said something I really regretted.   
  
I was passing the kitchen when he caught up with me, snapping out of his dazed surprise. His fingers wrapped around my elbow. “Wait-“  
  
“No!” I spun toward him, jerking my elbow out of his grip in the process. “Don’t fucking touch me.” I hissed, my hands connecting with his chest as I pushed him. He stumbled back toward the wall, his eyes wide with a mixture of things. Shock. Panic. I didn’t care.   
  
“Please let me-“   
  
I didn’t realize I’d thrown the glass until it hit the wall behind him, shattering on impact. The amber liquid dripped down my wall. “I’m not your fucking toy!” I yelled, and he took a step back. I sorta hoped he stepped on a piece of glass. “I’m not here for you to treat like a fucking _doormat!_ ”  
  
He opened his mouth to reply, his eyes reflecting the panic he must be feeling. But I cut him off again.   
  
“This ends _now_.” I snarled. “You treat me like shit and I’ve taken it. I’ve taken everything from you because I fucking love you. I love you so much it fucking hurts. You’re taking advantage of my feelings for you. I didn’t stop being a whore so that you could make me into your personal whore. I’ve had enough.”  
  
I was taken aback by the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “I know, Ritsu, I’m fucking-“  
  
“Just listen to me, okay?” I interrupted again. I didn’t want to hear his apologies. “What we’re doing here? It’s over. Go back to Ishihara. Get on your knees and fucking _beg_ her to take you back. Swear to her, do whatever you have to. She’ll give in and take you back, because she loves you.”  
  
“Ritsu!” He raised his voice. “Please just- I know nothing I can say with ever make up for the things I’ve done to you but please, please, I can’t lose you.”   
  
“I’m going to need time before I make that decision.” I said. “And you’re going to give it to me.”  
  
“I will, I swear. However long you need, but…” He nodded, and took a step forward, like he was going to touch me.   
  
I took a step back and raised my hands. “Don’t.”  
  
“Okay, I’m- I’m sorry, Ritsu.” He nodded again, swallowing roughly. “ _Jesus_ , you’ll never know how sorry. I knew what we were doing was hurting you, there was no way it wasn’t I just- _fuck_. I just fucking let it happen because I didn’t know how to stop it without hurting you.”  
  
“We both had the power to stop it.” I said, clenching my jaw. “We just didn’t.”   
  
He ran a shaking hand through his hair. But he didn’t say anything.   
  
“Please go.” I muttered. “Just… Go get her back. I know you love her. She loves you. It’ll take her time but… She’ll take you back.”  
  
“You’re a better person than I’ll ever be, Ritsu…” He said, his voice breaking.   
  
I didn’t say anything and he shifted awkwardly. He was afraid to leave. He was afraid this was the end. The end of our friendship. I wasn’t so sure it wasn’t.   
  
But he did as I asked, and left. “Lock this behind me.” He said from the door, and then I heard the door click shut behind him.   
  
“Fuck.” I muttered under my breath. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ ”   
  
I moved into the kitchen but I didn’t get very far because I couldn’t fucking breath.  
  
What the fuck did I just do?   
  
I grabbed ahold of the counter and lowered myself to my knees.   
  
I ended it. I told the only person I’ve ever wanted to fuck off.   
  
I told the only person I’ve ever loved that it was over.   
  
I sat on the floor, and for the first time in a long time, I broke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Thoughts?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When your tears are spent, 
> 
> On your last pretense, 
> 
> And your tired eyes refuse to close,
> 
> And sleep in your defense, 
> 
> When it’s in your spine,
> 
> Like you’ve walked for miles,
> 
> And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while.

  
  
I didn’t feel like going to school the next day. I didn’t feel like going anywhere. But I did go down to the liquor store just down the street because the single bottle of whiskey sitting on my counter just wasn’t going to do it.  
  
I had a lot of missed calls. Nanase had come by once, the next day to talk about our night at Jun’s like we’d said we would. But she didn’t have a key and I didn’t answer the door. She must’ve assumed I wasn’t home because she left. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone just yet.  
  
I mostly sat on the couch and watched TV, accompanied only by my alcohol. I only got drunk the first night, and now I was just maintaining a constant buzz. My apartment was a mess of bottles, wrappers, clothes, and glasses. But I didn’t particularly care.  
  
My phone was plugged in on the coffee table, but I let the calls go to voicemail. I didn’t have to listen to the voicemails to know that Nanase was freaking out. Or pissed as hell. It was fifty-fifty.  
  
But eventually Nanase must have gotten pissed because now I was listening to her bang on my door.  
  
“Ritsu! I fucking know you’re in there, I can hear your phone ringing from here!” She shouted, accompanied by more pounding on the door.  
  
I tilted my head to look at my phone, which was indeed ringing. I hadn’t noticed.  
  
What I did notice was that she didn’t seem to be giving up any time soon. So I got off the couch, walked to the door and swung it open. I turned on my heel and walked back to the couch with my drink in hand. I sat down, or rather plopped down, but at least in a sitting position rather than the horizontal sprawl I’d been sporting for the past two days.  
  
I heard the door click shut and then she came into the living room. She turned off the TV before she moved to stand in front of me. Her hands were on her hips.  
  
“What,” She said, and I could hear the angry undertone in her voice. “The fuck is going on with you?”  
  
I didn’t answer. I slid my gaze to hers and I could see that she was angry, but it was only driven by her worry. She’d never seen me like this. My apartment was a disaster, too. There was empty beer cans lying around, an empty bottle of whiskey, and I was currently working on a bottle of scotch. I probably looked even worse than my apartment.  
  
She knelt down in front of me, one of her hands moved to rest on my knee while the other coaxed the glass of scotch out of my hand. I let her take it with a sigh and watched as she set it on the coffee table behind her. “Ritsu,” She said softly. Her anger was quickly dissolving. “Talk to me. What happened?”  
  
All at once I felt immensely guilty. Here she was, worrying over me while I was sitting here by myself, nursing wounds I had created. Nanase deserved a better friend than I was capable of being.  
  
“I…” I started, but my voice was rough and I had to clear my throat. “I broke things off with him.”  
  
I heard her sharp intake of breath and I met her eyes again. They were wide with what could only be surprise. Not that I could blame her for being surprised, I didn’t think I would end it with him either. She didn’t seem to know what to say so I continued.  
  
“I just… I’m just so tired of being second choice, you know?” My voice was unsteady.  
  
“Oh, Ritsu.” She breathed. She reached up and wiped away a tear I hadn’t realized was falling. Then she moved up and hugged me, wrapping her slender arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“I’m sorry I haven’t been… answering your calls.” I muttered into her shirt. I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her closer.  
  
“No, it’s okay.” She said quietly.  “I don’t blame you.”  
  
She didn’t ask how or why, and I was glad for it. I didn’t think I could answer her without breaking down. Not yet, anyway. We just sat there, arms wrapped around each other, my forehead resting on her shoulder.  
  
“Tell me about Sil.” I said after a while, hoping to distract myself.  
  
“Well…” I didn’t have to see her face to know she was blushing. “We decided to get to know each other and see how things play out.”  
  
“Yeah? That’s good. Did you get to see her studio?”  
  
“Yeah,” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Her art is amazing.”  
  
“That’s what I hear. I hope I get to see them someday.” It was easy to picture Sil with a brush in hand, paint speckling her clothes and skin.  
  
“I’m sure you will.”  
  
“You like her?” I asked, but I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.  
  
“Yeah.” She breathed out. “I like her a lot more than I thought possible.”  
  
I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips. “I’m glad. I think I can prove of her.”  
  
“You think?” She said with a chuckle.  
  
“Yeah. And maybe I’ll find someone that you can approve of.” I said, pulling back slightly to look at her. She took that as a cue and moved to sit next to me. “But I think… It’d be best if I took some time to…” I sighed. “You know.”  
  
She nodded, her expression softening. “I think that’d be best.”  
  
“Did you ever find out what Sil stands for?” I asked, turning my head to meet her gaze.  
  
“Yeah, I did.” She said with a smile. “It stands for Silven.”  
  
“Silven?” I repeat, blinking at her in surprise. “I wouldn’t have guessed that.”  
  
“Neither would I.” She said with a small smile. “But I think it suits her.”  
  
“I agree. It’s unique, like her.”  
  
Nanase giggled. “She’s definitely unique.”  
  
“No doubt.” I agreed. “Did you ever think you’d wind up liking a chick?”  
  
Nanase gave a small shrug. “I don’t know, I never really cared one way or the other. I’ve only dated guys so far but I knew I was attracted to girls, too. Just never found the right one.”  
  
“Until now.” I shoved her shoulder playfully.  
  
She blushed prettily and my heart didn’t melt, not at all.  
  
“Oh my god, you’re completely smitten.” I laughed.  
  
“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes but her blush deepened.  
  
I was happy that Nanase had found someone that made her happy, even if they’d just met and weren’t technically together yet. I hoped it worked out for her, for both of them. They were both amazing people. Until the other day I’d never thought anyone would be good enough for Nanase, but if anyone was, it was Sil.  
  
“Keep me updated, yeah? It’s my turn to be nosy as hell in your relationship.” I poked her cheek, smiling softly.  
  
She smiled at me and shoved my shoulder. “I think I can manage that.”  
  
“Good deal.”  
  
We lapsed into silence after that, and she turned the TV back on with the remote. We watched the last half of a pretty good movie in comfortable silence, only a smart ass remark about the movie leaving her lips here and there. Somehow she always made me feel lighter. She made my problems dissolve, even if momentarily, and I was grateful for that. She had become family is such a short amount of time. I already couldn’t imagine my life without her. I guess I had Sion to thank for introducing us, as amusing as that was.  
  
“You’re apartment looks rather disastrous.” She commented absently as the end credits rolled.  
  
“Yeah, sorry bout that.” I said, looking around. It really wasn’t pretty.  
  
“We should clean it.” She said, leaning forward and picking up the forgotten glass of scotch. She tossed the rest back, swallowing the liquid with ease.  
  
“I’ll do it.” I said quickly, standing up. “I’m sure you have better things to do than help me pick up my mess.”  
  
She shook her head, grabbing several empty beer bottles as she stood. “Nope, I’ve got nothing better to do.”  
  
I watched her walk to bottles over to the trashcan and dump them into it. I grabbed the bottle of scotch and some of the wrappers around it. “Nanase, you really don’t have to help me with this.”  
  
“I’m going to anyways.” She patted my shoulder as I passed her on my way to the trashcan.  
  
I dumped the wrappers into the trash. Then, I put the bottle of scotch in the cabinet next to the fridge. I sighed as I watched her pick up some more wrappers and bottles littering the living room. “Thanks, Nanase.” I said softly as she dumped them into the trash as well. I could tell by the way her expression softened that she knew I was talking about more than just cleaning the apartment.  
  
Luckily, most of the damage was done to the living room as I hadn’t slept in my own room in two days. Well three, since I stayed the night at Jun’s. Nanase had grabbed the vacuum and taken it to the living room, when she ordered me to go shower and get cleaned up. I did as I was told and went into the bathroom, catching myself in the mirror. I was right, I looked worse than my apartment. There were bags under my eyes the size of Texas, which wasn’t surprising seeing as I had slept very little in the past forty-eight hours. My hair was very disheveled, sticking out in random ways that weren’t very attractive. My face was pale, my eyes red. I looked away from the mirror and turned on the water before I started undressing.  
  
When I was done, I dressed in a gray v-neck shirt and black sweatpants. I glanced in the mirror and decided I looked more like a human being than before, and that that was good enough.  
  
I left the bathroom and went back into the kitchen to make coffee. It was a little late in the day to be making coffee but I didn’t give a fuck.  
  
“Oh, are you making coffee?” A voice that was most definitely not Nanase’s asked from behind me.  
  
My heart started racing even as my brain processed that it wasn’t his voice, that it was far too friendly and not even slightly revolting, I couldn’t help it when I spun around, my heart racing in my chest.  
  
My shock was apparently very evident on my face, too.  
  
“Sorry,” Sion said with a sheepish grin. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
  
“The fuck are you doing here?” I said before I had regained control of my brain-to-mouth function.  
  
“Well, I stopped by because you wouldn’t answer any of my calls.” He said, poking a finger into my chest. “You abandoned me in my time of need.”  
  
“Um,” I frowned. “I’m sorry?”  
  
“I hope you don’t mind that I let him in,” Nanase said, sliding onto one of the bar stools. “But he didn’t give me much choice, either.”  
  
“This could’ve easily been avoided if you had answered your phone. I saw the damn thing sitting on the coffee table, dude.” Sion said with a slight shake of his head.  
  
“I’ve been kinda busy.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “But I’m sorry.”  
  
“Whatever, that’s not important anymore.” He said quickly.  
  
“It’s not?” I asked, then turning my gaze to Nanase who just looked amused. “Then why did you-“  
  
“What’s important is that you’re the only one who knows my… predicament with our mutual friend, Ran.” He stumbled out quickly, taking a step closer to me. I stepped back as he invaded my personal space and he stepped forward again. “Dude, I’m freaking out.”  
  
“I can see that.” I said with a frown. “Why don’t we go sit down and talk?”  
  
“Okay,” He nodded and took a step back. “That’s good.”  
  
“Go on in, I’m gonna finish preparing this.” I gestured to the coffee maker behind me.  
  
“Okay.” He turn on his heel with a quick nod, then moved into the living room.  
  
Nanase and I exchanged a look before she just shrugged, hopping off her stool and joining Sion on the couch. With a sigh, I finished setting the coffee maker up before I moved into the living room. Nanase and Sion were both sitting on the couch, so I decided to sit on the floor across from them, with my legs crossed under the coffee table.  
  
“So…?” I said slowly.  
  
Sion shifted uncomfortably in his seat under our gaze. “So you know how Ran has been bugging me to hang out with him like, constantly?”  
  
I nodded, glancing at Nanase who was thoroughly enjoying the show, a small smirk pulling at her lips.  
  
“Okay, so I have been hanging out with him a lot. Anywhere he wants,  you know how persistent he is.” He said, wringing his hands in his lap. “We’ve hung out at his place and my place and…”  
  
“And…?” I pried, not entirely sure where he was going with this but having a pretty good idea.  
  
“Okay, first of all, I’m not gay.” He holds up a finger. “And second, I might be gay.”  
  
“Dude, what?” Nanase said, and I could tell she was suppressing laughter.  
  
“It’s complicated.” He hissed at her, before his eyes met mine. “Okay so I know that doesn’t make sense but I’m not gay, at least I don’t think I am, but I guess now it’s possible that I am even though I’m pretty sure that I’m not but-“  
  
“Sion.” I said, trying not to laugh. “Take a deep breath.”  
  
He did.  
  
“Now, tell me what happened.”  
  
“I kissed him.” He blurted out, then covered his mouth like he couldn’t believe he said it. His face turned red.  
  
Nanase bust out laughing, slapping her knee. I couldn’t help the laughter that slipped out. While I was surprised that Sion had kissed Ran first, rather than the other way around, it was more amusing than shocking.  
  
His face reddened even more, to the point that his ears were red. “It’s not funny!”  
  
Nanase was laughing too hard to answer but I managed to regain my composure despite my amusement. “So, why is this a problem exactly?”  
  
“Because it complicates everything!” He said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I kissed him. Him being the key word here, mind you, I’m not gay.”  
  
“That sounds pretty gay to me.” Nanase managed to slip out.  
  
“Yeah, it sounds pretty gay to me, Sion.” I chuckled, leaning my elbows on the coffee table.  
  
He groaned, dragging his hands down his face. “I’m not gay.”  
  
“I’ve seen Ran naked and I can tell you one thing, he’s definitely a guy. You kissed him. That’s gay.” I explained, biting back a laugh.  
  
“Fucking hell, Rit-“ He paused and turned to stare at me. “You’ve seen him naked?”  
  
Shit. I didn’t mean for that to slip out. Nanase looked at me with a ‘you fucked up’ expression and I sighed.  
  
“Yeah, well. You see- He uh… Shit happens.” I tried, and failed, to explain. Nanase gave me a look that said I did a poor job.  
  
“I’m so confused.” Sion shook his head. “Why have you seen him naked?”  
  
“We used to work at the same place,” I explained. “And we were all good friends and so we all just changed in front of each other…”  
  
It wasn’t a lie, and I patted myself on the back for that one.  
  
“Oh…” He nodded. “Makes sense, I guess.”  
  
“Yeah…” I said, glad he bought that half-assed explanation. “So what are you going to do?”  
  
“I don’t know…” He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch.  
  
“Well, do you like him?” Nanase asked, having gotten over her fit of giggles.  
  
Sion glanced at her. “I don’t know. I mean I must, right? But I don’t know, I’m not gay.”  
  
“That was an extremely evasive answer.” Nanase raised an eyebrow. “It’s a yes or no question.”  
  
“I don’t-“  
  
Nanase cut off his answer with a pillow to the face. “Yes or no.”  
  
“Ritsu, your girlfriend is being unreasonable.” Sion whined, fixing his glasses.  
  
“Not my girlfriend.” I shrugged with a smile.  
  
“Yes or no?”  
  
“Wait she’s not?” Sion looked surprised. “I thought you guys got together after the party?”  
  
“Nope, just friends.”  
  
“Yes or no?” Nanase persisted, holding the pillow up again, ready to strike.  
  
He didn’t answer soon enough and got another pillow to the face, despite his feeble efforts to defend himself.  
  
“Damn it-“  
  
Again. “Yes or no?”  
  
“Okay! Yes, I fucking like him!” He threw his hands up again, shaking his head. His face reddened again. “Are you happy now?”  
  
“Yeah, kinda.” She beamed, hugging the pillow to her chest.  
  
I shook my head at the two of them, a laugh slipping past my lips. Nanase was a riot.  
  
“How can you be just friends with a hotty like her?” Sion said, pointing a finger in her direction. He was trying to change the subject.  
  
“It’s pretty easy when you aren’t interested in girls.”  
  
“But she’s like-“ He stopped, turning back to stare at me with wide eyes. “What?”  
  
“I’m gay, Sion.” I laughed at his expression.  
  
“What the fuck.” He said, flabbergasted. “What the _fuck_.”  
  
“You really had no idea?” I glanced at Nanase who was every bit as amused as I was.  
  
“No… You’re gay? _Seriously_?” He muttered, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
I shrugged. “It never came up.”  
  
“No wonder you were so reluctant to go to all those mixer parties…” Sion said, nodding to himself.  
  
“Yeah, that’d be why.” I chuckled,  
  
“What are you going to do about Ran?” Nanase piped up, examining her nails.  
  
Sion groaned. “I have no idea.”  
  
“Is being gay really so horrible?” I asked, amusement coloring my tone.  
  
“No… It just complicates things.” He answered rather reluctantly.  
  
“How?” I leaned back on my hands.  
  
His eyes came up to meet mine. “It just… does.”  
  
I smiled. “You’re pretty thick headed, aren’t you?”  
  
“Very thick headed.” Nanase commented from her seat beside him.  
  
He rolled his eyes, but I continued before he could speak again. “Why not just give it some time? What’s the worst that could happen? You turn out to be bi? Just give it time and see if he’s the one you want.”  
  
“I don’t know why I’m freaking out, you’re right. I…” He blew out a breath and pushed his glasses up his nose. “I really do think I like him…”  
  
“Then ask him out.” I said. “What do you have to lose?”  
  
Sion nodded, absently scratching his head. “I guess you’re right…”  
  
“I usually am.” I smirked but was immediately questioned.  
  
“Right.” Nanase snorted.  
  
“Who’s side are you on anyway?” I asked her with a mock pout and frown.  
  
“Mine.” She smiled sweetly at me and winked.  
  
Sion smiled. “Well,. I actually have plans, or more like plans were forced upon me, with Ran tonight. So I should get going and get ready for that.”  
  
“Oh? What are you guys going to do?” Nanase asked, looking over at him.  
  
“We’re going to a concert, I’m pretty sure.” He said, rising from the couch. “Thanks for this.”  
  
I stood as well and walked him to the door. “Sorry I didn’t answer your calls sooner.”  
  
“Nah,” He clapped me on the back before grabbing the door handle. “It worked out better this way. Bye, Nanase.”  
  
She waved from the couch. “Bye, gay lover boy.”  
  
He glared in her direction but opted not to say anything. He opened the door and then paused, turning back to look at me. “I can’t believe you’re gay.”  
  
I laughed, shoving him playfully out the door. “I can’t believe you never noticed.”  
  
He scoffed. “Well excuse my crappy gay-dar.”  
  
I chuckled. “Have fun tonight with Ran.”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll try.” He turned away and waved over his shoulder. “Thanks again.”  
  
“See ya.” I said before closing the door behind him. I moved back over and plopped onto the couch, feeling rather tired. “Well, that was interesting.”  
  
“And amusing as hell.” She added with a snicker. “Who’d have expected him to freak out like that?”  
  
I snorted. “He doesn’t like things he isn’t in control of. We can’t even imagine how frustrated he must be, being unable to control his sexuality.”  
  
“That makes it all the more amusing.” She smiled, combing her fingers through her long dark hair. “Think the coffee is done?”  
  
“Probably.” I said, hopping off the couch. The smell of coffee hit me as I entered the kitchen and I groaned in appreciation. She followed behind me, hopping up onto one of the barstools. I grabbed two mugs and poured coffee into both. I grabbed the creamer out of the fridge and slid it and the mug across the counter to her. I leaned against the counter across from her.  
  
“I thought you liked yours black?” She asked conversationally as she poured a bit of the creamy liquid into her cup, watching as the dark liquid turned tan.  
  
“I do. It’s not for me.” I turned my mug slowly around on the counter, watching the liquid slosh a bit. “I bought it for Masashi.”  
  
Just mentioning his name sent a stab of pain through my chest. My hands tightened on my mug as I willed the feelings away, and tried to maintain my composure.  
  
“Oh.” I didn’t need to look up to know how she was looking at me. My pain caused her pain. “I’m sorry.”  
  
She reached across the counter, her delicate fingers wrapped around my wrist and she squeezed once. I let go of my mug and twisted my hand, intertwining our fingers together. I gripped her hand like it was a lifeline, and to be honest it was. Nanase was one of the few things keeping me grounded now.  
  
“I don’t want to love him anymore.” I said through a sigh. “I don’t want to feel guilty all the time for being who I am. I don’t want to look at Ishihara and my heart break because I’ve destroyed her relationship, whether she suspects it was me or not.”  
  
“Ritsu-“  
  
“I don’t want to be second choice anymore. I don’t want to have to defend the man I love to my best friend because he treats me like shit. I’m sick of it, I’m sick of him and I’m sick of me. Sick of these fucking feelings, and I’m so, _so_ , sick of trying so damn hard and getting nowhere.”  
  
I was crying, tears running down my face faster than I could stop them, so I stopped trying. I was squeezing Nanase’s hand so hard there was no way it didn’t hurt, be she didn’t utter a word of complaint.  
  
“I hate how angry he makes me. I hate how guilty he makes me feel.” I sobbed, dropping my head to my free hand. “I hate loving him almost as much as I love him.”  
  
I felt her weight shift through our linked hands, before her other hand drifted through my hair. Her lips pressed against my hair and her grip on my hand tightened. “I know. God, Ritsu, I know.”  
  
I could tell by her voice that she was crying too, and that only made me cry harder.  
  
-  
  
  
A week later, I was sitting in class waiting on the teacher to show up. I was a little early, so I just spent my time going through my notes as I waited. This was my last class of the day, and then I had work for a couple hours. I had asked for extra hours last week to keep myself busy when I didn’t have class.  
  
Someone slid into the seat next to me, and I looked up to see that it was Sion. I greeted him as he set a notebook down in front of him.  
  
“Hey.” He said back with a smile.  
  
“How are things with Ran?” I asked, twirling my pencil around my fingers.  
  
His cheeks dusted red, and his smile was sheepish. “Things are good. Really good.”  
  
I smiled and shoved his shoulder playfully. I was happy that things seemed to be working out for them. “Good.”  
  
He averted his gaze and nodded. “Say, what’s up with you and Masashi?”  
  
“What do you mean?” I picked at the corner of my notebook, keeping my eyes down.  
  
He scoffed. “Don’t play dumb. You two can’t even look at each other.”  
  
I lifted my eyes to his. He met my gaze before he turned toward the front. I followed his gaze to see Masashi sitting in the front row, slouched over his notebook as he wrote something down. I swallowed roughly. “We… had a falling out of sorts.”  
  
“Oh. Well,” He said with a small sigh. “I’m sure you guys will figure it out. You always have before.”  
  
“This time isn’t like the others.” I said quietly, trying to ignore the ache in my chest.  
  
He reached over and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. I met his eyes again and I could tell by the look on his face that he knew. Sion might be thick-headed but he wasn’t stupid. After he found out I was gay, it wouldn’t be hard to put it together that I loved Masashi. “Hang in there, okay?” He said softly, giving my shoulder another squeeze before he moved his hand. I think it might have been the first time Sion actually saw me.  
  
I didn’t respond, and pretty soon the teacher came in and demanded our attention. We spent the rest of the class in relative silence, and once it was over I took my leave. I ruffled Sion’s hair as I passed, muttering a farewell. I received a glare and a ‘see ya’.  
  
I walked down the steps and past where Masashi was sitting, to the door. Masashi hadn’t said a word to me since that day. He was giving me the space I’d asked, or more like demanded, and I was glad for it. It gave me time to get my thoughts in order without them being re-jumbled by his presence.  
  
I left campus alone and walked to my place of work. Walking anywhere alone creeped me out but I made it there without incident. I went to the restroom first and changed into something a little nicer, than my sweatpants and hoodie. Catching myself in the mirror on my way out, I decided I looked pretty darn good in the black button down shirt and dark jeans.    
  
I signed myself in before one of my co-workers told me I had people sat at one of my tables, and handed me their drink order. I took their drinks to them, introduced myself, and took their order since they already knew what they wanted.  
  
I’d been working for about two hours when something rather unexpected happened. I was delivering drinks to a table of three, when I turned around and spotted someone I most definitely didn’t feel like talking to. But she had spotted me already, and was making her way over to me. She stopped in front of me and I could tell by the way she was worrying her bottom lip that she was nervous. Her dark hair was a bit longer than the last time I had seen her, and she didn’t look nearly as vibrant.  
  
“Ishihara.” I said, dropping the drink tray to my side as it no longer had drinks on it.  “Table for one?”  
  
She shook her head. “I’m not here to eat. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?”  
  
I sighed internally, glancing back at my assigned tables. I only had the one table occupied right now, so I could easily get someone to cover for me for a few minutes. I looked back to the petite girl in front of me and nodded. “Yeah, I could spare a couple minutes. Let me get someone to cover for me, and I’ll meet you out front?”  
  
She looked relieved as she nodded. “Thanks, it’ll only take a minute.”  
  
I nodded again as I turned away from her, and headed to set the tray down. Once I had someone to cover my table for me for a few, I grabbed my jacket and headed out the front door. Reluctantly, I might add.  
  
She was sitting on a bench to the right of the door, so I moved to stand next to the bench. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my jacket pocket, and then a single cigarette out of the packet, before slipping it back into my pocket. I pulled out a lighter and lit the cancer stick.  
  
She watched me take a long draw and blow it toward the darkening sky. “I didn’t know you smoked.”  
  
“Old habits die hard. So what’s up?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure I knew why she was here.  
  
She bit her lip and looked down at her hands in her lap. “I want to talk to you about Masashi.”  
  
“I figured.” I said with a nod. “He told me why you broke it off.”  
  
“I don’t really have any proof that he’s cheating on me…” She said, glancing up at me. “It’s just a feeling you know? And he acts different now. He’s more secretive, and he says he’s spending the time with you but I don’t know what to believe anymore.”  
  
“Well, it’s true that he had been spending a lot of time with me, if that’s what you’re asking.” I said, meeting her dark eyes. I couldn’t explain the guilt I felt every time I looked at her. “I have an customer from my previous work place that has some sort of vendetta against me, so Masashi has been hanging out with me a lot to make sure he doesn’t fucking jump me.”  
  
As long as I’m lying, I might as well tell half-truths.  
  
“Oh.” She said, her eyes widening slightly. “He didn’t tell me that.”  
  
“He probably just didn’t want you to worry.” I shrugged. I moved to sit on the edge of the bench.  
  
“So you don’t think he’s cheating on me?” She asked, her eyes on her hands. I looked down and noticed her picking at the promise ring he’d given her. She was still wearing it. He had more of a chance than he thought. I wish that made me happy.  
  
“Well, it’s not like I’m with him twenty-four-seven,” I said, keeping my gaze on the ring. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t look her in the eye and lie to her. “But I doubt it. You should’ve seen him when he told me you broke it off.”  
  
Yeah, you should’ve seen it.    
  
She blew out a sigh. “How do I know he didn’t ask you to say all this?”  
  
I chuckled as I drew from my cigarette. “Honestly, we had a falling out. I haven’t even talked to him in over a week, and I probably won’t for a long time.”  
  
“What?” She sat up a little straighter, leaning forward to see my face. “What happened? You guys were always so close.”  
  
I shook my head, a small smile pulling at my lips. “You’ll have to ask him, Ishihara. We had a falling out, and that’s all I’m going to say about it.”  
  
“Okay.” She bit her lip. “He asked for me back. Or more like begged. I’ve never seen him like that.. I don’t know what to do, Ritsu.”  
  
I swallowed, trying not to recall all the times he begged me for forgiveness.  “I can’t tell you what to do. You have to decide for yourself.” I said, standing up. I put my cigarette in the sand tray above the trashcan, next to the bench. “Do what your gut tells you.”  
  
She stood as well, and nodded. “Yeah… Thanks for coming out and talking to me.”  
  
“Of course.” I said, backing toward the front door. “However it turns out, I wish you the best, Ishihara.”  
  
“Thanks, Ritsu. You, too.” She smiled at me so genuinely as she backed toward the parking lot. She waved before she turned and started walking away.  
  
I waved back before letting my hand drop back to my side.  
  
I had lied to her. I lied right to her face.  
  
It was one thing to defend your friend and tell her he wasn’t cheating on her, but it was an entirely different thing to tell her he wasn’t cheating on her while you were the one he was cheating on her with.  
  
I wasn’t sure I had ever hated myself more than I did in that moment.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this. I apologize if this chapter feels all over the place, I had to do it in several sittings. I'm in the middle of moving and things are busy as hell but I did get this finished. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

  
  
“Where are you taking me, exactly?” I frowned, crossing my arms.  
  
Ran rolled his eyes at me. “Rit-chan, I said it was a surprise because it’s a surprise, dipshit.”  
  
“Thanks, that’s so helpful.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Are you ready to go or not?”  
  
“I don’t know, do I need to change?” I asked, thinking that anywhere Ran drug me usually had to do with too-tight pants, skimpy shirts and the likes. The green v-neck and black jeans I was currently sporting usually was far too casual and not nearly slutty enough for the type of partying Ran had in mind.  
  
“No, we’re not going clubbing.” He rolled his eyes. “You act like all I ever do is drag you out to party.”  
  
I raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”  
  
And that’s how I came to be riding a train to where, only Ran knows. He gave me zero indication of where we were going and I knew better than to press it because once Ran decided something was a surprise, it stayed that way. Stubborn bastard.  
  
I had no idea where we could possibly be going since, to be honest, I didn’t know all that much about Ran. I knew he liked to party, and where he liked to party. I knew he was gay as hell and not afraid to announce it, I knew that he always got his way, that he was more stubborn than an angry oxen. I knew he liked me in v-neck netting shirts, and hell, I knew his taste in men varied. He was just attracted to who he was attracted to, there wasn’t much rhyme or reason. Type, height, build, features, they all varied when it came to Ran. But I could say they were always attractive, even though they weren’t always my type.  
  
I became more skeptical when we got off the train, and walked through a nice neighborhood until we stopped at a street corner. He paused and checked his phone for the time. “Any minute now.”  
  
“What?” I asked at the same time that a voice rang out from across the road, to our left.  
  
“Hey guys!” Zin waved, waiting for a car to pass before he and, of course, Hibiki crossed. Had I honestly ever seen one without the other? Zin pulled Hibiki across the street by the hand, stopping in front of us. “You guys ready?”  
  
“Yep!” Ran exclaimed, wrapping Zin in a quick hug. “I’m so excited!”  
  
“Ritsu,” Hibiki smiled and pulled me into a quick hug. “It’s good to see you.”  
  
I smiled back and returned the hug. Seeing them was a pleasant surprise, even if I didn’t know where our destination was. “It’s good to see you too. How are you guys?” I asked as Ran pulled Zin into a discussion.  
  
He glanced over at the two, that were now enveloped in a discussion about ‘the thing’, as they referred to it as. I didn’t think I wanted to know what ‘the thing’ was. “Things are really great for us.” He smiled, fond eyes landing on his partner. “How are you?”  
  
“Honestly, I’ve been better.” I shrugged, but then smiled. “I’m glad things are going well for you two. He looks happy.” I tilted my head toward Zin, who was beaming at something Ran had said.  
  
A smile broke over Hibiki’s face and I had to blink at it’s brightness. I don’t think I’d ever seen Hibiki smile that wide, like ever.  
  
“We’re both really happy.”  
  
I resisted the urge to say ‘ _I can fucking tell_ ’. “That’s fantastic.” I said instead, clapping him on the back.  
  
“Are we ready to get this show on the road?” Zin turned to us and smiled, before he enveloped me into a hug. “Are you excited, Ritsu?”  
  
“I’m actually a little afraid for my life.” I mumbled.  
  
Zin pulled back and frowned a little, tilting his head slightly. “What? We’re just going to-“  
  
“Ah!” Ran clamped his hand over Zin’s mouth, effectively cutting of the rest of his sentence, much to my dismay. “It’s suppose to be a secret!”  
  
Zin rolled his eyes and pulled Ran’s hand from his face. “Why the hell is it a surprise?”  
  
“That’s what I’d like to know.” I muttered with a small sigh.  
  
“Because,” Ran exclaimed in an almost whine. “ It’s fun!”  
  
“Oh, my bad.” Zin held his hands up in surrender, but not without another roll of his eyes.  
  
“I'm surprised you got him to come without telling him.” Hibiki chuckled, ruffling Ran’s hair.  
  
Ran huffed. “Ritsu trusts me, that’s why.”  
  
“No,” I shook my head. “I just know you never give up until you get what you want.”  
  
Ran rolled his eyes at me. “Whatever. Let’s go.”  
  
He grabbed Hibiki by the arm with a smirk and started pulling him down the street. Hibiki went reluctantly, a sigh escaping his lips.  
  
Zin and I trailed after them. He shoved his hands in his pockets, smiling absently as he watched his lover complain to Ran.  
  
“How are you, Zin?” I asked after a few minutes of silence.  
  
He looked at me and smiled. “I’m doing great.”  
  
“That’s good to hear.” I said, feeling my expression soften.  
  
“How are you?” He asked, his expression changing to one of concern. “Ran told us that Zelch contacted you. Have you heard anything else from him?”  
  
“I saw him outside my school over a week ago.” I said, keeping my eyes on the concrete at my feet.  
  
I heard him blow out a long sigh. “Damn. He hasn’t contacted me, so I don’t think he gives a shit about me.”  
  
“Well,” I said with a small smile. “I’m relieve to hear that at least.”  
  
“If you need anything, and I mean anything,” He stopped and his hand caught my elbow, spinning me to face him. “Call us. I mean it, anything.”  
  
“Thanks, Zin.” I met his concerned gaze and smiled reassuringly, despite my own doubts.  
  
“I know…” His hand tightened around my skin slightly. “How disgusting he is.”  
  
I swallowed and nodded, trying not to imagine the damage he’d done to this man. Zin was too pure a soul.  
  
His gaze slid to where Hibiki and Ran had stopped to wait for us. “I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without Hibiki, and I can’t even imagine how you handled it.” His eyes met mine and then he hugged me.  
  
I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him. Zin had always worn his heart on his sleeve. Things didn’t affect me quite the same as him. There was no doubt that what Zelch did to me was etched into my brain forever, but it didn’t break me. I wonder, if not for Hibiki, if it would have broken Zin.  
  
He pulled back with a small, troubled smile, and we continued walking. I didn’t tell him not to worry about me, and I don’t think he expected me to. We both knew all too well that we should be worried.  
  
“Come on, come on!” Ran called, bouncing in place. “It’s just another block.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah.” Zin said. “We’re coming.”  
  
“I hope not literally.” Ran smirked as we came to a stop in front of them.  
  
“That’d be kind of awkward.” Hibiki said, smiling softly.  
  
“As awkward as Zin undressing a drunk Ran?” I asked, unable to help the smile that pulled at my lips.  
  
“Oh, fuck you.” Zin said, shoving my shoulder. “And it was only his jeans. His jeans, Ritsu.”  
  
“I felt so betrayed that night.” Hibiki said, feigning a sad look with his hand over his heart.  
  
“You felt betrayed? What about me?” Ran said, eyes wide with horror. “I was the one that was violated!”  
  
“Oh my god,” Zin threw his hands up in exasperation. “When are you fuckwods going to let that go?”  
  
Ran was the first to lose his composure, bending over with the force of his laughter. Meeting Hibiki’s eyes left me in a fit, and I could tell how hard he was trying to keep his serious expression but he ended up in fits with us. Zin rolled his eyes at us and continued down the sidewalk, toward our unknown - to me anyway - destination. That only had us laughing harder.  
  
When we finally stopped, it was in front of a building, a storefront to be more precise. The front of the first floor was made up of windows, while the second floor was a warm peach color. The sign above the door said Floral Arrangements in a soft yellow color. I looked down, momentarily shocked at what I was seeing, to see Hibiki send me a grin before he filed in the door after the other two. I blinked back up at the sign before I entered the cute little building.  
  
The inside was far more colorful than the outside, lined with flowers of all shapes, sizes, and colors.  
  
Renji was standing next to a table with a vase on it, and was taking out some flowers, before adding others. He smiled warmly when he saw us enter, setting the flowers down next to the vase.  
  
“Mama!” Ran exclaimed before bounding up to him and wrapping his arms around his neck in a forceful hug.  
  
Renji chuckled, and hugged him back. “It’s so good to see you guys.”  
  
We all took turns hugging him. His hair, which he had dyed a dark auburn color, was pulled back with a hairband, but a few strands managed to fall to his forehead anyway.  
  
“So you finally got your dream job, huh?” I said, gesturing to the flowers around us.  
  
“I did.” He said with a smile. “It’s the best decision I ever made.”  
  
“Did you make the upstairs into an apartment, like you said you wanted to?” Ran asked as he looked over the arrangement Renji was currently working on.  
  
“Yes, and it’s perfect.” Renji ruffled Ran’s hair as he answered.  
  
“I love what you’ve done to the place.” Zin commented as he picked up a pink camellia and stuck it behind Hibiki’s ear.  
  
“Beautiful.” I said, bumping his shoulder with a grin.  
  
He glared at me before shifting his gaze to Zin, then striking possibly the gayest pose I’ve ever seen. “Does it make you horny baby?” He said, his voice high pitched.  
  
Zin raised his eyebrows in surprise, and I couldn’t help the snicker that escaped me.  
  
“Careful, Zin.” Ran waggled his eyebrows. “If you make him any prettier I might steal him from you.”  
  
“Please,” Zin rolled his eyes. “Like you could.”  
  
“I’d be more worried about Zin running off with Ran, to be honest.” I muttered into the brief silence.  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Zin threw his hands up once again. “Why can’t you guys let that die?”  
  
“Am I not pretty enough for you?” Hibiki said, clutching his shirt over his heart in a rather dramatic display.  
  
“I’m going to kill all of you, I swear to God.” Zin rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand.  
  
We laughed and high-fived. Hibiki removed the camellia from his ear and set it back in the vase Zin had found it in.  
  
“I forget how much of a riot you all are.” Renji said with a chuckle.  
  
“No, they’re just stupid.” Zin said with another roll of his eyes.  
  
Hibiki chuckled and reached over to ruffle his lover’s hair. “You love us.”  
  
“Me especially, apparently.” Ran raised his hand with a grin.  
  
“I fucking hate all of you.” Zin said but he couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him.  
  
“So,” Ran said with a clap of his hands. “When can I start, mama?”  
  
Renji smiled. “Whenever you want. You have to give notice, don’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, I gave notice last week after you called me. So I’ve got a week left.” Ran answered with a nod.  
  
“Just come in whenever your week is up, then. There’s no rush.”  
  
“Awesome.” Ran smiled and ran a hand through his messy blond hair. “I can’t wait.”  
  
“Are you guys still working at that restaurant?” I asked, turning back to the couple.  
  
“Yep.” Zin answered. “It’s great having a cook as a boyfriend.”  
  
“Oh so first I’m not pretty enough and now you keep me around because of my cooking skills.” Hibiki looked down at his boyfriend in mock shock. “I’m so hurt.”  
  
“Oh, shut up.” Zin hit him lightly on the arm.  
  
Hibiki just smiled as he leaned over and kissed Zin’s cheek.  
  
“You guys make my eyes hurt with all the happiness radiating off of you.” Ran commented, twirling a purple flower around in his hand. “It’s blinding.”  
  
“You mean Sion isn’t this loving?” I smirked, my gaze sliding to Ran’s.  
  
He blinked at me and then sighed softly. “Sion is a stubborn little shit.”  
  
I laughed. “He was at my place just the other day, saying the same thing about you.”  
  
“ _I’m_ stubborn?” He said, always in denial at how stubborn he actually was. “This guy is nuts. He says he’s straight, kisses me, has a visible meltdown inside, doesn’t return my phone calls for several days and then out of the blue asks me out. I have no idea what he’s thinking and if he wasn’t so damn cute I would have given up by now.”  
  
“Sounds like Ran has finally met his match.” Hibiki chuckled.  
  
“He asked you out?” I asked, shaking my head. “I didn’t know he had it in him.”  
  
“Neither did I.” Ran smiled. “I can tell he’s still freaking out a little but so far things are going pretty well.”  
  
“Well that’s good. I’m glad.” I smiled.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“How bout you, mama, found anyone?” Zin asked.  
  
“Yeah, I’ve been dating this guy for the past couple of weeks.” He said with a smile.  
  
“Tell us more, tell us more.” Ran chimed in.  
  
“Well, he has blond hair and green eyes. He’s tall, he’s a paramedic and so far I really like him.”  
  
“Is he hot?” Ran asked, pulling one of the stools next to the table over to sit on it.  
  
“Yes, very.”  
  
“Awesome.” Ran nodded, satisfied with that answer.  
  
“Good for you,” Zin said. “I’m glad.”  
  
“Thank you.” He said, before his gaze slipped to me. “How about you, have you found anyone Ritsu?”  
  
I shook my head. “Nope.”  
  
“What about that cute guy you brought to the shop once?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.  
  
“Masashi.” Ran offered up his name.  
  
“That was complicated. We were never actually together.” I said, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “But that’s over.”  
  
“Ah, sorry to hear that.” Renji said softly.  
  
“It’s alright.” I nodded.  
  
We spent the next hour or so just hanging out at the shop with him, stepping aside whenever a customer came in. It was great to see him so happy and doing something he loved. This was one of those moments I didn’t regret becoming an escort, because I had met these four amazing people. We didn’t know everything about one another, but that was okay. We had each other’s backs, and that’s what mattered.  
  
When we were ready to leave and walking out the door, my phone buzzed once in my pocket. As I read the message Ran asked if I wanted to join them for drinks, but I declined.  
  
“No,” I smiled at my phone before lifting my eyes to meet his. “I have somewhere to be.”  
  
-  
  
  
I knocked on Jun’s door twice, before I shoved my hands in my pockets as I waited. It didn’t take long, soon the door was opening to reveal bright blue eyes, blonde hair, and that smile that was all Jun.  
  
“Come on in.” He said, stepping aside and gesturing for me to enter.  
  
“Thanks.” I said as I entered, toeing my shoes off in the entry way.  
  
“Coffee?” He asked, passing me and walking into the kitchen.  
  
“I never turn down coffee.” I trailed after him and sat on one of the barstools.  
  
“Neither do I.” Jun smiled as he poured me a mug and slid it across the counter to me.  
  
“Thanks.” I said as I took a sip of the hot liquid. “What have you been up to today?”  
  
“Not much. I worked for a bit this morning and then I’ve just been hanging out here. What about you?” He refilled his own mug before he leaned against the counter, across from me.  
  
“I went to visit a friend who just opened a flower arrangement shop, and then I came here.”  
  
“Nice shop?” He lifted the mug to his lips.  
  
I nodded. “Yeah, really cute place.”  
  
“That’s cool. I can’t say I’ve ever been in a flower shop.” He shrugged.  
  
“This was my first time actually going to one.”  
  
“Was it all you’d hoped it would be?”  
  
“It’s a flower shop, not a fucking museum” I quirked an eyebrow.  
  
He laughed softly. “My bad.”  
  
“You’re definitely bad.” I waggled my eyebrows in a suggestive manner.  
  
“You know it.” He smirked.  
  
I chuckled softly, averting my eyes from his blue gaze down to my mug. We lapsed into a comfortable silence, both enjoying the hot bitter liquid we were so fond of. My thoughts drifted back to Renji, and his shop. He finally had his dream job and I was really happy for them. Actually, all of their lives seemed to be going well. Zin and Hibiki were still joined at the hip, and happier than ever. Ran had Sion, however weird that relationship was, and was going to work for Renji. I don’t know that there is anything more satisfying than seeing your good friends happy. I seemed to be the only one that didn’t have my shit together, but hopefully that was changing. I’d finally put my foot down with Masashi, and while part of me regretted it because I had probably lost him forever, and that hurt, but at the same time I felt relieved. I loved him, and loving him from a distance was less painful than loving him, fucking him and still unable to call him mine. I was tired of sharing. I wanted more, and I wasn’t going to accept less anymore.  
  
“So,” Jun said after a few minutes of silence. “Sounds like my sister and Nanase are becoming a thing.”  
  
I chuckled softly. “So it would seem. Nanase really seems to like her.”  
  
“Sil, too. Nanase is almost all she talks about.” He smiled. “It’s nice seeing her this happy.”  
  
“I agree. They both deserve to be happy, that’s for sure.” I nodded my agreement, absently twirling my mug around on the counter.  
  
“I would like to see you that happy.”  
  
I blinked up at him in surprise. He had a small smile on his face, and he was looking at me through his long eyelashes. I opened my mouth several times to answer, but no words came out. I didn’t have a response for that.  
  
He seemed to sense that because he went on, his eyes falling to his own mug. “Speaking of such, how are things going with the guy you like?”  
  
I was silent for another moment, trying to follow how we went from me being happy to this. “That’s…” I sighed. “I ended it with him.”  
  
His eyes flashed to mine, surprise and something I didn’t want to acknowledge in them. Hope. “Why?”  
  
“I’m tired of being second choice.” I shrugged, dropping my eyes to the mug in my hands as I moved it in circles. “I just finally got tired of being treated like a doormat, to be left outside when unwanted.”  
  
He moved around the island and stopped in front of my chair, spinning it so I was facing him. He wrapped his arms around my neck and just hugged me. “I’m sorry.”  
  
I dropped my head to his shoulder with a small sigh. “Thanks, Jun.”  
  
He hummed his response, not moving. “I don’t know him, but he sounds like a dick.”  
  
I chuckled softly. “He can be. He has a temper.”  
  
He’s also changed a lot, and done things he never thought he would, that I never thought he would. Most of which were things involving me. I felt responsible, but I suppose he made his own decisions. I just couldn’t help but feel like if I’d never confessed none of this would have happened and we could have just gone on being friends. I wanted to go back to when things were simpler, but I also didn’t want to be stuck in the friend-zone anymore. It was a lose-lose situation.  
  
“It’s a shame we don’t get to pick who we love, huh?” He said softly, his hand moving to absently run through my hair. It felt nice.  
  
“That’s no shit.”  
  
I wasn’t sure that I regretted loving Masashi. I had learned a lot about myself through my fucked up relationship with him. But we had also caused each other a lot of pain through it, and I wasn’t so sure it had made us better people. But what is done is done, and there was no going back.  
  
“Are you going to try to stay friends with him?” He asked, I think more to keep me talking than anything.  
  
“I don’t know that it’s possible for us anymore.” I shrugged in an attempt to make it seem like it wasn’t as big a deal to me as it actually was. I wasn’t entirely sure we would be able to stay friends, but I knew I definitely needed some time apart as much as the thought hurt. I would never be able to get over him if I was with him constantly. And the only way we would ever have a shot at friends is if I got over him. My feelings couldn’t hang over our head as a constant reminder of our strained relationship anymore. No, if we were going to be friends it had to be without any extra feelings getting in the way.  
  
“I’ve never had very good luck staying friends with an ex, but I think anything is possible.” His voice was soft in my ear as his fingers continued to run patterns through my hair.  
  
“You’re only saying that to make me feel better.” I muttered into his shirt.  
  
“But is it working?” I could hear the smile in his voice, and I couldn’t help the small smile that slipped over my face.  
  
“A bit, yeah.”  
  
He hummed slightly under his breath, before he pulled back and kissed the top of my head. “Want to watch overly sappy movies together and cry about all our lost loved ones and eat chocolate and ice cream like we’re two lovesick, heart-broken teenage girls?”  
  
“Hell yeah.” I chuckled and he ruffled my hair as he wandered over to the couch, gesturing for me to follow. I didn’t know what the future looked like for me, I knew it was going to be a bumpy ride for sure, and then there was the case of Zelch, looming around me like a shadow. But for once, I felt like I had a little control over my life. At least I wasn’t letting Masashi push me around anymore, nor was I pushing him around, and I felt like that was progress. It was only the first of many steps, but again, that was progress.  
  
“Let’s start with _The Note Book_ , that one always makes me cry.”  
  
I laughed softly as I plopped onto the couch next to him.  
  
“You think I’m joking?” He smirked.  
  
He was in fact, _not_ joking.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm way too tired for this. I just tried to upload this without adding the chapter. I also have to get up in four hours lmao fml.
> 
> I hope y'all weren't expecting another fluffy chapter cause this isn't it. 
> 
> This is the longest chapter yet, coming around 6,400 words :D I also broke 100,000 words for this fic, so I'm pretty proud of that. 
> 
> Thanks for those who have stuck around to read this. 
> 
> I hope you're prepared for this roller-coaster chapter.

  
“Ah, you’re up.”   
  
I was slipping my legs into a pair of Jun’s sweats, when I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. He had a mug in both hands, and he held one out to me. I stood up straight, bringing the sweats up with me, and took the mug from him. “Thanks.”   
  
“Don’t say I don’t know the way to your heart.” He smirked.   
  
I smiled over the rim of my mug. “Keep this up and I might ask you to marry me.”  
  
He snorted. “Sure you can afford a big enough rock?”  
  
I laughed, choking on my coffee. I sputtered for a moment before I regained my voice. “You mean a string won’t do?”   
  
“Is the string attached to a huge diamond?” He raised an eyebrow.   
  
I rolled my eyes. “You’re so hard to please, Jun.”  
  
“You know it.” He smiled and sipped from his mug.   
  
“So, you have plans today?” I asked as we left his room and went into the kitchen. I leaned against the counter as he got things out to make breakfast, or I suppose it was lunch now. Brunch.   
  
He shook his head, grabbing a pan from a cabinet. “Nope. Do you?”   
  
“I have to work this evening, but other than that, I don’t.”   
  
He nodded. “Want to hang out here until you have to go?”   
  
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” I replied.  
  
“Of course I don’t mind.” He threw a smile over his shoulder. “You’re always welcome here.”  
  
“Thanks.” I bit my lip, and tried to will away the heat that flooded my cheeks.   
  
He just nodded, his back to me. He cracked a couple eggs into the pan. “Scrambled eggs okay?”   
  
“Yeah, sounds good.” I sipped on my coffee as I watched him. “Want help?”   
  
“Nah, you just stand there and look cute.”   
  
“I’m pretty good at that.”   
  
“Oh, I know.” He turned, the corners of his lips turned up in a smirk. He moved across the kitchen, spatula in hand, and stopped in front of me. He set his hands on either side of me and leaned in, his lips barely hovering over mine. My heart accelerated instantly, and my stomach fluttered.   
  
“I like…” He tilted his head slightly and I could feel his breath hot on my face. “The way you look in my clothes.”   
  
My eyes flicked to his lips and then back up to his eyes. Amusement danced in his eyes along with something else, desire. Just as I leaned forward to close the distance he stepped back as suddenly as he moved forward, and ruffled my hair, before returning to the stove. I blinked in surprise as I stared at his back, waiting for my heart to return to a normal pace.   
  
“You… You’re a little shit.” I breathed out my disappointment.   
  
He chuckled, turning to wink at me. “You know it.”   
  
I don’t know what I felt more, shock or disappointment. “You know that’s not good for my heart, right?”   
  
“I think you’ll live.” He said lightly, using his spatula to move the eggs around.   
  
“Yeah, but what if I-“ I paused when a phone started ringing.   
  
“It’s not mine.” He said, gesturing to his phone on the counter.   
  
I walked out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom, where I’d left mine on the bedside table. I’d slept in Jun’s room as was becoming normal, despite the fact that our relationship was by no means normal. But I supposed it was far more normal than Masashi and I’s.   
  
I scooped my phone up and unplugged it. After seeing that the caller I.D. read Sasha, I answered, bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello?”  
  
“Ritsu?” Her voice sounded off.   
  
“What’s up?” I asked, wandering back into the kitchen.   
  
“Its dad… He’s in the hospital.” She said quickly, emotion strong in her voice. “I think you should come.”   
  
I stopped dead in the doorway to the kitchen. “Wait, what happened?”   
  
“He had a heart attack.” She said, her voice breaking.   
  
“Jesus…” I said, looking up and meeting Jun’s curious eyes. “Is he okay? What hospital?”   
  
“He’s stable. We’re at St. Jude’s.”   
  
“I’ll be there.” I said, hanging up.   
  
“Everything alright?” Jun asked, a frown adorning his face now.   
  
“I…” I met his gaze. “I have to go.”   
  
-  
  
I asked Jun to drive me to the hospital because St. Jude’s was on the other side of town. He did. I explained to him the situation my ever loving family was in as well. I was nervous to say the least. I hadn’t seen either of my parents in a year and a half, and I had no idea how they would react to me being there. I didn’t even know if Sasha told them I was coming.   
  
I didn’t think my mother would have had any problem with me being gay if it wasn’t for my father. She was, and always had, lived in his shadow.   
  
“You want me to come in with you?” Jun asked, eyeing me from the driver’s seat.   
  
“Yes,” I breathed out. “If you don’t mind…”   
  
“Of course.” He nodded and unbuckled his seat belt. He reached over and squeezed my hand before letting go and climbing out of the car. With a small sigh, I followed after him. We walked into the hospital together, my stomach feeling queasier with every step. I was about to ask the lady at the front desk for a room number, when I saw Sasha. She was walking quickly down the hall toward us, and I turned to tell the lady never-mind. I started toward her as well, and she closed the distance as she swung her arms around my neck in a tight hug.   
  
“How is he?” I asked against her shoulder.   
  
She stepped back, letting her arms fall to her sides. “He’s stable, right now. The doctors said he should wake up soon.”   
  
I sighed in soft relief. While he had made my life a nightmare, he was still my father. I still cared. “Good. Where’s mom?”   
  
“She’s down the hall.” She gestured over her shoulder. Then, she glanced over at Jun with a faint frown, who had stopped by my side. “You brought your boyfriend?”  
  
I could see how she would think that was a bad idea.   
  
Jun answered before I could. “I’m Jun,” He said, sticking his hand out for her to shake. “And I’m not his boyfriend.”  
  
She blinked in surprise, then her cheeks colored. She shook his hand. “Sorry to assume. I’m Sasha.”   
  
“Nice to meet you, Sasha.” He gave her a charming smile.  
  
“Likewise.” Her cheeks reddened even more. She turned to me. “Want to go see mom?”   
  
I nodded, worrying my lip. “Did you tell her I was coming?”   
  
She nodded. “Yeah, she’s fine with it. She never had a problem with it to begin with, Ritsu.”   
  
I sighed, having figured as much. Too bad she didn’t stand up for me the one time I’d truly needed it.   
  
Sasha turned on her heel and led us down the hall. I got more nervous with each step, and I sort of felt like I was going to be sick. Jun kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, like he was afraid I was going to explode.   
  
I saw mom at the same time she saw me. She was sitting in a chair against a wall, beside one of the hospital rooms. Most of her light brown hair was pulled up, though some strands had fallen loose in a messy manner. She looked exhausted. She looked like she’d aged five years since the last time I’d seen her. I wondered if I looked as different to her, as she did to me.   
  
When our eyes locked, she shot to her feet. Sasha stopped beside me, and she tapped Jun on the shoulder. “Let’s give them a minute.” He nodded and they headed back the way we’d come.   
  
I moved forward again and stopped in front of her, meeting her green eyes. Neither of us said anything for a moment, just stood there and looked at each other.   
  
“Mom.” I finally said, swallowing roughly.   
  
“Ritsu…” She said, her voice raspy around her emotions. Then her eyes teared up and tears began trickling down her face. “Oh, god Ritsu, I’m so sorry.”   
  
I just moved forward and hugged her, because I suddenly couldn’t find my voice. She was surprised, and it took her a moment to return the hug.   
  
“I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry, Ritsu, oh god.” She sobbed against my chest, hand tightening in my- Jun’s shirt.   
  
“Shh, it’s alright, mom.” I sighed and just tightened my arms around her. There was a part of me that forgave her, and a part of me that was still hurt. Even if she had stood up for me, the result would have been the same. But still, she didn’t even try. That was what hurt.   
  
“No, it’s not!” She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “It will never be _alright_.”  
  
I sighed again and directed her over to a chair, and I pulled one around to face hers before I sat in it. “What’s done, is done.”  
  
“That doesn’t make it okay.” She said, and she put her head in her hands. “ _God_ , I’m a horrible mother. I should’ve stood up for you, I should never have stood by and watched.”   
  
“The result would have been the same.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “You couldn’t have changed his mind anymore than I could have.”   
  
“That doesn’t matter.” She sighed and sat back to look at me. “I should have tried.”   
  
“Yes,” I said, before I could change my mind. “You should have.”   
  
I didn’t think we could ever be as close as we once were, not after what had happened.   
  
“I know. I should have reached out to you sooner, too.” More tears slipped down her cheeks, and she brushed them away with the back of her hand.   
  
“Yeah, you should’ve.” I gave her a small smile. “This past year has been hard.”   
  
“I’m so sorry, Ritsu.” Her voice broke and she reached forward to take my hands in hers. “Do you think you can forgive me?”   
  
I sighed and tightened my fingers around hers. “I already have, but things will never be the same.”   
  
Not after a year and a half of silence.   
  
“I know… All I can ask for is for you to be back in our lives again.” She looked hopeful.   
  
“I doubt dad wants to see me.”   
  
“He’ll come around, honey, he always does.” She smiled that naive smile of hers.  
  
“It’s been a year and a half,” I frowned. “If he hasn’t changed his mind yet, he won’t.”   
  
She nodded slightly, dropping her gaze. “He’ll come around, he has to. He regrets what he did to you, Ritsu.”  
  
I gave a half-shrug in response. I doubted he’d come around, but maybe she was right. Maybe he did regret it. Sasha had said the same thing. I was his son after all, so maybe he would change his mind.   
  
“When he does, do you think you can forgive him?” She asked, her eyes meeting mine again.   
  
Now it was my turn to avert my gaze. I slipped my hands from hers and leaned back in the chair. “I don’t know.”   
  
“Ritsu…”   
  
She didn’t get a chance to continue, as Sasha reappeared by our side. Jun was trailing along behind her, hands in his pockets. I stood from my chair and placed it back along the wall. Mom stood as Jun stopped next to me. His eyes met mine and I could see that he was concerned. I gave him as reassuring a smile as I could manage.   
  
“Um…” Mom said, glancing between Jun and I. “Your boyfriend?”   
  
Jun smiled. “No, we’re just friends. I’m Jun.” He stuck his hand out for her to shake.   
  
“Nice to meet you,” She shook his hand. “I’m Nina.”   
  
“Nice to meet you, too.”   
  
“So,” I turned my gaze to mom’s. “How is he?”   
  
“The doctors said it was a rather minor heart attack, but they want to keep him overnight to be cautious. He should wake up anytime.”   
  
I nodded. “Good.”   
  
“Do you want to talk to him, when he does wake up?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.   
  
I shoved my hands in my pockets and chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know. Wouldn’t that just upset him more?”   
  
“I don’t think he’ll get upset.” She smiled reassuringly. “I think you should.”   
  
“I might…”   
  
“You guys want to go down to the cafeteria to get some lunch?” Sasha offered.   
  
“That sounds good, I’m starving.” Nina nodded, and then turned to us. “Want to join us?”   
  
I looked to Jun and after a confirmative nod from him, I nodded. “Yeah, we will.”   
  
They started walking down the long hallway, Jun and I trailing after them.   
  
“You don’t have to stay,” I said, glancing at him. “You can go if you want to.”   
  
“Do you want me to go?” He asked, turning his head to meet my eyes.   
  
“Only if you want to.”   
  
He gave a small smile. “I want to stay, if you don’t mind.”   
  
I sighed a soft breath of relief and nodded. “I don’t mind. Thank you.”   
  
He ruffled my hair. “That’s what friends are for.”   
  
I smiled. I felt lighter after talking to my mom, even if only a little. I feel like the weight of my parents disappointment had been weighing me down, and it was nice to have some of it lifted. It was nice to know my mom wasn’t disgusted with me, and never had been. I don’t know that I could say the same for my father.   
  
“Are you okay?” Jun asked, his brow furrowing slightly with concern.   
  
“Yeah,” I said. “I am. A little overwhelmed, but I’m okay.”   
  
“Good.” He nodded, his face smoothing out.   
  
We entered the cafeteria, and we all got something and sat down. We made small talk, that was mostly focused on me.   
  
“Sasha said you’re still in school, you should graduate next year right?” Nina asked.   
  
“Yeah, one more year.”  
  
“Do you have a job?” She asked, and then frowned. “Well you must, to pay for everything. Where do you work?”   
  
“I work as a part-time waiter, at a place near my apartment.” I shrugged.   
  
“It must be rough balancing work and school.” Sasha chimed in.   
  
I shrugged again. “Not really.”   
  
After some more questions, her questions turned to Jun, and then to relative small talk. There was more to catch up on than we had time for, and it wasn’t long before a nurse came to tell us my father had woken up.   
  
We all walked back to his hospital room, albeit quicker than we did to the cafeteria. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, and my stomach tighten at the thought of seeing him again.   
  
Once we stopped outside the room, mom turned to look at me. “Do you want to see him first?”   
  
I shook my head automatically. “No, you guys go in first.” While I mentally prepare myself, I thought to myself.  
  
She nodded, and then she opened the door and walked in. Sasha did too, after a quick glance in my direction.   
  
I blew out a long breath as the door closed behind them. “I’m gonna go outside for a minute.” I said, glancing in Jun’s direction. He nodded and followed me down the hall and out the front door. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, pulled one out of the packet and then lit it. I offered the pack up to Jun. “Want one?”   
  
He shook his head with a small smile, and sat on a bench beside us. “Nah, I quit.”   
  
“Good, smoking is disgusting.”   
  
He chuckled lightly. “Yeah, then why do you do it?”   
  
I shrugged, blowing smoke toward the sky. “I traded one vice for another.”  
  
He nodded his understanding. “I wonder which is healthier.”   
  
“Probably smoking. At least smoking can’t give you STDs.”   
  
“True, but it does slowly kill you.”   
  
“I think it’s a lose-lose situation, then.”   
  
“I’m in agreement.” He smiled.   
  
“I don’t know if I’m ready to face him.” I blurted out. I swallowed roughly.   
  
“Then don’t.” He said. He patted the bench beside him.   
  
I moved over and sat down next to him. “You don’t think I should give it a chance?”  
  
“I think you should do what you want to do, what you’re ready for.” He shrugged as he moved his hand to brush a strand of hair out of my face. “If you’re not ready, don’t do it. If you are ready and you want to, then do it. No one is forcing you either way.”   
  
I nodded. He made a good point. “I just… I’m just afraid of what he’ll say. Mom and Sasha keep saying he’s changed his mind, and that he regrets what he said to me… But what if he doesn’t?”   
  
“I don’t know, Ritsu.” He sighed softly. “But I suppose you’ll never find out unless you talk to him.”  
  
“I know…” I stood up and put my cigarette out in one of those ashtrays above a trashcan. “Let’s go back inside.”   
  
“Okay.” He stood and followed me in.   
  
We walked back to my father’s room, where Sasha was now sitting outside it alone. She looked up as we approached.   
  
“How is he?” I asked, stopping in front on her.   
  
“He seems good.” She smiled and stood up. “He was a little groggy from the painkillers but he’s clearing up.”   
  
“That’s good. Did you guys tell him I’m here?”   
  
She shook her head. “No, I mean at least not while I was in there. Mom wasn’t sure you would want to talk to him anyway.”   
  
“I think…” I took a deep breath and blew it out. I did want to see him, despite my fears. If he did regret it, I think talking would do us both some good. “I would like to talk to him.”   
  
She looked up at me, her surprise evident. “Really?”   
  
“That surprises you?” I frowned.   
  
“Yeah, I mean kind of.” She gave a half-shrug. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to talk to him after what he did to you.”   
  
The door to his room opened before I could respond, and Nina filed out of it, closing the door quietly behind herself. She smiled as her eyes met mine. “You want to talk to him?”   
  
“Yeah.” I said, before I could change my mind. What I really wanted to do was run back to Jun’s car and forget this ever happened. But I also wanted to see him… I took my phone out of my pocket and held it out to Jun. I didn’t want it ringing while I was in there. “Will you hold onto this for a minute?”  
  
He nodded, and took it from me.   
  
Nina’s smile widened and she stepped aside for me to enter the room. Jun reached out and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly and I shot him a smile. Then, I opened the door and stepped into the hospital room. My heart jumped into my throat as I laid eyes on him. He didn’t look hardly any different from the last time I’d seen him, aside from how pale his skin looked, the heavy bags under his eyes, and his messy black hair. He looked like shit, but that was to be expected.   
  
His eyes opened to reveal his dark eyes, nearly black like his hair. They landed on my face, and his eyes lit up with what could only be surprise. So she hadn’t told him I was here. _Thanks, mom._   
  
“Hi, dad.” I said softly into the silence.   
  
His shock dissolved into an unreadable expression, and his eyebrows drew down into a frown.   
  
“How are you feeling?” I asked, taking a step toward the bed, slightly encouraged when he didn’t immediately shun me.   
  
“What the fuck are you doing here?”   
  
I shifted on my feet, only meeting his eyes from sheer force of will. “Sasha called me, told me what happened.”  
  
“So?” He raised an eyebrow.   
  
“Well, generally when your father is in the hospital, you want to go see him.” I said, swallowing roughly. I regretted coming into this room. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling. Nevertheless, I took another step forward.   
  
“As long as you’re a fag, you are not my son.” He spit out, his words dripping with malice.   
  
I flinched, but held my ground. “Regardless of me being a _fag_ or not, I’ll always be your son.”   
  
“No,” He shook his head as he denied it, denied _me_. “You’ll never be my son again.”   
  
Part of me had always hoped that his initial reaction had been from shock and denial, but it was plain to see that he simply was incredibly homophobic.   
  
“How can you say that to me?” I said, trying to the best of my ability to hide how much his words could hurt me. “I’m your _son_ , and you’re denying me simply because I like men?”   
  
“ _Simply_?” He spat, glaring. “You liking men changed _everything_. It’s disgusting, not to mention immoral and wrong!” He raised his voice, leaning forward.   
  
“How? It’s not like I fucking chose to be like this!” I yelled, gripping my shirt over my heart. “The only thing immoral and wrong is you denying me simply because of who I _am_ and always have been.”  
  
He snorted. “Any father in his right mind would do so. No one wants their kid to turn out to be a fucking faggot.”   
  
I stood there for a moment, staring at him. This man, who had raised me. This man, who I had looked up to so much as a child, as any boy did. This man, who had provided for us. How could this man be my father?  
  
“You know,” He continued, his voice dripping with venom. “I knew as soon as you switch your degree to business that you were a disgrace to this family.”   
  
I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut off my retort.   
  
“And then you came out, and I knew why everything had gone to shit. I didn’t raise you to be like this. You’re a disappointment.”   
  
“Stop it.” I didn’t want to hear it anymore. “Doing what I want to do doesn’t make me a disappointment.”   
  
“Doing what you want to do is disgusting.” He spat the words, his face red with anger. “Laying with another man is _disgusting_.”  
  
I took a step back, his words cutting through my resolve. I didn’t need to take this. I _couldn_ ’t take this.   
  
This man was suppose to be my father.   
  
I turned away from him, intent on walking out, when his voice rang out again.   
  
“Can’t even face the truth. You’re a coward.” He laughed bitterly.   
  
I didn’t answer, I just jerked the door open and left the room, closing the door tightly behind me. I took facing three pairs of curious eyes.   
  
“How’d it go?” My mother asked, but I could barely hear her over the sound of blood rushing in my ears.   
  
She had thought he changed his mind? Could she be any more naive?   
  
“I’m leaving.” I blurted out, and then brushed past Sasha and I headed down the hallway at a brisk walk.   
  
“Ritsu?” I heard Jun’s voice overlap my mother’s, my sister’s.   
  
I started running down the hall, barely slowing down long enough to let the automatic doors open for me. I heard them call my name, Jun in particular, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t _think_ long enough. I just needed out of there. I needed to be alone.   
  
I took a left out of the doors, running along the buildings front and across the parking lot. I ran across the street, slowing down just to make sure the coast was clear. I’d been hit by one car, and that was enough for one life time.  
  
I kept running, I ran for a long time. Past buildings, shops, businesses, homes, streets. I ran and ran.   
  
How could he say that to me? How could anyone say any of that to their son, their own flesh and blood?   
  
I would never understand.   
  
I slowed to a jog at some point, and kept going until I was forced to stop for air. I couldn’t breath, and I didn’t know if it was from running or not. I reached out and leaned against a brick building to catch my breath. While I struggled to regulate my breathing, and return my heart to a normal pace, I tried to figure out where I was. I didn’t recognize the street names, or any of the buildings. I seemed to be in some sort of business distract. It was nice but not _really_ nice. Nevertheless, I didn’t know where I was, and I honestly wasn’t sure how to get back to where I’d been.   
  
_Stupid. This was stupid._   
  
I should never have gone. He’d given up the right to be my father a year and a half ago.   
  
His words rang in my head like a mantra that wouldn’t stop.   
  
“ _Disgusting_.”  
  
No, I wasn’t. There was nothing _wrong_ with me. There was nothing wrong with who I was.  
  
“ _Disappointment_.”   
  
I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. I walked a few feet forward and stepped into an alley. I didn’t need anyone spotting me and wondering if I was crazy. I walked about halfway down the alley before I stopped, and sat on a crate.   
  
“ _Immoral_.”   
  
I set my head in my hands, willing the voice to stop. His voice. He was wrong, he was so wrong about me. It was immoral, or wrong. Fuck, it wasn’t like I woke up one day and thought ‘from today onward, I’m going to like dick’. It wasn’t a _choice_. It’s just how I was, who I am.   
  
“ _Disgrace_.”   
  
“Fuck,” I swore, willing the tears that built up to disappear. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”   
  
The tears built up and spilled over, cascading down my face. I bit my lip to keep from sobbing, my hands twisting in my hair to the point of pain.   
  
I should never have gone. I should’ve fucking listened to my gut feeling. _Fuck_.   
  
Why is this getting to me like this? It’s been a year and a half of silence, I shouldn’t be surprised. I shouldn’t be so hurt. I shouldn’t…   
  
But I was. I was surprised, I was hurt. Even after a year and a half he was still so bitter, so angry. Like I had ruined _his_ life. I was gay, not a fucking terrorist.   
  
He hated me. It was easy to tell, in the way the words dripped from his words with such venom, in his evident anger. He hated me, because I hadn’t turned out like he had hoped. I hadn’t chased his dream to be an architect. I liked men. In his eyes, I was a disgrace. A disappointment. _Disgusting_.   
  
A low whine left my lips as I tried to suppress the emotions that threatened to spill out of me. I was hurt, but I was also angry. I wanted to hit something, but I also wanted to sit on this crate and cry. I did the latter.   
  
I did the latter for what seemed like a long time, but who knows how long it really was.   
  
People passed by the alley, but I was either far enough in that they couldn’t see me, didn’t notice me, or didn’t care. I didn’t care which it was, but I was glad for it. The last thing I wanted was some stranger asking me if I was okay.   
  
I wasn’t okay.   
  
I stayed long enough that my tears eventually dried up, and a certain numbness fell over my emotions. My thoughts became more rational. And my first rational thought was of Jun. I had left him there. I had run, like a coward. Like my father had said, I was afraid to face the truth, but it was a different truth than he had been implying.   
  
I let my emotions get the best of me. I should have expected, or at least been prepared for what happened. I should’ve known he’d never change his mind.   
  
I stood up, wiping my face as I did so. I needed to go back. I was about to call him to ask where he was, when I realized he still had my phone. Shit. If he wasn’t still there, I’d go to his apartment. There was no way he wasn’t worried.   
  
I left the alley the way I’d come, and turned left down the sidewalk, the way I’d come. I wasn’t entirely sure where I was, but I’d find my way back. If not, I’d stop and ask someone for directions.   
  
I looked around a bit more, but I still didn’t recognize the area, the streets, the buildings. I had been in that alley for quite a while, because it was starting to get dark. The sun was low enough in the sky to cast large shadows over the streets. The street lights were on, but they were far and in between, leaving bits of the street in relative darkness.   
  
I was passing an alley, thinking nothing of it, when it happened.   
  
Something hit me in the back of this head, just hard enough to catch me off guard and knock me down. I landed on my hands and knees, my breath escaping me in a rough exhale. It took me a moment to comprehend why I was suddenly staring at the concrete, and then I tried to stand back up so I could get the fuck out of dodge. Someone’s foot connected with my back, kicking me down hard, causing my forehead to smack against the ground with a painful _crack_.   
  
Stars burst across my vision, disorienting me just long enough for the man to grab the back of my shirt. He hauled me backwards and hooked an arm around my neck, then drug me backwards into the alley. I struggled, thrashing my arms and legs in an attempt to throw him off balance, but to no avail. His arm was cutting off my air supply, as if the blow to the head wasn’t enough to make my vision burst with spots. I clutched at his arm, trying to pry it away so that I could breath, but he was bigger and stronger.   
  
“Let go of-“ His arm tightened, effectively cutting off the rest of my sentence.   
  
He drug me further into the alley and then dropped me. I rolled onto my side, coughing and sputtering as I drug oxygen back into my lungs. The man’s foot connected with my shoulder, pushing until I rolled back onto my back.   
  
My vision was clearing, but not fast enough. My lungs felt like they were on fire. My mind screamed at me to run, to get up and get out, but my body wasn’t cooperating. Something hot and sticky was trickling down my face. I reached up to touch it and pulled my hand back to look at it. _Blood_.   
  
My assailant stepped over me, a leg on each side of my waist, before his weight dropped down, his knees dropped hard onto my shoulders. Cool steel pressed against my throat, stilling me. It pressed down, slicing a shallow line into my skin. I felt blood begin trickling down the side of my neck. I yelped, and then my eyes widened as I recognized the man. Suddenly, as I stared up into glinting dark eyes matched with auburn hair, I realized, this wasn’t simply a mugging.   
  
No, this was _much_ worse.   
  
Zelch smiled down at me as he watched, and no doubt enjoyed, the panic that swept over my face. “You didn’t really think I’d give up now, did you?”   
  
I couldn’t find my voice. No, I’d never thought he’d give up. I had been dreading this moment since the phone call, perhaps even before that.   
  
“See, I’ve enjoyed watching you these past few months.” His mouth curled into a disgusting smirk. “You have an interesting schedule, or more like lack of one. It was so hard to figure out where you would be next.”   
  
“Why are you-“ He cut me off.   
  
“Since you don’t have any sort of schedule, and you so cleverly surrounded yourself with your friends, I came to the conclusion that this would have to be a chance grab. I knew that after you left that hospital in such a flurry, that tonight would be perfect.” He chuckled, tilting his head slightly to the side.   
  
I felt sickened to my stomach, nauseated. That last part might also be from the blood that was spilling out of my head. He’d been watching me, a lot and for a long time.  
  
“I almost went for you in that alley,” He went on. “But there was no way you would’t have heard me coming. It was much more convenient, and fun, to wait it out.”   
  
“Why are you doing this?” I said, my voice sounding far more weak and afraid than I would have liked it to.   
  
“Why?” He scoffed, disbelief crossing his features. “ _Why_? Because whores like you strut around in your skimpy outfits, taking people’s money and expecting them to walk away. You take us for granted.”   
  
“ _What_?” I frowned, barely suppressing a flinch as frowning pulled at the cut on my forehead.   
  
That didn’t make any sense.   
  
“You act like you are so superior to everyone, like you’re _better_ than us.” He spat, spittle landing on my face.   
  
“What the fuck are you talking a-“ The knife pressing into my throat cut off my reply. I swallowed roughly.   
  
Anger flashed in his eyes at my response, and he leaned back just enough to slap me across the face. My head snapped to the side, an exhale leaving my lips roughly. I was momentarily stunned before my gaze refocused, and returned to his. My jaw ached, but that didn’t stop me from clenching it.   
  
He was crazy. What he was saying didn’t make sense, I’d never acted like I was better than him, or anyone.   
  
“See, you whores think-“   
  
His words were cut off by my knee hitting him in the back, catching him by surprise and knocking him off balance. It didn’t knock him off me, but it made one of his knees slip just enough for me to get my arm loose. I took the chance, and hit him across the face as hard as I could before he could recover. He was knocked to the side, and I flipped onto my hands and knees, intent on running down the alley.   
  
But I had no such luck.   
  
His hand wrapped around my ankle, and yanked me back down. I yelped again, and tried to kick my way free. He grunted with the effort of keeping hold of me, before his knee came down on my free ankle, effectively twisting it to the side in a painful manner. A whine escaped my lips at the pain.   
  
His free hand twisted in my hair and slammed my forehead back down onto the concrete. Stars burst back across my eyes, and I groaned at the pain in my head. He took the opportunity to release my ankle, and recover his knife, which he pressed back to my throat. I stilled, my muscles tense.   
  
“Fucking move again and I swear to God, if there even is one, I’ll kill you.” He growled, his deep voice next to my ear.   
  
A whine slipped past my lips again, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I was going to die. This man was going to kill me, for absolutely no reason other than his crazy theories. He was going to kill me over _nothing_.   
  
“Good. Now, I’m going to show you what happened to people who think they’re better than me.” I couldn’t see him, but I knew that disgusting smirk was dancing over his lips.   
  
My eyes shot open as his hand, the one without the knife, snaked under my waist. “N-no.”   
  
My protest fell on deaf years, and his hand slipped to my waistband. His fingers slipped under the waistband of my sweats, and reached down to grope me.   
  
“No!” I said as loudly as I dared. “Please, anything but that. _Please_.”   
  
I heard him chuckle bitterly above me. “You should’ve thought about that before, _whore_.”  
  
I bit my lip to the point that I tasted blood to keep from screaming. His touch only brought up memories I’d done my best to bury. It disgusted me, nauseated me.   
  
I was hopeless to do anything. One wrong move and he’d kill me. He might kill me anyways.  
  
My hand curled into a fist as his hand continued to grope and prod at me, and I was beginning to think death would be better than this.   
  
“Hey!” I heard a voice ring out in the alley, causing Zelch to jump in surprise.   
  
I held still, my hope bubbling to the surface.   
  
“Hey, get the fuck off him!” The man said again. I heard feet running toward us.   
  
Zelch swore under his breath, then scrambled to his feet, but not before he promised that this wasn’t over. Then he bolted down the alley in the opposite direction.   
  
I lifted myself to my hands and knees as a set of feet ran past me. The man only ran a short ways in front of me to ensure Zelch wasn’t going to return, before he jogged back to me. I flinched as he knelt down in front of me.   
  
“Hey,” He said, his voice soft and comforting. “It’s okay. He’s gone. Are you okay?”  
  
I nodded slowly, ignoring the dark spots that danced across my vision as I looked up to see who my savior was.   
  
I found myself looking into concerned green eyes.   
  
Emotions danced across those green eyes. Concern, recognition, shock, confusion. “Ritsu…?”   
  
These were green eyes I knew.   
  
“Tanaka?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I live for your thoughts.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this. 
> 
> Prepare for some Tanaka. 
> 
> And stuff. 
> 
> Okay, bye.

  
  
“Tanaka?”   
  
“Oh my god, Ritsu.” He said, eyes wide. He extended his arms out as if to catch me as I leaned back onto my heels, swaying slightly. “Are you okay?”   
  
Dark spots danced across my vision for a moment, before it cleared. I met his gaze and gaze a slight nod. “Yeah, I think so.”   
  
He reaches out and tilts my head to the side, to get a better look at the cut on the side of my forehead. “Jesus.” He breathes out, face drawn in thought. “I don’t think you’re going to need stitches, but we need to stop the bleeding. Come on, we need to get you to the hospital. My car isn’t far, can you walk?”   
  
I shook my head, but slowly so I didn’t get dizzy. “I can’t go to the hospital.”   
  
“You could have a concussion. It’s better safe than sorry, right?” He said with a faint frown.   
  
I blew out a sigh. “I can’t afford another hospital bill.”   
  
“Another?” He said softly. “Well, luckily for you, I can.”   
  
“I can’t ask you to do that.” I shook my head again, and tried to stand. My vision blurred and I stumbled, but he reached out and caught my arms.   
  
“Easy.” He said and helped me slowly stand. I closed my eyes briefly, until I felt steady on my feet. “You okay?”   
  
“Yeah. Thanks.”   
  
He nodded and took a tentative step back, arms extended in case I stumbled again. When I stayed standing easily, he dropped his arms back to his side. “Please let me take you to the hospital. I’ll pay for it, so don’t worry about that.” He said, tilting his head to get a better look at my face. “Unless there’s another reason you don’t want to go?”   
  
I blew out a soft sigh. Therapists, man. So perceptive. “There is another reason.”  
  
“Does it have to do with police being involved?” He asked softly. His finger tapped under my chin, so I would look up at him. I did, and met his concerned green eyes. I didn’t see anything other than simple curiosity and concern in his eyes.   
  
“It does.”   
  
He gave a soft sigh, and when he spoke his voice was quiet, lacking any sort of accusation. “What did you do, Ritsu?”   
  
“Remember when I said I slept around a lot?” I sighed. I pressed my palm against my forehead and flinched. It was still bleeding, but not too much.  
  
He nodded.   
  
“Well, I was a male escort for about a year.” I said with a half-shrug.   
  
He blew out a sigh. “Okay. We won’t get the police involved, but you need to go to the hospital.” He held up a hand when I opened my mouth to protest. “Please, I’d rather be safe than sorry.”   
  
I sighed, giving in. “Okay.”   
  
“Can you walk?”   
  
“Yeah, I think so.”   
  
He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the front of the alley, asking me here and there if I was okay. I just gave a small smile and said that I was. My head was pounding something horrible, and I was a bit light headed. Other than that, I was fine. Well, physically anyway.   
  
I knew that what just happened hadn’t even begun to hit me.   
  
It wasn’t a far walk to Tanaka’s car. It was a rather miserable short walk, my head pounding in time with each step I took. Tanaka didn’t let go of my hand until we reached the passenger side of his car. He opened the door for me, and with a mumbled thanks I got in. Once he closed it behind me, he walked around the front of the car to the driver’s side, sliding into the seat with grace.   
  
I slid my seat belt on as he turned the engine over, and I listened to the purr of the engine. It was in no way as seductive as the purr of Jun’s Dodge Challenger. I couldn’t help the upturn of my lips as I thought of Brisk.   
  
But I felt guilty when I thought of Jun. _I left him there._   
  
“Did you know him?” Tanaka’s voice broke the silence, glancing in my direction.   
  
I nodded, and swallowed.  “He’s… an ex-client that has some sort of vendetta against me.”   
  
He blinked and looked over at me. “Why?”  
  
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Nothing he said made any sense.”   
  
“What did he say?”   
  
“That I acted like I was superior to him.” I took a deep breath and leaned my head against the seat.  “He kept referring to whores in general, now that I think about it.”   
  
It didn’t make sense to me. When had I acted like I was better, or even given the impression that I thought that?  
  
“Sounds like a real piece of work.” He said softly.   
  
“He is.” I said, ignoring the faint tremor in my hands.   
  
Tanaka didn’t miss it though, and he reached over to take one in his own, squeezing it gently.   
  
-  
  
“Well, you don’t need stitches.” The nurse said, confirming what Tanaka had said earlier. “You don’t seem to have a concussion, but you’re going to have one hell of a headache the next couple of days. I would suggest lots of sleep.”   
  
I nodded, silently relieved. “Thank you.”   
  
The nurse was relatively young. Probably close to thirty, but younger than Tanaka.   
  
“He doesn’t need to stay overnight or anything?” Tanaka asked from where he leaned against the wall beside the door.   
  
She shook her head. “No. I’ll have the doctor prescribe some painkillers, and then you guys can be on your way.”   
  
Tanaka nodded, looking relieved as well.   
  
“Can you give us a moment?” The nurse looked to Tanaka. He nodded, shouldering off the wall and then walked out the door.   
  
I watched him close the door behind him before meeting the nurse’s eyes, curious to what this was about. I realized she looked worried.   
  
“Did he do this to you?” She asked, concern leaking through her professional facade.   
  
I blinked in honest surprise, before I just chuckled with a shake of my head. “No, no way. He’s a friend, and he’s helping me. I swear.”   
  
She still looked a little skeptical, and I couldn’t really blame her. Lord knows how many domestically abused men and women she saw come in here. “Okay… I just wanted to make sure.”  
  
“Thank you.” I smiled at her and she looked like she felt better about it.   
  
She just nodded with a faint smile. “I’ll get this prescription filled out and send you on your way.”   
  
“Thanks.”   
  
She left and shortly after Tanaka came back in. He stopped in front of me with a smile, looking over my crisp new bandages. “She wanted to know if I beat the shit out of you, didn’t she?”   
  
“Bingo.” I smirked. “I told her we got in an argument because I bought you the wrong kind of tea.”   
  
He rolled his eyes. “I hate sweet tea, you know that.”   
  
I chuckled. “Well fucking forgive me, princess.”   
  
We lapsed into easy banter until the nurse returned. She gave me the prescribed painkiller, and told me to take it easy. I thanked her, and then Tanaka and I left. He took me back to his apartment first, but told me he’d drive me wherever I wanted to go later.   
  
His apartment was furnished with the bare essentials. He left everything to his soon-to-be ex-wife, which explained it. He did have a couch and coffee table, however there was no TV. I didn’t care, even when the TV was on at my place I rarely paid any attention to it.   
  
“Make yourself at home.” He said. “You hungry?”  
  
“Not really.” I shrugged. I hadn’t eaten all day, but I didn’t feel hungry.   
  
“Well, if I make soup or something will you eat it?” He asked, giving a small smile. He held up the baggy that held the bottle of pain pills. “The nurse said you shouldn’t take these on an empty stomach.”  
  
“Yeah.” I chuckled.   
  
“Okay, I’ll make something. Go sit on the couch and pretend I have a TV.” He chuckled, gesturing to his couch.   
  
I smiled and did as I was told, plopping down onto his couch. I noticed three framed pictures on the coffee table, and I leaned forward to inspect them. One was a photo of, I’m assuming, his wife and daughter. His wife was sitting on the couch with the young girl in her lap, and she was reading her a book. The second was of him and his daughter walking towards the camera, with his daughter on his shoulders. She looked pretty young in both pictures. The third was a family photo of the three, dressed up for some special occasion. Tanaka had a hand on his wife’s back, while their daughter stood in front of them. They smiled at the camera. His wife was beautiful, with lush wavy black hair that fell to her waist and brown eyes. His daughter was equally pretty, with hair as dark as her mother’s only her’s was straight. She had her father’s eyes though, and a dimple on her left cheek. Where she got the dimples was beyond me, as neither of her parents did.  
  
“My family.”   
  
I jumped, not having heard him come in. I turned to look at him. “What?”   
  
He gestured to the pictures. “My wife and daughter.”   
  
“Oh, yeah. I figured.” I smiled. “They’re beautiful.”   
  
“Yes.” He smiled as well, although it was tinged with sadness. “They are.”   
  
“What are their names? I don’t think I ever asked.”   
  
He walked over to the couch and gazed down at the pictures. “My daughter’s name is Chiyo, and her mother’s is Mika.”   
  
“And you said Chiyo is six?”   
  
“Seven.” He corrected.   
  
“She’s beautiful.”   
  
“Thanks.” His smile turned fond, and it was hard to not find him attractive when he smiled like that. “At least one good thing came out of our marriage.”   
  
“How is she taking the divorce?” I asked, picking the picture of her and him up.   
  
He sighed softly. “Better than I expected, but I can tell she’s pretty down about it.”   
  
“I can imagine. She’s still so young.” I gazed at the happy smile they both wore in the picture.   
  
“Yeah, she is. But at least it’s not a nasty divorce.”  
  
“Very true.”   
  
“I’ll be right back.” He said and then wandered back into the kitchen to check on the soup.   
  
I set the picture back down next to the others. His family was beautiful, and in all these pictures he looked happy. But I couldn’t help but wonder what he was feeling. He probably was happy, and content, but deep down he must have felt that something was missing or he would never have come out. I wonder what it was that finally tipped him over the edge.   
  
I sighed, idling tugging Jun’s shirt away from my neck. Jun’s shirt. The front of it had blood on it, from where it’d dripped off my chin. I pulled it forward to try and look at it. It was dry now. I swallowed, letting the cloth slip back through my fingers as I looked away to try and focus on something else, anything else. Anything other than his hands on me. Anything other than cool steel pressed against my throat.   
  
Anything other than the fear I felt.   
  
I dropped my head into my hands, my fingers slipping through my hair and gripping it. _Much like he had._  
  
Shit.  
  
Flashes of his sneer.   
  
His voice deep voice too close to my ear.   
  
His hot breath against the back of my neck.   
  
Shit, shit, _shit._  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut against the memories, and tried to focus on slowing my breathing, when I realized I couldn’t fucking _breath_ to begin with. My breaths came and went in quick gasps that were much too shallow to actually be called breathing. My heart was racing much too fast, which only caused the throbbing in my head to worsen.   
  
I couldn’t get the way his hands felt on me out of my head long enough to calm down. The way his grip was too hard and too tight, too quick and too rough. The way his hand felt in places it didn’t and never had, belonged. Groping and prodding, enjoying it whether I responded or not.   
  
The way his hands made me feel _sick_.   
  
“Ritsu.”   
  
The voice was too close, and too familiar and too soft, too kind, too comforting to be _his_ , but still too close, and as he touched my arm I flinched away violently. “N-no!”   
  
My back hit the back of the couch, only causing my heart beat to quicken and my panic to rise, as I had nowhere to go.  
  
“Shhh, Ritsu.” Tanaka was kneeling down in front of me, not touching me. “It’s just me.”  
  
“ _S-Shit_.” I hissed through clenched teeth. My hand bunched my shirt up over my heart.   
  
It felt like it would pound right out of my chest.   
  
“Just focus on me, okay?” He said, his voice soft and non-threatening. “Focus on your breathing. In one, out one.”  
  
I gave a faint nod, keeping my eyes on his as I focused on breathing deeper breaths.   
  
“Good,” He said softly, although I wasn’t so sure I’d actually managed to change anything. “What’s your favorite color?”   
  
I tried to think about that through the fog of panic in my mind. “B-“ I stuttered over a gasping breath. “Blue?”   
  
“What shade of blue, Ritsu?”   
  
“Jun’s e-eyes.” I managed to breath out, although I didn’t think about the fact that he had no idea what shade Jun’s eyes were.   
  
“Okay, good. Focus on your breathing. In two, out two.” His voice was calm and comforting.   
  
I gave another short nod and managed a few breaths that were slightly deeper than I’d been managing before.   
  
“Good.” He gave a small smile. “What’s your favorite drink?”   
  
I took several more attempts at deep breaths before I answered through a short exhale. “Coffee.”   
  
He nodded. “What is your favorite lunch meat?”   
  
“Roast beef.” I answered, sounding rather breathless.   
  
“Good. Focus on your breathing. In two, out two.”   
  
I did, and I slowly calmed my breathing back to a relatively regular pace. My heart still pounded, but it too, was slowing.   
  
Once he saw I was calming down, and no longer panicking, he smiled. “You okay?”   
  
I nodded slightly, which was half true. I would be okay. “Sorry.”   
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He reached forward slowly and squeezed my hand.   
  
I blew out a long sigh and leaned forward. I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.”   
  
“You don’t have to thank me, either.” He said softly as he wound his arms around my back.   
  
“Thank you,” I said again, my voice breaking. “For coming when you did. If you hadn’t-“   
  
“Don’t think about that, Ritsu.” He said, giving my middle a slight squeeze. “What matters is that I did, and that you’re alright.”   
  
A few stray tears slipped from my eyes and fell to his jacket. “Thank you.”   
  
“If I say you’re welcome will you stop thanking me?” He said and chuckled.   
  
I smiled and dropped my head to his shoulder. “Probably not.”   
  
He _tsked_ and reached up to ruffle my hair. “Brat.”   
  
“Old man.”   
  
He scoffed softly. “You said I wasn’t that old.”   
  
“I lied.” I said, unable to help the smile that pulled at my lips. “You’re old.”   
  
He pulled back to look at me, smiling. “You’re a little shit.”   
  
“I know.”   
  
“You okay?” He asked, his eyes revealing the concern he felt.   
  
I nodded. “I think so.”   
  
I don’t think he believed me, and frankly, I didn’t believe myself. But he nodded and stood. “I’m gonna go dish up the soup real quick.” His eyes flicked down to my clothes. “And get you a new shirt.”   
  
“Okay.” I nodded, biting my lip.   
  
He left the room, his feet padding lightly across the floor. I leaned back against the couch with a long sigh. I was tired, so tired.   
  
It wasn’t long before he came back with two bowls in his hand, and a shirt slung over his shoulder. He set the bowls down on the coffee table, and then retrieved the pill bottle from his jacket pocket before he set it down on the table, too.  Then he handed me the shirt.   
  
I smiled when I saw the color. “Blue, huh?”   
  
“Shut up.” He said as he sat next to me and picked up his bowl. I didn’t miss the blush that spread across his cheeks.   
  
I chuckled as I slipped out of my shirt. I glanced over at Tanaka, who had paused in his eating to stare at me. He looked away when I quirked an eyebrow at him.   
  
“Sorry.” He mumbled, his cheeks heating up even more.  
  
“Don’t be.” I slipped the blue shirt over my head and then smirked at him. “Cradle robber.”   
  
He scoffed again. “Old, he says.” He shook his head. “Cradle robber, he says.”   
  
I laughed and shoved his shoulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”   
  
He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s a damn fine cradle.”   
  
“I know.”   
  
He smiled and chuckled. “You’re a confident little shit.”   
  
I just smiled, because we both knew I wasn’t as confident as I acted.  
  
“So, tell me.” He glanced over at me as I started eating. “Who’s Jun? Your boyfriend?”   
  
I gave a small smile and shook my head. “No. He’s a friend.”   
  
“The way you’re smiling makes it hard to believe he’s _just_ a friend.” He quirked an eyebrow, his green eyes amused.   
  
“Maybe he’s more. I don’t know.” I sighed. “I _do_ like him.”   
  
“But?”   
  
“But I’m afraid I’m still too hung up on… that straight guy I told you about last time.” I was pretty sure I never told him Masashi’s name.   
  
“Ah, I gotcha.” He nodded his understanding. “Are you trying to give up on that guy or are you still going for it?”   
  
“I’m trying to get over him.” I said without hesitation. I knew now that Masashi and I would never have a future, regardless of how many times I wished for one.   
  
“Does Jun like you?” He asked, swirling his soup around in his bowl.   
  
“I’m pretty sure he does.” He dropped enough hints for me to be nearly positive.   
  
“Then why not give him a chance? Who knows, you may end up loving him.”   
  
I swallowed a mouthful of soup. “I don’t want to hurt him.”   
  
I was afraid that if I _did_ go for it with Jun, that I would remain hung up on Masashi, and that I’d ruin our relationship. I didn’t want to hurt Jun. He was too important to me at this point, and he deserved better. I didn’t want to use him to overcome my feelings for someone else.   
  
“Does he know you love this other guy?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“And he still insinuates that he likes you?”   
  
“Yes?” I frowned, not sure where he was going with this.  
  
“Then he knows what he’s getting in to.” He met my gaze. “Let him take that chance.”   
  
I blinked at him. “You’re one hell of a therapist.”   
  
He laughed. “Thanks, I think.”   
  
Comfortable silence fell over us as we finished eating. I wasn’t sure I could ever repay what he had done for me tonight, but I would try.   
  
When we finished eating he took our bowls back to the kitchen, and brought me a glass of water to wash down the pills.   
  
“Thanks.” I said as I took the glass. I took the pills and washed them down with the water, before I set the glass back down on the coffee table. “Can I borrow your phone?”   
  
“Course.” He nodded and dug into his pocket. He produced his cell phone and handed it to me. Then he turned to leave the room. “I’ll give you a minute.”   
  
I thanked him as I took it. I didn’t know Jun’s number, but I did know Nanase’s. I typed her number in and hit send, bringing the phone to my ear. It rang a couple times before her voice rang out. “ _Hello_?”   
  
“Nanase?”   
  
“ _Ritsu_? _Oh my god, where the hell are you_?” She asked quickly. “ _Jun called Sil and had her ask me if I’d seen you_.”   
  
“I’m okay. I’ll explain everything tomorrow, I promise. But can you do me a favor?” I bit my lip as I waited for her answer.   
  
“ _Of course, what is it_?”   
  
“Will you tell Jun that I’m fine? Tell him I’m going to be coming to his place to explain everything.” I said, honestly hoping he wouldn’t be pissed. It was pretty late now, and I could only imagine what was going through his head. “And tell him I’m sorry.”   
  
“ _Of course. You should’ve heard him Ritsu, he sounded really worried_.” I could hear the concern in her own voice. She said something to someone else, Sil probably, and then her voice came back on. “ _So am I_.”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry.”   
  
“ _Sil is calling him_.” She sighed softly. “ _But you’re okay_?”   
  
“Yeah… I’m okay.” My breath shuddered on the way out as I sighed.   
  
“ _Okay_ …” I know she didn’t believe me, but she didn’t say anything about it. I heard Sil say something on the other end, but I couldn’t make it out. Then, Nanase’s voice came back on. “ _Jun wants to know if you want him to come get you_.”  
  
I smiled. “No, that’s okay. I have a ride.”   
  
She told Sil that, before she responded. “ _Who’s your ride_?”   
  
“It’s a really long story.” I answered with a sigh. It was a long story. “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, okay?”   
  
She mumbled something under her breath. “ _Wait, so Jun gets to know first? Oh, I see how it is_.”   
  
I smiled at the sarcasm in her tone. “Well, you are the one that thinks he and I look good together.”   
  
She scoffed. “ _But I didn’t give my permission for you to just shove me aside like that_.”   
  
“Oh, are the queen’s feelings hurt?”   
  
“ _Shut up_.” I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.  
  
“Well, I’d better go.” I said softly as Tanaka came back into the room. He hesitated when he saw I was still on the phone, a question in his eyes. I gestured for him to come back in, and he did. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”   
  
“ _Okay. I love you, brat_.”   
  
I chuckled. “I love you too, Nanase.”   
  
I hung up with a small sigh and handed the phone back to Tanaka. “Thanks.”   
  
“Course.” He smiled. “You want a ride somewhere or you want to stay here? Because you’re welcome to.”   
  
I shook my head as I stood, bloodied shirt in hand. “I’d like a ride, if you don’t mind. I have some explaining to do tonight.”   
  
“I don’t mind at all.” He reached down and took the shirt from me. “Care if I throw this away?”   
  
I shook my head, mentally reminding myself to buy Jun a new shirt. “No, I was planning to throw it away.”  
  
I followed him out of the living room. He left me by the entry way to go into the kitchen, coming back empty handed. “Ready?”   
  
I nodded. “Yeah.”   
  
I followed him out of the apartment and then down the stairs. His car was parked right out front. He walked around and opened my door for me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I slid into his car easily and he shut the door behind me. I buckled my seatbelt as he walked around and slid into the seat beside me.   
  
“What’s the address?” He glanced at me as he started the car.   
  
I told him, and he punched it into his GPS. He slid his car out of park and smoothly pulled onto the street.   
  
I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. It had been a long fucking day.   
  
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep but evidently, I did. Tanaka shook my shoulder gently and I blinked at him wearily.   
  
“I think we’re here.” He said, looking out my window at the apartment building.   
  
I followed his gaze to the now familiar building that was Jun’s home. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”   
  
“Don’t be.” I looked back at him to see him smiling. “You’ve had a rough day.”   
  
I chuckled. “Yeah, it’s been a really long day.”   
  
“You’ll be okay?” He asked, concern evident in his voice.   
  
I nodded. “I’ll be fine. Thank you, Tanaka.”   
  
“Anytime, Ritsu.”   
  
I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned over to hug him. I kissed him on the cheek as I pulled away. “Seriously, thank you.”   
  
“You don’t need to thank me.” He chuckled and then reached into his console. He pulled out a business card and pen, then wrote something down on it. “Here’s my card. I wrote my cell number on the back. You can call either of those numbers, night or day, and I’ll be at one of them.”   
  
I blew out a breath as I took it. “Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” He smile slid into a smirk. “Now, go get ‘em.”   
  
“Okay.” I smiled and opened the car door, sliding out to stand beside it. I looked back down at him. “I’ll get this shirt back to you.”   
  
He just shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.” His expression softened.  “Good luck, Ritsu.”   
  
“Thanks, Tanaka. I’ll see you around?”   
  
“You better believe it.”   
  
I smiled and stepped back, closing the door behind me. I hopped up onto the sidewalk and toward the apartment complex’s door. I half-turned and waved at him, and he waved back. I entered the apartment complex and headed to the elevator. I would never be able to repay what Tanaka had done for me tonight.   
  
I rode the elevator up to Jun’s floor, worrying my lip. I felt nervous, but I probably had no real reason to be. I also felt guilty for leaving him at that hospital. I should never have gone to begin with.   
  
I stepped off the elevator and walked down the hall to Jun’s apartment. I stopped in front of the door, and with a deep breath to steady myself, I knocked.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, dun. 
> 
> Jun, Jun, Jun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had a dollar for every time I was interrupted while trying to write this chapter, I'd be rich. Ish.
> 
> This chapter contains a certain blue-eyed brat. (just for you, foggie. (kind of?)) 
> 
> I apologize for how long it took to update x.x 
> 
> But I hope you enjoy this chapter.

  
It took all of thirty seconds for the door to swing open. Jun’s blonde hair was tousled, like he’d been running his hand through it. His concerned blue eyes met mine and he let out the breath he’d been holding. “Rit-“  
  
He stopped when I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry.”   
  
The door swung shut behind us a second before his arms wrapped around my waist. His voice shuddered as he spoke. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I’m okay.” I breathed out against his shoulders. I breathed in his scent, and it helped calm me. “I’m sorry I left.”   
  
“It’s okay, I wasn’t mad or anything.” His arms tightened around me for a second before he pulled me to arms length. “I was just worried. And from the looks of you, I had good reason to be.”  
  
His eyes narrowed in on my bandages, and when they moved to meet mine, there was a question in his eyes. “What happened?”  
  
I blew out a soft sigh. “I don’t even know where to start.”   
  
“The beginning is usually a good place.” He gave me a soft smile, but it didn’t deter the concern dancing in his eyes. It felt weird, looking into them while they lacked their usual amusement.   
  
I nodded slowly, glancing over to the couch in the living room. “Can we sit first? I’m exhausted.”   
  
He nodded and took a step back, dropping his hands only to grab my hand and pull me over to the couch. He sat down and then pulled me down onto his lap, to my surprise. I shouldn’t be surprised, he was one of the most touchy-feely people I know. Not that I minded.   
  
I land in his lap with ease, one of his arms winding around my waist to steady me, his other hand falling to my knee.  I rested my left arm on the back of the couch and shifted slightly so it was easier to look at his face. His bright blue eyes looked up at me expectantly.   
  
I took a deep breath before I started. “I’m going to start with my dad, okay?”   
  
“Okay.” He gave a nod.   
  
“Literally as soon as he saw me, he turned bitter and angry. He was appalled that I had come to see him, because evidently he didn’t make it clear he didn’t ever want to see me again.” I snorted. “It’s crystal fucking clear now.”  
  
He gave my knee an encouraging squeeze. “Go on.”   
  
“He insulted me, and basically told me I was a disgrace. He said it like I had ruined _his_ life.” I shook my head. The word disgusting rang inside my head again as if the words had only just left his mouth.   
  
Jun’s lips turned down and he averted his gaze, focusing on the black TV screen.    
  
“I tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t stop…” I stopped to swallow back the emotions that wanted nothing more than to leak out of me. “He just… I get that he’s homophobic but how can anyone say that to their own kid? What kind of parent turns their own kid away simply because they happen to like men?”   
  
Jun shook his head. There was anger in his voice when he spoke. “A shitty fucking person, Ritsu.”  
  
I just nodded before I continued. “He made me feel like I was the problem, like _I_ was in the wrong. Like-“   
  
“You’re not.” He cut me off. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.”   
  
I gave a small smile. “Thanks.”   
  
He nodded and I continued.   
  
“So, I just sort of panicked and all I could think about was getting out of there. Which is exactly what I did when he kicked me out.” I smiled despite myself. “I don’t handle conflict very well. Anyways, when I actually stopped and started thinking again I wasn’t sure where I was. I was downtown somewhere,” I shrugged. “But not somewhere I’ve been.”   
  
I paused, bile suddenly rising up in my throat as I thought about how to explain what happened next. How was I suppose to convey what I had felt in that moment?   
  
“Ritsu?” Jun said when I didn’t say anything for a moment. He dipped his head down to try and get a better look at my face, which my bangs hid. “You’re shaking…”  
  
I lifted a hand to cover my eyes, and it was indeed shaking. “…Sorry.”   
  
He gently pulled my hand away from my face and intertwined our fingers. “It’s okay. Tell me what happened.”   
  
I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Remember that guy I told you about that is after me?”   
  
I felt him tense under me, and I didn’t have to look at his face to know that he understood. “He attacked you.”   
  
It was a statement, not a question. I nodded and bit my lip. He shuddered under me, and his hand left my back a second before I felt in on the back of my neck, pulling my head down to his shoulder. I sighed and closed my eyes as his fingers drifted through my hair.   
  
“Jesus Christ.” He muttered. “ _Jesus_ fucking…”   
  
He didn’t continue. He was silent for a few moments, no doubt trying to wrap his head around this information. As I relaxed against him I was hit with how tired I was.   
  
“But you got away?” He said, his voice not betraying any of the emotions he was feeling. “Well, obviously or you wouldn’t be here. How did you get away?”   
  
I gave a slight shake of my head against his shoulder. “Someone saved me, chased him off. Someone I know, actually. But that’s a whole other story.”   
  
He nodded, taking the hint that I didn’t care to talk about that right now. He sighed, his chest falling with the exhale.  “I don’t even know what to say, other than I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry, Ritsu.”  
  
I sighed, and tried to keep my voice from quivering as I spoke. “He kept saying that it was my fault, that I shouldn’t have acted like I was better than him. He kept referring to whores in general, but none of it made sense.”   
  
“He’s a sick son of a bitch, Ritsu.” He practically growled, his anger rising. “People like that use pitiful excuses for themselves, to justify the fact that they are fucking with people’s lives.”   
  
I just nodded, and sat up to look at him. His eyes were like a whirlpool of emotions, battling for dominance. Anger seemed to be winning, not that I could blame him. I was angry too underneath all the other crushing emotions.   
  
I leaned in to kiss him softly, tilting my head to the side so that our noses wouldn’t collide. He kissed me back automatically, his hand falling to my elbow to steady me. I could practically feel the anger drain out of him, as his concern for me outweighed his anger.   
  
This man liked me a lot. I didn’t know exactly how much, but it was a lot. That much was clear to me. If it wasn’t obvious in the remarks he made, his flirtatious manner, his not-so-subtle hints, and the way he treated me, it was obvious in the way he looked at me.   
  
No one had ever looked at me the way he looked at me.   
  
I sighed softly into the kiss. It wasn’t rushed or demanding, but lazy, soft, and easy.   
  
I pulled back after a moment and met his eyes.  
  
“Are you okay?” He asked softly. I didn’t like the way his voice wavered.   
  
“I think so.” I tried to smile reassuringly. “I will be.”   
  
His gaze moved up, and he lifted his hand to the bandage on my forehead, tracing it’s edges softly. “Does it hurt?”   
  
“Not really. I took pain killers, earlier.” I said with a shake of my head. There was a faint throb in my head, but it wasn’t bad.   
  
He nodded, and I think he looked a little relieved. “Do you want anything?”   
  
“I want to sleep.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Can I crash here?”   
  
He gave me a slight disbelieving look. “Like I would let you leave.”   
  
I smiled. “Thanks.”   
  
Instead of answering he just wound an arm around my back and one under my knees, before standing easily with me. He walked to his bedroom and set me lightly on the bed. He walked around to the other side as I slid under the covers to lay on my side. He slid under the covers, and slid over toward me. He rested his face on the pillow next to mine, and we simply stared at each other for a moment.   
  
He swallowed and dropped his gaze. “He didn’t…you know…”   
  
I knew what he was implying. “No, he didn’t. He tried, but he didn’t get far.”   
  
His eyes shot back up to mine, and it was possibly the most relieved I’ve ever seen him look. “You promise?”  
  
I nodded. “I promise.”   
  
He sighed in relief as he reached for me, drawing me toward him. I lifted my head to rest on his arm as I settled against his chest.   
  
I felt better.   
  
I felt safe.   
  
\-   
  
I woke with a start. I didn’t know where I was. Someone’s arms were wrapped around me, and normally that was comforting, but at this particular moment I only felt trapped.   
  
I pressed my hands against their chest and pushed, hard. As I slid away from him roughly, I recognized him as Jun, and while that was relieving, it didn’t help the panic that continued to blossom in my chest. Jun’s eyes snapped open as he was roughly shoved, waking him with a start.   
  
But I was already untangling myself from the blankets and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I was going to be sick, and I’d rather not puke here.   
  
I heard Jun call after me groggily, and the blankets rustle some more, as I ran to the bathroom. I barely got the toilet seat lifted before I vomited, sinking to my knees.   
  
With the nightmare plaguing me, I emptied the contents of my stomach, which wasn’t much. All I had had to eat yesterday was what I'd picked at at the hospital and  the soup Tanaka made.   
  
I couldn’t help flinching when Jun appeared in the bathroom doorway. He stood there for a second as I began dry heaving over the toilet bowl, before he walked over to me slowly and sank to his knees. His hand landed softly on my back and began rubbing small, soothing circles as I tried to collect myself.  
  
“Nightmare?” He asked softly, reaching up with his other hand to flush the toilet.   
  
I just nodded, not trusting my voice to be steady. I just tried to keep my focus on Jun, instead of the way Zelch’s hands felt on me, and the sickening fear.   
  
I shuddered and turned my head to meet Jun’s eyes, that were full of concern. He almost looked like he was in pain.   
  
“You okay?” He continued rubbing circles on my back as he reached with his other hand to wipe my sweat-dampened hair off my forehead.   
  
“Yeah…” I muttered, leaning into his touch. “Sorry.”  
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He murmured. He stood for a moment, his hand leaving my back, and turned to the sink to his left. He filled a cup with water and handed it to me. I rinsed my mouth out and spit into the toilet, and when he handed me a second cup of mouth wash, I repeated the action. I handed them back and he set them down.   
  
I stood up before he could sit back down. “Let’s go back to bed.”   
  
He nodded as I grabbed his hand and pulled him along, dropping it at the foot of the bed and before I crawled back onto it. The blankets were a tangled mess, and while Jun took a moment to straighten them out, I pulled my damp shirt over my head. I didn’t feel like showering, but I certainly didn’t feel like laying around in my sweat-dampened clothes. I peeled my, or Jun’s, sweats off and tossed them aside as well, before laying down on my side.   
  
The bed dipped next to me and Jun settled on his side facing me, tired and uneasy eyes focused on my face.   
  
I sighed as I reached for him, and pulled myself closer to him. He opened his arms and turned to lie on his back. He pulled me closer, until I was able to rest my head on his chest. I listened to the sound of his heart beat, each steady beat calming me.   
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” The rumble in his chest was deep as the words left his mouth softly. One of his hands moved to drift through my hair, and I closed my eyes with a hum of appreciation.   
  
“No.” I draped one of my arms over his stomach. “But thank you.”   
  
“Okay.”   
  
“Do you have to work tomorrow?” I asked softly.   
  
“I’ll call in sick.”   
  
I tilted my head back to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to.”   
  
His lips pulled up in a soft smile, as his warm fingers brushed my bangs off my forehead. “I know.”   
  
I laid my head back down on his chest to hide the smile that pulled at my lips. “Thank you.”   
  
“Anything for you.”   
  
The words made my heart stutter in my chest because, somehow, I knew that this man really would do almost anything for me.  
  
I fell asleep easily, his steady heart beat caring me into a dreamless sleep. The last thing I remember was a steady sigh slipping from his lips, his chest rising and falling in even patterns.   
  
\-   
  
When I woke up the next morning, there was throbbing in my head but it wasn’t terrible. And for the first time since I’d known him, Jun was still asleep. He looked nearly adorable sleeping, his face smoothed out in contentment. He looked younger when he slept. He looked more innocent. It was those blue eyes and that smirk that made him mischievous and so _not_ innocent.   
  
I didn’t linger in bed long, lest he wake up and catch me staring at him like a fucking creep. I crept out of bed quietly, and stole a few of Jun’s clothes out of his dresser before I went into his bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me.   
  
I turned the shower on before I stripped myself of the only article of clothing I was still wearing, my underwear. I adjusted the water to my liking before I slipped in, closing the navy blue shower curtain behind me.   
  
The hot water felt amazing as it slid down my skin. I tried not to think too much as I soaped up my hair, but as always, I wasn’t capable of it.   
  
Luckily, it was Jun my thought drifted to.   
  
I really did like him, but I was afraid. I was afraid he would think I was trying to use him to get over Masashi. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get over him in the end, and end up hurting Jun. I didn’t want that.  
  
But I didn’t want to have an undefined relationship with him, either. Jun and I were more than friends, there was no doubt. I knew he liked me, quite a bit. He had made that much clear.   
  
If we kept up this, whatever this more-than-friendship-but-less-than-lovers was, I’d definitely end up hurting him. I’d be doing the same thing Masashi did to me.   
  
So that left two choices in the end. Leave him for good, or ask him out.   
  
I couldn’t simply remain friends with him, no, he liked me too much at this point for that to be anything but painful.   
  
I know, I’ve been there.   
  
There was absolutely no part of me that wanted to leave him behind, to simply be a thing of the past. But I was afraid of the other alternative too. It was probably irrational, being afraid of something that could potentially be great. But my biggest fear wasn’t losing him, it was hurting him the way others had hurt me.   
  
I turned the shower off and slid the shower curtain back to grab the towel. I dried my body and stepped out of the shower onto the black rug, pulling the curtain shut again behind me. Once my body was dry enough, I then went to drying my hair with the towel. Once I had accomplished that, I slipped into a pair of underwear that wasn’t mine, followed by a too-large t-shirt that went past my waist. I blinked down at the floor and it’s lack of other clothes; I had forgotten to grab pants. Whatever.   
  
After hanging the towel back up and grabbing up the dirty underwear, I left the bathroom quietly. Jun was rolled onto his other side, his back to me. I tossed the article of clothing lightly into the hamper before I left the room, slipping out quietly.   
  
I set to making coffee, because let’s be real, that’s the most important part of the morning.   
  
After I had successfully done that, and the coffee was brewing, I started pulling breakfast items out of the fridge. I pulled out a carton of eggs, package of bacon and then some ham. I pulled pans out and got to work, the bacon in one pan and the eggs in the other. I sliced up some of the ham and threw them in with the eggs.   
  
My thoughts drifted as I cooked. I thought of Masashi, despite not wanting to. I suppose there were worse places for my mind to be, though. My mind felt numb on the case of Zelch, and I planned to take advantage of that for as long as it lasted. Right now, last night didn’t feel entirely real. I know when it truly hits me, it won’t be pretty.   
  
Part of me wanted to call Masashi and tell him what had happened last night, because I had said I would tell him if anything happened.   
  
But the other part of me didn’t want to. I still needed more time, and I knew if I made contact now he would try to be in my life again. Especially if I told him about last night. I needed more time to myself, to bury these feelings that wouldn’t die.   
  
Did he even have a right to know?  
  
Before I could dwell on that for long and answer my own question, a deep throaty voice rang out behind me.   
  
“God _damn_.”   
  
I jumped, startled, and turned to look at him. He stood in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the door-jam. Shirtless. His blue eyes were tired, but dancing with amusement as always. His blonde hair was tousled with bedhead. “What?”   
  
His eyes raked down my body before he met my eyes again, a devilish smirk pulling at those lips. “You.”   
  
I realized, quite suddenly, that I was in fact, not wearing pants. I winked at him before turning back to the food, and stirred the eggs. “I borrowed your clothes again, I hope you don’t mind.” I said, although I had a feeling he _really_ didn’t mind.  
  
I heard him chuckle and couldn’t help but smile.  “I think you look better in my clothes than I do.”   
  
“I don’t know about that.” I turned to look at him. “You hungry?”   
  
His eyes raked down my body again, and he quirked an eyebrow. “Famished.”   
  
I chuckled softly, trying my damn hardest not to check him out. His chiseled abs just weren’t fair. “That’s so not what I meant.”   
  
He shrugged off the door-jam and walked over to me. He set his hands on my hips and I tried to pretend that it didn’t make my heart race, him being this close. He leaned down, until his lips were a breath away from my ear. “It’s not?”   
  
I shivered as his breath tickled my skin and set my hands on his waist, just above the sweats that hung low on his hips. “It’s not.”   
  
I felt his lips press against my neck. “Are you sure?”   
  
“No.” I sighed and tried to pretend that he wasn’t affecting me as much as he really was.   
  
He chuckled against my skin, before he pulled back and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. Then, he reached behind me and turned the stove off. “The eggs are done.”   
  
He moved away and began taking plates out of the cabinet across from me. I stared at his back, slightly dumbfounded. “You’re… the biggest tease I’ve ever met in my life.”   
  
He laughed and winked once he turned back around. “You know it.”   
  
I shook my head at him and moved aside as he started dishing the eggs and ham up. “I told you that that’s not good for my heart.” I said and reached over to turn the burner for the bacon off.   
  
He snorted and began putting the bacon on the plates as well. “I think you’ll live.”   
  
I rolled my eyes and took the plate he handed me. We moved into the living room and sat down on the couch. He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned the TV on. He found something for us to watch while we ate. We ate in silence for a while, and my thoughts began drifting again. The TV didn’t hold my attention. What did I want from Jun?   
  
There was no doubt I wanted him. But did I just want him in a sexual way?  
  
No, that wasn’t it. I was done with the sex-only types of relationships. I wanted someone to do things with, not just laze around and fuck. I wanted to do couple things. I wanted a… boyfriend. The word sounded weird in my head, and I realized that I had never actually had one. I’ve dated some girls, but I’ve never actually dated a guy. Just fucked a lot of them.   
  
I liked Jun. So why was I so nervous about bringing it up?  
  
“Ritsu.”   
  
I turned to look at him to find him staring at me. “What?”   
  
“What’s bothering you?” He asked, his voice soft.   
  
Did I deserve someone like him?  
  
“What makes you think anything is bothering me?” I asked softly. It was easy to tell by the sound of my voice that he was right.   
  
He chuckled and reached over to ruffle my hair. “You’re fidgeting.”  
  
I was?   
  
I was.  
  
“Um…” I looked down at my hands in my lap. “Can we talk?”   
  
Why was I so goddamn nervous? This is ridiculous. How many guys have I fucked? I wasn’t this nervous for ninety-nine percent of those fucks.   
  
But you put a gorgeous blue-eyed guy that is sweet dipped in sarcasm in front of me and I’m a fucking wreck.   
  
He leaned forward, swiped up the remote and turned the TV off. “Of course.” His voice was steady but his eyes betrayed his feelings. He probably thought I wanted to end whatever this is.   
  
I took a deep breath and turned to face him on the couch, drawing one knee up under me. “Well, okay… um.. I’m not entirely sure how to say this…”   
  
His face visibly fell, but he tried to hide it. He definitely thought I was ending things.   
  
“I really like you, Jun.” I swallowed and forced myself to meet his eyes.   
  
I actually said it.   
  
He looked slightly surprised. “There’s a but in there somewhere, isn’t there?”  
  
I nodded. “But, I’m afraid. I don’t want you to think I’m just using you to get over Masashi. I’m trying to get over him, I’m just not there yet. But I really do like you.”  
  
“I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t do that, Ritsu.” He said softly, and he smiled. “I like you a lot, too. But I think you already knew that.”   
  
“Yeah…” I bit my lip as I looked down. “You made that pretty clear.”   
  
“I would have asked you out a while back if you weren’t in love with someone else.” He gave a half-shrug. “So, I decided to wait until you were ready. Ritsu,” He scooted toward me on the couch and reached out to push my bangs out of my eyes. “I don’t care how long it takes.”   
  
I swallowed roughly and looked away. I took a breath that didn’t steady my emotions nearly enough, and before I knew it, unshed tears started building up and spilling over. I dropped my head into my hands and shook my head.   
  
Why did he care so much?  
  
I heard Jun say my name softly.   
  
“I don’t deserve you.” I muttered my true fears.   
  
How could someone like me deserve someone like him?  
  
“Why not?” He asked softly, and I felt the couch dip as he moved closer.   
  
“Because I’m fucked up!” I said through the lump in my throat. My shoulders shook and I cursed every tear that fell.   
  
“How?” His hand pulled at my own, until I let him take it and intertwine our fingers. He let me continue to hide my face for the time being. “How are you fucked up?”  
  
“I just am,” I muttered. “Only a fucked up person would sleep with his best friend despite him having a girlfriend.”  
  
Jun’s free hand tugged at my chin until I looked up. He wiped a tear away as it fell. He looked determined. “That doesn’t make you fucked up. It makes you human. You’re not perfect, Ritsu. I’m not perfect. No one is. You’re in love with him and he took advantage of that.”   
  
“It takes two people to fuck.”   
  
“Yes,” He smiled but it was somehow sad. “But it only takes one to love. He took advantage of your feelings.”   
  
He was right, of course, to some extent. It was the same thing Nanase had said many times over. He took advantage of me. Of my feelings. He pity fucked me and then continued to do so. But I took advantage of him, too.   
  
I sighed and leaned forward until my forehead met his shoulder. When I spoke, my voice was barely a whisper. “Do you have any idea how many guys I’ve been with?”  
  
“No, but I don’t care.” His fingers started drifting through my hair, something I was beginning to recognize he did a lot. “It doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been with my fair share of men, too.”  
  
“I just don’t want to hurt you if things don’t work out.” I muttered, unconsciously tightening my fingers around his.   
  
“Isn’t that my risk to take?” He asked with a small chuckle. Tanaka had said something similar.   
  
Was I overthinking all of this? Probably.   
  
“Probably.”   
  
“Then let me take it. Wouldn’t you rather jump in than regret never having tested the waters?”  
  
He had a point there. I pulled back to meet his gaze. There was hope in them. “Are you asking me out?”   
  
He smiled, but it was nervous. He was probably as nervous now as I had been earlier. “Yeah, I am. Will you go out with me, Ritsu?”   
  
I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. “Yes.”   
  
The smile that spread over his lips was blinding.   
  
I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what kind of shit I’ll eventually get myself into, but right now, I felt content. I had managed to push Zelch out of my mind for the time being. I don’t know what was going to happen and what I was going to do about him but I didn’t feel like I was alone in this. I had people that cared about me, and that was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu's... Ritsu's first boyfriend. *sniffles* My baby is all growed up now.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 11:11, make a wish.

  
I spent the majority of the rest of the day hanging out with Jun at his apartment. Neither of us wanted to go anywhere. He called in sick and I blew school off. I didn’t have anything important going on anyway. I did have to go back tomorrow for a test I couldn’t miss. But for today, I could stay in this peaceful bubble.   
  
“You want to order some takeout?” Jun asked without looking away from the TV. “I don’t feel like cooking.”  
  
“Sure, that’s fine with me.” I mumbled. I was lying down on the couch, my head on a pillow in Jun’s lap. I was still wearing his oversized sweater.   
  
“What do you feel like eating?” His fingers wove through my hair in small patterns, and I’m not sure who it was more soothing for.   
  
“Chinese.”   
  
“Sounds good to me. Will you hand me my phone?”   
  
I nodded and leaned forward to snatch the device off the coffee table, before handing it to him.   
  
“Anything in particular you want?” He asked as he scrolled through his contacts for the Chinese place.   
  
“Not really.” I shrugged.   
  
He just nodded and pulled the phone up to his ear. I focused back on the TV as he ordered, his fingers never stilling in my hair. He gave them his credit card number before hanging up. “She said it should be here in half an hour.”   
  
“Do you really have your credit card number memorized?” I turned my head to look at him, a smirk pulling at my lips.   
  
He blinked at me and then nodded. “Yeah. Is that weird?”  
  
I shrugged. “I can’t even remember my mother’s phone number.”   
  
He chuckled and shook his head. “That’s because you’re an airhead.”   
  
“That’s probably true.” I smiled.   
  
“You know it is.”   
  
“It is.” I chuckled, turning my gaze back toward the TV. “This movie is weird.”   
  
“You should see the sequel.” He snorted. “Hand me the remote and I’ll change the channel.”   
  
I hummed my response and grabbed the remote off the coffee table. He took it and started flipping through channels again. My phone vibrated on the table so I snatched it up too. I opened it to see, unsurprisingly, that the text was from Nanase.   
  
(You still at Jun’s?)  
  
I was surprised she had waited this long to text me, patience wasn’t exactly her specialty. But she wasn’t unthoughtful by any means. Perhaps she thought time with Jun would help me with what happened, though she didn’t know what it was yet. Or perhaps she was trying to play matchmaker. Either way, I was grateful.   
  
The clock on my phone read 5:19. Jun and I had spent pretty much the whole day doing nothing. It was nice. I liked spending time with Jun. There was something so calming about his presence.   
  
I text her back, my thumbs moving lazing across the screen. (Yeah.)  
  
“Who’re you texting?” Jun asked lazily, absently flipping through channels. He didn’t seem to be having much luck.   
  
“Nanase.” I said as my phone buzzed again, signally a message.   
  
(You okay?)  
  
“She’s probably worried about you.” He said softly.   
  
“She is. I told her I’d talk to her today. I’m surprised she hasn’t broken the door down yet, honestly.” I chuckled softly.   
  
He nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You can invite her here.”  
  
“You don’t mind?” I turned to look at him, chewing on my lip.   
  
“Not at all.”  
  
I blew a soft sigh out. “Thanks.”  
  
(Yes and no. You want to come over?)   
  
“Of course.” He looked down and winked at me. “Anything for you, baby.”  
  
I stared at him for a moment and then looked away as heat flooded my cheeks.   
  
“Are you blushing?” He leaned forward to look at my face but I moved to hide my face in the pillow.  
  
“No.” I lied, my voice muffled by the pillow.   
  
“You totally are.” He laughed and pulled on my shoulder until I was forced to turn onto my back again. “Are you embarrassed because I called you baby?”  
  
I covered my eyes with my hand as I mumbled. “Maybe.”  
  
“Oh my god, you’re adorable.” He laughed and tugged at my hand until I looked at him. “I’m having a hard time believing no one has ever called you that before.”   
  
I think at this point, even my ears were red. His blue eyes danced with amusement. “They have just… not in this context.”   
  
“What context is that?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.   
  
“The boyfriend-y kind.”   
  
“The boyfriend-y kind?” He repeated, his brow furrowing slightly. I went to get up to avoid looking at him when I saw the realization cross his features. But he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down onto his lap. He met my eyes, a smirk dancing on his lips.  “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”   
  
“That depends on what you think I’m saying.” I said as I chewed on the inside of my cheek.   
  
“I’m your first boyfriend?” He asked, honestly surprised.   
  
“Yeah.” I smiled softly and reached up to pinch his cheek.  
  
“Ever?”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“Yes, Jun.” I laughed softly. “Seriously.”   
  
He kissed me suddenly. One of his hands cupped my cheek, and he caressed it softly as he kissed me slowly. He tilted his head to avoid our noses bumping, his tongue flicking out to dance across my bottom lip. I lifted my hand to tangle in his blond hair, and to pull him toward me. He hooked his other arm around my waist and I, taking the hint, broke away to sit up and swung my leg over his to straddle his lap. Our lips met again with fervor, his mouth opened under mine and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue past his lips. He met me halfway, his tongue dashing out to dance with mine. His hand smoothed up my back to rest between my shoulder blades.   
  
To say Jun was a good kisser would be an understatement, and I easily found myself caught up in him. I moved my hand to slip under the front of his shirt and ran my hand up his smooth muscled chest. He shivered under me, and I smirked.   
  
I didn’t feel so much as I heard my phone vibrate, and I had every intention of ignoring it until Jun jumped. He broke the kiss off with a sound that was somewhere between a yelp and a grunt.   
  
I pulled back confused and stared at him. I didn’t have to wait long for an explanation. He reached between us and produced my phone. I was still sorta confused so I raised a questioning eyebrow.   
  
“It vibrated on my dick.” He shrugged. “Surprised the hell out of me.”   
  
I couldn’t help myself, I started laughing.   
  
“Why is that so funny?” He asked but then he started laughing too.   
  
I shook my head, unable to give him an answer. I laughed until my stomach hurt and I thought I might cry. He laughed right along with me, his shoulders shaking with the force of his laughter.   
  
It might not have been as funny as we made it, but I couldn’t stop laughing. I dropped my head down to his shoulder and gripped at my stomach.   
  
“Are you done?” He asked when I finally managed to get my composure back, but his voice was colored with his own amusement.   
  
“I think so.” I snickered into my hand as I pulled back to look at him.   
  
He was smiling, his eyes alight with amusement. He reached up and brushed my hair off my face. “I love your laugh.”   
  
“Yeah?” I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I love your eyes.”  
  
“You have a thing for blue eyes?”   
  
“Maybe I do.” I smirked. “Or maybe I just have a thing for _your_ blue eyes.”   
  
He chuckled. “Yeah? I like hazel.”  
  
“Are you just saying that because my eyes are hazel?” I quirked an eyebrow.   
  
“Sort of.” He shrugged. “But it’s true. Hazel eyes are neat.”  
  
I just smiled. “Well, I’m glad you think so.”   
  
He held my phone up for me to take. “Want to see what this says?”  
  
I nodded and took it out of his hand. I opened it to see what Nanase had to say.   
  
(I’ll be there in fifteen.)   
  
I sighed. “She’s on her way.”   
  
He leaned up and left a trail of kisses along my jawline, stopping next to my ear. “We’ll have to continue this another time, then.”   
  
I shivered as his breath tickled my ear, and pulled back to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He just smiled as I climbed off his lap. “A shame.”  
  
“Indeed.” He said, his eyes moving down my body hungrily. “You should probably put some pants on.”  
  
I looked down at my bare legs. “Yeah, I should probably.”  
  
He slapped my ass as I walked around the couch and I chuckled as I walked to his bedroom. It reminded me of when he slapped my ass when I did that performance on the bar. Masashi had been so mad that night. I sighed and opened the drawer Jun kept his sweats in, silently willing away thoughts of Masashi.   
  
I slipped into a black pair of Jun’s sweats. I was aroused still, but I ignored it. I totally didn’t silently curse Nanase.   
  
It wasn’t long before Nanase knocked on the door. Jun answered it while I poured coffee into three mugs. I heard him greet her, and her greet him back. She appeared in the doorway to the kitchen first. She was wearing a long sleeved pretty blue blouse and dark blue jeans. She had a white scarf wrapped around her neck, over her long dark hair. The first thing she did was walk over and hug me, her arms wrapping around my neck.   
  
I smiled as I wrapped arms around her. “Nanase.”  
  
“Ritsu.” She breathed against my neck.  
  
“You smell really, really good.” I muttered into her hair.   
  
She laughed and pulled away, her arms falling back to her side. “Thanks.”   
  
“What kind of shampoo do you use?” I asked, a smile playing on my lips. “Because it smells amazing. And your hair is so soft.”  
  
She laughed again and shook her head. “That sounds like one of the first things you ever said to me.”   
  
“You were using a different kind of shampoo then, though. This is better.”   
  
“You are _so_ gay, Ritsu.” She rolled her eyes.   
  
I just smiled and handed her a mug and creamer. She took them and poured some creamer into the coffee. I watched the liquid turn from black to tan as I sipped at my own coffee. She shifted to lean against the counter. I looked over her shoulder to see Jun leaning against the wall in the entryway. He had a bag of Chinese takeout in his hand. They must have just delivered it. He shrugged off the wall when he noticed my gaze and walked over to us. He reached between us to grab his mug, pressing a kiss to my temple as he did. I didn’t miss Nanase raise an eyebrow at us.   
  
He stepped back with his mug. “I’m going to step out for a bit.”  
  
Nanase gaze shifted between us.   
  
“You don’t have to.” I said softly, looking up to meet his eyes.   
  
He just smiled. “I need to pick some stuff up from the office, anyways.”   
  
“Okay.” I nodded.   
  
“I’ll be back soon.” He ruffled my hair before he turned away.  
  
“See you.” Nanase said over her shoulder.  
  
“Later, Nanase.” He said and grabbed his keys off the counter, set the bag of food down on the same counter, then rounded the corner. It didn’t take long before we heard the door open and then close again.   
  
“You guys are cozy.” Nanase’s eyes were on me, and I knew there was a question in them before I even met them. “Are you… Together?”  
  
I nodded and was unable to suppress a smile. “We are.”   
  
“Yes!” She made a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a squeal, and her arms were suddenly around me again. “It’s about damn time. When and how did the question finally pop?”  
  
I rolled my eyes as she pulled away, her face split in a large smile. “This morning. And how? I told him I liked him and then he asked me out.”  
  
“You told him you liked him first?” She tilted her head and pursed her lips.   
  
“That surprises you?”   
  
“Sort of.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t sure you would do anything without a push from him. And neither Sil or I thought he’d give you that push while you’re still hung up on… you know who.”   
  
“Yeah…” I sighed. “But I know he likes me and I didn’t want to lead him on. And I do like him.”   
  
“I know you do.” She smiled and reached over to tug on a strand of my hair. “You deserve to be happy, Ritsu.”  
  
I just gave a small smile and sipped from my mug. I did want to be happy. I was tired of punishing myself for something I couldn’t control. You can’t force someone to love you. No matter how hard you try.   
  
When I looked back to her, her expression had changed. Concern etched her features. “Ritsu… What happened to your face?”  
  
I nodded with a sigh. “Let’s go sit down.”  
  
We moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. She pulled her scarf off and slung it over the back of the couch. I set my mug down on the coffee table, because my hands were becoming too unsteady to hold it. Just thinking about Zelch made my hands shake and stomach churn. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I had to tell her. Nanase deserved more than anybody to hear it from my mouth.  
  
“Last night…” I sighed and rubbed my hands down my face. “Okay… So yesterday afternoon, my father had a heart attack.”  
  
She nodded. “Jun told me that much.”  
  
“I figured.” I gave a nod. “Sasha called me so of course I went, I mean he’s my father, you know? Anyways, that didn’t go well. My mother said he felt guilty for everything he has said to me. But that wasn’t the case at all. He was angry and completely… unreasonable. He… rejected me. Again.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Ritsu.” She reached over and squeezed my hand.   
  
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m guessing Jun told you I left in a hurry?”  
  
She nodded again. “He did.”  
  
“I just…. couldn’t think straight. I needed to leave, so I did. It was stupid. It was really stupid.” I shook my head.   
  
“What happened, Ritsu?” She squeezed my hand again and I turned to meet her eyes.   
  
“I was jumped… Somewhere downtown.” I shuddered and looked away, but not before I saw her eyes widen. “By Zelch.”   
  
She tensed and a soft gasp left her lips.   
  
I continued before she could say anything. I told her the rest of it without going into too much detail. I told her about how Tanaka saved me and took me back to his apartment. When she asked who Tanaka was, I told her. She remembered the night I met him, I had talked to her on the phone just after. I’m sure she was curious about why I never told her, but she didn’t ask. In fact, she said very little until I was done. When I was done talking, I finally looked at her. My heart broke a little more at what I saw.   
  
She was crying.   
  
I reached over and wiped away a tear as it fell. I hated seeing her cry. “I’m okay, Nanase…”   
  
“You’re not.” She said shakily. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around my neck again. “You don’t have to pretend, Ritsu.”  
  
I wrapped my arms around her waist with a sigh. “I know… It just… doesn’t feel real yet.”  
  
She sighed and I felt her warm breath against my neck. “I know. I’m here for you, okay? I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Thank you…” I muttered into her hair.   
  
“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe people can be so cruel for no reason…” She tightened her arms around me and fell silent. I don’t think she knew what to say. Neither did I. I don’t think there was anyone that knew what to say in times like this. Except maybe Tanaka.   
  
But just knowing they were here for me was enough. I would be okay.   
  
We sat there for what seemed like a long time, but I don’t know how long it actually was. I knew there was more that she wanted to say, and this probably wouldn’t be the last time we talked about it, but she didn’t say anything else. I was sort of grateful. I didn’t want to dwell on it any longer than I had to.   
  
“Your hair smells really nice.” I said, a half hearted attempt to make her laugh.  
  
It worked. She pulled back with a small smile, her cheeks drying. “You are so gay.”  
  
I chuckled softly. “You know it, hun.”   
  
“I’m sorry about what happened…” She bit her lip. “But I’m happy that you have Jun now.”  
  
My lips pulled up in a faint smile. “He’s really great.”  
  
“I told you so.”  
  
“I know you did.” I reached over and ruffled her hair. “How’s Sil?”  
  
She glared at me as she righted her hair. But then she smiled. “She’s great. It must run in the family.”   
  
“It must.” I chuckled. “You guys are doing good?”   
  
“We are. I’ve been staying at her place a lot lately.” She smiled genuinely.   
  
“I’m glad.” I said. I was glad she had found someone that made her happy.   
  
“Well, I’m glad that we’re glad about who we’re with.” She said with a nod.   
  
I just smiled. “Pretty damn good for my first boyfriend, huh?”  
  
“Oh yeah, I forgot you’ve never actually dated any guys.” She waggled her eyebrows. “You did damn good, son.”   
  
I laughed and shoved her shoulder. “You’re so weird.”   
  
“I know.” She winked. “That’s what you love about me.”   
  
“It’s one of many.”   
  
“You’re a big sap, you know that?” She stood up and stretched her arms over her head. “I’m pretty sure that there’s Chinese food on the counter and I’m going to eat it.”   
  
“Better a sap than a thief.” I rolled my eyes and lifted my mug to my lips.   
  
“Eating my best friend’s boyfriend’s food is not thieving.” She turned to me and frowned. “Or is it my girlfriend’s brother’s food?”  
  
I pointed at her. “Could be either.”   
  
She pointed back. “Could be both.”   
  
I nodded and sipped on my coffee. “Wait, it _is_ both.”  
  
She walked into the kitchen and it wasn’t long before she reappeared with the bag and silverware.  She set it down on the coffee table and started rummaging around, pulling out small white containers. She opened each one up before setting them on the table. She sat down when she found what she wanted. Orange chicken.   
  
She took a bite and hummed her appreciation. “This is what life is about.”  
  
“Take out orange chicken?” I snorted. “No one can say you have expensive taste.”   
  
“Oh, I’d take expensive orange chicken too.”   
  
“Shameless.” I picked up the fried rice container and a spoon and dug in.   
  
“You really should see Sil’s art sometime.” She said randomly around a forkful of orange chicken.   
  
“I would like to.”  
  
“She’s really good. She wants to make a living off of it.” She smiled fondly.   
  
“That’s great.” I mumbled over my mouthful of rice. “You think she can?”  
  
“I know she can.” She snorted. “Even her old stuff is better than half the stuff they’re calling art now.”   
  
“You sound like a doting girlfriend.” I said, my lips curling into a smirk.   
  
She blushed and bit her lip. “I guess I am.”   
  
I stared at her for a second. “You’re adorable, you know that?”  
  
“Shut up.” She mumbled and shoved my shoulder.  
  
“Can’t make me.”   
  
“I’ll shove my orange chicken down your throat.” She threatened.   
  
“That sounded strangely sexual.”   
  
“It wasn’t so shut your dick hole.”  
  
“You’re so mean.” I scoffed, feigning hurt.   
  
“It’s one of the things you love about me.” She winked, her eyes as full as mischief as ever.   
  
“One of many.” I rolled my eyes.  
  
At some point, she turned the TV on. We watched a CSI rerun because she said so. Nanase was bossy as always, but she was kind. I was lucky to have her as my friend. I hoped Sil realized how lucky she was, and kept ahold of her. Nanase had really taken a liking to her. Maybe she even loved her. The way she talked about Sil made me think she did. But I don’t think Nanase knew how she really felt, either. She liked her, for sure. She and I were in a similar situation. Minus the fact that she wasn’t hung up on anyone else.   
  
We were only about twenty minutes into the episode when Jun came back. I heard the door click open and close behind him before he appeared in the living room entryway.   
  
“Welcome back.” I smiled.   
  
“Thanks.” He smiled back. He took in the state of the coffee table and raised an eyebrow, which was directed at Nanase.   
  
She just shrugged. “You left it.”   
  
He laughed softly as he came over and plopped onto the couch beside me. “Fair enough.”  
  
I leaned into him and he put his arm around me.   
  
“I’m going to finish this episode and then I’m going to leave you two lovebirds.” She said with a smirk.   
  
“You mean to tell me you haven’t seen this episode at least twice?” I asked.   
  
“It’s a good episode.” She shrugged again.   
  
“If that’s what the queen wants.” I smiled at my own joke.   
  
She rolled her eyes. “That is what I want.”   
  
Jun gave a small huff of laughter at us. I leaned up and kissed his jaw to which he just smiled and ruffled my hair.   
  
These were two of my favorite people in the world. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter motherfucking thirty. I'm so excited I made it this far with this story :'D 
> 
> It's amazing how something you plan to only have two chapters turns into a whopping thirty chapters. Like how the fuck did this happen. xD Anyways, I estimate that there's about ten to fifteen chapters left. Give or take a few. 
> 
> Anywho, I hope you enjoy the chapter. ^^

  
I didn’t want to go to school and I totally wouldn’t have if there wasn’t a test I had to take. Finals were coming up. Besides, I had missed too many days of school as it was. And the last thing I could afford was to repeat a year. I wasn’t too worried about that being an issue though.   
  
Jun had insisted on driving me to school when I told him I had to go, though he hadn’t wanted me to. He had to go in to work today, but he had wanted me to stay at his apartment.   
  
“What are you doing up so early?” He had asked when he found me making coffee in the kitchen a little after six.   
  
“I have an eight o’ clock class and a test in the next one, so I have to go to my apartment first and get clothes.” I said with a shrug.   
  
“Your apartment isn’t _that_ far.” He yawned and leaned against the counter.   
  
I blink at him in confusion for a moment before I realized he meant that my apartment wasn’t far by driving standards. I had resigned myself to walking because I didn’t have a car, but now I realize the likelihood of him letting me walk anywhere was rather slim. If he planned on driving me I could’ve slept for almost another hour.   
  
He frowned when I didn’t respond and I could see the wheels turning in his head. “You don’t really think I’d let you walk, do you?”  
  
“I honestly hadn’t even thought about it.” The fact that he’d want to drive me hadn’t even crossed my mind until now.   
  
“I’m driving you.” He stated as he grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet next to him.   
  
“Okay.” I nodded and chewed on the inside of my cheek. I wasn’t surprised he was being protective of me, especially after what happened. He’d always been a little protective of me, but I think that’s just how he was. I didn’t mind it at all, in fact it was kind of nice.   
  
I snapped back to the present when Sion sat beside me, setting his notebooks down heavily on the table. “Hey.”   
  
I looked over at him and smiled. “Hey.”  
  
“How’s it goin?” He asked as he opened up his notebook. He looked over at me and then frowned. “What happened to your face?”  
  
“I fell and hit my head.” I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “But thanks for letting me know how good it looks. Anyways, I hear you finally asked Ran out.”  
  
He looked skeptical for a moment but then he couldn’t help but smile at the mention of his boyfriend. “I did…” He blushed and glanced at me. “I don’t know why I was freaking out so much.”   
  
I chuckled and clapped him on the back. “I’m happy for you man. Ran is great.”   
  
“Thank you.” He smirked. “Ran is a lot of fun, that’s for sure.”  
  
“That he is.”   
  
“Did you hear he’s going to go work for your ex-employer at his flower shop?” He asked, leaning he chin in his elbow. “Renji, was it?”  
  
I nodded. “Yeah, he told me that. He sounded pretty excited.”   
  
“He is. He starts in a few days.” He shook his head. “It’s nearly all he talks about.”  
  
I laughed softly. “It’s almost impossible not to tell when Ran is excited about something.”  
  
“That’s for sure.” He snorted laughter and shook his head.   
  
We didn’t get to say anything else as the professor called for attention to the front. The class passed quickly, and I left Sion to head to my next one. It was just down the hall and I walked there briskly, notebooks in hand. Masashi was standing outside the doorway talking to someone, smiling at whatever they were saying. We barely made eye contact before I looked away, not really in the mood to stop and talk to him. I walked past him and into the large room. I sat about halfway up, setting my books down next to me on the floor. I still had some time before the test so I opened my notes for this class and absently read over them. People started filing in and pretty soon everyone had taken a seat. I noticed Masashi sit down a few rows in front of me, but not because I was looking for him or anything. I just happened to notice.   
  
I sighed at myself and closed my notebook. The teacher - Mrs. Miyami -  had come in at some point and it looked like she was organizing papers. Probably the papers for the test. She closed the door, and then handed a stack to a student on each side, to take one and pass back. When it came to me I took from a guy I didn’t know but recognized, took one and passed it back to a girl named Ciara. She worked at the library on campus. Sion had crushed on her once. Sion had crushed on all the pretty girls on campus once. Which made it even funnier to know that he was with a guy now. I never saw that one coming, and I know he sure as hell never did either.   
  
I sat back down and picked up my pencil before writing my name down on the paper. I had forgotten to put my name down on a test paper once, and I failed the test. I never did that again.  
  
Mrs. Miyami gave us the okay to start so I did just that. We had an hour, which was more than enough time, but I found my mind wandering. I had to reread several questions before I actually got it. I tapped my pencil against the paper when I wasn’t using it, until Ciara quietly asked me to stop. I answered the last question as Mrs. Miyami stood up. “Times up.” She said, straightening her blouse. “Hand the paper down to the person in front of you.”  
  
So we did, and once they were all collected I left. I didn’t look at Masashi as I passed his row, and I silently applauded myself for that.  
  
Jun had wanted to come pick me up from school too, but I told him I would take the bus. He’d have to take use his lunch hour to come get me and that was unnecessary. The bus stop wasn’t far from campus and I knew some of these students rode it so if I left now I could just walk with them to the bus stop. I walked down the hallways until I reached the front entrance. I wasn’t going to use the side door as long as Zelch was still around.   
  
Zelch.   
  
My hand froze on the door I had pushed halfway open. I shuddered and pulled my hand from the door, letting it swing back shut in front of me. I stared through the glass to the front gates. He _could_ be out there. He’d been out there before.   
  
I took a few steps back and ran into someone. I felt their hands press into my back to stop me from taking another step back. I felt illogically trapped in that moment, despite how innocent the gesture was. I barely suppressed a yelp and spun around, meeting her surprised eyes. I didn’t know her.   
  
“S-Sorry.” I choked out and moved to step around her.   
  
She caught my elbow, simple concern pulling her eyebrows into a frown. “Are you okay?”  
  
I nodded quickly before she took this any further. “I’m fine, sorry.”  
  
She probably didn’t believe me but she didn’t pursue it any further when I pulled out of her grasp and headed back the way I’d come. There were too many people crowding the entryway and my heart was beating faster every second I stayed around them. I felt claustrophobic. Trapped. I was going to lose it.   
  
His voice was replaying in my head like the words had only just left his mouth. I could practically _feel_ his breath tickle my ear, hot and repulsive.   
  
“ _You take us for granted._ ”   
  
I slammed open the nearest bathroom door, and to my brief relief, it was empty. I quickly walked into one of the stalls, dropping the notebooks I had in my hand, and bent over the toilets just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. I dropped to my knees, my hands going to the sides of the bowl. I held onto it as I dry heaved.   
  
“ _Whore_.”   
  
I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to block it all out, but it made it worse. I could see the dark alley, I could feel the panic and fear and disgust I’d felt all in that moment, in that dark alley where I’d thought it would all end.   
  
“ _I’ll kill you_.”  
  
I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the porcelain bowl in front of me, on the handle, on anything that would help get rid of the fucking images in my head.   
  
“-okay?” A hand tapped my shoulder.   
  
I jerked violently to the side until my back hit the cool concrete wall beside me. My first thought was that it was him, that it was Zelch, and that he had found me on campus. But when I looked up with panicked eyes, I found myself meeting Sion’s concerned gaze.   
  
“Ritsu,” He said softly, kneeling down in front of me. “Are you okay?”  
  
I guess it was too much to ask for no one to come in here. But I was sort of relieved that it was Sion and not some stranger. I just shook my head and brought my knees to my chest as I tried, and failed, to slow my breathing. My heart felt like it was going to beat of out of my chest and even though I knew I wasn’t in any immediate danger, it didn’t help the panic that fogged over my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking that he could be out there somewhere, waiting for the right opportunity. He’d already said that this wasn’t over. How long until his hands were on me again?  
  
“What can I do?” Sion asked, shifting toward me on the balls of his feet.   
  
I just shook my head again. What could he do? What could _I_ do? I was fucked. I had put myself in this situation and I was so fucked. And I didn’t know how to un-fuck myself. I didn’t know if I _could_ un-fuck myself.   
  
“Do you want me to call someone?” He bit his lip in concern and reached out like he was going to touch me and then thought better of it.   
  
I didn’t think about it, I just reached out and took his hand and held onto it. I shook my head again. “No… Just stay with me for a minute?” I asked breathlessly.   
  
He nodded and squeezed my hand. “Okay.”   
  
I just sat there and focused on my breathing. In one, out one.   
  
In two, out two.   
  
Neither of us heard the door open but Sion must have heard footsteps or something because he stiffened a second before I heard his voice.   
  
“Ritsu?” He said, plain confusion lacing his voice. “Sion?”  
  
I knew that voice anywhere.   
  
I looked up and met Masashi’s dark eyes. I looked away quickly before he could see what was probably very evident in my own eyes, and met Sion’s gaze. There was a question in them.   
  
“What’s going on?” Masashi took another step into the bathroom stall.   
  
“Get him out of here.” I hissed under my breath so that only Sion could hear me. I didn’t want to deal with him right now.   
  
The look in his eyes told me he understood, and he gave a curt nod before he stood up. He turned toward Masashi and waled toward him. “Come on.” He gestured toward the door in an evident invitation to leave.   
  
“Is he okay?” Masashi ignored Sion and tried to step around him.   
  
Sion put his hand in the center of Masashi’s chest to stop him. “I think you should leave.”   
  
Masashi looked down at his hand, a flash of anger crossing his features. “I’m not leaving until I know that he’s,” He pointed at me. “Okay.”   
  
“He doesn’t want you here.” Sion bit off, his own anger rising.   
  
I had to remind myself to breath slowly.  
  
“For the sake of our friendship, Sion,” Masashi growled low, leaning toward him. “I suggest you take your hand off me.”   
  
In two, out two.   
  
Sion’s eyes narrowed but he stood his ground. “Even so.”   
  
I grabbed ahold of the railing next to my head and pulled myself to my feet. I knew Masashi was too stubborn to just leave. I shoved my hand down on the toilet handle before I turned back toward the two angry men. Sion still had his hand on Masashi’s chest, but they were both looking at me now.   
  
I sighed. I was so tired of conflict. “It’s fine, Sion.”   
  
He only hesitated for a second before he stepped back and dropped his hand. “I’ll make sure no one else comes in.”   
  
I watched him disappear around the corner and faintly heard the door open and close behind him. I shifted my gaze back to the dark haired man in front of me. How long had it been since we’d talked?  
  
Masashi huffed slightly, shifting toward me. “What, is he your personal body guard now?”   
  
I narrowed my eyes. “Whether that’s your idea of a bitter joke or simply your anger talking, I’m not in the mood.”  
  
His expression sobered. He looked somewhere between guilty and worried. “I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to know if you’re okay…” He shifted on his feet.   
  
“I’m fine.” I held my hands up. “I ate something that must’ve been bad for breakfast.”  
  
He shook his head. “You’re lying. I know you better than that, Ritsu.”  
  
I sighed and rubbed my forehead with my palm. “I’m not ready to talk to you.”  
  
I just wanted to go home.   
  
“When…” He ran a hand through his hair. “How long do you need?”  
  
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. It’s not like there was an expiration date on my feelings that would tell me when I could look at him without my heart clenching.   
  
“I miss you.” He said softly and took a step toward me.   
  
“Don’t…” I looked down at the floor. “Please don’t say things like that to me.”   
  
“I’m sorry, I just…” He shifted on his feet again. “My life just doesn’t feel right without you in it.”   
  
You should’ve chosen then… One or the other, instead of leading us both along. You shouldn’t have given me so much hope.   
  
That’s what I wanted to say, but I didn’t.   
  
“I just… can’t yet.” I shook my head.   
  
“Okay. I’ll respect that…” He reached out like he was going to touch me but then dropped his hand back down to his side. He turned and started out of the stall, only pausing to look back at me. “I’ll see you around, Ritsu.”   
  
I didn’t respond. It was only a moment later than I heard the door open and close again. I bent down and picked up my books, tucking them under my arm as I stood back up. I left the bathroom stall and walked over to the sink. I set my books down and caught myself in the mirror. I looked pale. I turned the sink on and cupped warm water in my hands before splashing it on my face. I then watched as the water droplets rolled down my face and fell from my chin. I looked tired.   
  
Sion came back in then and let the door swing shut behind him. He met my eyes in the mirror. “You okay?”   
  
I shrugged. “I will be.”   
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
“Not really.” I sighed and turned around. “I just want to go home.”   
  
“Okay.” He nodded his understanding. “Are you walking?”  
  
“Just to the bus stop.”   
  
“I’m going that way too.” He smiled softly. “My cars in the shop so I’m riding the bus today.”   
  
“Want to walk together, then?” I managed a smile.   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
I picked my books up and we left together. He didn’t bring what happened in the stall up again, and I was grateful. I didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, he talked about trivial things. Tests, homework, and eventually Ran. We talked about Ran for quite some time. I shared some of the amusing experiences I’d had with him and it helped lift my spirits.   
  
I road the bus until I got off on the stop closest to my apartment, just a few blocks away. I got off before Sion and thanked him for earlier, but he just waved it off and said, “That’s what friends are for.”   
  
I left the bus stop and walked the rest of the way home. I wasn’t concerned really, the streets were never empty this time of day.   
  
I had grown increasingly fond of Sion over the last few weeks. He was a good friend. I hope he and Ran remained happy together.   
  
I had a feeling I was going to be hearing from Ran soon enough, after today. I doubt Sion would refrain from saying something about today, not that I minded. I should probably tell him about Zelch anyways.   
  
I unlocked my apartment door and went in, closing the door behind me. I dropped my books next to the door and shrugged out of my jacket. I slipped out of my shoes and left them by the door before I headed to my bedroom. I collapsed face-first onto my bed with a sigh. I was suppose to be packing a small bag to take to Jun’s because he insisted I stay with him for a while. The idea was more relieving than I was going to admit.   
  
I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I did.   
  
I dreamed I was a child again, and I was sitting on the floor drawing. I drew to the sound of my mother’s humming. I would occasionally look up at her and Sasha, who was sitting on her lap. My mother was humming a pleasant tune as she braided Sasha’s long brown hair. Sasha sat still and patiently waited until she was done. She laughed and ran her fingers over the braid, happy as she climbed out of mom’s lap. She paraded over to me and turned around for me to see. “Look! Look!” She exclaimed. “Isn’t it pretty?”   
  
She didn’t wait for me to answer before she bounded back over to our mother. “Can you do Ritsy’s too?”   
  
She used to call me Ritsy when we were children. Our mother shook her head. “Ritsu’s hair isn’t long enough, dear.”   
  
She jutted her lip out in a pout. “Why not?”  
  
“Because he likes it short.” She ran her hand over her child’s hair lovingly.   
  
“That’s dumb.” She pouted and turned to me. “Why won’t you let it be long?”  
  
I didn’t get the chance to answer as I was jerked awake by the sound of my phone ringing. I groaned and sat up. I hadn’t dreamed about my childhood in years. I felt along the covers until I found my phone. I pulled it up to see who was calling. It was Jun. “Hello?” I said sleepily.   
  
“Hey, I’m on my way.” His voice filtered through clearly.   
  
I glanced at the clock. “Okay.”   
  
“You sound like you just woke up.”   
  
“I might have fallen asleep…”   
  
He chuckled. “Okay, well I’ll be there in ten minutes.”   
  
“I’ll be ready.” I said as I hopped off the bed.   
  
“Okay, see you in a few.” He said, his voice amused.   
  
“See you.” I said and then hung up. I grabbed my duffel bag from out of my closet and threw some clothes into it from my dresser. I packed a weeks forth of clothes and then packed a few of my bathroom items. I stood in the living room, trying to decide what else I needed. My phone buzzed with a text and I pulled it out of my back pocket. It was a text from Jun saying that he was here.   
  
Oh. Socks. I forgot socks.   
  
(I’ll be there in a sec) I sent the text back and then hustled back to the bedroom to rustle around in the sock drawer.   
  
Once I had put the socks in the duffel bag, put my shoes and jacket back on, I left. I locked up behind me, shoving the keys into my pocket, and with my duffel bag in hand I headed down the stairs.   
  
His beautiful Challenger, also known as Brisk, was idling outside the front door. He got out of the car as I approached and walked to the back of her to open the trunk. I stepped off the curb and dropped my duffel bag in favor of wrapping my arms around his neck.   
  
He wound his arms around my waist automatically. “Rough day?”  
  
“It was shitty.” I admitted. I stepped back and picked my duffel bag up and set it in his trunk.   
  
“I’m sorry.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Want to do something fun to make it better?”  
  
“Yes.” I smiled.   
  
“Perfect. We could go see a movie?” He suggested, closing the trunk.   
  
“That sounds good to me.”  I grabbed his arm before he could turn away and leaned up to press a chaste kiss to his mouth. He caught me around the waist and kiss me harder, tilting his head to the side. I smiled into the kiss and I felt him do the same. When he pulled back he caught my bottom lip in his teeth lightly, and I pretended it didn’t make my heart race.  
  
It just wasn’t fair when he did that.   
  
And he knew it. He smirked as he stepped back. “Shall we go?”  
  
There was hope for today yet. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this fun little chapter :D

  
The week passed quicker than I had thought it would. Jun drove me to and from school, and if he couldn’t, Sil did. But he rarely couldn’t. But when Sil did pick me up, she was rarely not accompanied by a certain brunette. They were fast becoming the cutest couple I’d ever seen.   
  
Well, I don’t know. Sion and Ran might make smile even more. They were an odd pairing and I had never thought they’d get together. Nanase likes to take full credit for that.   
  
Sion had asked to come over some time to study with me since finals were coming up. We had done the same last semester, but Masashi had been part of that grouping. I told him that would be great. We decided on Saturday, which was today, but our study session wouldn’t be taking place now. Ran had gotten wind of it and decided we could study on Sunday instead, when he was too hungover to bother us.   
  
Ran had then insisted we stay at Jun’s apartment and get hammered. We didn’t have a choice in the matter, obviously, this was Ran, so I invited Nanase and Sil as well.   
  
Currently, I was doing a little bit of studying before they all came over.   
  
“You study too much.” Jun said as he plopped onto the couch beside me.   
  
“No,” I smiled. “I don’t study nearly enough.”   
  
Jun’s idea of too much studying was any studying at all.   
  
“If you say so.” He shrugged. “When are they suppose to be here again?”  
  
“Like any minute now.” I said, closing my text books and notebook. “Ran will probably arrive fashionably late unless Sion manages to keep him on track.”  
  
Which was extremely unlikely.   
  
“I don’t think I’ve met Sion.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure you haven’t.” I shrugged, I honestly couldn’t remember if they’d met.   
  
“I remember Ran, sort of. We didn’t talk much but I saw him sometimes.” He chuckled. “I still remember the first time he convinced you to dance on that bar.”  
  
I smiled. “I only remember pieces of that night, he got me so drunk.”  
  
We heard the front door opened and closed a moment before we heard Sil’s voice call out. “Jun?”  
  
“In here.” He called but didn’t get up. She came into the living room a second after. “I see you made good use of your key.”   
  
“That’s why you gave it to me.” She shrugged. “And besides, we were sorta hoping to catch you two in the middle of something.”   
  
Nanase came in with a sack in hand. “But we’ve been disappointed.”   
  
I rolled my eyes. “You perverts.”   
  
“What’s in the sack?” Jun asked, ignoring them.   
  
Nanase set it on the coffee table. “Alcoholic beverages.”   
  
“They aren’t here yet?” Sil asked before coming over and plopping down on the other couch. Nanase joined her.  
  
“No, but they should be any minute now.” I answered, leaning forward to see what was in the sack. “Blue UV Vodka? What are we, teenagers?”  
  
Nanase stuck her tongue out at me while Sil just shrugged and answered. “It tastes good.”  
  
“That it does.” I chuckled. “Ran said they’re bringing some stuff, too.”   
  
“That scares me, coming from Ran.” Nanase said.   
  
“It should.” I nodded. The last thing he’d brought me was a slutty maid outfit. That had all gone so well.   
  
“Ran is a riot.” Sil smiled and rested an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders. “The last time I saw him, he was working at the escort shop. He practically fucked this guy through his clothes before he just came to bother you, leaving the poor guy all high and dry.”   
  
“I remember that.” Jun laughed softly beside me. “The poor guy was so dumbfounded.”   
  
“That sounds like Ran.” I smiled. “The biggest tease ever to walk the earth.”   
  
“I have never seen this side of Ran.” Nanase chimed in. “I’m quite sad about it.”   
  
“It is certainly a sight to behold.” I laughed. I couldn’t help but think about all the crazy things Ran had drug me into.  
  
There was a knock on the door, quite an obnoxious one at that.   
  
“That’s gotta be Ran.” I laughed and hopped off the couch. “I’ll get it.”   
  
Sure enough, when I opened the door there he was with Sion just a step behind him. “Hey, guys.”   
  
“Rit-chan!” Ran exclaimed and rushed forward, knocking the breath out of me as he enveloped me in a hug.  
  
I chuckled. “Hey, Ran.”  
  
He pulled back, his lips pulling into a large smile. “It’s good to see you.”  
  
“It’s good to see you, too.” I said and ruffled his hair.   
  
Nanase came in and greeted him and then he bounded off to hug her. I turned back to Sion. “Come on it.”   
  
He smiled and entered, a sack in hand. “How’s it goin’, Ritsu?”  
  
“Good,” I smiled as I closed the door behind him. “How about you?”  
  
“Pretty good.” He clapped me on the back and we headed back to the living room.   
  
“So, tell me.” I gestured to the living room and, in particular, Ran. “How did this happen?”  
  
He shook his head. “Totally my fault. I should’ve known that if I told him I was coming here that he’d insist on coming as well.”   
  
“Yes, you should’ve.” I chuckled. “But this works. It’s been awhile since we all hung out.”  
  
“Yes, it has.” He nodded.   
  
I left him and sat down again beside Jun. He put his arm around my shoulder automatically, and pulled me closer.   
  
Ran sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table and Sion joined him. He produced a bottle of Captain Morgan and another of pineapple vodka. He had sprite to mix with the whiskey, should we want any. “Oh, who brought the UV Vodka?” He hummed his appreciation as he read over the title. “That shit is good.”  
  
“I did.” Nanase smirked. “I’m glad you approve.”   
  
“It’s… Jun, right?” Ran asked Jun, tilting his head to the side.   
  
“That’s right.” He smiled smoothly. “We’ve met a few times.”  
  
“Yeah, I remember.” He chuckled softly then gestured to Sion. “This is my boyfriend, Sion.”   
  
Sion blushed softly but gave a small wave. “Nice to meet you, Jun.”  
  
“Likewise.”   
  
“And I’m Jun’s sister,” Sil spoke up. “I’m Silven, but call me Sil.”   
  
“I sort of remember you, too.” Ran nodded and got started on opening up bottles. Jun hopped up and went to get glasses.   
  
“Oh, I _definitely_ remember you.” Sil laughed and laid her head against Nanase’s shoulder.   
  
“I can only imagine why.” Ran smiled and shook his head. Jun came back in and handed Ran the glasses, before sitting back down beside me. “On a scale of one to ten, how drunk was I on the night you remember best?”  
  
“Fifteen.” Sil snorted. “It was also the drunkest I’ve ever seen Ritsu.”  
  
I sighed. “Which time was that?”   
  
“It was the second time you guys got up on the bar.” Sil said with a laugh. “Ran thought jumping into the crowd was a good idea.”  
  
I glanced at Sion, who was blushing quite hard. I wonder how much he actually knew about Ran and I’s past employment.   
  
“Oh no.” Nanase shook her head. “That sounds bad.”  
  
“Oh shit, I remember that.” Ran said while pouring shots of vodka. He must have brought the shot glasses. “Ritsu was wearing these really sexy heels and I told him he had to get up and dance or the night would be wasted.”   
  
“Those heels were made by Satan himself.” I shook my head. The things I let Ran get me into.  
  
“That was a _great_ night.” Jun said, putting his arm back around me again.   
  
Sil snorted. “You only say that because it was the first night you two fucked.”   
  
I pursed my lips. “And it certainly wasn’t the last.”   
  
Jun laughed and kissed my temple. “I just couldn’t help myself after I watched you dance on that bar.”  
  
“See?” Ran smirked and started passing around shot glasses. “The night wasn’t wasted because you got up on that bar.”   
  
“Yeah, sure.” I rolled my eyes and took the shot glass he handed me.   
  
“Here’s to past awesomeness, and future epicness.” Ran said and then downed his shot.   
  
We all followed suit, the UV Vodka going down smoothly. It sorta tasted like candy. “You’re really weird,” I said to Ran. “You know that?”  
  
He just smiled. “I know. It’s why you all love me.”   
  
I snorted. “So how is working at Renji’s?”  
  
His eyes lit up. “It’s awesome. I love it.”   
  
“That’s good to hear.” I smiled. I was glad he was doing something he enjoyed.   
  
“Say, Sion.” Nanase inquired. “Aren’t you happy I insisted that Ritsu invite you two over that one time?”  
  
Sion looked up at her as he poured Captain Morgan into a glass. “Yes, I am.”   
  
She pursed her lips. “Never thought you’d end up dating a guy, huh?”  
  
He shook his head, a small smile pulling at his lips. “No, I didn’t.”   
  
Ran leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Yeah, thanks Nanase.”   
  
I just smiled as I looked on. Sion then handed me the glass of Captain Morgan and sprite. “Thanks.”   
  
He just nodded.   
  
“Ritsu, do you even have any straight friends?” Ran asked, tilting his head to the side.   
  
“Yes,” I answered, my smile slipping from my face. “Just one.”   
  
“Oh.” Ran blinked and shook his head, realization crossing his features. He had met Masashi before. “ _Oh_. Sorry.”   
  
“Don’t sweat it, Ran.” I shrugged and leaned my head against Jun’s shoulder.   
  
“I don’t think he’s forgiven me yet.” Sion said, but he just shrugged. “Not that I care anymore. Asshole.”   
  
“Ditto to that.” Nanase chimed in. “Let’s not talk about him.”  
  
“Agreed.” Sion said and addressed Jun and I. “Say, are you two together?  
  
“Yes.” I answered, a smile creeping onto my face.   
  
“Yeah, so hands off.” Jun joked, pulling me against him in a protective manner.   
  
Ran chuckled. “He’s all yours.”   
  
I just smiled.   
  
“We should play a drinking game!” Sil suggested. “Everyone sit on the floor around the coffee table.”   
  
“We’ve got you beat.” Sion said at his spot on the floor.  
  
Once we were all seated around the coffee table and everyone had a drink, Sil described the same game we played last time. If everyone answers the question, the asker takes a shot. Whoever doesn’t answer the question, takes a shot.   
  
“This again?” Jun said but smiled. “Don’t you grow tired of this game?”  
  
“Never.” Sil said seriously.   
  
“Which way do we start?” Ran leaned forward and asked.   
  
“I’ll ask the first question,” Sil said. “So we’ll go to my right. So, Jun, Ritsu, Sion, Ran, Nanase and back to me.”   
  
“Okay.” He nodded. “Shoot.”  
  
She pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “I’ll start with an easy one. What was your childhood nickname?”  
  
Jun leveled her with a glare. “You gave me the only one I ever had. Junny.”  
  
She snorted. “Cause it rhymed with funny.”   
  
“It wasn’t funny.” He shook his head and then looked to me.   
  
“My little sister called me Ritsy.”   
  
“I didn’t have one.” Sion said with a shrug.   
  
“My mom called me Chewbacca, does that count?” Ran asked, his eyes landing on Sil.   
  
“She called you Chewbacca?” Sion asked, frowning. “Why?”  
  
“That counts but that’s weird.” Sil raised an eyebrow.   
  
Ran just shrugged. “I was obsessed with Chewbacca from Star Wars for a long time and constantly made the same noises he made.”   
  
Nanase just blinked at him before she answered, deciding it was better just to move on. “Nana is the only nickname I’ve ever had.”   
  
Sil _tsked_ and took her shot. “For the record, Junny thought it was funny to call me Silly.”   
  
Jun snorted. “It was hilarious.”   
  
She rolled her eyes. “So was Junny.”   
  
He ignored her and asked his question. “Any ex girlfriends or boyfriends that haunt you?”  
  
“No.” I shook my head. I had only dated a handful of girls, but none of them had been unreasonable afterwards.   
  
Sion shrugged. “Only this one chick that wouldn’t stop calling me after we broke up. But I wouldn’t say she haunts me.”  
  
Ran pursed his lips and thought for a moment. “Kinda the same as his answer. Just a couple guys that didn’t know what ‘fuck off’ meant.”  
  
Sion glanced at his boyfriend but didn’t say anything. Nanase shook her head. “Not really.”   
  
Sil nodded, the only one with an actual story. “That guy that broke up with me to go out with the ugly fat chick.”  
  
“The one that got mad at you for hitting her after she hit you?” Nanase asked and shook her head. “That story haunts me too.”   
  
“I’m surprised you remember that. You were wasted.” I chuckled.   
  
She just shrugged. “It was an intense story.”  
  
Jun took his shot and turned to me. “Your turn.”   
  
I thought for a moment. “What was something you did that drove your mom or dad crazy?”  
  
“I would stuff the trash too full and the bag would rip when she tried to take it out.” Sion answered and smiled. “But I still did it anyways.”   
  
“My mom would’ve beat my ass.” Nanase snorted.  
  
Ran hummed in thought for a moment. “My father hated that I would occasionally try on my mother’s dresses.”   
  
“That sounds like you.” I said with a huff of laughter. “You’ve made me wear so many… interesting outfits.”   
  
“Slutty.” Ran corrected. “Slutty is the term you were looking for.”  
  
“My mother hated that I always forgot to clean my hair out of the shower drain.” Nanase said with a sigh.   
  
“That’s pretty gross.” Jun said. “Can’t say I blame her.”   
  
“Yeah, I know.” She said. “I just never thought about it.”   
  
“My father couldn’t stand that how much I clicked my pen when I studied.” Sil answered.   
  
“That shit is so annoying.” Jun shook his head. “I hated it too.”   
  
“I must agree with that one.” Sion said.   
  
Jun paused for a moment, thinking, before he answered. “My dad hated that I wasn’t man enough to kill spiders…”   
  
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I remembered him saying he was afraid of spiders the last time we played this game. I took my shot.   
  
“That’s hilarious.” Ran chuckled.   
  
“It really was.” Sil agreed. “He always made me do it.”   
  
“It’s not my fault I’m afraid of them.” Jun pouted slightly. “Nothing should have that many legs.”   
  
“Your turn.” Ran bumped his boyfriend’s shoulder.   
  
“Umm…” He tapped his chin in thought. “Do you want kids?”   
  
Ran gave a half-shrug. “I haven’t decided yet.”   
  
“I think I do.” Nanase answered.   
  
“I want them but not until I’m settled down and ready.” Sil said and then looked to Jun for his answer.   
  
“Yes,” He smiled softly. “Absolutely.”   
  
I smiled at the look on his face before glancing at Sion. “I haven’t given it a lot of thought, but yeah I think I do.”   
  
Sion nodded and then looked to Ran. I tried to prepare myself for Ran’s question because who the fuck knew what it was going to be.   
  
“So the point of this game is to get other people to take shots right?” Ran asked Sil.  
  
“Technically, yes.” Sil smiled. “It’s a perfect way to be invasive and get to know people.”   
  
“While still giving them an out.” Ran pointed at her and then smiled. “Okay, I’ve got my question. Who was the last person you had sex with?”   
  
And here we go.  
  
Nanase just chuckled. “Sil.”   
  
“Guess you know my answer.” Sil smirked and kissed Nanase’s shoulder.   
  
I heard Jun sigh softly as he reached for his shot and tossed it back.   
  
I followed suit, tossing back a shot of pineapple vodka. I didn’t necessarily want to think about the man that I last had sex with.   
  
“Holy shit.” Sil pointed at us. “What does that mean?”   
  
“Sion, it’s your turn.” I muttered.   
  
“Wait,” Sil interjected. “You guys haven’t done the do? I thought you guys were fucking the whole time!”  
  
Jun rolled his eyes at his sister. “We haven’t slept together since he worked at the shop.”   
  
“Really?” Nanase looked surprised.   
  
“Really.” I said. I was sort of proud of that, though. I mean yeah, we had slept together in that past. But that was months ago. I was sort of proud that I’d managed to get a boyfriend rather than just sleeping with him instead.   
  
“Wow.” Sil chuckled. “I can’t believe you two can resist.”   
  
I laughed and Jun shook his head as he answered. “Neither can I.”   
  
“Sion?” Sil turned to him.   
  
Sion also threw his shot back but Ran just smirked. “I win this round.”   
  
I wonder if Sion and Ran had slept together yet. With impatient as Ran was, I sort of figured the answer was that they had. But who know. No one asked.   
  
“What’s something that someone you were about to have sex with do that totally turned you off?” Nanase asked, smirking slightly.   
  
“I dated a guy with a foot fetish. He wanted to lick my toes as foreplay.” Sil grimaced as she answered.   
  
I remembered her telling us about that guy the last time we played this game. “That’s not okay.”   
  
“Ew, what the fuck.” Ran wrinkled his nose.   
  
Sil shrugged. “To each their own, but it didn’t do it for me.”   
  
“Thank god.” Nanase laughed softly. “Jun?”   
  
“Uh, screamers.” Jun said with a nod. “I can’t stand screamers.”   
  
“Agreed.”  Sion said. “It’s just obnoxious.”   
  
“Exactly.”   
  
“I’d have to say…” I tapped my lips as I thought about all the things people had done to turn me off. “Bad dirty talk. I can’t stand bad dirty talk.”   
  
Jun’s lips pulled into a smirk. “I will keep that in mind.”   
  
“I can’t stand that either.” Sil shook her head. “It’s just sad.”   
  
“It’s one of the worst things someone can do.” Ran grimaced. “It happens too much.”   
  
Sion interjected with his answer. “This one chick I was dating for a while liked scratching… A lot. And I didn’t.”   
  
“I’m gonna guess that didn’t last long?” Nanase leaned forward and asked.   
  
“Not long at all.” Sion chuckled.   
  
“Oh!” Ran jumped forward and snapped his fingers. “This one guy wanted to cover his dick in peanut butter and put bread around it and have me ‘eat the hot dog’.”   
  
“What the fuck.” Sion looked sideways at his boyfriend. “What the _fuck_.”  
  
“That’s what I said!” Ran exclaimed and slammed his hands down on the table. “I was like you want me to do _what_?”  
  
“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Sil managed through her laughter.   
  
“Yeah,” Nanase’s nose scrunched up in disgust. “Who eats hot dogs with peanut butter?”   
  
“ _That’_ s what your worried about?” I hooted with laughter and slapped my knee, completely undone by her facial expression. She looked so appalled that anyone would do that.   
  
“What the fuck Nanase?” Jun forced out through his own laughter.   
  
“I’m sorry,” She threw her hands up. “But that’s disgusting.”   
  
“That’s not the worst part!” I rested my hand on my stomach as it started to hurt from laughing too hard.   
  
“So did you do it?” Sil asked, leaning forward to hear his answer.   
  
Ran raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You will never know.”   
  
Sion’s eyebrows raised and Nanase mocked a gagging noise.   
  
“Oh no, no,” Sil chuckled. “You _have_ to tell us now.”   
  
“Yeah and depending on your answer,” Sion glanced sideways at his boyfriend again. “I may never kiss you again.”   
  
Ran laughed and leaned over to kiss Sion’s temple. Sion grimaced. “Don’t worry, babe. I didn’t do it.”   
  
“Thank _god_.” Nanase said with honest relief. “My respect for you has grown.”   
  
“I’m so glad to hear that, Ran.” Jun raised his glass in salute.   
  
“Me too.” Sion nodded, looking seriously relieved.   
  
I snickered. “Did he offer to pay more?”  
  
Ran rolled his eyes. “Yes, but there was no way in hell.”   
  
Nanase reached forward and picked up her shot glass. She tossed it back and her face scrunched up in disgust. “That’s really strong.”   
  
“Are we playing another round?” Sion asked and poured himself another drink.   
  
“Fuck yes.” Sil said with a smile.   
  
We played several more rounds until Sil was too drunk to form proper sentence anymore. It honestly didn’t take that much. And then there was Ran. When he got drunk, he got frisky. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Sion didn’t protest, but he blushed enough to light up the room every time. Sil and Nanase retired to the guest bedroom first, no doubt for reasons we didn’t want details of. I talked with the guys for awhile until I was too tired, and then I drug Jun off the bed with me. Jun told them not to fuck on his couch when he got them blankets.   
  
“No promises.” Ran had said and winked.   
  
Sion just blushed again and shook his head.   
  
I shook my head as I drug Jun off. I stripped myself of my jeans and my shirt, throwing them toward the hamper. I didn’t look to see if they made it, I didn’t particularly care. I just crawled into bed and huddled under the covers, waiting for my personal space heater to join me. When he did, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.   
  
“Tonight was fun.” I muttered into his green shirt.   
  
“Yeah it was.” I heard him chuckle. “Ran in a riot.”   
  
“He’s crazy.”   
  
“All of our friends are.” He kissed my temple and I sighed contently.   
  
“What does that say about us?”   
  
“Probably that we’re just as crazy.”   
  
“Just probably?” I smiled, though he couldn’t see it.  
  
“Closer to definitely.”   
  
I hummed my response. “I’m so tired.”   
  
“Go to bed.”  
  
It didn’t take long for sleep to take me.  
  
-  
  
  
 _I rubbed my hands together and then knocked on Sasha’s bedroom door and waited._  
  
 _“Come in.” She called._  
  
 _I opened her door to find her sitting on the floor, surrounded by notebooks and papers. “What are you up to?”_  
  
 _“Well, I was doing homework. But now I’m drawing instead.” She gestured to the drawing pad that was placed over her forgotten homework._  
  
 _“Ever the procrastinator I see.” I smiled and sat down on the end of her bed._  
  
 _She shrugged. “I’ll get to it eventually.”_  
  
 _“I’m sure you will.” I teased, but we both knew she would. She was more responsible than I was._  
  
 _She bent back over her drawing pad. “So what’s up?”_  
  
 _Why was I so nervous? She was my sister. I could tell her this. She wouldn’t hate me. But instead I found myself shrugging and rubbing my hands together again. “I was just wondering what you were doing.”_  
  
 _She hummed. “So you are also procrastinating?”_  
  
 _I sort of was but it was in the form of avoiding the words I needed to speak. “Apparently.”_  
  
 _“We’re pro procrastinators.” She nodded, then tilted her head when we heard the front door open and then close. “That must be dad.”_  
  
 _I nodded, pretending that didn’t make me more nervous. “Good, mom said dinner was almost ready.”_  
  
 _“Awesome, I’m starving.” She muttered, her focus returning to the drawing pad._  
  
 _I had been hungry right up until I’d felt too nervous to eat. I probably didn’t even need to be nervous. They were my family. They would accept me. It didn’t change who I was._  
  
 _Tonight was the night._  
  
 _That’s what I decided. And I wasn’t going to back down this time._  
  
 _“Sasha, there’s something I need to-“_  
  
 _“Kids!” Our mother yelled up the stairs, interrupting me. “Time to eat!”_  
  
 _I sighed. There went my window. I had wanted to tell Sasha in private but… I suppose it didn’t make any difference in the long run._  
  
 _“What were you saying?” Sasha said as she stood up and stretched her arms over her head._  
  
 _I stood up too, but just shook my head. “Nothing. Let’s go eat.”_  
  
 _I followed Sasha down the stairs and into the kitchen. Mom was setting the table. She smiled when she saw us come in. Dad was sitting at the table reading a newspaper. There was a rice and chicken dish on the table that I recognized as one of dad’s favorites._  
  
 _“You guys ready to eat?” She asked as she set the last were things on the table._  
  
 _“Yes, I’m starving.” Sasha said and plopped into her usual spot. I sat across from her._  
  
 _Mom sat at the head of the table, across from dad. “Good, then let’s eat.”_  
  
 _I chewed on my cheek as I thought about how to approach the subject. Did I just blurt it out or did I lead the conversation up to it? Shit, why didn’t I think about this more?_  
  
 _Dad set his newspaper aside with a small sigh._  
  
 _“How was work, dad?” Sasha asks before taking a bite of the rice._  
  
 _“It was fine.” He gave a half-hearted shrug. “Nothing exciting.”_  
  
 _Maybe I should just tell them another day._  
  
 _Sasha nodded but didn’t actually respond, too enraptured in her food._  
  
 _“How was school, sweetie?” Mom asked Sasha._  
  
 _Fuck no, Ritsu. Tonight is the night. That’s what you decided._  
  
 _“It was good. Boring.” She smiled and looked across at me._  
  
 _I think I smiled back._  
  
 _“What’s wrong, Ritsu?” Mom asked with a frown. “You’re not eating. You don’t like it?”_  
  
 _“No, no, I do.” I bit my lip. “I just… I have something to tell you guys, I’m just not sure how to go about it.”_  
  
 _“What happened?” Mom tilted her head, her brow furrowing in what could only be concerned._  
  
 _“Did you get someone knocked up?” Sasha joked, because she and I both knew I didn’t. I hadn’t dated a girl in months. I never would again, either._  
  
 _“You had better not have.” Dad chimed in, wiping his mouth with a napkin._  
  
 _I would come to realize he would rather have that alternative._  
  
 _“No, it’s nothing like that.” I chuckled nervously._  
  
 _Not even close._  
  
 _“What is it?” Mom asked. “Tell us.”_  
  
 _I sighed and rubbed my hands on my pants. “You guys promise not to get mad?”_  
  
 _“We promise.” Mom said and smiled._  
  
 _“Last time you asked us not to get mad you had just broken the neighbors window.” Dad raised a skeptical eyebrow._  
  
 _“Takeshita.” My mother gave him a disapproving look and he held his hands up in surrender. “Go on, Ritsu.”_  
  
 _“I’m…” I took a deep breath and let it out. They would accept me. “I’m gay.”_  
  
 _Oh, how wrong I would turn out to be._  
  
I opened my eyes to still-dark room and when I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand it read 4:21.  I sighed and raised a hand to rub my forehead. How long had it been since I had dreamed about that? It had been a long time but not nearly long enough. All it did was remind me of how naive I’d been to think my father would accept me.    
  
I turned my head to look at the gorgeous blond sleeping beside me. His face was illuminated from the light that filtered in off the street. He was lying on his side facing me, one hand tucked under the pillow beneath his head. He looked so serene, his face free of the troubles of the world.   
  
I turned on my side to face him. I lifted my hand and brushed his hair away from his eyes. Then I ran the back of my hand down his cheek lightly. He really was gorgeous. And kind. He was so kind. No one had ever treated me the way he had in the last few weeks. Not even the man who was supposed to be my best friend, who I was so hopelessly in love with. But Jun somehow lessened that pain. He made me feel loved, in the way he smiled or looked at me. I wanted to love him like that. I wanted more than anything to love him like that.  
  
His eyes fluttered open when I ran my fingers along his jaw. He blinked a few times before he focused on my face. He hummed under his breath and reached up to take my hand in his own. “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” I whispered, squeezing his hand. “I’m okay.”   
  
_Because of you._  
  
He released my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist and then pulled me closer. “You sure?”  
  
“Yeah.” I said but my breath stuttered on the way out.   
  
He pulled back a little to look at me, his brow furrowing in concern. “Another nightmare?”  
  
“Yeah, but…” I shook my head. “That’s not what I was thinking about.”  
  
As much as my father’s reaction to me coming out haunted me, that wasn’t what upset me. I wasn’t even upset. I was just suddenly overwhelmed.   
  
“What were you thinking about?” He asked softly, his eyes soft as they met mine.   
  
“I was…” I sighed and averted my gaze. “I was thinking about you.”  
  
“About me?” He asked. I could tell he was surprised by his voice. “What about me?”   
  
I didn’t answer right away. I was trying to decide how to put it into words.   
  
His arm unwound from my waist and then he tilted my chin up until I looked at him. “Why are you upset, Ritsu?”  
  
“I just…” I was making his feel insecure, I could see it in his eyes. But that wasn’t my aim at all. “How do you do it?”  
  
He shook his head in confusion. “Do what?”  
  
“Make me feel so secure? Safe?” Wanted. I shook my head quickly and looked down. “You’re great, Jun, and I just… I just don’t feel like I have enough to give you in return.”   
  
I heard him sigh softly and then he kissed my forehead. “You don’t need to _give_ me anything in return. You’ve already done plenty to make me happy, Ritsu.”  
  
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and just shook my head. I hadn’t really done anything. I liked him, I really did, but was that enough?  
  
“Look at me.”  
  
I met his blue eyes reluctantly.   
  
“When you agreed to be my boyfriend, you made me happier than you will ever know.” He stated simply, a small smile curling his lips. “You-“  
  
“It’s not enough.” I hissed, interrupting him.   
  
“I know you love him,” He started, his smile slipping from his lips. I looked away. It hurt to hear him say it. “But I also know that you’re trying your best to get over him. _That_ is enough for me.”   
  
“It shouldn’t be.” I whispered, absently picking at the blanket that covered us. “You deserve better.”  
  
“I don’t want better.” He said quickly. When I met his eyes, I didn’t see any doubt in them. Just determination. “I want _you_.”   
  
My exhale stuttered on it’s way out. He wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb as it fell.   
  
The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say them. Instead, I leaned up on my elbow and kissed him. I slipped my hand through his soft blond locks, and tilted my head to the side. He responded to me, his hand slipping back around my waist again. I felt his tongue dance across my lips, requesting access I happily granted.   
  
I hoped he could feel the words I didn’t say. I hoped he could taste them on my tongue.   
  
_You have me._


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, this chapter was going to be a lot longer. But I'm so swamped with school that I decided to just wrap up what I have. So I hope you enjoy and I hope this chapter doesn't feel too rushed.
> 
> I apologize for how long it's taken to update. As I said, I am crammed with school. I'll try to get another one out here soon but I'm not sure when.

  
The next morning Ran cornered me, as I knew he would. Sion told him what happened on campus and it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together after that. He came into the kitchen while I was making coffee, and he straight out asked. But by the look on his face, he already knew the answer. But I told him. I didn’t go into a lot of details, no one really needed to know the particulars. He hugged me and told me he was sorry. I thought for a moment he was going to cry, but he didn’t. He told me that if I needed anything I could call.  
  
Before he left, I asked him to tell Zin and Hibiki. I didn’t want to say it anymore than I had to, but they should know. I told them I’d keep them in the loop. And who knew, Zelch may end up going after Zin again. It was hard to say what he would do, he certainly wasn’t predictable.  
  
“Of course.” He had said, stepping forward to give me another hug.  
  
“Thanks, Ran.” I muttered into his shoulder.  
  
He left shortly after that, and then the girls left an hour or so after him. Jun had some errands to run, so he left shortly after them. That left Sion and I to do some studying without the distraction of hungover people. I think the biggest reason Ran didn’t stay to bother us was because he was too hungover. He probably went home to sleep it off.  
  
Sion and I spent the better part of the afternoon studying and trading banter back and forth out of sheer boredom. He helped me catch up on a subject I’d missed something important on from one of the many days I had taken off. I don’t think I actually helped him with anything but let’s be realistic, he was the brainiac here. I mean, my grades were good but not quite Sion good.  
  
“It sounds like my… boyfriend is quite the partier.” He said at one point, glancing over the coffee table at me.  
  
I snorted. “You mean you haven’t experienced that firsthand?”  
  
“Well, yeah, but…” He tapped his pencil idly against his textbook. “Not the same way it sounds like you guys have.”  
  
“You mean Ran behaves when you’re around?” I quirked an eyebrow and couldn’t help but smile. It was hard to picture Ran as anything but out of control.  
  
Sion rolled his eyes. “Well, he’s never gotten on top of any bars around me.”  
  
I chuckled and shook my head. “We’ve had some good times, what can I say?”  
  
Sion chewed on the inside of his lip and nodded. And that’s when I realized he was looking for some sort of reassurance from me. I wasn’t sure for what, though.  
  
“If you keep furrowing your brow like that you’ll get wrinkles.” I commented. “What are you worrying about now?”  
  
He sighed softly, and gave a faint shake of his head. “I don’t even know.”  
  
I smiled. He was so innocent. “You don’t have anything to worry about with Ran.”  
  
He glanced at me again, but his gaze lingered longer. “Yeah?”  
  
I nodded. “He’s faithful. He likes to party but he doesn’t like going alone. Now that he has you, don’t think he’ll let you go so easily.”  
  
He looked away but I saw the way his lips curled up into a smile. “Thanks, Ritsu.”  
  
I hummed my response and focused back on my textbook. The next couple of hours we spent doing an impressive amount of studying considering how hungover we were. I don’t even know how many cups of coffee I’d had.  
  
Our little study session reached it’s end when Sion promptly shoved his text book away from him and consequently, it fell from the coffee table onto the floor.  
  
When I looked up at him questioningly he simply said: “I’m fucking done.”  
  
I laughed softly. “I second that.”  
  
“Perfect.” He rubbed his temples. “I can’t stare at words for one second longer.”  
  
“I think I’ve been rereading this page for the last ten minutes.” I gestured to the open textbook in front of me.  
  
“Yeah, we’re done.” He said, reaching over and shoving my books off of the table as well.  
  
I chuckled and leaned forward to lay my head on the coffee table. “I think this is the first time you’ve called quits first.”  
  
“Well this is the first time we’ve studied hungover as shit.” He said, reaching up to rub his eyes.  
  
“True.” I sighed and stood up, grabbing our empty coffee mugs. “I think we need more coffee.”  
  
“I fucking second that.” He agreed, but didn’t move from his spot on the floor.  
  
I went to the kitchen and poured the last two cups into our mugs. I turned the coffee pot off and returned to the living room. Sion’s head was down on the table, his arms resting limply at his side. I smiled and set the mug down next to him, before retaking my seat across from him.  
  
“Thanks.” He muttered as he wrapped a hand around the mug.  
  
“Course.” I replied and sipped on my coffee. “Thanks for studying with me despite being ‘hungover as shit’.”  
  
“That’s what friends are for.” He lifted his head to take a drink of the dark liquid.  
  
I hummed softly over the rim of my mug.  
  
“Jun seems fun.” He said after a few minutes of silence.  
  
I leaned back against the foot of the couch and smiled. “He is. He’s great.”  
  
“Look, I don’t…” He shifted and kept his gaze on the table. “I don’t know what all happened between you and Masashi, and I won’t ask but…. I hope you move on. You deserve someone like Jun. You deserve to be happy, after all the shit that’s happened.”  
  
“Thanks, Sion…” I smiled softly at him, honestly kind of touched. “I’m sorry your guys’s friendship fell through because of me.”  
  
He shook his head. “Don’t be. I don’t want to be friends with someone who can treat their best friend like shit.”  
  
Part of me wondered if he’d put the pieces together himself or if he’d heard something from someone else, but I don’t suppose it mattered. Sion had turned out to be a better friend than I’d ever thought we would be. At first he’d been Masashi’s friend, someone I’d met through him and from school. I never would have thought he’d be standing on my side when things fell apart between Masashi and I.  
  
“What you did in the bathroom… I really appreciate it.” I said, meeting his kind eyes. “Really, I do.”  
  
He nodded and his cheeks colored. “That’s what friends are for. You would do the same for me.”  
  
“So I would.” I nodded. “But still. Thanks.”  
  
He sipped on his coffee and didn’t say anything for a minute. “You know…” He started, staring into his coffee. “I was friends with Masashi for a while before I met you. I always thought he was a cool guy. Fun, you know? But man…” He shook his head. “I never thought he’d turn out like he has. I don’t know if he’s changed, or if I never really knew him that well to begin with but… I can’t believe he could toy with your feelings like that.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Part of me still didn’t want to believe it. Part of me wanted to go back to being oblivious and naive, if it meant I’d get to stay with him for a while longer.  
  
But the other part of me? The other part of me knew now what it was like to be treated well. To be treated with love and kindness. The other part of me had Jun, and that part of me didn’t want to go back to anything.  
  
“I’m sorry for bringing it up.” He adjusted his glasses on his face.  
  
“Don’t be.” I shrugged. It was hard to think about how Masashi had treated me, or how I had let myself be treated. But I could talk about it now. The wound was scabbing, and it no longer felt like I was bleeding. I would heal with time.  
  
“Can I ask you something?”  
  
“Course.” I nodded. “Shoot.”  
  
“Do you love Jun?” He bit his lip and looked like he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask that question, even as the words left his mouth.  
  
I sighed softly. “I don’t know… He means a lot to me. He’s irreplaceable in my life but… I don’t know the extent of my feelings. Not yet, anyway.”  
  
Sion nodded, his eyes holding understanding. “I know what you mean. I’m sort of… at the same place. With Ran, I mean. I like him a lot, I just don’t know how much.”  
  
“That’s exactly how I feel.” I gave a half shrug. “At least we’re both with great people.”  
  
“For fucking real.” He chuckled. “I never in a million years thought I’d date a guy.”  
  
I laughed softly and slid my mug in between my hands on the table. “I know. You were really freaking out.”  
  
“I know.” He sighed and shook his head. “For no real reason.”  
  
“It always seems like that after the fact, huh?”  
  
“Yes it does.” He nodded and drank from his mug.  
  
“Well, I’m just glad you two got things worked out.” I said.  
  
“So am I.” He smiled. “He’s a pain in the ass but he’s a lot of fun.”  
  
A smirk slipped across my face. “Literally?”  
  
“What?” He blinked at me in mild confusion before realization cross his features. “Oh. Oh. Your mind is in the fucking gutter.”  
  
“I know.” I winked at him.  
  
He rolled his eyes. “Pervert.”  
  
I shrugged. “No more than your boyfriend is.”  
  
He snorted and glanced at me. “No, I’m pretty sure he’s the bigger pervert.”  
  
“I might just agree with you on that one.”  
  
We talked for a bit more before he decided he needed to go. He gathered his books up and I walked him to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
“See you.” He said and hugged me. “Thanks for last night. And for studying with me.”  
  
“Of course.” I smiled as I returned the hug. “Thanks for studying with me despite being really hungover.”  
  
He groaned softly as he stepped back. “Of course, but let’s never do it again.”  
  
I chuckled. “I have a feeling that’s a promise we won’t be able to keep.”  
  
“With Ran around? You’re probably right.” He shook his head as he turned and walked out the door. “I’ll see you later, Ritsu.”  
  
“Later, Sion.” I replied before I closed the door behind him. I sighed softly and returned to the living room to clean up our mess. I did the dishes and cleaned off the counters, and put my books where they wouldn’t be in Jun’s way. I wondered briefly when he’d be back since he hadn’t said.  
  
I lounged around for a bit before I decided to take a shower, hopping off the couch. I entered the bedroom and pulled a over-sized green T-shirt of Jun’s out of his drawer. I grabbed some of my underwear and then headed into the bathroom. I took my time showering, simply letting the hot water cascade down and off my body. It felt nice.  
  
Once out of the shower I towel dried myself before slipping into the clothes I’d brought in. I towel dried my hair, which caused it to stand up in all different directions. I patted it down until it laid semi-nicely. I hung up the towel and left the bathroom, feeling refreshed.  
  
I threw the dirty clothes into the hamper and then launched myself into the middle of Jun’s bed. I landed with a soft plop, and sighed out my contentless upon contact with the softest bed on the planet. I loved his bed.  
  
I turned my head to the side but remained on my stomach. I had never payed much attention to Jun’s belongings in this room, I was always either too busy minded or distracted in some fashion. There was a picture on the night stand of Jun, Sil and I assumed their father. Jun and Sil looked younger, maybe just out of high school. Their father was standing in between them, with his hands around their shoulders. He was strikingly attractive, and the resemblance between the three was astounding. The same blond hair, the same blue eyes. They were all smiling happily at the camera. I wondered idly who took the picture. A random bystander? Perhaps their mother?  
  
But there were no pictures of their mother. I’d never heard either twin mention her, either. I was curious to know where she was. Were they separated? Or something else?  
  
I was sort of afraid to ask, in case it was a touchy subject. I suppose since he knew the majority of my demons that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I asked, and I’m sure he would tell me. But there were somethings I felt uncomfortable asking, like maybe they were too personal. We were dating, but there were still boundaries. I wasn’t sure quite where they lay just yet, but with time I would find out.  
  
There were some pictures on the dresser across from me on the opposite wall, too. Some of Sil and Jun, Jun and their father or Sil and their father. But no sign of their mother.  
  
But I suppose I’m not one to talk. He has more pictures of his family than I do. I don’t have any pictures of my family. Not even of Sasha. I’d left the house in a hurry, and I hadn’t been back since. There hadn’t been time to grab clothes, let alone pictures. I wonder if my father threw out all the pictures that contained me. There had been family pictures and childhood pictures all throughout the house. I wonder what he did with them. If he left them there, and they were like an unspoken ghost of the son he once had. Or if he disposed of them, as if I’d never existed. Or if he’d cut me out of them, or had mom do it, as a way to cut me out of their lives.  
  
I guess that’s a relatively useless thing to think about. It didn’t truly matter. We were never going to be a family again, so it didn’t matter what he did with the pictures. It’d probably be easier to get rid of them, to pretend like I’d never existed than to explain it to others. I wonder how many of our family friends knew the truth about what had happened. I wonder if he simply told them I’d betrayed the family, or if he actually told them I was a fag.  
  
It didn’t matter.  
  
None of it mattered.  
  
Even though I’ll carry the scar with me for the rest of my life, it didn’t matter.  
  
What happened had helped shape me, and made me who I am today. I don’t know if I’ve changed for the better or not. I would like to think so but I don’t know. I destroyed any chance at being part of that family, and I destroyed my friendship with my best friend. But I knew who I was. I know who I am now. I had changed, they had changed and we would all continue to change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.  
  
That was life.  
  
I wonder how I’ll look back on myself in twenty years.  
  
I turned my head to the other side and willed away thoughts of the past, and of the future. I needed to focus on the present. I had more pressing concerns.  
  
I sighed and closed my eyes. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, with my mind floating numbly from thing to thing, but eventually I fell asleep. I didn’t dream anything coherent, just soft swirling colors and brief glimpses nature. A distorted cloud drifting slowly across the sky.    The sound of leaves rustling in the wind. The sound of a chilled stream rushing over rocks.    
  
I was walking through a field of tall grass, running my hands over their tips. I was watching a butterfly go from one flower to another, to another until it simply flew away. I was listening to the bird calls. I was feeling the soft breeze on my skin. I felt the heat of the sun kiss my skin.  
  
It was incoherent, distorted, but it was pleasant. It was soothing.  
  
I awoke to the sound of my boyfriend’s soft voice. I felt him place a kiss on my shoulder, then on my temple. The bed shifted under his weight. I opened my eyes and glanced up at him from where I was lying on my stomach. He had a hand on each side of my body and he was leaning over me.  
  
“Hey.” He whispered, a smile dancing over his lip.  
  
“Hi.” I mumbled in response.  
  
“Did you have a nice nap?”  
  
I wiggled around until I was facing him. “As a matter of fact, I did.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He chuckled and leaned down to plant a chaste kiss to my lips.  
  
But I wasn’t having any of that, and I made that clear as I slipped my hand into his hair and pulled him back to me. He smiled against my lips and I felt him readjust his weight a second before I felt his hand rest on my hip.  
  
I hummed as I moved my lips against his. His tongue flicked across my lips and I couldn’t grant him access quicker. My tongue danced out to meet his halfway as my fingers tightened in his hair.  
  
His hand creeped up along my side, slipping under my shirt to caress the skin beneath. My own hand began wondering, from the spot where it rest on his arm to his waist. I slipped my hand under his blue shirt and up his back. I love the way his muscled back felt under my hands. God couldn’t have created this man any better if he’d made him in his own image.  
  
He ran his hand back down my side to my hip, and then started to fumble idly at the waistband of my boxers. I welcomed the thought of where this was headed, but as my luck would have it, we didn’t get there.  
  
Jun jerked back as the sound of some kind of horrible screeching pierced the air. I flinched as the obnoxious sound resonated in my head, reminding me that I was still hungover. Jun blinked down at me oddly before he shifted his gaze to the nightstand. “Is that a goat?”  
  
I followed his gaze to my phone that was still plugged in on the nightstand. With a sigh, I reached for it and flipped it over so I could see who was calling. “It’s Nanase.” I rolled my eyes. “She must have changed her ringtone. And she changed her photo I.D. last night.” I said and turned to phone so he could see. She had an arm thrown over Sil’s shoulders and she was holding the phone above them. Her smile was lopsided and Sil just looked confused.  
  
“That is truly obnoxious.” He said with a grimace. He reached up to rub his temples. Apparently his hangover wasn’t gone either. “Where did she even find such an obnoxious ringtone? Answer it before I break your phone.”  
  
Then he rolled off of me in one smooth motion and laid next to me.  
  
I shrugged and with a sigh, hit send. I mustered all my frustration - sexual and otherwise -  I could into one word. “Hello?”  
  
“What did you think of that?” She already sounded amused.  
  
“I’m going to change it as soon as we hang up.”  
  
“Aww, poor baby.” She snickered. “Did I interrupt your studying? If so, mission accomplished.”  
  
“No, Sion left…” I paused, realizing I didn’t know what time it was. “A while ago.”  
  
“I see. Oh well. Did the ringtone scare you?”  
  
“I honestly died a little inside.” I rolled my eyes, giving her the answer she was looking for.  
  
“Well mission accomplished, then.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I gotta go. I just wanted to call and scare the shit out of you.”  
  
“Well, good job. I guess.”  
  
“Thanks. Later, Ritsu.”  
  
“See ya.” I said and hung up. I reached over and dropped my phone onto the nightstand.  
  
“What did she want?” Jun asked as I met his blue eyes.  
  
“Literally nothing.” I sighed and rolled onto my side to face him.  
  
He shook his head and smiled. “That sounds something Sil would do.”  
  
“They kind of are like two peas in a pod, huh?”  
  
He nodded and reached out to push my hair off my forehead. “Hey, you want to go on a date tomorrow?”  
  
“A date?” I repeated, a small smile slipping over my face.  
  
“Yeah, just the two of us.” His hand slipped away from my face to take one of my hands in his own.  
  
“Yeah.” I nodded and I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Yeah, I’d like that.”  
  
“Perfect.” He smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “Where do you want to go?”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I'm sorry for the delay. This is a fun chapter, so yay us. I hope you guys enjoy it. And thank you all for your patience, I am sorry for taking so long. >_

  
It turns out, Jun and I are very indecisive when it comes to selecting somewhere for a date. There were no movies we wanted to see and that was the only date we’d ever gone on so after that we were stumped.  
  
Eventually, we did decide though. It’s cliche to say that it’s cliche, but we decided to go to a carnival. Which is pretty cliche. But we decided to go since there was nowhere else we wanted to go. I hadn’t been to one in years, so I was happy with it. There was that festival thing that I went to with Masashi and Ishihara a while back, but I hadn’t stayed long. So it didn’t count.  
  
Jun had insisted on paying for the tickets, even after I insisted I could pay for myself. He just snorted and told me no. He didn’t give me much choice so I let it go.  
  
He was in the process of struggling with putting on the wrist band they provide. I smiled as I reached over and helped him.  
  
“Thank you.” He groaned and shook his head.  
  
“What are boyfriends for if not to help you when you’re struggling?” I winked.  
  
“That would be kind of deep if I wasn’t struggling with a shitty little wrist band.” He said as he glanced sideways at me.  
  
I chuckled. “You have a point. It was pretty sad.”  
  
He bopped me on the bad of the head. “That’s just rude.”  
  
“Just saying.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, what do you want to ride first?” He asked, running a hand through his blonde hair.  
  
I hummed softly under my breath, and pursed my lips as I stared at him.  
  
He looked over at me when I didn’t answer and met my gaze. He frowned as he slowly stopped. “What?”  
  
I stopped next to him and pulled my lips into a smirk. “What would you say if I said you?”  
  
He blinked at me and I watched as his adams apple bounced as he swallowed. He opened his mouth and then closed it. For once, I actually had him speechless. I looked away and started walking again, chuckling to myself.  
  
It only took him a moment to catch up. He shoved my shoulder playfully as he fell into step beside me. “You’re terrible.”  
  
I smiled and nodded. “I know.”  
  
He sighed but he was smiling. “Since you’re a little shit, I’m going to decide on the ride.”  
  
“Works for me.” I said with a shrug, my amusement evident in my voice.  
  
He reached over and grabbed my hand. He intertwined our fingers, and started pulling me toward one of the ride. My heart skipped a beat as our fingers molded together perfectly. Why did something as simple as that send my heart into a frenzy?  
  
“We’re riding this and you can call me a child all you want.” He said as he stopped and glanced down at me. I looked up to see the ride but he had caught me staring at our hands. He frowned softly, a faint crease forming between his eyes. He held up our linked hands. “Is this okay?”  
  
He was giving me an out. In case I wasn’t comfortable with public displays of affection. Could he be any more considerate?  
  
“Yes.” I smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay.”  
  
The smile that split his face was a dat too dazzling to look at and I found myself resisting the urge to squint. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. That smile said everything. I’m not sure if that was a test, but if it was, I’d say I passed.  
  
I looked over at the ride we were standing in line for and couldn’t help but smile. “Spinning teacups? Really?”  
  
“Shut up.” He replied. His cheeks reddened. “It’s fun.”  
  
I chuckled. “I haven’t been on one since I was like ten.”  
  
“‘I haven’t been on one since I was ten’.” He said in a poor mock version of my voice. “Yeah? Well I went on one last year, so I guess I’m cooler than you.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think riding spinning teacups makes you cool.”  
  
“But I am cool.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Or aren’t I?”  
  
“Yeah, you’re pretty cool.” I admitted with a sigh. He was cool. That was half the problem.  
  
“You-“  
  
He was interrupted by the operator telling us we could get on, barely sparing a glance to our linked hands. We walked up the small platform and seated ourselves before pulling the bar down. The operator had come around and locked them all down.  
  
“Are you ready for this?” Jun waggled his eyebrows at me.  
  
I snorted. “Of course.”  
  
But what I wasn’t ready for was that Jun liked all spinning rides. And he declared that we must ride all of them. By the time we got off the sixth one, I was ready to die.  
  
“I need to sit down for a second.” I said as I sat down on a bench after getting off the sixth ride. This one had moved up and down, tilted and spun. It was hell.  
  
Jun sat next to me and reached over to rub soothing circles on my back. “It doesn’t look like your stomach is going to make the remaining two.”  
  
“Gods, no.” I chuckled. My stomach was in knots. “Let’s ride something dumb and slow.”  
  
“Okay.” He smiled. “You want something to eat?”  
  
I shook my head. “Not yet. But we can get something if you’re hungry.”  
  
He shrugged. “Nah, I’m good.”  
  
“Okay.” I replied with a nod. After a few more minutes my stomach felt well enough that we could go on. “What should we ride next?”  
  
He shook his head. “It’s your turn to pick. I’ve had my fun.”  
  
The first thing I spotted wasn’t a ride, but I immediately wanted to use it. I smiled and took his hand, pulling him toward it. With my other hand I pulled my wallet out of my pocket.  
  
“Can we?” I asked as I stopped in front of the photo booth.  
  
He smiled as he pulled the curtain aside and gestured for me to go in. “Of course.”  
  
I climbed into the booth and inserted my quarters. He climbed in after me and pulled the curtain shut. He sat beside me and put his arm around me. I clicked through the settings before I pressed start, watching the large numbers count down from five. We smiled for the first on, but he leaned over and kissed my cheek unexpectedly for the second one. So I turned and kissed him for the third, but we got too caught up in that to do anything else for the fourth one.  
  
He sighed softly as he pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth before he reached over and grabbed the newly printed pictures. He climbed out of the booth and I followed him. He handed me one of the slips while gazing at his copy.  
  
“These are actually really good.” He said, sounding a little surprised.  
  
But he was right. They were. His smile in the first one was lopsided and he looked really happy. It was one of the better pictures of me, too. The last two were of us kissing. His earring caught the light from the booth in those. The last two were my favorites, although I wouldn’t admit it. Secretly, everyone dreams for a picture of their boyfriend - or girlfriend if you’re into that - capturing your lips. It was perfect and it was damn impossible to keep the smile off of my face.  
  
I didn’t notice him move until he was right in front of me. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his warm breath tickling my ear.  “If you keep smiling like that, I’m going to take you right here and I don’t give a damn who sees.”  
  
He stepped back, his signature smirk drifting over his face.  
  
Butterflies tickled my stomach that had nothing to do with the carnival rides. I blinked at him as I felt my cheeks burn. I raised a hand to cover my mouth, because not smiling was impossible. “That’s not fair.” I muttered into my hand.  
  
“I know.” He winked at me and then pulled his wallet out, slipping his copy into it. “Come on, let’s go ride the ferris wheel.”  
  
I followed after him after I had done the same with my picture, slipping my own wallet back into my pocket. I willed the heat in my cheeks to dissipate but it seemed intent on staying. I caught up with him quickly and grabbed his hand. “The ferris wheel, huh?”  
  
He looked down at me and nodded. “We’re a couple. We can’t not ride the ferris wheel.”  
  
I snorted laughter. “That’s the most cliche thing ever.”  
  
“Like the photo booth wasn’t?” He bumped his shoulder into mine playfully.  
  
“Yeah, that was pretty damn cliche. I’ll give you that.”  
  
“But it’s okay.” He smiled. “I like cliche.”  
  
“I’m finding that I do, too.” I agreed softly.  
  
He squeezed my hand. “Good.”  
  
The ferris wheel wasn’t too far from the photo booth and we soon found ourselves standing in line. It was a pretty big one, bigger than I would have thought for this place. The line wasn’t necessarily long or short, but we did wait for some time. I was gazing at the top cart, thinking it was awfully high up there, when someone ran into me. I turned at the same time that they did, and met a pair of dark green eyes. He was cute. Black hair, a little shorter than me.  
  
“Ah, I’m sorry.” He said as he met my gaze. “I didn’t mean to run into you.”  
  
“Jeez, there you go, running into people again.” His companion said from beside him. He was much taller and had sandy blond hair.  
  
The shorter one sent a quick glare to his companion before looking back at me. “Sorry about that.”  
  
“It’s all good.” I waved it off, smiling. “No worries.”  
  
“He runs into more people than is strictly polite.” Jun said from beside me, and it took me a moment to realize he was gesturing toward me.  
  
“Me?” I raised an eyebrow. “Last I remember, you ran into me. Really hard, I might add.”  
  
Jun sighed softly. “And here I thought it was a romantic encounter.”  
  
“What’s romantic about two people being knocked on their asses in the rain?” I chuckled softly and shook my head. “Not to mention you ran off two minutes afterwards.”  
  
“That doesn’t sound very romantic.” The taller of the two said, a small smirk on his lips.  
  
Jun shook his head and laughed softly. “It really wasn’t.”  
  
“I’m Ritsu.” I said and stuck my hand out to shake the shorter of the two’s hand. “And this is Jun.”  
  
“Oh,” He smiled as he reached for my hand. “I’m Jamie.”  
  
“Kevin.” The taller one said. Jun released my hand to shake his outstretched hand.  
  
“Nice to meet you.” Jun replied with a smile.  
  
“Likewise.” Kevin said with a nod.  
  
“So, are you two in high school?” I asked, glancing between the two. Despite Kevin’s height, they both looked younger than us.  
  
“Yeah, we are.” Jamie confirmed, glancing at Kevin before meeting my gaze again. “Are you college students?”  
  
“I am.” I nodded and gestured to Jun. “He’s got a full-time job.”  
  
“Out of college?” Kevin asked, his eye brows raised. “You don’t look that old.”  
  
“I’m twenty-five, thank you very much.” Jun snorted. “But I didn’t go to college.”  
  
“Oh, what do you do?”  
  
“I’m assistant manager of _Ito Investments_.” He answered, a small smile adorning his lips.  
  
“Nice.” Kevin nodded and then looked between the two of us. “So are you two together?”  
  
Jamie glanced between us like he was worried we were offended by his companion’s bluntness. But I just smiled and exchanged a look with Jun. I answered as I reached for his hand again. “We are.”  
  
“I thought so.” Kevin nodded and glanced down at our linked hands.    
  
“How about you two?” Jun asked as he glanced between the two. “You guys together or friends?”  
  
“We’re…” Jamie started and then shifted on his feet. “Just friends.”  
  
Kevin gave his companion an odd look, but didn’t say anything.  
  
Jun hummed, but didn’t look quite convinced. “I gotcha.”  
  
We were toward the front of the line then, and the operator opened the gate to let people on. I turned back to Kevin and Jamie with a smile. “It was nice to meet you guys.”  
  
“It was nice to meet you, too.” Jamie smiled and waved.  
  
“Nice to meet you.” Jun nodded at Kevin. “I’m glad you don’t think I look old.”  
  
“Even though you are?” Kevin nodded back and smirked. “No problem.”  
  
Jamie elbowed his friend in the side but Kevin just snickered.  
  
“I take it back.” Jun narrowed his eyes at the younger man. “I’m not glad we met.”  
  
Kevin laughed at that. Jun smiled and waved as he pulled me up onto the platform. He pulled me to one of the carts and stopped, gesturing for me to get in first. I did and then sat on the right side. He came in and sat across from me. He met my eyes and smiled. “You think they were just friends?”  
  
“I think they are for now.” I shrugged. “But who knows about later.”  
  
Jun nodded and watched as the operator came and shut the door. “I agree.”  
  
“Enough about them.” I stretched as the ride started moving. “I’m glad we came out today.”  
  
I was having fun. It helped keep my mind off of other things, too. Kept me busy. I needed this sort of distraction.  
  
“Yeah?” His eyes softened. “Me too.”  
  
“Good.” I smiled and glanced down at the ground below. The ride stopped a handful of times to fill up all the carts, but soon enough they were full. The ride was smooth and peaceful. I leaned my head back against the window. “It’s been forever since I’ve ridden one of these.”  
  
“That’s what she said.”  
  
I laughed and shook my head at him. “You’re such a pervert, Jun.”  
  
He shrugged. “Like you’re one to talk.”  
  
“True.” I stood up and took the few steps it took to stand in front of him. I put my hands on his shoulders and leaned down until our faces were only a few inches apart. I smirked as I let the words roll over my tongue. “Mind if I kiss you?”  
  
“Is that even a question?” He snorted as he reached for me. His hand tangled in my hair and pulled me the last few inches to his lips. I tilted my head to the side as our lips met.  
  
Sometimes I forget how soft his lips really are.  
  
I moved forward and straddled his hips. I slipped my tongue past his lips and he met me halfway. He tasted good… Like peppermint. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against him. I hummed against his lips as the sensation of his body against mine rolled over me. He smiled against my lips.  
  
I rolled my hips playfully, unable to keep the smile off my own face.  
  
“Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish.” He growled low as he pulled back, his hand slipping down to grab my ass.  
  
I leaned forward and kissed his neck, leaving a slow trail of kisses up to his ear. “And what if I do intend to finish it?”  
  
He shivered as my breath tickled his ear and his voice was rough as he spoke again. “I’m serious, Ritsu. I will fuck you right here, I don’t give a shit.”  
  
I shuddered as his hand tightened on my ass, threatening to carry out that statement. I thought about the consequences of having public indecency on my record. I tried to give a shit.  
  
But even so, I slipped my hand to the waistband of his jeans. I undid his belt with the ease of much practice and then I popped them open and slid the zipper down. I looked up at him as I slipped off of his lap and onto the floor in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at me but swallowed roughly.  
  
I couldn’t help the smirk on my lips. “Lift your hips.”  
  
He did as he was told and I tugged his jeans down only as much as necessary. I slipped my hand into his boxers and wrapped my fingers around his hard cock. With my other hand, I slid his shirt up his chest and instructed him to hold it. He did.  
  
I freed him from his boxers and gave him a gentle, experimental squeeze. He was bigger than I remembered.  
  
He reached out and ran his fingers through my hair softly and I looked up at him. His blue eyes were hungry with lust. Something about the look he gave me made heat pool in my stomach. He dropped his hand and I licked my lips as I looked back down at the task at hand. I shifted forward to position myself better between his legs and he shifted them apart for me. I leaned forward and licked him bottom to top, swirling my tongue along the tip.  
  
He sucked in a small breath, the assault taking him somewhat by surprise.  
  
I repeated this motion a few times to slick things up. Then, I took the tip into my mouth and ran my tongue along the slit.  
  
“Fuck…” He hummed, tipping his head back against the glass. It occurred to me then, that someone in the cart above us could be getting quite a show right now. It wouldn’t be the first time I gave a blow job with an audience.  
  
I wrapped my lips around my teeth and moved further down his length. I slid down until I felt him hit the back of my throat, and slowly moved back up. I repeated this slowly once, twice, and flicked my tongue over the tip as I came up. I rested my left hand on his hip and pumped what I couldn’t reach with my right.  
  
I picked the pace up and set a rhythm. I alternated between techniques I had learned, things I knew would bring him closer to the edge. As much as I would enjoy drawing this out, carnival rides don’t last forever.  
  
“ _Ritsu.._.” He groaned as he hit the back of my throat. Hearing him say my name like that went straight to my groin. I held myself there for a moment and slowly drew back up before my gag reflex could catch up with me.  
  
I felt his fingers tangle in my hair roughly and I sped my pace up again. I glanced up at him. His face was a mask of pleasure and arousal. His eyes were on mine, and his fingers tightened in my hair as he groaned again.  
  
“Fuck, you are so-“  
  
I didn’t let him finish as I hummed around him, the sensation effectively cutting him off.  
  
I could tell by the way his hand twisted in my hair and how his breathing accelerated that he was close. I sucked hard as I drew up and he shuddered under me. It only took a few more pumps to send him over the edge. I looked up at him as he spoke.  
  
“I’m close, I’m-“  
  
He didn’t finish as his orgasm took him, his hips bucking forward. He hit the back of my throat and I barely suppressed the urge to gag. He shuddered again and his hand tightened in my hair to the point of pain, but I didn’t care. The hot liquid hit the back of my throat, and I didn’t move until I was sure he was done. I swallowed around him and then detached myself, sliding back up with ease. I sighed as I wiped my mouth and sat back on the floor.  
  
I met his gaze as we both tried to catch our breath. He was a mess. His hair was disheveled, but I wasn’t sure if I had done that or if he had. His face was flushed and he was breathing hard. Well, so was I. It was then that I finally gave a thought to my own state. I was painfully hard, my jeans way too tight in this situation. There wasn’t time to do anything about it, though. The ride was coming to an end.  
  
“Damn…” He said, lazily doing his pants back up. “Is that what I’ve been missing all this time?”  
  
I chuckled softly and leaned my head back. “I’m glad it was to your liking.”  
  
He snorted and I looked back at him. “There’s nothing about you that _isn’t_ to my liking.”  
  
I didn’t have a response to that. My cheeks heated up, but thankfully I was already flushed enough that I don’t think it was obvious. But he wasn’t looking for a response as he leaned forward to kiss me. It was soft and short.  
  
There weren’t many guys that would kiss you after you blew them, so I considered myself lucky.  
  
“What are we going to do about that?” He asked, giving a nod toward the bulge in my jeans.  
  
I shrugged. “Nothing. It’ll go away. The ride is almost over.”  
  
His lips turned down at the ends, his discontent with this idea obvious. “But-“  
  
I pecked him on the lips. “It’s fine. You’ll just owe me one.”  
  
He sighed and nodded, his reluctance evident. “If that’s what you want.”  
  
“It is.” I said and stood. I shrugged out of my jacket and tied it around my waist. It worked well enough. “I’d rather not test our chances for getting caught in public.”  
  
“Hey,” He held his hands up. “You came on to me.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “You really put up a fight.”  
  
He chuckled. “You have a point.”  
  
“Yes, I know.” I said as the ride slowed and came to a stop to let off the first two carts. We were next.  
  
“I think this was my favorite ride today.”  
  
I laughed softly and shook my head. “I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t.”  
  
He chuckled softly. The ride started moving again only to stop again shortly, this time to let us out.  
  
“Come on,” I said as the doors were opened for us. “Let’s go ride those other two stupid spinning rides and then go home.”  
  
He smile lit up as he took my hand. “Can we? I was saving the best for last!”  
  
I sighed softly, my stomach rejecting this idea. “That’s _great_.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever. I apologize.

A knock on the door interrupted my morning coffee routine. It was nine in the morning and I was standing in the kitchen wearing shorts and no shirt. Jun was in the shower.   
  
I groaned as I stepped away from the counter, setting my mug back down. I wasn’t expecting company and Jun hadn’t said anything about company either. I walked over to the door and opened it with a small sigh. I don’t know who I was expecting, but it wasn’t him. Though, I guess I should have expected him. I would’ve expected a phone call rather than him showing up at the door, however.   
  
“Hey,” He said with a small smile. “I tried to call but your phone is off.”   
  
“Zin.” I blinked in surprise. I stood there for a moment before I shook my head and stepped back. “Sorry, come in.”   
  
He did, and stepped closer to give me a quick hug, not even giving me time to reciprocate it. He stepped away and I closed the door behind him. I turned to look at him and he gave me a small smile. “I heard from Ran…”   
  
I nodded, having already figured as much. I gestured to the doorway in front of us. “Go on into the living room. You want coffee?”  
  
“Okay.” Then he nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great.”   
  
I watched him wander into the living room before I stepped off toward the kitchen. I grabbed an extra mug from the cabinet and poured coffee into it. I grabbed the cream from the fridge and stuck in under my arm. Grabbing the two mugs, I walked back into the living room.   
  
“I wasn’t sure if you liked yours black or not, so I brought the cream.” I said as I set the mugs and cream down. I slid his toward him and then sat down myself.   
  
“Thanks.” He said softly. He picked up the cream and poured some into his coffee. I watched absently as the cream swirled and turned the dark liquid a tan color.   
  
“You’re welcome.” I muttered, lifting my mug to my lips. “So where’s Hibiki today?”  
  
“Working.” He answered. “He wanted to come but… I sort of wanted to come alone.”   
  
I grimaced as the hot liquid burned my tongue. “I see. It’s pretty rare to see you guys apart these days.” I smiled. “You’re practically attached at the hip.”  
  
This got me a faint smile. “I know. He’s really… He’s just really..”   
  
“Perfect?” I finished for him, knowing the feeling a little too well.   
  
“Yes.” He chuckled. “He is perfect.”  
  
“You guys are too cute.” I lifted my mug to my lips again, not caring that it burned my mouth.   
  
“Hey babe, have you seen my-“    
  
I glanced over the back of the couch to see Jun standing with a towel around his waist. He was otherwise naked and water dripped down his chest and arms. He was too attractive for his own good.   
  
He cleared his throat and glanced between Zin and I from where he stood. “I didn’t know we were expecting company.”   
  
“I came unannounced.” Zin replied before I had the chance to. “Sorry, Ritsu didn’t answer his phone and I…”  
  
Jun held his hand up and Zin stopped. “I don’t mind. It’s Zin, right? We’ve met before.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s right. I remember you.” Zin nodded.   
  
“So what are you looking for?” I asked, leaning my chin against the back of the couch.  
  
“Oh, right. Have you seen my phone? I need to call my dad but I can’t find it.” He ran a hand through his wet hair.   
  
I pursed my lips as I thought for a moment. “I saw it in the kitchen… I think.”  
  
“I’ll check.” He said with a nod. He left the room and headed toward the kitchen.   
  
I turned back to Zin. He was smiling as he met my gaze.   
  
“Who would have guessed you two would get together.” He said, taking a sip from his coffee. “But you could tell he had a thing for you when you still worked at the shop.”  
  
I just smiled. I had known Jun had liked me back then, but I didn’t know he was serious. He was playful and fun, but he’d never hinted toward anything else. It might have had something to do with my job and him not wanted to get too involved in it. He was legitimate and had a reputation to uphold, after all. He had never hinted toward anything more until after I had quit.   
  
His phone buzzed in his lap. He read the message and then replied to it quickly. “Sorry,” He said, glancing up at me. “It’s Hibiki.”  
  
I shrugged. “You’re fine. Tell him I said hi.”   
  
He nodded, typed out a few more things and then set his phone down. He glanced up at me again with a smile. “He really wanted to come today.”  
  
“Why didn’t you let him?” I couldn’t help but ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.   
  
“I thought this conversation… would be easier to have without him here.” He shrugged a shoulder, his eyes downcast.   
  
“Easier for me? Or for you?”  
  
“For me.” He answered easily, his eyes raising to meet mine. “There are some things that are hard for me to say with him present. I don’t want him to worry about me anymore than he already does.”  
  
“I know what you mean.” I nodded. Sometimes saying things to people who loved you was harder than telling those things to complete strangers.   
  
Jun came back in then, fully clothed this time. He was on the phone and attempting to button his shirt with one hand. He walked over to the couch and pulled the phone far enough that the receiver couldn’t pick up his voice. “I have to go to the office. I’ll be back in about an hour.”  
  
“Okay.” I stood up and reached out to help him with the last three buttons. “Everything okay?”  
  
He nodded, glancing down at my hands. “Yeah, thanks.”  
  
I hummed as I stepped back.   
  
He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon.” He looked over my shoulder. “It was good to see you, Zin.”   
  
“It was nice to see you, too.” Zin smiled and waved.   
  
He nodded and then stepped back, pulling the phone back to his ear. He turned back toward the door. “No, yeah, I’m still here.”  
  
He disappeared into the kitchen and it was only a few moments before I heard the front door open and close behind him. I sighed softly as I plopped back onto the couch.   
  
“How are you, Ritsu? Really?” Zin asked. His smile was replaced by a look of concern. “And don’t just tell me you’re fine.”  
  
“I am fine though.” I replied evenly, staring down at the dark liquid in my mug. “I’m dealing with it.”   
  
“No, you’re not fine.” He said through a sigh. “There’s no way you can be fine. It’s been months since he… attacked me, and I’m still dealing with it. I know it’s been worse for you. And to know that he’s still out there…  I can only imagine how you feel.”  
  
I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want to think about him. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to talk about it. Zin knew what Zelch was like. He knew, he’d been there. I didn’t feel like I could talk to Jun about it. Not because I didn’t trust him, or I didn’t want to. I did want to. I just… I didn’t know how. I didn’t want him to worry about me anymore than he already was. He never brought it up and I knew it was because he didn’t want to push me into talking about it until I was ready.   
  
“It is pretty horrifying, honestly…” I said with a faint sigh. “I never know where he’ll be.”   
  
He nodded and reached out to squeeze my arm. “I know. I’m sorry.”   
  
“Sometimes I feel like he’s watching me. I’m paranoid and I’m afraid.” I swallowed down the lump that rose in my throat. “I hear his voice in my head. I feel him, I fucking feel his hands on me and I just-“  
  
I stopped as my voice broke. I didn’t want to think about this. But I knew that if I kept burying it that it would break me later. And I wasn’t so sure I could put myself back together.   
  
Zin scooted closer and took my coffee cup out of my hand. Then he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay to cry, you know.”   
  
“That’s not really helping me keep it together.”   
  
He pulled back and gave me a small smile. “But you’ll feel better.”   
  
That was probably true.   
  
“You know what the worst part is?” I said, meeting his eyes again. “That he’s doing this for literally no reason. At least not a reason that makes any sense.”  
  
“What did he say?  
  
“He said that I acted like I was better than him.” I frowned at the memory, trying to remember his exact wording. “He kept referring to whores and how we act like we’re better. It didn’t make any sense.” I paused for a moment and then shook my head. “I just… I want to know. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?”  
  
Zin’s mouth turned down at the ends. “He’s crazy, Ritsu. That’s just all there is to it. There’s probably no real reason as to why he’s doing this.”  
  
I nodded, my throat tight. I breathed out a sigh. “I’m sure you’re right. And I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”   
  
“I know. I wish… I wish we could go to the police.”   
  
“Me too.” My voice cracked unpleasantly. “I’m tired of being afraid.”  
  
I wanted to go to the police. If it was just me that Zelch would take down with him, I would. But I was afraid he’d take all of us down. He’d seen everyone at the shops faces. Renji, Zin, Hibiki, Ran. It wouldn’t take too much digging for the police to uncover that Renji hadn’t been running a legitimate business. From the outside, it was a club. But enough people knew about it that it wouldn’t be that hard to discover what was actually going on there, if someone actually looked.   
  
And then there was Jun. Zelch had most likely been watching me enough to know where I lived now. Jun had his whole future ahead of him. He was going to take over his father’s business. If things went south and it got out that we had all been working out of an escort shop… Just being associated with me could hurt his reputation. I couldn’t tarnish his name.   
  
“I know. It took me a while to… be okay. Knowing he’s still out there made it harder. I would never have been able to do it without Hibiki.” Zin said with a shake of his head.   
  
I hated that Zelch went after Zin. Zin was too kind. Too soft hearted.   
  
“I think I know how you feel.” I said softly. “I feel like Jun is the only reason I’m still sane.”  
  
It was true. I don’t think I could do this without Jun. He was so steady, so kind. He made me feel secure. When I was with him, I felt safe. I didn’t feel like I needed to look over my shoulder all the time.   
  
Zin reached over a squeezed my hand, a smile pulling at his lips softly. “I’m glad you have him. He seems like a good guy.”  
  
“He is.”   
  
He was more than good. He was great. He was more than I would ever deserve.   
  
“Good.” He pulled his hand away. “Listen, if you ever want to talk about this, you can always call me. Night or day, it doesn’t matter. I know how it is. I know how _he_ is. And I know that it’s hard to talk about this with certain people. So don’t hesitate to call, okay?”  
  
I nodded. “I will. Thanks, Zin.”   
  
“Of course.” He leaned forward and picked his mug up.   
  
I was glad he came. I felt better having talked about it, even if I only scraped the surface. I knew I was going to have to deal with it. It helped knowing I could call Zin. He understood. That made it easier. I didn’t feel quite so much like I was burdening him.   
  
“Feel better?” He asked, glancing sideways at me.   
  
I smiled softly. “Yeah, I do. Thanks.”   
  
He shrugged. “That’s what friends are for. I know you’d do the same for me.”   
  
I just nodded. I would. In a heartbeat.   
  
We drifted into silence for a few minutes. I picked up my coffee and sipped from it. Zin picked up the remote and turned the TV on. He absently flipped through channels for a minute before leaving it on some crime show.   
  
“So, I’m assuming you met Ran’s new boyfriend?” Zin asked, glancing sideways at me.   
  
I nodded, a smile curling my lips. “I knew Sion before Ran did, actually. They met through me.”   
  
Well, Nanase and I.   
  
“Ohh, okay. He seems a little…” Zin paused, searching for the right words. “Tame, for Ran’s taste.”   
  
I laughed softly. “Yeah, he is. He’s loosened up a lot since he met Ran.”  
  
Zin shrugged. “As long as Ran’s happy. Which he seems to be.”  
  
“He does.” I nodded. “How did you meet Sion?”  
  
“Ran called us yesterday and said he was coming over.” He raised his mug to his lips. “He had Sion in tow.”  
  
“I see.” I smiled. “He drags Sion everywhere with him.”  
  
“That pretty much describes Ran.”  
  
That was very true. “So it does.”   
  
“Remember when he took us to that club and then abandoned us an hour into it?” Zin snorted. “He’s such a little shit.”  
  
“Yeah, I remember that.” I chuckled at the memory. “Ran has always been a little shit.”  
  
“Yes, he has. He has gotten you into all kinds of interesting situations.” Zin smiled at whatever memory came to mind. I could only imagine which one.  
  
I groaned. “I know. He’s so persistent, no one can say no to him.”  
  
“And he knows it, too.”   
  
“Yes, he does.” I shook my head. “He uses it to his advantage. Frequently.”   
  
“He does. I’ve never had a hangover as bad as when I party with him.” He grimaced.   
  
“Gods, neither have I.” I could recall far too many times where I had woken up with a splitting headache.   
  
“It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.”  
  
I chuckled and agreed. Ran was a riot. If he wasn’t so much damn fun, the hangovers wouldn’t be worth it.   
  
I sighed softly as I focused on the TV show. I didn’t know the name of it, but I could recall sitting through an episode here or there. Probably with Nanase. She was into the crime shows. She’s probably seen every episode of CSI at least twice.   
  
I glanced at Zin over the rim of my mug. I was grateful to him. He was right. I couldn’t let this fester under the surface. I did need to talk about it. I was glad he had come, or I probably would’ve just continued to bury it. It was so like him to come here, make me talk about it and then distract me with fond memories. It was so like him. I’m sure Hibiki did the same to him, and knowing how much it helped, he decided to do the same to me. Hibiki seemed like the type that would force him to talk about it. They seemed good together.   
  
That made me think of something I had always been curious about, but had never asked. I looked over at Zin again. “Can I ask you a question?”  
  
He nodded without taking his eyes off of the TV. “Shoot.”   
  
“How long were you and Hibiki together before you guys quit?” I asked, eyeing him. I had always been curious. I could tell that they had a thing for each other, but I realized I didn’t actually know how long they’d been together.   
  
Zin glanced at me then, slightly surprised by the question. Then he sighed, a small smile pulling at his lips. “A couple months.”  
  
“Really?” I was surprised they’d been together that long before they finally quit. “How did you do it?”  
  
“The sharing, you mean?” He asked, shaking his head. “I don’t know. It was hard. We should’ve just quit, but we didn’t have anything lined up. We came to an agreement about it, that until something that paid better came along, we would stay.”   
  
“Wow. I can’t say I’ve been there exactly, but I know sharing is hard.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe you two made it out of that.”  
  
I know Masashi and I sure didn’t.   
  
His smile was somehow sad as he looked at me. “Like I said, it wasn’t easy. Sharing your partner with lord knows how many other men.” He sighed softly, glancing back at the TV. “But we did it. And after the whole thing with Zelch… it was the wake up call we needed, however unfortunate it was.”   
  
I nodded. I couldn’t really imagine sharing with that many people, practically everyday. I’d only been sharing with one person, and I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t imagine how they were able to stick together through that for several months. Especially with how possessive Hibiki was of Zin. I had a feeling their job had amplified that part of his personality. Zin was lucky he let him out of his site anymore. “Do you regret it? Not quitting sooner?”   
  
He lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. “Somewhat. I regret it to some extent. It would’ve saved us both some pain. There’s a part of me that doesn’t, though. I still made some good memories, and the five of us had a lot of fun. The job didn’t make me love him any less.”  
  
I smiled at the expression on his face. He loved Hibiki, and you could see it written plainly on his face. I don’t know if I even knew two people more in love. Except maybe Masashi’s parents. “We did make some good memories. I met you guys because of that job. That’s why I don’t regret it.”   
  
He looked at me again, his expression thoughtful. “Yeah? I’m glad to hear that you don’t regret it. It’s definitely not easy, and none of us are exactly proud of it. But I’m glad it’s not something you regret.”   
  
He was right. I wasn’t proud of it. There wasn’t anything about it that I could be proud of. I made great money, so what? In return I’ve slept with more guys than I could count. But even so, I didn’t regret it.   
  
“You would’ve never met Hibiki.” I realized. “And I would’ve never met Jun.”  
  
Zin shook his head. “Crazy, isn’t it? You would’ve never met Ran, and Ran wouldn’t have met Sion.”  
  
“That is crazy.” I snorted, trying to imagine what my life would be like if I’d never become an escort. “I can’t picture it.”   
  
“A lot of bad things wouldn’t have happened, too. Zelch, for instance.” Zin said. “But all the goods things that have come about in my life because of Hibiki… This sort of happiness.. It wouldn’t have happened.”   
  
“Well,” I said with a smile. I held my mug up. “Here’s to being a slut and loving the consequences.”   
  
He laughed as he clinked cups with me. “I’ll drink to that.”  
  
Zin stayed and chatted with me for another twenty minutes or so, and then he left. He hugged me and told me to call anytime, day or night, if I needed to talk. We promised to get together again soon, with everyone next time.   
  
After I closed and locked the door behind him, I smiled softly. It had been a long time since just Zin and I had done anything together. It was nice.   
  
I took a shower after that, and then made more coffee. I didn’t have to go to school or work today, thankfully. I had tests coming up, though. So I resigned myself to studying until Jun got back. He was late, but I didn’t worry about it. He most likely just got held up at the office.   
  
Just as I sat down in front of the coffee table with my textbooks, there was a knock at the fucking door. With an exasperated sigh, I stood back up and made my way to the door. Maybe Zin forgot something.   
  
But it wasn’t Zin. I blinked at the stranger standing outside the doorway. He was holding a bouquet.   
  
“Umm…” He smiled politely at me and then looked down at his sheet. “Is there a Ritsu here?”  
  
“Uh, yeah.” I said, confused. “That’d be me.”   
  
“Oh, perfect.” He said, holding the arrangement of flowers out to me. “These are addressed to you.”   
  
“Oh, um, thanks.” I mumbled out. I awkwardly took them from him.   
  
“Here,” He ruffled around in a bag that was draped over his shoulders. “This card goes with it.”   
  
I took it from him, thanked him, and closed the door. I took the neatly arranged flowers into the kitchen and set them on the counter. The flowers were cute, and looked more like something you’d buy as an accessory to a dining room table than a romantic gift. I had absolutely no clue who they could be from. None of the guesses in my head made sense. Jun seemed more like a rose kind of guy. Masashi wouldn’t do this, plus he didn’t know where I was staying.   
  
I skipped the guessing game in favor of tearing open the envelope. The card was plain white with a black border. The words ‘…to a friend.’ were written across it in cursive. I opened it. It read:  
  
“ _Ritsu, I hope you are doing well. I wanted to contact you sooner, but I wasn’t sure if you would want me to. I figured this would have to do. The flowers are a sort of ‘get well’ gift, so to speak. I hope we run into each other again sometime, hopefully under better circumstances._ ”  
  
It was signed “ _Tanaka, the annoying therapist_ ”  
  
I couldn’t help the smile that drifted over my face. This was something Tanaka would do. He was so thoughtful. I should’ve called him sooner to tell him I was okay. He seemed like the type to worry, even about someone like me, someone he hardly knew. I would have to remember to call him soon. And at least let him know I was still breathing and some psycho rapist hadn’t killed me yet.   
  
I left the flowers on the counter and headed back to my textbooks. I set the card down on the floor next to me and got back to work. My mind wasn’t in it, though. My thoughts kept drifting. It really was crazy to think that I wouldn’t have met Jun if I hadn’t been an escort. I couldn’t imagine what I would have been doing these past couple of weeks if he hadn’t been around. I really felt like he was keeping me together. And not just with the thing with Zelch. Before that, too. My feelings for Masashi. He made their presence seem less important. He made it less painful. And my father. He was there for me after what happened at the hospital.  
  
I want to be there for him like he has been for me.   
  
I don’t know how long I stayed there thinking about this, probably no longer than twenty minutes, but I certainly didn’t get any studying done. I heard the door unlock and open. I was only a moment later that Jun appeared in the doorway to the living room.   
  
“Welcome back.” I said with a smile.   
  
“Thanks.” He smiled as he entered the room. “Sorry I’m so late.”  
  
I shook my head. “It’s okay. Zin didn’t leave that long ago.”  
  
He nodded. He absently popped open the first three buttons on his shirt. His eyes landed on me. “How did that go?”  
  
“It was good.” I said. “It was really good, actually.”  
  
“Good.” He moved over and sat on the couch behind me. He pulled on my shoulders until I leaned back against his legs, then he wrapped his arms around my neck. “I’m glad.”   
  
I hummed my contentment. “Everything go okay?”  
  
“Yeah, it was fine.” He sighed softly. “Who are the flowers from?”  
  
“Oh, those are from Tanaka.” I answered, a smile curling my lips.   
  
“Tanaka?” I could practically hear the frown in his voice. “Why does that sound familiar?”  
  
“He’s the one that chased Zelch off.” I said, my voice sounding a lot lighter than the words felt leaving my tongue.  
  
“Oh, right.” He murmured. His arms tightened around me. “And do I need to be worried about Tanaka’s intentions?”  
  
“No, you don’t have to worry about him.” I chuckled and shook my head. I pulled out of his arms and turned around to climb into his lap. “We’re just friends.”   
  
He leaned back as I advanced. He smiled. “Okay, then. Good.”  
  
I returned his smile and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Do you want to read the card?”  
  
“No.” He shook his head. “I trust you.”  
  
I just kept smiling and leaned in to kiss him. His hands settled on my hips as he tilted his head to the side. I drifted my fingers through his soft hair, lazily kneading my lips against his.   
  
He pulled back after a moment, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “I need to talk to you about something.”  
  
“Okay.” I murmured, my hands falling to his shoulders. “What is it?”  
  
“I want to talk to you about Zelch.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just leave this here.

  
  
“I want to talk to you about Zelch.”  
  
His expression was serious, and there was a hint of uncertainty hiding under the surface.  
  
I leaned back a bit, slightly surprised by this change in subject. Jun had rarely brought Zelch up over the past few weeks, probably to avoid upsetting me. I had always figured he would wait until I brought it up, so I was surprised now that he was bringing it up first.   
  
I gave a slow nod and got off of his lap, deciding to sit on the coffee table just behind me. “Okay.”  
  
He leaned forward with a sigh and took my hands in his. “Just… Hear me out, okay? I don’t want to upset you, but I didn’t want to do nothing, either.”  
  
I swallowed and nodded. I had absolutely no idea where this was going.   
  
“Okay, so today I didn’t actually go to the office for work. I did go to the office, to speak to my father.” He paused for a split second. “About Zelch.”  
  
I tensed and tried to pull back, but his grip tightened on my hands and he didn’t let go.   
  
“You-“  
  
“Just listen to me, okay?” He interrupted me. His grip loosened when he was sure I wasn’t going to pull away. “My father knows people. He can help. That’s what I went to talk to him about.”   
  
“How?” I said quickly, my unease flowing straight out of my mouth. “How can he help? What all did you tell him?”  
  
“I just told him the basics. Just what he needed to know to get the gist of it.”  
  
I didn’t respond. I was trying not to feel upset about it, I really was. But what would his father think of me? This wasn’t exactly the best way to make a good first impression. Surely no father wanted their son with someone who use to be a whore. I was just a struggling college student with nothing to offer Jun. I was practically broke.  
  
Fuck, he’d probably just think I was with Jun for the money.   
  
“You’re upset.”   
  
It was a statement, not a question. His lips were turned down at the ends, his brow furrowed slightly in what could only be  concern.   
  
“I’m not.”  
  
“You are.” He refuted. “It’s written all over your face.”  
  
“Just-“ I paused and blew out a rough breath. “What did he say?”  
  
He didn’t look like he wanted to let that go, but then he sighed. “He said he has someone he thinks can help us. To at least identify him. If we can identify him, we can see if he has any warrants out for his arrest. If he does, all we have to do is find him. You only have to do one thing, and then the rest you don’t have to get involved in. No one will ever know.”  
  
I swallowed, wondering if that sounded too good to be true. “And? What is it that I have to do?”  
  
“You just have to describe him to a sketch artist.” He said softly, giving my hands a gentle squeeze.   
  
That was something I could do.   
  
“But what if he doesn’t have any warrants?” I shook my head. “What if they can’t even identify him?”  
  
I knew that if I took their help, I would hope. I would hope that they could identify him. I would hope that this could be solved. I wasn’t sure I could handle if that hope was crushed.   
  
“Let them worry about that.” He said, his eyes pleading. “It’s better than doing nothing, right?”  
  
I pulled my hands away and he let me. I reached up to rub my temples and sighed. He was right. It was better than doing nothing. It was a possible way out of this.   
  
“What if _he_ brings me into this?” I said, voicing my truest doubts. “What if he brings in the guys? Ran? Zin and Hibiki? What if he finds out we’re looking for him and he attacks one of them? I don’t think I can take that, Jun. I don’t-“  
  
“Who’s to say he won’t do that anyway? What’s to stop him from attacking one of them to get to you anyway?”   
  
I fell silent then. He was right. I knew he was.   
  
“I’m just… I’m afraid of doing anything to further invoke his wrath, Jun.” I said quietly. My voice wavered slightly.   
  
“I know, Ritsu. I know, but-“  
  
“But,” I interrupted him. I met his blue gaze. “I’m just as afraid to do nothing.”  
  
He blinked once and held my stare. There was hope in his blue eyes. “You’ll do it?”  
  
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. I nodded.   
  
“I’ll do it.”   
  
The breath that escaped him sounded like relief. It was matched with the smile the spread across his face. He reached for my hands again and pulled. “Come here.”   
  
I did. I crawled back into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. I sighed, my breath tickling his neck.   
  
“Are you upset with me?” He asked softly, linking his hands around my waist.   
  
“No.” I said and meant it. I wasn’t upset with him at all. “You’re just trying to help.”  
  
“Are you upset in general?”  
  
I shrugged faintly. “Probably.”  
  
He pulled me back to look at me. “Tell me.”   
  
“Just…” I swallowed. “What will your father think of me after this?”  
  
I don’t think he expected me to say that. He tapped my chin until I looked him in the eye. He raised an eyebrow. “You’re concerned about what my father will think?”  
  
“Well, yeah.” I frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
He chuckled, which only made my frown deepen. “Of all things, that’s what you’re concerned about right now?”  
  
“I know that what your father thinks is important to you, Jun. So of course I’m concerned about it.”   
  
“Well, you don’t need to be.” He said, an easy smile settling on his face. “My father isn’t one to judge. As long as you make me happy, he doesn’t care about the particulars.”  
  
I would be lying if I said that didn’t make me feel relieved. “And? Do I?”  
  
“Make me happy?” His smile softened. He reached forward and brushed my hair out of my face. “Everyday, Ritsu.”   
  
I couldn’t help but smile. “Well, that’s good.”   
  
“It’s better than good.” He said, slipping his hand into my hair. He pulled me forward and kissed me. He kissed me slowly at first, taking his time, his fingers threading softly through my hair.   
  
I hummed into the kissed and flicked my tongue across his lips. That was all the invitation he needed.   
  
He tilted his head and his tongue danced across my lips, seeking entrance that I granted quickly. I met him halfway, our tongues fighting for dominance that he always won.   
  
I slipped my hands from his shoulders and started deftly undoing the buttons on his shirt. Once I popped open the last button, I ran my hands up his chest, running my fingers over his smooth muscles. He had an amazing body.   
  
I felt him smile a second before he pulled back. I opened my eyes and met his blue ones. I returned his smile but didn’t stop the movement my hands were making on his chest.   
  
“If you keep doing that I’m going to have to respond in kind.” He said, his lips slipping down into a smirk. The type of smirk that made my stomach flip.   
  
I hummed again, having no intention to stop. “Why do you think I’m doing it?”  
  
He narrowed his eyes a second before his hand slipped from my waist to cup my ass. His voice dropped a notch, and I had to suppress a shiver. “I’m serious, Ritsu.”  
  
I leaned forward and kissed him, slipping my tongue back into his mouth instead of responding. I slipped his shirt over his shoulders and he leaned forward to make it easier. I slid it down his arms and tugged it off his hands. Once his hands were free of his shirt, he promptly helped me out of my own. I broke the kiss and lifted my arms to make it easy for him to slide it over my head. He tossed it somewhere behind me a second before his lips were back on mine. His hands set to exploring my upper body, feeling their way along my skin in a way that made me shudder under them.   
  
I slipped a hand into his soft blond hair, threading the locks softly through my fingers before I yanked on a handful. I smirked.   
  
He made a noise in the back of his throat and pulled away, catching my bottom lip in his teeth as he did. I couldn’t suppress the shiver that ran up my spine. He gave me a knowing grin before he moved on and started peppering kisses down my neck.   
  
“You don’t play very fair, do you?” I said softly as I tilted my head to give him better access.   
  
I felt him smile against my skin. “What would be the fun in that?”  
  
I snorted. “You do have a point.”   
  
“I know.” He said in between the kisses he was trailing along my shoulder now. “But then again, you don’t exactly play fair either.”   
  
“Well, I suppose that’s true.”   
  
He leaned back to look at me, simultaneously reaching down to give my ass an experimental squeeze. “If you want to stop, you had better tell me now.”  
  
I reached forward and tapped his lips with my index finger as my lips slipped into a smirk. “If you stop now, I’ll be nothing but disappointed.”   
  
“Good answer.”   
  
He wrapped an arm around my waist and another around my thigh as he stood up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and slid my arms around his neck. I left a slow trail of kisses down his neck as he walked us to his bedroom. He paused to turn the doorknob and he fumbled with it for a second, uttering a curse under his breath. I chuckled softly against his skin, but I didn’t get a chance to poke fun at him as he swung the door open. A second later, I was being tossed into the center of his bed. I hit the mattress lightly and I blinked up at him. He ran a hand through his blond hair as he glinted down at me with desire filled eyes.   
  
God, he was gorgeous.   
  
He undid the button to his pants slowly, almost as if he was putting on a show. I gazed at him hungrily, feeling the familiar heat pool in my lower stomach.   
  
“Take your pants off.” He said, his voice a low command.   
  
I swallowed and moved to comply. I hooked my thumbs under the waistband of my sweats and lifting my hips, I slid them down along with my underwear. He reached forward and pulled them the rest of the way off, discarding them somewhere on the floor.   
  
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Your turn.”  
  
He smiled as he tugged them down, exposing the rest of his perfect body.   
  
I took a deep breath as I let my eyes roam over him. My heart was beating fast enough that I wouldn’t doubt it if he could hear it.   
  
He moved forward and crawled onto the bed. I spread my legs to accommodate him, further exposing myself. He slid his hands up my legs and leaned forward to press a kiss to the inside of my knee. He smiled as he inched forward again, until he was hovering over me. He leaned down to kissed me softly.   
  
I rested one of my hands on his bare hip and rubbed circles there with my thumb. He broke the kiss off after a few moments, and trailed kisses down my jaw and neck. He inched backwards, trailing kisses down my body as he went. I shivered as he nipped at my skin here and there, until he stopped at my hip.   
  
He looked up at me through his long eyelashes. “You have a perfect body, Ritsu.”  
  
I averted my gaze as heat flooded my cheeks.   
  
I heard him chuckle softly. “And I love the way you react when I compliment you. It’s cute.”  
  
I moved my hand to cover my eyes. “It’s not cute.”  
  
“It is. Everything about you is. Like the way you glare at the coffee pot as it slowly, slowly fills…” His weight shifted. “Or how you get this little smile on your face before you say something you think is funny.”  
  
“Stop being so perceptive all th- ah!”  
  
He cut me off by running his tongue up the side of my cock. I opened my eyes and leaned up on my elbows to look at him. He grinned at me as he took my length in his hand, giving it a few slow stroke. I shivered at the sensation. I bit my lip as he licked hilt to tip again, and swirled his tongue around the tip.   
  
He glanced at me and then took the tip into his mouth. I moaned as the wet heat engulfed me, and shuddered as he moved further down. He pumped up and down a few times, taking me a little deeper each time. He shifted, and then his eyes were on mine as his lips slid up and down my cock.   
  
It was possibly the most erotic thing I had ever seen.   
  
I bit my lip in an attempt to stifle the noises that threatened to leak out of me, that he seemed determined to force out of me. I broke eye contact when I felt myself hit the back of his throat, and he dived down to take all of me into his mouth.   
  
“F-Fuck…” I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut. I held the sheets in tight fists as he repeated this action, the tight heat of his throat throwing any coherent thoughts I was having right out the door.   
  
I opened my eyes and looked at him again, trying to burn the sight of his mouth around my cock into my memory. I was going to be seeing this sight every time I closed my eyes for weeks. I shifted my weight and reached to run my fingers through his soft hair. This was something I’d always wanted to do, but never had the opportunity to try. He moaned softly as I tightened my grip in his hair and I shuddered as the sensation vibrated up my length.   
  
I could feel the all too familiar heat pooling in my stomach. If he kept this up I wasn’t going to last.   
  
“If you want this to keep goin- fuck. You should stop.” I said breathlessly. I tugged softly on his hair, and as he glanced up at me, he slowed his pace before detaching himself completely. He sat back on his heels and licked his lips. I burned the image of how he looked right then into my mind as well.   
  
He reached up and wiped the saliva off his mouth with the back of his hand. His breathing was as quick as mine, and his eyes were dark with lust. He looked unbelievably erotic.   
  
“You are really, really fucking sexy.” I said, loosening my grip on the sheets. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding onto them like they were a lifeline.   
  
His lips twitched up into a smile. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”   
  
I grunted softly, letting my eyes slide back down his body.   
  
“There’s lube in the top drawer of that nightstand.” He said, pointing to the one on his side of the bed.   
  
I nodded and leaned over there, pulling the drawer open and fishing around for the little bottle. Once I had it I slid back onto my back, not bothering to close the drawer. He took it from me.  
  
I chewed on the inside of my cheek in anticipation, shifting my legs wider to give him better access. I glanced up at him as he popped the cap open. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and I realized I actually felt nervous. I guess I still wasn’t use to sleeping with people I actually cared about. I blew out a long breath and he glanced up at me questioningly. I gave a small smile. “Should I feel this nervous?”  
  
He blinked at me in surprised before he just smiled. “Give me your hand.”  
  
I did, and he placed it on his chest, over his heart. It was beating every bit as fast as mine. I glanced up at him.   
  
“I’m am, too.” He said softly, releasing my hand.   
  
I smiled as I dropped my hand back onto the sheets. I was glad to know I wasn’t the only one. “What are we, teenagers?”  
  
He chuckled and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth. “No. We’re just human.”  
  
I hummed softly. “That’s a pretty good answer.”  
  
“I know.” He smirked as he poured some of the lube over his fingers. He capped it again and tossed it to the side. He set his other hand on my knee before glancing up at me. When I nodded, he reached his lubed hand between us. He circled my entrance once, smearing the lube a bit. Then he slipped one finger in down to the knuckle.   
  
I let out a soft breath as I focused on the sensation of his single digit. He curled the finger several times and moved it in and out, stretching that first ring of muscle. After a few moments he added a second finger, pumping them a few times before he started scissoring them.   
  
I hummed softly at the familiar burning sensation. It burned more than usual, but I wasn’t surprised. I hadn’t had sex in quite a while. The last time was with Masashi and that felt like forever ago…   
  
He cut that train of thought off when he curled his fingers and hit my prostate. My hips bucked up involuntary and I moaned, pleasure coursing through my body.   
  
He grinned as he kissed the inside of my knee again. “Found it.”   
  
“Add another.” I breathed out, my voice sounding hoarse with arousal.   
  
He scissored his fingers several times before he complied, slipping in a third finger with ease. At the same time he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I rested my hand on his forearm as I kissed him back hungrily. He easily found my prostate again, curling his fingers into the spot and forcing a shudder through my body.   
  
I pulled back after a moment, panting for breath as he fucked me with his fingers. I met his gaze and nodded. “It’s enough.”  
  
He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before he pulled back. He slipped his fingers out of me and then met my gaze. “Condom?”  
  
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter either way.”  
  
“Then if you don’t care, we’ll go without.” He said as he reached for the lube again.   
  
“Works for me.” I murmured. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d went without a condom. As an escort, it wouldn’t have exactly been smart for me to not use one. Some guys would pay extra to go bare, but unless I was broke, I pretty much always turned them down. It just wasn’t smart. But when you were together with someone, using one wasn’t necessary.   
  
He poured more lube into his hand and coated his length in it, before wiping the lube on the sheets. He grimaced. “Remind me to wash these later.”   
  
I chuckled at the expression on his face. “Hey, Jun, don’t forget t-“  
  
“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean right _now_.”  
  
I would have given a retort, but he was positioning himself at my entrance and it no longer seemed important. He eased the head of his cock in and a soft shiver coursed through his body. I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted my hips before I forced him the rest of the way in.   
  
He quickly moved his hand out from in-between us and set it beside me. He moaned hoarsely, closing his eyes as a shudder ran through him. “ _Jesus_ , Ritsu.”   
  
I chuckled despite how breathless I was. My breaths came quick as I felt the burn of not having been stretched for some time. And Jun was in no way, shape or form, small. “My bad.”  
  
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He groaned softly. “You sure we prepped enough?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I nodded and let my legs fall away from his waist, before rolling my hips slowly. “Just give me a sec.”   
  
He nodded and his grip tightened on the sheets beside me as I wiggled my hips back and forth slowly. I let out a deep breath and then nodded, meeting his gaze for a moment. He shifted his weight back and set his hands on my knees before slowly pulling out and pushing back in. He repeated this a couple times until he felt I was prepared enough, and then he slowly picked up the pace.   
  
It felt good. It felt _really_ good. He rolled his hips in such a way that there was no doubt that he knew what he was doing. He was one of those terribly perceptive lovers, and when I shifted my hips for a better angle, he adjusted to accommodate me.   
  
He lifted my left leg up and rested it on his shoulder before he slammed forward hard enough to inch me back on the bed. As he did, he brushed against my prostate and I yelped, a jolt of pleasure running through me. Evidently, that’s what he was looking for, because he adjusted again and the next thrust slammed into my sweet spot.   
  
“ _Yes_ , there!” I sputtered for a moment, words leaving my mouth before I could sanction them.   
  
“Right here?” Jun said teasingly a second before he thrust into that spot again.   
  
My body arched against the assault, and the sweet, sweet pleasure that shot through me each time he hit that spot. I nodded vigorously, not trusting any words I tried to speak to be coherent. I met his piercing blue gaze and saw the smirk that danced over his lips. God, he was such a little shit.   
  
He took my leg off his shoulder and leaned forward to set his hands on either side of me. I spread my legs further to make it easier as he rolled his hips experimentally for a moment. It only took him a second to regain his grounding before he started thrusting quickly again. It took him even less time to find that spot that made me into a sputtering mess, too.  
  
“Fuck, Jun, _fuck_.” My voice came out somewhere between a moan and a whine as I reached between us and started pumping my cock in time with his thrusts. I could feel the familiar heat pool in my stomach and the intensity of my pleasure grow as I grew closer to climaxing.   
  
My breaths came in quick pants and there was a sheen of sweat coating the both of us.   
  
“Ritsu, _mmh_ , I’m gonna-“ He cut himself off with a curse and a rough shudder ran through him. He slammed into my prostate as he came, his muscles tensing as his orgasm took him.   
  
His last thrust threw me over the edge, my back arching off the bed as I came, an incoherent string of words leaving my mouth. Pleasure racked my body in unforgiving waves, and it felt like every time I tried to get back up, it knocked me down.   
  
All that pent up stress felt like it was released as a pleasureful numb feeling settled over my senses. We remained as we were for several minutes, just focusing on getting our breathing back under control. His forehead was resting on my shoulder, and I started absently drifting my fingers through his hair. We had a habit of doing this to one another, and I’m not sure who was more soothed by it.   
  
“Why didn’t we do this weeks ago?” I said, breaking the silence.   
  
He chuckled, his breath tickling my hot skin. “Don’t ask me.”  
  
I smiled and closed my eyes. “We could’ve saved ourselves a lot of pent up sexual frustration, you know.”  
  
“Hmm, that’s true.” He agreed, his voice rough with exhaustion. “But this is good, too.”  
  
I laughed softly. “This is better than good.”  
  
He pressed a kiss to my shoulder before he leaned up on his elbow. He eased himself out of me and grimaced, no doubt oversensitive.   
  
I couldn’t suppress a flinch as he pulled out.   
  
“Sore?” He asked quietly, apparently having caught my reaction. His gaze met mine.   
  
I nodded. “A bit, yeah.”  
  
“Worth it?”  
  
“Oh, fuck yes.” I laughed again and bopped him on the back of the head.   
  
He just smiled a lazy grin. “Want to take a shower?”  
  
I hummed softly. “In a minute. I don’t want to move yet.”   
  
“Okay.” He said and leaned forward to kiss me. It was slow and lazy, with no trace of our earlier vigor.   
  
When he pulled back, a small smile pulled over my lips. “Hey, Jun?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Don’t forget to wash the sheets.”   
  
“Oh, fuck you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I know a few people who were waiting for this particular chapter lolol. I hope it was up to par with your guy's expectations <3


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how very very late this is.

  
  
There were few times that I actually enjoy the early morning waking up process. But waking up to my boyfriend drifting his fingers through my hair is perhaps my favorite way to wake up. I slowly came into consciousness, peeking an eye open to see him sitting upright against the headboard. He had a coffee cup in one hand and was watching TV, which was quiet enough that I could barely hear it.   
  
When he felt me shift to look at him, he looked down at me. A small smile slipped over his face as he met my sleepy gaze. He moved my hair out of my eyes before he spoke. “Good morning.”  
  
I groaned softly. “What time is it?”  
  
He chuckled softly and glanced at the clock on the other side of him. “Almost six.”  
  
“Six?” I whined around the word. “Why are we awake?”  
  
“I have early meetings.” He said, continuing the pattern his fingers were making in my hair. “I have to be to the office by seven.”  
  
“That’s so stupid.” I mumbled, turning my face into the pillow.  
  
“I know.” I heard him say, his tone colored with his amusement. “You have tests today, right?”  
  
“Ugh, don’t remind me.” I muttered into the pillow. I had two tests today. It was finals week, and while I was relieved I would have the summer off, I also wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I hated finals week and I hadn’t studied nearly enough.   
  
“What time are they?”   
  
“The first one is at eight.” I replied, turning my head to look at him again.   
  
He chewed on the inside of his cheek, obviously thinking about something. His gaze was on the TV.  
  
“What?” I said when he didn’t reply for a minute.  
  
He glanced back down at me. “Do you want me to call Sil and ask if she can drive you?”  
  
I sighed softly and shook my head. “No, I’ll take the bus.”  
  
“You sure?” His brow knitted together in concern. “Because I’m sure she won’t mind-“  
  
“No,” I shook my head again. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine taking the bus. It’s crowded enough, it won’t be a problem.”  
  
I hated inconveniencing anyone, whether they minded or not. I knew that Jun was concerned, but I would be fine riding the bus.   
  
He sighed and nodded, a slight incline of his head. He smiled warily. “Okay. Sorry, I just worry.”    
  
“I know,” I smiled back and reached for his hand to lace our fingers together. “Thank you.”  
  
His smile widened into a much more genuine one and he gave my hand a squeeze. He didn’t reply, and that was okay. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, letting myself relax for a few more minutes. We stayed like that for little while, with nothing but the sound of the TV cutting through the silence.   
  
“I have to go pretty soon.” He said after a while and I heard him set his mug down. “Do you want me to get you some coffee or are you going to sleep some more?”  
  
I sighed and opened my eyes again. “I’ll get up and get some.”  
  
“Okay.” He released my hand and ruffled my hair before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.   
  
I sat up, a yawn splitting my lips. I grimaced at the soreness at the base of my spine. I was going to be uncomfortable today but I didn’t care. It was beyond worth it. I smiled to myself as I thought about last night. I was happy with our relationship and how it was progressing. I had been worried before, and I still was somewhat, but not as much. I really liked Jun and I hoped that what we had would only get better.   
  
“What are you smiling like that for?”  
  
I blinked up at the man who occupied my thoughts and tried not to smile. It was hard and I didn’t accomplish it. “Nothing.”  
  
“Uh-huh.” He stepped closer to the bed and raised an eyebrow. “Liar.”  
  
I hummed softly and sat up on my knees so that I could press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed contently.   
  
He set his hands on my hips and I could hear the amusement in his voice when he spoke. “Are you going to keep me guessing?”  
  
“No,” I chuckled softly. “I was just thinking about how happy I feel right now.”  
  
He wrapped his arms around my waist and enveloped me in a hug. His voice was soft in my ear. “Well, that makes two of us.”  
  
I just squeezed him tighter for a moment, before I pulled back. I reached up and ruffled his soft hair, which was sort of satisfying since it seemed that everyone was always doing it to me. He shoved my shoulder playfully and I fell back on the bed with a laugh.   
  
His grin turned playful as he righted his hair. He grabbed his mug off the nightstand. “Come get some coffee, you little shit.”  
  
I laughed again as I got up and followed him out the bedroom door. Once in the kitchen, he poured coffee into a mug for me. He handed it to me and I took it, taking a second to appreciate it’s warmth. I took a sip and hummed my appreciation. There were few things I loved more than coffee.   
  
“Are you nervous for your tests?”   
  
I glanced at him over the rim of my cup and shrugged a shoulder. “Not really. I’m not as prepared as I would like to be, but I think I’ll do fine.”  
  
“Well, good.” He smiled. “Has someone been distracting you too much lately?”  
  
“More or less.” I rolled my eyes. “But I have zero complaints.”  
  
“Oh?” He set his mug down and quirked an eyebrow. “No complaints?”  
  
“Not one.”   
  
“What about last night?”  
  
I chuckled softly. “No complaints there, either.”  
  
His smile widened. “Good.”  
  
“What about you?” I asked, shifting to lean back against the counter next to him. “Any complaints?”  
  
He reached up to tap my chin and I met his gaze. “Not even one.”  
  
I leaned up and kissed him, kneading my lips softly against his for a moment before stepping back. I smirked as I met his gaze again. “Good.”  
  
He glanced at the clock on the stove with a sigh. “I have to go or I’ll be late.”  
  
“Okay.” I said, setting my mug down. “What time will you be home?”  
  
“Shouldn’t be any later than four.” He replied. “What time will your tests be over?”  
  
I shrugged. “Around noon. I might have lunch with Nanase, if she’s free.”  
  
He smiled and took one last drink from his coffee before he set it down. “Okay. Tell her I said hi if you do.”  
  
“I will.”   
  
He reached over and tugged on a strand of my hair before he turned and started walking away. “I’ll see you tonight.”  
  
“Okay. Drive safely.”  
  
“Always.” He gave me a thumbs up before he rounded the corner.   
  
I sighed as I heard the door open and close behind him. I poured the rest of his coffee into my mug and headed back to the bedroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I started getting dressed. I put on a pair of dark gray jeans and a black t-shirt. I needed to leave relatively soon if I wanted to make the 7:15 bus. It was about a ten minute walk to the bus stop. I would be pretty early to school, but that was fine. Sion was usually there early too, and then I could steal his annoyingly perfectly organized notes before the test.  
  
I drained the rest of my coffee as I walked back to the kitchen. I set the mug in the sink and then headed to the front door. I slipped into my shoes and a decent black jacket. I grabbed my bag up off the floor and left the apartment.  
  
The walk to the bus station didn’t take very long. I was about five minutes early, so I decided to text Nanase to see if she was free. It took her all of five seconds to reply.   
  
(I’m not free today. How bout tomorrow?)  
  
I typed out a reply with my cold fingers. Despite being over halfway through May, the mornings and evenings were still chilly. It was fine with me, if it meant we didn’t have a seriously hot summer. (I have late classes tomorrow. You want to have breakfast?)  
  
(Yes. The usual place?)  
  
(Sounds good) I typed out the reply and then shoved my phone back into my pocket. She didn’t reply, and I didn’t expect her to. She wasn’t fond of texting.   
  
The bus was right on time. I climbed up the stairs and paid before I found a seat about halfway down. The drive to my stop never seemed to take nearly long enough. I got off with a couple other students, to my relief.   
  
I walked straight to my first class once on campus, and sure enough, Sion was already there. He was sitting halfway up, cleaning his glasses with a sort of blank look on his face. I walked up the stairs to join him and he waved when he saw me.   
  
“Morning.” I said as I sat down beside him.   
  
“Morning.” He replied with a faint smile. “You’re here early.”  
  
I smiled and gestured to his notebooks beside him. “I was hoping you’d be kind enough to lend me your notes if I came early.”  
  
He chuckled and handed me the top notebook. “Here.”  
  
“Thanks.” I took the book and opened it. As always, he was extremely organized. I went over some of the older ones to jog my memory. I saw Sion slip his glasses back on out of the corner of my eye.   
  
“How’s Jun?” He asked after a couple minutes went by.   
  
I smiled automatically, thoughts of last night the first thing to pop into my head. I looked over at him. “He’s great. How’s Ran?”  
  
He chuckled. “He’s really good. As persistent as ever.”  
  
“That’s Ran for ya.”   
  
“Indeed it is.” He nodded, a smile splitting his face.   
  
I snapped his notebook shut and handed it back to him. “Thanks.”  
  
He nodded and set it down on the table in front of him. “No problem.”  
  
We lapsed into easy conversation for the few remaining minutes before class started. The professor was at the front of the room now, readying sheets of paper. He started handing them out a few minutes before eight. Once we both had a sheet in our hand, we fell silent as we read over the test questions.  
  
The professor waited until the clock above the door struck eight, and then he nodded. “You may begin.”  
  
We had an hour to do the test, but I finished about ten minutes before the hour was up. I leaned back in my seat with a sigh. Sion finished early than I did, as usual. He was fast. I bet his brain is as stupidly organized as his notes are.   
  
He smiled when he glanced at me and saw that I was done. I smiled back and winked.   
  
The remaining ten minutes passed quickly, and we all turned in our sheet. I glanced over my shoulder at Sion as we walked to the door. “What do you have next?”  
  
“Mr. Mura.” He replied with a wrinkle of his nose. “You?”  
  
I chuckled at the expression on his face. “Same. I’m glad it’s-“  
  
I ran smack into someone’s hard chest as I walked through the door. I had been looking at Sion over my shoulder instead of where I was going. I looked up into a pair of dark eyes that I knew all too well.   
  
“Ah,” Masashi took a step back as his eyes landed on my face. “Sorry.”  
  
“No,” I shook my head and pretended hearing his voice didn’t make my heart beat abnormally. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. Sorry.”  
  
He gave a small smile and stepped aside to let us pass. “It’s alright.”  
  
“Thanks.” I muttered under my breath as I passed him.  
  
“Hey, Sion,” Masashi called. I looked over my shoulder to see him frowning softly. “Do you have a second?”  
  
Sion glanced at me and then nodded. “Yeah. Go ahead, Ritsu. I’ll catch up with you.”  
  
I nodded and turned back around. I tried not to think about what he wanted to talk to Sion about. They were friends after all, or at least use to be, I’m not really sure. Sion had seemed to grow rather bitter when it came to Masashi nowadays.   
  
I was almost to Mr. Mura’s room when Sion caught up with me. He was jogging and then broke to a walk as he fell into step beside me. “Sorry bout that.”  
  
I shook my head. “Don’t be.”  
  
He was silent for a moment, maybe hoping I would ask. But when I didn’t, he spoke. “He wanted to apologize to me. For how he acted in the bathroom.”  
  
I glanced at him. “Yeah? Well, that’s good then.”  
  
I wasn’t really surprised. Masashi valued his friends more than he let on. I couldn’t count the number of times he’d apologized to me. But that was good. I was glad he had apologized to Sion, because they had been pretty good friends until a while back.   
  
Until Sion had sided with me.   
  
“Yeah,” A small smile lifted his lips. “But he’s still a jackass.”  
  
I shrugged a shoulder, but smiled. “He sure can be.”  
  
“It’s pretty hard for you to not defend him, isn’t it?” He asked, his eyes on my face.   
  
The question caught me off guard, and I glanced at him in surprise. I opened my mouth to reply but then closed it. It was so like Sion to ask a blunt question like that. I sighed and looked away. “I suppose it is.”  
  
It was. Even if what someone said was true, my first instinct was to defend him. I couldn’t help it.   
  
He was silent for a beat and then I heard him sigh. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”  
  
“It’s okay.” I shrugged. “It’s the truth.”  
  
“I still shouldn’t have said that.” His mouth tilted up at the corners, a hint of a smile. “I have a shitty filter.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it, Sion.” I gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, giving a smile in return. “In fact, I’m rather fond of your filterlessness.”  
  
“That’s not a word.”  
  
“But you knew what I meant.”  
  
He rolled his eyes. “At least I have more filter than Ran.”  
  
“That’s true.” I nodded. “Although he has an overall more cheerful view of the world than you do.”  
  
“What are you saying?”  
  
“That his filterlessness is cheerful.”  
  
“And mine isn’t?”  
  
“Not always.”   
  
He chuckled with a shake of his head. “That’s true.”  
  
“Not that a gloomy look on the world is bad or anything.” I walked into the class a step ahead of him and took a glance around the room. We were a bit early. I gave a nod of acknowledgment to Mr. Mura but he merely scowled at me. Always such a happy man.   
  
“I wouldn’t say it’s _gloomy_.” Sion said. “Just a little… dark.”  
  
“There’s a difference?” I glanced over my shoulder at him as I walked up the steps to take a seat.   
  
“Yeah, there’s dark and then there’s gloomy.”  
  
I snorted at his answer and took a seat about half way up. “Thanks, Sion. That answers all of my questions.”  
  
He shrugged but I saw the smile he hid. “Anytime, Rit-chan.”  
  
I wrinkled my nose at the way the endearment sounded leaving his lips. “Please, for the love of God, don’t call me that.”  
  
He laughed. “It sounded pretty disgusting, didn’t it?”   
  
“Coming from you, yes.” I shook my head. “Totally different than when Ran says it.”  
  
He shoved my shoulder playfully. “Why? Because he’s cute and innocent?”  
  
“We both know Ran is nowhere near innocent.” I snorted. “But no, that’s not why. I protested when Ran first started calling me that, but Ran never listens and it just sort of stuck.”  
  
“I see.” He nodded, an easy smile on his face. “You know, it’s sort of a cheat. He _looks_ so innocent, but he’s totally not. Especially in the bedroom, I never would have thought-“  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him and watched as he realized what he was saying. He went practically scarlet red, a deep blush spreading over his cheeks. He fell silent and certainly didn’t look at me.  
  
“Your filter just failed you big time.” I said slowly, a smile spreading across my lips.   
  
“Shut up.”   
  
“You don’t have to tell me anything.” I held my hands up in mock surrender. “But I do have just one question.”  
  
“No,” He groaned, his gaze meeting mine finally. He looked like he wanted to seep into the floor. “Absolutely not.”  
  
“No?” My lips lifted into a smirk. “Well, that’s okay. I guess I’ll just have to tell Nanase.”  
  
“No, no, no,” He shook his head quickly, his eyes widening, no doubt imaging the endless questions she would have for him. “Don’t do that. She is as persistent as Ran, I swear to God.”  
  
“She is, no doubt.” I chuckled softly. “So I can ask my question?”  
  
He groaned softly in defeat. “Fine. Just one.”  
  
I leaned a little closer to better see his face. “How was your first man?”  
  
His face, if at all possible, turned a shade darker. “It was good.”  
  
“Just good?” I protested, giving his shoulder a little shake. “You’re telling me that little blond bombshell is _just_ good?”  
  
“No, fuck, he’s great. It was great.” He said, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “It was amazing, honestly.”  
  
I clapped him on the back. “That’s fantastic. Good for you guys.”  
  
“Thanks, I guess.”   
  
“Of course. Hey, I have one more question.” I said, unable to keep from smiling as I leaned closer again. “Who topped?”  
  
He shoved me back and I laughed as I righted myself in my seat. He was too easy to get a rise out of.   
  
“You’re such an asshole, Ritsu.”   
  
“I know.” I chuckled, pleased with myself. “But that’s why we get along.”  
  
He rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Mr. Mura called for attention and we lapsed into silence. He began handing out papers to the students in the first row, who began passing them back.   
  
My phone vibrated in my pocket once, signaling a text. I retrieved it from my pocket and opened the message. I smiled when I saw that it was from Jun.   
  
(I miss you)  
  
I was no doubt smiling like a happy idiot as I typed my reply. (I miss you too. Are your meetings boring you?)  
  
It only took a few moments for him to reply. (You have no idea. How’s the testing going?)  
  
(Good, the second one is getting ready to start.) I typed out my reply and sent it. Sion stood up and took the sheets of paper from the student in front of him. He handed me the stack after taking one for himself. I took one and got up to give them to the student behind me, since Sion and I were sitting alone in this row.  
  
My phone vibrated as I sat back down. I opened it. (Alright, I’ll let you go then. Want to go out and have dinner with me tonight?)  
  
I smiled again, my fingers quickly typing out an answer. (Yes. I have work at seven so as long as we can go before that.)  
  
“Mura will break that if he catches you with it.” Sion said from beside me, absently reading over the questions.  
  
“I know.” I slipped my phone back into my pocket with a sigh. I leaned forward and wrote my name on the sheet. Mura told us to begin a few short minutes later. I felt my phone vibrate again in my pocket, but I ignored it.   
  
The test wasn’t hard per say, but I found the subject as boring as the professor that taught it. It was one of the classes I had a hard time paying attention in. It always seemed to take forever, too.   
  
By the time Sion and I stepped out of Mura’s class, I just wanted to go home. But I had one more class to make it to before I could. Luckily, it wasn’t a test.   
  
“Well, I’m going this way.” I said to Sion. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
“Alright, see ya.” He waved and headed in the opposite direction.   
  
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check Jun’s message.  
  
(Will 5:00 work?)  
  
I typed out a quick reply as I walked to my next class. (Yes. I’ll see you at home.)  
  
-  
  
I got home awhile before Jun did. I spent about an hour cleaning up the apartment before I resigned myself to studying some more. And that’s what I did until Jun got home a quarter to four.   
  
“Welcome home.” I said as he entered the living room.   
  
He popped open a couple buttons on his shirt, his face smoothing into a smile. “Thanks. How were your tests?”  
  
I shrugged. “They were fine, I think. How was work? And your meetings?”  
  
“Work was good.” He walked over and sat on the edge of the coffee table. “The meetings were boring.”  
  
I cracked a smile, recalling the rare text I received. “I could tell.”  
  
He just smiled.  
  
“So where are we going to eat?” I asked, settling my eyes on his blue ones.   
  
His smile faltered. “I have to talk to you about that.”  
  
I frowned, confused about his reaction. “You can’t make it?”  
  
“No, that’s not it.” He shook his head and shifted so that he was facing me. “I might have mentioned our dinner plans to my father…”   
  
“So?” I replied before that information registered. And then I blinked, realization hitting me. “Oh. He wants to meet me?”  
  
“Yes.” He hurried on before I could panic. “But it will be fine. He’ll like you a lot, so you have nothing to worry about.”  
  
“And what if he doesn’t?” I said, more than slightly worried about it. Jun was close to his father. He valued his opinion and I knew his approval would be important to Jun. I had a hard time envisioning Jun’s father, a wealthy business man, approving of a broke college student who had a few too many people share his bed.   
  
“He will.” He said with certainty. “He would approve of anyone so long as they made me happy.”  
  
I blew out a sigh and nodded slowly. “Alright.”  
  
His eyes lit up at the word and he smiled genuinely. “Thanks, Ritsu.”  
  
I smiled back. “You don’t have to thank me. You met my wonderful family, it’s only fair I meet yours.”  
  
He snorted and reached out to tug on a lock of my hair. “I swear this will go better than that did.”  
  
“I’m sure it will.” I said without a doubt. Jun’s father seemed like a much more reasonable man than my own. I frowned then as I realized something. “You know, I don’t even know his name.”  
  
“Daisuke.” He answered as he stood. “I’m going to go change out of my work clothes.”  
  
“M’kay.” I closed the textbook I had been studying and stood to follow him. “Where are we going?”  
  
“Somewhere kinda nice.”  
  
“What do I have to wear for ‘somewhere kinda nice’?”  
  
I followed him into the bedroom. He shrugged in response, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Just wear  jeans and a button down. I’m gonna take a quick shower.”  
  
“Alright.” I started going through drawers to find the suggested items. He grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. He didn’t close the door and as tempting as it was to join him, we didn’t have time.   
  
I chose a pair of nice black jeans and a light gray button down. I left the top three buttons undone. I grabbed a pair of socks and then set out to see if I could find the only pair of decent black shoes that I owned. There was something to be said of a man who had more pairs of heels than nice dress shoes. Although Ran could be blamed for a handful of the heels I owned, as well as some of the sluttier clothes.   
  
To my relief, I found the shoes in a duffel bag I’d thrown into the guest bedroom. Jun told me I could put anything of mine I wanted into the spare room, but I’d only had the extra duffel bag. After I’d slipped them on, I started picking up my textbooks and notebooks. I stacked them next to the entertainment center where they were out of the way. I tried to keep all of my stuff out of Jun’s way.  
  
I wandered into the kitchen with an empty mug I’d used while studying. I rinsed it out and set it in the dishwasher.   
  
“Did you clean the kitchen?”  
  
I jumped slightly, surprised that I hadn’t heard him. I turned to look at him. He was drying his hair with a towel, wearing dark blue jeans and a burgundy button down that wasn’t yet buttoned. Only he could look that gorgeous while simply towel drying his hair. It really wasn’t fair.   
  
I didn’t realize he’d asked me a question until he paused in his drying and raised an eyebrow at me. I fumbled for a moment as I tried to remember what he had said. I cleared my throat and nodded. “Yeah, I was procrastinating.”  
  
He chuckled, probably more at my fumbling than my procrastinating. “Well, thank you. It looks nice.”  
  
I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips. “Course.”  
  
“Are you ready?”  
  
“Yep.” I moved over to him and started buttoning his shirt. His skin was hot under my fingers as I buttoned them. I left the top three buttons undone, leaving some of his tanned skin exposed. It was really more for my own enjoyment than anything else. I stepped back to look at him before my eyes landed on his face. “I like this color on you.”  
  
“Yeah?” He questioned, glancing down at his burgundy shirt. “Good to know.”  
  
He finished drying his hair and finished getting ready. Fifteen minutes later, we were seated inside Brisk and on our way.   
  
The few minutes of silence we drove in were just long enough for me to start worrying again. It didn’t take long for the doubt to come creeping back in. I wanted Daisuke to like me. No, I _needed_ him to like me. For Jun’s sake. I didn’t think he would break up with me if his father did disapprove, nothing like that. But I did think Daisuke’s approval meant more to Jun than he let on.   
  
I looked over at Jun. His eyes were on the road and he looked rather relaxed, I might add. He was confident that his father would like me. I suppose I should take some comfort in that. I decided to speak before he realized my discomfort.   
  
“So,” I said, averting my gaze to the road. “What all did you tell him about me? When you told him about Zelch, I mean.”  
  
I could feel his gaze on my face. “You’re worrying again.”  
  
“That’s not an answer.”   
  
He sighed softly and moved his gaze to the road again. “I didn’t tell him you were an escort, if that’s what you’re worried about.”  
  
“Do you think he put it together, though?”  
  
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s possible, if he looked into you. He hasn’t said anything to me, though.”  
  
“Alright.” I replied and glanced at him again. “Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous.”  
  
He looked at me with a soft smile and reached over to clasp my hand in his own. “You don’t have any reason to be, Ritsu.”  
  
I nodded and tried to relax. I tried to take comfort in the fact that his father was a hell of a lot more accepting than my own. The remainder of the drive was short, and it wasn’t long before we pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He gave my hand a squeeze before he released it. He pulled into a spot and parked before turning the car off.   
  
I grabbed ahold of the door handle, but before I could exit, his hand landed on my shoulder. He pulled me back and his lips found mine as I turned to look at him questioningly. I closed my eyes contently, letting my lips move against his easily.   
  
His hand moved from my shoulder to the nape of my neck, holding me in place.   
  
It was over as quickly as it begun, before I could take the opportunity to deepen the kiss.   
  
He pulled back to look at me, a smirk pulling at his lips. “Ready?”  
  
I nodded, a faint smile pulling at my lips. He released me and unbuckled his seat belt. We both exited the vehicle. He locked the doors behind us before he closed his door. He took my hand again after rounding the car, and pulled me toward the restaurant.   
  
He gave my hand one last squeeze before we entered the building.


	37. Chapter 37

The restaurant was as nice as I expected it to be. Jun and I were dressed more casually than the majority of the people there, but his own confidence reassured me that it didn’t matter. It’s not like I owned anything better, anyway. A part-timer couldn’t afford a suit and an escort didn’t need one.

 

We arrived before Jun’s father and were quickly seated at a table toward the back. More secluded, more private. I sat down as Jun did, on his right. Looking around, I wasn’t sure I had ever been anywhere quite this nice. I wasn’t sure I had been taught the proper etiquette for this. There were two forks, and I was assuming one was for salad and the other for the main course - however, I didn’t really know which was for which. I laid the brown napkin over my lap, and seeing Jun do the same reassured me than perhaps I hadn’t forgotten too many of my table manners.

 

Our waiter arrived swiftly - dressed better than us, I might add - and asked us what we would be drinking.

 

“I’ll have a glass of wine, please.” Jun said with his charming smile.

 

“Of course, red or white?”

 

“White.”

 

The waiter gave a nod and then turned his eyes on me. “And for you, sir?”

 

“I’ll have the same, please.”

 

He nodded and was quickly on his way again.

 

“This place is a lot nicer than you let on.” I said, my gaze landing on Jun. I pointed at the waiter’s retreating back. “The waiter is dressed better than us.”

 

He smiled in response and gave a half-hearted shrug. “He gets paid to dress like that.”

 

I hummed under my breath. “How boring. I got paid to wear a lot less.”

 

Jun chuckled and nudged my foot with his own under the table. “You looked a lot better, too.”

 

“I would hope so.” I smiled back and winked.

 

“What am I going to do with you?” He replied, eyes glinting with amusement.

 

“Oh,” I waggled my eye brows. “A lot of things, I hope.”

 

“You’re so bad.” He said through a chuckle. “So, so bad.”

 

“I know.”

 

One thing I liked about Jun was his ability to put me at ease through simple banter. Now that we were here, I did feel a little better. I was nervous as all get out, but I had a feeling it would be fine. I think it was Jun that gave me that feeling. Sometimes it was hard to tell what he was thinking, because he always seemed at ease. Almost like he knew that everything would work itself out. It was refreshing and calming, but also sort of irritating. He is calm and collected while I feel like I might break out into a cold sweat.

 

Not that I’m saying I’d rather him be as nervous as I am, or anything. That would definitely be worse. But it does make me wonder what he looks like with his feathers ruffled. I know what he looks like when he’s worried for my sake, or nervous that I might reject him, but that’s different. Even in those cases, he had a sense of calm about him. Like he expected things to work out.

 

“Stop thinking so much,” Jun said, dragging me out of my thoughts. He was drinking idly from his glass of wine and looking over the menu. “You’re going to have wrinkles by the time you’re thirty, you know.”

 

I snorted as I looked down at the menu in my hand. “And you’re going to die looking like a newborn baby.”

 

I didn’t have to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes at me. “I worry about plenty of things.”

 

“Oh? Like what?”

 

He sighed softly. “Like what they’re going to do with this next season of Prison Break.”

 

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Oh, god, how stressful.”

 

“It is, though. How are they going to continue it?”

 

“I can’t answer that because I don’t know.”

 

“Well, that’s-“

 

“Sorry to interrupt, but do you mind if I sit with you guys?”

 

I looked up to identify the smooth voice that had spoken. When my eyes met his, I knew who he was. I would’ve known him even if we weren’t expecting him.

 

I had already known what Daisuke looked like because of the picture in Jun’s bedroom, but seeing him in person was totally different. The man standing in front of us reminded me more of Jun in one instant than I could possibly explain. Same blond hair and blue eyes. He was about the same height as Jun, but a touch broader. But the biggest resemblance was the look in his eyes. He eyes glinted with amusement that only he knew the source of.

 

And like his son, he was gorgeous.

 

“Well, of course.” Jun replied smoothly, a smile spreading across his face. He gestured between the two of us. “Dad, this is Ritsu.”

 

Daisuke’s eyes slid back to me and he reached his hand out. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Ritsu.”

 

I half stood to shake his hand. “All good things, I hope.”

 

“Not to worry,” He released my hand and sat down across from me. “My son sings your praise from the rooftops.”

 

I chuckled softly and glanced at Jun. A smirk pulled at his lips, unaffected by his father’s attempt to embarrass him. He leaned back in his chair and amusement colored his voice. “Shut up, dad.”

 

Daisuke just smiled and glanced over the menu in front of him. Our waiter came back quickly and took his drink order, before scurrying off again.

 

“So, Jun tells me you are the head of your own company.” I said conversationally before taking a drink of my wine. It was smooth wine.

 

“That’s right,” He smiled over his menu at me. “And fortunately for me, Jun has expressed desire to take over the company - just as I took over for my father.”

 

“So I’ve heard.” I nodded. “That must be reassuring. Keeping it in the family, I mean.”

 

“It certainly is.”

 

“Please, you’re just excited for early retirement.” Jun chimed in.

 

“You’re damn right, I am.” His father chuckled in response. “I can’t wait for the day I leave all the late nights and stress to you and get to move onto to long days of golf, beaches, and boredom.”

 

I laughed softly. Jun raised his glass in response. “Thanks, dad.”

 

“Anyways,” He turned his gaze back to me. “Jun tells me you’re still in school?”

 

“That’s right. I have one more year.”

 

“And what are you majoring in?”

 

“Business.” I replied, holding his gaze. His eyes were a darker shade of blue than Jun’s. They were closer to the color of Sil’s eyes.

 

“I see. Finals should be coming up soon, right?” He asked curiously.

 

I gave a nod of confirmation. “This week, actually. I took two tests today.”

 

He shook his head. “I remember how stressful finals week was. Everyone on campus looked vaguely like a zombie.”

 

“That’s exactly right.” I said through a chuckle. “And everyone has more caffeine in their system than is strictly healthy.”

 

“Yes. That part doesn’t change much once you start working, though.”

 

“I’m sure that’s true.”

 

Our waiter came back with Daisuke’s drink and proceeded to take our orders as well. I went the safe route and ordered something I always liked - Chicken Alfredo. We lapsed into easy conversation for a while after that. Daisuke was easy to talk to, much like his children were. He and Jun had a good relationship, although I had already assumed as much, and they bantered quite a bit. I didn’t feel nervous anymore. Daisuke had a similar manner of making people feel at ease that Jun has. Although I think he would be terrifying if you managed to get on his bad side.

 

It turns out that he is also very straightforward.

 

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “Tell me about Zelch.”

 

I tensed automatically upon hearing his name, and I lifted my eyes to meet his. Both his tone and his gaze spoke business.

 

Jun’s eyes narrowed, his disapproval evident on his face. “Dad-“

 

“It’s okay, Jun.” I said quickly. He locked eyes with me and I nodded reassuringly. He hesitated for only a second before he leaned back. I met Daisuke’s eyes again. “What do you want to know?”

 

“Why is he after you?”

 

“Honestly? I don’t know. He never gave a solid reason.”I shook my head and tried to trudge up a memory of what he had said. I didn’t want to think about this, but if this man was going to help me, I would tell him anything he wanted to know. “He just said that… I acted like I was better than him.”

 

He tilted his head curiously, though his expression remained serious. “Did you?”

 

“Not that I am aware of.”

 

I glanced at Jun, who’s gaze was on the table. I think he hated this subject more than even I did.

 

“Okay.” Daisuke said with a nod. “How long has it been since he contacted you? Or since you have seen him?”

 

I thought about that for a moment. “It’s been a few weeks now.”

 

“Do you think he’s gone or biding his time?”

 

“I think he’s biding his time.” I swallowed and went on. “He did say that I have an unpredictable schedule.”

 

Jun’s hand slipped over mine below the table. He gave it a soft squeeze. I twisted my hand and intertwined our fingers together. The simple contact was comforting.

 

“Okay. Sorry to bring this up today.” He smiled apologetically. “The investigator had a few questions.”

 

I shook my head. “It’s not a problem.”

 

“Would you be able to meet the sketcher this week?”

 

“Yes. Class is usually over by mid-afternoon if not earlier.”

 

“Perfect. I’ll check with him and let you know when he is available.”

 

“Thank you, Daisuke.” I said softly, hoping he could tell how sincere I was. I was his son’s boyfriend. He didn’t know me. There’s no way he would be impressed if he did a background check on me. No one would want their son with someone who had a past like mine. But he was still helping me anyways, even though I’m nobody to him. After having met him, it’s easy for me to see where Jun gets his kindness from. His sincerity, his sense of responsibility, and his sensibility. Jun was just _good_ , there was no other way to put it. I can tell now that his father is the same way. I don’t know Sil very well, but I sense that she is no different.

 

The rest of dinner went smoothly. We ventured back to less stressful topics and ate some really good food. I heard some entertaining stories about Jun and Sil from when they were kids. It sounds like Daisuke had his hands full between the two of them, which is not at all surprising. They are both still a handful.

 

I tried to pay for my dinner but Daisuke wouldn’t hear it. I protested but he paid for the tab in the end. He shook my hand once we were outside, a smile slipping over his face. “I hope we meet again soon, Ritsu.”

 

“Me too.” I smiled and gripped his hand tightly. “Thank you for tonight.”

 

He and Jun spoke for a few minutes about business and then we parted. I slid into Brisk with ease and slipped the seat belt over my chest. I felt good about dinner. I thought it went well.

 

Jun glanced over at me as he shifted the car into reverse. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

 

I smiled. “No, it was really nice. I like your dad.”

 

He grinned, pulling out of the parking spot smoothly. “I’m glad. He liked you, too.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Because I know what he looks like when he _doesn’t_ like someone.”

 

“Fair enough.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “He reminded me of you.”

 

He looked over at me again. “In what way?”

 

“He’s kind. And very straightforward.” I shrugged, a smirk slipping over my face. “And super good looking.”

 

He wrinkled his nose. “Eww. I don’t want to hear you say that.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “But it’s a good thing, seeing as you will probably look just like him when you get older.”

 

His expression smoothed out and he started nodding. “Well, you do have a point.”

 

I chuckled softly. “I know.”

 

We fell into silence for a few minutes. I really was pleased with the way the night had turned out. I don’t know why I had gotten myself so worked up beforehand. But it always seems that way after the fact.

 

“Your face is flushed.” Jun said softly after stopping at a red light. He lifted his hand and ran his fingers lightly down my cheek.

 

I caught his hand and intertwined our fingers. “It’s the wine.”

 

He began driving again after the light turned green. He smirked lightly and squeezed my hand. “Are you sure you have to go to work? Because we could go home and give you a different reason to be flushed, instead…”

 

I swallowed, feeling my insides heat up. “I’ll see what I can do.”

 

 

-

 

 

“How much sugar are you going to put in that?” I wrinkled my nose, watching as she dumped yet another packet of sugar into her coffee.

 

Nanase just shrugged. “Their coffee here is strong. It needs more sugar.”

 

“That’s gross.”

 

“You’re gross.”

 

I rolled my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. “You are so mean.”

 

“Yeah but you love me.” She smiled across at me.

 

“That’s very true.”

 

She took a drink of her coffee and then considered it for a moment, before she grabbed another packet of sugar. “So, was there a reason in particular that you wanted to have breakfast or is it just because you miss me?”

 

I just watched as she dumped another packet into her coffee. “Both, actually. We haven’t hung out by ourselves in awhile and I also have something to tell you. Well, three somethings.”

 

She quirked an eyebrow as her brown eyes met mine. “Oh? Do tell.”

 

“I’m trying to decide which one to tell you first.” I said with a faint smile.

 

She smiled back and tasted her coffee again. She must have been pleased with it because she didn’t put anymore sugar in it. “Well, is one more important than the other two?”

 

I thought about that for a minute, pursing my lips in thought. I thought they were both pretty important. Finally, I just shrugged. “It depends on your definition of important.”

 

She looked thoughtful for a moment before she spoke. “Does one make you happier than the other, then?”

 

I tried not to smile but it wasn’t possible. I think that was answer enough for her.

 

“That’s a yes.” She snapped her fingers. “Tell me that one first.”

 

“Are you sure? Cause I-“

 

“I’m sure.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Just spill it.”

 

“I slept with Jun.”

 

She went still, coffee raised halfway to her lips as she stared at me. Then her lips pulled slowly into a smile and she set the mug back down a little too roughly. I watched as some of the dark liquid sloshed out of the cup. She paid it no mind as she leaned forward excitedly. “When?”

 

My smile widened at her enthusiasm. “It happened the day before yesterday and again last night.”

 

“How was it? Was it better than you remembered?” She spoke quickly, her voice exposing her excitement.

 

“Yes,” I said, unable to keep the smile off of my face. “But I think sex is always better with an emotional attachment.”

 

She nodded and pursed her lips. “That’s very true. Are you glad you waited this long?”

 

I nodded, a soft chuckle escaping me. “Yes, definitely.”

 

She gave me a knowing smile. “Well, if he’s as good as his sister is in bed, he’s well worth the wait.”

 

“I don’t know how Sil is in bed,” I shook my head and tried not to imagine it. “But he was definitely worth the wait.”

 

“Sil is excellent.” She smirked. “Very skilled tongue.”

 

I chuckled again as I mentally blocked that image. “That must run in the family, then.”

 

She snorted and then looked down at her mug. She frowned, finally noticing the spilled coffee. She grabbed a napkin to wipe it up. “How did we end up dating twins?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“I blame you,” She said with a shrug. “Since you introduced Sil and I.”

 

“Are you complaining?” I snorted, lifting my mug to my lips. “I might have introduced you to your future wife, you know.”

 

Her eyes met mine and she stared. “I think it’s a little soon to be thinking on the marriage thing.”

 

“Of course,” I shrugged. “I’m just saying. If you two do get married, you know who to thank.”

 

She rolled her eyes and tossed a sugar packet at me. “Yeah, yeah. So what are the other two things? Are they exciting as this one?”

 

I lifted my shoulders in a half shrug. “Perhaps not as exciting, but probably more important. One of them, anyways. They’re related issues, actually.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“I met Jun’s and Sil’s father last night.” I replied. “Have you met him yet?”

 

She shook her head. “Not yet.”

 

“Alright. Well, he’s gorgeous. He reminds me a lot of Jun.” I took a drink from my mug. “Although he has a bit of a more serious aura about him.”

 

“I can see that. He is a business man, after all.” She tilted her head. “Did you like him?”

 

“Yes, quite a lot.”

 

“Well, that’s great.” She chuckled softly. “That will help me to feel less nervous when - or if - I meet him. So what does meeting him have to do with the other thing?”

 

I blew out a breath and smiled softly. “We might have found a way to deal with Zelch. Actually, it’s Jun’s idea.”

 

Her eyes lit up in surprise and she sat up straighter in her chair. “That’s great news, Ritsu. What’s his idea?”

 

“He says his father knows people who can help.” I said. “Private investigators or something.”

 

“Wow.” She blew out a long breath. “Wow. That’s really good.”

 

I nodded, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “I know. Jun said I don’t have to get involved. All I have to do is describe him to a sketch artist.”

 

She leaned forward and took my hands in hers. “I really hope that works, Ritsu.”

 

“Me too.” I said as a soft sigh left my lips. I gave her hands a squeeze. I wanted nothing more than for this to work. I was so tired of being afraid. I just wanted Zelch gone. I wanted to feel safe again. And I didn’t want to have to worry about dragging the people I loved into it. “I just hope he doesn’t find out and it backfire on us. I don’t want to incur his wrath anymore than I already have.”

 

She nodded. I could see different emotions dancing in her dark eyes. I knew she was worried about me. “I know. I know you’re afraid. But this is a good thing, Ritsu. This is a step in the right direction. I swear, the next time I see Jun I’m going to give him a big sloppy kiss.”

 

I smiled despite the image that conjured up. “Please don’t.”

 

“I won’t.” She squeezed my hands again. “But don’t be afraid to let yourself feel hope. It’s what keeps us going.”

 

I blinked and met her gaze. I shook my head slowly. “You’re pretty wise, you know that?”

 

“I know.” She said with a wink. “It’s one of those things you love about me.”

 

“That’s very true.”

 

We spent another half hour talking about trivial things. She went back to the first subject and demanded intimate details on my sex life with Jun. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. She was no less nosy now than she was when we met. I asked about Sil and she told me they were the same as ever. She seemed happy.

 

I left after giving her a hug in order to catch the bus. If I walked to school, I would be late. Our breakfast had turned into a brunch. My first class started in about twenty-five minutes, which was just enough time for me to get there.

 

I arrived on time and took the two tests I had scheduled. Sion wasn’t in either of those classes, so I was relatively bored. I was stopped by my professor on my way out.

 

“Mr. Barai from the school board would like to have a word with you today.”

 

I frowned. “Do you know what for?”

 

“No, that’s all I was told.” He shrugged. “Do you know where his office is?”

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

I left his classroom and headed that way. I couldn’t think of what he might want. The only thing that came to mind would be my occasional lap in attendance. My grades were good, but it was true that I had been absent on more days than was strictly acceptable. But if that was the case, I should’ve heard about it before finals, at least.

 

It only took about ten minutes to walk to Mr. Barai’s office. I paused in front of it and knocked on the door. It was only a moment before I heard his gruff voice call me in. He was standing behind his desk with a handful of papers in his hand that he was going over. He was a slender man with boring brown hair that he combed to the side. His voice was gruff and scratchy from years of smoking.

 

He glanced up as I entered the room. “Ah, Mr. Amori. Perfect timing. Please take a seat.”

 

I moved across the room and did as I was told, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from him. “I was told you wanted to speak with me?”

 

“Yes, that’s right.” He nodded and took a seat in his chair. “I’ll get right to the point so that you can go. It’s about your tuition for the remaining semesters.”

 

I frowned lightly. “What do you mean? It should all be paid for?”

 

“Originally, it was. But after you changed your major, it also changed the amount of time you’re in school for.” He said, folding his hands on his desk. “Your tuition was paid for up until now. Meaning that next year, your graduating year, is not paid for.”

 

I blinked back my surprise. This being an issue had never even occurred to me. My father had paid for all of my tuition up front and it had never crossed my mind again.

 

“Your father has been contacted, as he paid for your tuition until now,” He continued with a grimace. “But he informed us that he will no longer be paying for your education.”

 

I could only imagine the ear full he had given them. I’m sure he used colorful words and spouted things that weren’t anyone’s business. I felt sympathy for Mr. Barai for having to deal with him. I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking. “When is the deadline?”

 

“July 20th.”

 

I closed my eyes and blew out a long breath. That was a lot of money to come up with in two months. Opening my eyes, I met his gaze. “Okay. I will get back to you on this.”

 

“Perfect. Thank you for coming in.” He said, his business smile in place. “That’s all I needed to talk to you about. Do you have any questions?”

 

I shook my head as I stood, reaching out to shake his hand. “No, sir. Thanks.”

 

I left the building quickly in hopes of making the bus. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Even as an escort, I couldn’t make that kind of money in two months. I gritted my teeth as I walked, anger bubbling just under the surface. I should have known this was going to be an issue. I should have asked someone if everything was paid off. I had just assumed it was, because my father had taken care of it. Well, he wouldn’t be taking care of it now. I’m sure he made that very clear to Mr. Barai. I knew that even if I did bring myself low enough to ask him for help, he would turn me away. That was a given.

 

I would almost rather die than bring myself to ask him for help.

 

I rode the bus to the nearest stop to Jun’s apartment, all while debating what I should do. For once, I was glad that Jun wouldn’t be home yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've given up trying to estimate how long this will be. I underestimate how long I can drag things out. So bear with me, because it will be done when it's done.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile (a bit too long).

 

I didn’t tell Jun about the tuition that night. I didn’t tell him that morning, either. I didn’t know how to bring it up without it coming off as me asking for money. And that’s not what I wanted from Jun. I wasn’t with him for his money and I wouldn’t take any from him. I also felt like part of me knew that if I brought it up, he would offer me the money to cover my tuition. I just wasn’t comfortable with that. I didn’t want to put us in that situation. I most certainly did not want to take money from him.

 

He could tell something was off with me. He asked and I denied that anything was wrong. He didn’t believe me, but he didn’t pry. I will eventually tell him. But I want to figure out what I want to do, first. He was already doing so much for me. The whole plan with Zelch, that was all him. I’m even living with him. He won’t accept rent or utility money from me. There was no way I could ask for anything more than what he has already given me. I don’t want to worry him or impose on him anymore than I already have.

 

I had early classes the next morning so I went to bed after dinner. Aside from us both knowing I was distracted by something, the night and following morning were normal. We had become accustom to living together. Neither of our schedules could be called a routine but we had grown use to it. I had grown use to him leaving before I was up or coming home late when he had meetings. And he was used to my sporadic school and work schedule.

 

I was earlier to school than I needed to be and had about half an hour to kill. I was currently walking down the hallway to the bathroom closest to my next test. Sion wouldn’t be in this test either, so I couldn’t get him to amuse me for the next half hour. I entered the bathroom and did my business before I dropped my bag by the sink. I washed my hands before turning the water to cold and splashing my face. I sighed softly as I looked at myself in the mirror. There were bags under my eyes, showing how restlessly I slept last night. I looked tired. I _felt_ tired. I felt like there was a weight on my shoulders that kept piling up. My father. Masashi. Zelch. Tuition. The endless lies that have fallen from my lips. How long until the weight of it all crushed me?

 

I knew this was just me being negative. I knew that. There were so many good things and people in my life, too. Like Nanase and Jun. My job. But in this moment, they all seemed far away. Hard to focus on. Crushed under my own negative feelings of fear, frustration, and fatigue.

 

I vaguely heard the door open but I didn’t give it much thought. I stayed where I was, my hands on either side of the sink, holding my weight. The person that rounded the corner and became visible in the mirror was someone I had been avoiding for well over a month now. I caught his dark gaze in the mirror, and saw surprise light up his features.

 

“Ritsu,” Masashi said. He hesitated behind me, holding my gaze in the mirror. “It’s been awhile.”

 

“Yes it has.” I replied evenly, the same distant tone in both of our voices. It was amazing to me that we could go from being so close to so distant… Almost like strangers.

 

He looked tired, but otherwise well. His hair was longer than he usually kept it. It was a yearly thing, something that always happened around this time. He always said he was too busy with finals to find time to have it cut. It gave him a bit more of a scraggly look, but it didn’t deteriorate his attractiveness.

 

“You alright?” He asked, his dark eyes on my face. “You look really tired.”

 

“I am tired.” I attempted a smile. “But I’m okay.”

 

He smiled back tentatively. “That’s good, then.”

 

I nodded. I had been avoiding him for so long, but I didn’t feel the need to run away now. I was honestly getting tired of running away. “What about you? How are finals treating you?”

 

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “Better than some. It’s going okay, I think.”

 

“You sound so confident.”

 

He chuckled softly and rubbed the back of his neck. “You know it. I studied hard but I’m still nervous about it. What about you? How are finals going for you?”

 

“Alright.” I shrugged. “I feel pretty good about everything I’ve taken so far.”

 

“Well, that’s good.”

 

I nodded, sighing softly. I missed the days we were able to talk at ease. Even now, we were walking on eggshells. Things would never be the same between us. It wasn’t possible. Not with the way I still felt about him. It was getting easier, but I wasn’t there yet. Jun’s presence helped a lot with that, but I just wasn’t there yet. I looked back up at him and asked about the one person that had always stood between us. “How’s Ishihara?”

 

He blinked down at me and exhaled. “She’s good. She asks about you sometimes.”

 

“And what do you tell her?”

 

“That we had a falling out.” He shook his head. “I didn’t give her a real reason.”

 

I nodded. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to spin another lie. Saying we had a falling out was as close as he could get without actually lying. “That’s what I told her, too.”

 

He looked surprised at that. “You talked to her? When?”

 

I found it interesting that she didn’t tell him about our conversation. But I couldn’t blame her. “It would have been awhile ago now. About a month, I guess. She didn’t tell you?”

 

“No, she didn’t.” He shook his head again. “She was asking about me?”

 

“Yeah, she was. She wanted to know if I knew if you were seeing someone else.” I dropped my gaze, the inevitable guilt gnawing at my gut.

 

“What did you tell her?” He asked quietly.

 

“I told her that I didn’t know, but that I doubted it.” I stood up straight and turn to face him. “That was pretty much it.”

 

He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Thanks, then. Sorry you had to do that.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” I leaned down and picked up my bag. “I’ll see you around, Masashi.”

 

“Alright.” He said, making no move to stop me. “It was good to talk to you.”

 

“You, too.” I didn’t look at him again as I left the bathroom. I headed down the hall to the classroom where I had to take my next test. I tried not to dwell on the conversation with Masashi. I had too many other things to worry about right now. I didn’t need to add him to the list.

 

My phone rang as I walked up the steps to take a seat. I pulled it out of my pocket and read the caller I.D. Ran’s picture lit up my screen. I answered.

 

“Hey, Ran.”

 

“Rit-chan!” He said with barely contained enthusiasm. “What are you doing at this very moment in time?”

 

“I’m getting ready to take a test.” I replied. I set my bag and books down and took a seat. “What are you up to?”

 

“I’m talking you into something on short notice.”

 

I laughed softly. “Oh really?”

 

He hummed lightly. “Yes, really.”

 

“Okay, what are you talking me into?” I said, not even trying to guess. It was hard to say with Ran.

 

“Dinner.” He replied chirpily. “With everyone.”

 

“Dinner? That’s awfully tame of you. And who is everyone?”

 

“Zin, Hibiki, Sion, me, you, Jun if he can, and Mama.”

 

“Oh, good.” I replied, a smile pulling at my lips. “Renji’s coming. Maybe you will behave yourself.”

 

“Fuck you, Rit-chan.” I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “Hibiki said the exact same thing.”

 

“That’s because we know you so well.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. The only reason we’re not going to a club is because Renji wants to introduce us to his new boy toy.” He only sounded _slightly_ disappointed that he wasn’t going to be able to be as wild as usual.

 

“Oh, the paramedic or whatever he was?” I asked. I could vaguely recall Renji talking about someone like that last time.

 

“Nope, sounds like it’s someone else. I’m not positive, though.”

 

“I see. Well, when is dinner?”

 

“Tonight! When have I ever given you more notice than that?” He laughed at himself.

 

I rolled my eyes. “That’s very true. Alright, I’ll see if Jun can go. I’m free, though. Text me where and what time.”

 

“Yay! I can’t wait. Make sure Jun comes.” He demanded. “It’ll be like a quadruple date. How cool is that?”

 

I snorted. “Pretty cool, Ran.”

 

“I can all but taste your sarcasm. You’re no fun.” He said, although he laughed. “I’m hanging up now. See you tonight!”

 

The line went dead and I put my phone down. I shook my head and smiled. He was such an idiot. But I needed this. Some time with the guys would be great. It might give me some time to clear my head of all this bullshit.

 

-

 

I worked an afternoon shift and got off at four. Our manager was really flexible and easy to work with. Well, he was probably just use to working with college kids. We aren’t always the most reliable.

 

I took the bus and walked home from the nearest station. I had talked to Jun around noon and told him about dinner. He said he was going. Dinner was at seven, and Jun said he’d be home around six.

 

By the time I got home, it was four-thirty. Which gave me plenty of time to shower and if I felt really ambitious, study. Finals were over on Friday and I could hardly wait. A summer vacation sounded amazing right about now.

 

After I showered, I dressed in gray jeans and a green v-neck shirt. I didn’t need to dress up too much for this. We were just going to a nice little steak house, nothing real fancy. The only fancy places I’d been with Ran were clubs, anyways. But I’m sure that Renji wanted to ease his new boyfriend into this rowdy bunch. We were definitely a group that would take some getting use to.

 

I cleaned the apartment up for the second time that week, which is another way of saying I was procrastinating. When I ran out of cleaning to do, I also ran out of excuses. I got my textbooks and notebooks out and sat down on the couch with them. I absently turned the TV on for background noise.

 

I studied and wrote notes like a good student for a solid forty minutes. Too long but not long enough. I set all my books down on the coffee table in a messy fashion before I sprawled out on the couch. I hugged one of the pillows to my chest and sighed. I idly watched the news channel that was on TV. It wasn’t interesting but I was too lazy to change the channel. I was mostly just too lazy to get the remote from the coffee table.

 

It wasn’t too long after that that Jun came home. Looking at the clock on my phone, it was a little after six.

 

“Welcome home.” I called out habitually.

 

“Hey,” He answered, appearing in the doorway of the living room. “How was your day?”

 

“It was alright.” I replied. “How was yours?”

 

He shrugged, idly tugging off his black tie. “It was mostly good. Better now.”

 

I smiled at that. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

 

His mouth quirked up into a smile. He walked over to the couch and I moved my feet so he could sit down. Once he did, he moved my feet onto his lap. He began massaging them and I all but melted into the couch. “You know something? Coming home to you is my favorite part of every day.”

 

I could feel my face heat up with his words. He was so smooth with words, and at the same time so genuine. Looking into his blue eyes, I didn’t doubt that he meant that. I felt my smile widen. “You must really like me.”

 

He chuckled softly, his hands kneading my feet. “I do.”

 

“Well for the record,” I said playfully. “I’m also pretty attached to you.”

 

“I’m well aware.” He said with a wink.

 

I just smiled and closed my eyes as he massaged my feet. It felt good after a long day. There really was something calming about Jun.

 

“You said dinner was at seven, right?”

 

I nodded. “Yeah, and it’s about fifteen minutes from here.”

 

“Alright.” He replied. “I need to shower and then I’ll be ready.”

 

I peeked an eye open as he set my feet aside and stood up. “Want help?”

 

He smirked before leaning down and kissing me slowly, his fingers ghosting under my chin. He pulled back before either of us could prolong it, that amused twinkle present in his eyes. “We both know that we won’t make it to dinner on time if you ‘help’ me.”

 

I snorted in discontent but I knew he was right. We would be very late. “Fine, fine.”

 

“You’re insatiable.” He said with a chuckle as he walked toward the bedroom.

 

I laid there for a few minutes before I sat up and started gathering my books up. I neatly put them back where they went. I went back to the living room and turned the TV off before grabbing my coffee mug and returning it to the sink.

 

Jun was done in the shower shortly and then dressed quickly. He wore jeans and a black button down with sleeves that came just past his elbows. Unless he was wearing a tie, he always left the top three buttons undone. It left just enough skin exposed to tease me, and make me want to undress him. Well, I always wanted to undress him.

 

We left the apartment barely before seven. Which was fine, it was unlikely that everyone would be on time anyways. I smiled as I listen to Brisk purr as Jun stopped at a stoplight.

 

“You said Renji is bringing his new boyfriend?” Jun looked over and asked.

 

“That’s what Ran said.” I answered with a nod. “You’ve met Renji, right?”

 

“A few times at the shop.” He shrugged. “I never talked to him for very long, though.”

 

“I thought that was the case. You’ll like him. He’s much more tame than the rest of us.”

 

He smiled at that. “I wonder if he prepared his boyfriend for Ran.”

 

“I hope so.” I chuckled. “Ran takes some getting use to.”

 

“No doubt.”

 

“He was a little over whelming for me when I first met him.” I admitted with a chuckle. I had never met anyone like him (still haven’t) and at the time, I didn’t know what to think. He grew on me rather fast, though. He was hard not to like.

 

“I can imagine.” Jun replied, his tone amused. “He’s a force to behold.”

 

“There’s no doubt about that.”

 

We talked idly for the rest of the short drive. I was already in a much better mood now than I had been at the start of the day. Jun had that affect on me. And I was looking forward to seeing the guys. They always lifted my spirits.

 

“I don’t think I’ve been here.” Jun commented as he pulled into a parking space outside the restaurant.

 

“I haven’t, either.”

 

He unbuckled his seat belt. “Shall we?”

 

I did the same and nodded. “Yep.”

 

We got out of the car and headed toward the front entrance. He grabbed my hand and linked our fingers together as we walked. I didn’t protest it, but I could feel my cheeks redden. I was so unused to public affection. I didn’t dislike it or anything, it was just still so new to me. It didn’t seem to phase Jun at all, though.

 

He squeezed my hand, almost like he could read my thoughts. It was reassuring.

 

It was easy to find our group. We spotted them almost as soon as we walked in. Or more like, we could hear Ran laughing. They had two tables pushed together toward the back of the restaurant. Ran, Sion, Hibiki and Zin were all there.

 

We explained that we were with them, and the staff let us be. We walked over to join them. Ran hopped up when he saw us, a large smile splitting his lips.

 

“Ritsu!” He exclaimed, rounding the table to hug me.

 

I let go of Jun’s hand in favor of returning the hug. “Hey, Ran.”

 

He squeezed me tight before letting go. “It’s been too long.”

 

“Yes, it has.” I agreed, although it wasn’t that long ago that he and Sion were over.

 

Hibiki and Zin stood to hug me as Ran moved on to hug Jun. Jun didn’t even seemed surprised as he was enveloped in the blonde’s arms.

 

“Hey, guys.” I greeted them. “How’s it goin?”

 

Zin went in for a hug first. “We’re good. How are you?”

 

“I’m good.” I replied, squeezing Zin before I released him to hug his boyfriend. “It’s good to see you guys.”

 

“Likewise.” Hibiki replied, smiling as he leaned in to return the hug.

 

“Sit, sit!” Ran said, pushing me toward the table after I released Hibiki. “Mama said he’s running a little late.”

 

My eyes landed on Sion as I moved toward the table. I smiled at the male. “Hey, Sion.”

 

“Hey.” He replied. “Been awhile.”

 

I rolled my eyes and nodded. “A whole day.”

 

He smiled back.

 

Jun sat in-between Zin and I and across from Ran. I sat across from the still empty seat.

 

“I ordered you both a drink,” Ran started sliding the two glasses closer to us. “But I wasn’t sure what Jun would like.”

 

“I’m fine with anything.” Jun replied, picking up the glass closest to him.

 

I hummed my agreement as I picked up my own glass. I took a swig and nodded. Ran did know what I liked.

 

“How’s school, Ritsu?” Hibiki leaned forward to ask. He was at the head of the table on the other side.

 

“It’s alright.” I shrugged. “Finals week is killing me.”

 

“Same, man.” Sion agreed with a light groan.

 

Hibiki chuckled. “That does not sound fun.”

 

“You guys go to the same school, don’t you?” Zin asked.

 

I nodded, glancing around Jun at him. “Yeah, that’s right.”

 

“Unfortunately.” Sion sighed with sarcasm.

 

“Shut up, you love it.” I retorted.

 

He smiled lightly and discreetly flipped me off.

 

Jun laughed beside me, amused by our exchange. He slipped his hand over onto my thigh and winked at me.

 

I slipped my hand over his and squeezed. I was glad that he enjoyed my friends.

 

“On another note,” I started, my eyes settling on my blonde friend across the table. “I’m surprised you settled for only dinner.”

 

It took Ran a moment to realize I was talking to him. He looked over at me and then frowned. “Why does everyone assume I’m incapable of a normal evening?”

 

I raised an eyebrow at him in response.

 

“Okay, fine,” He sighed in exasperation. “I may have tried to convince Renji that we should also go clubbing, but what’s wrong with that?”

 

“My point exactly.”

 

“Normal people don’t go clubbing in the middle of the week.” Hibiki added, raising his glass to his lips.

 

“It’s Thursday, guys.” Ran rolled his eyes. “It’s pre-Friday.”

 

“I have tests tomorrow.” Sion said, shaking his head. “Clubbing tonight was a no go for me.”

 

“Same.” I agreed. The last thing I needed was to take tests with a hangover. And I would have a hangover. You didn’t go out with Ran and return home functional.

 

“I have an early meeting…” Jun added his two cents.

 

“None of you are any fun.” Ran rolled his eyes. “A light hangover never killed anybody.”

 

Zin piped in at that, raising an eyebrow. “Light?”

 

“Or a heavy one…” Ran mumbled in defeat.

 

We laughed. Ran looked exasperated with us. He was too easy to mess with.

 

We lapsed into light conversation, all of us idly looking over the menu. We were waiting until Renji arrived to order. Ran was still working at the flower shop with Renji, and seemed to love it. Zin and Hibiki were still working at the same restaurant. Hibiki tried, and failed, to keep his boyfriend from bragging about his cooking. Hibiki seemed exasperated, or perhaps embarrassed, but I thought it was sweet. It was so obvious how much Zin adored his boyfriend.

 

Renji appeared by my side, his hand landing on my shoulder. His hair was pulled back into a bun. He was smiling. “Sorry we’re late.”

 

I smiled back and stood to hug him. “No worries. It’s good to see you.”

 

“Likewise.” He replied, giving me a hard squeeze before he stepped back. “It’s been a while.”

 

“Yes it has.”

 

“Hey, Renji.” Zin greeted as he stood to get a hug as well. Hibiki followed after him. After everyone had gotten their greetings in, I introduced Jun.

 

“Renji.” I said to get his attention. He released Ran and turned to look at me. “This is my boyfriend, Jun.”

 

Jun stood to shake his hand but Renji went in for a hug, instead. He released him and smiled. “We’ve met before, right?”

 

Jun nodded. “A time or two.”

 

“Well, it’s good to see you again, then.” Renji said. “You better treat Ritsu like gold.”

 

Jun laughed, an easy smile slipping over his face. “I most certainly try.”

 

Renji winked at me.

 

“Where’s the boy toy?” Ran chimed in, taking Renji’s arm in his own. “I will be so disappointed if he didn’t come.”

 

“Disappointed because we could’ve gone clubbing?” Hibiki jibed with a snort.

 

Ran waved his hand like he could wave the comment away. “No one asked you, Hibiki.”

 

Renji chuckled and ruffled Ran’s hair. “He went to the bathroom.”

 

Ran nodded his approval. “Is he nervous?”

 

“If not, he probably should be.” Hibiki said, his eyes glinting with amusement as they landed on Ran again.

 

Ran indiscreetly flipped him off.

 

“I think he is-.” Renji stopped and glanced behind him. “Ah, here he is.”

 

“Did I miss anything?” I heard him ask. His voice sounded vaguely familiar but I couldn’t see him at the angle he approached.

 

Renji pulled him up beside him, a cheeky smile spreading over his face. “Not too much.”

 

My mouth popped open as he came into view.

 

His voice was familiar because I _did_ know him. He stopped next to Renji, a charming smile splitting his face.

 

I unconsciously took a step forward as I found my voice.

 

“Tanaka?”

 

His eyes snapped to me and surprise lit up his features. It took him a moment to respond, no doubt processing the fact that he was seeing me. A faint frown creased his features. “Ritsu?”

 

I smiled in response, a surprised laugh escaping my lips. “Holy shit, it is you.”

 

Renji glanced between us curiously. “You two know each other?”

 

“Yeah,” Tanaka said, a smile spreading back over his face. “We do.”

 

I stepped forward and enveloped him in a hug, unable to help myself. I was so eternally grateful to this man for everything he had done for me.

 

Tanaka chuckled as he returned the hug. “It’s been awhile.”

 

“Yes, it has.” I breathed against his shoulder. I stepped back and released him. I glanced between the two of them. “The two of you, huh? Small fucking world.”

 

“It must be.” Renji smiled. “How do you two know each other?”

 

I exchanged a look with Tanaka before I shook my head. “Really long story. Tanaka helped me out tremendously a while back.”

 

No one ever needed to know that I had almost slept with him in an upset fit of frustration and hurt.

 

Renji blinked up at the man beside him. “Really? I’d like to hear about that.”

 

“ _That_ Tanaka?” Jun asked, stepping up beside me.

 

“Yes.” I nodded, meeting his curious gaze. Then I gestured between them. “Tanaka, this is my boyfriend, Jun.”

 

“Jun?” He glanced at me, recognition crossing his features. Then, he reached to shake his hand. “I’ve heard about you.”

 

“And I, you.” Jun said as he returned the handshake. “I’m incredibly thankful for what you did for Ritsu.”

 

“I only did what anyone would do.” Tanaka replied, his green eyes holding Jun’s.

 

“That doesn’t make us any less grateful.” Jun said automatically as he stepped back.

 

“I’m missing so many pieces of this puzzle.” Ran said from beside Renji, a look of confusion holding the blonde’s face.

 

“I think we all are.” Renji replied, his curious gaze returning to me.

 

“Well, long story short,” I started, holding Renji’s gaze as I spoke. “He saved me from Zelch.”

 

Renji’s jaw went slack as he turned his gaze to the man beside him.

 

Tanaka rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. He looked unsure he wanted all this extra attention.

 

“Really?” Zin asked, stepping forward. When I nodded, he moved to give Tanaka a brief hug. He spoke as he stepped back. “I’m Zin. And that’s my boyfriend, Hibiki.” He said, gesturing to the tall male behind us. “And anyone who has helped Ritsu is more than welcome in this grouping.”

 

“No doubt.” Ran interjected, going in for a quick hug as well. “I’m Ran. Everybody’s favorite. And that’s my boyfriend, Sion.” He pointed at Sion, the only one still sitting down. Sion waved.

 

Tanaka chuckled as Ran spoke. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

 

Renji elbowed him in the side. “And you were worried they wouldn’t like you.”

 

“I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about that.” I chuckled. Even if he didn’t have this connection to me, they would still like him. He was just a good person.

 

Tanaka just smiled. “So it would seem.”

 

“Everybody sit down.” Ran ordered, rounding the table back to his seat. We complied and returned to our seats. Tanaka sat at the head of the table next to me, and Renji sat across from me.

 

“So, tell me how you two met.” I asked them as I took a swig of my drink.

 

They exchanged a fond look before Tanaka spoke. “I met him at his flower shop.”

 

“Oh,” I started to nod and then I realized something. “ _Oh._ When you sent me that get-well bouquet?”

 

“Yes.” Tanaka gave an affirmative nod. “That’s how we met.”

 

Renji pursed his lips as he was putting all the pieces together. “Those were for Ritsu, huh?”

 

“They were.” Tanaka replied, his gaze on Renji. I was still trying to picture them together. It felt like two separate parts of my life were colliding. It was a similar feeling to when Ran and Sion got together, but not as surprising since I directly introduced them.

 

This was more like indirect introduction. They met _because_ of me, but not through me.

 

It was weird to think about.

 

I refocused on the man across from me. “Those were lovely flowers, Renji.”

 

“I’m glad you liked them.” He said with a small laugh.

 

“What do you do, Tanaka?” Hibiki spoke up from across the table.

 

Tanaka replied with a smile on his face. “I’m a therapist.”

 

“Oh?” Zin piped in, his interest peaked. “What sort?”

 

“Mostly trauma victims.” He replied. “I also get a lot of couples, though.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Zin nodded. “That’s pretty cool.”

 

“Do you like it?” Ran asked, leaning around Renji.

 

Tanaka nodded. “Yes, quite a lot.”

 

“He’s good at it, too.” I added, thinking about the time he helped me through a panic attack. There was something extremely calming about him. He certainly knew what he was doing. He’s also the one who recommended I give this relationship with Jun a chance.

 

I slipped my hand over and intertwined my fingers with Jun’s.

 

He looked down at me and smiled. The kind of soft, genuine smile that made me feel like I was precious to him. He lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine.

 

I smiled in response, giving his hand a tight squeeze as he lowered them. This man really was too good to me.

 

Our waiter came and took their drink orders. He started taking our food orders, starting with Ran and making his way around the table to give Tanaka and Renji a bit more time to look over the menu.

 

We all lapsed into easy conversation for awhile after that. Tanaka asked everyone what they did, and if they enjoyed it. He fit right in, and seemed to be at ease. Not that this was a hard group to get along with. All of us were accepting of people of all kinds. It would be too hypocritical for us to be judgmental, at least those of us here that worked at the escort shop.

 

Everyone kept that on the low, unsure of how much Tanaka knew. Their relationship was still fairly new, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t know yet. I doubted Tanaka would be scared off by it, though. He knew I had been an escort and he hadn’t judged me.

 

Still, finding out your boyfriend use to run an escort shop would be rather surprising.

 

My attention was diverted to Ran as he stood. “Zin, come to the bathroom with me.”

 

Zin looked across the table at Ran. “Why?”

 

“Cause it’ll be fun.”

 

Hibiki raised an eyebrow at the two. “Is this going to be like the time he took your pants off?”

 

Zin rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. “Can’t we let that go?”

 

“No.” Hibiki chuckled. “Not in this lifetime.”

 

Ran rounded the table and tugged a protesting Zin along.

 

“He asked me to go with him a few minutes ago.” Sion said, smiling at their retreating backs. “I told him no.”

 

“You got away with that?” I feigned shock.

 

Hibiki gave Sion a thumbs up. “Sounds like Ran has met his match.”

 

Sion rolled his eyes. “He lets me get out of very few things.”

 

“How did you two meet?” Renji asked him.

 

Sion sighed and pointed across the table to me. “His fault.”

 

“I think it was actually Nanase’s fault.” I said, smiling at the memory. At the time I could only think of Ran and Sion in the same room as a train wreck waiting to happen.

 

“You were her accomplice.” He shrugged. He looked back over at Renji. “We met through Ritsu. And then Ran pestered me non-stop until I gave in to whatever he wanted to drag me to.”

 

“Sounds rough.” Renji said with a laugh. “We all know how Ran is.”

 

“Yeah, Ritsu didn’t warn me about that.” Sion said. Despite his words, he was smiling. “And then one thing led to another and I asked him out.”

 

Renji winked at him. “You guys look good together.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

It was only a few minutes later that Ran and Zin returned, bickering every step of the way. Ran returned to his seat and planted a kiss on Sion’s cheek. They really were cute.

 

“You didn’t cheat on me in there, right?” Hibiki asked, looking about as serious as he could.

 

Zin rolled his eyes but didn’t get a chance to respond.

 

Ran leaned forward, his brow creasing into a frown. “He asked me all kinds of obscene questions.”

 

Hibiki raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

 

“I swear to god, I’m going to kill both of you.”

 

They both just laughed and air-fived, obviously pleased with themselves.

 

Our food arrived and they diverted their attention from picking on Zin to eating.

 

I was having a good time. I really did need this. The negative thoughts that consumed my mind this morning seemed so far away right now. Getting together with these guys always made me feel better. Spending time with just Jun had the same effect, but with everyone here I didn’t have time to think about anything. They were loud and rowdy, and never left anyone out. We were probably a little too rowdy for a restaurant like this.

 

Ran declared that the next time we all got together, we would have to go clubbing. No one was surprised by this, and no one protested. It might be fun. Renji hadn’t gone with us in a long time and seeing Tanaka loosen up like that could be entertaining. Not that he was uptight or anything. But he certainly had that therapist-and-also-a-father thing going on. I also hadn’t gone clubbing with Jun since we started dating.

 

Despite everyone’s protesting, Jun paid the tab. Everyone was trying to explain to the waiter how the tab would be divvied up, and he started to look very confused. So Jun gave him his hard and waved him away. He got a lot of protests for it but he just smiled and said that it was his pleasure.

 

Now we were all standing out in front of the restaurant, saying our farewells. Zin pulled Jun into a conversation, so I stepped aside to talk to Tanaka.

 

“You still smoke?” Tanaka asked as he lit up a cigarette.

 

“I do.”

 

He handed me the one he had just lit and pulled another out of his pack.

 

“Thanks.” I said as I took it. I took a long draw off it, and let it out. I haven’t been smoking as much lately. I didn’t like smelling like smoke all the time and I knew Jun wasn’t a huge fan. He never said anything about it, though. I sighed softly as I looked over at our group. Ran was excitedly saying something to Renji and Sion. I shook my head. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around you and Renji.”

 

He chuckled softly, smoke billowing out of his nose as he did. “Me too. I was really surprised to see you here.”

 

“So was I. Small world.” I agreed, smiling. “Take care of him, yeah? He’s a great guy.”

 

“I will.” He nodded as he watched Renji, too. He was laughing at something Sion said. “It hasn’t been very long, but I think he’s a keeper.”

 

“I know how you feel.” I replied softly, my gaze traveling to Jun.

 

His gaze shifted to Jun and then me. “When did you two get together?”

 

I thought about that for a moment, my gaze sliding to his. “I’m pretty sure it was the day after I saw you last.”

 

He raised his eyebrows and then laughed softly. “I guess you took my advice to heart.”

 

“I did.” I smiled as I drew off the cigarette again. “It was good advice.”

 

“I’m glad it’s working out, then. He treats you well?”

 

I nodded. “He does.”

 

“Good.” He reached over and ruffled my hair. “You deserve it.”

 

“Thanks, Tanaka.” I smiled.

 

“Hey!” Ran called. “Come over here and say goodbye to me!”

 

I rolled my eyes as I put my cigarette out. “Coming.”

 

Tanaka followed behind me after he had put his own cigarette out.

 

I walked over and Ran declared a group hug. We all squashed each other and laughed. Sion looked reluctant but one look from his boyfriend had him joining. That just made me laugh harder.

 

We all said our goodbyes and were reminded by Ran that clubbing was next on the agenda. We all went our separate ways, and soon I was slipping back into Brisk.

 

Jun slipped his seatbelt over his chest before he started her.

 

“Thanks for coming with me.” I said, looking over at him.

 

He leaned over and kissed me, his hand ghosting over my jaw. He winked when he pulled back and slid Brisk into gear. “Of course. I enjoy them.”

 

“I’m glad.” I said with a soft laugh. Sometimes it was hard to pretend that his kisses didn’t leave me breathless.

 

I could pretend all I wanted, but I’m pretty sure he knew the effect he had on me.

 

His blue gaze slid over to me again. “Did you have fun?”

 

“I did.” I nodded. “I needed that.”

 

His lips quirked up into a smile. “I know you did.”

 

I didn’t doubt that one bit. He was often _too_ perceptive. “It was surprising seeing Tanaka.”

 

“It was.” He agreed. “I’m glad I got to meet him, though.”

 

I nodded my agreement. I watched the city pass us by as he drove. His hand found mine again and we talked about the evening as we went home.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, sorry for the wait. Hopefully the length makes up for it at least a little bit xD

 

 

Jun was gone by the time I woke up. He had an early meeting and had to head in to prepare for it.

 

I crawled out of bed and gathered clothes. The first thing I did was shower to wake myself up. It was Friday, and the last day of finals week. I could hardly wait. No school for three months sounded like bliss right about now.

 

That is, if I can attend next year. The thought turned my mood sour. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. It was so much money to come up with in just two months. Even as an escort, I couldn’t have made that much.

 

I would have to get a second job. Possibly a third. Even then, it wouldn’t be enough. I still had my apartment to pay for, too. Although in reality, it didn’t look like I’d be moving back there anytime soon. Jun would let me move the rest of my stuff in. There’s not that much there, anyways. I might have to figure out how to slide that into a conversation. I’d already paid this months rent, but if I could get out of that apartment before next month… Well, that was just that much more money toward my tuition. Every penny counted, at this point.

 

I dressed for the day and then headed into the kitchen to prepare coffee.

 

To my great appreciation, there was already coffee in the pot. The red light on the pot indicated that it was still on, keeping the pot warm.

 

God bless Jun.

 

There was a note stuck to the top of the machine, written in neat cursive. It read:

 

“ _Good luck with your last day of finals. I hope it goes well. We’ll celebrate tonight. See you then, baby.”_

 

There was a little heart drawn at the end, with a cute curly tail.

 

I couldn’t help but smile. That man was too good to me.

 

I made myself a cup of coffee to go, slipped Jun’s note into my bag, and was out the door.

 

I was walking onto campus when my phone rang. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and checked the number. I didn’t recognize it, but I hit send.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Is this Ritsu?” A deep, male voice came over the line.

 

“It is.” I replied, giving a soft exhale of relief that it wasn’t Zelch. “Who is this?”

 

“This is Daisuke.” He replied. “Is this a good time?”

 

“Oh, Daisuke.” I smiled. “This is a good time. What’s up?”

 

“I was wondering if you’re free later today? I know it’s short notice, but my sketch artist called me this morning and said he has an opening today.” His voice was apologetic.

 

“What time?”

 

“Four?”

 

“That should be fine.” I replied, silently thankful that I didn’t have to work today. “Where?”

 

“Perfect. _Ito Investments_ is where I told him to come.” He answered smoothly. “I can send you the address if you don’t have it.”

 

“That would be great.” I said. “Thank you.”

 

“Of course. I’ll see you later, then.” He said. His voice has the same lilt when he was smiling that Jun’s did.

 

“Alright, see you.”

 

I hung up and shoved my phone into my pocket. It wasn’t a minute later that my phone buzzed again, signaling a text. It was the address. I saved Daisuke’s contact before I put my phone away again.

 

I wasn’t looking forward to having to describe Zelch to someone but the thought that it could get us that much closer to this being resolved spurs me on. I can do it.

 

The rest of the school drug slowly. My lasts tests were hard, but I felt pretty confident that I did well. I had managed to get a decent amount of studying - and procrastinating - done in this past two weeks.

 

Sion was in one of the tests, so I got him to amuse me for quite a while. We had lunch together and talked about last night. He really did seem happy with Ran. We ran into Masashi while we ordered food in the cafeteria. Our conversation was short and a tad awkward, but for the most part fine. There was a decent amount of tension between Sion and Masashi still (mostly from Sion). Sion had grown rather protective of me and it didn’t seem like he’d be forgiving his former friend anytime soon. I honestly think I would be forgiving Masashi long before Sion did.

 

Although, my feelings were a bit more biased. Everything was so black and white for Sion. I tended to live more in the gray shades of life.

 

After lunch, we parted ways and went to our last test. It was quite possibly the longest test I’ve ever taken, but I think it had more to with the fact that it was the last test of the year. I left the test with a feeling of excitement, knowing I wouldn’t have to be back there again for nearly three months. If I got to come back, that is.

 

I received a missed call from Sasha during my last test. I hadn’t spoken to her since our father was in the hospital. I was sort of surprised it had taken her this long to contact me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was in a heap of trouble for involving me at the hospital. She left a voicemail that I listened to on my way off of campus.

 

“ _Hey, Ritsu… It’s Sasha. You’re probably at school right now. I’m so sorry it’s taken this long for me to call. Mom and I were in a lot of trouble with dad. Not that that’s any excuse… I really am sorry. I didn’t think he would react like that. Anyways, I hope you’re doing alright now. I hope we can talk soon. Miss you. Bye bye._ ”

 

I felt myself soften as I listened to the message. I didn’t blame her by any means. Or our mother, for that matter. Only my father. I missed having Sasha in my life, and I wasn’t going to hold this against her. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I made a mental note to call her and see if we couldn’t meet soon.

 

By the time the bus showed up, it was 3:15. I didn’t have time to go home first. So I rode the bus to the stop nearest my destination. Pretty soon I was downtown, the view obscured by large buildings and skyscrapers. It was a rare occasion that I had cause to come down to the business side of downtown and the area was unfamiliar. However, the streets were crowded so I wasn’t worried about the few blocks I had to walk once I got off the bus.

 

The Ito’s office building was huge, to say the least. It was enormous, and I could hardly see the top standing outside of it. It was glass from the top to the bottom. Just looking at it made me feel intimidated. I checked the time on my phone. I was early.

 

I entered the building, knowing I looked incredibly out of place. The inside was just as beautiful as the outside. The walls were white, with tasteful gray trimmings.

 

I walked over to the front desk where a brunette woman sat behind with a business smile and a pretty navy blue pantsuit.

 

She looked at me as I approached, her hazel eyes taking in my appearance. I almost expected her to ask me if I was lost. What she said instead, surprised me.

 

“Are you Mr. Amori?”

 

I slowly nodded. “I am.”

 

I must have looked confused, because her face softened a tad. “Mr. Ito told me to be expecting you. I’ll let him know you have arrived.”

 

“Thanks.” I said with another nod. I looked around the room as she contacted someone with her headset.

 

“He’s ready for you, Mr. Amori.” She said, regaining my attention. She gestured to the elevators off to her right. “The twentieth floor.”

 

“Thank you.” I replied with a smile as I headed for the elevator. I entered it and hit the button for the twentieth floor. There were twenty-five floors in total. I tried, and failed, to imagine what anyone would need twenty-five floors for. The elevator was fast, and I scarcely had time to notice that it played stereotypical elevator music. The elevator doors opened to reveal a waiting room of sorts, with couches off to the left and a desk on the right. A blond sat behind the desk, typing away furiously at her keyboard.

 

“Mr. Amori, welcome.” She looked up as I approached. “Mr. Ito will be right out. Please have a seat.”

 

I thanked her, and did as I was told. I sat on the couch opposite her desk, and picked up one of the magazines off the coffee table. This room had the same white walls and gray trimmings. The couches themselves were white with gray trimmings. Just thinking about how easy they would be to stain made me nervous to be sitting on them.

 

The blond walked over to me after a few minutes, heels clicking against the hard floors. “May I get you anything, Mr. Amori? Water, soda, or perhaps coffee?”

 

Although a coffee sounded tempting, I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

 

She nodded and took her leave, walking back over to her desk. She must be an assistant of some kind. She had the same headset that the lady in the lobby wore, and her hair was pulled back into the same type of tight business-like bun. She went back to typing at her keyboard.

 

I idly went through the magazine, mostly looking at the pictures and having little interest in the articles themselves. I couldn’t help but be distracted by the room around me. I knew that Jun came from money but this… I had never pictured this. And to think that Jun was to inherit this business… It was a little bit mind-blowing.

 

It begged the question; what did he see in someone like me? He could have anyone. He was rich, charming, and beyond attractive.

 

Me? I was average. I went to an average university, had an average upbringing, and had average looks. The only thing unique about me was that I had been an escort. And that wasn’t exactly a bonus feature.

 

I shook my head and picked up a different magazine. There was no use worrying about this right now. I was only making myself insecure. I had bigger worries and besides, I didn’t doubt Jun.

 

No, the one I doubted was myself.

 

About ten minutes later, one of the double doors to the office swung open. A tall man in a very nice, black suit exited the office and walked over to the elevators. Daisuke came out a step behind him, dressed in a dark gray suit. He spotted me and smiled, as he followed the man to the elevator. He shook the man’s hand as they waited for the elevator. They exchanged farewells and the man said he’d be in touch, before he stepped into the elevator.

 

As soon as the elevator doors were closed, Daisuke’s attention turned to me. He waved me over, a charming smile splitting his face. I stood and walked over.

 

“Ritsu, welcome.” He said, gesturing me to follow him into his office. I did, and his assistant stood to close the door behind us. “I trust Tessa was accommodating?”

 

I nodded, assuming he meant the blonde. “She was.”

 

“Good.” He rounded his large oak desk and sat behind it. “Sit.”

 

I sat in the plush chair across from him. The room was a steel gray but the wall behind him was all glass. The lights were on, but there was enough natural light shining in through the window that they really didn’t need to be.

 

“How are you?” He asked, reclaiming my attention. He was organizing papers into a folder.

 

“I’m good, thank you.” I smiled as I met his gaze. “And yourself?”

 

“I’m peachy.” He returned, sliding the folder into a drawer in his desk. “Jun should be back soon. He’s running an errand.”

 

“Alright.” I replied, silently relieved. I had been wondering if he would be here. I knew he would want to be.

 

“I actually told him you would be here a bit later.” His smile turned a bit apologetic. “I wanted to speak with you.”

 

If those words weren’t enough to send my heart into my throat, I don’t know what would be. I managed a surprised - and nervous - “Oh?”

 

“Yes.” He folded his hands in front of him on the desk. “My investigator has been going off of what he can. He has been going off the basic description of him that you gave Jun, at least until the sketch is done. So far he’s had little luck. He’s hoping the sketch will be helpful. However, in looking for him, he had to look into you.”

 

I felt the blood drain from my face as I held his gaze. My fingers suddenly felt cold, and it was likely I was going to break out into a cold sweat at any moment. I _knew_ that’s where this was going. I had told Jun I was afraid of this. Unable to take the pressure, I lowered my gaze and swallowed.

 

What could I possibly say to this man? Jun’s family was wealthy and well respected. There was no way, simply no _way_ this man could accept someone like me.

 

“Did you quit for my son?”

 

I didn’t pretend that I didn’t know what he was talking about. I shook my head slowly. “No… I quit for myself.”

 

It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. I had quit for selfish reasons.

 

“I see.” He said. “Look at me.”

 

It took me a moment to gather my courage, but I did.

 

“I’m not judging you here, Ritsu.” He said, his voice losing the business tone. “Jun doesn’t care about your past, and neither do I. All I care about are my children’s happiness and the success of this company. And frankly, since meeting you, this is the happiest I’ve seen Jun in a long time.”

 

I was stunned into silence. I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. There was no way.

 

“He laughs more now, you know.” He continued. “He does all of his work, but he is always eager to go home. He didn’t use to be. He stayed behind to work more often than not. His coworkers tease him a lot, now. They all say ‘where are you running off to with that stupid grin?’” He paused, a smile lifting the corner of his lips. “Do you want to know what he says, every time?”

 

Swallowing, I nodded. I couldn’t trust my voice enough to speak.

 

“He says, ‘I have someone waiting for me at home.’”

 

I couldn’t help it, I began to cry. I was not strong enough to listen to this man accept me, even praise me, and _not_ cry. He had every right to reject me, every right to deny our relationship. Of all of the people in the world, I would understand him being against us. I had nothing to offer Jun except for myself.

 

I bent my head and lifted my hands to my face.

 

“So, that’s why I’m not going to give you the ‘I want what’s best for my son and you are not it’ speech.” He chuckled softly. “And quite frankly, I like you. You are a witty kid who has been dealt shitty cards.”

 

He fell silent and let me take my time to respond. Gathering myself up was hard. The tears came unbidden, and my shoulders shook with the emotions that coursed through me. I had expected rejection, disgust and even anger but this… The amount of relief I felt was overwhelming and an immense gratitude swelled in my chest.

 

It took me a few minutes to gather myself up enough to respond. I wiped at my eyes as the tears stemmed enough for me to speak. I lifted my head and met the older man’s eyes. I hoped he could see what I wanted to convey.

 

“Thank you.” I said, my voice cracking in an unattractive way. “Thank you. You have no… no idea how much that means to me.”

 

“Don’t thank me.” He smiled kindly. “It’s what any decent father would say.”

 

“No…” I shook my head slowly. “Only an extraordinary father would say that. Thank you, truly.”

 

“I simply do the best that I can.” He replied with a faint lift of his shoulders. He then reached into a drawer and passed me a box of tissues. “Here. If Jun thinks I made you cry, he’ll kick my ass.”

 

I pulled a tissue out gratefully, dabbing at my eyes in a manner that wouldn’t leave them red. Hopefully. A small laugh bubbled over my lips. “I won’t let him.”

 

“I’ll be counting on your protection, then.” He laughed in turn. “Now, the-“

 

He was interrupting by the ringing of his office phone. He hit a button and then spoke. “Yes?”

 

“I have Jun on the line for you, Mr. Ito.” A smooth female voice came over the line on speaker.

 

“Thanks, Tessa.” He replied. “Put him through.”

 

She did, and a moment later Jun’s familiar and comforting voice was floating over the line.

 

“Hey, dad.” He said. “I’m almost back. Is Ritsu there yet?”

 

Daisuke glanced across the desk at me. “Yes. He’s sitting here with me now.”

 

“Alright.” There was a short pause. “You haven’t said anything weird, right?”

 

A smile slipped over Daisuke’s lips as he held my gaze. It reminded me of when Jun was about to say or do something naughty.

 

“No, nothing of the sort.” He answered evenly. “I’ve been instructing him on how to properly address me.”

 

“Do I even want to know what that means?” Jun asked, his voice taking on a hint of exasperation.

 

“Well, I like ‘dad’ best,” Daisuke said, his smile widening. “But I’m not unopposed to ‘daddy’, either.”

 

“You didn’t.” Jun tone went flat. “Please tell me you are joking.”

 

“I like this one, Jun.” His father went on, ignoring him completely. “He’s real trainable.”

 

I had to stifle a snicker, my own smile splitting my face. I could only imagine the expression Jun was wearing right now.

 

“I’m on my way up.” Jun said. There was a _ding_ of the elevator doors closing to confirm it. “Please refrain from saying another word for the next thirty seconds.”

 

The line went dead with a _click_ and we both started laughing.

 

“He’s way too easy to mess with.” Daisuke said, an amused glint to his eye.

 

I wiped my eyes again with the tissue.“I don’t often get to see that side of him.”

 

Daisuke returned the tissues to their drawer. It wasn’t a minute later that Jun came into the room. I glanced over my shoulder and then stood, slipping the tissue into my pocket as I did. He was wearing a black suit that fit him exceptionally well, if I do say so myself. He also had three Starbucks coffees on a cardboard cup holder.

 

“Hey.” I said as he approached, a smile lifting my lips.

 

“Hi.” He smiled back and handed me one of the coffees. “Here.”

 

He chuckled at the way my face lit up like a Christmas tree. I took the warm beverage gratefully. “Oh, thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” He replied, handing his father a cup. He thanked him. “Has he been behaving himself?”

 

“Absolutely.” I answered and glanced at Daisuke. “Our conversation has been very constructive.”

 

Jun looked liked he wanted to grimace. “I don’t think that’s good.”

 

Daisuke feigned hurt. “You don’t trust me?”

 

“Not in the least.”

 

He just chuckled in response. “That’s probably smart.”

 

“Is Hittori here, yet?”

 

Daisuke nodded. “He’s downstairs. He’s ready for us.”

 

“Will you give us a minute?” Jun asked him.

 

“Of course.” The older male nodded again and stood from his chair. He gave me a brief smile, grabbed a file and his coffee before he rounded the desk. He left, closing the door tightly behind him. I could vaguely hear him saying something to his assistant.

 

I turned back to Jun, expectant. “What’s up?”

 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” He asked, concerned blue eyes analyzing my face. It was so like him to get straight to the point. “Because we can reschedule. I know this was my idea, but I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

 

I smiled despite myself. Truly, what did I do to have a man like this in my life?

 

I closed the distance between us and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. He was tall, and I had to lean up on my toes to reach his lips. It helped that he leaned down automatically to kiss me back.

 

I stepped back and linked our hands, giving a light squeeze. “I’m sure. I need to do this.”

 

He was silent for a moment, trying to find any hint of uncertainty, but then he nodded. “Okay. Let’s do it, then.”

 

He squeezed my hand back before he dropped it. We walked to the door but he paused in front of it. “My father really didn’t say anything?” He turned toward me again, brows knitting together. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but your eyes are red… And if he said something that upset you-“

 

I was shaking my head before he was even finished. “He didn’t say anything. I mean, he did. But nothing that upset me. He’s a really great man, Jun.”

 

His exhale of relief was audible, his frown easily replaced with a smile. “That’s good, then. I was just making sure.”

 

He opened the door and held it for me. He closed it behind us and I waved at the blonde assistant.

 

“Mr. Amori.” She said with a smile and a nod. “Mr. Ito. Good day.”

 

He nodded at her. “See you later, Tessa.”

 

We entered the elevator and Jun hit the button for the fifteenth floor. My gaze slid over the buttons and my question came back to me. “Why are there so many floors?”

 

Jun just smiled. “It’s a big business. There’s a floor for everything. The twenty-fourth floor is made of of four suites for out-of-town guests, although some of them choose to stay in hotels. The twenty-fifth floor is an apartment. It’s meant for my dad but he prefers to stay at home unless he ends up working really late.”

 

I blinked at him. “The entire twenty-fifth floor is an apartment?”

 

“Yes.” He confirmed. “It has three bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, a dining room, two bathrooms, a workout room, and an office.”

 

“That’s not an apartment, Jun.” I said. “That’s a house.”

 

“It is basically a house.” He replied with a small chuckle. “I’ll show it to you later, if you want. It has a great view.”

 

“I would like that.”

 

We arrived on the fifteenth floor, which was made up of cubicles and employees tapping furiously at their keyboards. Rooms lined the left and back walls, which I assumed were offices or meeting rooms. As we made our way to the back wall, several employees greeted Jun when they saw him. He always smiled and greeted them back.

 

He opened the door to Conference Room 3, as was stated on the door, and held it open for me. I walked through it and he closed the door behind us. The room was made up of a long table with rolling black chairs on either side. The theme on this floor was no different, white walls and gray trimmings. The back wall was glass. Daisuke sat at the opposite head of the table, and he was talking to a man I presumed was the sketch artist. He had brown hair that was spirally out of control, with streaks of gray that didn’t match his age. He didn’t look a day over forty and his green eyes were sharp as they flitted in our direction.

 

“Mr. Hittori,” Daisuke said as we approached. “I believe you have met my son. And this is Ritsu.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you.” He stood and shook my hand. “Mr. Amori, was it?”

 

“Ritsu is fine.” I smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

 

“Good to see you again, Mr. Hittori.” Jun reached to shake the older man’s hand, a business smile slipping over his face. “I trust the Mrs. is well?”

 

“She is, thank you.”

 

We took our seats, and Hittori had me sit next to him. Jun sat on my other side, I think more for moral support than anything else. Hittori got straight to the point, which was not surprising. He didn’t seem like someone to beat around the bush.

 

He started by asking me various questions about Zelch. How did he carry himself? What sort of look was in his eyes? Did he do anything noticeable when he was agitated?

 

I didn’t always understand what his questions had to do with sketching, but I answered them the best that I could. While I was thinking about it objectively, as if I was answering questions on a quiz, it wasn’t that hard.

 

Hittori started shifting his questions to features and that’s when he began to sketch. He was fast. I could barely replicate a flower and he was fishing out a face with nothing more than my words to go on. I made small corrections along the way. Sharper jaw line, cleft in the chin, eyes more almond shaped, slightly crooked nose.

 

Describing him wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I focused on his features and not the memories that accompanied them. I was doing good.

 

The problem was when the drawing _really_ started to look like him. When there were less flaws to focus on, and most of what was left was refining it. When I didn’t have anything to add, I couldn’t ignore how _much_ it looked like him. It felt like his sharp eyes were staring at me from the page.

 

My next breath stuttered on it’s way out and I forced myself to look away. I looked out the window across from us as I tried to steady myself.

 

It was impeccably hard.

 

All at once it felt like I was drowning.

 

Because all I could hear was the sound of his voice and the words that spilled from his lips. All I could see was the disgusting sneer on his face and all I could fucking _feel_ were his hands on my body.

 

And red. I could see red. It was my blood, wet as it slipped down my face and into my eyes. It was too much, _too much,_ and I didn’t know how to stop it.

 

My chest felt tight, the wires of panic closing in on me faster than I could stop it.

 

I don’t know how long I stayed like that, but the next thing I remember is Jun’s voice breaking through the haze. I blink once, twice and the image behind my eyes is replaced by his concerned face.

 

My breathing was shallow and rapid. I had a death grip on the arms of the chair I was sitting in, my knuckles white and fingers stiff. It took me a moment to realize Jun had spun my chair toward him, and that’s why I was no longer looking out the window.

 

I hadn’t even noticed him do it.

 

“Ritsu?” Jun said softly, leaning toward me. His hands were wrapped around either arm of my chair, but he wasn’t touching me. “Are you alright?”

 

I looked back up at his worried gaze. It was obvious by the look on his face that he already knew the answer to that question, but still felt the need to say it. He didn’t say anything more while I tried to pull myself together. It took me several minutes but focusing on him helped. I slowly loosened my grip on the chair and flexed my fingers. It took me another minute to regulate my breathing.

 

“Sorry.” I whispered, dropping my gaze.

 

This… episode had not been nearly as bad as the one I had at Tanaka’s place. Or in the bathroom at school with Sion. I could feel the tight wires of panic slipping away already. All that was left was a sense of exhaustion.

 

Jun shook his head and his voice was soft. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

 

I sighed and reached up to rub my forehead, fingers absently running over the healed wound. There wasn’t even a mark left, anymore.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

I slowly spun my chair to look at Daisuke and I nodded. “I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

 

The two men shook their heads in unison, both eyeing me with some form of sympathy. Daisuke spoke first. “Don’t apologize. Hittori, can we be done for today?”

 

“Of course.” He responded. “I have everything I need.”

 

“Perfect.” Daisuke stood. “Jun, take him upstairs. Let him rest before you go home.”

 

Jun nodded automatically but I shook my head. “I’m alright, really.”

 

He didn’t take no for an answer. “I insist.”

 

The look on their faces told me I didn’t have them convinced, which was not surprising. The three of us stood, and Jun and I took turns shaking Hittori’s hand. I thanked him for this but he just smiled and said it was his job. Jun and I left first and made our way to the elevator. He pressed the button for the twenty-fifth floor. He didn’t say anything until the doors closed, and then I could feel his eyes on me again.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Ritsu?”

 

I looked over at him and offered a small smile. “I think so.”

 

He wasn’t convinced. He looked worried and he didn’t even attempt a smile.

 

I reached for his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I did feel mostly okay. I was still uneasy, but I mostly just felt tired now, and maybe a little bit like I was walking under water.

 

I really just wanted all of this to be over.

 

Jun intertwined our fingers without a second thought. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Jun led me out into a small open space and we paused in front of a door. He punched numbers in on the keypad beside the door, and a moment later we heard the _clunk_ of it unlocking. He let go of my hand and opened the door, gesturing for me to go in first. I did, stepping into a large open space. There was a large double-doored closet on the right side of the entryway, assumably for coats and shoes. The floor was linoleum, the same dark gray as the trimmings downstairs. The walls were white, and there was a coatrack to my immediate left.

 

Jun took my elbow and led me into the next room, which turned out to be the living room. And also about the size of my apartment. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it was seriously huge. It had a large L-shaped black leather couch and an enormous flat screen TV.

 

The kitchen was on the left. It was open to the living room, presumably so that you could speak with company or watch TV while you cooked.

 

Jun left me standing there and walked over to the TV. He gripped the gray curtain that was along the entire back wall, and gripped it where it split behind the TV. He pulled it all the way open, letting light pour into the kitchen and living room. He had been telling the truth, the view was spectacular. It overlooked a lot of the city, with few buildings obscuring the view, and had a perfect view of the sunset. The sun was going down now, and was tinged with pinks and oranges.

 

“Wow.” I breathed, moving closer. “That is quite a view.”

 

“Yes it is.” Jun finally did crack a smile at that, albeit small. He diverted my attention and directed me towards the kitchen.

 

“Sit.” He instructed, pointing at one of the bar stools in front of the island counter. “Do you want anything?”

 

I sat down with a shake of my head. “No, thanks.”

 

“Alright.” He sat down beside me and reached for my hand again. We were both silent for a while. I think he didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t sure how to help him along. His presence was comforting, though. Just being with him made me feel better. He always made me feel a sense of security, like everything was going to work out. But then again, things did usually work out when he was involved. He was always there for me. When I needed to not be alone in my apartment, he had me start staying at his place. He wouldn’t let me pay rent or any of the utility bills. I was basically freeloading. And then he even proposed a solution for Zelch. I wouldn’t have thought this up myself, nor would I have had the connections to get it done. I really don’t know what I would be doing to avoid Zelch if it weren’t for Jun.

 

“Do you think it would help to talk about it?” Jun said finally, breaking the silence.

 

“I don’t know.” I said as I lifted my gaze to his. “It might.”

 

“I think you should try counseling, Ritsu.” He said. “I think it would help. Of course, if you thought you could talk about it with me, you know I would do that. But I don’t know how much help I can be, or that I would know what questions to ask.” He lifted his lips in a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “And I know that talking to a stranger is sometimes easier.”

 

I dropped my gaze and nodded. He was right on both accounts. I didn’t think I could talk to him about this. Not in the depth that I probably needed, anyways. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of trust, I trusted Jun more than anyone. But there truly were things that you couldn’t say to someone you were close to. Because you want to appear okay to them and you don’t want them to worry about you while you are struggling to put your life together.

 

“It doesn’t have to be a stranger, though.” Jun went on, sounding slightly discouraged by my silence. “Tanaka is a counselor, right? You could use him, if you are more comfortable with that. He already knows the circumstances, doesn’t he?”

 

“He does.” I answered with a faint sigh. “But… that’s not it. I’m fine with seeing a counselor, whether it’s Tanaka or someone else.”

 

“But?”

 

“Jun, I can’t afford a counselor.” I admitted, silently dreading the words I knew were going to spill from his lips.

 

He didn’t even have to think about it.

 

“I’ll pay for it.”

 

“No.” I shook my head and pulled my hand from his. “I don’t want you to do that.”

 

“Why not? You’re my boyfriend and I-“ He paused, seeming to catch himself. “You would do the same for me.”

 

While there was no denying that, I still shook my head stubbornly. “I don’t want you to pay for it. You’re already letting me live with you.”

 

“Letting you?” He said, and I think he almost sounded a little hurt. “Ritsu, I asked you to move in with me because I care about you and I want you to be safe.”

 

I felt guilty, but I wasn’t exactly sure what for. My voice was quieter when I spoke. “I know, Jun. I don’t doubt that.”

 

He sighed and I’m not sure if it was in irritation, exasperation or defeat. He didn’t sound angry when he spoke, though. “Alright. What about your part-time job? Would it not cover one or two sessions a week?”

 

“No.” I shook my head again. “I’m still paying for my apartment and-“ I caught myself from nearly spilling it about my tuition problem. “And I don’t make enough at the restaurant.”

 

“Get rid of the apartment.”

 

I looked up and finally met his eyes again. “Are you sure?”

 

He nodded without hesitation. “Of course I’m sure, Ritsu. I wouldn’t say so otherwise. But we’ve been going so well, I really don’t see the need for you to hang onto it anymore. We can move the rest of your stuff in and figure out what to do with the furniture you don’t need.” He paused then and his eyes seemed to search mine. “Unless you feel like you need it and we aren’t going as well as I think we are.”

 

I reached for his hands then, feeling the immediate need to reassure him. “No, we are. I also think things have been going really well. Better than well, really.” I squeezed his hands and offered a smile. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re sure.”

 

His face split in a smile. “I’m sure.”

 

“Okay. Then I will get rid of the apartment.” I confirmed and I felt immensely relieved in that moment. The apartment was a problem that I had needed to bring up. With my tuition problem, I really couldn’t afford to keep paying for it.

 

“And the counseling?”

 

“I’ll go.” I said. “If I don’t have the apartment, I’ll be able to afford it.”

 

The sigh he released sounded like relief. “Good. Then that’s settled.”

 

We stayed for a while longer and Jun showed me the rest of the apartment. It was huge, and absolutely beautiful. It made me wonder what the Ito’s house was like that Daisuke would choose not to live in this apartment. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know.

 

I wonder how long Jun had been wanting to bring up counseling. I think seeing me panic like that freaked him out. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t considered counseling before. I had. Money and making time for it were always the excuse I made. But I really did need help. Using Tanaka was something that had occurred to me, too. I knew him and I would be comfortable with him. I didn’t have to decide just yet, anyways.

 

I stayed in the lobby while Jun finished up a few things, and then he drove us home. I felt better, and I really hoped the sketch helped them get somewhere. Jun seemed to be in higher spirits, too. We went home and had a good evening together, and didn’t speak another word of the future.


	40. Chapter 40

 

I woke up with the knowledge that I didn’t have to go to school on Monday. It was a blissful feeling. Jun had crawled out of bed some time earlier this morning, mumbling something about paperwork and told me to go back to bed. So I did.

 

I moseyed out of bed about nine-thirty. I grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and then brushed my teeth as I waited for it to get hot. As I stripped and climbed into the shower, I couldn’t help but wonder why I hadn’t gotten coffee first. Oh well, too late now.

 

I had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair when the shower curtain opened. I looked up, a bit surprised, and saw Jun standing with a towel around his waist.

 

“Want help?” He asked, a smirk dancing over his lips.

 

A smile split my face and I winked at him. “Always.”

 

He dropped the towel and stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind him. He ducked his head under the spray and got his hair wet. I took a moment to admire his toned body, something I did anytime I got the chance. The man really was too sexy for his own good.

 

He caught my gaze and lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

 

“Oh, nothin’.” I picked the shampoo up and handed it to him. “Just admiring the view.”

 

He took the shampoo and set it down on the shelf. It teetered and fell, but he didn’t spare it a glance. He closed the short distance between us, lifting a hand to place on my chest. He pushed until I stepped back and hit the cold wall behind me. There was something burning in his eyes, and I swallowed under his gaze.

 

His lips pulled into a smirk and I suspected it had something to do with the fact that he could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

 

He inched forward tantalizingly slowly, ever the tease, and it felt like his fingers were burning into my skin. He stopped, his mouth hovering over mine, and lifted his hand to trace lightly along my neck before drifting into my wet hair. His fingers tightened and his eyes burned into mine as he tilted my head back.

 

His eyes flicked to my lips and a split second later his lips captured mine. His mouth moved against mine insistently, wasting no time before his tongue glided across my bottom lip. I granted the access he was seeking and parted my lips, relishing in the feeling of his tongue against mine.

 

I was too lost in him, unable to form a coherent thought, to do anything with my hands and I’m not even sure when I moved them to rest against his sides. He made my head spin in the most intoxicating way.

 

He broke the kiss and caught my bottom lip between his teeth, causing a shiver to run up my spine. He was so unfair and he knew it. His fingers released their hold in my hair and he slid both hands down my sides before he cupped my ass, pulling my body to his. His hard length slid against mine and I bit back a moan.

 

I leaned up and kissed him again, letting my hands run up his body and enjoying the feeling of his toned muscles beneath my fingertips. I clasped my hands together behind his neck and tried to focus on his mouth on mine, and not the way his hands felt cupping my ass and holding me in place. He rolled his hips lightly into mine, and I did moan that time, the sound muffled by his mouth.

 

He pulled away again to trail kisses down my neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. His hands moved to my hips and in one moment he was leaving marks on my neck and in the next he was on his knees in front of me. He gave me very little time to process this before his mouth was wrapping around the head of my cock.

 

“ _Ah,_ J-Jun…” I moaned, the unexpected sensation coursing it’s way up my spine in a shudder. “ _Fuck,_ Jun.”

 

He flicked his tongue over the slit before bobbing down and taking more of me. One of my hands went to his shoulder to steady myself and the other to my mouth to stifle the unattractive sounds that wanted to spill over my lips. I kept my eyes on Jun as he worked me over, setting a quick and punishing pace that had heat pooling in my stomach way too fast. Jun’s tongue could put professionals to shame.

 

I moaned into my hand as I felt myself hit the back of his throat, the sound muffled by my hand. His eyes flicked to mine as he came back up, blue eyes burning bright.

 

He detached himself and lifted a hand to pull at my arm with a small shake of his head. “Let me hear you.”

 

I swallowed and dropped my hand. That was enough response for him to go back to his task and he drug his tongue along my shaft, before he circled the head and dropped back down. He went back to his rigorous pace that had my legs shaking within minutes. I steadied myself with my hand on the wall, and tried to relax my fingers on his shoulder. I would be leaving a bruise on someone with less muscle than him.

 

“Jun, if you-“ I paused on a shudder as he hummed around me, the vibration over my dick. “If you don’t stop - _god_ \- I’m gonna-“

 

He didn’t stop and his blue eyes egged me on, his hands holding me in place. I came with a sharp moan, my words dying on my lips. He swallowed around me, slowly pumping until he was sure I was done. He sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his pupils blown wide and breaths coming short. We stared at each other and tried to catch our breaths. My legs shook with the effort of supporting me and I shifted to lean against the back wall.

 

I smiled lazily. “Damn, Jun.”

 

He chuckled and returned the smile. “You’re welcome.”

 

We were both silent for a moment as we focused on catching our breaths. My gaze shifted down and I nodded at his own problem. “You want help with that?”

 

“Yes, but let’s move to the bedroom.” He said as he stood up, a sigh escaping his lips. “The water is getting cold.”

 

I nodded and watched as he leaned over to turn the water off. He took my hand and led me out of the bathroom, neither of us caring about the discarded clothes on the floor.

 

“Hop up.” He said, leaving me at the foot of the bed.

 

I did, crawling onto the bed where I leaned back against the white pillows while I waited for him. He rummaged through a drawer in his clothes dresser, producing a square packet and a bottle of lube. He returned and crawled onto the bed, tossing the packet beside me. He settled between my legs and pressed a kiss to the inside of my knee.

 

The look in his eyes made me shiver.

 

He leaned up to kiss me, his tongue sliding over my lower lip and enticing me to open up. I heard the familiar sound of a cap being popped open, and only a moment later his slick finger circled my entrance. He wasted no time and slide his middle finger in past the first ring of muscle. He slid it in and out several times before adding a second finger.

 

I hummed into the kiss and my fingers tightened in the sheets, the slight burn of being stretched both familiar and welcome.

 

He broke the kiss and started trailing kisses down my neck, nipping and sucking softly at the skin here and there. His fingers curled into that bundle of nerves that made me squirm, and I let my head fall back as a moan slipped past my lips. I felt him smile against my skin and he chuckled as he curled his fingers again.

 

I shuddered and gasped.

 

He added a third finger after scissoring the two repeatedly, a measure of impatience in his movements but still making sure I was stretched enough. He pumped them in alternating speeds as he trailed his mouth over my body.

 

“It’s enough.”

 

He lifted his head and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips before he sat back on his heels. He slid his fingers out and reached for the condom packet beside me, eyes never leaving mine. He tore the packet open with his teeth, his movements measured and deft.

 

His gaze finally left mine as he slipped the condom on himself, needing the aid of vision to complete the task correctly. I took the opportunity to let my gaze slide down his body, which was irritatingly perfect and all mine.

 

Mine. The word still surprised me sometimes when applying it to another person. Jun was the first person I could truly and entirely call _mine_. It was an indescribable feeling.

 

Jun scooted forward and slid an arm under me, flipping me over with little effort, as if I weighed nothing. And then he was pressing into me, hands on my hips as he slid forward until he was fully seated. He was still for a moment, save for leaning forward to press a kiss to my shoulder blade. He pulled out slowly and pushed back in, once, twice, repeatedly until he was sure that I was adjusted.

 

He sped up slowly until he was pumping into me at a steady pace, and I put my hand on the headboard to keep from sliding forward on the bed. His grip on my hips were bruising, but I didn’t care in the least. All I could focus on was the way he filled me up completely, and the heat that grew with every thrust, building and building on itself.

 

He slid his hand up my back to my shoulder, leaning forward and pushing down until I lowered my chest to the bed. His grip tightened on my shoulder as he leaned forward, hips slapping against mine as he readjusted his angle.

 

“ _Ah,_ fuck Jun, _fuck_!” I moaned as he rubbed more directly against my prostate, twisting my hands in the sheets.

 

“Has anyone ever told you,” He spoke, voice gruff and breathless from exertion. He tilted his hips more directly, slamming into that bundle of nerves until I was sputtering and shuddering beneath him. “How fucking beautiful you are?”

 

My face burned, which I buried in my arm in an attempt to hide, and I was hoping that I was flushed enough anyways for it to not be obvious.

 

I heard him laugh breathlessly above me.

 

“One of these days, you are going to have to get use to flattery.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Flattery wasn’t the problem. _Him_ flattering me was the problem.

 

His hand left my shoulder and a second later wrapped around my dick, beginning to pump at a steady pace to match his thrusts.

 

I sputtered, my hand going to his arm in an attempt to slow his movements. “If you do that, mh, I’m going to come, soon, _really_ soon.

 

“Do it.” He said gruffly, never slowing down for a second. “Come for me.”

 

It didn’t take long and soon I was spilling into his hand and onto the sheets, his name on my lips.

 

He groaned and continued to thrust steadily until his movements became less controlled, more sporadic, and he came, his hand tightening on my hip until I was sure it would bruise. He slipped out of me and leaned forward until his head was resting on my back.

 

We panted in opposing rhythms, chests rising and falling rapidly. I turned my head to the side, and easy smile drifting over my face. “Well, that’s one way to start the day.”

 

He laughed breathlessly, his breath ghosting over my damp skin. “I think we need another shower.”

 

“I think you’re right.”

 

He got up after a moment and leaned over the side of the bed to discard of the condom. He collapsed on the bed beside me and I rolled onto my back.

 

“I think we need to change the sheets again, too.”

 

He smiled and lazily pushed his sweat-soaked hair off his his face. “I think you might be right. But later. Right now we should watch TV and do nothing.”

 

I smiled and reached for the remote. “I think that sounds lovely.”

 

Two weeks went by, quick and simple. I gave my required two weeks notice at my apartment complex. I wouldn’t have to pay a penny next month. In the mean time, Jun and I moved all of my stuff out. There was plenty of room for most of my stuff at his place, aside from some of the furniture. Sil took the couch for her studio, saying it would make a nice addition. I gave Ran the nightstands, which Sion was more excited about than Ran was. The rest I put in a small and very cheap storage unit.

 

I started counseling the second week, like I had promised Jun. After much inner debate I decided to use Tanaka. He already knew the circumstances, he had helped me before and I really didn’t want to explain the whole scenario to another person. It also gave me a good excuse to see him more often.

 

He was surprised to see me, to say the least. I had made my appointment through his secretary so he had no idea I was coming, since I didn’t give her my first name. His surprise was quickly replaced by a warm smile, though, and he said he was glad I had come.

 

Our first session went well. We just broke the ice and didn’t get into anything too heavy. I’m not sure if that’s normal or if that’s his personal friendship with me playing in, but either way I appreciated it. He was professional and only occasionally did his personal feelings ever leak through. Before our time was up, I made sure to ask about him and Renji. He had just introduced his daughter to Renji, and seemed estatic that they hit it off well.

 

I also started working more, or as much as many hours as the restaurant would give me. Which wasn’t very much, as they didn’t have many open slots. I had only signed on as a part-timer, anyways, so it wasn’t surprising. The only real hiccup in the two weeks was when Jun caught me looking around online for a second job.

 

“What are you doing?” He said, leaning on the back of the couch as he stared at the computer screen on my lap.

 

“Nothing.” I said, startled and tried to click out of the window. Not before he saw it, though.

 

“Are you job hunting?”

 

“Sort of.”

 

I set the laptop on the coffee table and stood up, stretching my arms over my head.

 

He watched me round the couch. I was not trying to escape the conversation by going into the kitchen for coffee. I just wanted coffee.

 

“Are you quitting your job?” He asked, following me. “I thought you liked it.”

 

“I do, and I’m not quitting.”

 

I wasn’t being evasive on purpose, either. That wouldn’t be like me at all.

 

“So you’re looking for a second job, then.”

 

I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Yes.”

 

He tilted his head to the side. “Why? You don’t need to work anymore than you do.”

 

I shrugged and looked back down as I poured coffee. “I just want to save some money. I could barely afford all of the textbooks I needed last year.”

 

That was partially true. Textbooks were expensive as hell and I did need to save some money for college expenses next year. I didn’t need another job for that, though. No, my tuition problem was the source of my job hunting activities.

 

Jun was skeptical and it showed on his face. He was silent as I handed him his coffee. In the end, he didn’t say much else about it. I’m not sure if he believed the excuses I kept giving him, but he never brought it up again. I think he was just waiting for me to bring it up.

 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him. It was just that I knew he would offer to pay for it. He would push this harder than he had the counseling, and I didn’t want to fight about it. I didn’t want him to pay for it even though I knew he wouldn’t think I was just after his money. I don’t even think his father would think that.

 

Maybe it was just the principal of him paying for it. I would owe him a substantial amount of money and it might take me years to pay it off. I think I was afraid that if things ended badly between us that I would be still be tied to him with this.

 

And I was too much of a coward for that.

 

On another note, I also contacted Sasha. We agreed to meet soon but had yet to decide when. It sounded like things were rough at home after the hospital incident. Both Sasha and my mom had gotten in deep shit for letting me come, or so it sounded like. She didn’t go into much detail.

 

As of now, we have yet to hear anything back from Daisuke’s people. I’m told that this is normal - these things take time. I had suspected as much but I couldn’t help the anxiety I felt at hearing nothing. I knew they were doing everything they could but I was still nervous that they wouldn’t find anything. I was mostly just afraid that this hope I had let blossom would be crushed.

 

And so things continued as usual. Nanase was pestering me about hanging out with her, something about me not loving and paying enough attention to the queen. I had to agree though, I wasn’t seeing enough of her lately and that needed remedied. Sion occasionally text me to make sure I was still alive and to inform me that Ran hadn’t gotten him killed yet or that he hadn’t killed Ran yet. Which basically meant that they were doing well.

 

Jun and I were doing well even if he suspected something was up with me. We got to spend quite a bit of time together over these past two weeks and it was nice. He tried to go into the office early so that he could come home early, even though I told him it wasn’t a big deal if I was home alone for a few hours in the afternoon. But he insisted because and I quote: “I don’t want you to watch the Dexter reruns without me. And I fucking know you would.”

 

I might have done that once last week. He hasn’t let me forget it -even after I re-watched the episode with him.

 

So, case in point, don’t watch Dexter reruns without your boyfriend. It’s not easily forgiven.


	41. Chapter 41

 

I was flipping through a magazine in Tanaka’s small waiting room, hardly glancing over the pictures of flowers and trees. Tanaka’s magazine pile was boring, consisting of sports, gardening and women’s clothes. Sports bored me, as did gardening, but I had already been through the women’s clothing one last week. It was definitely more exciting than gardening, though. I was more likely to wear women’s clothes than to garden, after all.

 

I didn’t make it all the way through the magazine before Tanaka stepped out of his office, followed by a puffy eyed woman carrying a handful of tissues. They exchanged good-byes and once she left, Tanaka waved me in. I hopped up and joined him in his tidy office, made homey by books, plants and candles.

 

“It’s good to see you, Ritsu.” Tanaka smiled professionally as he sat down in his usual arm chair. “How have you been?”

 

“Alright,” I took a seat across from him. “What about yourself?”

 

“I’m doing well, thanks.” He scribbled something down on his notepad before meeting my gaze. “Why don’t we start by you telling me about your week?”

 

“Straight to business, huh?”

 

His lips quirked up into a smile that reminded me more of the Tanaka I knew outside this building. “Well, you are paying me.”

 

“Good point.” I replied with a faint smile. “My week was alright. I heard from Daisuke yesterday, he called me to let me know they didn’t know anything new. My boss won’t give me more hours and Jun’s been busy and on edge all week. That about sums it up.”

 

“I see.” He said softly, his eyes remaining on mine. “Why do you think he’s been on edge? Is it work related?”

 

I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. “Maybe. He said they’re working on an important deal this week, so he’s been attending more meetings and staying later than usual.”

 

“Why do you say maybe, then? Do you not think that’s the only reason?”

 

I shook my head with a sigh. “I’ve been keeping something from him and I think he knows it. I’ve been more on edge than usual, too, and I’m not good at hiding it.”

 

“Is what you’re keeping from him important?”

 

“Yes.” I nodded. “It is to me.”

 

“So why haven’t you told him?” He asked, his professionalism covering the curiosity I could see in his eyes. “Do you think he won’t find it important?”

 

I shook my head quickly in response. “No, I know he will. The problem is that he’ll try to fix it.”

 

“Is it within his power to fix?”

 

“Unfortunately.” I answered with a sigh.

 

He looked like he wanted to smile. “And that’s a problem?”

 

“It’s _the_ problem.”

 

He did smile then, just barely. “I’m sorry, I’m failing to understand. You have a problem that he can fix, but you don’t want him to fix it. So are you more concerned about the problem itself or the fact that he can fix it?”

 

I frowned. “Both? I don’t know.”

 

“Why don’t you tell me the problem so that I can gain some clarity over the situation.”

 

“I owe for my final year of tuition. The deadline for the first semester is the end of July. I don’t have the money and I can’t come up with it by then, either.”

 

Tanaka nodded slowly and thought for a moment. “And you believe Jun would want to pay for it?”

 

I nodded automatically. “I know he would.”

 

“But you don’t want him to?”

 

“No.”

 

He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Why? You can always pay him back.”

 

I shrugged again and sighed. “I could, but it would take me quite a while. I don’t want to owe him.”

 

“Why?”

 

“What do you mean why?” I replied with a frown.

 

“There is always give and take in relationships. Would you not do the same for him if your positions were reversed?” He asked. “Or do you not trust him enough to rely on him?”

 

“Of course I trust him.” I said quickly, slightly irritated he would suggest that. “I just don’t want to owe him. It’s not something I can pay back quickly, and what if we broke up? We would still be tied together by it.”

 

“So?” He replied. “Do you believe he would hold it over your head? Resent you for it?”

 

“No, but-“

 

“So, what is the problem?” He spoke over me, his voice soft, kind and professional.

 

I blew out a long breath and shook my head. It was hard to put into words why I felt this way so intensely. I was already relying on him for the Zelch thing, so it wasn’t like I didn’t trust him. I did. He had proven trust worthy in many ways. It wasn’t a matter of trust.

 

“Ritsu,” He said to regain my attention. “Is it possible you simply don’t feel worthy of Jun?”

 

I met his eyes, a frown forming on my face. He had caught me off guard and when I opened my mouth to respond, no words came out. I shook my head in confusion. “What does that have to do with this?”

 

“Perhaps nothing.” He tapped his pen against his notebook. “Perhaps everything.”

 

My eye twitched and I almost smiled as I shifted in my seat. “You’re kind of irritating, you know that?”

 

His expression didn’t change but I could see a glimmer of amusement in his green eyes. “You’re avoiding the question.”

 

I blew out a sigh, realizing he wasn’t going to let it go, and leaned my head against my hand. “Of course I don’t feel worthy of him.”

 

His expression visibly softened. “Tell me why you feel that way.”

 

“How could I not?” I said softly, dropping my gaze. “We’re on completely different planes. He’s attractive, well off, has his shit together and knows what he wants to do with his life. I mean, come on, anyone can tell that I’m punching way above my weight.”

 

“You don’t think of yourself as attractive?”

 

“I don’t think I’m unattractive.” I shrugged, my lips twisting into a small smile. “But have you seen him? The man is basically a walking, breathing sex god.”

 

I could tell he found my description amusing, but he wasn’t going to let me stray from the topic. “I have seen him, but I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Trust me when I say you don’t look unnatural standing by his side. And as for him having his life together, you have to take in to account that he _is_ taking over his father’s company. That path wasn’t an option for you, so you are attending college. Why compare yourself to him in that respect when your circumstances have been so different?”

 

“It’s not so much the work and school aspect I compare. I don’t mind where I’m at as far as that goes. It’s just… These past two years I’ve felt everyday like I’m barely making it by. I’ve done things I never thought I would, things I never wanted to do… I’ve just now started to clean myself up.” I sighed heavily.“I guess I just don’t know what he sees in me.”

 

He was silent for a moment as he studied me. “You are referring to your days as an escort?”

 

I nodded slowly. “I’m not proud of it. I’ve been with more men than I could possibly count. Sloppy seconds are one thing, but… I’m on a whole other level. Who would want that?”

 

“Jun knew you were an escort before you started dating, right? Has he ever expressed it as a problem?”

 

“No, never.” I replied quickly. “And yes, I met him while I was an escort. I know it doesn’t bother him, but I… just can’t help feeling this way.”

 

Jun had never, ever, made me feel unwanted or dirty. Those thoughts were my own and had little to do with him.

 

Tanaka sighed softly. “You’re too hard on yourself, Ritsu.”

 

I smiled softly. “Aren’t we all?”

 

“Often, yes.” He nodded. “So if you’re fear of truly relying on Jun stems from your own feelings of unworthiness, and not from a notion he has given you, then perhaps this is something you are meant to overcome. You said Jun knows you are hiding something. Do you think continuing to hide it will improve or hurt your relationship?”

 

“Hurt it.” I said with a measure of defeat. I knew he was right. “I know I have to tell him.”

 

“I think that would be wise.”

 

“You are very irritating, you know that?”

 

He chuckled. “That’s what you keep telling me.”

 

I glanced over at the clock on his side table. We didn’t have much time left. That was fine. This had been enough soul searching for one day. I would probably need a nap after this.

 

“How are you and Renji?”

 

He glanced at the clock as well, and came to the same conclusion that I had. He smiled as he met my eyes. “We’re good. He’s amazing. My daughter loves him.”

 

“Good. I’m glad.” I smiled back. “He’s hard not to love.”

 

“I’m beginning to see that.”

 

I snorted at his expression. “Oh, you poor smitten bastard.”

 

He nodded and chuckled, and I swear he blushed. “I am.”

 

“Luckily for you, so is he.” I said, recalling my last talk with Ran. Tanaka had stopped by the shop last week while Ran was there and Ran couldn’t stop going on about how cute they were.

 

“I’m glad.”

 

——

 

After my appointment with Tanaka, I went back to our apartment and ferociously cleaned while trying to figure out how I was going to tell Jun. I wanted to do it today, while I had the resolve still. Tanaka was right. By keeping this from him, I was only putting a wall up between us. That wasn’t what I wanted at all.

 

I had work later this afternoon, so it would have to be tonight after I got home. Jun would likely be home after me, anyways. He was closing a big deal this week and it has been keeping him very busy. He was gone early in the morning and often stayed at the office until late.

 

After I had cleaned everything in the apartment, including the things that didn’t need cleaned, I showered and got dressed for work.

 

Toward the end of my shift, Masashi came in with a couple of guys I recognized from campus. I was sighing in relief that they hadn’t been seated in my section right up until I almost ran smack into the tall, dark haired male I had been avoiding for the last few months. I steadied my drink tray with my opposite hand, silently thanking the gods I hadn’t launched the drinks all over his chest.

 

“Masashi,” I said as I stepped back. “Sorry, didn’t see you there.”

 

He shook his head. “It was my fault, sorry.”

 

“No harm done.” I gave a slight nod. I moved to pass him but he grabbed my arm and stopped me. I looked at him quizzically and he smiled a small, nervous smile.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were going to come here.” He said. “They invited me out and I accepted but I didn’t know it would be here.”

 

“I asked for time, Masashi. I didn’t say you couldn’t go somewhere I could potentially be.” I half-smiled. “If that were the case, one of us would have failed last semester.”

 

His smile lost it’s nervous edge as he realized I wasn’t mad. “I guess that’s true.”

 

“Well, I have to get back to work.” I said and he let go of my arm. “I’ll see you around.”

 

He hesitated before he blurted out, “When does your shift end?”

 

I looked back at him. “An hour.”

 

“Can we talk?”

 

I stared at him skeptically, visibly hesitating.

 

He noticed. He looked nervous again, rubbing the back of his neck as he had a habit of doing. But he didn’t back down. “Just talk. Catch up a little. That’s all I’m asking.”

 

I sighed and nodded before I changed my mind. “Sure.”

 

I didn’t wait to see his reaction, taking the tray of drinks to one of my tables and apologizing for the wait.

 

The rest of my shift went smoothly. It was a busy night so I was rarely idle. I preferred it that way. Especially since I wasn’t particularly looking forward to talking to Masashi. His group stayed for a little under an hour. I could feel Masashi’s eyes on me at times, but refused to meet his gaze. By the time my shift was done, he was the only one left in the booth. I grabbed my stuff and stopped at his table. “Ready?”

 

He stood quickly and nodded. “Yeah.”

 

I was grateful that it was dark already as we stepped out into the humid night. Today had been unpleasantly hot.

 

He was silent as I led him over the bench in front of the restaurant. The same bench Ishihara had sat on when she asked if he was cheating on her. That seemed like so long ago now, but in reality it had only been a few months.

 

I lit up a cigarette before I sat down with a heavy sigh.

 

He eyed the cigarette but said nothing. He gestured to the bag I set at my feet. “They let you take home leftovers?”

 

I shook my head. “No. I ordered steaks.”

 

“Oh, okay. You get a good discount?”

 

He didn’t say anything about the fact that I had ordered more than one.

 

I shrugged. “It’s not bad.”

 

He was silent for a moment before he looked at me. “How have you been, Ritsu?”

 

I hated the way my name on his lips made me feel.

 

“I’m good. Been busy.” I replied, exhaling smoke with my words. “And yourself?”

 

He nodded. “The same, pretty much. I’ve been working a lot since school ended.”

 

“Same. How are your parents?”

 

“They’re great. Same as always.” He chuckled lightly before he sobered. “They ask about you, frequently. They miss you.”

 

I found myself smiling as I recalled all the fun days I had spent at his house with them. “I miss them, too.”

 

He smiled but there was a tinge of sadness behind it. “Mom pestered me a lot for awhile about you. Told me not to let my thick-headedness ruin our friendship. Dad’s oblivious about the reason, but I think mom knows more than she lets on.”

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” I said. “You share your father’s thick-headedness.”

 

“That’s what mom says, too.”

 

I took a draw off of my cigarette and blew it out slowly. “Mothers know best.”

 

He agreed with a small laugh and we lapsed into silence. I wanted to ask if he had gotten back together with Ishihara, but the words wouldn’t come. It wasn’t a lack of interest. A part of me was curious, but I didn’t know which answer I wanted. I almost hoped they had gotten back together. For some reason, I felt like that would make it easier.

 

If they had gotten back together, the answer was simple. He had chosen her over me.

 

But if they weren’t together… The only answer left was that he didn’t want me.

 

Perhaps that was the case, but I don’t think I want to know for sure.

 

None of it mattered now, anyways.

 

I have Jun, after all.

 

“I miss talking like this.” Masashi said, pulling my attention back to him. He was smiling as he looked over at me. “I miss you.”

 

I exhaled through my nose and silently cursed the way those words still made my chest tighten. “I miss you, too.”

 

I missed the Masashi I had grown up with. The kind, carefree and thick-headed boy that was my best friend. The boy that had always been able to put a smile on my face and had been there for me when my father kicked me out. The boy I loved. He’s changed. _We_ have changed. So much, we have changed.

 

I leaned my head back against the bench and looked at the stars above us. They were hard to see with all the street lights around us.

 

“Do you remember when we were in middle school and you tried out for the soccer team?”

 

I laughed softly at the memory. “That was terrible.”

 

“I don’t know what you were thinking.” He chuckled. “You had never played with a soccer ball in your life, but somehow you got into your head that you were going to make the team.”

 

“They should’ve let me play, I would have been good entertainment for the parents.”

 

“That’s the only thing you would have been good for on the field.”

 

I smiled. I had never been good at sports. I watched one inspirational soccer movie and was convinced I was going to become just like the character. I didn’t make the team and I gave up on my short-lived soccer dreams.

 

“Whoa, nice car.” Masashi said admiringly. “Think I can convince my parents to buy one of those for me?”

 

I sat up straight and my lips quirked up when my eyes landed on the car. “I’d have better luck at becoming a soccer superstar.”

 

I sat in silent surprise as the black Dodge Challenger that I had become so familiar with slid up to the restaurant’s curb. The sleek car purred to a stop a few yards in front of us. The windows were tinted, but I could still make out Jun’s blond hair through the passenger window a second before he stepped out of the car, leaving her idling. He was still in his work suit but he had taken his tie off and popped a few buttons, his jacket open. He looked ravishing in his steel gray suit.

 

Masashi snorted. “You’re probably right. That dude looks loaded.”

 

I laughed softly at his comment as I flicked my cigarette to the ground. I felt like I should feel panicked having Jun and Masashi anywhere near each other, but I didn’t. I felt a little uneasy but not like I wanted to run away. If anyone could make an uncomfortable situation seem okay, it was Jun.

 

I smiled as he approached and stood, crushing my cigarette with my heel. Masashi looked up at me questioningly.

 

Jun smiled back as he got closer. “Evening, Ritsu.”

 

“Hey.” I replied as he stopped in front of us. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

 

“I figured you would be getting off about now so I thought I’d pick you up.” He said with a shrugged, his gaze landing on Masashi. “Co-worker?”

 

“No,” I shook my head and bit my lip. “This is Masashi.”

 

Surprise lit up Jun’s face for a moment, before it smoothed back out. I don’t think it was my imagination that his eyes darkened as he stared at Masashi.

 

“Hey, there.” Masashi stood to shake the taller male’s hand.

 

“You’re Masashi?” Jun voiced, his voice calm as he returned the handshake. “I’ve heard about you.”

 

“Oh?” Masashi asked and glanced at me. “And you are?”

 

“Jun is my boyfriend.” I said, speaking before Jun could. The words felt good on my tongue. I was getting used to saying them, now.

 

Jun met my gaze as I spoke and then his lips turned up a little.

 

Masashi looked at me, surprise coloring his features. He swallowed as he looked back at Jun. “I see. Jun, was it? It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Jun nodded. “It’s nice to finally meet you, too.”

 

Masashi paled as he looked at the taller male, no doubt wondering how much he knew.

 

I bent over and picked the bag of food up off of the ground. “I got us steaks. Are you ready?”

 

“Oh, thanks.” Jun said, stooping to taking the bag out of my hand. “Yeah, I’m ready. Goodbye, Masashi.”

 

“Bye.” He said with a nod. “It was good to see you, Ritsu.”

 

“You, too.” I replied and gave a faint wave. I trailed after Jun and slid into Brisk, giving an appreciative sigh for her beauty.

 

Jun slid in beside me and pulled the seat belt over his chest. He looked over at me with his piercing blue eyes and then past me at Masashi. “That’s him?”

 

I nodded.

 

He looked forward and slid the car into drive, his expression giving away none of his thoughts. But his grip on the steering wheel was tight as we pulled out onto the main road.

 

We were silent for several minutes as he drove. I was trying to determine what he was thinking. He looked on edge, like the slightest thing might set him off. It was hard to gauge what to say by his expression, which gave away so little. It was another few minutes before I got up the courage to speak.

 

“You’re angry.”

 

“How often do you see him?”

 

He spoke quickly, and he certainly did sound angry.

 

“Rarely. This was the first time I have seen him since the semester ended.” I answered truthfully. “And even before that, we saw each other in class but we rarely spoke.”

 

He didn’t look at me. “What did he want tonight?”

 

“Just to talk. To catch up, I guess.”

 

He pulled into the parking garage and parked. “That’s it?”

 

“Yes, that’s it.” I nodded and attempted to swallow my unease. “I swear, Jun, there’s nothing else going on. I-“

 

“Don’t.” He held up his hand to stop me. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I trust you, Ritsu.”

 

Those words were like music to my ears and I felt relief wash through me. Even as I was relieved, I felt myself frowning. He trusted me. This wasn’t the first time he had said so and with such certainty. I couldn’t help the word that slipped over my lips.

 

“Why?”

 

He looked over at me and this time his expression was soft again. “Because I know how much you’ve longed for exclusivity, Ritsu. For something that is yours alone.”

 

I stared at him for a moment before I looked away and swallowed. He got me there. Even if I didn’t like Jun this much, I would never cheat on him. I have been with more people than I can count but not one of them had been mine. I treasure what I have with Jun more than I can put into words.

 

I heard him sigh.

 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just… I never expected to meet him. And when you said who he was…” He said, his words marked by a tinge of anger. “It immediately made me angry. Knowing about what he did to you and then putting a face to the deeds… It took all I had not to break his hand.”

 

I looked at him in silent surprise. I have never seen Jun angry before, not really, and never to the point that he would snap at me. Meeting Masashi must have really hit a cord for him to get this angry. Not that his extreme dislike of Masashi surprised me, I imagine I would have the same reaction if our positions were reversed.

 

He met my gaze and searched my face, as if to gauge my reaction.

 

“So it’s not me that you’re angry with?”

 

“No,” He shook his head and sighed. “I’m not angry with you.”

 

“Good.” I said softly, reaching for his hand. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t know he was going to be there.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” He squeezed my hand. “I didn’t tell you I was coming, either.”

 

“That’s okay. Thanks for picking me up.”

 

“You’re welcome.” He released my hand and turned off the ignition. “Let’s go inside.”

 

I nodded and got out of the car. I followed him to the elevator and we got on. I hit the button for our floor and leaned against the wall with a sigh.

 

“Tired?” He asked as he leaned against the opposite wall.

 

“Very.” I said with a nod. “You?”

 

“Same. How was your session with Tanaka this morning?”

 

“It was good.” I bit my lip, suddenly reminded of what I had to tell him. I had completely forgotten on the ride home.

 

He frowned at my expression. “What?”

 

“I have something I have to talk to you about.”

 

His face smoothed out and he gave me a knowing look as he nodded. “Alright. Go on.”

 

I had suspected that he knew I was hiding something before, but now I was positive he had known. He always seemed to see right through me.

 

I shook my head. “Not here. Inside.”

 

He simply nodded again and we both watched the numbers tick the floors away.

 

I felt myself grow nervous but I wouldn’t back down now.


	42. Chapter 42

  
  


Jun set the bag of food on the counter and glanced at me over his shoulder. “Do you want some wine?”

 

“Yes, please.” I nodded, stepping into the kitchen. I pulled out two wine glasses and set them down while Jun popped the cork on the bottle. He poured both glasses half full and then slid one towards me. 

 

“Thanks.” I said quietly, lifting the glass for a taste. It was a sweet red. Jun knew I preferred sweet wines. 

 

I took a larger gulp of the drink, hoping it would settle my nerves a little. I was nervous, quite possibly more than I needed to be. This was Jun, after all. When had I ever actually needed to be nervous around him?

 

But this was different. This was something I had intentionally kept from him. I was afraid he was going to be angry.  _ I  _ would probably be angry. 

 

Jun sipped from his glass, patient gaze on me. His earlier anger seemed to have evaporated and left only anticipation in it’s wake.

 

I shifted on my feet and blew out a sigh as I let the words tumble from my lips before I lost my nerve. “Do you remember how I told you that I switched majors?”

 

He leaned his hip against the counter and nodded. 

 

“Well, I still owe for my last year of tuition.” I said, gaze downcast. “The board has already contacted my father and he made it abundantly clear that he won’t be paying the rest of it.” I swallowed and chanced a look at him. “That’s why I was hunting around for a second job and asking for more hours at the restaurant.” 

 

“Okay.” He said slowly, deliberately. “How much is it?”

 

“About fifteen grand in total.”

 

“And the deadline?”

 

“Half of it is due July 20th.” 

 

The other half wouldn’t be due until sometime in November, before the first semester ends. That was a worry for another day.

 

“Look at me, Ritsu.” He said, his tone leaving no room for argument. He didn’t continue until I did. “Why did you keep this from me?”

 

It took a lot of effort to continue looking into his bright blue eyes. “I was afraid you would offer to pay for it.”

 

His eyes narrowed slightly and he was silent for a beat. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. 

 

“Well, why shouldn’t I offer?” He said, his brows knitting together. “I have the money.”

 

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’ll get a second job.”

 

“You wouldn’t have made that much as an escort, forget two regular jobs.” He refuted. “Not to mention, I would hardly get to see you.”

 

I acknowledged that with a nod, dropping my gaze to the wine in my hand. “I’ll get a loan.”

 

“And have to pay it back with interest?”

 

“That doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does when you have another option.” He argued, taking a small step toward me. “I won’t charge you interest and I don’t care how long it takes you to pay me back. Honestly, Ritsu, I wouldn’t care if you never paid it back. It’s just money.”

 

My eyes flashed to his, my rejection of that idea evident on my face. “It’s not just money. It’s  _ your  _ hard earned money. It could take me years to pay back.”

 

“I already said I don’t care how-”

 

“ _ I  _ care!” I said too loudly, taking an unconscious step forward. I lowered my voice back to a reasonable level as I continued. “It may not seem like that much money to you, but it’s a lot to me. I would have to work two jobs to save enough to pay it back any time soon. Not to mention that you already don’t let me help with the rent or utilities. Do you have any idea how that looks?”

 

His lips turned down in plain irritation. “Who cares how it looks? It’s no one’s business but ours.”

 

“I care.”

 

He set his glass down carelessly and some of the red liquid sloshed out onto the counter. He didn’t seem to notice or care as he crossed his arms over his chest, smoldering eyes on my face. “Why? Why does it matter what anyone else thinks?”

 

I shook my head and set my own glass down, albeit more carefully. “It doesn’t matter-.”

 

“Then why even bring it up?”

 

“Because…” I frowned, trying to keep my reasonings straight under his glare. “Honestly, I don’t give a damn what other people think, Jun.”

 

“Then-“

 

“But I care about  _ your  _ reputation. Your family and your company are well respected and when you begin the transition to take over the company, your reputation is going to be important.” 

 

His frown deepened, confusion mixing with his irritation. “What does lending you money have to do with my reputation?”

 

“Well… Sometimes people will think less of you because of who you’re with.” I said, struggling to put my thoughts into words. I hurried on when he opened his mouth to interject. “You will most likely have that problem anyways, regardless of who you’re with, simply because you’re gay. But when the time comes, I want to look like I belong by your side. I don’t want to be viewed as someone who got a free ride simply because I’m dating someone wealthy.” 

 

I wanted to look like I deserved him even though I knew I didn’t. Someone like me would never deserve someone like Jun, no matter what Tanaka says. 

 

“No one that knows you will ever think that.” He said, his expression softening. “Besides, you  _ do  _ belong by my side.” 

 

I tried to ignore the way my chest warmed with his words. “I'm sure there are plenty of people who will disagree and what about the people that don’t know me?”

 

He snorted. “Fuck them. I can lend money to whoever I damn well please. If that person just happens to be my boyfriend, what does it matter?” He took a step forward, closing the short distance between us. “Let me help you, Ritsu. I promise it won't affect my reputation.” 

 

I searched his eyes for any signs of doubt but, unsurprisingly, found none. Only sheer determination, as always when it came to something that had to do with me or my well-being. I realized all at once that I wasn’t going to win this fight. Not without damaging what we had or pushing him away. 

 

I wasn’t willing to risk us over some money.

 

I dropped my gaze to his chest and swallowed. “You're going to regret it.” 

 

My voice sounded smaller, having lost its edge. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Getting in this deep.” 

 

He cupped my face with both hands, tilted my face up and kissed me, but not before I saw the smile on his face. 

 

“Not a chance.” 

 

I gave in. Jun signed a blank check and gave it to me, telling me he didn’t care how much it was for. I told him I would see how much I could save until then and only use the check for the balance. He was fine with that but made me promise not to get a second job.

 

We sat down to a movie with our steak and wine. I couldn’t help but feel relieved that the argument hadn’t escalated passed that, but at the same time I felt silly. I had made a big deal out of this only to give in, in the end. I’m just about positive that we would still be standing in the kitchen arguing if I hadn’t given in, though. Jun was rather stubborn when it came to me. 

 

“You’re not mad?” I asked during the movie, looking over at him. “That I kept it from you.” 

 

He considered me for a moment, blue eyes reflecting the light from the TV. Finally, he shook his head. “I’m not mad, but I wish you would have told me sooner. I knew something was off with you but I could also tell you were avoiding whatever it was.” He smiled a little then. “I knew you would tell me when you were ready. I’m just glad it didn’t have anything to do with me. Us, I mean.” 

 

My gut twisted with the knowledge that I had made him feel insecure about our relationship. That had never been my intention. 

 

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, my hazel gaze settling on his. “I should have told you. I know… I know that I have to be more open. I’m going to work on it, okay?”

 

“Okay.” His smile was soft. “Apology accepted.”

 

He was too good to me. I was starting to believe no one could ever deserve him.

 

I smiled back and crawled over to him, easily settling against his chest as he wrapped his arm around me. “Thank you.”

 

~

 

That weekend Jun and I went to see Nanase and Sil. Nanase invited me into Sil’s home with a warm smile and a quick hug. 

 

“I’m so glad you guys could make it today.” Sil said as she closed the front door behind us. 

 

Jun gave his sister an affectionate squeeze. “You’re just saying that because you need my assistance.” 

 

“True but I also missed you.”

 

There were two reasons we were here; Sil’s sink was leaking and apparently Jun could fix it. The second reason was that Nanase wanted me to see Sil’s art work. 

 

Sil steered Jun toward the bathroom and proposed that Nanase show me around. 

 

Sil’s apartment was a two-story loft. The first floor was the actual apartment and the second floor was her studio. The apartment itself was a bit smaller than Jun’s, but with the studio it was bigger. 

 

Nanase quickly showed me the kitchen and living room and pointed out the two bedrooms and the bathroom, from which sibling bickering could be heard. Then, she led me up the stairs to the studio, which was completely open and well lit, with two large windows on the far wall. There was a large table in the center of the room, holding a clutter of papers, utensils, and paint. Next to the table, angled to catch the light from the windows, was an easel, canvas and stool. 

 

The walls were lined with works, from landscapes to cityscapes, people to animals, plants to planets, on canvas and paper alike. 

 

I stepped closer to the nearest painting hanging on our left, a large piece of a mountainscape. It was highly detailed, with trees, snow-capped mountains and a large lake lying in the valley between the mountains.

 

“Wow.” I said, gazing at the piece. “The detail is amazing.”

 

“Right?” Nanase exclaimed, a measure of pride in her voice. “She’s amazing. Come look at this one.” 

 

I followed her to the opposite wall, where another large painting hung. It was an explosion of colors and detail and was quite clearly our solar system with everything from our Sun to Pluto. 

 

“This one is my favorite. The colors are so vivid and contrasting.”

 

“It is really beautiful.”

 

“Everything she does is.” Nanase said, a smile pulling at her lips. “I have yet to see one I don’t like.”

 

I elbowed her. “Yeah, cause you’re not biased or anything.”

 

She gave a roll of her eyes in response. “Shut up.”

 

“What’s on the easel?” I asked, pulling her attention to the covered canvas. 

 

She shrugged. “I don’t know, yet. Sil said I can’t look.”

 

I raised an eyebrow. “And you listened? I’m shocked.”

 

She gave me a look of near exasperation. “It’s been a struggle.”

 

“I can only imagine.” I replied with a light chuckle. 

 

“Enough about us,” She said, drawing the words out longer than necessary. “It feels like it’s been so long since we’ve been able to catch up. How are things with you and Jun?”

 

“It has been a while.” I agreed, recalling the last time I actually saw her was when I told her about Jun’s plan for Zelch. “Things with Jun and I are really good. He’s too good to me, as always.” 

 

“Good. I’d hate to have to beat him up, y’know?” She said playfully, leaning her shoulder against mine. “With him being my girlfriend’s brother and all.” 

 

“Of course, I can see how that would be inconvenient.” 

 

“I’m glad you understand.” 

 

I reached over and ruffled her hair, a playful smirk slipping over my lips. “Jun got to meet you-know-who the other day.”

 

She straightened up, warm weight against my shoulder leaving, her brown eyes catching mine. “Masashi?”

 

I nodded. 

 

“How did that even happen?” 

 

“Masashi caught me at work and wanted to talk.” I said, shrugging, ignoring the way her eyes narrowed. “Jun came to pick me up after my shift and Masashi was still there.”

 

“You and Masashi still talk?”

 

There was a hint of accusation in her voice and I couldn’t decide if I had the right to feel offended or not. 

 

“Not really.” I shook my head, feeling the need to defend myself. “We bumped into each other sometimes at school. But this was the first time I have seen him since school ended. He just wanted to catch up, I guess.”

 

She eyed me for another moment before giving an approving nod. “Good.”

 

I frowned and opened my mouth but the words stuck in my throat. I sighed deeply and shook my head, stepping toward the large window. 

 

“What? You know how I feel about him.”

 

“I know.”

 

I just wish she wouldn’t be quite so open about it.

 

What was even more annoying was that even after all this time, I couldn’t keep myself from trying to defend him.

 

Had I learned nothing?

 

We were silent for a few minutes as I looked down at the city below. Sil’s view was better than Jun’s, although it didn’t even compare to the apartment in  _ Ito Investments _ . 

 

I heard Nanase sigh behind me. “I’m sorry, Ritsu. I shouldn’t have turned it around like that. I just know how he gets to you.”

 

I shook my head. “It’s alright. I don’t have a great track record, I know. Not when it comes to him. But things are different now, Nanase. I have Jun and I won’t hurt him like that.”

 

“I know.” She said softly. “I’m sorry. I get hot-headed sometimes.”

 

I glanced over my shoulder at her, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “Sometimes?”

 

She flipped me off as she smiled. “Only when it comes to people I like.”

 

I smiled and flipped her off in return.

 

“How did it go, though?” She asked seriously, lifting herself onto the stool in front of the easel. “With Jun and Masashi?” 

 

“As good as can be expected, I guess. Jun did get a little… intense, afterwards.”

 

“Intense how?”

 

“He was angry.” I answered. “Asked me the same question you just did.”

 

Her lips turned down in something akin to guilt, but her eyes stayed on mine. “He suspected something was going on?”

 

“In the moment, yes. But when I tried to reassure him that nothing was going on, he stopped me and told me he trusted me.” I smiled a little then. “It wasn’t me he was angry with.”

 

She sighed softly. “I think I love him.”

 

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes at her. “But yeah, it ended fine.”

 

“That’s good, then. Although it would have made a better story if he had punched Masashi.” She winked and I suspect she was only half-kidding. “Y’know, like a knight in shining armor.”

 

I smiled despite myself. “Shut up.”

 

“You’re so rude.” She said unconvincingly. “So have you said it yet? The big L?”

 

It took me longer than it should have to grasp what she was asking. 

 

“No.”

 

“Has he?”

 

I shook my head. 

 

“Do you feel it?”

 

I took a moment to consider it. I wanted Jun and I needed him. I cared for him deeply, but to what extent? Could I honestly say that I loved him? 

 

“I don’t know.” I replied honestly. “But… I feel like I could.”

 

She studied me for a moment before nodding. “I know what you mean.”

 

“What about you two?”

 

“Neither of us have said it directly.”

 

“But you feel it?”

 

“Yeah, I do.” She smiled softly. “We haven’t been together that long, I know, but it seems that time doesn’t always matter.”

 

“Good.” I smiled. “I’m happy for you.”

 

No one deserved better than Nanase, hot-headed or not. I know her anger wasn’t directed at me, just like Jun’s wasn’t. She just wanted what was best for me and she was use to me making decisions that weren’t always in my favor.

 

“Thanks,” She said. “I’m happy for you, too, just for the record.”

 

“Thanks, Nanase.”

 

Nanase pulled me around to show me some more of Sil’s works and pointed out which ones she liked best. There was one of Jun, Sil and Daisuke that looked almost exactly like the picture sitting on Jun’s dresser. The colors were warm and soft. It was clearly a fond memory for them.

 

I envied their closeness. Even when things in my family were good, we were never that close. My mother was a good woman but she was too timid to ever stand up to my father and my father was always too prideful for his own good. Sasha and I were close when we were young, friends even. But never like Sil and Jun are.

 

Sil called for Nanase’s help so I continued along the wall, pausing to admire each piece for a moment or two. The next one that caught my eye was familiar somehow. It was a view of a city at sunset, the view high and overlooking many buildings. The sunset reflected off the skyscrapers and gave the painting a soft red, orange and pink glow. 

 

“It’s  _ Ito _ .”

 

I startled, looking over my shoulder to catch Jun staring at the painting in front of me.

 

“It is?” I asked, looking back at it. “That must be why it looks familiar.”

 

“It’s the view from the apartment.” He confirmed my guess. “Sil painted it last year for our father’s birthday. The original is hanging in his office at home.”

 

“The house you grew up in?”

 

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s about an hour outside the city. That’s why he had the apartment installed at the office, for late nights, though he prefers to stay at the house.”

 

“Is it big?”

 

“Yes.” He smiled. “It’s big.”

 

After seeing their office, I could only imagine what Jun defined as  _ big. _

 

“I’d like to see it someday.” 

 

“Come here.” He said and headed for a closet on the far wall, opposite the windows. He opened it to reveal several shelves of canvases, finished works, materials and utensils. He walked to the first shelf and sifted through the finished works until he found what he was looking for. He pulled it out and took the plastic off of it before handing it to me. “That’s a copy of the original she made a few years ago. The original hanging in the house, too.”

 

“I think we have different definitions of big, Jun.”

 

He laughed softly in response, a shrug lifting his shoulders. 

 

It was a mansion made of dark red brick and white trimmings. It looked inviting and warm, unlike many of the over-the-top mansions I’ve seen. Still, it was humongous. The garage alone had to be bigger than my last apartment. 

 

“It’s beautiful.” I said, feeling a little awestruck. “I can’t imagine growing up in a house that big.”

 

“It definitely had it’s perks, especially being on five acres. Sil and I spent more time outside than inside.” He smiled fondly as he spoke. “The house is bigger than necessary, to tell the truth. Dad wanted to have more children so he bought that house with that in mind.”

 

“That’s so cool.” I said, handing the painting back to him. “How many children did he want to have?”

 

“Five or six.”

 

I raised my eyebrows. “That is a lot of kids.”

 

He laughed at my expression. “Yes, I agree. But that’s what he wanted.”

 

“Why didn’t he, then?” I frowned softly, voicing a curiosity I’ve had for quite some time. “What happened to your mother?”

 

His hand stilled in the midst of setting the painting back on the shelf, his smile slipping. 

 

I nearly regretted asking as soon as his expression shifted and wondered if I had crossed a line.

 

He answered before I could decide to backtrack. 

 

“She left.” He said softly, his blue eyes meeting mine. “She left in the middle of the day and never came back.”

 

That wasn’t the answer I had expected. 

 

“Jun…” I reached out and took his hand. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

 

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” He squeezed my hand and continued. “Sil and I were five. Dad was working. My memories of her are vague but I remember not being able to find her that day. She left us at the house alone for hours before dad came home. He found her note.”

 

“Jesus… That’s terrible. She didn’t give a reason? Not that any reason could justify that.”

 

He shook his head. “Just a note that said she was sorry and not to look for her. Dad suspected foul play and got the police involved, but nothing came of it. He hired private investigators, contacted every known relative, old friends, anyone she could have gone to or talked to. No one saw or heard from her again.”

 

I swallowed, my heart aching for this wonderful man in front of me. I couldn’t imagine the pain of being abandoned at such a young age and never knowing why. 

 

I had been cast aside by my father but at least I knew why.

 

“I’m so sorry, Jun.” I moved forward and hugged him. “I can’t even imagine.”

 

His arms wound around my back and he lightly kissed my temple. “It’s alright.”

 

It wasn’t and he knew it. 

 

“Poor Daisuke.” I said, my heart swelling with sympathy for him. “I don’t know if I could come back from that.” 

 

“He almost didn’t.” Jun said. “I don’t think he would have if it hadn’t been for Sil and I. He loved her desperately, that much I know.”

 

I couldn’t even imagine the void that left in Daisuke. To be abandoned without a word with two young children… How could he trust anyone after that?

 

“I’m so glad he had the two of you, then.”

 

“So am I. He poured everything into raising us.”

 

“He did a good job of that.”

 

I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. “I’m glad you think so.”

 

“I know so.”

 

“Boys! I’ve got booze! What do you want, whiskey or vo-” Sil’s voice came up short. “Why are you two hugging in my closet?”

 

I stepped back and re-linked our hands. “It’s a nice hugging closet, Silven.” 

 

“Don’t you know?” Jun tilted his head, playing along. “It’s a gay man’s duty to hug his lover in closets.”

 

She blinked at us and frowned. “You guys are really weird.”

 

We laughed and came out of the closet. We joined the girls downstairs and had a few drinks before Nanase decided to order take-out. Sil didn’t let her. She must have learned from first-hand experience that Nanase can’t be trusted.

 

I watched Jun and Sil over the rim of my glass, wondering how much they had to overcome to get to where they are today. They were both generally happy people, caring, generous and good. It was hard to believe they carried something like that around with them. 

  
But I suppose it’s the same with me. My father tossing me aside didn’t break me, no matter how much it hurt. 

 

I’m so glad they had Daisuke. 

 

“Let’s play a game.” Nanase said, giving up trying to take her phone back from Sil (who was now responsibly ordering food). 

 

“No.” I shook my head. “Drinking games with you end in serious hangovers.”

 

Nanase pouted for only a moment before she persisted. 

 

We played a drinking game, in the end.


	43. Chapter 43

 

I woke with a groan, instantly aware of a throbbing ache in my head. I opened my eyes to an onslaught of light filtering in through the window and it made my head throb that much worse.

 

I sat up in a state of confusion, the room I was in looking wholly unfamiliar. 

 

Then I remembered we were still at Sil’s. I suspect the intoxicated state I had been in when I entered the room for the first time was the reason it looked so unfamiliar. 

 

A firm arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back down. Jun’s arms engulfed me and drew me against him, his chest warm against my back. I relaxed into his grip and sighed softly. 

 

“Good morning.” He murmured, his breath tickling my neck. 

 

“Morning.” I responded, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. “Sleep well?”

 

“Like the dead.” He said and leaned forward to press a kiss to my shoulder. “You?”

 

“Mm, same. My head could be in better shape, though.”

 

“Oh, tell me about it.”

 

“I knew the drinking game was a bad idea.”

 

“It was a horrible idea,” He shifted and a second later a hand slithered under my shirt. “As always.”

 

I bit my lip as he pinched one of my nipples, his teeth grazing over my shoulder. I shifted my hips back into his and a soft shudder ran through my body as he ground forward lazily. His other hand gripped my hip, holding me in place as he repeated the action. 

 

“Think Sil will care if we dirty her sheets?” 

“Probably.” He chuckled softly. “But I don’t care.”

 

“Good.” I said. “Neither do I.” 

 

Our movements were slow and lazy, with roaming hands and soft sighs. It wasn’t until I shifted to kiss him and his hand was slipping into my pants that a thought flitted across my mind. 

 

I frowned and pulled back to look at him. “What time is it?”

 

“I don’t know.” He answered, moving forward again to capture my lips for a brief moment. “And I don’t care.”

 

He kissed me again and I indulged him, letting his tongue slip into my mouth. His hands started moving again and as much as I wanted to let it happen, the nagging thought wouldn’t go away. 

 

I pulled back again, my smile bordering on apologetic. “I really do need to know what time it is.”

 

He sighed and glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s nine-thirty.”

 

I blinked at the information, trying to remember why I needed to know that through the haze of lust and my hangover. 

 

“Oh, shit.” I said, the information registering. “I’m going to be so late.”

 

I sat up despite Jun’s protests and attempts to keep me there.

 

He groaned softly in defeat as I stood up. “Late for what?”

 

“I’m suppose to have breakfast with Sasha, remember?” I said, looking around the room. “At ten.”

 

“Oh,” He said. “Right. I forgot that was today.”

 

“Me too.” I smiled. “Have you seen my phone?”

 

He shook his head. 

 

“I think I left it in the living room.” I said as I crawled back onto the bed. I pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. “Sorry.”

 

“I guess I’ll forgive you this time.” He said, smiling, as he pulled me back into another kiss. “But only if you make it up to me later.”

 

“You have yourself a deal.”

 

I rolled off the bed and went in search of my phone. I finally found it in the kitchen, plugged into the wall which I had no recollection of doing. Drunk me never plans that far ahead. 

 

Jun had probably done it.

 

I made a quick call to Sasha to let her know I was going to be late. Then I thanked the gods that Sil had coffee and proceeded to make a pot. 

 

I was happy to find a toothbrush still in its package in the bathroom, so I used it and hoped Sil wouldn’t mind. I didn’t really want to go see my sister with whiskey death breath. 

 

Jun was sitting at the kitchen table with Sil when I came back out, talking softly. Sil’s hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she looked as bad as I felt. 

 

“Morning, Sil.” 

 

“Good morning, Ritsu.” She greeted back, a tired smile pulling at her lips. “How do you feel?”

 

“I’ve felt worse.” I answered with a quick smile. “Do you two want coffee?”

 

They both nodded so I went back to the kitchen and poured us some mugs. I quite skillfully carried them to the kitchen table along with a bottle of aspirin I found in the bathroom. 

 

“Oh, bless you.” Sil said as I slide the mug and aspirin to her. She took two and passed the bottle to Jun, who dumped four into his hand and passed me two of them. 

 

“Thanks.” I said before washing them down with coffee that was a tad too hot. “No sign of Nanase, yet?”

 

Sil shook her head. “I imagine she’s going to be out for a while.”

 

“I’m not surprised. You’ll have to tell her I said good-bye, then.”

 

“Leaving already?” Sil said with a soft pout, her gaze slipping to her brother. 

 

Jun smiled. “I’ll come back after I drop him off.”

 

Sil gave a nod of approval. “Good, cause I miss you.”

 

“You don’t have to take me.” I said. “I can take the bus.”

 

“I want to. Besides, I was going to pick up breakfast for the girls, anyways.”

 

I just smiled. “Okay.” 

 

That got Sil’s attention. “From where?”

 

He shrugged. “Wherever you want.”

 

“There’s a place a few blocks down that won’t be out of the way.” She offered. “Nanase likes their hash browns.”

 

“Sounds good. Just text me what you want.”

 

We finished our coffee and then Jun drove me to where I was meeting Sasha. It was a small cafe, similar to the one Nanase and I always went to. 

 

Sasha was already seated with a coffee in hand when I entered. 

 

“Good morning.” I greeted as I approached the table. “Sorry I’m so late.”

 

She stood with a shake of her head. “That’s alright. You caught me before I left the house, so I haven’t been here for very long.”

 

“That’s good.” I said and pulled her into a quick hug. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good.” She said as we sat. “I ordered you a coffee, I hope that’s okay.”

 

“It’s perfect, thanks.”

 

“What about you? How are you?”

 

I met her soft, nervous gaze and gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m good, too.”

 

She smiled back. “I’m glad.”

 

“How’s mom?”

 

“She’s okay.” She answered, smile slipping. “She feels horrible. So do I.” 

 

“It’s neither of your faults. You don’t need to feel bad about it.”

 

“But we do. We should have known better. Mom seemed so confident he had changed his mind…” She shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Ritsu.” 

“This isn’t something you can apologize for, Sasha. It isn’t your fault.” I smiled again, hoping she could see that I really didn’t blame either of them. “Dad made his own choices.”

 

“I know… I just wish he had made a different one.” 

 

“Me too. But enough about dad, what’s up with you? Are you enjoying the summer?”

 

“Yes.” She said, a more genuine smile spreading her lips. “I’m looking for an apartment, actually.”

 

“Good for you.” I said, sipping slowly from my mug. “I wish I still had my apartment, you could have just taken over the lease. It was a pretty nice place.”

 

“Oh, right, you said on the phone you moved again.” She recalled with a tilt of her head. “Why did you move?”

 

“I moved in with my boyfriend, actually.” I replied with a faint smile. “I was staying over there most of the time anyways, so keeping the apartment was pointless.”

 

She didn’t need to know the real reason I had started staying with Jun. 

 

Her eyes lit up with soft surprise. “Oh, I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. That’s great, Ritsu.”

 

“Thank you.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck as I added: “You met him, actually.”

 

She stared at me blankly for a moment before she seemed to recall. 

 

“Oh!” She exclaimed softly. “The blond? What was his name, again?”

 

“Yes. His name is Jun. We weren’t dating at the time that you met him, but we weren’t far from it, either.”

 

“Okay. He seemed really nice.”

 

“He is.” I confirmed and felt my cheeks warm slightly. Having a conversation with my sister about my boyfriend felt a little surreal. “He’s a great guy.”

 

Her smile was warm. “I’m happy for you.”

 

“Thanks, Sasha.” I smiled lightly. “What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

 

She nodded and her cheeks reddened slightly. “Yes, but it’s not serious yet. I just started seeing him.”

 

I hummed softly and raised an eyebrow. “You know I’m going to have to meet him and judge him, right?”

 

She laughed softly and nodded. “I’d like that, but maybe after I know him a little better?”

 

“Fine.” I said with a dramatic huff. “I’ll wait.”

 

She laughed again and it brought a smile to my face. It felt nice, talking to her like this. I was glad she was taking a step forward and moving out. She was fairly timid and I was afraid our father would smother her spirit if she stayed - just as he had done to our mother. 

 

We chatted for a good hour while we ate breakfast. She told me about her job as a waitress, her new boyfriend and how she was doing in school. As we continued talking, her nervousness seemed to dissipate and was replaced with the timid, yet chattery girl I had grown up with. I let her know to tell me if she needed help finding an apartment, to which she lit up and said she’d love that.

 

I headed to the bus station after we parted, opting to not call Jun. He didn’t get to spend much time with Sil and I didn’t want to interrupt that. I needed to go back to the apartment and shower, anyways. 

 

I leaned my head against the cool glass as the bus drove smoothly down the road. I was tired but at least my headache had dissipated for the most part. Eating had helped tremendously. 

 

The bus ride was short and soon enough I was getting off at my stop. The streets were fairly crowded, as they usually were on the weekends. Our apartment wasn’t far from a large shopping mall, so there were always people loitering about. 

 

I turned the corner onto our street when my phone buzzed. I retrieved it from my pocket and kept walking, briefly reading over the text Jun had sent, asking if I needed picked up yet. 

 

I was typing out a reply when a hand wrapped around my elbow. 

 

“Hey-”

 

I turned abruptly, ripping my arm out of the person’s grasp, heart hammering in my chest as I locked eyes with a wide-eyed teenager. 

 

“Whoa, sorry.” He apologized with a lopsided smile. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

It wasn’t who I thought it was.

 

I swallowed and willed my expression into something resembling friendly. “It’s alright. Can I help you?”

 

“Yeah, um, some dude paid me fifty bucks to give you this.” He produced a manilla envelope and held it out. “Didn’t say why.”

 

I stared at the envelope for a moment too long before I took it cautiously. I was almost certain I didn’t want to know what it was. 

 

I caught the kid’s elbow as he started walking away and he paused to look at me.

 

“What did he look like?”

 

“Um?” He frowned for a moment before answering. “Kinda tall and average looking. Reddish hair. Sorry, that’s all I really remember.”

 

It was enough to confirm that it was him. 

 

I shook my head and released him, the single word barely making it past the wires in my throat. “Thanks.”

 

I didn’t waste any more time talking and started toward the apartment again at a quicker pace. I had no doubt he was watching right now and the thought made my skin crawl in a rough shiver. My mind was racing almost as fast as my heart and I felt I was on the verge of hyperventilating.

 

I knew he would make contact sooner or later. 

 

That didn’t mean I was ready for it. 

 

I had to get off of the street. He couldn’t see me lose it. 

 

It took only another few minutes to hit the entrance of the apartment complex and I slid into the elevator as it was closing, the only other passenger giving me a weird look as I stumbled on. 

 

Her look turned to pure annoyance as I tapped my foot impatiently, eyes glued to the numbers slowly counting up. I think she was relieved when she got off on the floor before mine.

 

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of our apartment door and unlocking it. 

 

I stepped into the familiar space and quickly closed and locked the door behind me, and the relief of having made it unscathed was nearly enough to knock the wind out of me.

 

I swallowed and forced myself to move into the living room before I inspected the envelope my hand was gripped tightly around. It wasn’t heavy, but it wasn’t light either. There was no writing on the outside to clue me in on what was inside.

 

I took a deep breath and steadied myself before I released the tab and opened it. Sliding my hand inside, I pulled the contents out. My breath caught in my throat and the next didn’t come so easily. 

 

They were pictures. Dozens of them. 

 

I flipped through a few before I had to sit down, my knees too weak to hold me up any longer. I was the subject of them all, but I wasn’t the only one in them. Jun and I getting groceries, going out to eat, in the parking garage. Nanase and I hugging outside the cafe and Sion and I outside of school. There was even one of Tanaka and I having a smoke outside of the restaurant where Renji introduced him as his boyfriend. 

 

He had been watching and taking pictures this whole time. 

 

I took a shuddering breath and dropped the photos on the coffee table. I needed to call Jun, he would know what to do about this.

 

My shaking hand closed around my phone in my pocket at the same time that it went off, signaling a text. The number that came up on the screen was blocked and I felt the weight in my chest double, because I knew exactly who it was. 

 

I opened the text with the same apprehension I had opened the envelope. 

 

Three words stared back at me and all I could feel was my stomach churning and bile rising in my throat. 

 

(See you soon.)

 

I dropped my phone, stood and made my way to the bathroom where I dropped to my knees and retched into the toilet. 

 

I couldn’t do this. Not again, not when things were going so well. Jun and I were in such a good place and everything else in my life was smoothing out… 

 

Was I ever going to be able to escape him?

 

Distantly, I heard my phone ringing again, but this time it was Jun’s ringtone. He was probably getting worried by now. 

 

I held onto that thought as I flushed the toilet and stood on weak legs. I didn’t want Jun to worry or go looking for me. Moving to the sink, I grabbed the mouthwash and washed my mouth out thoroughly before I stepped back into the living room. 

 

My phone had stopped ringing, the call going to voicemail. I swiped it up off the coffee table, pointedly keeping my gaze away from the pictures, and hit the call back button. It rang twice before he picked up, soft voice filtering over the line. 

  
“Hey, sorry if I interrupted.” He said. “I was just checking on you. Do you need me to come pick you up?”

 

Relief washed through me upon just hearing his voice. 

 

“You-” The words caught in my throat, voice hoarse. I cleared my throat and tried again. “You didn’t… I’m at the apartment.”

 

His tone changed immediately, no doubt catching the unease in my voice. “Are you okay?”

 

I shook my head despite him being unable to see me, my words blocked by the emotions that were pouring in, replacing the panic. My eyes welled up with tears that I couldn’t keep from falling. 

 

“I don’t know…” I said, my voice cracking around the words. “I think you should come home.”

 

“What’s wrong?” He said, his voice laced with concern. “Talk to me, Ritsu.”

 

“It’s him.” I answered, unable to push his name past my lips. “He made contact, Jun.”


End file.
